04x08 - Martha Acts Up/Ronald Is In

[bunniefuu]

MAN:
♪ Martha was an average dog ♪

♪ She went... and... and... ♪
(barking, growls)

♪ When she ate
some alphabet soup ♪

♪ Then what happened
was bizarre... ♪

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

♪ She's got a lot to say ♪

♪ Now she speaks... ♪

How now, brown cow?

♪ Martha speaks ♪

♪ Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks ♪

♪ And speaks and speaks... ♪

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

♪ Martha speaks... ♪

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

♪ She's not always right, but
still that Martha speaks... ♪

Hi, there.

♪ She's got the voice,
she's ready to shout ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ That dog's unique... ♪

Testing, one, two.

♪ Hear her speak ♪

♪ Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... ♪

♪ Communicates, enumerates,
elucidates, exaggerates ♪

♪ Indicates and explicates ♪

♪ Bloviates and overstates
and... ♪

(panting)

♪ Hyperventilates! ♪

♪ Martha-- to reiterate--
Martha speaks. ♪

Oh, hey.

You probably shouldn't watch
today's show.

It's full of these really hard
words like "psychology,"

which means, uh...

Well, you'll find out
if you watch the show.

But do not watch the show.

It's all about stuff to do
with the mind.

Mental stuff.

And all the words
are really hard.

They're like "instinct,"
"motivation."

Trust me, you do not want
to see this episode

(computer crashes)
and it has nothing to do with
what happens to me in it.

(gasps)

Mom is so going to ground me.

What's the only thing
worse than a cat?

(chuckles)

Two cats.

(Martha laughing,
others howling)

Martha!

I'm so glad
I found you.

You're just the dog I need.

I'm directing a musical
at the school

and I have a part for you.

For me?

Yes, you'll be perfect.

Anyway, gotta dash.

I'll send Ronald over
with the script.

Rehearsals start tomorrow
after school.

See you then.

She didn't tell you

what the show is?

No, but do you know
what this means?

(barks a question)

No, it doesn't mean

they can't get anyone else
to sign up.

It means she thinks
I'm really talented.

Maybe she thinks
I could be a star.

I wonder what she
wants me to be.

I could be anything.

♪ I'm a happy little orphan ♪

♪ Or a brilliant flying ace ♪

♪ Or a witch who flies
on broomsticks! ♪

♪ Please don't look me
in the face! ♪

♪ I'm a merdog ♪

♪ Look at me ♪

♪ Just a little merdog,
livin' in the sea ♪

♪ She's a merdog ♪

♪ Livin' in the sea ♪

♪ Just a little merdog,
happy as can be. ♪

(doorbell rings)

That's him!

My mother told me
to bring you this.

Thanks, Ronald.

Martha can't wait
to find out what part she got.

Martha?!

What's the matter?

What's wrong with Nelson?

He should have that part,
not her.

Nelson?

Nelson can't talk.

He's just a normal cat.

A real cat!

It's totally unfair.

I'm going to talk
to my mom about this.

She wants me to play WHAT?!

Martha, it's not bad.

Not bad?!

It's unheard of!

It's "Alice in Wonderland."

The Cheshire Cat
is a great part.

And you have a song.

A cat song.

(mocking):
"Meow-meow-meow-meow-meow.

"Everybody look at me,
I'm a cat.

I think I'm the boss
of the world."

(laughing)

But you played a bull
last time, remember?

That's what actors do.

They portray something
they're not.

Portray?

Yeah, portray.

It means when you play a part
in a play or movie.

Like Carlo portrays a heroic
collie on his TV show,

but he's really
just a regular dog.

At least he plays a dog.

(laughing)
Quit it!

It's not that funny,
you know.

Martha, the Cheshire Cat
is just a character.

A character is just a person
or, in this case, an animal

in a play or a book.

Actors portray characters
that are different from them

all the time.

Well, I'm sorry,
I just can't do it.

I have principles.

And this dog will never
portray a cat!

That's fine, dear.

Oh. You're agreeing
awfully quickly.

I just thought it would be fun,

but if you don't want to do it,
we'll just use Nelson.

Ronald?

Wait! Shh!

No, wait!

RONALD (in distance):
What...?

You want to use Nelson?

As the Cheshire Cat?

Well, he is a cat.

And Ronald can say his lines
from offstage.

Oh, that won't look good.

I don't think that
will look good.

What is it?

Oh, Ronald, I was just...

Okay, okay, I'll do it!

Martha, did you quit
the play?

Quit? Me? Never!

All right, do we have
the actors here

for the Cheshire Cat scene?

Me! I'm here.

Great.

Can we try your song first?

Just to make sure
it's in your key.

♪ Cats are crazy,
we're all mad ♪

♪ And you can take it from me
because the Cheshire Cat is ♪

♪ The craziest cat
there ever was! ♪

(barks and howls)

MRS. BOXWOOD:
Hold it. Hang on.

Martha,
that's a good start,

but you're acting more
like a dog than a cat.

Aw, thanks.

But... but the character
is a cat, remember?

But the Cheshire Cat's
a cool cat, right?

So maybe he's more like
a dog than a cat.

What do you think?

Nelson knows how to act
like a cat.

He could do this part.

Ronald, please.

If you're going to portray
a cat, Martha,

you need to be very catlike.

You have to convince us
that you're a cat.

You don't think if people see
a big singing cat,

they'll all want
their money back?

Um, no.

Before our next rehearsal,

I'd love it if you could spend
a little time observing cats.

Find out what motivates them.

Motivates them?

Someone's motivation

is what makes them act
the way they do.

Uh... they're cats?

They stink and they're selfish?

Well...

They stare into space
like zombies,

and then, for variety, they yack
up a fur ball on the furniture?

Martha, listen.

If you're going
to portray a cat,

you have to understand
cat psychology.

You have to know what cats
are thinking and feeling.

What's their motivation?

I'm sure if you want to, you
can be a very convincing cat.

RONALD:
Ruff, ruff, ruff!

I'm thirsty.
Where's the toilet?

(kids laughing)

I'm going to show them!

I'm going to be the best darn
cat a dog has ever been.

I believe you.

You do?
Sure.

I wish I believed me.

How am I ever going to figure
out cat psychology?

Yeah. Psychology.

It means what's going on
in their minds,

like what they think
or how they feel.

I don't know about psychology,
but I know someone

who can teach you to act
like a cat.

(mewing)

Kitten!

See, I told you
you knew someone.

No time for fun, Kitten.

I'm here on business.

Look at that!

He's keeping all four paws
in a straight line.

(meows)

Okay. Here goes nothing.

Whoa... yike!

What's next?

(meows)

Want me to jump up there?

On that narrow railing?

(meows and purrs)

Okay, I'll try.

(grunting)

I made it!

I...

Whoa!

(meows)

MARTHA:
I'm okay!

What sort of people live
about here?

In that direction
lives a Hatter,

and in that direction
lives a March Hare.

Visit either if you like.

They're both mad.

And by mad, I mean crazy.

Oh, but I don't want to go
among mad people.

Oh, you can't help that.

We're all mad here.

I'm mad, you're mad...

How do you know I'm mad?

You must be, or you
wouldn't have come here.

And how do you know
you're mad?

I'm glad you asked.

MRS. BOXWOOD:
Wonderful, Martha!

Great job!

You must have been
taking lessons.

Ah, well, I have one friend
who's a (cough) cat.

Well, keep up
the good work.

All right,
do we have our actors

for the mad tea party?

Yup! Here!

Was I really okay?

You were great.

Hold still.

MARTHA:
Yeah, but I want
to be perfect.

(softly):
Oh, you'll be perfect,
all right.

Perfectly ridiculous.

(laughing evilly)

Sorry, what did you say?

Um, nothing.
Gotta run.

(barking playfully)

Martha, are you sure
you don't want to play?

Helen, cats don't fetch.

And remember, call me "Kitty."

(sighs)

Sorry, Kitty.

From now until the show opens,
I am % cat.

(chittering)

(barking excitedly)

I guess some instincts are
just too strong to control.

(laughs evilly)

Perfect!

(dogs woofing)

I can't talk to you.

I don't talk to smelly,
dopey dogs.

(other dogs growling)

(barking)

Perfect.

Martha! Time to come in!

Martha!

Martha, why aren't
you answering me?

My name is Kitty.

(groans)

Kitty, it's time to come in now.

Now what?

Helen, you know cats don't
come when they're called.

Martha...

Okay, okay, I'm coming.

(cage banging,
squirrel chittering)

Tomorrow is the big day, Skits.

MARTHA and RONALD:
I can't wait.

All right, this is it!

Everyone ready?

Okay. Break a leg!

(kids cheering)

MRS. BOXWOOD:
Alice followed the white rabbit
down the rabbit hole

and soon found herself falling
and falling.

I wonder how many miles I've
fallen by this time.

I must be getting somewhere near
the center of the Earth.

Oh, I hope I don't
forget my lines.

You'll be great.

You've rehearsed it
a hundred times.

What could go wrong?

(whistling)

(Martha sniffs)
Hmm. That's funny.

What?

I thought I smelled a s...
oh, never mind.

Just nerves, I guess.

Martha, get ready,
you're almost on.

Break a leg!

Here goes.

Oh, where am I?

If only I knew which
direction to go.

May I help you?

The Cheshire Cat!

Can you tell me which way
I ought to go from here?

That depends on where
you want to get to.

I don't much care where.

Then it doesn't much matter
which way you go.

(audience laughs)

And how do you know
you're mad?

I'm glad you asked.

(music begins)

♪ A dog wags
when he's happy ♪

♪ And growls
when he's mad ♪

♪ I wag when I'm angry ♪

♪ And growl when I'm glad! ♪

It's called purring.

Call it what you like.

♪ Cats are crazy ♪

♪ We're all mad ♪

♪ And you can take it
from me ♪

♪ Because the Cheshire Cat ♪

♪ Is the craziest cat
there ever was. ♪

Watch this, Nelson.

This is using psychology.

(squirrel chittering)

(screams)

♪ We're all extremely bored ♪

♪ You call
but we don't care... ♪

(Ronald yelling,
squirrel chittering)

♪ You bought a nice new
scratching post ♪

♪ But I'd rather
use the chair. ♪

RONALD:
Get it out! Get it out!

(laughing)

Help me! Whoa! Whoa!

Too bad I'm not a dog.

I'd love to chase that.

(laughter)
Now where were we?

Oh, right.

♪ Because the Cheshire Cat ♪

♪ Is the craziest cat ♪

♪ There ever was! ♪

Whoo!

(applause)

Hey, check out this song!

TRUMAN:
Man, I wish I could do that.

♪ If there's something you want
in the worst possible way ♪

♪ It's all you think about,
you work for it all day ♪

♪ Well, you've got motivation ♪

♪ Won't take a vacation ♪

♪ Because there's something
you're excited about ♪

♪ You won't stop because
you're going all out ♪

♪ Motivation ♪

♪ It gets your heart a-racin' ♪

♪ You want to make the track
team, win a race ♪

♪ Make all "A"s to see
your mother's face. ♪

♪ ♪

I did it!

(sniffing)

Hey, what's the hurry?

We're rushing past a lot
of really good smells.

We want to get
to the used book sale

before Truman takes
all the good ones,

the way he does every year.

(Truman grunting)

Hi.

What?
What did I do?

Truman, did you leave any books
for the rest of us?

Sorry-- I like to buy in bulk.

Oh, well.

There's always next year.

Would you like to look
through the used books I got

to see if there's anything
you want to borrow?

Sure.

Great.

Now, maybe you can
help me get these home.

Oh, no!

Hmm.

Aha!

"My First Book of Wagon Repair."

(sniffing)

Let me know if you find
any books on bacon.

Or books with bacon on them.

What's wrong, TD?

Somebody wiped out the entire
used book sale at the library.

All I could find was this
boring book about grass.

Who cares about grass?

I like to roll in it.

And eat it.

Me, too.

But I don't want
to read about it.

Well, look through these.

I'm letting everyone
pick out books to borrow.

Oh! You got some
Curious Crystal Capers.

I love Curious Crystal.

Nice! This one's
about extreme sports.

(grunts)

Um, maybe I should choose
something

a little less dangerous.

A book about moss.

Cool!

Hey, Ronald.

Want to borrow any
of the used books

I got at the library?

Got any for smart people?

I don't want

some baby book.

Ronald has a bad attitude
about books that are too easy.

Your attitude is the way you
feel about something, right?

MARTHA:
Yeah.

And I have a great attitude
toward bacon.

So keep looking for bacon books.

This textbook looks hard.

"Psychology."

The study of the human mind.

That sounds way smarter
than some storybook.

Thanks.

Ooh, this one's
about seaweed!

Isn't seaweed basically grass
that grows in the ocean?

What's your point?

(both sigh)

Could you pass the jam?

Grape or strawberry?

Doesn't matter.

What was that?

I said...
it doesn't matter?

Hmm. Interesting.

"Can't make decisions."

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Just diagnosing you.

Diagnosing me?

When you diagnose someone,

you try to find out
what problems they have.

In this case, mental problems,

since psychology
is all about the mind.

And according to this,
you could have

a very bad mental condition.

If you have a condition,

that means you might have
something wrong with you.

I know what a condition is.

I don't have one!

Okay, but according
to this book,

it sounds like you do have a
classic case of decideophobia.

(to herself):
Decideophobia?

(in distance):
It could be really,
really bad!

You're going to love
these Curious Crystal Capers.

Which one do you want
to start with?

The Sighing Portrait Caper?

That's a good one.

The Ancient Pilgrim Caper

or there's
The Creepy Carnival Caper.

Go ahead.
They're all good.

Just decide.

Decide.

(echoing):
Decide... decide... decide...

(screaming)

Huh?

Hey, Ronald, is Alice here?

Why?

We came over to see if she
wanted to go to the park.

Is she feeling okay?

Oh, she's fine.

Aside from a severe case

of decideophobia, that is.

Decide-o...?

You, on the other hand...

What?

Sounds like you might be

in the early stages
of acute worryitis.

Worryitis?

Is that bad?

RONALD:
According to psychology,

being too worried is
a bad condition to have.

Knock it off, Skits.

Looks like
you're worried

about what Skits eats.

Well, yeah.

He's my dog.

What are you doing?

Oh, nothing.

Just making a diagnosis.

Hmm, "Bacon, a Memoir."

I'll have to let Martha know.

Hey, thanks for letting me
borrow the psychology book.

No problem.

You got any more books
on psychology?

I'm learning
about mental conditions.

I'm not sure.

I can tell you once I'm
done alphabetizing them.

Alphabetizing, huh?

Putting them
in alphabetical order.

Hmm.

I like to keep
them organized.

Why?

Arrange-o-mania?

What's that?

Well, according
to the psychology book,

it isn't good
to be too organized.

It isn't?

Nope.

If your brain
becomes too focused

on making one thing perfect,

you forget
about everything else.

See ya.

Mmm, I did let that grilled
cheese get cold

when I was organizing.

Arrange-o-mania!

Decideophobia!

Do I really worry too much?

You sound worried.

Hmm...

Martha's right.

I'm worried that I'm worried.

Oh, my gosh, I'm worrying
that I'm worried!

This is bad.

Hey, Alice.

Is something the matter?

I can't decide if I should
jump over this puddle

or go around it.

You should jump over it.

This one's definitely
a jumper.

Thanks, TD!

Hey, since you're in
a decision-making mood,

should I have pudding for
dessert tonight or yogurt?

Oh, definitely yogurt.

You sure?
Yup.

(muddy squishing)

Ooh!

Thanks for letting me
borrow this, Truman.

Now I know everything
there is to know about moss.

Hey, TD.

How much time do you put
into being organized?

Time being organized-- hmm.

Let me think.

I'd have to say none.

I tried being organized once.

Didn't do much for me.

Hay!

Something wrong?

No, it's a book about Hay.

Mind if I borrow it?

Go ahead.

Cool,
thanks.

(bike bell rings)

I've been really worried
about bacon lately.

I'm worried I'm
not getting enough.

I hope I don't
have worryitis.

I'm worried because
I spent all night worrying

about being worried.

Talk about worryitis!

TD:
Can you make
seaweed flavor?

Hey, Helen, did you know

that seaweed
of the Porphyra genus

is an excellent source
of vitamins and minerals?

No.

Uh, did you know your
shirt's on backwards?

Eh, I'm not worried
about it.

Mmm.

Hi, TD.

Hey.

Oh... hi, Alice.

For a second, I thought
you were TD.

Your hair looks different.

Hmm, did you know
that moss usually grows

on deciduous trees

because the bark
is less acidic?

Uh...

(grunting)

Hey, Truman.
I've been looking for you.

What's that?

Oh, I started
collecting junk.

Like TD?

Uh-huh.

I got these great broken
salt-and-pepper shakers

that look like parrots!

Ah, nice.

But actually I was coming by
to get that book about bacon.

My mouth is watering
just thinking about it.

Um... it might take me
a while to find it.

I de-alphabetized my books

and mixed them in with
my new junk collection.

(gasps)

Oh, look!

A rock shaped like
a Triceratops!

I'm telling you,
it was really weird.

Alice and Truman didn't seem
like themselves at all.

I'm not worried about it.

Wouldn't it be great
if they made books

you could read
just by smelling them?

Uh...

Is your shirt
on backwards?

Mind if I join you?

Hi, guys.

Hey.

ALL:
Hey.

Hey, wouldn't it
be great

if they made books
that you could read

just by smelling them?

Yeah...

(humming)

(others humming)

You're... you're all TD!

Well, I do have to admit

that I've been trying to
emulate TD's attitude lately.

Emulate?

Yeah, when you emulate someone,

that means you act
just like they do

because you want to be
like them.

I've been trying to emulate

TD's attitude
toward things, too.

And I guess I've
been emulating TD.

But why?

Why are you all emulating TD?

That doesn't make any sense.

Makes perfect sense
to me.

What are you doing?

I decided to emulate Martha.

Why?

What did Ronald tell you?

Nothing.

It just seemed like fun.

Okay, I'm done now.

ALICE:
I decided to emulate TD

because Ronald diagnosed me
with severe decideophobia.

What can I get you?

The same as yesterday,
please.

You guys?

Same thing.

It's funny.

"Phobia" means you're
scared of something.

But I've never heard
of a condition

called decideophobia.

Well, anyway, decideophobia
doesn't sound that bad.

Not compared to worryitis.

Worryitis?

That's what
he told you?

What's the matter?

Well, I haven't read
any psychology books,

but worryitis sounds
a little fishy to me.

What did he say
you had, Truman?

Arrange-o-mania.

But now that
I think about it...

Yogurt!

(all cheer)

ALL:
Yuck!

Mmm...

Rich, delicious,
seaweed-y yogurt.

We need a dictionary.

ALICE:
Aha!

What do you want?

We just want to have
a look at that book.

Well, you can't.
It's mine.

Well, actually...

It's Truman's book,
Ronald.

Hand it over.

Believe me, you won't be
able to understand this.

It's way hard.

We just want to read
about our conditions.

Yeah, 'cause we brought this!

A dictionary!

Why?

Because according
to the dictionary,

there's no such thing
as worryitis.

Or decideophobia.

Or arrange-o-mania.

Okay, okay, just get
that thing out of my face.

Why did you make up
all those conditions?

Because I'm concerned about you?

Ronald, did you
even read that book?

Uh...

that is....
(hemming and hawing)

No.

(sighs)

Now I know why
nobody read it!

It was full
of insanely big words.

Nobody could read it.

Hmm. Sounds like you have
a mild case

of insecurititus.

What is that?

Look it up.

Aw, forget it.

You try and read it.

Very disturbing behavior.

He should try emulating
one of us.

Oh, well.

I think I'll get back
to alphabetizing my books.

You can have
this one back.

You finished it already?

No. I was halfway
through chapter three

when I realized it's in German.

Huh? What?

Uh... never mind.

Hi, Ronald.

Hi, Ronald.

Why are you mimicking me?

Why are you mimicking me?

What?

No, you're mimicking me.

That means you're
acting just like me.

No, you're mimicking me.

That means you're acting
just like me.

Don't you know that it's rude
to be a mimic?

Don't you know that
it's rude to be a mimic?

Mmm. Good grass.

Delicious!

If I do say so myself.

Hey, no fair!

Hey, no fair!

Stop mimicking me.

Stop mimicking me.

(groaning)

(chomping)

There's nothing that can
mimic grass this delicious.

I hope you were smart and did
not watch the show.

If you didn't, here's a few
of the words you missed.

Psychology.

It means what's going on
in their minds,

like what they think
or how they feel.

Someone's motivation is what
makes them act the way they do.

When you diagnose someone,

you try to find out

what problems they have.

When you emulate someone,

that means you act
just like they do

because you want to be
like them.

See you next time.

♪ Who's that dog? ♪

♪ Who's
that dog? ♪

♪ Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. ♪

That dog is Cameo.

Come on, Cam.

My name is Mark.

Cameo is an agility dog.

An agility course is made
for training.

Cameo is good at agility

because she's very, very, very,
very, very intelligent.

I think I should show you
how good she is.

Let's have some fun.

♪ ♪

At Canine University, my mom
helps people train their dogs.

I suggest that you go there.

(laughs)

This sequence
is jump, tip it.

Okay.

Jump!

Tip it!

She is very, very, very,
very, very, very, very,

very, very, very wonderful.

♪ She's that dog... ♪
♪ Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. ♪

To dig up some more fun words
and games, visit pbskids.org

or check out your local library
for the "Martha Speaks" books.