[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[RUMBLING]
It won't be long now.
Structural integrity
has passed the point of no return.
I just need to put in
the final calculations.
There has to be another way.
[COOS]
This is the only way.
[RUMBLING]
[COOING]
My son, someday I pray you'll have
a child
that will bring you as much joy
as you have brought us.
Even in this short time, you have
changed our lives for the better.
[COOING]
We love you with all that we are.
Goodbye, my son.
It is time.
[RUMBLING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[COOING]
[VOICE OVER SYSTEM] Trans-light engines
activated in three, two, one.
[WHOOSHING]
[HEROIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[JONATHAN] "In the decade of the s,
even the great city of Metropolis
was not spared
the ravages of worldwide depression.
In the times of fear and confusion,
the job of informing the public
was the responsibility
of the daily planet."
[GROANS LOUDLY] Somebody k*ll me.
Why couldn't you guys be,
I don't know, like, doctors or lawyers,
or, like, a celebrity chef?
Yeah, like, anything besides reporters.
Because reporting is an important and
essential part of a civilized society.
They call it
the fifth branch of government.
Or is it the fourth?
Do you know where my purse is?
The couch.
But, okay, doing a report on reporters,
it's boring.
Bodng?
Good reporters make good stories.
Boring reporters don't last long.
Listen, every time I start a story,
I follow a couple of rules.
One, find your hook, your angle.
How can you write this thing
like no one else? It's like...
It's like, you know those
violent video games you play?
I mean, iwouldn't call them violent.
Trust me, they're violent.
In those games, you're always looking
for the weak point, right?
And sometimes, you have to hit them
with different moves,
in different locations to b*at it.
Same thing with reporting.
Find your angle, your "in"
and you'll vanquish your report
in no time.
[GROANS LOUDLY]
I guess.
Hey, which one of us
has won journalist of the year?
You or me?
Oh, and one more thing.
With most stories,
we already know the ending.
The airliner crashed.
The girl was saved.
What's interesting is how that happened.
How we got there.
Always start at the beginning,
and you'll already have your end.
The rest is cake.
Speaking of which, I have to pick up
the birthday cake by : . sh**t.
You want me to write
about how you two dated?
I love you, mom, I love you.
But you and dad are the most
unexciting couple in the entire universe
[CHUCKLES, SNORTS]
If only that were true.
Uh, that's hairspray.
Your water bottle's by the door.
Yeah, I'll probably need it.
Remember, do your best.
I have to head to the city,
but I'll be back before dinner.
Your dad should be home soon.
Love you.
- Three, two...
- Forgot the purse.
And, Jonathan...
No looking for birthday presents
while I'm gone.
- Mm-hmm.
- [GROANS LOUDLY]
Fine.
[ENGINE STARTS]
Bingo!
Cosplay?
Oh, too easy.
[GRUNTS]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Don't look inside, Jon.
You don't want to ruin the surprise.
- But then again...
- [CLARK] Jonathan!
[GASPS]
Dad's home.
- Hey, kiddo.
- Hey, how was your trip?
Good. Interesting.
The scientists have discovered
this strange phenomenon
with certain types of ants.
Normally, they follow
the queen ant's directions,
but now, they're moving
of their own accord.
Which is better than
if the queen ant was dead,
because if the queen ant dies,
then so does the colony.
Sounds amazing.
[CHUCKLES]
Sorry I'm boring you with nerd talk.
Now, if you're done looking
for presents in the house...
What? Me? No, I would never.
How about you help me
with a few of the chores
that seem to have been neglected
while I was away?
[CRACKS KNUCKLES]
[SPITS]
[GRUNTS]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[JONATHAN CHUCKLES]
[COW MOOING]
[GRUNTS]
Hey.
- [CHUCKLES]
- [CHUCKLES]
Now you've done it!
Come here.
[JONATHAN CHUCKLES] Whoa.
[CLARK] Hmm.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
Where could he be?
[CHUCKLES]
Gotcha!
[BOTH LAUGHING]
- Dad?
- Yeah?
I know that you and mom
think that your job is super important,
and it is, and everything,
but I don't know.
I... I miss having you around.
Yeah, I miss being around.
Son, someday, this will make sense,
but being a reporter,
it's a big responsibility.
- It's...
- The fourth estate.
Yeah, yeah. Mom gave me the whole spiel.
It sounds like fake news to me.
I mean, you've been gone
for two weeks, for what?
Just to find out why
ants are going crazy?
Well, it's really fascinating.
They actually...
[SIGHS] Yeah, I'm sure. I just...
Couldn't you, I don't know,
look it up on the Internet?
If I didn't have to go, I wouldn't.
You need to believe me, son.
Butjobs, especially mine,
involve some sacrifice.
Come on, it's not like
you're putting your life on the line.
You're just putting your name
on a byline.
[CHUCKLES]
You'd be surprised.
But you'll be here tomorrow, right?
For your game?
Or your birthday?
I thought maybe you forgot.
Jonathan, you are the most important
thing that has ever happened to me.
I'll never forget about you.
[RUMBLING]
Wow! Look at that one!
Yeah, that's... you know what, kid?
I think your mom just got back.
You better wash up for dinner.
Uh, where are you going?
I just realized
I have a quick errand to run.
Tell your mom I'll be back later.
- Sure.
- And Jonathan...
Happy birthday.
Thanks, dad.
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO]
[GRUNTS]
Superman to watchtower.
Everyone all right?
Everything's fine. We were hit by
some sort of space debris.
Looks like you closed it up,
- but if you want to come in...
- No time.
A Tsunami is about to hit Japan.
Contact Batman.
Let him know the damage assessment.
He's into that sort of thing.
And then there was one.
[SIGHS]
[CLANKING]
[CLANKING]
[LOW GROWLING]
[SHRIEKS]
[GASPS]
[ANNOUNCER] Now batting, Jonathan Kent!
Yeah!
Come on, Jon! You got this!
Whoo!
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, look. It's can't hit Kent.
We might as well start packing up
and head home
because this game's as good as over.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[UMPIRE] Strike one!
Strike two!
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Come on, Jon, you got this.
Strike three, you're out!
Good job, Jonathan can't!
[BOTH LAUGHING]
You'll get them next time, kiddo.
Now, how about
we go celebrate your birthday?
Jonathan?
[JONATHAN] I just want to go home, mom.
[SIGHS]
How is he?
Upset.
You said you were gonna be there.
- I know, but there was...
- Hey, you don't need to tell me.
Remember how many dates
you had to leave in the middle of
because of an "emergency"?
The world needs you, I get it.
But... he needs you, too.
[SIGHS]
- I know.
- He's getting older.
Maybe... maybe it's time for the "talk."
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Jon? It's dad. Can I come in?
[JONATHAN] No!
[SIGHS]
I know you're upset,
- but work was...
- Work is important.
Yeah. You've told me.
I just didn't think that it was
more important than your word.
Look, I'm sorry.
- I...
- I don't care that you're sorry.
I just want you to be here!
You care more about your dumb job
than you do your own son!
Jon, it's not like that.
Listen, let's talk this out.
I'm coming in. Okay?
[CRYING, PANTING]
[YELLS]
[GASPS]
[JONATHAN CRYING]
[CLARK] Jonathan? Son?
Leave me alone.
[CLARK] I'm your father.
I can't leave you alone.
Sorry, kid, it's in the contract.
No, seriously, dad. Something is...
Something's wrong with me.
- I'm a freak.
- [CLARK] No, you're not a freak.
You're no more a freak than I am.
Dad, you just...
You wouldn't understand.
[CLARK] Oh...
I might.
My dad is Superman?
Like, the Superman?
This is the best birthday ever!
Was it just the heat vision
or was there something else?
- I don't know.
- [JONATHAN WHOOPS]
Does he have X-ray vision?
If he has X-ray vision,
we can't send him to school.
- You know that, right?
- [JONATHAN LAUGHS]
I think it's just the heat vision.
You think?
We need to know, Clark, this is serious.
So that means
that I'm a superhero, too, right?
Like, does that... does that mean I get
to join the justice league and stuff?
[GASPS]
Do I get to meet Batman?
What are we gonna do?
[SIGHS]
We knew this was a possibility.
I just...
He wasn't lifting cars at two years old
like you were.
So, I thought maybe
it skipped a generation, like, red hair.
Don't worry, I'll get him checked out.
We'll see what's happening.
It'll be fine.
- [FIHUDS]
- [GROANS]
Nope. Can't fly.
Mostly fine.
Woo-hoo!
Yeah!
Woo-hoo!
Oh, yeah!
[LAUGHS EXCITEDLY]
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
Whoa.
Yeah!
Woo-hoo!
[JONATHAN LAUGHING]
Mom? Mom!
What, honey?
Superman is out the window
and he has some kid hanging on his back.
Yeah, you know what? I was wrong.
Here's my phone. Have some fun.
This is amazing!
My favorite part of being an alien.
So, you're... okay. So...
[CLEARS THROAT]
That means that I'm half alien, too,
right?
I'm half alien.
I'm half alien!
I'm half alien!
You're taking this a lot better
than I thought you would.
[DUCKS QUACKING]
Why wouldn't I? I mean, this...
My dad is the greatest superhero
in the world.
Besides Batman.
It's pretty much
the greatest birthday present ever.
Yeah. It's been really hard
not to tell you,
but keeping you and your mother safe
is my top priority.
That means being on call.
My job, my real job
is helping the world.
Standing for truth, justice
and the American way,
wherever that takes me.
Awesome.
Sometimes. But as glamorous
as you might think this is,
it takes me away from you
and your mother.
And you should know it's dangerous.
It's a real sacrifice.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Oh, what should I be called though?
What about... what about...
Well, superboy's taken, right?
So, what about, uh, dragoneyes,
but with a "," z or supremo?
Or, uh, kid wonder!
Superman two or...
Ugh! What's that smell?
Gotham city.
[JONATHAN] This is Gotham?
I thought the Internet was exaggerating.
But why doesn't somebody
do something about this?
Somebody is.
[POLICE SIREN WAILING]
[GRUNTS]
Get him!
[BOTH GRUNTING]
- Uh, dad, shouldn't we help him?
- No.
He tends to get a bit grumpy
when I step in.
Is he always this... oh!
Rough? It's not as bad as it looks.
He's actually going pretty easy on them.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
That's easy?
This is my town, Batman.
[PENGUIN GRUNTING]
Hey.
[GRUNTS]
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Aw...
Come on, Batman.
Let's come to an agreement, huh?
I'll promise to be a good bird
and you let me fly the Coop, eh?
Okay.
[PENGUIN SCREAMING]
[GASPS] No way!
[SCREAMING]
Clark.
Hey, a little help here?
You... you... you're...
I'm Batman.
Wow!
[GASPS]
This is the... wow!
- This is the... [GASPS]
- Welcome to the batcave.
[GASPS]
Look! That's the Batmobile,
and the batcomputer,
and the batdinosaur. And that...
[DAMIAN] Who's the new kid? Obvious boy?
Jon, this is Batman's son, Damian.
Jon?
So, you have toilet powers?
Relax, Damian. They're friends.
Sure. Friends.
So should I go into your utility belt
and get the you-know-what-a-nite?
Damian, please. They need our help.
Set up Jon in the meta analyzer.
Don't you mean the bat meta analyzer?
Sorry. Sorry. I just thought...
Never mind.
Fine. Follow me, farm boy.
- Is that a giant penny?
- Don't touch the penny.
In fact, don't touch anything.
- Reminds me of us when we first met.
- I was nicer.
How's he doing?
I mean, now that he's living with you.
He wants to be good, I think.
But what ra's
and Talia put him through...
Give it time.
No one ever said parenting
would be easy.
Especially when they've
been through so much.
Thanks. I hope so.
[BUZZING]
- He's done.
- Well?
Nothing definitive.
I have no idea what powers
could manifest next, if any at all.
If his first power set
was brought on by extreme stress,
it stands to reason
- that another traumatic moment...
- [JONATHAN SIGHS]
Might unlock something else.
Let's test that theory.
[SCREAMING]
Damian!
[JONATHAN SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
[PANTING]
What was that? Are you kidding me?
- You piece of...
- What?
You said a traumatic moment
might help him unlock some more powers.
Seems logical to test it out.
Not by trying to k*ll him.
[SCOFFS] If I wanted to do that,
he'd already be dead.
That's enough.
Who is this kid?
Out. Now!
Well, he's obviously not invulnerable.
[SCOFFS] Obviously.
[BATMAN SIGHS]
I'm sorry.
It's okay. He's had a tough time.
He's had a tough time?
Jonathan, could I borrow your dad
for a minute?
Yeah. Oh, yeah, of course.
Sure, sure, sure.
I'll just be over here,
you know, nursing my bat wounds.
Have you heard
from the watchtower lately?
Green arrow hasn't checked in?
He said he'd give you updates
after last night.
Last night?
The watchtower,
it was knocked out of orbit.
I was able to right it
before heading to Japan for the Tsunami.
I told green arrow to check in with you,
give updates.
I haven't been able
to raise them on comms.
I'm suspicious.
Well, that's not unusual for you.
Try them again.
[DAMIAN]
So, where should we meet for patrol?
No patrol tonight.
We've been called up to the watchtower
for some emergency.
- Great. I'll head to the tower and...
- Damian. Damian...
Only the titans have been called
to the watchtower, and well...
You've never officially been inducted,
so...
[DAMIAN] An oversight, I'm sure.
I'll head over,
swear on whatever you have handy and...
No! No.
[SIGHS]
Damian, we've taken a vote.
We don't want you on the team.
You're just too violent,
and don't do well with others.
We are a team. We need to work as one,
and I'm sorry to say this,
but you don't care for anyone
but yourself.
- Sorry.
- Sorry? Don't be sorry.
The only reason I've come around
is 'cause my father, Batman,
begged me to.
And why would I want to hang out with a
bunch of justice league wannabes anyway?
- Damian, I'm just...
- Good luck on failing without me.
[SIGHS]
Hey, I was wondering if you could
show me...
[COW MOOS]
You have a cow?
Of course I have a cow.
[MOOS]
When was the last time you milked her?
Milked her?
Yeah. You have to milk it, it's a cow.
Listen, I can milk her, dude.
It's fine, it's no problem.
Over my dead body.
I don't need some small town hick
telling me how to take care of a cow.
I'm the grandson of the demon's head.
I've k*lled more people
than you'll ever meet.
So leave my cow and my cave alone!
[MOOS]
Hey, don't look at me, he's your friend.
[BATMAN] Green arrow, is that you?
Yes. Sorry.
We 're having trouble with the comms.
Whatever hit the watchtower,
knocked out a couple of transmitters,
but we're almost up and running.
Understood. Keep me updated
as to your progress.
Of course, Batman. Watchtower out.
- Something's off.
- Something's off.
Let me drop Jonathan at home
and we'll head to the watchtower,
see what's really going on.
Hey, dad.
- Hey. Ready to go?
- Yep.
Uh, Mr. Batman,
you have an awesome cave.
It was really great to meet you.
Oh! And, uh, here.
[LOIS] How did it go?
As well as can be expected.
Mom, I met Batman!
He's so...
[YAWNS]
- Uh, broody?
- No, I was gonna say cool.
All right, kiddo, time for bed.
But, dad, we should go on patrol, right?
[YAWNS]
I mean, you never know
what bad guys are up to in Smallville.
Then lucky them,
because you need some sleep.
You have school tomorrow.
[GROANS]
[YAWNS]
I'm leaving a present
on your nightstand.
It'll help you on your first step
to being a superhero.
Thanks, dad.
I love you guys.
- Good night.
- Love you, too.
Good night.
I have to go back out.
Something strange is going on
at the watchtower.
- It's the night for that, I suppose.
- What do you mean?
I've been getting these wild tips
from contacts all throughout
central and South America.
The crime rate has plummeted.
Well, that's good, right?
You would think.
But when I say "plummeted,"
I mean, there's no more crime.
Not even a purse snatching
being reported.
[JONATHAN] We should go investigate.
I'll go get my cape.
[SNORES]
- We did good.
- Yeah, we sure did.
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
Watchtower.
Batman, security code x- docking.
It's quiet.
- Let's do a full sweep.
- On it.
We have to get out of here. Now!
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
Some present.
[MELVIN CHUCKLES]
So that's why you couldn't hit anything.
You're blind.
Whatever, Melvin.
Listen, can't see Kent,
I think you need to apologize
for losing our game.
"Our game"? You aren't even on our team.
[BOTH] Ooh!
I could be on the team if I wanted to.
But only nerds with good grades
are allowed to play, and I'm no nerd.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
Wait. I'm on the team.
Shut it, Kenny. You know what?
Maybe I'll just make Jonathan here
do my homework,
and then I'll join the team
and we'll never lose again.
[SCOFFS] In your dreams.
[GRUNTS]
Oh!
Super-strength.
You okay, Melvin?
Of course I'm okay.
I must have tripped.
Like I said, how about an apology?
Only when your mom
apologizes for your face.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Did you just... did you...
You're in for it now, Kent!
Do your worst, Melvin, the moron.
[MELVIN GRUNTS]
[DAMIAN SIGHS]
Who needs the teen titans?
Teen titans. [SCOFFS]
Stupid name anyway.
I'll make my own team.
Yeah, maybe we'll even lead an as*ault
on titans tower.
Show them how well we can work together.
[SCOFFS] You tried to sneak up on me?
My mother taught me
how to avoid that in the crib.
Father, are you, okay?
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTING]
[SCREECHING]
What the...
[YELPS]
[GROANS]
[DAMIAN GRUNTS]
[GRUNTING]
[BEEPS]
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
Father, don't make me hurt you.
It is time.
[GRUNTING, STRAINING]
Father, please, snap out of it.
[SCREAMING]
The southern hemisphere
has been taken over.
We ! Be at the tipping point soon,
and this planet will be ours.
And the others?
They've been taken care of.
All threats have been infected.
- It is time.
- It is time.
[STRAINING]
[MOOS]
They've all been infected.
No one's left, but...
Oh, really?
[MOOS]
Yes, yes, I'll save him, okay?
But only 'cause you asked.
Honestly, Jonathan,
I expect more from you.
And I'm sure your mother
and father do, too.
- But Melvin...
- You know Melvin has issues.
People like that need
more sympathy and Patience.
And maybe, if you have the heart,
they deserve friendship.
- You're kidding me.
- No, I'm not.
People like Melvin, they're hurt.
They lash out.
But you take the time
to get to know them,
well, they'll be the most loyal friend
you'll ever know.
Thanks, but no thanks.
Just think about it.
Now, if you were any other kid,
you'd be suspended.
But as it is, I put in a call
to your mother and she said,
and I quote, "I'll be there
to make sure he never does that again."
I hope you learned your lesson,
young man.
Yeah, um,
you know what, principal Cunningham,
you're right, lesson learned.
You really are amazing at your job.
I promise, no more trouble from me.
Damn, I am good at my job.
[SCOFFS]
Really? Isn't that a little obvious?
I was actually a fan before I found out.
You know who was my...
You know what? It doesn't matter.
What are you doing here?
Aliens are taking over the globe.
Come on, farm boy.
- We've got to go save our dads.
- What? How?
- What happened to your face?
- Uh...
Actually, another power
kicked in today, so...
It was super-strength.
But evidently, super-strength doesn't
mean invulnerability to punches, so...
So you punched yourself?
[GROANS] Just please stay on point.
What is this about aliens?
That's right, you're a little slow.
Okay, one more time. Batman showed up,
tried to stick
some parasitic organism on me.
I saw that you were next on the list.
So here I am. I've just saved you.
You're welcome.
Look at this.
You hanging out with cosplay losers now?
Oh, he hit you.
Yeah, I did.
Should have used your heat vision,
honestly.
Listen, kid, I know he's annoying,
but we have no time to interact with you
you'll make time.
Ooh.
[GRUNTS]
What did you do?
Paralyzing technique
I learned from my grandfather.
- He should recover, in about a week.
- A week?
[LOIS] Jonathan.
Jonathan.
It's time to go home.
- She's compromised.
- Oh, my mom never compromises.
She's been taken over, idiot.
What? No. No! She's fine.
I've been around the block, Kent.
I know when someone's
being mind controlled.
- Shut up.
- What, you don't believe me?
- Test her then.
- Okay, fine.
I'll test her.
Hi, mom. Uh...
When we get home, can I play video games
and maybe break into that tub
of ice cream
you try to hide from me in the freezer?
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Mm.
Of course, dear.
That sounds like a marvelous idea.
Now, come over here and give me a hug.
- Yeah, she's been taken over.
- Told you.
Jonathan,
I said come over here and give me a hug.
It is time.
It is time.
It is time.
It is time.
[SCREECHES]
[GASPS]
She's right behind us!
Get in!
[SCREECHING]
- [SCREECHING]
- [BOTH SCREAM]
[GRUNTING]
- Do something.
- I am doing something.
I'm trying to fly away.
You do something.
You have heat vision.
Just k*ll her already.
I am not gonna k*ll my mom!
Oh, there! The pond!
Can you get us over there?
- [GROWLING]
- [DAMIAN GRUNTS]
Sorry, mom.
[SHRIEKS]
You think she's okay?
Yeah, she's fine. Greatjob.
Uh, maybe we should...
[SCREAMING]
[COUGHING]
Jonathan.
[DAMIAN] We need to lay low,
examine the alien for weaknesses.
And how are we going to do that?
You have an alien handy?
- Actually...
- [GASPS] All right.
So, s.T.A.R. Labs maybe? Kord tech?
No, no. They'll be compromised.
Okay, then where?
I have an idea.
Come on, lift with your knees.
[STRAINS, PANTS]
I'm kind of new
to this super-strength thing.
Just give me a minute.
Sure. Every minute we waste here,
the world is being overrun
by murderous starfish,
but take your time.
- What?
- Take your time! You're doing great!
Okay, okay, okay!
I got it! I got it! I got it!
[STRAINING]
Yes! Oh, did you see that?
Who's the man? I'm the man.
Who's the man? I'm the man.
Greatjob. Now you just have to turn it.
[SIGHS]
[GROANS]
[DAMIAN] That's it?
My father said Superman kept
his most prized possessions here.
And all it takes to get in
is a large key?
So, I guess super-intellect
is not one of his powers.
[LOW GROWLING]
What was that?
Probablyjust the ice,
you know, melting.
[GROWLING]
Is that a dog?
[BOTH SCREAMING]
Your dad has a super-dog? Why didn't he
tell you he has a super-dog?
Questions I'm gonna ask later.
[GRUNTS]
- [GROWLS]
- [GRUNTS]
[GROWLING]
[STRAINING]
I got it!
[GROWLS]
Come on!
[BOTH GASP]
[YELPS]
[Yelpingi
[BOTH PANTING]
Which way?
How should I know?
I've never been here before.
Then why did we come here?
[JONATHAN] What?
- [GRUNTS]
- [GROWLING]
[JOR-EL] Heel!
And I thought the batcave was weird.
Krypto. Don't you know who this is?
This is Kal-El's son, Jonathan.
[PANTING]
Okay! Okay! Okay! Okay! Okay! Good boy.
How did you know who I was?
A cursory glance at your DNA.
What are you, some kind of ghost?
No. I am the artificial embodiment
of Jonathan's grandfather, Jor-El.
I, along with krypto,
are the guardians
of the fortress of solitude.
My grandfather?
Yes. You are from along line
of heroes and scientists.
The house of El lives in you now.
It's important that you understand
who you are and where you've come from.
Embedded in the crystals before you
is the total accumulation
of all literature and scientific fact
from dozens of other worlds
spanning the known galaxies.
Yeah, sorry, old timer.
Maybe another time.
Right now, we got bigger problems.
Is there any way you can scan this,
tell us what it is?
Yes, that is a spore
from the alien known as starro.
"Starro"?
[JOR-EL] A parasitic creature
that can produce millions of spores.
These spores,
such as you have in your vial,
are then deposited
onto an unsuspecting planet,
taking control of its populace,
effectively controlling the planet
until the hive mind
can then drain it of life unabated.
"Hive mind"?
Like a queen ant?
Similar. Yes.
- What are you prattling on about?
- My dad.
He said that a bunch of hive-controlled
insects were going crazy.
They must have been reacting
to the presence of the hive mind.
Which means, just like the queen ant,
if we can take out the hive mind,
- then the spores will just...
- Die.
Huh.
Impressive.
More iikelyjust lucky.
Mm-hmm.
So, how do we k*ll it?
Unknown.
My biological counterpart
had just acquired the specimen
before Krypton was destroyed.
[GROANS] What good are you?
Can you at least tell us
where this thing is?
I'm sorry. That is beyond my capability.
Great.
You know, my mom told me
that in order to figure out a story,
you have to start from the beginning.
- When did these spores start showing up?
- I know this.
After you came to visit us
at the batcave,
my father and your dad
went to investigate
some problem at the watchtower.
Something had hit it the night before,
knocking out their communications.
They thought it was
some random space debris.
But odds are...
- It was the hive mind!
- It was the hive mind.
- So that means...
- We have to go to space.
We have to go to space!
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Miss Lane! Miss Lane!
Mr. White's been trying
to get a hold of you.
Some sort of global pandemic
has hit the southern states
and he wants you at the front line to...
- Open your mouth.
- [HESITATES] What?
Jimmy, open your mouth.
[WHIMPERS]
- Are you okay, miss Lane?
- No, none of us are.
Jimmy, there are aliens.
They reach into your...
[SIGHS]
Jimmy, my son is out there.
I know he's in the middle of this,
and I need to help him.
I thought maybe I could
slip onto the mid-day program,
warn people, but... [SIGHS]
I don't know who's been taken over.
Aliens? Well, you mean, like...
You mean, like Superman?
No, nothing like him.
I think I know how to stop them,
or hurt them anyway.
I just... we have to figure out a way
to tell everyone.
Get the word out.
Oh. Gee, miss Lane.
The only way you could do that
is if you were the president.
He's allowed to break into broadcasts
in the case of emergencies,
- but, um, seeing as how...
- Jimmy, you're a genius.
[CHUCKLES]
Shucks, miss Lane.
It's a little cramped.
That is because
my biological counterpart
made the ship for your father
when he was but a baby.
- I toiled for years when...
- Yeah, yeah, I get it.
Your grandfather likes to monologue
almost as much as mine.
All right, let's do this thing.
Wait. There's something in my back.
[GASPS] Sweet.
- Is that a blanket?
- Not anymore.
Well, what do you think?
It looks... completely stupid.
- Ready?
- Ready.
- [BARKS]
- Yes, you are right.
Their odds of survival are not good.
Not good at all.
[BOTH STRAINING]
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
Where's this watchtower thing?
Right there.
What if they see us?
Jor-El said the rocket
has a built-in stealth function.
We shouldn't show up on any radar.
Now, with a few codes
I hacked from the bat-computer...
[BEEPING]
Okay, so we're just
gonna go in there, and what?
What do you think?
We sneak in, k*ll this hive mind thing
and be back
for Alfred's cucumber sandwiches.
Which, to be honest,
are not as bad as they sound.
All right, be careful.
Careful? [SCOFFS] Please.
I'm a trained assassin.
[PANTS]
What? What is it?
We're in deep...
[SCREECHES]
[LOIS] I wouldn't have come if it wasn't
an emergency, Mr. President.
Despite our differences,
you're the only one that could help.
Ibeheve_.
I know that aliens
are taking over the world,
and I need you to make
a public address warning everyone.
For you, Lois, anything.
[MAN] She's clean.
Nothing except some hair stuff,
hand sanitizer,
vegan granola bar
and a cigarette lighter.
I quit.
It's just there to remind me.
And I'd like to remind you
that I've been saying
this day would come for some time.
You've written op-ed after op-ed
about my paranoia
with regards to extraterrestrials
and now...
With regards to Superman.
- Listen, if you don't want...
- Of course, I want to help.
That's all I've ever wanted to do.
But, in return...
[SIGHS]
What?
A front page apology
and endorsement by you
in the next election.
Well, now I know
you're definitely not infected.
Why is that?
Because you're only concerned
about yourself.
Do we have a deal?
Deal.
Can't you, I don't know,
use your heat vision or something?
Then what?
[STARRO] Silence!
- [HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING]
- [BOTH GROANING]
You have sought to thwart my plans.
But starro cannot be defeated.
It is time.
As long as there are free human beings,
you'll never stand a chance.
You should be grateful.
Your kind was destroying the planet.
Now, there is no crime,
no poverty, no rich, no poor,
no more destruction of the environment.
At the cost of our free will,
and until you suck it dry for yourself.
Correct.
And then I'll move to the next planet,
and the next.
With the technology
that you've accumulated,
my kind will take over the universe.
And there is nothing
you can do to stop it.
[YELLS, GRUNTS]
Damian!
[GROANS]
So, what about us?
Are we going to join
your starfish-headed g*ons?
No, you have offended me.
k*ll them.
Don't do this! You're heroes!
It's okay, Jonathan.
I never liked this green cowled rip-off
of my dad's anyway.
Come on, Robin hood. I'm right here.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
What did you do?
You idiot!
You can't even take a batarang.
What makes you think...
Stupid, stupid farm boy.
I was just beginning to like you.
[JONATHAN] Huh. Good.
- You're arrow proof?
- I'm arrow proof.
All right, justice dweebs.
My friend here
is about to kick your ass.
[GRUNTS]
[ALIEN SCREECHING]
I am so sorry, wonder girl! I...
[SNARLING]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
[PANTS]
[LEX] My fellow Americans...
We're faced with a crisis
of global proportions.
It's been brought to my attention
that an extraterrestrial being
has begun to take over our world.
I urge you to remain calm
and allow yourself to be taken
by the almighty starro.
[GAGGING]
[GASPS]
[SCREECHING]
It is time.
- [SCREECHING]
- [PEOPLE SCREAMING]
- [BOTH GROWLING]
- [SCREAMS]
It is time.
It's time for you to burn,
you son of a bitch!
Mom?
[SCREECHING]
I'm an investigative reporter, assh*le.
I knew you were taken over
the minute you took the meeting.
Jonathan, I know you're out there.
I'm hoping, praying you can see this.
Heat can hurt this thing.
You hear me, Jonathan Kent?
Burn this mother...
Mom, mom!
Okay, so it doesn't like heat.
[ROARS]
[ROARS]
[GROANS]
This is too easy.
[STRAINING]
[GRUNTS]
About time.
Yeah, well, I was busy.
Turns out the hive mind
isn't a fan of heat.
[STRAINING] It won't come off.
Even with super strength.
Then we need to take out the hive mind.
Maybe your heat vision could k*ll him.
Come on, let's go.
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTING]
Gotcha!
I will k*ll you, father.
[GROANS]
We need a new angle.
Angle. "Try a different angle."
Mom was right!
What if we trade partners?
Yeah, why not?
But first, I'll need something.
Help me tackle Batman.
[ALL GRUNTING]
That's okay. I got it.
What's that?
My dad's insurance policy.
[STRAINING]
[WINCES]
[GASPS]
[GROWLS]
[YELPS]
[SPITS]
Whoa!
Man of steel?
[SCOFFS]
[PANTS]
[STRAINING]
- [BONES CRACKING]
- [GASPS]
[STRAINING]
I just knocked out Batman
with one punch!
[STARRO] It is too late.
We are past the tipping point.
Your world is mine.
That's what you think.
Torch this thing, farm boy.
Useless.
I don't think your heat vision's
gonna cut it.
Yeah, I know, but I had to try.
- What now?
- Only one thing I can think of.
Yeah.
Okay. That's everyone that could fit.
Jon?
Sorry, dad.
[GRUNTS]
Ready.
We just have to make it to
the control center
and then drop this thing
in the atmosphere.
While avoiding a malevolent hive mind
that wants us dead.
And that.
You know, my dad said being a hero
was about sacrifice.
And I don't think I believed him.
But now?
The world needs Superman and Batman
a lot more than it needs
a farm boy from Kansas.
Or an assassin with a cow.
I don't know. He's pretty cool.
[CHUCKLES]
- Ready?
- Yeah, I am.
So, how do we knock this thing
out of orbit?
I don't know.
[POWERING UP]
[ALARM BLARING]
I got it!
[ALARM BLARING]
[YELPS]
Damian!
- sh**t it!
- What if I hit you?
It's better than being eaten
by this thing! sh**t it now!
[SCREECHING]
[STARRO] No! You will not stop me!
It is my time! My time!
[STRAINS] Hold on!
I can't!
[JONATHAN] Hold on!
[STARRO GASPING]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[WHIMPERING]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
No way!
[SCREECHING]
[STRAINS]
[SCREECHING]
[SCREAMS]
[GROANS]
[GRUNTING]
[PANTING]
[GRUNTS]
The hive mind must be losing its power.
The boys!
- Thanks.
- Don't mention it.
[STARRO GASPING]
You know, of all the ways to go,
definitely didn't see this one coming.
Ninjas, yes.
Joker, possibly.
Crashing to earth on a satellite
while fighting off parasitic aliens,
not really on my radar.
Nice to know you can be surprised.
[CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES]
[BOTH LAUGH]
[FIHUDS]
[GASPS]
Woo-hoo-hoo!
[GASPS]
You're all right!
I'm better than all right,
now that I know you're safe.
I, uh...
I was... worried.
Why? I learned from the best.
I'm proud of you, Jonathan.
You put the world, us, above yourself.
That's what a hero does.
That's what a Superman does.
[RUMBLING]
I have survived the ravages of space!
Did you think you could destroy me?
You are nothing.
You are...
[STARRO GRUNTS]
Jonathan, get ready!
[JONATHAN GRUNTS]
[YELLING]
I'd call that a home run.
Hey, Damian. Listen,
we took another vote.
- You did?
- Yes.
After what you did on the watchtower,
- saving us...
- And the world.
And the world,
we'd be honored
if you joined the titans.
Did we get cut off?
Damian, can you hear me?
Oh, uh, I heard you. But you know what?
Uh, I have a prior engagement.
Let me get back to you on that.
Get back to me on...
You're enjoying this a bit too much.
It's the little things.
Come on. I don't want to be late.
Never been to a baseball game before.
[MAN ON SPEAKER] Now batting,
Jonathan Kent.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Good luck, can't hit...
[GAGGING]
[CLARK] Knock 'em dead, kiddo!
- I thought you had an emergency.
- Barry's handling it.
Besides, I have more important things
to take care of.
Hit it like it's
an extraterrestrial parasitic monster!
- [GLASS BREAKING]
- [CROWD CHEERING]
Go, go, go! Good job, Jonathan.
- You got it, buddy!
- Good job!
Keep going! [LAUGHS]
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
So, what now?
You think we should join
the teen titans?
Go on patrol?
I mean, what's next
for the new dynamic duo?
Nope. Dynamic duo is Batman and Robin.
We're super sons.
Okay. Fine.
What's next for the super sons?
Well, I do owe you a birthday present.
Well, what is it?
This.
- [SMACKS]
- [JONATHAN YELPING]
[DAMIAN] Still can't fly.
[HEROIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Batman and Superman: Battle of the Super Sons (2022)
Moderator: Maskath3