02x04 - Gus' Last Stand/Operation Field Trip

[bunniefuu]

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

Wha!

Oof!

Ah!

[fizzing]

[burp]

[gulps]

My Blaster Man pencil box.
Couldn't leave without this.

[rumbling]

Oh, no.

[boy] Stemple!

[Gasps] G-Gelman?

Where do you think you're going, Stemple?

I'm-I'm-I'm getting out of here!

Ah!

Come back here, you little dork!

[panting]

Run, Stemple! Run!

Serpentine, Stemple! Serpentine!

Run for your life, Georgie boy!

Dad, Dad, start the engine!

Hit it, Dad!

Get back here, worm!

So long, Gelman!

I'm moving away, and nobody knows where!

[laughs] I'm free! Free!

[screams]

Well, there goes Stemple.

Man, he put up
with being Gelman's punching bag

for a whole year.

That's gotta be a record.

Yeah, but you know what that means.

Gelman will be looking for a new victim.

Scatter!

Come out, you little cowards!

Ain't one of you little geeks
brave enough to stand up to me?

Even one?

[toilet flushes]

Hey, where did everybody go?

-You.
-Me?

What's your name, kid?

G-Gus Griswald, sir.

I don't like you, Griswald.

Well, I bet you would
if you got to know me.

Whoa! Lots of kids like me.
Well, maybe not lots, but some.

Please. Please don't do this to me.
I'm a really nice guy.

Oh, I'm not a nice guy, Griswald,

I'm not a nice guy and I don't like you,
which means from now on,

whenever I see your pale, pasty face,

I'm sticking it where it belongs,
in here.

Any questions?

Not really, no.

Good. See you tomorrow, garbage boy!

[laughter]

Gus, Gus, are you OK?

I think so.

Man, that Gelman guy is such a jerk.

Yeah. Somebody ought
to teach him a lesson.

Well, not me, but somebody.

Oh! This is terrible, you guys.

From now on, I'm gonna be picked on

by the biggest, meanest guy
on the playground.

And it's all
because I went to the bathroom

at the wrong time.

Look, Gus, guys like Gelman
don't pick on kids

when they're with their friends.

T.J. is right, there is safety in numbers.

If we stick close to you,
you should be OK.

Well, yeah, but how close can you stick?

[bell rings]

[heroic music playing]

[squeaking]

[toilet flushes]

[Gus] Hey, look, a buffalo head quarter.

Hey, wait a minute.

There's no such thing
as a buffalo head quarter.

Uh-oh.

Hiya, Griswald. Know what time it is?

Uh, 10:02 a.m.?

Nope. Garbage time.

[crash]

You OK, man?

Look, Gus, you gotta stick with us.

Oh, it's no use.

I can't stay with you guys
every minute of my life.

I'm doomed! Doomed!

I say you cream the jerk!

Yeah, right. Gus couldn't cream corn.

Well, you could always tell a teacher.

Yes, in the hands of a mature adult,

the situation can be resolved
with complete discretion and delicacy.

Gelman, what do you think you're doing?

Nothing, Miss Finster.

Yeah, right.
Well, let me tell you something, buster,

if I ever catch you touching this kid

or any other kid on my playground,

I'll haul your keister
down to Principal Prickly's office

faster than you can say
"detention." Comprende?

-Yes, Miss Finster.
-Good.

And if you ever tell a teacher
on me again,

I'll hit you so hard,
your clothes will hurt.

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

-Aren't you coming, Gus?
-I'll catch up with you guys later.

I've gotta reline the hamster cage.

Gus, it's OK to be afraid of Gelman.

Heck, we are all scared of him.

Yeah, but he's not picking on you guys.
He's picking on me.

And if I go out there,
it's gonna be garbage time.

Unless you went out there,
but Gelman couldn't see you.

What do you mean, T.J.?

Where is that measly little dork?

[in robotic voice]

-[beeping]
-[Gelman] Old man playing tetherball?

Oh, don't mind me. I'm just an old man,

an old man who plays tetherball.

[crash]

[Gus] Uh, little help here?

Maybe I could get plastic surgery

or see if my dad
can get transferred again.

I wonder if Gelman
could find me in Bangkok.

Oh, for criminy's sake!
I've been telling you all along

there's only one way to deal
with a bully, Gus. Fight back!

Fight back? But he'll k*ll me!

Maybe he will and maybe he won't.

But let me tell you something, Gus,
the only reason Gelman's picking on you

is 'cause you're afraid.

Animals like Gelman
can smell fear and they feed on it.

I say fight back!

No, Gus, don't do it.

v*olence is not the answer.
It's never the answer.

v*olence only begets more v*olence.

Don't listen to him, Gus.
Fight the big idiot.

No, be peaceful.

-Fight back!
-Be peaceful!

-Fight back!
-Be peaceful!

Stop!

I appreciate what you guys
are trying to say,

but this is something
I gotta figure out for myself.

[Spinelli's voice] Fight back. Fight back.

Fight back!

[Mikey's voice] Be peaceful.

Be peaceful. Be peaceful!

[in a distorted voice]
I don't like you, Griswald.

And I'm picking on you from now on.

From now on.

From now on!

[scream]

[man] Enter.

-Dad?
-Yes, private.

-Can I ask you a question?
-Of course.

Oh... well,
say there's this little country

that hasn't done anything to anyone.

And then there's this big country,

and it starts picking on it for no reason.

What should that little country do?

Fight or run away
and never go to school again?

I mean, go the U.N.

Private, let me tell you a little story
called World w*r I.

You see, once upon a time,
there was a big country called Germany

who liked to pick on little countries
like Poland and Luxembourg.

And none of the other big countries
would do anything to stop it.

Then, one day, Germany att*cked
a weak little country called Belgium,

but little Belgium stood up
to big Germany and fought.

All the other big countries
couldn't believe it.

Wow.

You see, private, Just because
a country's outnumbered or outgunned

doesn't mean they don't have a chance.

Did we back down
at the Battle of the Bulge?

-Uh... no...
-You bet your boots we didn't, private.

We don't back down to bullying.

If we did, they'd walk all over us.

Battles may be lost
on the road to victory, private,

but we always keep fighting
till we've won the w*r.

Wow, dad. Thanks.

Gosh, Who'd have thought,

little Belgium winning over big Germany?

Winning? Ha!

They got the stuffing kicked out of them.

[bell rings]

I can't believe
Gus didn't even show up for school today.

Poor guy, he's probably halfway
to Mexico by now.

Hey, look.

-[T.J.] Gus, are you OK?
-Where are you going?

I'm going to the tetherball court.

But, Gus, Gelman's over there.
He'll squash you like a bug.

Maybe he will and maybe he won't,

But I'm Belgium,
and Belgium wants to play tetherball.

[laughter]

Griswald, I thought
you were staying home today.

What is it, garbage time already?

Sorry, Gelman,
but there isn't gonna be a garbage time.

Not today, not ever.

From now on, you're leaving me alone.

-What?
-You heard me, Gelman.

You can't pick on me anymore. It's over.

[everyone] Oh...!

You mean,
you're actually standing up to me?

No one's ever had the guts
to stand up to me before.

Does that mean
you're not gonna pick on me anymore?

No. It means no one's ever stood up
to me before.

Now stand still so I can b*at
the living tar out of you.

Wait.

OK, Gelman, let's go.

[screams]

[Gus] Ow! Ah! Oof!

Oh! Oh! Ow!

OK, Gus, you proved your point.
Just fall down.

Yeah, I was wrong, OK?
Just take the fall, will ya?

No way. See? I figured it out.

The worst he can do is b*at me up.

After he's done that,

there's nothing to be scared of anymore.

Ow! Uh! Oh!

That's the bravest thing I ever saw.

Oof!

Say good night, Griswald.
It's beddy-bye time.

[T.J.] That's enough, Gelman.
I'm stopping this.

Oh, yeah? You and what army?

[Spinelli] This army!

Ha! Don't make me laugh.
I'll b*at the tar out of all of you.

[Dave] Then
you'll have to b*at us up, too.

And us, too!

-And us.
-And us.

[everyone] And us. And us.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'll just... Just...

Oh, forget about it. This is stupid!

[cheering]

You did it, Gus! You stood up to Gelman.

-I did?
-You most certainly did.

And now the horror's over.

For everybody!

How does it feel, man?

Great. Ow. For the most part.

[cheering]

[all] Gus! Gus! Gus!

[screeching tires]

-You told him what?
-I-I just thought...

Well, it was a history discussion,
you know?

Are you hurt, honey?

Not bad, I'm sure I'll be able to see
through my eye by tomorrow.

But I guess I lost the battle, sir.

Yes, son,
but it looks like you won the w*r.

Come on. I'm buying Belgium
an ice cream cone.

[car doors close]

[cheering]

[bell rings]

Mobile transport one,
We are ready to lock and load.

Operation Field Trip is a go. Move!
Move! Move!

[engines roaring]

One, two! One, two! One, two!

-Back 'em up! Back 'em up!
-[back-up beeper]

Let's go, you wheel jockeys!

[Vince] Man, there's nothing
like a good field trip.

Yep, nothing in the world.
MISOOE, here we come.

MISOOE? What's MISOOE?

MISOOE, Gus, the Museum of Industry,
Science, Oceanography,

Oddities, and Energy.

It's one of the finest,
most sophisticated museums in the world.

My big brother told me they got a dead guy
sliced up real thin, like cheese,

so you can see right through him.
Can't get more sophisticated than that.

I hear they got a real working coal mine
that goes right down through the floor.

[Ashley A.] Coal mine? Please.
The best thing there is the gift shop.

They got accessories
from around the world.

And they accept credit cards.

What? Oh, that's nothing!

[arguing]

Man, this is gonna be
the best field trip ever.

Goodbye, headlight. Farewell, horn.

Here's looking at you, mirror.

[sobs] You always smile back.

-[Miss Grotke] Bertha, what's the matter?
-They're--

They're... retiring Old Smokey.

-The bear?
-No, the bus.

Tomorrow, after 32 years
of unblemished service,

they're hauling her to the junkyard,

chopping her into pieces,

then molding her into soda cans,

toaster ovens, and napkin rings!

[crying]

Bertha, I feel your pain,
but you got to get ahold of yourself.

We've all got a place
in this world, and right now,

your place is to drive us to the museum.

You're right. Them kids
are counting on me.

[sobs] Must be strong. Must maintain.

I love the smell
of diesel fuel in the morning.

Ready to roll, Miss Finster, sir!

Excellent. Get on the bus, boy.

All these weeks of mapping routes,

scheduling buses, filling out forms...

[inhales] It was all worth it.

Take 'em to MISOOE, Matt.

-Whoo-hoo!
-Haw!

Yee-ha!

Yee-ha!

[everyone] Yay!

Field trip! Field trip! Field trip!

And what's a field trip
without a little song, everybody?

♪ This old man, he played one ♪

♪ He played knick-knack on my drum ♪

♪ With knick-knack paddywhack
Give a dog a bone... ♪

♪ This old man, he played 18 ♪

♪ He played knick-knack on my... ♪

-Latrine!
-♪ Latrine ♪

♪ With a knick-knack paddywhack
Give a dog a bone... ♪

♪ This old man, he played 1,533 ♪

♪ He played knick-knack on my... ♪

RV!

♪ With a knick-knack paddywhack
Give a dog a bone... ♪

If I have to sing that song one more time,

I'm gonna play knick-knack
on somebody's head!

Come on, Spinelli, don't lose it yet.

We're probably getting real close by now.
Right, Gretchen?

Well, observing the position of the sun,

given that "X" is the constant velocity

of a school bus
and "Y" is time travelled--

How much longer?

We should be halfway to MISOOE
right about now.

[pop]

[brakes screeching]

[clattering and expl*si*n]

-Oh, no.
-What happened?

Come on, baby. Don't die on me now.

Hey, what's the problem here?
You are slowing down the whole operation.

I don't know.
Old Smokey's never failed me before.

Well, get another bus out here!
We can't wait all day!

Come on, Smokey. Come on, pal.

Don't worry, Miss Finster.
We've got it under control.

Big Daddy, this is Earth Mama.

We've got a cranky Jack
that just won't blow. Do you copy? Over.

[Big Daddy] We copy, Earth Mama.

We're gonna get a new kiddy crate
out there ASAP.

Much obliged, Big Daddy. You da man.

Catch you on the slap back, Jack.

[chuckles] A little something
I picked up back in the '70s.

They're sending another bus.
We are gonna be fine.

Roger that. Then we'll rendezvous
at the beachhead.

My group, ho!

[Gus] They're leaving without us.

Oh, man. It could be 15, 20 minutes
before they send another bus.

What?

-We are gonna miss half the exhibits.
-[complaining]

Now, people, people,
there's no reason to panic.

You heard the dispatcher.

A new bus will be out here A-S-A-P.

Earth Mama, this is Big Daddy.

We got a bit of bad news,
regarding your your cranky Jack.

Looks like it's gonna take us
a little longer than we thought.

How long is a little longer, Big Daddy?

Oh, about four hours.

[all] Four hours?

-Give or take.
-But, Big daddy--

Sorry, Earth Mama, but that's the skinny.

Catch you on the path, cat.

Aw, man, this field trip is toast.

Not if I can help it.

What are you doing, Bertha?

Old Smokey's always been the best rig
in the fleet.

And somehow, someway, I'm gonna fix her.

[Bertha] OK, Smokey, this isn't the end.

Let's show them what you've got.

[coughing]

We're never getting out of here! Never!

Yeah! First we'll run out of food,
then water.

Soon, we'll be forced
to chew on the naugahyde seats to survive.

Now, people, please,
there's no reason to panic.

-Just be patient.
-[expl*si*n]

I want my mommy!

Now, kids, let's find our centers.

We're all gonna die!

[children screaming]

Um, Miss Grotke,

maybe you should let us off the bus
for a while.

[Miss Grotke] OK, everybody,
remember our agreement.

Whatever you do,
stay in the field next to the bus.

Where are we, anyway, mars?

[birds chirping]

[Gretchen] Seems to be some sort
of abandoned farm.

Great! One minute we're on our way

to see a dead guy sliced up like cheese,

next thing you know, we're slapping flies
and meandering through the meadow muffins.

-[Bertha sighs]
-Well, Bertha, how does it look?

Not good. This could be the end of Smokey.

I-I think I need to be alone.

[crying]

Bertha, come back.

Boy, Bertha sure is upset.

Of course she is. She loves that bus.

Yeah, well, I love going to MISOOE.

Doesn't look like any of us
are getting what we want.

We might as well face it, guys.
This is the worst field trip ever.

[children complaining] Yeah!

That's it! You guys can sit around here
moping and griping all you want,

but I'm gonna do something.

You? What can you do? You're just a kid.

Yeah, maybe I am just a kid,

but I'm not a kid who gives up so fast.

I'm gonna go over there and fix that bus.

-[children arguing]
-[boy] You're insane.

Come on, Teej, you can't work on a bus.

What would Miss Grotke and Bertha say?

[crying]

Hey, what they don't know can't hurt them.

-You know, maybe he's got a point.
-Let's do it!

For Bertha!

[all] Yay!

Oh, brother.

OK, let's see what we got here.

Looks like some metal stuff,

and some rubber stuff,

and-- Hey! Look at this!
Some plastic stuff.

Step aside, amateurs.

What are you doing. Spinelli?

If you move, I'm gonna try and figure out
what's wrong with this thing.

What do you know about engines, Spinelli?

You kidding? My big brother Joey majored
in auto repair in prison.

I believe I can help as well.

The intricacies
of the internal combustion engine

are something of a passion of mine.

Oh, yeah? Then hand me a 3/4 inch.

Regular or ratchet?

Oh. Ratchet.

OK, for starters,
we got a cracked flywheel here,

and we're not going anywhere
without a new one.

Cracked flywheel? What's that?

This is a flywheel.

OK, everybody, let's split up

and see if we can find one
of these flywheel thingies.

Maybe there's one buried nearby.

[indistinct conversations]

[Spinelli] Carburetor needs some work.

So does the alternator, and-- Oh, Mama!

Check out the manifold on this baby!

This is, like, so disgusting.

Don't they have people to do this?

[bird caws]

-[Gus] No flywheel here.
-Keep looking.

You don't understand, Miss Grotke.

Old Smokey and me,
we started out together.

We're like sisters, sisters of the road.

[door creaks]

Hey, you guys, over here.

[T.J.] Wow, look at all this stuff.

There's gotta be something
in here we can use.

What's that?

It looks like some sort
of primitive w*apon.

It's a pipe organ, and look.

That looks just like Spinelli's flywheel.

-But will it fit?
-Hey, close enough for rock 'n' roll.

I'll never see her cute little odometer
hit 900 k.

Try to let go. Be at peace.

I'm trying. I'm trying.

The flywheel in this old pipe organ
will work fine once we bend it a little.

Yeah, and I got an idea
how to use the rest of this thing, too.

Heck. Between me and Gretchen,
this baby's gonna purr.

Great! Now we better figure out
how to fix those back wheels.

Looks like that axle's broken right off.

Where are we gonna find another one?

There!

It's all in the pushing out.

That's right.

Wave goodbye to your fears and concerns.

Bye, fears. Bye, concerns.

Heave-ho!

[grunting]

OK, now all we gotta do
is get those back wheels off and...

What the...?

What are you guys doing?

Well, since you're fixing up
this old bus anyway,

we can at least make it
somewhat presentable.

Even though whoever picked out

this old paint
had absolutely no color sense.

Uh... just one question.

Got any orange?

[squeaking]

Well, we did it.

Yep, she's a real beaut.

She's magnificent.

She's almost perfect,
but there's something missing.

I'm not sure what, but something.

[Dave] Hey, guys, look what we dug up.

That just might do it.

Do you feel the sadness
rushing out of your body,

flowing into the ground?

Nope, just the blood rushing to my head.

It's no use, Miss Grotke.

Thanks for trying,
but I might as well face it.

Nothing's gonna help me
get over the loss of Old Smokey.

I just need some time to grieve.

Miss Grotke, Bertha,
there's something we wanna show you.

What now? Smokey burst into flame?

No, it's something
you're really gonna like.

Ugh, at this point,
there's nothing I'm gonna like.

Nothing.

OK, ready, set, open them.

My goodness, that's... wicked.

[Bertha] Smokey, is that you?

You're-You're beautiful.

How can I ever thank you kids?

How about starting her up?

[engine roars]

[all] Yay!

Well, it may be too late to get to MISOOE,

but what do you say
we take the long way home?

[children] Yeah!

[tires screeching]

Big daddy, this is Queen Bee.

Cancel that funeral.

We got us a kiddy cart
that's cruisin' for Indy.

[Big Daddy] Come again, Queen Bee?

You heard me. You can't wreck my baby now.

She's a collector's item.

[Bertha laughs]

What creative, inspired work.

You kids all deserve gold stars.

Well, we can't take all the credit.

Yeah, T.J. was the one
who started it all.

Really? That's so inspirational.

By the way, where is T.J., anyway?

Yee-ha!

I was right.
This is the best field trip ever!

Yee-ha! Whoo-hoo!

[bell ringing]