03x11 - The Dude/Bonky Fever

[bunniefuu]

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

Whaa!

Ah!

[burps]

No way! The live action Beanie McChimp

could drop kick
virtual Beanie McChimp any day.

But virtual McChimp has bulletproof skin

and can throw power bananas
at the forces of evil.

Sure, Gus, computer games
may be the future,

but I'll take my monkey heroes
live, furry, and fallible.

Hey!

[Spinelli] Who the hang is that guy?

Uh, swinger kid's dad?

No helmet. Better check this out.

Hi, mister. Nice day for a swing, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Ah, it's great to be back
at good old third street elementary.

Whoa! You went here?

Sure, back in the day.
Oh, enjoy this, guys.

These are some of the best times
you'll ever have.

The old place even smells the same.

It's the cafeteria.
That stink is permanent.

You got that right, kid.
Well, I gotta go, take her easy, guys.

You too, mister...

Name is Dudikoff. Frank Dudikoff.

-Did you say Dudikoff?
-[school bell rings]

Ah, the same old bell, too. Later.

Boy, for a grown-up, he sure was nice.

Nice? Guys, that dude was "The dude."

[all] "The dude"?

Of course, I should have known,

the great Franklin Dudikoff.

I'm getting goose bumps.

We're not worthy, man.

Um, I don't mean
to sound behind the times,

but who is this dude guy anyway?

Follow me, Gus, and I'll show you.

Legend has it the dude did that.

[Gus] "Big foot Finster was here."

A classic crackup.

A stunt like that could get you
crowned prankster prince.

He was that, Gus, and so much more.

He was the coolest kid to ever play
this hallowed grass.

He's my idol, my inspiration,
my guiding light.

They say he ascended to the king's throne
at the semi tender age of .

The only third-grader ever to do so.

I hear he led the great cafeteria revolt

against something they used
to call the Tuesday surprise.

Best of all, the dude
ran rings around Finster,

pulling prank after prank on her,
like this beauty right here.

There's a word I've heard reserved
for a special few... Moxie.

Yep. The grown man we met at the swings
is a living breathing legend...

Wow!

And I shook his hand.

It's still tingling.

I only wish I could have
asked the dude some questions.

Yeah. I'd like to know where
he got that giant shoe.

[Miss Grotke] Sorry I'm late, class,

But I was greeting
your new student teacher.

Please give a warm hello to Mr. Dudikoff.

[girl] Dudikoff? Whoa!
That must be "The dude."

Mr. Dudikoff will be with us
for a few weeks

learning how to help you learn by learning
while I quietly observe from the back.

I now hand the keys to your young minds
over to Mr. Dudikoff.

Good luck, Franklin,
and don't feel nervous

that your entire teaching career

depends on how you do
in these next two weeks.

Uh, I won't. Um, Miss Grotke
tells me you're about to study

the shocking field of electricity

And so I brought some materials to...

Yes, um, Theodore?

First of all,
let me just say I'm a huge fan,

gigantic, I just wanna say
welcome back, dude.

Well, uh, thank you,
But, uh, please, call me Mr. Dudikoff.

The dude never really belonged
in the classroom.

Got you, Mr. Dude-ikoff.

Now, uh, where did I put
that science text?

Ah, yes, here it is. Ahem.

"Electricity, part one.

All matter is composed of atoms.

Atoms, in turn, are composed
of subatomic particles,

protons, neutrons, and electrons...

Teej, what's this junk
got to do with electricity?

Shh. The dude is talking.

...the nucleus can be
thought of as the atom's core."

"Part , static electricity.

Static electricity is
the type of electricity created

when a balloon-type object, 'a,'

is rubbed vigorously against
a wool-type object, 'b.'"

What you talking about, dude?

Um, Mr. Dudikoff, could I
talk to you for a second?

Yes, ma'am.

It's ocurred to me Franklin, that maybe
my being here is making you a tad nervous.

Oh, no, Miss Grotke!

Well, maybe just a little,
but it is my first day, and--

How about if I go take care
of a few things in the office?

and you just stay here
and keep on teaching.

OK, kids, I leave you

in Mr. Dudikoff's sweaty
but capable hands.

[cleans throat]

[gulps]

Oh, boy, flying solo.

OK, uh, where were we?

Ah, "because there is no quick way

for the electrons to leave object 'a'"...

Face it, Teej, your dude's a dud.

Maybe the dude just needs
a little prompting.

Mr. Dudikoff, I got a question.

Uh, OK, Theodore, I'll try and clear up

whatever it is you don't understand.

What was it like being
the only third grader in history

to ever be king of the playground?

That's not in the lesson plan for today.

And tell us how you led
the great cafeteria revolt.

You know, they're still picking
dry noodles off and stuff.

Now, that would be worth writing down.

Kids, Miss Grotke is expecting me
to teach you about electricity and...

[kids] Oh!

Hey, maybe a diagram will help.

And what about Miss Finster?

Did you say "Finster"?

He's a washout, isn't he?

Oh... Ah... Muriel, I'm not sure I know
what you're talking about.

That Dudikoff kid can't be any good.

No, no, he's fine. He just needs
to find his inner teacher.

A boy like that will never be a teacher.

He's a bad apple, Grotke,
and bad apples never ripen.

Well, this apple did, Muriel.

Come with me and see for yourself.

And that's when Finster caught me

red-handed in front
of the whole playground.

[Franklin] And she makes
this big show of asking me,

[imitating Miss Finster]
"Franklin, did you bring

enough chewing gum for everyone?"

And I said, "why, ma'am, yes, I did,"

and I took out sticks of gum.

Oh, man, that is so dude.

[kids laughing]

What's in the lesson plan today, Grotke,
the history of hooliganism?

Hey, look, Mr. Dudikoff.
We saved you a spot in line.

Oh, easy there, Gus. Dudikoff is so stiff.

Just call me, uh, dude.

So what's the hairnet squad
dumping on us today, huh?

Oh, a little something
we decided to bring back

called Tuesday surpri--

Oh, no! Not you again.

Gladys, scrap the surprise,
and get on them sloppy joes.

Nice to see they remember.

[kids cheering]

Students, we have a serious lesson
ahead of us today.

-[all complain]
-Not the electricity thing again!

Back that! Wanna learn how even though
you're stuck in school all day,

you can still have
all the comforts of home?

See, now this is exactly
what I've been stressing to you people.

Long about years ago,

I figured out
that this old globe here was...

A hiding place extraordinaire!

Ah, my favorite gum, bubble-topia.

It's banned now, you know,
but have a piece.

But, dude, it's old.

No, my friend, it's vintage.

Long as there's no expiration date,
it's good to go.

-Tender.
-Supple.

I'm telling you, sir, this dude person
is a disgrace to the entire school.

He just needs a little time.

He should be doing time!

From what Miss Finster says--

Standing on desks,
lunchroom shenanigans...

Slapping a "pony rides
for $ " sign on my back!

He doesn't sound
like teacher material to me.

But principal Prickly, I get good vibes
from him, and the kids love him.

I think, he deserves another chance.

All right, Grotke,
I'm giving your Mr. Dudikoff

until : a.m. tomorrow morning

and then I'm coming down there
to see from myself.

If he hasn't cleaned up his act by then,
he'll be out of here.

For the second and last time.

After I return these tests
from the other day,

we're gonna break into groups.

Not reading groups, Doo-wop groups.

Franklin, I'm starting to think
you don't appreciate

the seriousness of your situation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Prickly's coming
down here in the morning to check me out.

And if you don't have your act together,
you won't pass your teacher training.

Oh, come on, Miss G, look at me.
I got a full-on rapport with these kids.

Just check out the dude's adoring fans.

An "f"? Dude!

Oh, boy! I'm in hot water here.

I am so disappointed in myself.

A-minus! My life
is flashing before my eyes.

Franklin, you did cover
the electricity material, didn't you?

Um... I think so. Pretty much, didn't we?

We may be in hot water,

but I got a feeling that dude's career
just went down the drain.

[school bell rings]

[children cheer]

See you tomorrow, Teej.

Yeah, see you guys tomorrow.

Oh, man. There goes my "video games
help me learn science" excuse.

Dude?

-Hey.
-Hey.

-What you doing?
-[highs] Saying goodbye.

I'm just not cut out to be a teacher.

This time I realize that--

Mind if I ask a question?

Sure, only if you don't raise your hand.

Well, you're totally cool
and young, right? I mean, you're the dude.

So what made you wanna be
a teacher, anyway?

Well, T.J., probably sounds kind of corny,

but I love the stuff you get to teach--

Science, history, literature.

I happen to think that stuff
is sort of cool.

Could have fooled me, dude.

I mean, that electromagnesia junk
was boring.

It doesn't have to be.

Electrons and protons
make up everything, man.

It's all a crazy swirling mess
bumping into itself out there,

you know, like a hard-core game
of maul ball

with some capture the flag
and a little freeze tag thrown in there.

-Get out!
-I won't!

Well, it's a bummer you won't be around
to teach us cool junk like that anymore.

Yeah, really. Would have been great, huh?

So long and best of luck, Mr. Dude.
It was a real honor.

Mr. Dude. Hmm...

Let's move it, sir. It's zero hour.

No need to push, Miss Finster.
The dude isn't going anywhere.

Oh, he's going somewhere, right out
those school doors for good.

Can't we give him scooch more time
to find himself?

We gave him time, Grotke.
He's not teaching here, he's playing.

[kids laughing]

OK, OK, keep the balls moving, kids.
Don't break the chain.

This is an ever-loving freak out!

Mr. Dudikoff!

Keep the ball moving, people.
Come on is a hand in.

Yes, sir, and how can I help you today?

What in blue places is going on here?

We're studying electricity.
It's not a thing...

-It's an event.
-We're excited atoms!

You see, the kids didn't get much
out of my boring lectures,

so I thought this little action-demo
might clear things up.

-Is it working?
-Let's find out, shall we?

Hey, Spinelli,
where does our circuit dead end?

It doesn't, Mr. Dude.

It's only a circuit
if the electrons keep moving.

-Hands up!
-But this can't be teaching.

-These students are having fun!
-What better way to learn?

Teaching by the book
wasn't getting anywhere,

and the dude
really wasn't helping, either.

Then last night, it hit me.

Why not combine the best of both
of those guys--

the brainy guy and the fun guy?

And voilà! Mr. dude.

Marvelous, Franklin.
I believe, you'll make a fine teacher.

Principal, Prickly, don't you have
anything to say to this boy?

Yes. Welcome to the profession, Mr. Dude.

Let's golf Sunday.

I'm keeping my eye on you.

I wouldn't have it
any other way, Miss Finster.

Tender.

Supple.

Book bag, lunch money.

-Mom!
-Tissue.

-Mom!
-Underpants.

-Mom!
-I know I'm embarrassing you,

But it won't be for much longer.

You turn on Saturday.
You know what that means.

Starting Monday,

You get to come to wait for the bus
all by yourself.

Mom...

Can you believe it?
The Mikester's turning the big - .

He has achieved the full decacade of life.

He will reap all the benefits
appertaining there too.

When I turn , my dad's gonna bump me up

to the next allowance bracket
to a sweet $ . per.

I'll be staying up
till : Tuesday nights.

It'll be just me, the tv,
and "The adventures of Beanie McChimp."

I wonder what the Mikester's gonna do.

I don't know. Let's ask him.

-Hey, Mikey.
-How's it going, man?

You must be getting pretty excited
about the big day, eh, Mikey?

[Spinelli] Mikey?

-[Spinelli] Yo, Mikey!
-Huh? What?

You OK? You look like you just lost
your best fruit pie.

Huh? Yeah, fruit pie.

Come on, guys, time to hit the books.

[yelling]

Hey, somebody dropped their sippy cup.

Bonky.

[children] ♪ Bonky, Bonky,
speckled little dragon ♪

Hello, old friend.

♪ Bonky, Bonky ♪

Hey, Mikey, got your invitation
to the birthday bash on Saturday.

Yeah, our first double-digit
doo-dah. Tender.

I trust you've selected
a sophisticated juice

to commemorate the day.

Huh? Oh, yeah, I think we're having apple.

He thinks we're having apple?

That's weird. Just last week Mikey
couldn't wait to turn .

Now he doesn't care enough to know

what kind of juice
we're having at his party.

Yeah, ever since yesterday,
he's been acting funny.

That tends to happen
as people begin to age.

Their bodies fail them, their brains
aren't quite what they used to be...

Listen, I've known Mikey
over half my life,

and there is nothing wrong with that boy.

[toy squeaks]

Of all our founding persons,
which one said, "I cannot tell a lie"?

Anyone? Anyone?

-[Miss Grotke] Mikey?
-George Bonkyton?

I mean, uh, George Washington.

Uh, good save, Mikey.

Now let's all turn to page ,

which gives lie
to the whole cherry tree myth.

"The cow says moo!"

Huh?

Come on, Vince! Do your worst.

Put it right here.
I ain't afraid of no kickball!

OK, you made your point.

Mikey, heads up!

Mikey, what do you have, a death wish?

I told you, never turn
your back when Vince is--

[gasp]

Mikey, your face-- it's...blue!

Oh, I fell in a puddle... Of blueberries!

Uh, I gotta go clean up.

A puddle of blueberries?

Uh, guys, I don't know
how to say this but,

Mikey wasn't eating
blueberries, he was...

Sucking on a Bonky pop!

A Bonky pop? But they're
for kindergartners!

[T.J.] Yeah, and that's not all.

Look.

Bonky Stuff? But why?

Isn't it obvious?
We've all gone through a Bonky phase,

usually at age two or three.
Maybe at latest five.

Still, to regress into
an infantile Bonky obsession

At the age of , this is very serious.

Oh, I can see, as I didn't like Bonky
when I was supposed to,

and I don't like him now.

Yeah, and besides we can't hang out
with a -year-old Bonky freak.

We'll be the laughingstock
of the playground.

But guys, this is Mikey
we're talking about.

The Mikester, the Mikeonator our friend.

We can't just give up on him. He needs us.

Well, what can we do?

We could take all this Bonky junk
and chuck it down the ravine.

No, I've got a better idea.

A face to face confrontation.

We go up to Mikey,
look him right in the eye,

and tell him we know
all about his Bonky stuff.

He'll be so embarrassed,
he'll stop playing with Bonky.

Just like that. You'll see.

Hey, Mikey, you forgot your backpack.

Oh, uh, thanks.

Look, man, the dragon's out the bag.
We know you're all hung up on Bonky.

I'm quite sure I don't know
what you're talking about.

Come on, man.
Your book bag's jammed with Bonky junk.

I mean, that's gottta be a cry for help.

That's not Bonky junk. It's...

OK, it is, but it was
put there by someone else,

enemies, how to get me.

Please, Mikey, get off that stuff
before the whole school finds out.

Never!

Mikey, wait!

Whoa!

Hey, look, everybody,
Mikey's playing with Bonky stuff.

[kids] ♪ Mikey loves Bonky,
Mikey loves Bonky ♪

You guys just... just...
Just be quiet!

Maybe confronting him wasn't
the best thing to do after all.

Poor Mikey. We've gotta do something.

Confrontation didn't work.
I suggest we try acceptance.

-Acceptance?
-You gotta be kidding.

Look, if we support Mikey
by accepting his new lifestyle,

perhaps it'll help build his self-esteem.

Well, I guess it's worth a try.

[sighs]

Hey, Mikey, sorry
about what happened earlier.

Here, you dropped something.

Bonky!

Yeah, ain't he the cutest?

Waah! Waah! Waah!

Uh, here you go, man.

[Ashley] A Bonky blankie?

That went out, like, four grades ago!

Excuse me, but may I
please have some more?

Not for me, but for Bonky.

Bonky loves pudding.

No seconds on dessert. Bye-bye, Bonky.

Bonky want pudding! Bonky want pudding!

Mikey, Mikey, it's OK.
Bonky can have my pudding.

Thank you, Vince. Bonky loves Vince.

-T.J.! T.J.!
-Come on, Mikey, I got my ups here.

Will you walk Bonky
and me to the bathroom?

-We got to potty.
-You what? Time-out!

OK, Confrontation didn't work.
Acceptance didn't work.

Spinelli, looks like you were right.
The only solution left is...

-Get him!
-Huh?

What's going on?
Stop it! That tickles!

This is for your own good, man.

Please don't hate me for this, Mikey.

That which doesn't k*ll you,
makes you stronger.

Bonky! No!

[Mikey] Bonky!
[grunts]

-Miss Finster?
-What is it, Detweiler?

[Sighs] Bonky stuff, ma'am.
I found it under the swings.

You know toys from home
are strictly forbidden.

Yeah, I thought you should... lock him up.

[Mikey screams]

I'm sorry, Mikey. I saw no other way.

Now your recovery can begin.

Doesn't it feel good to get
that dragon off your back?

Yeah, you guys are right.
It was for my own good.

I shouldn't be playing
with little kids' stuff.

I mean, heck, in a few days,
I'm gonna be the big - , right?

Exactly!

Well, I better get inside.

I believe the Bonky nightmare
is finally over.

Everybody ready to honor
our old friend Mikey?

Our ten-year-old friend Mikey. I got him
a supersonic glow-in-the-dark football.

I'm paying tribute with a remote control
tyrannosaurus rexadon.

Bicepto, w*rlord of destruction.

[all] Oh!

This is gonna rock!

-[door bell rings]
-[kids shouting]

Hey, what the heck are a bunch
of kindergarteners doing here?

You don't think...

[gasp]

Tell me I'm not seeing this.

Hey, guys, join the party. We love Bonky.

Oh, my goodness, boys and girls,
guess who's here.

Oh, no!

♪ Bonky, Bonky ♪

Bonky!

Yuk, yuk, yuk.
Hi-de-hI there, kiddly-widdlies.

It's Bonky time!

[laughter]

Oh, man, Mikey fell off the Bonky wagon.

We've got to destroy this Bonky obsession,
once and for all.

You guys thinking what I'm thinking?

I see no other way. Fan out.

Now!

You think this is Bonky?
I'll show you Bonky!

Ah!

[gasp]

Mrs. Blumberg?

Oh, uh, hi there, kids.

My mom is Bonky? Oh, my head hurts!

Lamb chop, wait.

[laughs] So, who knows the hokey-pokey?

Now we play pin-tail-on-big-kid.

-You haven't sat here in a long time.
-I know.

You seem pretty upset that it was me
inside this Bonky costume.

How would you like it if your biggest hero

turned out to be nothing more than
your mom dressed in a rubber suit?

You know, honey, calling Bonky
your biggest hero

is a little, well, weird, don't you think?

Not you, too.

Oh, buttercup,
this is probably all my fault.

I thought by putting on this suit

I'd be helping you get over
this Bonky obsession,

but all I've really done
is make things worse.

No, it's not your fault.

I know Bonky's for little kids,
and I know it's not right

for me to be playing with him
all the time.

It's just, the other day when you left me
at the bus stop

and told me how I wasn't
gonna need you anymore,

well, I started to miss the old days.

The old days?

You know, those halcyon preschool days,

when it was just you, me, and Bonky.

And I thought maybe if I kept him around,

it would be a way
of keeping you around, too.

Oh, honey, I'm not going anywhere.

-You're not?
-No. I'll be around.

It's just you're growing up,

and as you grow up, you have to learn

to do things more on your own
without your mom or Bonky by your side.

But that doesn't mean I'll be gone.

I'll always be with you in here.

-Really?
-Really.

Heck, you're my buttery
little lamb chop cup.

And you're my apple dumpling mama.

And you're my little
chocolate-covered pumpkin pie.

What are they talking about out there?

As far as my lip-reading skills
can determine,

they're talking about food.

[gulp]

Book bag, lunch money.

Tissue.

Underpants.

[sniffles]