01x07 - Des nouvelles du monde

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Kaamelott". Aired: January 3, 2005 –; October 31, 2009.*
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Camelot's King Arthur and his knights seek the Holy Grail.
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01x07 - Des nouvelles du monde

Post by bunniefuu »

Why don't I have my throne today?

I needed the room because
I requested a bard.

- [BOTH] Oh no...!
- What ?

We do need to hear what goes on
around the world!

We know what goes on.

I have spies doing
two reports a week.

- Your spies don't sing.
- And that's fine.

What matters is what they say.

For us, what matters is the singing!

♪ In the woods... Young boy fell... ♪

♪ healed up so well ♪
♪ he could stand the next day ♪


(aggressively mumbles)

Right. No one can tell who fell...
No one cares!

Who asked you to focus on the lyrics?

It's nice as background sounds!

Who's the guy who fell?

- Where?
- What do you mean "where"?

You said a guy fell in the woods.

Ah maybe, but I couldn't tell you.

Those get passed down from bard to bard.

They go around for a week...
I don't have details.

Next one?

Go on! Roll, roll!

♪ Hear, hear, h... ♪

♪ Caledonian shepherd ♪

♪ lead cattle under rainstorm ♪

♪ had to wait out for
the big clouds to go away ♪


(aggressively mumbles)

Do you have any more
hot news like these?

Did you pay for an hour
or a half hour?

- Ah, a half hour I think.
- Thank God !

A last one, then I'll have my hot meal.

You'll eat with us then.

- He eats too?!
- Yes, that's how they proceed now.

Yes, and it's important to us, because…

the bards' remuneration system

is booming right now.

They're trying to f*ck us over.

I might have something about that.

♪ Our bard friend did not feast
left without bread or fruit ♪


♪ when they sang for the burial
of King Lot who d*ed in bed ♪


W… What?! What did you just say?!

Em… Those bastards threw them out
without even a piece of cheese!

No but, we don't care about the bard…

- After that!
- After what?

After, with… King Lot, who d*ed?
What are you on about?

I don't know! Those get passed on
from bard to bard!

- You talked about a burial!
- Yes, I may have…

- I talk about so m…
- Try to remember, for God's sake!

♪ King Lot, na na na ? ♪

♪ King Lot… Em… No…

♪ For the… The burial… Ah!

Look! I don't know…
Anyway, I'm done, now!

So em…

I'll start with crudities.
If you don't mind.

I guarantee you'll start remembering!

How do you expect me to concentrate!

Leave him alone, he didn't even eat !

If King Lot d*ed, I assure you
it's much more important

than crudities!

If King Lot d*ed I wonder
what your spies

are doing! You probably pay
them much more than

two gold coins and a hot meal!

Yeah, well, let's go! Carry on!

♪ Our bard friend didn't feast… ♪
♪ Left without bread or fruit… ♪


By the way, I'm warning you,
it's the same for me!

If you let me leave without eating

there'll be a song about you next week!

Go on, by God!

Next… Yes, em…

- ♪ when they sang for the burial… ♪
- Well?!

- ♪ of… ♪
- … of King Lot?!

♪ of… Prince… of K… ♪

I lost it.

I lost… I lost it.

(sighs)

When I say he's dead, it doesn't
necessarily mean he's dead.

It's just a song!

I don't see why you'd sing about
dead King Lot if he's not dead.

It's dramatic!

If there are old folks,
sometimes they'll cry.

We earn more money like that.

Normally I pass the hat around.

For example, you're quite popular

so when I sing that you're dead

you can't imagine how much I get!
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