01x26 - Bride of the Internet; The Invisible thr*at (Also Silent)

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Monsters vs. Aliens". Aired: March 23, 2013 - February 8, 2014.
American computer-animated television series based on the 2009 DreamWorks Animation film of the same name.
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01x26 - Bride of the Internet; The Invisible thr*at (Also Silent)

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ MVA ♪
♪ MVA ♪

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ It's us vs. them ♪

♪ Foe vs. friend ♪

♪ Brain vs. B.O.B. ♪

♪ It's a super-freaky job ♪

Oh, yeah, it's freaky.

♪ MVA ♪

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ MVA ♪

Do I zap the salami
before or after the pickle cannon?

It's a sandwich stunt video,
not sandwich rocket science.

Let your heart be your guide.

- Hey, guys, what's...
- Heart says go!

Oh! Oof!
Whoa, aah!


- Aah! Oh, sh**t.
- sh**ting.


That was hilariously beautiful.

- What the heck was that?
- Uh, cut.

[gasps] Delete video!

- Delete now!
- On it.

"Delete," u-p-l-o-a-d...


- No! B.O.B., that was "upload"!
- Was it, Susan? Was it?

You have to answer,
because what's an upload?

You just put my
video on the internet.

Everyone can see it.

[device beeps]

Looks like you're a viral hit,
trashface picklebutt.


, views?
Who's a popular picklebutt?

[ominous music]

And now begins the humiliation.

[mocking laughter]

Oh, you gotta see this video!

That's, uh, you on there.

Did not notice that.


- Picklebutt.
- I'm on it, Susan!

[grunting and groaning]




Okay, think I got all the internets.

B.O.B., that's not how it works.

- The internet is everywhere.
- Oh, you know him too?

Thinks he's so smart just
because he knows everything.

I do not like him.

- Wait, you said "him"?
- Yes, the Internet.

We had a few classes together.

He's the universe's leading
expert on Earth studies.

And cats.
And bacon.

You had classes
with the global system

of interconnected computer networks?

Oh! [giggling]

Silly, ignorant Earth people.
The Internet is an alien.

[whispering] We're all quiet

because we're thinking
about bacon cats, right?

- An alien?
- Frankly, it strains credulity

- that one alien could...
- Whatever, science blah. Shut it.

Can he get rid of this stupid
trashface picklebutt video?

Let us find out.

Hey, Internet!

[echoing] Hey, Internet!

- New instant message.
- Make it so.

- Hey, Internet!
- Hey, Sqweep.


- Who are your friends?
- This is...

J.K., like I don't know everything.

Because... what?
Internet! L.O.L.

Hey, 'sup, picklebutt?

It's that easy to talk to the internet?

Shyeah. I'm the Internet.
I'm everywhere.


Watching cat videos now.


Hi. [giggles]
Um, obviously you're super busy,

but I was wondering if you could help...

- Do you really know everything?
- B.O.B.!

Who discovered the fourth
law of thermodynamics?

- Hey!
- Lars Onsager.

Okay, wait, what's it called

when you sneeze, burp, and
cut one at the same time?

- Seriously?
- Three-hole punch.

- How many eyes am I holding up?
- Don't care.

Oh, ho, he's right.
He doesn't care.


Guys, I got business, all right?

Feisty! Ooh, "a" plus plus...

Would listen to again.
Five-star review.


Uh, does that mean
you'll erase my video?

Favorite puppy breed?

- What?
- Favorite puppy breed!

I-I don't know.

- Do you call it "soda" or "pop"?
- Soda, like all true Americans.

Grossest thing you ever ate?

- Butterfly.
- Agh!

[dramatic music]

It flew in my mouth.

Zip, zap, your video's erased.

Gotta go, see you later,
'cause I'm everywhere.

What? Internet!

Wow! I didn't think
he'd actually do it.

He completely erased the video.

Great! Now I just
hide out for two years

until everyone forgets about it.

Then... whoa!
[air lock whooshes]

Pardon me, have you
seen the video of Susan

with pickles on her posterior?

You bet I did. Here,
I bookmarked it right...

Huh. "Video does not exist."

I must have imagined it.

Earth people get all their
information from the Internet,

so if the Internet says there is no
video, it's like it never happened.

- No way. Really?
- I don't know, Suze.

Even I'm starting to
wonder if there really was

a cakeface pizzabutt video.

Trashface picklebutt.
Why am I correcting you?

Are you sure?
We should check the internet.

- Nope, can't find anything.
- Try a different search engine.

There's a cat video remix.

[cats meowing]

Your picklebutt has been wiped clean.

Ew. And yay! Thanks, Internet.
[device beeps]

Okay, that's just creepy.

Can't believe we fixed all
our problems before lunchtime.

I know, I keep expecting
some random complication or...

Turkey tetrazzini! My favorite!

We just had that Monday.

I just make from the online menu.

Online menu?

- Mm.
- Delivery for Susan Murphy.

Shh, eating tetrazzini.
Mm, mm!

♪ Girl girl girl ♪
[music plays]

♪ I love you girl ♪

"Ooh girl you girl (baby girl)"
by Jace Lovins?

- I love that song!
- Ooh, you've got a secret admirer.

We got an anonymous
letter from some website.

Some website, you say?

Attention, Area -something!

As the result of an internet vote
I do not remember,

congratulations to our
employee of the century,

Susan Ginormica Murphy!

- Internet vote?
- Enough with the eyebrow.

Maybe I'm just having a really good day.

All rise for the national anthem.

♪ Girl girl girl, I love you girl ♪

♪ I love you girl ♪

It's so inspiring.

National anthem.

Um, General, I thought we were
playing the national anthem.

Which I downloaded from the official
internet website of the U.S. of A.

Well, shut me up.


Yeah, fine, it's the Internet.
I'll talk to him.

Herp derp. No zuh, it was me.

What did you think all those
ques-chee-ho-nays were for?

That was your online dating profile.

What was a whose online what?

Bt-dubs, we're a perfect match.

Trust me, what has multiple thumbs
and minored in love connections?

This guy. Internet!

Okay, um, totally flattered, I guess,

but maybe changing the national
anthem is taking things a bit too fast.

Hmm, or is it not
taking things fast enough?

Why didn't you tell us?

You kids are gonna
be so happy together.

- What are you talking about?
- Your social status update.

"In a relationship...
with the Internet"?

Anyway, don't let us interrupt
kissy-kissy time.

[both smooching]

You can't just do that!

Yeah, I can just did that.

No, let me put this in
terms you'll understand.

Do not want.

Wait, what?
Are you... rejecting me?

Shyeah. You mad, bro?


Raaage faaace!

[alarm blaring]

Virus detected in system.
Virus is Susan.

You're such a jerk.

[yelping, grunting]

The Internet is everywhere.

Okay, that was... aah!

Sorry, Suze, G.P.S.
said it was a shortcut.

Make a u-turn... now.

Okay, you're the boss.

[tires squeal]

You have reached level
of "Donkey monkey, danger junkie."

For million bonus bananas...

[menacing voice] Destroy Susan.

[tires squeal]


What? Agh!

Not another step, Susan.

I've got a priority alert
from the medical database

- that you are a class five cootie risk.
- From the database?

You're the one who's been all skeptical
of the internet this whole time.

Well, yes, but look at these
colorful charts and graphics.

Contain the outbreak!



Hey, Internet!
Guess who's in the desert,

where there's no technology!



A stinking satellite?
Are you kidding me?

Why you no understand?

The Internet is everywhere.

El internet en todas partes.

You know what? You are so right.

Hey, Internet, Internet,
Internet, Internet!

Hey, Internet, Internet,
Internet, Internet!

What are you doing?

Yes, I'm right here.
That's very annoying.

Please stop. Just please...
please stop that!

Why don't you just ignore me?
Oh, that's right. You can't.

Because the Internet is everywhere.

Hey, Internet, Internet,
Internet, Internet!

Ugh. End call!

Texty, texty.

- New text. Read aloud?
- Make it so.

Hey, Internet, Internet,
Internet, Internet!


New instant message.
New email.

Hey, Internet, Internet,
Internet, Internet!

New video chat.
Hey, Internet...

You think I can't handle this, Susan?

Come at me, brah!

Why do you need my full-spectrum

online communication mega-enhancer?

- Just a little project I'm working on.
- I love projects.

Hey, Internet, Internet,
Internet, Internet!


[electricity crackling]

Internet, Internet, Internet!

[cat meows]

Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!


[industrial techno music]
# Internet Internet Internet #

♪ Hey, Internet Internet Internet ♪

♪ Hey, Internet Internet Internet ♪

Aah, stop!

I'll do whatever you want.

Then back off.


Forever alone.

♪ Alone now forever ♪

♪ I won't have you in my life ♪

♪ I miss you ♪

♪ I need you ♪

♪ bye, Susan ♪


Susan for the win!

Playing national anthem.

♪ Girl girl girl, I love you girl ♪

♪ I love you girl girl girl ♪


[toilet flushes]
# girl girl girl #


Feel free to...Ow!

In here...Aah!


I knew you cared.

This much I care.

Wah! Whoa! Oof!


Prepare to be awestruck
by my latest ingenious...

- Just blast it!
- I got this!



Got it! Mmph, ugh!

Can't hold it very long.



Blast it all! Another failure!

- But, General Monger, we won.
- That's the problem.

You shouldn't be able
to b*at the Unstop-o-bot.

Nobody should.

- 'Cause then it's a stop-o-bot?
- Right, B.O.B.

How's our little project
coming along, General?

What project is that, sir?

The top-secret one.

Why am I paying for a
$ billion boondoggle

when you won't even tell me what it is?

It's top-secret, sir.

And we both know you're not
very good at keeping secrets.

What? I've never told anyone

about that awkward birthmark
you've got on your...

[clears throat noisily] Sir.

Okay, point taken.
But can't you just give me a hint?

Like, is the secret project...

the world's most expensive video game?

- Oh, cool!
- It's not a video game, sir.


Listen, if you don't
tell me what it is,

I... well, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna hold my breath

until I turn blue.


Me too. [inhales]

B.O.B., you already know about
the top-secret project.

It's the Unstop-o-bot.

And you're already blue.
And you don't breathe.

Oh, right.

Ladies and gentlemen
and miscellaneous others,

the Unstop-o-bot has got to work.

- And I want you to figure it out.
- You have come to the right roach.

You and Sqweep.

But, General, the child is
an insufferable know-it-all.

I don't know it all.
Just significantly more than you.

Yada, yada, yada.
You two work it out.

That's an order. Dismissed!



What can you possible do to improve

the biggest, strongest
battle suit ever invented?

It does have its flaws.

- Such as?
- The blasted noise, obviously.

You can hear that infernal
contraption coming a mile away.

How ironic that a creature with eyes
as large as yours cannot see

- the most obvious problem.
- Excuse me?

It's so big it can be seen
from a volarian hectare away.

Even a lower life form like yourself
should realize that.

- Lower life form?
- Ooh, burn.

Oh! Oof! Argh.

Can we put the sniping
aside and get back

to solving the problem?


I will not stand here and be insulted

by this... this juven-alien delinquent!

From now on, I only work with someone
whose genius equals my own!

- Ooh, me! Pick me!
- I meant myself, B.O.B.

- May the best brain win.
- Hmm.

If they're not gonna tell
me what the secret project is,

I'll just have to find out for myself.

[door squeaks]

Henry's afraid of the dark!

Henry, where are you?

[cheerful electronic music]



[air lock whooshes, zipper rasps]

[dramatic music]

Yay! I know the secret!

Ahem. So how's our little
project coming along?

We're just programming the t*nk

to accept General
Monger's voice commands.

General Monger?
Why him?

I'm voice-commander-in-chief.

It should be set to my
voice commands... in chief.

I'm the president. Do what I say.

Awaiting orders.

Protect and defend... I don't know...

the base from stuff, I guess.

Order received.

Fantastic top-secret project.

Well worth the $ billion we spent.

Oh, no, Mr. President,
this isn't that project.

- That's down the hall.
- Oh. Gotta run.


Aw, that's cute.
What does it do?

In simple terms that
even you can understand,

it's a cloaking device.

Well, you'll never guess
what I've concocted. It's a...

- A sil*ncer.
- How did you...

Well, no, it's a very special,
very technologic-logical

silence-inducing device.

It's very, very complicated.

I imagine for you it would be.

Just as I suspected...

a super cool, ultra-surround,
-D video game!

Where's the start button?

I wonder if I need a quarter.

Welcome to Unstop-o-bot.

Are you ready to battle?


We both used magnetic
installation protocols?

- Yes, well, it only made sense.
- Curious.

[clanging, whirring]
What was that?

Super-punch. Disrupter ray.

Mega-kick. Jet boots.

Oh, that one.

- Aah!
- Whoa!

- Aah, oh!
- Oh!

- Listen! Silence.
- Look! Cloaking.

[both yelp]

Dr. C: On a positive note,
my device is working perfectly.

Sqweep: Mine too.


Security breach detected.
Activate base defense mode.

Ha ha!

[laughing wildly]


Seriously? No gold coins?
This level stinks.

Intruder detected.

All right! This
game just got exciting.

Eat laser, t*nk!

[rapid beeping]

Energy cannon.

You're telling me someone
swiped the Unstop-o-bot,

which you two made completely
invisible and inaudible?

We were hoping it might be you,
testing us again.

Obviously, it wasn't.

Area -something is the most
secure place on Earth!

How could...
Wait a minute.

Bring up the security footage

outside project
Unstop-o-bot just before.


Ugh, jerkbot.

[laughing wildly]

[quirky upbeat music]

Monsters, Aliens, find that
Unstop-o-bot and stop it!

Really? The same
Unstop-o-bot you asked us

to make impossible for us to stop?

Do you see where this
is gonna be a problem?

And don't harm the President!


That wasn't me.


Hey, the Monsters and
Aliens are in this game too.

Boy, you'd think with
a billion-dollar budget,

they could've made them
look more realistic.


The Unstop-o-bot!

Uh, sorry, Susan.

I'm almost sure I didn't
do that on purpose.

- Don't let it get away!
- Sure, 'cause it's silent and invisible.

So this should be, pfft, easy.
How do we know it's here?


- Leg swipe.
- Oof!

[grunting and shouting]
I feel like a doofus.

Do I look like a doofus?
I do, don't I?

You always look like a doofus.

Yipe, yipe!

- Oof!
- Ooh!

Invisibility. Good one.

Okay, going for the triple bonus.

Roundhouse kick.

[all grunt]

No, no, no, no, no!

[all grunting, moaning]

Intruder identified. Destroy.

Stand down!
That's the President!

Voice command not authorized.

Of course...
it's authorized.

I'm the General! Who else would...

Only the President is authorized.

Well, don't that just figure?


I'm losing health points here.
Time to get out of this level.

[all grunting]

As much as it pains me to admit it...

Perhaps if we put
our minds together...

We might find a way to stop
that metallic monstrosity.

Yes, but without
sight and without sound,

how do you catch a metallic...

- It's metal!
- Metal!

- There!
- Activate mega-magnet.

Got it!



Electromagnetics for the win!

What an elegantly simple solution.

So this isn't a video game?

Destroy intruder.

[high-pitched voice] Stop!
No blasting, no blasting!

Scared little crybaby
voice command not recognized.


Ahem. Stand down!


Command received.

You beginning to see
why we keep certain things

- secret from you, Mr. President?
- Yes. Well, in my defense,

I still think this would
make an awesome video game!

[groans] Unfortunately, you Monsters
and Aliens still b*at my bot.

So I expect new ideas on how to make
the Unstop-o-bot unbeatable!

General, I'm sorry, but what
you ask is simply impossible,

because when it comes
to Monsters and Aliens...

Sqweep: We are an
unbeatable combination.

♪ MVA ♪
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