03x14 - Arnold's Thanksgiving

[bunniefuu]

(BOAT HORN BLARING)

MAYOR DIXIE:
As your Mayor,
I hereby declare

this replica of
The Mayflower

a city landmark!

Long may she sail!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

(SHIP HORN BLARING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(THUNDERCLAP EFFECT PLAYS)

Land ahoy!

And so, in 1620,

the brave pilgrims
reached the New World

when they landed
at Plymouth Rock.

(ALL CLAMORING)

(AUDIENCE JEERING)

It's okay, it's okay.
People, people.

Stay frosty, now.

Remember how we
did this in rehearsal?

Now places, everyone,
here we go!

(LAUGHTER)

In the first winter
at Plymouth Rock,

the pilgrims,
cold, hungry,

and feeling very alone
on this new continent

paid a visit to
the Native American village.

Winter comes,
our food runs short.

The days are cold
and damp.

Well, you're in luck.
We've lots to eat.

Come join us
at our camp.

(LAUGHTER)

I pray that we'll
live side by side,

in peace for many,
many days.

Now come partake
of pumpkin seeds,

mushed up cranberries

and this yummy
corn maize.

Where's the corn maize?

I was hungry!

(LAUGHTER)

(SOFTLY) Stay frosty.

And I... And so,

it was decided
that European
and Native American alike

would gather together
and celebrate the very
first Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving.
Turkey, stuffing...

Mmm-mmm-mmm!

Pie, belching contest
with my brother...
I love it!

ARNOLD:
That makes one of us.

What are you
talking about, Arnold?

Well, let me tell you.

At my house,
Thanksgiving is
always a disaster.

First of all, Grandma's
confused and thinks
it's the fourth of July.

So we always have
to go up on the roof
and barbecue hot dogs,

even though
it's freezing.

That doesn't sound
much like Thanksgiving,
Arnold.

I know.

I don't think I've ever
had a real Thanksgiving.

RHONDA:
We have so much.
to be thankful for.

Like finding our
friendly faces

on this far
and distant shore.

And sharing scrumptious
home-grown food.

Come. Would you like
to have some more?
(GRUNTS)

(LAUGHTER)

EUGENE:
Ow. I'm okay.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(TRADITIONAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Thanksgiving.
(SCOFFS)

How I hate it!

Every year,
it's always the same.

Miriam overcooks
the stuffing,

Big Bob sits in front
of the TV like
a bloated manatee,

watching 18 football games

and burping and groaning

about how he shouldn't
eat burritos for breakfast.

Helga?
And Olga

flits around the house

like some kind of
annoying fairy princess.

Commanding me to
help her prepare dinner.

Uh, Helga...
I mean, well,
I'm running around

like a little
servant girl.

"Helga, get me this."

"Helga, baby sister,
dear, get me that."

Some holiday.
Helga.

What is it?

You're on!
Huh?

Places, people!
Now, people,

this is our last scene

and I would like you
to please get it right.

Now, I'm counting
on you!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

And now, our pageant
comes to the
modern Thanksgiving!

Let's peek in,
shall we,

at a perfect Thanksgiving
family gathering.

Yeah, right.

I'm so thankful that
we're all here together.

Peter, Joy, Robert,
and dear Uncle Chuck.

Boy, so am I, Mom.

Joy, how's it going
at your job?

Better than ever.

I've been promoted!

You're looking
fabulous, Mrs. Simon.

Have you lost weight?

Oh, Peter,

how sweet of you
to notice.

Can we eat now?

(LAUGHTER)

Good Chuck,

we have to wait
till we all say
what we're thankful for.

Oh, I'm thankful
that I had
an early lunch

so I can eat more
of this turkey.

Uncle Chuck,
you are irrepressible.

And I am thankful
for that.

And I'm thankful
that you made

this exquisite
holiday meal,
Mrs. Simon.

And me, I'm just
so darn thankful

for this wonderful,
excitingly diverse...

...family gathering
we have every year.

ALL: Happy Thanksgiving!

Now can we eat?

(LAUGHTER)
Yes, Uncle Chuck.

Now we can eat.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

That was wonderful.

Wasn't that
wonderful, people?

Everyone, come on out.

Take a bow.

I want all of you to know
how special this
presentation was to me.

How important it is

to understand
the true meaning
of Thanksgiving,

being thankful
for whatever you have.

I hope you all will
take this message home

and try to make this
the best darn
Thanksgiving ever.

(BELL RINGS)
That's it!

School's out!
(APPLAUSE)

Enjoy your holiday,
everyone.

(ALL CHEERING)

(SNIFFS)

What's burning,
Miriam?

You know, I think
I overcooked
the stuffing, B.

Now, how did
that happen?

BOB: What do you mean?

Huh, "How did
that happen"?

You do it every
Thanksgiving, Miriam!

(BELCHES) Oh, man.

I shouldn't have had
all those burritos
for breakfast.

Happy Thanksgiving,
Dad.

Yeah, you bet
your patooties.

And you know why
it's a happy Thanksgiving?

Because we all get
to be together
as a family,

and be thankful for
all the good things
in our lives?

Huh? Oh, yeah,
yeah. Right, right.

But mainly because
I got

14 straight hours of
bone-crunching football

on the boob-tube,
starting right now.

Everybody,
it's Thanksgiving!

And you know
what that means.

Happy fourth of July,
everybody!

GRANDPA: Yes, yes.

Happy fourth of July,
Pookie.

Okay, let's get started.
Mr. Hyunh and Grandma

are in charge
of the grill
cooking hot dogs.

Oskar, Susie and Ernie
are in charge
of decorations

and setting the table.

Two things!
That's no fair.

Shut your piehole,
Kokoshka.
Let the old man talk.

Arnold and I will make
the red, white
and blue desserts

and Grandma
will light off

her traditional fireworks
display at sunset.
Any questions?

Yeah. How about
if we made turkey
and stuffing

and pumpkin pie
and cranberries
this year?

What are you,
crazy, Arnold?

We don't get that
till the fourth of July

when your Grandma
thinks it's Christmas.

Where have you been?

(GLASS SHATTERING)

(BUBBLING)

Look, Mom, I made
a centerpiece for
our Thanksgiving table.

Oh, yeah.
Great, honey.

Uh, you can put it
right next to, um,

your sister's.

Olga.

Good morning, everyone!

Is everyone ready
to help me make
the Thanksgiving dinner?

I was...

You can help me
fold napkins, Mommy.

Come on, Daddy,
you have onions to chop
and mushrooms to stuff.

And Helga,

my baby sister.

You're my most important
helper of all.

(GROWLS SOFTLY)

(LAUGHS)

(OINKING)

The grill is clean
and ready for f*ring,
Cornwallis?

Clean and ready.

Then fire it up, General!

♪ And the rocket's
red glare

♪ The bombs bursting
in air ♪

What a crazy holiday!

Grandpa, why do we
go along with Grandma's

fourth of July plan
every year?
(ABNER SQUEALING)

Why can't we just
have a...

A regular Thanksgiving?

Well, we could, but then
we'd be like everyone else.

And what fun
would that be?

(FLAMES WHOOSHING)

(GRANDMA LAUGHING)

(SNIFFLES)
For crying out loud, Olga,

how many more of these
do I have to chop?

Just a few more, Daddy.

Phew.

Oh, goody.
The potatoes.

You're an angel, Helga.

Uh, yeah,
I'm a regular cherub.
What's next?

Well, I just need you
to wash them,
and then peel them,

and then quarter them,
and maybe
wash them again.

You know, your
dirty little hands.

Just a darn minute,
Mary Sunshine,

I've got plenty
of other things
to do today.

BOB: You're darn right
you do.

I need you to stuff
beepers into cornucopias

for my three-day sale
this weekend.

And you can do it
when you finish
all this Olga stuff.

"Helga, do this.

"Helga, do that."

Nobody cares
what I wanna do.

Some holiday.

(KNOCK AT WINDOW)

I see, Mr. Franklin,
you got your costume
on yet?

In a minute, Grandma.

Just once, I'd like
to have a normal,
regular Thanksgiving,

(DOORBELL RINGS)
like everybody else.

GRANDPA: Hey, Arnold,
would you get the door?

Is Arnold home?

I ate all the marshmallows
for our yams,

and my mom sent me
over to borrow
some more.

Uh, Harold,

it's me, Arnold.

Arnold?

Oh, you look like a...
like a little

bald-headed lady with
little rectangle glasses!

(LAUGHING)

Harold, I'd prefer
if you didn't tell anyone

that you saw me
like this.

Arnold dressed up
for Thanksgiving

like a bald-headed lady

with little
rectangle glasses!

(LAUGHS)

GRANDPA:
Arnold, come on up!

We're about to
reenact the signing

of the Declaration
of Independence!

GRANDMA:
Bring your quill pen,
Mr. Franklin!

I gotta get out of here.

Maybe I'd be better off
by myself this Thanksgiving.

Okay, it's time to go
around the table

and say what
you're thankful for.

Let's start with
you, Olga.

I'm thankful for this
incredible, wonderful,

seven-course dinner
I created from scratch

as my Thanksgiving gift
to all of you, my family.

And I'm thankful
for the beeper empire

I started from
the ground up

that put this fantastic
spread on the table
for all of you.

Okay, Miriam,
it's your turn.

Miriam!
Huh?

What... Oh,
cranberries.

You got a little
drool going there.

What are you thankful
for, Miriam?

I'm thankful for...

This beautiful centerpiece

that Olga made.

Oh, criminy.

Okay, is that it?
Good. Let's eat.

No, no, no, Daddy!

Helga hasn't said
what she's thankful for.

Oh, yeah.

All right, what are you
thankful for, Helga?

And make it snappy,
okay? I'm starving.

I am thankful for
absolutely nothing.

(GASPS)
Honey, you gotta be
thankful for something.

No, Mom, I'm not.

Maybe Helga needs
a minute to think
of something.

Nope, my mind's a blank.

Can't think of a thing.

Well, I'm giving you
till the count of three
to think of something.

One, two, three.

All right, then,
little lady.

You can just park
your fanny upstairs
in your room,

till you can think
of something
you're thankful for.

Fine.
(GASPS)

Geez.

Ahem. Pass the stuffing.

Go to my room,
fat chance.

Maybe I'll be better off
by myself this Thanksgiving.

(SIGHS)

I wonder what Arnold's
doing right now.

He's probably having
a wonderful time

eating a fabulous
hot turkey dinner

surrounded by
his adoring grandma,

and grandpa
and all those lovable

eccentric boarders.

(SIGHS)

Arnold, if I have anything
at all to be thankful for,

it's that you exist
in my miserable
little sphere.

Oh, Arnold!

Arnold!
ARNOLD: Helga?

Arnold?

What are you
doing here?

Stop creeping up on me,
you little creep!

Sorry.

I mean,
why aren't you at home,
enjoying the holiday

with your eccentric
but oh-so-lovable
boarding house family?

It was all getting
a little weird.

So, I left.

(SCOFFS)
Join the club,
football head.

Things were even worse
at my house.

Get a load of this.

(BELL RINGS)

(BIRDS CALLING)

HELGA:
And then Bob says,

"I'm giving you till the count
of three to tell me what
you're thankful for."

Huh, yeah,
that'll work, Dad.

I'm really thankful now.

Some Thanksgiving.

Maybe we should
at least try
to be optimistic.

Maybe we should look
on the bright side.

What bright side,
football head?

We have this
beautiful view.

(SHIP HORN BLOWS)

Keep tryin', Arnold.

There's no school today.

Skip on down.

(BELL RINGING)
Hey, look!

It's The Mayflower,
Helga.

The symbol of the pilgrims
and the first Thanksgiving.

It must be some
kind of sign, Helga.

Maybe you're right.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Yeah, it's a sign,
all right.

It's a sign that
this is possibly

the worst
Thanksgiving ever.

MAN: Don't panic!

Stay on the boat.

Oh, brother.

Thanksgiving isn't
going so hot
this year, is it?

What Thanksgiving?
You mean this?

Where's Thanksgiving,
Arnold? I don't see it.

I've never had
a real one.

You've never had
a real one.

Yeah. You know
what I keep thinking?

Huh, what?
That we should look
on the bright side?

That every cloud has
a "silver lining"?

No, I keep thinking
about Mr. Simmons'
Thanksgiving play.

(SCOFFS)
Yeah, what a crock.

But it was the perfect
Thanksgiving, Helga.

They had a beautiful meal,
and everybody got along.

And they were all
just thankful to
be together.

You're right, Arnold.

Except for just
one thing.

That was a play!

It wasn't real life!

This is real life.

Listen, I've been
thinking about this.

If anyone would be having
a good Thanksgiving
at their house,

Mr. Simmons would.

I mean, he's such
a nice guy.

What's your point?

Let's go visit Mr. Simmons.
Oh, what a stupid idea.

HELGA: Okay.

(DOGS BARKING)

(CAR HONKS)

HELGA: They all look
so happy

and normal.

See, I told you!

He's having a perfect
Thanksgiving in there.

Well, what are we
waiting for?
I'm starving!

Wonderful! I'll make
you all a copy.

(DOORBELL RINGS)
Now who can that be?

Helga? Arnold?
What a surprise.

Hi, Mr. Simmons.

We don't want to
bother you or anything,

but the reason
we're here...

Both of our Thanksgivings
were really blue,

and we wondered
if we could crash yours.

Of course you can
join me.

Your being here will
make my Thanksgiving
even more special.

Come in! Come in!

Everyone,
surprise guests!

These are two students
from my class,

Helga and Arnold.

BOTH: Hi.

Now this is
my mother, Pearl,

and my friends
Peter and Joy.

And this, of course,
is my Uncle Chuck.

It's the same names
as the people
in his play!

I know.
PEARL: Hmm. I didn't know

Peter was coming today.

There's a lot of things
you don't know.

Hmph! Dear,

why don't you take Joy
to the ballet Saturday?

Oh, I love the ballet.

(CLEARS THROAT)

But I think
I'm busy Saturday.

(STRAINING)
How's your job

at the library, Joy?

I got fired yesterday.

There's a surprise.

Well, that's too bad.

But I'm sure you'll find
a new and even more
special job.

I doubt it.

They're sure not
acting like the people
in his play.

I know.

Um, how's that great
new car of yours?

It was stolen.

Again?

You can't seem to
hold on to anything,
can you, Joy?

Leave the poor girl
alone, Peter.

You're always
sniping at her!

Have some more
stuffing, Pearl.

What do you mean
by that, Sparky?

Oh, nothing.
Nothing at all!

(GRUNTING)

CHUCK: You're gonna
finish that, eh?

Hey, I know.

It's time to all
hold hands

and think about
what we have to be
thankful for, okay?

Oh, please!
Do we have to
do this every year?

You know
it embarrasses me!

Hey, who cares about
your opinion
in the first place?

You must mistake
me for someone who
cares what you think.

You know something,
I never...
Why don't you go back...

(CHOKING)
Oh, my word,
she's choking.

Oh, good.
Dinner and a show.

PEARL: Now see what
you've done?
She's choking.

Ow!

She did that
on purpose!

Ah, knock off
the whining.

Who asked you?
Please, please,
everyone,

it's Thanksgiving!

I worked so hard
on this meal.

Please, let's enjoy it.

Yeah, good idea.
Let's eat, eh?

Helga, could I, uh...

see you in the kitchen?

Man, what a nightmare!

Can you believe
the way everybody's
picking on each other?

It's worse than
my family!

It's worse than both
our families put together!

Yeah. Simmons knocks
himself out making
this meal,

and then they're all
out there sitting
around on their butts

and they can't even
put aside their petty
little differences

and be thankful
for crying out loud.

They wouldn't even
go along with
the stupid tradition,

'cause they're
too embarrassed.

Even thought they know
it means so much to him.

Hits a little close
to home, huh, Arnold?

Yeah. I guess I could
have gone along with
Grandma's fourth of July.

It's not that bad, really.

I guess if Simmons
can put up with his
lame excuse for a family,

we can put up
with ours.

(MR. SIMMONS CLEARS THROAT)

They're quite a spirited
bunch, aren't they?

They seemed
really nice.

You know, Arnold,
the way you always
look on the bright side

is very, very special.

(DISHES SHATTERING)

(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
CHUCK: Hey, hey!

Oh, who am I kidding?
It's an absolute disaster.

What more
could go wrong?
(SIGHS)

You probably noticed
that this isn't
the perfect,

wonderful Thanksgiving
that I wrote about
for the pageant.

Well, I know that
this isn't perfect,

but those special
people out there

are the ones
that I love.

And every year,
it's my little project

to get them
together in a room,

and try to make us all
thankful for the things
we've got.

(ALL ARGUING)
Mother, can we please
keep it down?

This may not make
much sense to you yet,

but I'm truly thankful
for what I have.

We should probably
go, Mr. Simmons.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Why did you bring
Brussels sprouts?

So, you wanna
go back home
and give it a try?

Not really,
but it's getting dark,

and I'm starving.
Me too.

Let's go.

PETER:
I hope you choke on...

(DOG BARKING)

MIRIAM: Yeah, well, just...
You listen up, Mister.

I want to speak
to the captain.

My little girl
is missing,

and I want the whole
police squad to
go out

and look for her!

I'm taking the hummer,
Miriam,

and I'm not coming back
till I find Helga.

I finished the fliers!

I really hope I'm
not too late! (CRIES)

Great, great.
These are great.

Get these plastered up
on every telephone pole
in the city!

What's going on?

ALL: Helga?

Oh, you're safe!

It's a miracle!

We were worried
sick about you, girl!

I'm fine.
Everything's fine.

I just want to say
that I'm really thankful

that I have
a great home,

and all of you
are here, and...

Oh, is this true?
I'm so glad you're home.

I was so scared
and now I'm just so...

I'm just so...
I'm just happy.

All right, all right!
Stop slobbering on me!

I was only gone
a couple of hours!

BOB: (SIGHS) Well,
the main thing is,

you're safe and sound,

and since
it's Thanksgiving,

I guess this is as good
a time as any to say that

we're thankful for you
being our daughter,
and being around the house.

Yes. We're
very thankful, honey.

Okay, everyone.

Well, let's go eat.

I got the tube
all set up

so I can see the game
from the table.

Hup-hup-hup!
Don't forget
the centerpiece!

(CHUCKLES)

Happy Thanksgiving,
Helga.

(CAR ALARM BEEPING)

Grandma? I'm home!

Where is everybody?

(GASPS) Grandpa?

Oh, it's you, Arnold.

Where is everybody?
What happened?

Well, after you left,

it all turned ugly.

What do you mean?

They heard that
you're out looking
for Thanksgiving,

so they decided

to throw you
a surprise party!

ALL: Surprise!
ERNIE: Happy Thanksgiving!

(ALL CLAMORING)

But what happened
to the fourth of July?

Fourth of July?

What are you
talking about, Arnold?

And what are you
doing with that
Ben Franklin costume?

It's Thanksgiving.
Dig in!

Thanks, Grandma.
Thanks a lot.

But do you think
we could still
have fireworks?

Oh, Arnold,
it wouldn't be
Thanksgiving

without fireworks.

(GRANDMA CACKLING)

(FIREWORKS WHISTLING,
EXPLODING)

(FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)