03x06 - Spinelli's Masterpiece/Nobody Doesn't Like T.J.

[bunniefuu]

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

Whaa!

Ah!

[burp]

Come on, you slackers,
this is basketball, not checkers!

Stay on your man, T.J.
Gretchen, set up the pick.

Geez, what do I got to do,
everything myself?

Ha! In your face, Spinelli! Get it?

The ball hit you in the face,
and I said, "in your face."

Why, you little...

Uh? Help me! She's crazy! Crazy!

Oh, you ain't seen crazy yet.

Let him go, Spinelli.

Yeah, Lawson jammed you fair and square.

I don't care! He's got it coming!

[Calmly] All is well, Spinelli,
all is peaceful.

Breathe deep with me now.

I don't want to breathe. Let me go!

Only if you promise to remain calm.

All right! All right. I promise already.

[exhales]

Ah!

Come on, Spinelli, quit being a jerk!

Me... a jerk?

You gotta admit, Spinelli,
this is somewhat jerk-like behavior.

Fine, if that's what you guys think of me,

then I am out of here!

Gee, what was that?

That was SpinellI in a bad mood, Gus.

It's never pretty, but she always
calms herself down, eventually.

-How?
-Usually by breaking stuff.

Oh.

Stupid, lousy, rotten basketball

with its stupid, lousy, rotten rules!

Will you stop that, Spinelli?

-Why should I?
-Because if you don't,

I've got Finster's pager number...

on speed dial.

Fine!

Looks like someone got up

on the wrong side
of the cage this morning.

[laughter]

How's a kid supposed
to blow off a little steam

around this joint?

Hey, Ashley A., something
has a crush on you!

Uh, excuse me, Spinelli?

You're about to smush my chalk.

Your chalk? Oh, take it.

I'm out of here anyway.

Thank you, I need white to make
the whiskers on my kitty.

Kitty? What kitty?

The kitty I'm drawing
on the blacktop, isn't it neat?

You call that a kitty?
Doesn't even have any ears.

-Well, yeah...
-Plus, you got its eyes all wrong.

Its tail needs to go up like this, see?.

Wow, that's great. Thanks, Spinelli.

And then you can give it
big pointy fangs like this. See?

And razor-sharp claws.
Then you make it your own, like this, see?

-Uh, su...
-And then you need to add

some more over here

and a little bit more over here.

Then get big... big like this.

Ah, Third Street...

Another day, another dollop of knowledge.

I got to see if the gum
I left on the jungle gym

kept its flavor overnight.

Wait for me!

I wonder where SpinellI is this morning.

Hope she's in a better mood
than yesterday.

Huh, you can say that again.

Excuse me, mister,
I wouldn't walk there if I were you.

You might smear the nice picture.

Picture?

[Vince] Wow, what's with the crazy design?

I just asked her to help me draw a kitty,
But she wouldn't stop.

[Spinelli] A little more over here...

Double more over here.

Spinelli, what are you doing?

A lot more over here...

She seems to be entranced
drawing something.

Yeah, but what?

[Gus] Guys! Guys!

You got to see this!

This better be good, Gus, SpinellI's doing
something strange down there.

Strange and wonderful. Look!

Whoa!

It's beautiful.

It almost resembles

one of those giant aboriginal petroglyphs

that can only be seen from the sky.

It's a masterpiece that touches the soul
and makes one cry

to the heavems,
"Art, thy name is Spinelli!"

Yeah, but I wonder
what it's supposed to be.

I don't know, Gus, but whatever it is,
Spinelli sure worked hard to make it.

And it's too bad those digger boys
are going to mess it all up.

What?

She's right! Come on, we got to stop them!

Sam, Dave, wait.
You guys got to stop digging.

Huh? What are you talking about, T.J.?

You guys gotta dig somewhere else today.

We've been digging where we want

on this playground
ever since we were in Kindergarten.

Why should we dig somewhere else now?

Come with us and we'll show you.

I feel inspired.

Yeah, inspired to dig...

[Both] For chalk!

An excellent idea, guys,
at her current rate, SpinellI will consume

the school's entire
chalk supply within the hour.

We better get digging then. See ya!

I gotta hand it to you ,Teej,
you sure saved SpinellI's drawing.

Hey, when it comes
to dealing with diggers,

I'm the man.

How are you at dealing with fifth graders?

[all gasp]

Let's get this game started already!

Somebody stop those madmen!

[T.J.] Let's go!

And here I'll add some blue...
And then some green...

After what SpinellI did to me yesterday,

why shouldn't I play basketball

all over her stupid chalk squiggles?

One very good reason, Lawson. Follow me.

It makes me feel things
I've never felt before.

I could never
play basketball on that, Lawson.

It's too pretty.

[Both] Yeah.

OK, Teej, we stopped the diggers,
we stopped Lawson.

But face it, sooner or later,

somebody's going to mess up
SpinellI's drawing.

What are we going to do,
bring every kid on the playground up here?

Gus, my friend, that's not a bad idea.

[chattering]

One at a time, people! No pushing!

You'll all get a turn
to see SpinellI's... thing.

-Come on.
-You can do it.

Just a few steps!

No, I won't do it! You can't make me!

Why, this isn't a trick at all.

It's... it's art!

[children chattering]

And now I'm going to blend
these two together...

Should we like it? It is SpinellI's.

True, but it does pick up
the pink in your sweater!

[Ashleys] Scandalous!

I got limited editions
of the artist's early work...

Doodles from yesterday's Math class,

a threatening note signed
by the artist herself!

Easy, art lovers, everyone's going
to get a turn here.

Next! Hey, you guys
don't go to our school!

Of course not, we attend Scomaa...

The School Of Modern Alternative Art.

We have come to view the so-called

"action chalk girl" in action.

What's going on here?

This is a playground.
Why isn't anyone playing?

We can't, Miss Finster,
SpinellI's drawing this amazing stuff

all over the asphalt and...

Oh, graffiti, huh? Well, I'll fix that.

Randall, tell Hank to get out the hose.

But, Miss Finster, you don't understand.

Oh, ho, ho, I understand plenty.

That's why I'm going to wash

this mess off the blacktop right now!

Please, Miss Finster, leave it be.

As Oscar Wilde once said,

"Art school should be the streets."

And, well, the playground
is sort of like a street,

only with play equipment and no traffic.

SpinellI's work
is a breathtaking expression

of vital spiritual needs.

It brings up all kinds
of feelings and stuff.

Any unauthorized drawing on school grounds

is officially classified as graffiti,

And I'm cleaning it off, once and for all.

[all gasp]

Now what are we going to do, T.J.?

There's only one thing we can do.

Gandor primulan, gandor primulan.

Gandor primulan.

It's J.T., Code Epsilon.

Gandor primulan, J.T. What's the trouble?

We've got an emergency situation
on the playground guys, we need your help.

We will get on the bird and take a look.

Geosynchronous satellite on-line.

Track longitude at degrees West,

latitude at . ° North.

Extrapolating...

Closer, closer...

[all gasp]

The most impressive piece of work, J.T.

And Finster's trying to wash it off.

Fear not, J.T. We're on-line
and on the case.

Thanks, guys, but hurry. Hurry!

Come on, Miss Finster. Have a heart.

You needed something hosed down, Muriel?

That's right, Hank. Wash it off!

Gosh, Muriel, are you Sure?
It's an awfully nice piece of work.

If you're going to wimp out on me, Hank,

just give me the hose
and I'll do it myself.

Sorry, Muriel, you're not authorized

to operate a hose
this powerful... Union rules.

Give me the hose, Hank.

Now's our chance... For beauty!

For art!

[together] For Spinelli!

[children cheering]

Look! A Mondrian X- Bobcat!

Stop, stop!

Who the heck are you?

Decoupage, Calle Decoupage...

Chairwoman of the American Arts Endowment.

Oh, I just saw this tremendous work of art

on the internet.

Way to go, Knarf!

That's not art, that's graffiti.

Au contraire, this is one
of the most original

pieces of art I've seen in years, in fact,

the Endowment wants
to offer this artist a grant

and declare this entire blacktop

a protected public installation.

[cheers]

What? You can't do that!
This is my blacktop, sister!

It's not blacktop, it's art!

Blacktop!

-Art!
-Blacktop!

What do you know about art?

[arguing]

[arguing continues]

Look!

Spinelli!

Done.

Quick! To the jungle gym!

[chattering]

It's... incredible.

It's magnificent!

To think I wanted to wash it away.

Why, we should laminate
the whole blacktop.

I hereby declare
that SpinellI's masterpiece

be preserved for future generations.

[All] Yay!

Um, excuse me, but I hear
something rattling.

The hose!

It's going to blow!

The drawing... it's... gone.

All gone!

Why, great God of the Arts, why?

Hey, what's everybody looking at?

Your ruined masterpiece, Spinelli.

I'm so sorry.

Masterpiece? What masterpiece?

The vast expensive blacktop you spent
two days laboring over.

You mean that drawing?

That was just something I was doing

'cause it helped me feel better.

Doing it was the fun part.
If it's gone, it's gone.

[chattering]

Hey, anybody up for a playground-wide game

of battle tag?

I'm it!

Well, there goes the art!

And there goes the true artiste.

[sighs]

No sighing in detention, Detweiler.

Yes, Miss Finster. Sorry, Miss Finster.

Man, the playground just isn't the same

when Teej is in detention.

True. In his absence,

we average a startling
four fewer laughs per recess.

Look, I like Teej as much as the next kid,

but it's recess and we have to have fun.

[Boy] Yeah! All right!

Last time I checked,
video games were fun. Come on!

Left. Go. No. Oh, yeah. Jump.

Hey, Gordie, what you got there?

Latest version of Ducks on a Pond.

It's a total quack-up.

-Yes! I'm unflappable.
-Hey, can I try?

Sure, but be warned... it's challenging.

Watch the lily pads. They're booby traps.

Stay away from the hunter, he's...

Wow, you're pretty good.

Hey, it's a game, isn't it?

Too bad T.J. Isn't here.
He'd get quite a kick out of this.

Yeah, it's a real shame.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, let's just say T.J. Detweiler

isn't as popular as he thinks.

That's not a very funny joke, Gordie.

Pst, who's joking?

Are you actually suggesting
that you don't like T.J.?

Do I need to spell it out with math?

Me minus T.J. Equals good. Get it?

Gee, a kid who doesn't like T.J.?

I never thought I'd see the day.

[game beeping]

[inhales] Ah.

Teej, you're out with time to spare.

Was there ever any question?

No, but here's a question for you...
what did you ever do to Gordie?

Gordie from our class? Nothing. Why?

He says he doesn't like you.

Mikey, never kid a kid
who hasn't had his recess.

He's not kidding, Teej.
Gordie just told us he doesn't like you.

He spelled it out for us in math.

This has got to be
some sort of mistake or something.

Hey, where is that Gordie guy anyway?

[bell rings]

Guess you'll have to see him in class.

Yeah, I guess I will.

Although they were both founding fathers,

John Adams and Thomas Jefferson
did not always get along.

Jefferson thought Adams
was a stuffy Bostonian

who liked big government and didn't know
how to have a good time

Adams thought Jefferson
was a know-it-all showoff

who didn't do anything but build his house

and get up at o clock in the afternoon.

Psst, pass it down.

[Miss Grotke] Of course, both
of those gentlemen

might have benefited from counseling,

but, alas, they were born too soon,

although I sometimes wonder
if even a good counselor

wouldn't have been wasted
on founding fathers

who didn't think twice about
excluding an entire gender from the racks.

I mean, where were the founding mothers?

Unbelievable!

Right on, T.J.

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

So, what's it gonna be,
kickball or soccer?

Anything but maul ball.

I still got a wedgie
from yesterday's game.

Why must we compete?

Are there no games
without winners and losers?

A game, by definition, presupposes
winners and losers, Mikey.

Otherwise, it wouldn't be
a game, it would be a...

Snooze-fest?

I vote for football. What about you, Teej?

I don'tknow, what do you think
Gordie will want to play?

Gordie? He won't play with us.

He doesn't like you, remember?

We'll see about that.

Hey, come on, come on, go, go.

Hey there, Gordie, you know,
I've been hearing some talk and, well,

-do you like me?
-Nope.

Oh, uh, well, thanks.

No problem.

Now do you believe us?

I... I can't believe it.
I won't believe it.

We all go through this, Teej.

Heck, there are some people don't like me
'cause they can't take a loss.

Some find me irritatingly bright.

And me a tad too dorky.

And me simply too heartfelt.

The fact is, T.J., there are
over five billion people on Earth,

and it would be impossible for all of them
to like you or anyone else.

But come on. Everybody likes me.

Don't you think you're exaggerating?

I'm telling you,
everybody likes me, and I'll prove it.

Hey Sam, hey Dave,
what do you guys think of me?

[Both] We dig you, man.

Upside-down girl, how would you rate me?

Hey, Lawson, do you like me?

Of course, I like you, dirtweiler,

Especially when I'm kicking
your keister at sports.

But, Lawson, you never
kick my keister at sports.

Oh, yeah, but you're still an OK guy.

See? Even my worst enemy likes me,

and soon Gordie will, too,

or my name isn't T.J. Detweiler.

[Boy] T.J. Detweiler? I like that guy.

Hey, there, Gordie-o. Whatcha doing?

Nothing, now that my batteries are dead.

Gee, that's a bummer.

Hey, how's about a game of catch
to take your mind off your troubles?

No, thanks.

-Some hoops, perhaps?
-I'll pass.

What about Handball?

Oh, man, I love handball!

Great.

Hey, Carl, want to play some handball?

[groans]

Hey, man, are you feeling OK?

It's this whole
Gordie-not-liking-me thing.

It's got me tore down.

Perhaps a Gordie-proof treat
would lift your sagging spirits.

I suppose it couldn't hurt.

Man, oh, man, are these things good!

Nothing says "friends forever"

like a freshly baked brownie.

You know, Mikey,
you may have something there.

I had something there.

Hey, there, Gordie, old pal.

Uh, yeah, hey.

Mmm, boy, these are
some delectable brownies.

Did you say brownies?

Yep, all chocolatey and soft and chewy.

Want to try one?

Well, maybe just one.

Mmm, these brownies are...

Uh, do these brownies have nuts in them?

Yep, nothing but the best
for my pal, Gordie.

Oh, yuck! I'm allergic to nuts!

Geez, Detweiler,
just 'cause I don't like you

is no reason and poison me.

But, Gordie, I didn't know! I... I...

[bell rings]

Gordie's not that good in science.

I could tutor him.

But, uh, Teej, you're not good
in science either.

True, but Gretchen could tutor me,
then I could tutor Gordie.

This is getting a little weird, Teej.

Yeah, it's like the more
Gordie dislikes you,

the more you want him to like you.

A textbook case, people always seem
to want the things they cannot have.

The things they cannot have, huh?

Guys, you just gave me an idea. Excuse me.

Look, Gordie, I didn't want
to have to tell you this,

but I think it's only fair that you know,

I don't like you either.

You... you don't?

No, I do not.

Whew! Oh, what a relief.

Now you don't have to invite me

to your birthday party next year.

Man, this not-being-liked
stuff is the worst.

[sighs]

Worse than being stuck
in detention all alone.

Ha, but it's better

than being stuck in detention with Gordie.

Wait a second. That's it!

Tomorrow, I'm winning me a friend.

What, exactly, are we waiting for?

Beats me. T.J. Said to wait here

until he initiates Operation Big Trouble.

OK, all is in readiness.
When's Ashley Q. Up?

That girl can really kick.

[Vince] She's at the plate now.

Freeze, grass stopper.
Can't you read the sign?

No playing on the new grass.

What? What sign?

You just earned yourself
detention, young man.

But... but... but... but...

Stop saying that awful word.

I'm not certain I understand, T.J.

How is getting Gordie in trouble
going to make him like you any better?

Observe phase two.

Gum and litter?

Miss Finster, Miss Finster! I got a !

Perfect.

It looks like I have
two hooligans for detention today.

Now, you boys sit quietly
and feel bad about what you did.

I need to switch my insoles,
but I'll be back.

Looks like it's just you and me, huh?

Why don't you pretend it's just you,

and I'll pretend it's just me,

and we'll both get through this
with as little pain as possible?

Fine by me. I'm used to detention.

I get through it by whistling,

and since you're not here...

[whistling "Yankee Doodle"]

Stop it! I can't take it!

Thought you weren't here.

Well, I am and I can't stand
to hear any more of that.

So, you probably don't want to hear

about the secret passageway, either.

That's right, I... what secret passageway?

The janitor's closet?

To the untrained eye, but
to a seasoned professional like myself,

a gateway to another world.

Are you in?

Well... am I ever!

Where are we going?

You'll see.

All quiet on the kitchen front.

First stop...

Desserts and frozen treats.

Whoa! Ice cream bars!

And look... this one's labeled "nut free"!

We aim to please, but eat up, Gordie.

There's a lot more stops on the tour.

[Principal Prickly] I just
don't understand

why every principal in the district

has been honored
with the pally award but me.

Yes, I know, but principal Edwards
has already been honored three times.

It's just not fair. I know
he's the mayor's brother-in-law,

but I got his honor front-row seats

when the Ice Dandies were in town.

That's gotta count for something.

What the...

Yes, Miss Lemon, what is it?

I... I need your signature

on this rug... I mean, requisition.

[both chuckling]

Hey, guys.

[All] Gandor Primulan, J.T.

What news do you bring from the outside?

No news, Knarf, just more detention.

Knarf?

His name is "Frank," but here in room ,

it's cool to say names backwards.

Oh, I see.

Guys, this is Gordie.

Gandor primulan, Eidrog.

Uh, yeah, Gandorf Primulak.

Hey, you like comic books?

You kidding? It's only
my greatest passion in life!

Well, then check this out.

Whoa! A comic book lover's dream!

And if games
with mystical characters are your bag...

Daggers & dragons !

I thought that wasn't out yet.

It's not, Knarf and the fellas
are testing it for the company.

Thus far, I must say
it's thrilling good fun.

Well, guys, we better get back

before Miss Retsnif finds out we're gone.

Retsnif? Ha, ha, ha. Finster.

[all] Gandor Primulan, J.T. and Eidrog.

[Both] Gandor Primulan.

Man, T.J.,

that was the funnest detention
I've had in my whole life.

Yeah, I got this place pretty well wired.

So I guess you probably,
I don't know, like me now, huh?

Mm, nope.

What? but why not? I...
I demand an answer!

You got to tell me right now.
Why don't you like me?

No reason. I just don't.

[groans]

Well, I hope you two troublemakers
learned your lesson.

-I sure did, Miss Finster.
-Good.

Yep, no matter what you do,

not everyone's going to like you.

Blast you, Detweiler.

Just because I give you a detention

doesn't mean I don't like you.