01x02 - Danger Wears a Diaper; The Toy From Another World

[bunniefuu]

Male announcer: And now,
nickelodeon and dreamworks'

Monsters vs. Aliens.

- ♪ mva ♪

♪ mva ♪

- ♪ monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ it's us vs. Them

♪ foe vs. Friend

- ♪ brain vs. B.O.B.

- ♪ it's a super-freaky job

- Oh, yeah,
it's freaky.

- ♪ mva ♪

- ♪ monsters vs. Aliens ♪

- [cackles]
- ♪ monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ mva ♪

[alarm buzzing]

- We've got us a situation

That requires %
of your attention

And % of your ability!

Failure is not an option!

- And yet you fail
by demanding

The mathematically impossible
%.

So I will--

- [growls]
- quiet now.

[device beeps]
- hey, kids.

Great news.

I'll be in
your neighborhood today,

So I thought I'd pop by.

And, oh, I almost forgot.

I checked my day planner,
and guess what.

It's my birthday.

- Birthday?

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

We can have cake and streamers

And a clown named gary
who smells like bologna and...

[screaming]

Balloons.

- But please,
no birthday gifts,

'cause that would embarrass me

On my birthday,

Especially high-tech
gadgety gifts

On my birthday.

Birthday!

- That is the situation.

Operation get the best
high-tech gadgety gift ever

For the president
is a go!

- We're gonna have balloons,
right?

- The helium t*nk's
in the corner, b.O.B.,

But I don't have any balloons.

We'll have to improvise.

- Impro-vo-mo-zize?

That requires a quick mind,
which I do not have.

I'll just have to come up
with something on the fly.

- Okay, spotlight's on you,
dr. C.

Coverton's gift
for the president

Will no doubt be awesome.

- So many awesome choices.

Should I go
with amazingly awesome

Or step it up
to tremendously awesome?

Hmm.

- Probably some cool space tech

Like an intergalactic
waffle iron.

Do they make those?

- No, no, no, no.

No, that would blow
his primitive earth mind.

Oh, decisions, decisions.

- So it's up to you
to score us a win.

Bring it!

- Susan, consider it brought.

- Whoo-hoo!

I impro-vo-mo-zized!
[chuckles]

- Only one way
to decide this.

Eeny, meeny, miny, melon,

Catch a floogsnark
by the talon.

[electrical whirring]

[bell dings]

- The president touches down
in five.

- Doc, we need something now.
Anything.

- Link, one cannot rush genius.

- I'm not.
I'm rushing you.

- I found balloons with fingers.

- Fantastic, b.O.B.

- But, you know,
the cake's kind of a problem.

I found one in the men's room,
but it was small,

And I really, really, really
did not like the taste.

- Doc, now!

[electrical sizzling]

[expl*si*n]

- [laughs]

Success!

- Okay, what is that?

- And, perhaps more important,
is it safe?

- Safe?

We haven't time
for such trivial concerns.

Follow me.

- A tie?

- I can neither confirm
nor deny

The existence of a tie
within this tie box.

- Well, we know you can't
top my gift,

So why bother?

- Are we late?
- Did we miss the president?

- And gary the clown
who smells like bologna?

- You got in
just under the wire, monsters.

- Oh, guys!

Who told you
it was my birthday?

- You told us.
[chuckles]

Don't you remember?

Gosh, with your big old--
[shouts]

- Mr. President,

On behalf of the hard-working
men and women

Of area -something--

- What is that?

- A gift of good will
from the stars.

I wish you a joyous
birth anniversary.

- This is the most amazing thing
I've ever seen!

I've always wanted one.

It's--it's--

- It's just the box.

- A watch?

Yeah, I was expecting
something a little more...

Good.

- Mr. President,
this is more than a watch.

It is the defensinator,

The most advanced
personal defense system

In the universe.

Try it on.

[device beeping]

- Greetings.

Would you like
a demonstration

Of my capabilities?

- Absolutely.

- Particle w*apon.

[all grunting]

- Whoa!

- Antigravity.

[device beeps]

- [laughs]

- Laser cannon.

Force field.

- [laughs]

- End demonstration.

The time is : .

- And it tells time?
Amazing.

- Mr. President,
the defensinator

Will completely protect you
from any and all harm.

- Best gift ever!

[clears throat]

Your turn.

- Didn't have time
to wrap it...

- What is it?

- Or name it.

Mr. President,
meet the, uh,

Skin-o'matic-atronic-
derma spa-rejuvenalizer.

[electric zapping]

- It's incredible!

I look ten years younger!

My poll numbers
will go through the roof.

This is better
than the best gift ever.

- Let me do the calculations.

That makes it, um...

Yes, oh, oh, let's see.
Yes.

The best gift ever!

- [groans]

- In your squishy little face!

And I don't like your toes!

- There's always next year,
coverton.

- [growls]
- something happened.

I don't understand,
but that's not unusual,

Coverton!

[grunts]

[chuckles]

- Come on, monsters.

I got a birthday cake,

And it ain't
gonna eat itself.

- I can make you one that does.

- This is nice.

Hanging out
with old team monster.

Why don't we do this more often?

- Well, sir, we'd like--

- Anyhoo, I'm supposed
to give a speech at : ,

So one more blast

For the hd cameras
couldn't hurt.

- Mr. President,
I wouldn't--

Uh...

No!
Not full strength!

[electric zapping]

[all gasping]

- [babbling]

- Oh, no!
- Cool!

When did we get a baby
on our team?

- No, b.O.B.,
the rejuvenalizer

Turned the president
into a baby.

- No!

There's got to be
a more possible explanation,

Like it made the president
so young

He's now baby-shaped.

- Which is what I said, b.O.B.

- That's not what I heard.

- [giggling]

- Anybody else freaked

That he's already wearing
a diaper?

- You have to change him back.

He's supposed to give a speech
on tv!

- I'm not changing it.

[knocking at door]

- Mr. President?

- It's monger.
- Yes, I know.

Quick, someone act
like the president.

- Mr. President,
they want you in makeup.

- Be right there.

Just, um, vetoing some bills

And launching some missiles.

Give me a minute.

Do something!

- If I reverse the polarity,

It should
quickly age the president

Back into an adult.

- Great.
What are we waiting for?

- [giggling]

- Antigravity activated.

- [babbling]

- Oh, no.

- Force field.

- [grunting]

- Got him!

[electrical zapping]

- Monsters, what's going on
in there?

Open this door!

- One second.

Just appointing some ambassadors
to east slimelinia.

[shouts]

[electrical zapping]

[all shouting]

- Escape protocol initiated.

- [giggling]

- Great.
Now what?

- [shouts]

- Monsters, in the name
of national security,

I order you to open up!

- Oh, general monger,

We were giving the president
a rejuvenating spa facial.

- I am the president.

- Oh, yeah, he's cuckoo
for clean pores, this guy.

[chuckles]

Anyhoo, we're just
gonna go ahead

And take him into makeup
and hair and all that

And get him ready
for his big speech.

Okay?
Bye-bye.

- [groans]
monsters.

- [babbling]

[all shouting]

[expl*si*n]

[babbling]

- Hey, there he goes!

- Ah, monsters,

Is the president
still with you?

- Go!

- This is the president.

I'm having a private lunch
with the monsters,

Who I'm falling in love with
all over again.

It's--
ow!

- Yes, mr. President,
but the defensinator

Was just one of several gifts
I have for you.

[chuckles]

I'm sure you'll like these
even better.

One grows luscious, thick hair.
Ooh!

- Forget it, coverton.

The monsters pantsed you.

It's done.
Let it go.

I hate your feet.

- [babbling]

- Is there a baby
in there with you?

- No, that's, uh, b.O.B.

You know how he gets
on taco tuesdays.

Got to go.
- It's taco Tuesday?

[shouts]

[munching loudly]

Pollo.

[device beeping]

- Laser canon.

- Okay, we need
to improvise.

- I believe the word
is impro-vo-mo-zize.

- What have I got
to work with?

This won't be enough.

- Perhaps if we get
to the cutlery,

I can fashion a w*apon.

- You can't use weapons
against a baby

And/or the president.

- He's using weapons
against us.

- Baby president,

You turn off that thing
right now,

Or you're going to get
a time-out.

[shouting]

- [giggles]

- That's showing him, link.

- [babbling]

[all gasping]

- We have to motivate him
to shut down the defensinator.

Think.
What do babies like?

- What do baby presidents like?

- This one likes
destroying things.

Not sure what that buys us.

- Hi, guys.

I impro-vo-mo-zized,

Just like susan said.

- [babbling]

[in slow motion]
- oh, no!

[device beeping]

All right, don't tell gross-toes
I said this,

But you got to admire
the craftsmanship.

It's almost--
- the time is now : .

All: The speech!

- Where is he?

We're live in five,
four, three, two, one.

[electric zapping]

- My fellow americans,
it's my birthday.

And I'm in my birthday suit!

[screaming]

- [laughing evilly]

- There it is again,
the evil chuckle.

- And those shifty eyes.

Why doesn't he want anyone
to see what he's doing?

Creeps me out.

- Wait, guys.
I got this.

Laughing.
Doesn't want anyone to see.

Okay, I think he might be

Naked!

- Just saw him
wearing clothes, b.O.B.

- Have you checked
under those clothes?

Naked.

- He's gone.

Time to find out
what our alien guest is hiding.

Hmm.
Locked.

B.O.B.?
- Eye, dr. Cockroach.

Seriously, you got
to hold my eye.

Won't fit through.
[chuckles]

- [laughs]
guy kind of loves himself, huh?

Hey, gorgeous.

What exactly
are we looking for?

- Plots, schemes,

Perhaps some
anti-earth propaganda.

Anything suspicious.

- You guys, look at this.

Aw.
I love him!

Who's a plushy alien?
[chuckles]

- [laughs]

Coverton has a teddy alien?

Does'ums have a binky
and a "night-wight" too?

- It appears to be some sort

Of advanced interactive
animatronic toy.

May I, b.O.B.?

- Yeah, go for it.

Try the hug.
It's awesome!

- Check it out.
Secret disguise hood.

It's kind of suspicious, right?

"sure fit
self-snugging underwear.

Just say, 'snug me.'"

Snug me?

[screaming]
get it off my face!

- Adaptable alien
undergarment technology.

Call me intrigued.

- Ready for action.

Record your shutdown code now.

- Hi, there.

My name is b.O.B.,

And we're going to be
best friends now

Because you're
an alien teddy bear

And I love you and--

[both grunting]

- [gasping]

Tell me that was a fresh pair.

- Doc?
Link?

What are you guys
doing over here?

- Certainly not...
[gasping]

Snooping on coverton
without telling you.

- That was good.
Really slick.

- Gah!

- But cupcakes
are kind of funny,

Because nobody ever serves them
in a cup.

I mean, am I supposed
to drink it?

That's weird, right?

- Shutdown code recorded!

Where is the leader?

- Where is the leader?

Oh, you mean susan!

- Aww.

- [beeping]

Leader identified!

- [shouts]

- Bad alien teddy bear.

We do not try
to blast susan!

Stop that!

- Command received.

Repeat your shutdown code
to confirm.

- Shutdown code?

- Uh, what?

- [laughs]

That is not
your shutdown code, silly.

- [shouting]

What is that thing?

- B.O.B. Found it
in coverton's room.

We thought it was a toy.

- But, in fact, it is not a toy.

- Yeah, I got that.

- [laughing]

[muzak playing]

♪

- [whimpering]

[all shouting]

- Shutdown code.

Of course!

You spoke to the teddy alien
when it activated?

- Yeah, I guess.

- Well, whatever you said,
it took as a verbal password.

To shut it back down,

You'll have to repeat
your exact words.

- All of them?

- How much did you say

To that toy?

[all gasping]

[tires screeching]

- Seriously.
Best hugs ever.

[expl*si*n]

[tires screeching]

- Hmm?

- [grunts]

- Oh.

Mustn't play
in coverton's toy box, hmm?

Contents may be unsafe
for children.

[laughs]

[slurps]

- [shouts]

[people screaming]

- [grunting]

[shouting]

Crash!

- [grunting]

Ow!
You fuzzy little--

[grunts]

B.O.B., it would really help

If you could remember
that shutdown code.

- Yeah, I could totally see
how that would help.

Go, susan!

- [laughs]

I got it.

[shouting]

[grunts]

Eureka!
- What is it?

- A voice print
of the shutdown code.

Each time b.O.B. Repeats
one of the words he used,

That section
will light up green.

Get all the words,

And we can turn
that abomination off.

- Hi, there.

[device beeps]

[on device]
hi, there.

- Yes!

"hi, there" was the first thing
you told the plushy.

Keep going, b.O.B.!
[loud crashing]

- I'm thinking you two
could work better

Without a rampaging
alien psycho toy.

Link, come on.
We'll lead it somewhere else.

Just hurry up
with that code!

- Bye, susan!

Have fun
not getting exploded!

Love you!
- Right, b.O.B.

Time to jog your memory.

Start reciting the alphabet,

And when you get
to the right letter,

It should trigger the words
that you're looking for.

- Oh, got it.
Okay.

♪ "a," "b," triangle

♪ "f," backwards "r"

♪ smiley face, rainbow, "m"

Wait!
"m"!

I think I said something
about cupcakes.

[device beeps]

[on device]
cupcakes.

- Cupcakes actually
does not start

With the letter "m."

- Uh, pretty sure it does, doc.

Mmm.
Cupcakes.

See?

- Slight change of plans,

Oh, grand coverlord.

My zed- -epsilon att*ck plushy

Was triggered prematurely.

But you'll love this part.

The cretins turned it
on themselves,

And they can't remember
their own shutdown code.

[laughing]

All I have to do
is sit back and--

- There you are!

- Occupied!
[grunts]

[toilet flushing]

[people screaming]

- [grunting]

- Your machine.
You turn it off.

And, by the way,

k*ller plush
hidden in your bedroom,

A little suspicious.

- Told you he was up
to something.

[shouting]

- So sorry, susan,

But the zed- -epsilon
is beyond my control.

Once activated,
it won't stop

Until it's taken down
the local leader.

[laughs]

Tragic.
Really.

- [screams]

Then why would it att*ck me?

You're the leader.

- Well, of course--
what?

- [shouting]

- Leader identified.

[giggles]

- [screams]

- [on device] alien teddy bear--
and I love you--

And this one time--
the sasquatch--pretty pony--

- We are halfway
to the code, b.O.B.

[electronic whirring]

- Oh, she is definitely
the leader.

- Oh, he's the leader.

- I await your orders,
commander.

- [grunts]

- Totally not the leader.
[slurps]

- What in odin's thunder

Are you doing
to my mess hall?

- Sir!
- Boss!

- General monger!

- Sir.
Boss.

General.

Leader identified.
[chuckles]

- Yes, I'm the leader.

Who are--

Oh, poop.

[expl*si*n]

- So close, b.O.B.
Look around.

Try and recreate the moment

You first spoke
to that devilish dolly.

Then just shout
whatever comes to mind.

Go!

- Intercontinental tooth fairy
disco conspiracy!

[on device] intercontinental
tooth fairy disco conspiracy!

- Why on earth would you have
said that to a plush toy?

- Somebody's got
to warn the people.

[expl*si*n]

- General monger!

- [groaning]

Good thing I always wear

A standard-issue
m*ssile-proof uniform.

- Oh, and that protects
your soft, plushy head too?

- No, it does not.

[both grunting]

- Yes.
Stop him.

We must save...

- Really need
that shutdown code.

- One last word, b.O.B.

You have to remember.

Dig deep into that gelatinous
mass of head goo.

- Thinking.
Concentrating.

Talking out loud
while I do it.

I remember!

That's where link left
the self-snugging undies!

- B.O.B., you mindless genius!

[both grunt]

- [grunts]

Snug me.

[expl*si*n]

- Those are some quality
underpants.

- You did it!
- Right on!

- Outstanding, monsters!

- [sarcastically]
whoo-hoo.

- Well done, b.O.B.

You may not remember much,

But you really nailed
the important bits.

- Oh, yippity-dingle-doo!
[device beeps]

[on device]
dingle-doo!

- Code complete.

- Oh, shut up.

- Coverton,

Am I to understand
you brought an unauthorized

k*ller robotic fuzzball
onto my base?

- [stammering]
it was but an innocent toy.

On my planet, all playthings
are packed

With lasers and missiles

That hunt down
the local leader.

[laughs]

Children and their games.

Sir, if there's nothing else...

[chuckles]

- Actually,
just one more thing here.

Extra snug me.

- [squealing]