01x03 - The Bath Effect; The Fruit of All Evil

[bunniefuu]

♪ MVA ♪
♪ MVA ♪

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ It's us vs. them ♪

♪ Foe vs. friend ♪

♪ Brain vs. B.O.B. ♪

♪ It's a super-freaky job ♪

Oh, yeah, it's freaky.

♪ MVA ♪
♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪
[cackles]

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪
♪ MVA ♪

The game's five-card hogwash, boys.

Jacks are fours, and
bushy eyebrows are wild.

Dealer bats first.
Play cards!

Uh, buddy,
so why you all stretched out?

[tires screech]
[screams]

Whoa, my butt's gone.
Where'd it go?

It would seem this is a case for...

The Monstery Mystery Club!

Whoo-whoounit!

Nice logo.
I dig the colors.

[ominous music]

Ahh!

[vulture screeches]

[grunting]

Ah, mystery solved.
Susan's the culprit.

So, it's always the giant ones.

[grunting]

I'm trying...
to get B.O.B...

into...
the bath!

Oh, now I remember.
Yeah, I totally ran away from her.

[sighs]

Good times.
Save me!

[all yelling]

Oof!

Feel free to jump in here, guys.

Give it up, Suze.
B.O.B. is not a bath guy.

Indeed.
Persistence is futile.

Seriously?
Come on!

Wait, where did he...

[sneezes]

Hi! Hey, you know, you're
sinuses are immaculate, Suze.

Ahh!

[laughs]

[wheezes]

Oh, how I enjoy displays
of utter incompetence.

Whatevs, Coverton.

You're just cranky 'cause your head
smells like rotten gym shorts.

Burn!

Foolish Earth dweller.
That aroma controls my telekinesis.

Whoo...
Ahh!

Without it, my mind would create
a hurricane of psionic force

that would be the end of us all,
so go kiss a floognarg!

[blows raspberry]

- Better burn!
- It was.

[blows raspberry]

Come on, B.O.B.

If you don't take a bath,
you'll wind up like Coverton.

Whoa, like Coverton?
You don't mean I'll become... cranky?

- Cranky?
- Cranky!

Being cranky is my worst
fear in the world, Susan!

Wait.
Are you saying baths cure crankiness?

Well, if it'll get you
to take a bath, sure...

Don't say another word!
I'm a believer!

Out of the way, people!
Incoming!

[machine beeps]

[machine squeaking]

[bell rings]

- Ooh, looking sharp, big blue.
- Oh, thanks, Susan.

- You really saved me back there.
- Aw, don't mention...

[giggles]

B.O.B.!

You were looking kind
of cranky earlier, Susan,

but don't worry.
A bath will cure you in no time!

[yelling]

In a world filthy
with cranky people...

[western music]

one B.O.B. knows how to cure them.

[imitates machinery]

His w*apon?

Bath time.

Hold tight, you miserable cranks.

Old B.O.B.'s coming to save you.

Onwards!

[clang!]

Backwards!

[foreboding western music]

Ahh!

[laughs]

Whoa!

Oh!

There's soap in my eyes!

[rubber duck squeaks]

[people screaming]

Not the loofah!

[people groaning]

Huh? What?
What in Sam hill?

B.O.B., why are you
hogwashing my troops?

[tense melodic whistle]

- Cranky.
- Holster that scrubber, solider!

That's an order!

[laughs]

[screams]

[laughs]

Uh-oh. See you!

Ow!

Walk it off.
Walk it off!

A-ha, I'm already in the shower!
You can't get me!

[rubber duck squeaks]

"A shower is not a bath."

[laughs]

Mama Monger!

[laughs]

[acute string music]

[ominous music]

[bubbles blipping]

Monsters, I am not a happy General!

B.O.B.'s little soaker stunts

have cost joe taxpayer
millions in damages!

On top of all that,
my fingers are so pruney,

I can't even pilot my jetpack properly!

Ahh!

If you're so mad, then why
you still wearing the cap?

This is
leave-in conditioner, son.

Soldiers follow instructions!
Back to work!

Thank you, sir!
Anti-cranky mission nearly complete.

- All: Cranky?
- What now?

Yeah, Susan told me
baths cure crankiness.

Ah, floognarg.

[chuckles]

General, forgive the intrusion,

but I heard you were
having a Monster problem.

May I suggest relocating the blob?

The center of the sun is
delightful this time of year.

[laughs]

[gasps] Cranky.
Loofah!

Wait, this is about baths?

[splutters]

Overreact much?

[quivering]

Get a hold of yourself, Coverton.
A bath never k*lled anyone.

Besides, that smelly comb-over
of yours could use one.

Fools, you have no
idea of the danger!

What to your limited
senses is foul stench

is precisely what keeps
my powers in check.

Without it, a telekinetic
hurricane will destroy us all!

All: Oof!

Basically, if the idiot gives
me a bath, we're all doomed.

General, this calls for drastic action!

- Give me the nuke codes.
- Unacceptable!

I am not in the mood for doom today,
teleki-whatsis or otherwise.

Coverton, I'm putting my best men
in charge of protecting you:

Team Monster!

All: Us?

- Them?
- Me?

All: B.O.B.?

[laughing]

[shouting]

Monsters, protect Covert...
[gags]

Gosh, I can't even say it
without feeling throw-uppie.

[clears throat]

- Monsters, protect Coverton!
- Listen to Susan.

[laughing]

Faster, faster, faster,
faster, faster, faster!

Come on, I just
want to make you happy!

Target sighted.

Intercepting with freeze
ray in three, two... one!

Ahh!

Targets headed west.
Also, ow!

General, can you see them
on surveillance cameras?

Negatory!
B.O.B., gave them all baths!

Just leave it to the fish man.

Easy, little buddy.

You don't want to tussle
with all this muscle.

[grunts]

Tiny duckies. Seriously?

You're gonna need something
a lot bigger than...

[squeak!]

I made that one for Susan!

Give it back when you're done borrowing!

[laughs]

[splutters]

[screams]

[gasps]

Oof!

[screams]

[loofah brush crackles]

[imitates lightsaber]

The cranky is strong in you.

Me, cranky?
Of course not.

See, I am as cheerful
as a fluffy bunny in a meadow...

Oh, I'll just blast you!

Back away, or you're vapor.

[snickers]

Sure.
I already had my bath today anyway.

[babbles]

[machine beeping]

Ahh!

B.O.B., you can't do this!
It will destroy us!

Sorry, Susan.

There's a cranky alien
who needs my help.

[both grunting]

But all that stuff
I said wasn't true!

- A bath won't help him!
- But you said...

I know, but I was just joking.

- Joking?
- Baths don't really cure crankiness.

I guess I just have
a weird sense of humor.

Oh, well, that clears a lot up.

[sighs]

Wait, how do I know
this isn't a joke too?

You, with your self-described
"weird" sense of humor.

Nope.
Everybody needs a bath!

No!
[beeps]

[screams]

- What's with her?
- Waiting for the doom.

Um, why aren't we doomed yet?

Hmm, it's a pickle.
According to Coverton,

we should be suffering unimaginable pain

- inside a psionic firestorm by now.
- Then why aren't we?

[bell dings]

[laughter]

He's just...

[laughter]

Yes, hysterical.

Coverton, what the
blazes is going on?

- You said we'd be wiped off the map!
- Oh, uh, did I?

[chuckles]

Silly me.
What I meant to say was...

this happens.

Oof!

[laughter]

In that case, at ease, men!

I'm off to find a new jetpack.
Do the sounds...

[men imitating jetpack rumble]

I should have known
Coverton's a big, stinky liar.

Well at least you were right
about baths curing crankiness, Susan.

Would you look how happy Coverton is?

His frown turned upside down!

TV: It's third and seven
with seconds left.

Driscoll drops in the
pocket, throws deep and...

Interception!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Taylor's at the !
The ! Touchdown!

The Thunderbolts b*at
the Vipers to !

Whoo!

An exciting conclusion to
your sporting contest, Link?

Oh, yeah, Doc.

I cannot wait to rub
Monger's face in this.

His Vipers went down like...

- [gasps] Link!
- [spits] What?

- You're eating Diane!
- Diane?

- B.O.B.'s girlfriend!
- What? No, I checked.

B.O.B.'s girlfriend Diane
is clearly marked with...

Ahh! I ate Diane!

[groans and spits]

B.O.B. will be crushed
when he finds out I ate...

Well, actually, he'll be confused,

cause, let's face it,
that's his comfort zone.

But then, when he finally gets it...
crushed! What do I do?

I could drop the brain
of a capuchin monkey

- into the skull of a wombat.
- And that will help how?

In this situation, not at all,
but it is something I could do,

so I thought it should be noted.

Link, just tell B.O.B. the truth.

Yeah, no.
I'm gonna make a new Diane.

B.O.B. will never know the diff.
Except I don't know how to do that.

Suze, help me make a new Diane!

The truth is like
ripping a bandage off: Do it fast.

it'll hurt a little, but you'll
feel better in the long run.

Hey, guys, anybody seen Diane?

I got to tell her something.

Diane!

B.O.B., buddy, you
know about bandages?

Oh, right, she's
chilling in the fridge.

[laughs]

Wait!
A gentle-blob such as yourself

shouldn't just barge
in like some kind of...

Barger guy.
Diane might be getting dress... ing?

- [laughs] What?
- Dressing? What about...

- Also, Link has a thing to show you.
- I do?

Yes, that really, really cool thing?
Remember?

The one that took an hour to an
hour and a half for a firm mold.

Oh, yeah.
That really, really cool thing.

Gosh, I really should talk to Diane.

On the other hand, I love
really, really cool things.

What are we waiting for?
Let's go, Link!

Uh, okay.

What happened to
the bandage of truth?

Stickier than expected.

I can't wait to see this
really, really cool thing!

- Where is it?
- In a really, really cool place?

And we need to take a car to get there!

Whoo!
Road trip!

I just couldn't bear to
see B.O.B. crushed, okay?

- I panicked.
- Obviously.

Add boiling water to gelatin mix,
add pineapple, stir, chill.

That's it?
So mundane.

Okay, where's the pineapple?

- There are some leftovers in here.
- Ew! We can't use that.

Not in its current state.
But with the help of science?

[cackles]

- You mean mad science?
- Ooh, busted!

So how much longer till we get to
the really, really cool thing?

'Cause we have been
gone for what seems like,

yeah, a pretty ridiculous
amount of time here.

Oh, you'll know it
when you see it, B.O.B.

[laughs]

- Hopefully I will too.
- Okay.

That comment confuses me,
but I'm going to disregard it

'cause confusion's kind
of my comfort zone, right?

Yeah, right.

You know, you really understand
me, Link. Just like Diane.

- I mean, there is a lot of Diane in you.
- You have no idea.

[burps]

Rise, tropical rubbish.

Rise to your full-fruited glory
through mad science!

[cackles]

[electricity crackling]

[cackles]

[dramatic organ music]

[cackles]

Hey Dr. C, I found a can of chunks
way in the back of the cupboard.

[cackles]

But fresh is better than canned.

[growls]

Ahh!

Unless it tries to eat me!

[growling and snapping]

[screeching]

[high-pitched snarling]

- Is that your stomach?
- No. Why?

Are you saying I ate
something I shouldn't have?

'Cause I didn't.
I totally did not!

Whoa that was kind of
a disproportionately defensive

- response there, buddy.
- Uh, yeah, I guess it was.

[snarling]

I mean, you do eat some
things that maybe you shouldn't.

Uh-oh.

But you work out too,
so it's a healthy lifestyle.

[tires screech]

B.O.B., I have to tell you something.

It won't be easy for you to hear,
but I owe you the truth.

Link, buddy, I already know.

- You do?
- Yep! We're here!

And you're totally right!
That is one really, really cool rock!

[growling and screeching]

[roars]

I mean, I like how it's
pretty much like every other rock

you've ever seen, so it's not
all in your face about coolness.

Yeah, that's it.

That's the reason I dragged
you all the way out here.

Totally worth it.

[snarling]

[sighs]

No, B.O.B., the truth is...

[loud crash]

[roars]

A mutant pineapple is eating my car!

Wow, this place is
chock-full of cool things!

[snarls]

[roars]

No, B.O.B., it isn't.
Run!

[screeches]

- And what exactly are we doing now?
- Waiting for water to boil.

Boring, but it's the next
step, so please don't say...

Mad science can solve that!

Eep!

[kettle whistles]

Ha, my microwave blaster...

[boom!]

[camera shutter clicks]

May have been a little more robust
than the situation called for.

- Doctor, your mad science...
- Is making you mad?

- Little bit, yeah.
- Understood.

[roaring]

[grunting]

Ooh?

[screeches]

That's a tough pineapple!

[both screaming]

Now we wait for the gelatin to set.

Wait? Ha!
Who needs to wait when we have mad...

Dr. Cockroach, you go mad science,
I go ginormic!

- Are we clear?
- Very clear. Ixnay on admay iencesay.

Clear as ice.

Or is it?

- I know what you're thinking.
- Doubt it.

A monkey-brained wombat could
tunnel through this and get help.

Shame nobody listened to me earlier.

Aw, Link, I got it.
We just become puddles and hide!

- Um, B.O.B., I can't become a puddle.
- Not with that attitude, you can't!

Come on buddy, just put
a little effort into it!

B.O.B., seriously!
It's physically impossible!

I cannot become a puddle!

Strange.
You never mentioned this before.

I wonder what other secrets
you're keeping from me.

Well, okay, now
that you mention it...

[screeching roar]

- We'll talk later!
- Yeah!

[roars]

[both screaming]

[gasps]

B.O.B., buddy, this is the end,
so I've got a few things to say.

[roars]

Look, you've been a tight pal, B.O.B.,

the best this prehistoric
fish-man ever had,

and that's why I need to
come clean about Diane.

- Diane!
- Yeah, Diane.

- I ate...
- No, Diane's part pineapple!

- Hey, I bet if I tell this guy...
- No, I don't think that's...

Hey, guy, crazy coincidence.

You're a pineapple, and
I happen to know a...

[chomps]

B.O.B.!
No!

So you're gonna eat me?

Go on. I don't care.
I deserve it.

[burps] Huh?

I ate my best buddy's
gelatin girlfriend,

and then he got eaten!
And now I'm gonna get eaten!

I think there's some poetic justice
in there somewhere maybe.

[rumbles]

Anyway, the worst part is, I never
even told him how sorry I was.

It was an accident.
I never meant to...

[rumbles]

Uh...
so are you gonna do this or...

[grunts]

[rumbles]

[screeches]

[boom!]

- Aw, B.O.B.
- Yeah?

B.O.B., you're alive!

Yeah, I guess I don't digest very well.

So you didn't hear anything

that might have sounded a
little like a confession?

Like a what...
Whoa, Link, look at me!

- I look just like Diane!
- Yeah, Diane.

See, what I...

- Whoa!
- Come on.

I got to show her this.

- Know what? Looks good.
- Agreed.

B.O.B. will never know the difference.

Diane! Diane!

Where's Diane?

Oh, there!

Check me out!
Pineapple chunks!

- We're twinsies!
- He's buying it!

- Thank goodness.
- The great gelatin romance continues.

Oh, and I almost forgot.
I'm breaking up with you.

All: What?

Guys, please.
Kind of a private moment.

I was gonna tell you earlier,
but Link had this really,

really cool thing
he needed to show me.

Don't be like that.

I think we've both known for
a while this wasn't working.

Plus, I've met someone.

She's a banana pudding cup.
I hope we can still be friends.

Come on, Evelyn.
You got to see this rock.

It will change your life.

So we went through
all that for nothing?

I guess.
Oh, well. Anybody want some...

[slurping]

What?