04x06 - Martha and the One Thousand Fleas/Nice and Crabby

[bunniefuu]

verag♪

♪ She went... and... and... ♪
(barking, growls)

♪ When she ate
some alphabet soup ♪

♪ Then what happened
was bizarre... ♪

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain
and now...

♪ She's got a lot to say ♪

♪ Now she speaks... ♪

How now, brown cow?

♪ Martha speaks, yeah,
she speaks and speaks ♪

♪ And speaks and speaks
and speaks... ♪

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

♪ Martha speaks... ♪

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

♪ She's not always right,
but still that Martha speaks. ♪

Hi, there!

♪ She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ Sometimes wrong
but seldom in doubt ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ That dog's unique... ♪

Testing, one, two!

♪ Hear her speak ♪

♪ Martha speaks and speaks ♪

♪ And speaks and speaks
and... ♪

♪ Communicates, enumerates ♪

♪ Elucidates, exaggerates ♪

♪ Indicates and explicates ♪

♪ Bloviates and overstates
and... ♪

(panting)

♪ ...hyperventilates! ♪

♪ Martha, to reiterate ♪

Martha speaks!
♪ Martha speaks. ♪

Come one, come all, and see
the thrilling circus of words!

Circus of words?

For today's show,
we have gathered

some of the most stupendous
utterances known to man--

words like...

Cheerful!

And we also have words like...

Grumpy.

And since it's a charity circus,

you'll also find words like...

Contribute.

Look at us!

Oh, all right.

Whoa! (grunts)

Is "refund"
one of the words?

(knock at door)

Hi, my name's Cookie
and I'm selling Helens.

I mean, I'm Helen
and I'm cooking celery.

No, I mean...

I don't know why I get
so nervous selling cookies.

You just have to relax.

It's a fundraiser.

That means you're raising
money for a good cause.

Who's going to mind
someone coming to them

about a school fundraiser?

(clears throat)

So, you want to sell
some cookies, huh?

Great. I'll bet he's going
to tell us what it takes

to be a great
cookie salesman.

Have I ever told you
what it takes

to be a great
cookie salesman?

(both groan)

A salesman is someone

who sells things
to people.

And the number one rule of
being a cookie salesman is:

A.B.A.--
Always Be Annoying!

The more annoying you are,

the better cookie salesman
you'll become.

Why would we want
to be annoying?

Duh. If you're annoying,
grown-ups will buy cookies

just to get rid of you.

You might want to take notes.

HELEN:
I guess we should start mapping
out the neighborhood

like Ronald said.

Yeah.

Who knew cookies could
be so complicated?

Ooh, tell me about it.

It took me and Skits forever
to open the ones in the garage.

(girls moan)

My cookies!

Martha, how could you?

Those were supposed
to benefit the school.

Benefit?

A benefit is something

that helps something or someone.

Oh. You mean like that dogwash
we did to raise funds

to benefit the animal shelter?

Or the way you say you benefit
from a good breakfast.

Bad example.

The cookies were
to raise funds

for a field trip
to the aquarium.

Sorry.

(whimpers)

Well, on the bright side,

now you don't have
to be nervous

about being
a cookie salesman.

Uh, I'll go home now.

Martha, if I'd sold
the cookies,

I would have raised $
for my school.

How am I going to come up
with the money I owe?

This is terrible.

I can't believe you did this.

I'd better go see
how much money I have.

I feel terrible, too.

(barking)

I agree.

We owe it to Helen
to raise the money.

How does a four-legged animal
come up with $ ?

(gasps)

I got an idea!

(stomach gurgles)

But first I'd better lie down.

(groans)

You're going to raise the money?

Yup, we're going to put on
the greatest doggie circus

in the history of Wagstaff City.

People can contribute money
for the school fundraiser.

A charity circus--
that's a great idea!

Charity circus?

It's a dog circus.

Charity just means
it's for a good cause.

So it's actually
a charity dog circus.

Right. What tricks
are you going to do?

Uh...

So, does anybody know
any tricks?

Playing dead. Okay.

Anybody got anything else?

Triplets?

(yipping)

Hey, that's pretty good.

Oh.

(barks)

Ooh, like a flying
trapee...

Does anybody have

any tricks that don't end up
in playing dead?

Hey, Skits, you're getting
pretty good at skateboarding.

Maybe you could do that.

(barks)

And Cisco, with all of your fur,
you could be a ferocious lion.

(growling)

And I'll be the ringmaster.

(yipping)

François.

So what's your trick?

(yipping)

The Dance of a Thousand Fleas?

Whoa! Sounds like
a great grand finale.

Let's see it.

(dogs all barking)

(yipping)

Okay, I can get that.

(yipping)

That, too.
(yipping)

That sounds horrible.

Are you sure?

Okay, if you say so.

Helen will get what you need
and you can show us next time.

Now let's practice
so we're ready by Saturday.

Great job, Rinty.

Keep up the good work.

Pyramid's looking good,
triplets.

(crash)

(yipping)

Here you go.

Let me know if you need
anything else.

Okay, François.

Helen found everything
you asked for.

A box of plastic blocks, a rope
ladder, four bags of ice,

a bowl of spicy ketchup,
some cats...

And a wading pool filled with...

I can't even say it.

(barks)

Oh, sure, we've got
plenty of fleas.

All right, François.

Show us your grand finale,
the Dance of a Thousand Fleas.

(gulps)

TD:
Hey, dogs.

(groans)

What's wrong?

I sort of accidentally ate

all the cookies I was
supposed to sell

for the school fundraiser.

And I need another way
to raise the money.

Well, you can be part
of our charity circus.

It's to raise funds
to benefit the school.

We could use a good lion tamer.

You have a lion?

No, there's no lion.

But we've got
a very ferocious poodle.

(growling)

Cool!

I can stick my head
in Cisco's mouth.

Or, he can stick his head
in my mouth.

Oh... great!

François is about
to show us all

his grand finale act.

(yips)

How did that happen?

(sighs)
Next time.

(barking)

Yeah, Pops, it would be a shame

to let all of that ketchup
go to waste.

TD:
Wagstaff City's
charity doggie circus!

Witness the Dance
of a Thousand Fleas!

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

(sadly):
Selling cookies.

Ronald is helping me.

(in a whisper):
Help me!

Well, we're out of cookies.

You sold them all?

No. They were eaten.

(laughing smugly)

The number one rule of being
a cookie salesman: N.E.P.--

Never Eat the Product.

I thought "always be annoying"
was the number one rule.

That's the second
number one rule.

Martha and some other dogs
are putting on a circus

to benefit the school.

You should come.

Who'd want to watch

a bunch of dogs
in a circus?

We're hoping the whole
neighborhood comes.

The whole neighborhood, huh?

Do you think we could sell some
cookies at this charity circus?

I don't see why not.

This is perfect.

Why go around the neighborhood

when we can have the whole
neighborhood come to us?

Okay, everyone, looks like it's
going to be a full house.

So go out there,
remember to be cheerful, smile

and really knock 'em dead.

Okay?

(all bark "okay")

Here we go.

Places!

I hope your grand finale

is as spectacular
as you say it is.

(groans)

Don't you want to go
watch the show?

I don't want to watch
a bunch of dumb dogs

do a bunch of dumb tricks.

I'll guard the cookies and wait
for the after-circus rush.

Suit yourself.

I'll see you after
the grand finale.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls,

foxhounds and Pomeranians!

If you like what you see, we
hope that you will contribute

after the show.

And by "contribute," I mean
that you can give us money

to support our school.

Now, without further ado,

Skits the Spectacular
and his skateboard!

ALL:
Ooh!

He could go on like this
for hours, folks.

Here he is, lovable ol' Pops!

(laughing)

(cheering)

TD:
And now, the ferocious beast
will stick his head

into my mouth.

(gasping)

(mumbling):
Ta-dah!

(cheering)

MARTHA:
Wasn't that fantastic?

And now the moment
you've all been waiting for:

the grand finale, an ancient
and death-defying act

never before seen
in Wagstaff City:

the Dance of a Thousand Fleas!

(clears her throat)
Uh, sorry.

The Dance of a Thousand Fleas!

AUDIENCE:
What? Huh?

Excuse me for a moment.

MARTHA:
You made it all up?

No one will contribute
any money

if they don't see the grand
finale they were promised.

What should we do?

There's only one thing left
to do.

TD:
And now,

the moment you've
all been waiting for,

the Dance of a Thousand Fleas.

(audience oohing and ahhing)

Witness as Martha crosses
a bed of sharp plastic blocks,

makes her way through a group
of extremely cranky cats,

walks across a sea of ice

and leaps a pit

of one of the most horrible
substances known to dogs--

soapy water.

(whimpering)

All while being swarmed
by blood-thirsty fleas

and while balancing a bowl
of spicy ketchup on her head.

ALL:
Ooh!

(audience gasps)

Yow! Cold, cold, cold.

(weakly):
Ta-dah.

(laughing and cheering)

At least you were able to wash
off some of the fleas.

I'm sorry I let you down.

I'll just have to think
of another way

to raise the funds you owe.

Oh, don't worry.

I'm just proud of you
for trying.

Hey, we made more than $
in contributions!

What?

But I messed up
the grand finale.

Are you kidding?

It was great.

Falling into the suds
was hilarious.

This is the best
fundraiser ever!

You did it!

Thank you, Martha.

Oh, anything to contribute
to a good cause.

(Ronald groaning)

You ate all the cookies?

Oh, don't say that word.

What word? Cookies?

(groaning)

Ladies and gentlemen, you are
about to see an amazing feat.

Keep your eyes on these cuffs,
as I, Ronaldo the Great,

will free myself
from their steely grip.

(grunting)
HELEN:
What are you doing?

What does it look like?

I'm practicing my escape act
for my charity circus.

Really?
What charity is it for?

It's called R.N.A.N.B.--

Ronald Needs A New Bike.

Doing something for charity

means helping other people
who are in need.

Exactly.

I need a new bike.

It's useless.

Let's go.

I need help! I'm stuck!

(grunting)

Guys... Guys?

(TD panting, Skits barking)

MARTHA:
Pass it to us!

Okay, here it comes.

Oh, no.

It's in Mrs. Demson's
Bougainvillaea.

(sniffing)

Skits, get off the lawn!

Do you think she'll come out
and complain?

Doesn't she always?

DEMSON:
They should require a license

to fly one of those.

How could you have
an accident like this?

Um, accidentally?

(both laughing)

What are you,
an advertisement
for happiness?

Shush!

I can't hear
myself think!

(grunting)

Careful!

You're getting dirt
all over my dirt.

(grumpily):
Did your ball go in
my Bougainvillaea?

We're sorry,
Mrs. Demson.

(pleasantly):
Oh! No problem.

Accidents happen.

ALL:
Huh?!

That's not
a complaint, is it?

I thought when you complained

it meant you said
something bothered you

or made you unhappy.

Like: "I don't like it
when you walk on my lawn."

Maybe it's a new,
tricky kind of complaint

disguised as happiness.

Here you go.

(barking excitedly)

(grumpily):
I thought he was going

to swallow my whole arm.

(pleasantly):
But who would complain
about such a lovable dog?

When I wake up from this dream,

remind me to tell you
all about it.

Hey, isn't that
the cranky, crabby lady?

I didn't recognize her
with a smile on her face.

She was grumpy when we tried
to buy her house.

You're scuffing up
the pavement!

Keep off the grass!

If we owned that house,

we would be close
to the talking dog,

who will one day
make us wealthy

beyond our wildest
dreams... somehow.

What a lovable, fuzzy doggie!

WEASELGRAFT:
She looks friendly now.

You know what we do
with friendly people.

Make friends with them?

Yes. And then what?

Bake cookies with them.

No, we cheat them.

Oh, yeah.

How?

We'll need a plan.

Who wants to play soccer?

She means she wants us to go
play and leave her alone.

No, I want to play, too.

They used to call me
Ol' Dribble-head.

Mrs. Demson,
why are you acting this way?

(grumpily):
What way?

(pleasantly):
I mean, whatever do you mean?

DR. HARDWICK:
Hello, Mrs. Demson!

Hello, Dr. Hardwick.

I can tell by that smile

you're working hard
to follow my advice.

The doctor advised you
to smile?

My last medical tests showed
I was too crabby.

She needs to relax and keep
a cheerful disposition.

Does "keep a cheerful
disposition" mean

she's pretending to be friendly?

(grumpily):
No, it doesn't mean
I'm pretending!

Mrs. Demson.

Remember, we are practicing
having a cheerful disposition,

not a crabby disposition.

I mean, no, dear.

My disposition means the way
I usually act or feel.

See?

I have a cheerful disposition.

Keep it up.

There are many benefits
to being cheerful.

Have fun.

(Helen laughing)

Whee!

(gasps in surprise)

Cheerful disposition!

(yelling)

You can't quit.

We only played
for three hours.

I feel so healthy!

HELEN:
And then she wrote a petition

demanding parades be held

every day, right past her house.

She's sure changed
her personality.

You mean you think it's
some other person

pretending to be her?

No, "personality" means
what kind of person you are

and how you act.

Her personality used
to be grumpy and cranky.

Well, that's not
Mrs. Demson's personality now.

Now she's all lovable
and cheerful and la-la-la-la.

A lovable crabby.

Now, that's scary.

It's a beautiful night
for bowling!

Let's play two games.

And thank you
for holding the door.

♪ La-la-la-la! ♪

Oh, I believe these are
your size, Mrs. Demson.

Thank you.

Did you just start working here?

Yes. It's part
of our plan.

(clears his throat)

He means we plan
to improve bowling.

Would you like to contribute
any helpful suggestions?

It would take too
long to write all
my suggestions down.

Forget it.

What if we wrote them for you
and you just signed them?

Okay. Come by my
house tomorrow.

(chuckling)

Tomorrow her house
will be ours.

What do you mean?

He means your house
will be hours away.

We're going on vacation.

Didn't you just start
working here?

Uh, it's a stressful job.

We need a vacation.
Just look at us.

The sound of bowling pins
falling, crashing.

It never stops.

It's cruel.

Time for our break.

Okay.

See you tomorrow... I guess.

MOM:
Not only did Mrs. Demson
lead everyone

in bowling songs,
she hugged all the losers!

If there was a trophy

for Most Improved
Personality, she'd win.

(banging on window)

Hi!
Can Moppy come out?

Oh, she means me.

I'm too tired to play
with her again.

Skits?

(gulps)

(barking)

You just remembered you have
a vet appointment?

Oh, it's true.

(groans)

I'll come over

after I've finished
breakfast, Mrs. Demson.

Good.
And cheer up!

We've got lots
of sticks to chase.

Lots and lots
of sticks.

(chuckles weakly)

Great.

It's cruel to treat a dog
like this.

What are you
talking about?

Someone who's cruel
is really mean.

They hurt you and make you feel
bad on purpose.

Mrs. Demson is nice now.

Well, my paws
think she's cruel.

I tried to tell them
she's all nice and lovable,

but they're not buying it.

They think it's cruel
to make a dog play so much.

Well, maybe you can
be nice to someone

but cruel to their feet
at the same time.

You're telling me.

Who knew there could be
too much stick chasing?

We've got to find her

a pet of her own--
one with extra legs.

Whoa!
What is it?

That's Weaselgraft
and Pablum's van.

What are those two sneaks up to?

You have the paper?

Yes.

So, we tell her
that signing this

makes all of her suggestions
official.

Exactly--
except, in reality,

she'll be signing over
her house to us for free.

(laughs evilly)

Those guys
are rotten.

But how can we warn
Mrs. Demson?

Let's tell Mom and Dad.

Wait, they may
not be home.

They were taking Skits
to the vet.

You check at home,
I'll check the vet's.

You know that machine
that blows the air?

Yes?

Make it stop blowing air.

"Make it stop..."

Perfect.

Now are you ready to sign and
make your complaints official?

How many improvements
did I suggest?

Thirty-six.

Oh, I have a couple more.

Dr. Hardwick!

Hello, Martha.

What can I do for you?

You can open the door
to the vet's office.

Quick?

Thanks!

Mmm. Now, what
were you saying?

I see what happened.

We'll sort it out right away.

Where are Skits
and Mom and Dad?

They just took Skits home.

Oh, okay. Thanks!

The report I have
reads, "Grumpy,

"complains all the time,
cranky disposition,

otherwise, very healthy."

That sounds like a perfect pet
for Mrs. Demson.

What animal is that?

Does it need a home?

It's not an animal,
it's Mrs. Demson.

Mrs. Demson goes to a vet?

No, the delivery guy
mixed up the reports

and I got Mrs. Demson's.

And I got your
patient's report.

Hmm, this changes everything.

I better tell
Mrs. Demson right away.

MARTHA:
Wait for us!

"Project the scores lower down."

(snorts)

It hurts my neck to always
be looking up that high.

Is that it
for suggestions?

What number was that?

Six thousand and fifty seven.

That's enough for today.

Perfect.

Now all you have to do
is sign this form,

and all your suggestions
will be official.

(chuckling)

HELEN:
Dr. Hardwick!

This way!

(chuckling)

Quick! Hurry!

We've got to warn her!

(pounding on door,
ringing doorbell)

Who's making all that noise?!

(more gently):
I mean...

(in sing-song):
Coming.

Friendly disposition.

But don't you want
to sign first?

(ringing and pounding
continue)

I can't sign
with all that banging.

Who is it?!

(chuckling)

So, once we have
this house,

should we sell
the hideout?

Why not keep the hideout
for weekends?

Good idea.

DR. HARDWICK:
So the report I
thought was about you

was actually about this
patient of the vet's.

Oh!

Let go! Let go!

You crab!

You're both quite healthy.

But you can see
why, when I read
this report,

I thought you might be
a little too, um, crabby.

My report was mixed up with a
crab's and you didn't notice?

Mmm... no.

So I don't have to have
a cheerful disposition anymore?

Well, there are
many benefits

to being cheerful,
but you don't have to.

Wait. Helen and Martha
want to tell you something

about those men.

I'll be right out.

(thumping and banging inside)

DEMSON:
Go! Go! Go!

We were so close.

What happened?

Did you see the marks your dirty
shoes made on my floor?

Get a muffler!

And slow down!

So, what did you want
to tell me about them?

Never mind.

You can all go home now
and leave me alone.

Bye.

Well, if the crab's happy, this
worked out well for everyone.

I knew there was no reason
to change my personality.

I'm perfect just the way I am.

Ahh...

DEMSON:
Don't step on the grass!

Oh!

Off! Off!

Hey, check out this song.

(hip hop b*at)

SINGERS:
♪ Come on! Your mood! ♪

TRUMAN:
♪ It's how you feel
from time to time ♪

♪ Your mood! ♪

♪ Cheerful, grumpy
or just fine ♪

♪ Sometimes you're miserable,
sometimes you shine ♪

♪ Your mood! ♪

♪ Come on, tell me your mood ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Grumpy ♪

♪ Cheerful ♪

♪ Glum ♪

♪ Amiable ♪

♪ Shy ♪

♪ Yeah! Your mood! ♪

♪ It's how you feel
from time to time ♪

♪ Your mood! ♪

♪ Glum, distracted, or sublime ♪

♪ Sometimes you're cranky,
sometimes you're kind ♪

♪ Your mood! ♪

♪ Come on! Tell me your mood ♪

♪ Your mood! ♪

♪ Your mood! ♪

Did you catch all
of the astounding words

in today's show?

Let's hear some of them again.

My disposition means the way
I usually act or feel.

Personality means what kind of
person you are and how you act.

Someone who is amiable
is friendly or pleasant.

"Charity" just means
it's for a good cause.

If you like what you see,

we hope that you will
contribute after the show.

And by "contribute," I mean
that you can give us money

to support our school.

Bye!

♪ Who's that dog? ♪

♪ Who's
that dog? ♪

♪ Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. ♪

That dog is Casey.

My name is Jasper.

My name is Rhea.

And this is Casey.

Casey works for my dad.

My dad's a farmer.

She helps on the farm.

Yes.

RHEA:
A farm is a place
where people grow food.

JASPER:
She's a farmer's helper
that's a dog.

But I don't think
she gets paid, like,

in dog money or human money.

She'd probably eat
the human money.

She catches mice
and voles and...

And rabbits.

JASPER:
She scares away birds.

(barks)

BOTH:
Casey is very smart.

JASPER:
Casey learned to not walk
in the beds.

A bed is a area.

It's full of plants.

Sometimes she'll work
and sometimes she'll play.

(kids giggling)

♪ She's that dog... ♪
♪ Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. ♪