01x08 - Road to Nowhere

[bunniefuu]

Sweetheart.

Darling.

Someone's going home?

What are you talking about?

I heard you... last night.

- Have a seat.
- Who is it?

I said sit down.

I swear I'm going to start locking
all of your rooms at night.

Who is it?

Maybe no one at all.

We have a right to know
if someone's going home.

If someone is, you will...

When the others hear about this,
they're going to demand to know.

They are not hearing about this now.

You're saying nothing. Do you understand?

Because until we know for certain,
to mention this to anyone,

it would be cruel, Ilonka.
Unbelievably cruel.

It's cruel not to tell us.

Oh.

Remember how hard it was,
hearing the news?

Learning you were dying.

Making peace with it.

You mention this to anyone,
you are robbing them of that peace.

So, if you're their friend,

if you care about any of them,

you say nothing.

And if anything at all is changing
for anyone, I'll tell them.

I will.

As soon as I know for certain.

And not a single second sooner.
Do you hear me?

Is it me?

No.

I need you to swear to me,

because I know how hard it is
to sit across from them

and look at their faces and say nothing.

And I need you to promise me right now
that that's exactly what you'll do.

Have you decided?

If we can still meet at the library
at night?

No. I haven't decided yet.

But if we want to rebuild trust,

the best way to do that
is to be honest with each other,

to talk to each other.

I have to be able to trust you guys.

Honesty?

Honesty? That's what you want from us?

Yes, it is.

Well, I miss Anya a lot.
And I don't know, I'm angry today.

Hey, wait up!

Wait.

- What's wrong?
- Nothing.

Bullshit. I can see it all over you.
What's wrong?

It's really nothing.

Look, I'm...

I'm sorry about last night.

It's okay.

No, it's not. I...

I feel really bad and...

Ilonka, what's wrong?

I got to tell you something, but...

you can't tell anyone else, okay?

It could be a lab error.
It could be anything.

I don't think so.

And I saw her face.
She doesn't think so either.

I'm sorry to tell you, but I...

I had to tell someone,
or I was just going to...

burst out crying.

It's probably just a mistake.

- What if it isn't?
- Then it isn't.

But what are the odds?

Well, this is unusual circumstances.

- Why?
- Because of what we did.

The ritual worked. Just...

not for Anya.

So what do we do now?

I'll be back as soon as I can,
and I'll let you know what I find out.

Where are you going?

Stanton's not the only one with answers.

She said no when I asked her if it was me.

Right after she told me she'd definitely
say no even if she was lying.

I see.

You think it's you.

- Oh, God, look at you.
- I don't know.

Yes, I see something.
I feel something coming off you.

You were so full of light all the time.
But today...

Yeah, it's brighter.

If it is me.

I don't know what I would do,
because if I'm okay and I'm going home,

- the others are...
- Bright girl.

Your heart.

Let me show you something.

Ah, right on time.

Oh, that's weird. I, uh...
I ordered the, uh, sangria.

We had to stop serving that.
The fruit kept getting caught in the line.

Oh, that's all right.
Uh, sparkling rosé then.

Okay. Hop on up.

These vitamins aren't going
to intravenously ingest themselves.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm working on a new bit.

A new bit?

Uh... Yeah. I...

Sometimes you got to give people
a little Chaplin.

- Who doesn't love Chaplin?
- Right?

Uh, it only benefits you to let me know
if your symptoms come back

or you're experiencing any new ones.

No, I, uh... my only new symptom
is physical comedy.

Hmm.

You sure you know what you're doing?

Relax. I know what I'm doing.

Right. Used to do this for the guys
at your boarding school.

That's what I said.

Wait, that's what you said
or that's what you did?

- Does it matter?
- With you?

Yes. Yes, it does.

Because you don't know
when I'm telling the truth,

which means you aren't
really paying attention.

Thank you.

I think you could just be bored.

And you decided cutting my hair
might be fun.

And so you made something up.

That's possible.

You know that story you told
the other day about that girl and you?

What about it?

Well, is it true?

Of course.

So... you're gay.

So, what?

Did you tell your parents?

Of course.

Hope it went better than mine.

Why?

Well, my mom...

Jesus Christ, my mom.

We still haven't bounced back, even...

Power to you.

You got the braves, Cheri.

No, I don't.

Not really.

It wasn't hard to tell my parents

because my parents don't care enough
for it to be hard.

I don't even know if they really heard me.

I could tell them I'm hooked on heroin
or I'm pregnant with octuplets,

and I still don't think
they'd care too much, so, no.

You got courage, friend.

You told your parents
and it f*cking mattered.

I don't know, though.

There's still so much
I haven't said to them.

My mom in particular. And...

Now. After Anya...

Well, I guess I wish
I had the stones to say it.

Hi.

He's busy.

- Come on.
- Ow!

Okay, okay, okay. This is weird.

Please stop being weird. What's up?

He's trying to do a really brave thing,
but he needs a ride.

Here's where we bottle the teas,
which is all well and good,

but over here doesn't smell great.

I... I didn't want to say it.

Do you know why I named my company
"Good Humor"?

Because laughter is the best medicine
or something?

All medicine in Ancient Greece
revolved around the theory of the humors.

A humor is a chemical system
that regulates the body.

The four humors in Ancient Greece were
blood, phlegm, yellow bile and black bile.

They believed that if you could keep
these four elements in perfect balance,

your body would be disease-free.

It's all connected
and it is all about balance.

Wait...

That's bile?

Some of it ours, which is gross, honestly.

But we aren't sending any of that
into the world. Don't worry.

That's just for us experimenting.

You know, they believed
that cancer happened

when there was an excess of black bile.

Is that true?

There's something very special

about the spot
where Brightcliffe is built.

Something very special
about that exact spot.

And the man who built Brightcliffe
knew that.

- Do you know that story?
- Samuel Oscar Freeland.

That's right. And so, I built this place
because it's as close as I could get,

as close as I could possibly get
to that place.

Stanton is sitting on a nexus point
unlike anything else

outside of ancient Egypt,
and she won't share it,

which is neither here nor there.
Another time.

So, that ritual, the five sisters,
the four humors on that property,

on that spot led by this girl,
I think it actually worked.

We've been trying for years,

decades, some of us, to recreate a little
bit of what you found the other night,

which is why we would love
to have you here with us.

So we could find more of that balance.

What is us?

What is this place?

This is just a place for people
on the path.

A safe place for people
who want real answers.

And you're welcome here any time.

And that's not an offer we make
to just anyone.

You could have a home here...

if you wanted.

You think about it.

Smart girl like you,
brilliant girl like you,

you think about it.

And if you could.

You said that you used
an old journal for the ritual.

- Athena's journal. Is that right?
- Yeah, that's right.

I would love to see it,

if I could...

borrow it.

Would you mind
if you could bring that here?

If I could look at that,
I could understand.

And maybe, just maybe, you and I
could figure out ways to help them.

Help who?

Your friends. All of them.

Everyone.

Stanton has it.

The journal. She took it.

Of course she did.

Well...

what do you think we can do about that?

- Well, hi.
- Oh, hey.

So, I was thinking, uh, nature walk.

Ilonka has been talking
about how cool the woods are

and I just sucked down a banana bag
full of vitamins,

so I've got the energy to spare. So...

Um, maybe we could find a way to spend it?

I don't know.

I might just stay in tonight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
We'll just... Let's just stay in then.

I... I might...

I don't know. I'm not feeling great today.

I think I might...

take the day to myself.

Yeah. Tell you what,

um, I'll go grab my book
and I'll park right outside your door.

Um, I'll just be right outside.

And just like a concierge, you just...

Whenever you need anything,
you open up. I'll be right there.

- Please don't do that.
- Because it's too luxurious?

Because it's, like, creepy,
like, epic cringe factor.

All right. I was just...

I was just joking.

I know. I'm...

I'm sorry. I...

I'm sorry.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

It's completely okay
if you just want to head back.

Spencer. What...

What? What are you doing here?

- Are you all right?
- I'm good. I just...

I need to talk to Mom.

In a short 25-year span of living...

he had allowed a tremendous amount
of sexual perversity into his life.

He'd also become grossly obese.

Spencer?

Hi, Mom.

The fight against the devil
that was going...

- What are you...
- So, um...

I've been practicing this,
but I don't know if that means

that I'm going to get through it, so...

Will you let me try?

And then you can talk if you still want.

I'm going to die.

It's happening right now.

I'm not going to get cured.
I'm not going to come home and, uh...

My friend...

A good friend. She just...

She just d*ed,
and she had no one around her but us.

No family. No friends. Just... just us and...

We were enough.

And I saw that.

And...

- I don't know. It got me thinking.
- Spence.

They're enough for me too.

That's what I realized.

And when my time comes...

and it's coming, like I said...

I'll be surrounded by people who love me

for who I am.

Without any judgment or asterisks,

or any of that awful sh*t
that you put on me.

And, you know, I get it.

It's how you were raised
and these beliefs you hold on to.

I get it. And...

While I'd love to have a relationship
with you, Mom, like a real one,

well, you all raised me in the church,
raised me to be a strong man,

built in God's image
and not to have to beg for love.

So, I'm not going to do that, but...

I'm also not going to lie about who I am.

Whether that embarrasses you,
or offends your idea of God, or whatever,

you do what you will.

Ignore me till I die
or love me till I die. But...

that's on you.

Because...

I love you, Mom.

I love you. Just how you are.

I love me. Just how I am.

And I'm pretty sure God does too.

I love you, Mom.

Are you certain?

Wow.

Wow, okay.

It is.

It is absolutely wonderful.

Could you fax me the results for her file?

Thanks again.

Okay. You have not said anything
the entire ride home.

So, before I let you go upstairs,
I just need to know you're okay.

I just can't believe I did that.

Would you do it again?

- Yeah.
- Then you know you did the right thing.

Thanks for this.

Just try not to b*at yourself
up tonight, okay?

Yeah. I'm just going to pretend
I'm in an alternate reality

with a bunch of gay people
and we do stupid gay sh*t

and everyone's supportive of each other.

And then I end up dancing.

That sounds great.

Hey.

- Hey.
- You, um... waiting for Natsuki?

Yeah, she's, um...

Yeah. She might be coming, I guess.

Everything okay with you two?

Us? Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Um...

It's just Anya, you know. Um...

It's hit us pretty hard.

You want to wait for her or...

Um...

No. Let's go.

What is it?

Oh.

Yeah. Cold.

She did tell us she hadn't decided yet
if we could keep meeting.

Might not want us talking
to each other too much just yet.

That's not fair.

Fair or not, looks like
we're not meeting tonight.

Which is fine, I was tired anyways.

Well then, late-night walk it is.

Hey.

Oh, well, there you are.

Sorry. It was, um... Sorry.

I took the scenic route.
Is everybody else down there?

Um...

Uh, the doors are locked.

Well, that...

That sucks.

Yeah. It does.

I, um...

missed you today.

Yeah.

You know, you really don't have
to feel bad

if you dump me. Really.

- What?
- They say life's too short

to be with someone
if you know if it isn't right,

and that's super true for us. So...

No, no, that's not... No.

I was going to tell a story tonight...

at the club.

Do you want to hear it?

Yeah.

Sorry I was hiding.

It isn't because I want to shut you out.

- No, no, no. I told you. I get it.
- It's because...

It's because I want to let you in.

Really, and...

I've been thinking a lot since Anya d*ed

about what's left and...

about you and me.

And I really, really want you
to hear the story.

I'm listening.

I call this story "Road to Nowhere."

It's about a girl named Teresa.

She's tough, she's complicated,
and she's not easy to know.

And when we meet her, it's on a night
where Teresa just had to get away.

♪ Cease to resist ♪

♪ Giving my goodbye ♪

♪ Drive my car into the ocean ♪

♪ You'll think I'm dead, but I sail away ♪

♪ On a wave of mutilation ♪

♪ A wave of mutilation ♪

♪ Wave of mutilation ♪

We need a ride. Can we get in?

- Oh, I don't know. I'm just driving...
- North?

- Straight ahead. Yeah, I...
- We're headed that way.

Got a gig.

You know what? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. f*ck it.

There we go.

Oh.

Thank you for the ride. What's your name?

- Teresa.
- Oh, I'm Freedom Jack.

And that's my girl, Poppy Corn.

Wow, those are names.

Well, you can't front a rock band
with a name like Chad.

Do you mind if I smoke?

- Oh, I...
- Don't worry. It's not tobacco, sweetie.

If that's what you're worried about.

Got to mind what you breathe, you hear me?

So, uh, you guys are in a rock band?

We are a rock band.

There's two more of us,
or else we'd be a duo.

So...

Where are you headed, Teresa?

I'm not really sure.

Uh, anywhere but here.

What do you know?
I think I've heard of that place.

I might have been there.
I might have played there once or twice.

Just drive all night. Destination unknown.

That the idea?

That's the idea.

That's a fine idea.
Just drive, drive, drive.

No particular place to go.

Oh, that's a rare thing.

That's a beautiful thing, young lady.

Ooh, another hitcher.

I don't think they're hitching up.
Their thumb isn't out.

- Oh, best not slow down, then.
- They might need help.

Might be in trouble.

I think they would wave us down
if they needed help.

Well, maybe they don't know
they need help.

Or maybe they don't know how to ask.

For what it's worth, I think
you were right to keep on driving.

This ain't your car, Free.
You got to ask her if she likes it loud.

Oh, I... I don't mind.

An open road like this, wide open,
it's the soundtrack.

See? She gets it.

Don't listen to her.
Yeah. Turn it up loud.

Drive all night long.
That's rock and roll.

Yeah, not quite all night.
You only got a quarter t*nk left.

That's...

- That's weird, I...
- There's a gas station up ahead.

I mean a quarter t*nk is plenty.
You don't need to stop.

- You should pull over.
- Eventually.

But a quarter t*nk is plenty of gas.
You can keep going.

Pull over.

Whoa, hang on.

Let me check and see if anybody's here.

Ooh.

It's freezing out.

Better keep that heat going.

You know, it isn't safe
to pick up hitchers.

Especially a young lady driving all alone.

You're a brave girl.

I don't give a sh*t.

Yeah, I get that.

You don't give a sh*t. f*ck it.

You're driving anywhere but here.

What are you driving from, darling?

Nothing.

I just had to go.

Why?

I don't... I mean, does it matter.

Do you have a good childhood?

- I guess, but...
- What did you want to be when you grew up?

More than anything else, when you thought
about your perfect future,

what did you look like? What did you do?

Why do you want to know?

Because I find you fascinating.

Why?

I can tell.

Where did you want to be
ten years from now?

Or what about five years
or one year tomorrow?

Just make something up.

One thing you wanted to do

after tonight.

I don't know.

There's no one else. No cars on the road.

No one else. How did I get here?

How did I... I'm not supposed to be here.

What?

What the f*ck was that?

I guess everyone's on their own path
out here.

A lot of lost souls at rest stops.

Angels and devils
and the whole f*cking lot.

Girl ought to be careful.

Hey, k*ll the engine.

- Why?
- k*ll the engine?

- But why? The heat...
- Will last.

No one's here.

I think it must be closed.

Are you sure about that, baby?

There must be more gas stations
up the road. Just keep driving.

It's her f*cking car, Free.

Don't tell her what to do.

Sorry about that.

I love night driving,
especially when it's dark like this.

See the other cars up the road in the fog?

At first, you only see tail lights.

Like red eyes in the dark.

Oh, what is that?

- What's wrong?
- It won't... it won't roll.

Don't you guys smell that?

- What is that? It smells like...
- Oh, you should pull over.

If it's coming from the engine,
you should pull over.

Oh, sorry. It's my joint.

When did you light...

That's not the smell.

You okay, Teresa?

Yeah, it's just late. I'm... I'm tired.

- This'll help.
- I'm good.

Seriously? What is that smell?

f*ck!

Hey, it's okay.

God.

What was that?

Oh, we probably hit something flying.
A bird...

- In the middle of the night.
- A bat then.

What did it look like?

I don't know. I didn't see it.
It looked...

I think it was green.

It's going to hurt.

What?

- What are you saying to her, Free?
- Nothing.

What the f*ck?

Well, how about that, now?
That is f*cking interesting.

He must have passed us when we stopped.

We should stop.

- f*ck!
- Oh!

Oho! That's more like it.

Okay, pull over.
There's another gas station up ahead.

- What was that?
- Pull over!

Is this the same gas station?

Nah, they... they just all look the same
out here.

Well, does anyone at any of them
working tonight?

Oh... oh, sit tight.

You wait here. I'll check it out.

It's late. It might be dangerous.

Better keep the engine running.

It's your car, Teresa.

It's your f*cking car.

You don't have to do what he says.

Smell sucks.

Then let's get some air.

Walk outside. You and me.

Get away from the smell. What do you say?

There we go.

Go! Get in the car now!

We need to go! Get in the f*cking car!

What's happening? Is someone following us?

Drive! Now! Now!

What the f*ck?

It's... It's nothing. It's all good.

What the hell?

It's nothing.

Oh, no. I'm sure he's right.

I'm actually pretty sure
it was just nothing.

That was close.

What was that?

- He's just gloating.
- She's just jealous.

What the f*ck are you two talking about?
And what the f*ck is going on?

What if I k*lled the attendant?

Shut up.

Seriously, what if I k*lled him?

What if I bought a case of beer,
and he looked at me funny and I got mad,

and I dipped into the register
and he fought me.

So, I grabbed his face,
and I slammed it onto the counter,

and his teeth broke off.

And I jumped over the counter.

I broke a bottle and I use that
to saw into his throat.

And that took a while.

But then the blood sprayed out.

That's why it's always good

to stand behind them
when you're doing that,

because the blood sprays
and it stays mostly off of your clothes.

Mostly.

Maybe that's why I wear dark clothes.

Because it hides the blood.

Get the f*ck out of my car.

- Hey, now...
- I'm going to pull over

and you're going to get the f*ck
out of my car.

I don't think so. And don't you dare.

Hey, knock it off. He's full of sh*t.

Maybe I'm full of sh*t.
Or maybe Poppy knows better.

Maybe she knows

that we never leave anyone alive
once they find out what we do.

And maybe she likes you.

And that's why she doesn't want you
to believe me.

Maybe we have to handle you

the way we handled that other dude

who picked us up earlier tonight.

Free.

Or maybe I'm just full of sh*t,
but I'll tell you what...

It's going to hurt.

And that's the only thing
you've said so far that's true.

Hey, are you okay?

Jesus.

Jesus.

- What the f*ck was that...
- Hey. Come on.

- Proud... proud of yourself?
- Why are you talking about...

- What are you even doing?
- Why are you such a f*cking ass...

What are you talking about?

- You do this every time...
- Oh my god!

Aren't you part of the band?

You're such a f*cking manchild.

Maybe you should go on a solo career.

Get the f*ck out of here.

What? What is happening?

What?

A-and don't f*ck with me.
What happened back there?

And... And don't try to scare me
or whatever.

Or I'll pull over. And you take a walk.

What? What happened back where?

At the gas station.

I told you there was no one there.

I jacked a case of beer,
and I heard a noise.

Do you remember that?

Of course she does. She just zoned out
for a second, right?

Ye-yeah, I... I zoned out.

I'm sorry. I'm tired.

Are we driving in a circle? I...

- I don't think so.
- We might be.

That f*cking smell.

What the f*ck?

That's okay.

Teresa.

Oh, no. You... you can't stop now, honey.

Watch out!

Is that a kid. I...

We should check on her. k*ll the engine.

No, don't.

I... I know about this sh*t. She's a lure.

They use a kid, they stop the car,

and then psycho is waiting in the bushes

or crouching down by the door.

They're ready to gut you alive
right on the road,

even as they steal your wheels
and they drive very slowly over you

so they break every bone. One at a time.

She's a little girl, Free.

That's what they want you to think.

I feel like I know her from somewhere.

She's so little. I...

No, no, no. Don't, don't, don't get out!

Are you okay?

Wait!

Hey. Don't... don't go after her.
It's a trap. I swear.

I'll go with you.

You're both f*cking insane.

What the f*ck?

That... that smell, it...

What?

She's not in there.

But where would she be?

A little girl out here all by herself.

We got to find her.

The garage.

Open it.

Dude, just leave it.
We... We get back in the car.

What? No...

No. I... I...

I... I don't... I don't...

You never left the garage.

You're dying.

It's gonna hurt.

Dying?

Living.

It's gonna f*cking hurt if you stay.

You know that.

It'll be f*cking pain if you stay.

This is the right call.

Let it ride.

Let it ride all night
and straight on till morning.

He's not lying about that.

Everything you said
before you got in the car,

before you turn on the engine.

You were right.

It's going to hurt so bad if you stay.

It'll be so hard.

Life is so f*cking hard. And it'll hurt.

But I'm fighting for you.

Who are you?

We're you, sweetie.

It'll be hard if you stay.

But I'll fight for you.
I'll still be here.

But it's so much easier
if you just let go.

Let the engine run.
Just let yourself slip away.

You'll carry us both with you always.

And we're gonna argue
in your mind. Always.

It'll be so f*cking hard.
But I'll help you carry her.

I'm so tired.

I know. But you're needed.

In ways you can't see it.

No one needs you. You're replaceable.

You could never be.

You need to be here.

You don't. Be free.

Just hang on for a second longer.

Just a moment longer.

And see what happens.

It's easier this way.

It was the longest drive of her life,

and she never left the house.

It was the darkest road of her life,
and she never left the garage.

But in the end,

she chose to stay.

She chose to stay.

I don't know if it mattered in the end,
though.

What do you mean?

Because I changed the end a little.

It's a better story
when she opens the garage door.

But here's the thing.

She made it out of the car, at least.

But she didn't make it any further.

What happened for real
was that her mom came home

and smelled the gas.

She came inside to see her daughter
with her bloodshot eyes and swollen face.

Suffocated on carbon monoxide.

And she screamed.

She screamed in a way
she only screamed once before.

It was the same way she screamed
when she found out her husband d*ed.

She breathed into her daughter's lungs,

and pushed her daughter's heart to b*at.

And she sat in the ambulance
next to her daughter and held her hand.

And then her daughter was gonna live.

She was alive and breathing again.
And then...

And then the doctors said
they found another type of poison

living inside of her.

She had brought her daughter back to life,
but she was dying anyway.

Slower this time.

I'm sorry. I don't know what to say,
other than I'm... I'm glad you're here.

Even if it only means
for a little while longer.

It's the weirdest thing.

I really thought I didn't want to live.

I really thought it.

You know, depression is amazing like that.

Your own brain is trying to k*ll you.

Your own thoughts are trying to k*ll you.

And I... I listen to them.

Then...

I thought I wanted to die.

But I survived, and I realized
how much I wanted to live.

Then, I found out I was dying anyway.

That's f*cked with me.

f*cked with me at every turn.

I'm sorry. I don't...

I don't know what to...

Why did you tell me that story?

Because I want you to know me.

Really know me.

Because I want you to stay.

Hello?

Hey!

Hey, I said.

Let's stop the bullshit.

Tell me what the f*ck you want from me.

Kevin?

Oh, God.

Are you okay?

Not again.