03x10 - Gus and Misdemeanors/A Science Fair to Remember

[bunniefuu]

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

Waah!

Ah!

[burp]

So this is your new pet, eh, Gus?

Yeah. His name's Frederick.
Isn't he neat?

Gus, he's a bug!

Sure, he's a bug, but not just any bug.

Wait till you see Frederick dance a hula.

Ready, boy?

Now, that's entertainment.

Hey, everybody, Gus has got a dancing bug.

[children chattering]

-Man, what a boring recess.
-You're telling me.

There's got to be something fun we can do.

-Hey, I got an idea.
-What's that?

One word, lunch-m*ssile.

Yeah!

Let's go.

Got one!

And it's a ripe one, too.

Ready...

Aim...

Fire.

[splashing sound]

[children] Ah!

-Is it bad?
-It looks bad, but it smells worse.

Unless I'm mistaken, someone didn't drink

all of their chocolate milk last Thursday.

[sniffs]

You're not mistaken.

If you'll excuse me,
I'm going to go hose off.

[mockingly laughing]

Man, what a chump!

A chocolate-covered chump!

Hey, speaking of chocolate,

what do you say we head
to Kelso's after school?

Are you crazy? We ain't allowed
to set foot in that joint.

Old man Kelso said so himself.

Well, maybe we can't go in there,

but he can.

What are we waiting for?

Hey, man, you OK?

We saw it all.
Those punks tagged you rotten.

Oh, it's not so bad--

Nothing that won't come off

with a wire brush and some kerosene.

Gee, Mundy, I sure wish

there was something we could do

to cheer this poor kid up.

Me, too, Skeens, me, too.

Well, we could take him
to the you-know-what.

You don't mean the secret creek?

Mundy, you bigmouth,

the secret creek's supposed
to be a secret.

Excuse me, but did I just hear

someone say something
about a secret creek?

See what you did, Mundy?

Yeah, we got ourselves a secret creek.

But not just any secret creek.

This place is the sort of place
where guys like us

can kick back and hang,
you know, in secret.

A secret creek.

[banjo music]

It's every kid's dream.

Yep, and we want you to go there with us.

Oh, boy! Wait till I tell my friends!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't tell nobody.

Yeah. Too many kids tramping around

might destroy the delicate creekosystem.

Oh. I hadn't thought of that.

So tell you what.

Meet us at Kelso's at :
and we'll take you out there. OK?

You got it!

Wow, a secret creek! I can hardly wait!

[school bell rings]

[children cheer]

Hey, Gus, did you hear?

Kenny Beltzer's going to eat
a grasshopper. Live!

Yeah! We're going over
to his house now. You Coming?

Gee, that sounds like fun,

but I kind of already made plans.

Well, break'em.

This ain't a lousy cheese puff
Beltzer's eating.

The thing could jump up his nose!

Sorry, guys.

But, I got people to go and places to see.

Bye.

That was odd.

Yeah, what could be better
than a kid eating a grasshopper?

Nothing! Let's motor.

-Hey, guys!
-Hiya, Gus, ol' pal.

How's it going, amigo?

Great! Are we going to the creek, now?

Of course, buddy, but first
we got to get supplies.

Supplies? What do you mean?

Look, it's simple.
All you got to do is go inside

and get us some Beanie McGum.

-It's new.
-I didn't bring any money.

[laughing]

Money? You don't need no money.

Yeah, all you need are pockets.

I don't get it.

What's to get?
You just walk in to the store,

put some gum in your pockets,
and walk out.

But isn't that stealing?

We prefer to think of it as borrowing.

Yeah. Only you don't have to give it back.

-But-but--
-Just go get us the gum, kid!

Whoa!

[gasping]

[suspense music]

[gulps]

[inhales deeply]

Gus! How you doing, son?

Um, pretty good, Mr. Kelso.

Haven't seen you around lately.

Been getting a lot
of homework or something?

Oh, yeah, tons.
Well, nice talking to you, Mr. Kelso.

See you later.

Just a minute, Gus.

You can't leave yet.

Got to try some Beanie McGum. It's new!

Huh. We're all out.

That's OK, Mr. Kelso.
Maybe another time, huh?

Now, just hold on.
I know I got some more somewhere.

Ah, here it is.

-Go on, take it.
-Thanks, Mr. Kelso.

A good kid like you, Gus,
is more than welcome.

Yeah.

Yep, good kid.

This is your secret creek?

Yep, just as advertised. Hey, a froggy.

Just what I always wanted.

-[Croaks]
-He went in the water.

, , - ,

- ...

This place is fun.

Hey, Griswald, you going to eat that gum?

No, I guess I'm not very hungry.

Well, pass the goods, man.

Hey, give me some of that.

Me, too.

Get your own!

[both]
Get your hands off that! It's mine!

Get off of me!

Well, thanks for inviting me, guys.

Guess I better go now. See you later.

I'm a thief,

Nothing but a -bit, lowlife thief.

-[siren wailing]
-They're coming for me!

What have I done?

What am I going to do?
What am I going to do!

I know, I'll do some homework.

That'll get my mind off of it.

There, that feels better. Now, let's see.

- / plus / is...
-[thunder]

Ah! Beanie McGum!

This is crazy. It's--

[thunder]

No, no! It can't be. That's not a piece
of Beanie McGum.

It's my model dirigible, right, Hubert?

[gasps]

[hissing, grave voice]
You stole Beanie McGum!

-It wasn't my fault--
-No excuses!

Ah!

Mom, mom, you got to help--

I'm sorry, Gus, but you know the rules.
No snacks after dinner.

Ah!

I got to get out of here! I got to--
[gasps]

M.P.s! No! I didn't mean to do it!

-Huh?
-Evening, sergeants.

I presume you've come prepared for duty.

Got the sandwiches and cards right here.

Excellent. Now let's go play some poker.

-Gus?
-[screams]

A little early in the day
for hide-and-seek, don't you think?

Oh, hi, guys.

I wasn't playing hide-and-seek.

I was just...
checking the bark on this tree.

Yep, good and thick.

So, what are we waiting for?
Let's get to school.

[siren wails]

Oh, no, the cops.
They're coming to get me!

-[screaming]
-Coming to get him?

I thought the police were just coming

for officer appreciation day.

Yeah, and they're bringing
Officer McMeowmeow. Look!

Hello, kids.

I'm Officer McMeowmeow,
the crime-stopping cat.

I find crime purr-fectly awful.

Oh, boy!

-Hey, Gus. You OK?
-Huh? Oh, it's you, T.J.

You sure are jumpy today, Gus.
You nervous about something?

I'm just worried...
about a friend, I mean.

-A friend?
-Yeah. His name's, uh, Russ.

-Russ, huh? He in trouble?
-No. At least, not yet.

But you see, Russ met these guys

that were kind of cool,
but also kind of scary,

and they made him take stuff.

-Take stuff?
-You know, without paying for it.

You mean, like stealing?

Um, yeah, that's one word for it.

[inhales deeply]
Oh, that's bad.

Yeah, I know, and so does Russ.

It's tearing him apart

And he doesn't know what to do.

I mean, what would you do,
Teej, if you were Russ?

Well, maybe Russ could just
take back what he stole.

But he ate it!

He ate it? Oh, boy.

I was thinking of telling Russ
he should just forget about it.

Maybe no one will ever find out
what he did.

Maybe, Gus. But I know I'd hate to be
in Russ' shoes.

A thing like that
can really eat a kid up inside.

You're telling me-- I mean, Russ.

Of course, there is one thing he could do.

-What's that?
-He could turn himself in.

Turn himself in?

But then Russ will get in trouble,
big, big trouble!

Yeah, but what's worse,
Gus, getting in trouble,

or knowing he did wrong
for the rest of his life?

[sigh]

-Gus! How you doing, son?
-Huh?

Oh, fine, Mr. Kelso.
Well, I'll be seeing you.

Wait, you left this.

Oh, that's for you.
There's a note. Bye now.

"I did it. Signed, Gus"?

What's going on?

Hey, there must be nearly $ in here.

Actually, it's $ . .

I know it should be more,

but that's all I had in my piggy bank.

I'm old, Gus.
You gotta bring me up to speed.

Why are you giving this to me?

Well, you see, Mr. Kelso,

remember yesterday when you ran out
of Beanie McGum?

Well, that's 'cause I took it all.

You mean, you stole it?

See, there were these guys

and they had this secret creek.

Only it wasn't really a creek,

and there were this fish
and old cans and--

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's not why you stole it, Gus,

it's that you stole it.

I'm just disappointed.

On the other hand, what you did just now,

coming in here and fessing up.

That took guts.

Question is, how do you balance that out?

[clicks tongue]
Tell you what.

You come back every Saturday
for the next two months

and help me out around the store,

you know, work off the debt,
and we'll call it even.

-Really?
Only there's one condition.

[stuttering]
W-w-what's that?

You gotta promise me
you'll never do it again.

You got it, Mr. Kelso.

Good. Now, there is
one more thing we got to do .

Seal the deal with some ice cream cones.

Good job, Russ.

Happy monday morning,

and welcome to the kickoff assembly

for our annual science fair.

Here to introduce
the theme of this year's event

is the winner of the last
three science fairs in a row,

miss Gretchen Grundler.

[all cheering]

Thank you, fellow students.

It is an honor to announce

this year's science fair theme...

Help mankind.

For, you see, science is not merely

a fun and exciting means
of expending your leisure time.

It's also a tool to improve the world.

How, you may ask?

Simply devise an experiment
that uses science to help others

and you'll discover the answer.

And remember, turn in your applications

by thursday night

or you won't be allowed to participate.

Now, good luck and good science.

Man, Gretch, that speech was whompadelic.

Why, thank you, guys.

My goal was to inspire
unique and thoughtful projects.

Well, you sure inspired me.

That's why I'm doing the same unique
and thoughtful project I do every year.

-Volcano?
-Volcano.

-Volcano?
-Volcano.

Gusatoa, Vinsuvius, Mount Saint Mikey?

-[all] Volcano.
-[T.J.] Gretchen, volcano?

Don't even ask, Gus.

Gretchen's projects are always top-secret.

Well, science waits for no kid.

Come on, guys, we got fake stuff to make.

Happy pyroclastics!

Ah, the joy of inspiring one's comrades.

Oh, excuse me. I didn't see you there.

No, excuse me, Gretchen.

I'm sorry. Do I know you?

No, but I know you.
At least, I know all about you.

I was hoping you could sign
my Young Genius Girl magazine.

Just make it out to Becky Benson.

I didn't realize there was anyone else
in this school

read this magazine.

Well, I don't understand

some of the more complicated articles,

but like I always say,
"the way to get ahead

is to reach beyond your understanding."

What a refreshing philosophy.

One which leads me
to ask you another favor.

I seem to have reached
beyond my understanding

on my science project, and I was hoping

you could possibly offer me some pointers.

Well, I have a lot of work to do, but...

Oh, why not?

I mean, if I'm going to help mankind,

I might as well start by helping you.

Oh, Gretchen, you have a heart
as big as your brain.

Here's your problem, Becky.

Your negative wire shorts out

where it touches the metal clip.

Oh.

We simply reposition the wire, and...

Voilà.

You know, making a crank generator

is quite an impressive project
for a second grader,

but connecting it
to a Princess Polly's magic fun tiara,

is simply inspired.

Even a girl who can't afford batteries

deserves to feel like a princess.

You remind me
a little of myself at your age.

You know, it's my dream
to win the science fair,

just like you.

Tell you what, Becky,
since your project is all finished,

how would you like to help me finish mine?

-Do you mean it?
-Absolutely.

-May I take notes?
-I recommend it.

-To science?
-To science!

[slurping]

My volcano is painted green

in honor of my favorite
team, The Panthers.

Well, my volcano dramatically recreates

the eruption that helped us

defeat the British at Bunker Hill.

I've written a verse to my creation.

"Oh, volcano, mighty mount,

behold the products of thy molten fount."

Impressive, very impressive.

So it saddens me to blow you all away

with Mount T.J.

[all]
WOW.

[T.J.]
Rising from the mists

on the Island of Busted Shipwrecks,

one day-- boom! cr*ck-a-slam!

Who alone survives?

Just one lost kid and his
fun-loving monkey sidekick.

That, my friends,
is what volcanoes are all about.

-Cool.
-Awesome.

The finest volcano ever fashioned
by the hand of kid.

Think so, do ya? Well, does it blow up

with terrifying sounds of destruction

and a doomsday shower

of lifelike molten lava substitute?

Or does it just fizz up with a lame-o foam

of vinegar and baking soda?

That's what I thought.

Behold Mount Nightmare,
Third Street's first-ever

battery-operated volcano of doom.

Any of you boys want to rethink
your own plans?

I might be willing to help.

Well, this is where the magic happens.

In Hank's janitor shed?

Wow!

And this is my baby,

project .

What a beautiful name. Is it done?

Not quite.

There's still one missing ingredient,
the help of a friend.

[cranking sounds]

Time to run a little
doomsday dress rehearsal.

On the count of three,
hook up your batteries

and say your prayers.

... ... !

[buzzing]

Here it is.

Third Street's very first
working solar-powered generator.

At megawatts,
can really pump some wicked juice

into a stadium folk music retrospective.

So are we finished?

I just need to do a few more tests
to make sure it's working properly.

I can't thank you enough, Gretchen.

This has been the most--
[gasps]

-Oh, my goodness!
-What's the matter, Becky?

Your science fair application.
I just found it on the floor.

Egad! I was having so much fun
that I forgot all about it.

I'm sure miss Lebbod
is still in her office.

I'll just head over there right now
and turn it in.

Not to worry. I can turn in
both of our applications

on my way home.

Oh, Becky, would you?

It would be my pleasure.

And, hey, tomorrow's the big day,
so get some sleep.

I'll see you bright and early.

Oh, I'll be there.

[whistling]

Good morning, Menlo.

Good morning, Gretchen.
Here, early as always, I see.

Who could sleep in on science fair day?

Indeed. Here to watch, then?

I'm afraid I don't understand.

Well, you never turned in
your application.

And you crossed your name off
the sign-up list.

I, what?

Quite noble of you to step aside.
By the way, you should take a look inside.

Little Becky Benson's setting up a project

that would have given even you
a run for your money.

Little Becky?

[Gretchen gasping]

-Oh, hello, Gretchen.
-Becky, I'm confused.

You told me you were
handing in my application,

but my name was crossed off
the sign-up list,

and you copied my project!

I told you I wanted to win
the science fair.

I didn't think you meant this year!

[stuttering]
I-I trusted you!

Oh, come on, Gretchen. You always win.

What am I supposed to do,
wait until you graduate?

Besides, ever since kindergarten,
all I've ever dreamed about

is a first-place science fair trophy.

There's nothing in school
that compares to it.

You of all people can understand that.

I understand a lot of things,

but this...
I don't understand this at all!

[bubbling sounds]

[bubbling sounds]

[yawns]

[bubbling sounds]

So you see, sirs,

since our volcanoes weren't blowing up,

we did some research and decided
to join them all together

in a great ring of fire,
just like in nature.

All we had to do was move up
to a slightly bigger battery.

Little children and pregnant women,

you might want to leave the room.

Where's Gretchen Grundler's project?

Yes, we want to see Gretchen's.

Well, I'm afraid Miss Grundler pulled out
of the competition, this year.

But wait till you see little Becky Benson.

She looks to be
the Gretchen Grundler of tomorrow.

Gretchen not in the science fair?

Say it ain't so!

Gretchen, what are you doing in here?

Oh, nothing.

Just building a robotic sidekick

that won't steal my ideas and betray me.

Hi, I'm Tammy, and I'm honest.

You mean that little runt out there
stole your science project?

You can't let her get away
with this, Gretchen.

You gotta out there
and tell those judges the truth.

Oh, what's the point? I trusted her, guys.

I trusted her and she stole from me.

Come on, Gretch, you can't give up.

I mean, did Albert Edison give up

when they stole his theory of regularity?

Did Benjamin Franklin give up

when the Germans sh*t down his kite?

No, and why?
Because they were great scientists,

and when you're that great,

you don't let other guys
walk all over you.

You stand up and say,
"that's my really cool science project

you guys are going gaga over."

You know, T.J.? It's a strange,
bizarre way, you've made some sense.

C'mon. We've got to stop that little thief

before it's too late.

[Becky]
And so, at megawatts,

it could really pump some wicked juice

into a stadium folk music retrospective.

-[all laughing]
-[man] Yes, that's true.

This is one of the most
impressive science projects

I've seen in years.

Just answer one question, Becky.

How does it work?

Did you say "how does it work?"

Well, uh, you see, um...

She doesn't know the answer.

What it does is, uh...

I'll tell you what it does.

Gretchen, what are you doing here?

[Stammering]
I'm here to-- to--

I mean, what Becky
is trying to explain here

is that these panels contain
photovoltaic cells

which create an electric current

when struck by photons of light.

Becky was discussing this with me earlier.

Becky, you should be
very proud of yourself.

We'll announce our decision in a moment.

You-- you could have destroyed me.

Frankly, Becky, that was my intention.

But then I realized
that the experimental question here

is not whether I should
demand what is right,

but whether you will do what is right.

So, Becky, if all you want is a trophy,

by all means, take it.

But if you learned something more,

well, I'll be in the audience
collecting my data.

I am proud to announce the winner

of Third Street's annual science fair,

Little Becky Benson.

[cheering and applauses]

Thank you, principal Prickly, judges.

This is a great honor for me.

And, well,

the fact is, I can't accept this award,

since I, well, I stole my project

from Gretchen Grundler.

[audience gasps]

All I wanted was to be just like her--

To be as smart as her,
to be as looked up to as her,

but now I realise
it's not just because she's smart

and wins lots of awards
that Gretchen is looked up to.

It's also because she knows
how to be a good friend.

Someday, I hope I will, too.

Here you are, sir.

But then who's going to be our winner?

[rumbling]

Look out! They're going to blow!

[people screaming]

Now, well, I guess the award

goes to Detweiler and his friends.

[cheering]

To science?

To science.

[bell rings]