02x10 - The High Life/Best Friends

[bunniefuu]

MAN: Here we go.
HELGA: Arnold.

(YOWLING)
(BARKING)

Hey, Arnold!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(CRASHING)

(SCREAMS)

Hey, Arnold!

Arnold.

Arnold.

(SIREN WAILING)
Arnold.

Arnold.

Move it, football head!

ALL: Hey, Arnold!

Arnold, would you look
at those beautiful blades.

I'd do anything to get 'em.

Advanced break technology,
galvanized traction,

adjustable
dual density wheels.

Cool. Uh, what exactly
does all that mean?

I have no idea.

But Arnold, they're
the best blades
that money can buy.

So how are you
gonna pay for it?
Look at this.

ARNOLD: "Earn big bucks
selling the Super Duper
Wacko Watch"?

This is it, Arnold.

Aren't those
earn-big-bucks ads kind
of a rip-off, Gerald?

That Super Duper
Wacko Watch

is my ticket
to the best blades
in the neighborhood.

So all you have to do
is co-sign this, Dad,

and I can start
making money.

MARTIN: Are you sure
you can handle
this kind of responsibility?

Wouldn't you rather
mow lawns
or deliver newspapers?

No, Dad, that's small change.

I could earn big dollars,
selling watches.

Yeah, but watches?
I don't know, Gerald.

It's hard work
to be a salesman.

Look, Dad, you gotta
give your son some
growing room.

Well, it would be good
if you learned the value
of a dollar.

You gonna handle this
responsibly?

No problemo, Dad.
Okay.

Martin Johanssen.

Gerald Martin Johanssen.

And it's
completely waterproof!

Who would like to put one
in this t*nk here

and see if it still works?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Me, me. Stinky does.

Gee willikers,
it's still ticking!

It's also
completely indestructible.

Sir, why don't you try
hitting a watch with this?

(ERNIE GRUNTS)

(ALL GASPING)

Looks like you'll be selling
Wacko jigsaw puzzles
from now on, Geraldo.

You would be correct, Ma'am,

if that was a real
Wacko Watch.

Now, Mr. Potts,

why don't you try hitting
the genuine article?

(CLANGS)
Huh?

(ALL GASP)

(INDISINCT CHATTERING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(TELEPHONE RINGING)
MAN: Wacko.

GERALD: Um, this is
Gerald Johanssen, Sir.

Look, I'll be needing
another shipment.

MR. WACKO: So soon?
Oh, well, congratulations.

You've earned admission
to our golden circle,

which is reserved
for our best salesmen.

And you are clearly
one of our best.

GERALD: Thanks a lot,
Mr. Wacko.

I wouldn't say it
if I didn't believe it
with all my heart.

So, Mr. Golden Circle,

now you'll automatically
get boxes of Wacko
Watches weekly,

delivered right
to your house.
Really?

I mean, I have to talk
it over with my people.

But it sounds like
a solid idea to me, Sir.

MR. WACKO: Well, keep up
the good work, son.

Remember,
there are no challenges,
just opportunities.

(BEEPS)

Yes.

(CHUCKLES)

Another one born
every minute.

He'll get himself
in a hole

and his parents will have
to bail him out,

just like all the others.
(LAUGHING)

(SHOP BELL RINGS)

(BABY CRYING)

(COOING)

(CRYING)

GERALD: You know that
computer I'm talking about.

It's got a modem
with the internet access

and an alarm clock.

Yeah, that's it.
I want it in red.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Hold on.

It's my other line.

(BEEPS)
GM.

No, I told you
I wanted to talk
to the company's president!

Not some senior executive VP.
(CREAKING)

(TELEPHONE BEEPS)

MARTIN: Gerald.
(KNOCKS AT DOOR)

(CRANKING DOORKNOB)
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

MARTIN: Gerald!

I gotta talk to you
for a second.

(STAMMERING) Come in.

Hey, Daddy, what's shakin'?

Well, it's about
these watches.
I'm sorry, Daddy,

I told you,
no family discounts.

I'm covered, Gerald.

Listen, this business of yours
is getting out of hand.

Daddy, I appreciate
your concern,

but everything's,
you know, uh, copacetic.

Listen, I wish
we could talk more,

but it's sort of
a bad time for me,
so here's a card.

Call me later in the week.

B-- Business cards?

When did you get
business cards?

And what's this phone number?

I kinda need my own line...
you know, don't want the
family phone tied up, do you?

Gerald!
Ooh.

If I don't hustle,
I'mma be late
for my three o'clock.

I gotta see a man
about some skates.

I'll catch you around
on the re-round, Daddy.

Hey, kid, I like your face.

Wow, thanks.

Gerald!

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(LASERS f*ring)

(BEEPING)

It is all
on me, boys.

Eat, drink and be merry!

(CHEERING)

Uh, this should cover it.

Okay. No problem.

All I have to do is find
some new customers.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

(COMPUTER BEEPING)
(TYPING)

(SHOP BELL RINGS)

(SHOP BELL RINGS)

(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Hey, Gerald.

Hey, Arnold.
Bad day, huh?

Well, I've had better ones.

Anything I can
do to help?

Yeah, buy all the rest
of my watches.

Uh, anything a little
less expensive?

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Uh, don't worry,
tomorrow will be better.

Yeah, and you only have
a few hundred watches
left to sell.

Yeah, thank goodness
for that.

Another week's worth
of watches for you
to sell, Mr. Johanssen.

(GROANS)

Man, selling all these watches
is gonna be a challenge.

No challenges, Arnold,
just opportunities.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

DELIVERY BOY:
Sorry, I forgot one.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Oh, man. What am I
gonna do now?

You can sell these watches.
You're a great salesman.

Arnold, if I'm so great,

why am I surrounded
by all these watches
I can't sell?

Look at this!

Look, the only reason
you can't sell them a watch

is because you saturated
the market.

So what am I gonna do
now, smart guy?

Calm down, Gerald.
I have an idea.
(SOBBING)

You're gonna
sell those watches

and you're gonna sell them all
to one person.

To who, Arnold? To who?

MR. WACKO: Yeah, these kids
are such suckers,

there's no way you can't
make money off of them.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Gotta go, Crenshaw.
I'll call you back.
(BEEPS)

Uh, yeah, come in.

Mr. Wacko,
I'm Gerald Johanssen.

I just came by to tell you
what a great product you have.

Really? What's your angle?

(LAUGHS)
Oh, there is no angle.

With Wacko Watches,
you don't need an angle.

They practically
sell themselves.

In fact, the demand
has been so high,

I've actually raised
my prices three times.

You're kidding.

I kid you not.

I can't believe you've been
selling Wacko Watches
so cheap!

Hmm.

It's true, I haven't raised
my prices in years.

I supposed I could up
my wholesale price

and maybe even double
my income.

(LAUGHS) At least
probably triple it.

And why don't you try
a new ad campaign
while you're at it?

Something like,
"Only a wacko
doesn't own a Wacko."

I like it.

"Only a wacko
doesn't own a Wacko."

Hey, uh, wait a minute.

If I'm gonna expand,

I'm gonna need
a lot more watches.

And I can't get a new shipment
from the factory
until next month.

Gee, that's just too bad.

You should've
been smart like me
and stockpiled your supply.

I must have, uh,
30, 40 crates of watches.

Thirty or 40 crates?

Hey, listen, kid.

What do you say
you sell me back some
of those watches?

I don't know.

Why should I sell
my watches back to you

when I can get triple
the price on the street?

Come on, kid,
you gotta do it, please?

I'll pay you double

what you paid me.

Hmm.

Mr. Wacko,
you got yourself a deal.

Oh, great, great, great.
I'll take 'em all.

Arnold, I did it.
I'm indeed a master salesman.

So, what
are you gonna do
with all the money?

Well, first...
MARTIN: Hey, GM.

Glad to see you.
Oh, hey, Dad.

How's business, son?

Oh, fine. What's up?

Well, we have a few
money matters to take care of.

Uh, sure. What do you need?

Let's see here.

There's the bill
for your new phone line...

No problem.

The beeper...
Fine.

The bill for your
fax machine...
Fine.

And your business card.
Okay.

Good to see you learned
the value of a dollar, son.

(SIGHS) One dollar.

After selling
all those watches.

Man, making money
is expensive.

Hey, Gerald,
do you like my face?

Huh? Oh, yeah, sure.

Thank you.

So how are you gonna
get those blades again?

If Harold can finish
this last piece of fudge,

it proves a kid can eat
seven pounds of chocolate

and not explode or nothing.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

Ugh, I've swallowed it.
(GROANS)

(ALL CHEERING)

No problem, Rhonda.
Our presentation
will be better.

Way better.

Boys, thank you
for your presentation.

Your fudge project
was very uniquely you.

Harold, would you like to go
to the nurse's office
and lie down?

(HAROLD RETCHES)

(BELL RINGS)
Oh, it's lunchtime,
boys and girls.

Okay, who'll be
Uniquely You on Friday?

Nadine, Rhonda, Arnold,
aren't you the next trio?

Yeah, we're working on it,
Mr. Simmons.

Glad my
presentation is over.

Being uniquely you with Helga,
man, that was humiliating.

Yeah, it was.

I'm glad I got Rhonda
and Nadine as partners.

They always get along.

Thanks, Nadine. Want my
chocolate pudding snack?

Oh, I've got it.

Let's tell Arnold we're doing
a fashion review
from the '60s.

You know, eyeliner,
white lipstick
and little pillbox hats.

Don't you love it?

Not really.

I wanna do a project
on the Malaysian beetle.
It's amazing.

You can let it go,
wait for it
to catch something,

and then
take pictures. Look.

Ew!

I can't believe you, Nadine.
That's disgusting.

Get it away from my food.

It's not disgusting,
it's part of nature.

That's not nature.
Nature's beautiful.
(BUZZING)

That's a hideous bug.

It's not a bug,
it's a beetle.

You don't even know
the different between a bug
and a Malaysian beetle?

(LAUGHING)

Well, who cares
what the difference is,
they're all equally gross.

Anyway, we're doing
the fashion review,

so just forget about it.

But I wanna do
an insect report.

Well, you get
to pick next time.

This time, we're doing
a fashion review.

You always get to pick

and we always end up
playing supermodels.
It's not fair.

You don't even care
what I like, Nadine.

I don't even know why
I'm best friends with you.

Then don't be
best friends with me.

I'll do my bug report
with Arnold.
We don't need you.

Oh, yeah?
How's Arnold gonna do that?

He's doing the fashion
show with me,

and without you.

No, he's working with me,

and you'll be
totally left out.

I will not.
Yes, you will.

Hey, when do we start?

I'm not speaking
to Nadine anymore.

Not ever.

So you and I are gonna
do a presentation
all by ourselves, Arnold.

Wait...
Not fair!

I said we're
ex-best friends first.

So, Arnold,
you and me will work
together, okay? Okay.

But what do you mean?
That's two projects.

Wait, I can't...

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

Okay, Arnold, I'll come
to your house at 3:00,

and I'll bring
all my magazines.

We'll make a big chart.
Just you and me.
But...

Okay, see you then.

Okay, then I'll meet you
at 4:00 at City Lake,

and we'll take slime
samples, okay?

But I...
Okay.

You and me, Arnold.

Great, now I'm doing
two projects.

One with Rhonda
and one with Nadine.

This is bad news, Arnold.

You're gonna end up
right in the middle
of their fight.

ARNOLD: They're
best friends, Gerald.

This whole thing
will blow over
by tomorrow.

GERALD: Whatever
you say, Arnold.

ARNOLD:
I'm telling you, Rhonda,

I don't really know
anything about fashion.

Hmm, okay. Tell me this.

Do red and orange
go together?

Uh...
Of course not.

You know that
and I know that.

But try to tell that
to Nadine,

she doesn't listen.

Rhonda, maybe
you two should...

Nadine's been wearing
her hair the same way
since she was four years old.

Can you believe that?

Well, I'm sure she...
She does it on purpose.

Just to annoy me.

I'd be happy
to style her hair,
but no, she won't let me.

Hand me your
scissors, Arnold.

I mean, Nadine
is too dumb to understand

that fashion is what makes
people different
from animals.

We have the ability
to create and redefine
our own self-image.

Show me a beetle
who's that smart, Arnold.

show me even one.

NADINE: Just look
at him, Arnold.
Isn't he magnificent?

Insects were here
before we were, Arnold,

and will be here
long after we're gone.

They're practically
our landlords.

So, about our
project, Nadine.

One time, I found
an egg sack from a spider,

it was so beautiful.

I showed it to Rhonda,
and she'd thought
I sneezed in my hand.

(SIGHS)

Hey, Arnold.
Hey, Gerald.

Are they best friends yet?

All they did was talk about
how stupid the other one is.

So what now, Sherlock?

I don't know.
Tomorrow's another day.

Maybe they'll come
to their senses.

Hi, Arnold.
Hi, Rhonda.

Wow, is this all
for our project?

No, this is all
Nadine's stuff.

I can't stand
looking at this plaque.

Tell her she can keep
the whole box.

But Rhonda, why don't you
give it to her?

I'm not speaking to her. Ever.

You can give them to her
when she comes over.

But Rhonda, our project.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Come in.
Hi, Arnold.

Hi, Nadine.

Hey, um, Rhonda was just here
with something for you.

What a coincidence.
This is for her.

I lined my tarantula's cage
with all her fashion drawings.

Tell her she can
have them back.

All she has to do
is stick her hand
inside the cage.

Ha! Bye, Arnold.
Nadine...

Great.

(SCRATCHING)

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

(BEEPS)
Hello?

RHONDA: I can't
stand it anymore.

Rhonda, you already
told me the story.

RHONDA: Oh, yeah?
Yes, you did.

Stacy doll, Christmas eve.
Nadine cut off all her hair.

See? I remember.
Good night, Rhonda.

(PHONE BEEPS)

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

(BEEPS)
Hello?

NADINE: Hi, Arnold.
Nadine.

I thought you went to bed.

NADINE: Not really.
Try counting backwards.

I did.

I counted all of Rhonda's
stupid birthday parties

back to the time
when we were four.

We wanted to dress up
as princesses.
(PHONE BEEPS)

Hang on, Nadine.
I got someone
on the other line.

I knew it.
You're talking to her,
aren't you, Arnold?

What is she saying
about me?

You know, I just kept
hearing this beep sound,

and I know you were
on the other line with her.

Just chatting away,
talking behind my back,
aren't you?

Nadine was always jealous.

She's jealous,
isn't she, Arnold?

(SCOFFS) I just...

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

The ball missed me?
It missed me?

GERALD: You okay, Arnold?

I can't play, I'm too tired.

Rhonda and Nadine
kept calling me all night.

I told you not to get
in the middle of those two.

But did you listen? No.

It's Arnold,
the problem-solver.

Arnold, the ambassador.

Arnold, Papa Theresa.

It missed me!
It missed me!

It... Ow!

I'm okay.

Gerald, I have to help
them work it out.

They've been
best friends forever,
as long as you and me.

Okay, okay,
I see your point.

So let's figure this out.

Where were they
when they started to fight?

It was at lunch, Tuesday.

Okay, so, uh, who was
sitting at the table Tuesday?

Well, there was Harold
and Stinky.

Do you remember anything

that Rhonda and Nadine
said that day, Stinky?

Well, I remember Rhonda
smelled real nice.

When I complimented her
about it, she said,

"Sit somewhere else,
cheeseball."

Thanks, Stinky.
That helps, I guess.

How about you, Harold?
Remember anything?

Let's see.

Nadine was eating
a turkey sandwich,

two fruit fold-ups
and a cream...

Yeah, yeah, but what
did they talk about?

Rhonda said, uh,

"Want my
chocolate pudding snack?"

Chocolate pudding snack?
Where? Where?

Relax, Chocolate Boy.
It was a couple of days ago.

They don't go bad that fast.
Where is it, in the trash?

Huh! That kid's
got a problem.

I think the basic conflict
to Nadine and Rhonda's
relationship

stems from their mutual
inability to compromise

and a lack of respect
for each other's selfhood.

Really? Tell me
about it, Phoebe.

Well, Jungian therapy differs
from the classic
Freudian approach.

No. I mean, tell me
about the fight.

Oh, right.

Well, both Rhonda and Nadine
wanted to do a project

to emphasize
their personal strengths.

But this time,
Nadine was overtly hostile

to Rhonda's
normally dominant behavior.

Plus, each girl felt
her core interests
were being trivialized.

So what you're saying is,
they both wanted to do
their favorite project

and neither one
would back down.

So both of them
got their feelings hurt.

Exactly.

Boy, this psychology stuff
sure is tricky.
(SLURPS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

BOTH: Okay, Arnold,
what did you wanna talk--

Hey, that's no fair.

You didn't tell me
she'd be here.

Okay, it's time
to patch things up.

I'm tired of being
stuck in the middle.

You guys have
been friends forever

and you think about
each other all the time.

Not anymore.
ARNOLD: Sure you do.

Even when you're not
speaking to Nadine,

that's all you talk about.

And you're the same way.

You're both mad because
you wanted the other one
to change her mind.

Well, quit acting like babies
and tell each other
you're sorry,

I will if Rhonda will.

I will if Nadine goes first.

No, you first.

How about if we say,
"I'm sorry" together?

Okay by me.
I'll count.
No, I'll count.

(SIGHS)

I mean, we'll both
count, Nadine.

BOTH: One, two, three.
I'm sorry.

Okay, that's great, Nadine.

Now, listen,
I know what we both can do.

See, your bug idea's okay,
but my fashion idea
is a whole lot better.

Well, Papa Theresa?

They're best friends again.

And you're just in time
to play some ball.

RHONDA AND NADINE:
Hey, Arnold.

What?

Well, we've got a great idea
for the project.

We'll finish it
all by ourselves.

All you have to do
is show up tomorrow.

Really?
RHONDA: Really.

Wait, what exactly
do I have to do?

RHONDA: Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to our one and only
insect fashion show.

(CLASSMATES LAUGHING)

Arnold's wings are made
from imported silk fabric

that Nadine
has hand-painted herself
in a stunning design.

And his feelers,

which Rhonda has recreated
in all their splendor,

serve as his primary
sense organ,

alerting him
to possible predators.

(CLASSMATES LAUGHING)

Wait a minute.

How come I'm doing this?

Sorry, Gerald.

You always gotta give them
a little of everything

and now, I'm a caterpillar.

Just smile and move, okay?

(ALL LAUGHING AND CHEERING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)