01x07 - Anya

[bunniefuu]

Cash or credit?

Three, four.

Previously on Order and Reprimand.

She can't have been dead
that long.

The body shows no signs of decay.

That's because he kept her
in a freezer for two weeks.

That's what I call a cold case.

I'm sorry.
I don't see that for you.

- Hey, how are you?
- Doing good. How you doing?

Pretty good.

...can you come see me, please?

Hey.

Uh, do you have a second to chat?

Did I f*ck up?

No, no, not at all.
I'm just, um, checking in.

How are you getting on?

- Great, it's, um...
- Boring.

Yeah, I... I know,
I started at the checkout too.

Not complaining.

Grateful to work.

Yeah, I mean,
every job has its challenges.

Do you have any, um, hobbies or goals?

Look, I'm... I'm not trying to pry, okay?
And you're doing great.

It's just that
you're not the first placement

we've had from the program
and we want you to last.

I understand that you had some trouble
at your previous job

and the one before that.

Transitioning from where you were
to where you need to be,

that can be tough.

How long have you been
with the program now?

- Two years.
- And here you are starting over, again.

And that can't be easy, but...

having goals, even tiny ones,
professional or otherwise,

especially in a boring place like this,
they can be helpful.

Forgive me for saying this, okay?
I can't imagine what you've been through.

Myself, the closest I ever got

was a week in the hospital
with a collapsed lung, but...

Anya, you...

You seem a little listless.

So, do you have any?

Goals.

Left. You need to first...

With your whole body. That's it.

Breathe into it, yes.

That's it. Breathe into it.

Previously on Order and Reprimand.

No sign of a break-in,
so I figure it was premeditated.

One pattern suggests blunt force trauma
on both victims.

I'm thinking he k*lled
the girl in bed first with a hammer.

And the boy?

Probably heard the commotion.

How was your day?

Wrong place at the wrong time.

We should ask for prints.

Shame.

Maybe these kids didn't drink,
but they sure got hammered.

To those before, to those after.

To us now...

Moving in your AM commute

with 50,000 watts of FM power.

Find us at the top of the dial
playing the top of the charts.

All rock n' roll, all morning.

We are KSXP.

♪ Must be your skin
I'm sinking in ♪

♪ Must be for real
Because now I can feel ♪

Spontaneous regression.

I used to have this roommate
back at the place I used to live.

She was into all kinds of stuff
that I thought was...

really dumb.

Once she told me about this saint.

He had this tumor on his leg
and it wouldn't go away.

And he got real sick from something else,

and his body kicked in
to b*at the cold or flu or whatever.

And, uh, ended up k*lling the tumor, too.

Just like that,
his body decided to do right by him.

Spontaneous regression.

And I laughed in her face.

I was in real bad shape a few years back.

And my friends at the time...

my roommate, it was her idea, actually.

They snuck me out of my room one night
and decided...

to try something...

crazy, like...

...batshit crazy.

To help me.

And I got really sick.

Like, really sick.

Fever, in and out of consciousness.

Everyone thought I was a goner.

And then, for once,

my body decided to do
the right f*cking thing.

And I woke up.

And I guess...

And I guess I got better, didn't I?

And this... thing
that had defined so much of me,

that had defined so much of my life,

was suddenly just...

gone.

But instead of feeling saved,

I felt chewed up and spit out,

like it had eaten parts of me.

Good parts.

And here I am.

Whatever's left.

Spontaneous regression.

It sounded so f*cking stupid...

to me at the time.

Still does.

But that roommate,

wherever she is,

I hope...

she's laughing.

I think she deserves that.

Hello.

Hi.

Rhett?

Yeah.

I'm here.

How are you? How... How've you been?

It's good to hear your voice.

A-Anya, what do you want?

Nothing, I'm just...

I'm just calling, you know?

I...

I haven't heard from you in like...

- What do you want?
- Nothing.

Things are better...

for me now.

So much better.

So I just thought I'd call you,
you know, to share that.

Just to let you know that I'm okay.

And I'm sorry.

For what?

All of it.

I don't know...

what you want from me here, Anya.

Nothing, I just...
I'm in the city now, and I'm...

I'm alone, and I don't know anyone.

And I just thought you could tell me...

Maybe you could just tell me
that it's all gonna be...

That it's gonna be okay.

What's gonna be okay?

Any of it.

I can't...

make it right.

I can't make me right.

I could never imagine a life in which
anything ever f*cking worked out for me.

I never could.

There's this voice in my head, you know,
and it just keeps telling me,

"You're broken."

"You're broken, you're broken,"
over and over.

And I just can't, I just...

I can't make it stop.

I just...

I just wish you'd f*cking talk to me.

I apologized.

I apologized.

And, yeah, I was a nightmare, and I...

I f*cked up.

But you vanished!

I needed you!

You were the only family I had left!

And, yeah, I walked away.

But all I wanted was for you
to come find me.

Anya...

Why couldn't you just come
f*cking find me, Rhett?

You knew me well enough
to know I never would!

Rhett?

Rhett!

Seen or unseen.
Here, but not here.

I'd like to touch on something

that you mentioned in our last session.

Okay.

I couldn't help but notice your phrasing,
you said, um...

"My friends at the time."

Would you say
that they're no longer your friends?

- They're not here anymore.
- Here as in local or here as in...

Jesus Christ! Am I the only one
that contributes to this group?

Feel free to chime in.

Any time, guys.

Nothing, okay.

You know,
the... the people that we...

that we lose, they're...

they're never really gone.

Bullshit.

You know, I...

I used to think
that they were reaching out.

Sending little messages from beyond.
Sending a sign.

I used to search high and low,
but it's all just...

The thing about spontaneous regression
is that it only seems... like magic

when really it's just
the immune system boosted by an infection

doing what it already does.

No magic there.

Because if magic existed, if there was...

any... justice in this world...

what worked for me
would have worked for them.

And they'd still be here.

But they're not.

They're all dead.

And five...

bloody sisters would have chimed in
for them too. The whole club.

I mean, we did the ritual
six more times, it...

Five b*tches sent us all to voicemail.

Now all my friends are gone.

Sandra, dead. Cheri, dead.

Amesh, dead. And he went so...

Kevin, dead. Natsuki, dead.

Ilonka, Miss Magical Thinking herself...

dead.

Dead a year now.

And if what you're saying is true,

if they were still with me,

they'd be yelling.

Not whispering.

They'd be shouting, screaming,
shaking the walls

to let me know that
I don't have to be afraid anymore.

That I don't have to hate myself
because I'm here and they're not.

I mean, if...

they were still here...

what type of friend wouldn't?

What the f*ck?

Sorry, I couldn't find a price tag
on that.

Everything okay here?

I couldn't find the tag.

Um, I'll take over from here.

I need a price check on a claw hammer.

Check out one,
price check on a claw hammer.

Oh, my... Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. Amesh?

Amesh! Amesh, oh, my god!

Oh, my god! It worked for you too!

Ma'am? Um...

Look at you.

I thought it didn't...
I thought... I thought it didn't work.

What worked?

The ritual, spontaneous regression.

You're here. You're f*cking here, Amesh!

My name is Luke, ma'am.

Uh, like it says on the tag here.

- I don't...
- I...

Everything okay?

I don't... understand.

I think this woman might need
a little bit of help here.

Are you...

Are you f*cking with me?

- Uh, Luke, we should call somebody.
- Yes, good idea.

Yeah, hi. We're at the game store
on Main Street.

We have a woman here.
She's a little disoriented. Um...

She might need some assistance.

I came as soon as I could.
What seems to be the trouble?

Are you okay, miss?

I never wanted to.

I really didn't.

He just jumped in after him,

but when he didn't come up right away,
I did the only thing I could think of.

I... I dove in too.
But I couldn't find him anywhere.

Hello, Anya.

Midnight, my friend.

As usual, we're broadcasting to you
live from the hallway.

And I'm happy to report
that Stanton has gone nuclear.

She hasn't spoken to any of us
since she saw us in the basement.

And we're sure as sh*t not allowed
in the library right now.

But I spoke to Mark and he told me
that she said this was specifically okay,

so they know we're here this time.

And Natsuki wanted to...

- Ilonka, invocation.
- Oh, sorry.

Um, to those before, to those after.

To us now, and to those beyond.

To those before, to those after.

To us now and to those beyond.

Seen or unseen,
here but not here.

- Seen or unseen, here but not here.
- Seen or unseen, here but not here.

So the night before last,
we had Kevin,

and last night we had Spence.

And tonight we have something
very special for you.

Natsuki?

Hey, Anya.
I, uh, wrote this for you.

I asked around 'cause there was
some stuff I didn't know about you

You treasure trove of secrets, you.

Okay, here we go.
It's the night of the ritual...

We're all chanting around you.

And then it happens. A flash of light.

You vanished from the room, gone.

And for a week, just like Julia Jayne,

no one can find you.

But then you showed back up.

Healed, healthy, just like Julia did.

Stanton lays out your options,
but you stay at Brightcliffe

for a few more weeks,
repeating the ritual for each of us.

And it works for all of us.

We take over
a whole floor of an apartment.

It's a coed Brightcliffe invasion

"...with rent control,
plus disability checks, plus..."

Oh, I thought we were gonna keep this part
grounded after the ritual part?

I'm telling the story. Okay?

Sorry, Anya.

It's okay.

"Point being, it's super cheap,
and we can live there forever.

Uh, you enroll in college
and you get a prosthetic leg,

so you can start
taking dance classes again.

"After a fantastic
dance rehearsal one day..."

Hand.

...who should walk in,
but your old childhood friend.

Rhett.

You mend fences.

And pick out a house together,

with a white picket one.

And there you stay...

...for years, and years, and years.

You have kids.

Sandra did M.A.S.H
to determine exactly how many.

- Two-and-a-half beautiful children.
- He's kidding.

With babies, you always round up.
So it's a clean three.

And a German shepherd.

And a fluffy German shepherd per Cheri.

Did I miss anything?

The car.

It's a pink jeep
with a skull painted on the hood.

Perfect.

And there you live out
the rest of your days with your family.

Safe, happy, in love.

Oh, and we bought
the other houses on the block, so...

What's up?

You enter suburbia.

Old friends track you down
for weekly potlucks,

and there is no exit.

That's all I've got for tonight.

Ilonka's on bat
for the story for tomorrow so...

you're in for a treat.

Good night, Anya.

- Good night, friend.
- Sleep tight.

- Good night, Duchess.
- Good night, Anya.

It's just you and me now.

I hope I'm not keeping you up too late.

I just... I wanted to say a few things.

Roomie to roomie.

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry.

About the ritual.

When you passed out, I...

I've never been more panicked in my life.

You should've seen Stanton.

I don't know if she'll ever talk
to me again, to be honest.

She said words
only you could have taught her.

I hope you can forgive me.

It's just so f*cking unfair.

What's happening to you,
what's happening to us.

So...

I hope you hear me when I say...

we're all with you in there,

and we always will be.

Thank you.

You're not alone.

Everything's going to be okay.

Good night, Anya.

Good night.

Oh. No, thank you.

I want to feel these.

You know, someone said once,

"One should die proudly

when it's no longer possible
to live proudly."

Friedrich Nietzsche.

I was salutatorian once...

in another life.

A short, short life.

It's not length of life but depth of life.

That was Ralph Waldo Emerson.

And your friend, she...

Well, you know, she lived deep.

And she was kind,
even when she was in a lot of pain.

That's hard to do.

That's beautiful.

You know, sometimes, she was a...

fierce, right firecracker bitch
on f*cking wheels.

But... that was beautiful too.

Ralph Waldo Emerson,
he had one more I've always liked.

"It is the secret of the world

that all things subsist and do not die,

but retire a little from sight...

and then afterwards...

return again."

And John Lennon once said something like...

"Death is just getting out of one car
and into another."

You know what I'd say?

f*ck the car.

And f*ck cancer, too.

Everything?

She left it all to you.

What's this?

Other than the bank account,

the insurance,
and everything in Anya's room,

that's all she left.

I don't care about the money.

Neither did she.

Did she say why?

And there's one other matter.

I need you to tell me where you found it,
what you were doing downstairs,

and why I shouldn't throw you
out of this house.

Do not think for one moment that I won't.

You do not know me, Ilonka.

You do not know anything.

I found that journal
in the library, actually.

So if you're expecting a story
better than that,

I'm sorry to disappoint.

And what were we doing in the basement?

We're wasting time trying to change
something that couldn't be changed.

We're wasting Anya's time.

And that's really the worst part
because she really didn't have any left.

So if you're gonna throw me out,
please just do it now

because I've had about just as much
as I can handle today.

The ritual, the five sisters.

- It didn't work.
- Not for Anya.

No, it didn't. And that is not your fault.

These things, they're not...
It's not like baking.

It's not just about the right words
and ingredients.

You tried and that matters.
It mattered to Anya. I promise you that.

Your tattoo.

What is it?

We all have them.

It's not sinister. It's an hourglass.

The hourglass meant a lot
going back into the ancient world.

It was one of the earliest methods
of keeping time.

You see what's making it up?

In Ancient Greece,
this was Earth and this was air.

As above, so below.

But the thing about an hourglass,
the most important thing...

is that you can turn it over.

Life can prevail.

That... that is what the Paragon
was trying to do, they just...

they got lost along the way.

How do you know about the Paragon?

They came here
for a lot of the same reasons we did.

The soil, water, ley lines.

All the rumors, they're true.

Airplanes really do get glitches
in their instruments

when they fly over this area.

Legends of healing fill these woods.

It brings the rich and the dying,
the new age cults, UFO enthusiasts,

and just about every other color of crazy
over the years.

We are a naturopathic collective
so we are gentle as kittens

compared to some of the others
that have come this way.

It's important to do no harm.

Unless you have to.

Oh. I should... get going.

Stanton's already pissed.

Georgina has a chip on her shoulder.
No doubt.

Maybe one of these days
she'll figure out she can put it down.

We're sorry,
your call cannot be completed as dialed.

Please check the number and dial again
or call your...

I'm...

I'm sorry for your...

I'm just sorry.

What does she want us to do with them?

She didn't say.

At least not her pre-need.

And she left this.

I haven't opened it yet.

Go ahead.

"To those who came before, to us now,
and to those that came after.

Seen but unseen, here but not here.

I've given a lot of thought
to that invocation,

and it's pretty f*cking generous.

So I'll simplify it.

To us, to you...

my family.

Since youse got so high on the Greeks,

the Greeks believed
when you got to the underworld,

you drink from the River Lethe,
and you forget everything.

That's why nobody sends a sign, they said.

Pretty lame excuse, but here we go.

If anyone can send a sign
from that other side,

unambiguous and definite,
I'm the bitch, I'll f*cking do it.

So if you're reading this
and you didn't hear back, relax.

It's all just f*cking oblivion.

Raise an empty glass for me tonight.

For now, I drink no more.

Love to you all, Anya.

P.S. Sorry about the ashes.
f*cking dramatic, right?"

"Snort them, use them as seasoning

or scatter them on the f*cking moon
for all I care.

I've gone supernova."

f*ck.

I mean, all of it...

The signs from beyond,
the pack, the stories.

It feels kind of stupid tonight,
doesn't it?

To Anya...

who drinks no more.

To Anya who drinks no more.

I've always loved how the library looks
with the lights out.

Lights out and a fire,
that's really the way to do it.

It's a perfect ambiance
for a meeting of the Midnight Club.

All these years,
it's always struck me as funny

that you kids think
that because I don't stop you,

that means I must not know.

You think we don't notice when
all of our patients sneak out at midnight?

You think the night nurses don't hear
your voices through the doors?

Of course, we know.

Why do you think
there's always fresh firewood?

I love falling asleep
knowing the fire was lit,

knowing the club was in session.

Year after year, the faces change.

But the halls of Brightcliffe
are filled at night

with the whispered sounds of stories.

The sounds of stories
are the sounds of life.

I don't know what to do with you all.

What you were doing in that room...

I don't know what to do with that.

It's as simple
as locking the doors, really.

These doors, sure.

And the doors to your rooms,
which feels... wrong.

We have an arrangement.

I make very, very few rules.

And in return I offer...

Well, you know what it is by now?

Independence, dignity, agency,
please don't make me regret that.

Not ever again.

I'm gonna ask that all of you
return to bed now.

I'll think on tomorrow.

I trust you can find your way back
to your rooms. Okay?

Well...

That's that, I guess.

Let's go to bed.

I have a better idea.

- But Stanton said...
- I know what she said,

but I also know that she's not gonna
kick all of us out of Brightcliffe.

Ilonka, maybe it's time to just go to bed.

No, I don't think so. Not just yet.

Look, Anya didn't get a funeral.

Not a proper one anyways.

And I think we fix that.

♪ Another turning point ♪

♪ A fork stuck in the road ♪

♪ Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go ♪

♪ So make the best of this test
And don't ask why ♪

♪ It's not a question
But a lesson learned in time ♪

♪ It's something unpredictable
But in the end it's right ♪

♪ I hope you had the time of your life ♪

♪ So take the photographs
And still frames in your mind ♪

♪ Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time ♪

♪ Tattoos of memories
And dead skin on trial ♪

♪ For what it's worth
It was worth all the while ♪

♪ It's something unpredictable
But in the end it's right ♪

♪ I hope you had the time of your life ♪

♪ It's something unpredictable ♪

♪ But in the end it's right ♪

♪ I hope you had the time of your life ♪

Yo, are you coming?

In a minute.

Whatcha doing?

Just seeing how long it takes the water
to make me numb.

Sorry.

No, you're fine.

Listen...

Don't spin out.

It doesn't matter.

All of us here,

we're already gone.

Sorry, that...

That didn't come out right.

f*ck.

♪ Goodbye to you, my trusted friend ♪

♪ But we've known each other
Since we were nine or ten ♪

♪ Together we've climbed hills and trees ♪

♪ Learned of love and ABC's ♪

♪ Skinned our hearts
And skinned our knees ♪

♪ Goodbye, my friend, it's hard to die ♪

♪ When all the birds
Are singing in the sky ♪

♪ Now that the spring is in the air ♪

♪ We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun ♪

♪ But the hills that we climbed
Were just seasons... ♪

I'm sorry, it's so late.

No, I'm not great.

I lost a girl and, um...

It was a beautiful young woman.

Just a fierce, fierce young woman.

And this one just hit me so hard.
I don't know why.

And the other kids, they tried to...

They just dug up all of this old...

this old stuff.

But that's not the crazy thing.

The craziest thing in the middle
of all of it is I get a...

I get a phone call from these two doctors.

I haven't had a call like this
but one time in my life,

and I don't know how to process it.

One of my kids is going home.

I don't know all the details yet.

I looked over the lab results
and it's pretty...

They might not be terminal.

But I think...

I mean...

I think we're gonna send someone home.

And so, I'm... Yeah, I'm smoking a joint
and I'm calling you.

I just need to talk to someone.

Because I am so out of my depth here.

Oh...

Can you hang on?

Sweetheart.

I'm hungry.

I'm hungry. So hungry.

Sweetheart.

Darling.