03x12 - The Barnaby Boys/Buried Treasure

[bunniefuu]

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

Wha!

Oof!

Ah!

[fizzing]

[burp]

[children playing in the background]

[Gretchen] I never thought
I'd see the day.

T.J. and Vince shrugging off
the bonds of free play

to embrace the warmth of the written word.

Ah, the solitary pleasure.

Ah, the unbalanced kickball teams.

Come on, you guys, put the books down
and let's get a-kicking.

Shh. Can't you see I'm deeply involved
in a Barnaby Boys mystery?

Must I exclaim it at the top of my lungs?

You're gonna exclaim it?

That's Barnaby-ese
for saying something loud.

I'm telling you, guys,
these books are the greatest.

Yeah, the "B" boys rock,
they solve a case a week.

A case a week? That's impossible.

Not for the B boys, they use a system
of careful observation and keen logic.

But, T.J., that's just fiction.

Solving crimes is a difficult task.

Just watch the reality-based
police series Uncracked Cases.

Yeah? Well, maybe the police
aren't up on the latest B boy techniques.

What? You gotta be kidding.

The cops know a lot more
than whoever writes those dumb books,

and they still don't know
who swiped the head off the bronze statue

of Thomas Jefferson in the town square.

And that was years ago. Hello.

Jefferson? I always thought
that was a statue

of the headless horseman

from Irving's immortal
"Legend of Sleepy Hollow."

Well, whoever it was, the B boys
would have cracked the case quick.

They help the cops nab the bad guys...

And still had time to joke around
with their pals Sam and Dil

aboard their dad's sloop, The Bloodhound.

Oh, come on! Real life
isn't like a Barnaby Boys book.

Now let's play already
before we waste a whole recess.

[bell rings]

Too late. Thanks, guys.

After you, Theo.

No, after you, Vin. By the way,
call me after school.

I have a crackerjack idea for tomorrow.

[sniffs] Chocolate pudding.
I'd bet my life on it.

Brilliant deduction, Theo,

and you'll notice,
the pudding's in the proof.

Well, look who's here.
It's the Barnaby boys!

Give us a break, Spinelli.

We just wanna help the world.

You wanna help? Lose the sweaters.

Say, Theo, I noticed that Finster
keeps touching her nose,

but only when she passes the hot food,
never the cold.

Who's she signaling and why?

Maybe she's sensitive to the steam tables.

Maybe she hates the smell of liver.

Maybe she-- Hey!

Whoops. Enjoy your grub, young'uns.

-Who was that?
-Judging by the mop and bucket?

I'm guessing it was... the janitor.

If that's the janitor, where's Hank?

-Can any of you ID this guy?
-Nope.

-Not me.
-Nuh-uh.

This is a big deal,
that substitute janitor reminds me

of the bad guy in "The Case of the Really,
Really Bad Guy."

Gee, we have a substitute janitor.

I'd better get the cops!

Not yet, Spinelli.
But this does look like a case for...

[both] The Barnaby boys!

Our first mystery, "The Case
of the Curious Custodian."

This is gonna be extra tender.

This is gonna be extra lame.

[kids laughing]

So, Vince, I mean, Vin,
what do you guys plan to do?

We're gonna play a game
of squeeze-the-weasel.

Sounds fun, but I'm not sure
I know the rules.

It's not really a game, Mikey old boy.

We're gonna squeeze Randall into giving us
the lowdown on our mystery man.

Wait a minute,
how did some short, bald guy with a mop

become a mystery man?

You're right. Maybe he's not a man,
just like the grown-up boy

in "The Case of the Dampened Rug."

Let's move.

Oh, boy.

-Ah!
-Alright, Randall,

what can you tell us
about the new janitor?

I don't know nothing about no new janitor.

Name's Earl Raymond.
He worked here a long time ago.

Keep on singing, I like your tune.

I told you, I don't know nothing.

He's substituting for Hank for two weeks
since Hank won a trip to Bermuda.

Bermuda, eh?

You did all right for a guy
who didn't know anything.

-Now, get out of here!
-Right, right.

Think he knew anything else
he didn't know, Vin?

I don't think so, Theo.

So what's your next move, boys?

Well, we've got the name.

Now it's time to find out
who this Earl Raymond really is.

He's a janitor!

Oh, jeez.

Can't be done.
A personnel file is school property,

therefore coming under the rules
of the board of Ed.

Oh, come on, Menlo.

Sorry, it's off limits.

Shall we try Biff's technique

from "The Case of the Stifled Sneeze"?

Yeah, that just might work.

But don't we need a couple of ascots
and a captain's hat?

Oh, brother.

Give them the file
or you'll be getting something

from "The Case of the Girl
Who Could b*at the Snot Out of Menlo."

OK! OK!

Follow me.

[T.J.] Here it is. Earl Raymond.

Apparently, that is his real name.

He was the janitor here years ago.

Then, after working for a year,
he mysteriously vanished.

Does it say "mysteriously vanished"
in there?

Hurry up.

Miss Lemon's bunion scrape
won't last all day.

And it seems that lately

he's been sending in applications
to get his old job back,

even though he works as a janitor
at another elementary school

much closer to his home.

That's weird.
Why is this school so special?

And why did he disappear
in the first place?

So many questions...

And precious few answers.

I got an answer for you. Who cares?

Hello. What's this?

It looks like an old candy wrapper.

And there's writing on the back.

[T.J.] " , , and ."

That's strange.

Why would Earl Raymond
put this in his file?

Maybe he didn't.
But maybe somebody else did,

someone who was trying to leave a clue
as to Earl Raymond's true identity.

What are you talking about, Gretch?

It's quite simple, look.

The th letter of the alphabet is "s,"

the th, "p," and the th, "y."

[together] Spy!

Guys, looks like we'll be spending
our next few recesses spying on a spy.

Oh, brother.

[suspenseful music playing]

[spitting]

[knocking]

How's the stakeout coming, Gus?
Anything unusual?

No, he just keeps measuring that wall
with the poster.

[Gretchen] That's the same wall
I saw him tapping on this morning.

He's absolutely fixated on that spot.

So he likes the spot.
That doesn't make him mysterious.

Of course it's mysterious.
I mean, what's he looking for?

And why?

Perhaps he was tapping the wall
to see if there's something behind it.

Yeah, maybe he's looking
for something that was there

that's not anymore.

So the question becomes,
"what used to be there?"

Perhaps our answer lies
in the school's old blueprints.

[Vince and T.J.] "The Case
of the Sleazy Slumlord"!

And right here is the spot
our Mr. Raymond keeps revisiting.

[Vince] It just shows the wall.

If only we could go back in time
and see what used to be there.

Maybe we can.

[Gretchen] These old yearbooks
are a window into history.

Can you see the time
when we used to play at recess?

Hey, listen to this!

"The children seem to love
young Muriel Finster

and her innovative new ideas."

Must be a misprint.

All know is we don't have an answer

to our mystery
and we're running out of books.

[Gus] I got it!

-Lockers!
-Huh?

They used to have lockers in the school.

And they were right in front
of Earl's favorite spot.

Of course. How could I be so dense?

- - is no secret code.
It's a locker combination.

Which means Earl
must have stashed something in a locker.

And now he's come back to get it.

I wonder where those old lockers are now.

Perhaps in storage.

That's a lot of lockers,
I don't think this school

has a storage room big enough
to fit them all.

[Vince] Oh, yes, it does.
Right behind the school clock.

I never knew
there was a room behind the clock.

Well, there is.
Quick, to the storage room!

Oh, boy! We're gonna solve a mystery!

Will you guys quit it already?
This whole thing is stupid.

And you guys are being stupid
to go along with it.

Well, if you think we're being so stupid,
Spinelli, don't come.

Fine. Then I won't.

But, Spinelli...

Let her go, Mikey,
we got a mystery to solve.

[Gus] Gee, it's pretty dark up here.

Yeah, kinda reminds me
of the untimely demise of Mr. Spears.

Why does it remind you
of an untimely demise?

´Cause this is just like the place
where they found the bodies.

B-b-bodies?

Yeah. Cool, huh?

Rats! A locked door.

A logjam in our steady stream of clues.

There's got to be a way to get in.

-There is.
-A toothpick?

Just like in "The Case
of the Purloined Chef."

I took the liberty of reading
the entire Barnaby series last night.

After math and before bed.

[clicking sounds]

Come on!

I kinda don't like it much in here.

[stammers] Me neither.

Ah! A velociraptor!

[both] Ah!

[chuckles] Oh, man, you guys are too easy.

Vin, the time for kidding around
is later when we're on the sloop.

Right now we gotta find those lockers.

-Maybe we better split up.
-Split up?

Yeah, if you find anything,
whistle twice, just like the Barnabys do.

[gasps]

[tries to whistle]

Whistle! Whistle!

It's an old teaching skeleton.

You mean it used to teach here?

-[Vince] Guys, guys, I found them.
-Yes! Here we go.

Good job, Vin.

-But which one is it?
-Everybody start trying combinations.

We'll find the right one.
Remember, it's - - .

[clicking sounds]

-[squeaking hinges]
-Ah! A human head!

[Vince] That's not human, Mikey.
That's bronze.

Wait a second. I got a hunch.
Anybody got a nickel?

It's Jefferson!

And that means...

We caught the guy
who swiped Jefferson's head.

[Raymond] Looks more like he caught you.

Thanks for leading me up here, kids.

I couldn't for the life of me

figure out where they put
them dang lockers.

You'll never get away with this, Raymond.

[Raymond] Actually, I probably will,

seeing as the statute
of limitations on my crime

runs out at midnight tonight.

Limitations? I thought
it was a statue of Jefferson.

It means that after midnight,
he can no longer be prosecuted

-for his crime.
-Oh.

[Raymond] I'm gonna sell old Jeff here
back to the town

for times what I asked for
all them years ago.

What did you ask for back then?

bucks and a head start.

And now you want times more?

Whoa! That's nearly bucks!

Let my pals go, Raymond.

It's me and Vin you should blame
for tracking you down.

Well, I'd like to let you young'uns go,
but I can't take that chance.

You kids are gonna be locked up in here
for quite a while.

I hope you brought plenty of snacks.

You're a very bad man.

And you are not much of a janitor, either.

Why, you little--

[Spinelli] Not so fast, Raymond.

[Gus] Hey, look, it's Spinelli!

[Mikey] And the school police!

Earl Raymond, you're under arrest
for the decapitation

of a statue of the third president
of the United States.

[stammering] But it's not how it looks.

Tell it to the judge.

By the way,
he's a descendant of Jefferson.

Ah, dang it!
And I'd have gotten away with it too,

if it hadn't been for them meddling kids.

Thanks, kids. Another eight hours,

and he would have been off scot-free.

Spinelli, you saved us!

I thought you said we were being stupid.

Well, you were, coming up here
without the authorities.

Thad and Biff would never do that.

Thad and Biff? That means...

You read the Barnabys?

Well, I might have casually glanced
through volumes one through .

[shutter clicking]

Now, remember, class,
please take this new history book

with a grain of salt,
since it focuses primarily

on the history of white western males.

Oh, dear, T.J., I'm afraid
they didn't supply us

with enough books for you.

So, can I leave?

No, no. I'll dig you out an old copy.

Here we go.

[blows]

Um, Miss Grotke, this book
is really, really old.

It says here that man
will never walk on the moon.

Well, you'll have to share
with your neighbor

when we get to that chapter.

Now, let's read
about how the barbaric Europeans

stole this country
from the Native Americans...

[Miss Grotke] ...

Hello. What's this?

"Follow these clues and take good measure,

then you will find
the Third Street treasure."

Treasure? Cool.

[bell ringing]

[children cheering]

What's the hurry, Teej?

Can't tell you here. Come on.

OK. You guys have to promise me
not to breathe a word of this to anybody.

-Cross your heart--
-Just cut to the chase, will you?

OK, I opened the history book
that Miss Grotke gave me

and found this, directions
to the Third Street treasure.

-I'm rich, I'm rich!
-Yes! I always wanted treasure.

Way to not breathe a word, guys.

Wow, treasure! I wonder what it is.

Maybe it's silver.

Silver nothing! It's gold!
Gold, I tell ya!

Look, I'm sure
it will make us all millionaires,

but not if every kid
on the playground knows about it.

What we gotta do is follow the clues,
but be real quiet about it.

Right, right.
So read the first clue, Grundler.

OK, here goes,
"Climb and conquer the iron beast,

then turn your attention to the East."

Iron beast? What iron beast?

I believe our clue leavers
may be referring to Old Rusty.

Well, what are we waiting for?

"Look to the back door, but don't go in.

Go around the corner
to the garden of Quinn."

There's the back door,
but what's the garden of Quinn?

If memory serves, the bust
in the main hall

is that of a Mr. Eaton Quinn,

Third Street's first kindergarten teacher.

Poor soul. They took him away
in a straitjacket.

Look, in the kindergarten area,

isn't that one
of those wooden garden things?

It's a trellis, which means--

There used to be a garden there! Let's go!

[snoring]

[yawns]

[gasps]

"The treasure is close,
so don't think of stopping.

Go to yon box and beware
of cat droppings."

Box? I don't see any box.

Gus, get up on Mikey's shoulders
and look over that fence.

Nothing over there except the old sandbox.

That's it! The old sandbox!

-Look, inter-wopers!
-Get them!

Run!

Sir, we have a situation, I have reason
to believe Detweiler's deviants

are planning a breakout.
They've got some old book,

and they're counting off paces.
It's very strange.

All children are strange, Miss Finster.

But, Principal Prickly, sir--

Please, Miss Finster, I have work to do.

Yes, sir.

Counting paces. Hmm.

[shouting]

Whew! That was close.

Enough yakking. Let's get to the sandbox.

Hey, kid, don't you know cats
use that sandbox as a bathroom?

[spits] Water! Water!

OK, Gretch, we're in yon box.
Read the next clue.

"A hundred paces across the lawn,
but hit the curb, too far you've gone.

Dig with zeal, measure for measure,

'cause you're atop
the Third Street treasure."

Count them off, Teej. I smell success.

Yeah, and hurry. I smell sandbox.

[T.J.] ... ... --
Hey, what's the deal here?

-We hit a fence.
-I was afraid of that.

According to this old map,
the playground used to be much wider

until back in the 's
when they put in the faculty parking lot.

But that means our treasure
is buried under that slab of asphalt.

Oh, man, we can't dig through asphalt.

Hey, my uncle
is in the construction business.

He can get us dynamite.

It's an intriguing proposition, Spinelli,

but high expl*sives
may attract unwanted attention.

Not to mention
blow the gold to bits, dummy.

Hey! I don't see you coming up
with any brilliant gold-getting ideas.

Oh, it's gonna be like that, is it?

Guys! Guys! Sure,
we can't dig through asphalt,

but we know someone who can.

Oh, no. No way. I'm not sharing
any of my loot with the digger boys!

I'm with shorty.

Those two don't get so much
as a doubloon from my take.

You guys got any better ideas?

[Dave] I wouldn't recommend
trying to dig through it.

That blacktop is probably
a good half a foot thick.

We'd need the backhoe,

and we're not allowed
to bring that to school.

Of course, we could tunnel
under the pavement

-from the playground somewhere.
-[Spinelli] A tunnel?

Are you nuts? Everyone in the school
would see us digging!

Not if we start the tunnel
inside some place where no one could see,

someplace like the Ashleys' clubhouse.

You know, wait a minute.

The Diggers were one thing,
but the Ashleys?

Yeah, you've gotta draw
the line somewhere.

But, guys--

Forget it, Teej. We've made up our minds
and we are not changing them back!

No Ashleys!

OK. You may dig in our clubhouse,
but we demand equal shares,

you are not to get a spec dirt on our rug,

and those digger dweebs
may not look at us or sniff our stuff.

-Oh, brother.
-Ladies, you have a deal.

Uh, one problem, T.J.

If we're digging a secret tunnel
inside the clubhouse,

where are we gonna hide all the dirt?

-[coughs]
-Randall, what are you doing in there?

The better question is
what were you doing with that dirt?

-Um, playing?
-Really?

OK, I admit it,
we're digging for buried treasure.

The Diggers are helping us
and we are doing it

in the Ashleys' clubhouse.

-What a sap.
-You won't tell anybody, will you?

´Course not... just as long
as you let your old pal Randall

wet his beak a little.

Makes me sick. Splitting the loot
with the Ashleys is one thing,

-but Randall?
-At least we know he's a good lookout.

[Miss Finster] Randall,
what are you doing up there?

Just, uh, getting a bird's-eye view
on trouble, Miss Finster.

Good thinking, boy.

What can you tell me
about Detweiler and his group?

Uh... I see nothing. I know nothing.

I wonder.

According to Gretchen's core samples,

we're getting close to the treasure.

Just a few more feet ought to do it.

Good work. Keep digging, guys.

Man, I can't wait
to get my hands on that gold.

First thing I'm buying is season tickets
for a skybox at the dome.

I'm buying a candy store
and paying some flunky to run it.

I'll make a bundle,

-plus get all the free candy I can eat.
-[bell ringing]

Well, that's it for today.
We better get inside to class.

[Spinelli] Wait
just one cotton-picking minute.

We are so close
I can practically smell the gold,

and you guys are leaving?

Yeah, I say we play hooky
and dig up the loot.

Look, if we stay out here,
Finster will come looking for us.

Personally, I draw the line
at cutting her in.

Come on, guys.

-Ladies first.
-No, no, after you.

We leave together.

[sips]

Dirt?

Something's going down. I can taste it.

[buzzing]

-[knocking]
-Ouch!

What is it now, Miss Finster?

Remember my suspicions about the children?

Well, they are planning something,
something that involves dirt.

Kids and dirt on a playground.
Yes, very suspicious.

You're getting paranoid, Muriel.
Let it go.

Won't be long now.

Remember, class, your essays
on how the settlers should have behaved

upon their arrival on these shores

will be graded for both spelling
and sensitivity.

Uh, Miss Grotke?
May I please use the restroom?

Certainly, Vince. Hurry back.

Don't let him do it, Miss Grotke!
He wants it all for himself!

I mean, may I be excused, too?

All right, but no dillydallying.

Since when do you use
the bathroom at school?

You always wait till you get home.

I had two milks at lunch, sue me.

Yeah, right!
You were planning to sneak out

and dig up the treasure for yourself.

What? You're nuts...
not that I didn't think about it.

I sure don't wanna split any of my booty

with the Ashleys and weasel boy.

-So, what if we don't?
-Huh?

How about you and me
sneak out there after school

and dig it up? Just the two of us.

-I like the way you think, Spinelli.
-So do I.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I really gotta go.

Fine, but I'm waiting outside the door,

and I better not hear
that window go up, partner.

-[bell ringing]
-[children cheering]

You guys coming or what?

-Uh... well...
-We were gonna take a shortcut home.

Yeah, come on, Spinelli.
We'll catch up with you guys tomorrow.

-Think they fell for it?
-Like a box of suckers at Kelso's.

[T.J.] Freeze, you bums.

So you took a shortcut home, eh?

Where do you live, the treasure hole?

You guys were gonna take all the gold
for yourselves!

That's a darn lie!

Besides, we were gonna cut you guys in.

I can't believe you two
would do this to us.

Yeah, we are your partners.

Have you no honor?

[Vince] Sheesh, I guess
I never thought of it like that.

You guys are right.

Now let's get in there

and get that treasure
before the others show up!

-[Mikey] Yeah!
-[Gus] Let's go!

Hey, wait a minute!

Listen, guys I really don't think
this is a good idea.

Yeah, yeah, just hurry up
before anybody... Hey!

[gasps]

What are you guys doing here?

Like, duh, It's the Ashley clubhouse,

we Ashleys can have meetings
whenever we want.

Since when is Randall an Ashley?

He's, uh... an honorary member.

-[scraping noises]
-Uh, yeah, scandalous.

[Sam] We got it!
Now we only have to split it seven ways.

-[thud]
-[both] Uh-oh.

You lousy bums were gonna cheat us.

Well, what are you doing back here
after school?

Planning to cheat us?

Big deal. The treasure was ours
in the first place.

Well, now it's ours.

[both] Ours!

[Ashleys and Randall] Ours!

-Ours!
-Ours!

-Ours!
-[D.J. whistles]

Can't you see
what the treasure's doing to us?

We're acting like a bunch of jerks.

I mean, when I first found those clues
in the back of the book,

I just thought
it would be a fun adventure

with my friends.

But now I wish
I never even found the stupid thing.

Gee, we're sorry
you feel that way about it, Teej.

I get his share!

[clanking]

[everyone gasps] The treasure!

[creaking]

[Vince] It's just a bunch
of old toys and junk.

No gold, no silver, no nothing.

This is, like, the worst treasure ever.

Look, there's a note in the lid.

"No grown-ups
have ever read these words..."

[Gretchen reads]

"We, too, were just kids,
third streeters like you.

We found the treasure,
then buried it anew.

But not before we dropped in some toys

that brought to us all
an assortment of joys.

So play with this stuff,
then dump it back in

for future third streeters
to hunt down again."

You mean those kids
put in their favorite toys

just to share them with us?

And I wanted to hoard
all the treasure for myself.

Man, I feel like such a jerk.

[Gretchen] Some of these toys
are quite old.

A G.I. John, a model dirigible,

a stone age ball...

Hey, I got an idea,

why don't we put some
of our best stuff in here

for kids in the future?

Sure, but first
let's do what that olden-times kid

said in the poem. Let's play!

Man, these toys are great.

No kidding.

[clicking sound]

Hey, what's this?

[Gretchen] "Property of Petie P."

Kid had excellent taste in wind up autos.

I wonder whatever happened to him.

[beeping]

I'd like to speak to Chief Justice
Brenda J. Throckmorton, please.

It's very urgent.

Hello, Binky? It's Petie. They found it.

years, months, hours,
minutes, and seconds.

I'd say we hid that treasure real good.

[bell rings]