03x25 - Lawson and His Crew

[bunniefuu]

[school bell rings]

[children cheer]

Ah!

Ah!

[burp]

[King Bob] A royal thanks to you,
smart girl.

A royal thanks to you,
large thoughtful boy.

A royal thanks to you,
kid who always wins.

A royal thanks to you,
friend of smart girl.

A royal thanks to you,
girl who runs with fists.

And last but not least,

a royal thanks to you,
you crazy monkey boy.

You know why we have gathered.

Superintendent Skinner's plan
to make us wear school uniforms

has been defeated.

[children cheer]

These six chums, once again,
through quick and decisive action,

put the needy of my playground first,
which, in this case, included us all.

Please, now show them your appreciation.

[children cheer]

I am so sick of those six.

Keep the sugar coming.
Dazzling use of the Ashleys, sport.

It was nothing really, Sire.

Once we let them accidentally
see Spinelli's sketches

of what the new school uniforms
might look like,

it wouldn't be long before their folks got
on the horn to Skinner.

It's bad enough they keep
b*ating us at kickball,

but Detwhomper and his buddies
keep making stuff better

and getting all the glory, too.

-Maybe we should hold a practice.
-What?

You know, get more better at kickball.

This ain't about kickball, dope.
I want some of that glory.

So, we're not going to play kickball?

No, we're not going to do anything.

If I'm going to get some glory,
what I need is a whole new group.

Jocko, Chewie, you boys is fired.

Oh.

A whole new crew. How about that?

It only took me most
of fifth grade to think it up.

Ah. Another perfect day
at third street school.

Partially thanks to us.

Man, ever think about what this place
would be like without us?

Kids might still be plagued
by King Morty's depression-era rules.

Randall would be a prince.

The Ashleys would have gotten away
with rating kids.

And library kid might have wrecked
the whole playground and herself.

Yeah, there's no two ways around it.

We serve a pretty important purpose
in these parts.

-Um, you guys--
-Hey ya, Chippy. What's shaking?

Nothing. Just the second and third graders
are about to go to, um, w*r.

But that could pit brother
against brother.

Or brother against sister.

Something must be done.

As usual, it looks like
we're this playground's only hope.

[all] Yeah. Let's do it.

Mikey, we may need your winger dingers.

Anything for the cause of peace.

Thanks, Michael. All right. Let's move.

It's nice to know we can always
count on you guys.

[Mikey] Pardon us, kind playmates.
Peacekeepers coming through.

[Spinelli] Yeah, out of the way already.

OK! Let's get their leaders

and sort things out
over some winger dingers.

Stay back!

Nobody gets in the way
of our peace missions.

-Now move it or lose it, Skeens.
-Hold up, Spinelli.

I think we're on the brink
of something special.

You finally figure out how to spell
your name right on the side of the school?

Shh!

Young kids and younger kids,

follow your leaders.
The troubles are over.

[children cheer]

Nothing to see here, folks.
w*r has been unwarded.

Return to your games and fun.

I repeat, return to your games and fun.

-What in the--
-Look.

Thanks for giving up your winger dingers.

[burp] Anything for the cause of peace.

-[all] Hey!
-And what's up with that?

Hey! Those little runts really look up
to you.

Well, I did teach most of them to swing.

I didn't know those guys were friends.

Wobenbabula, I can't believe this.

Believe it, Detwhiner.
I got a crew of my own.

And we can do everything
you guys can and more.

-Get out of here, Lawson.
-No way, LaStupid.

I got me a cracked squad of specialists.

He means a cr*ck squad of specialists,
but otherwise, he's quite correct.

Allow me to introduce the crew.

Randall, our eyes and ears
on the playground.

Infinitely more valuable than your Gus.

-Ouch.
-Kurst, once known as the worst.

When it comes to sheer ballast
and eating ability,

she's more than a match for your Mikey.

Greg Skeens, situations.
In charge of thinking up bad stuff

before anyone can do it.

When chased, even faster than your Vince.

Swinger kid, possible possessor of even
greater courage than your Spinelli.

Well, she ain't afraid of heights.

I, Menlo, though no Gretchen
in the classroom or the lab,

will match my single-minded
organizational abilities

against anyone's... anyone's!

-Egad!
-And, of course, Lawson is our T.J.

-Lawson is your what?
-T.J.

Say goodbye to all that good glory
you've been getting.

-We're all sick of it.
-So now we're swiping it.

Guys, do you really think
Randall is infinitely

more valuable than I am?

I mean, I can understand if
he's a little more valuable, but--

Forget it. He's not more valuable
than you at all.

The only thing cracked
with Lawson's squad is Lawson.

And maybe Menlo for saying that junk.

Ah!

Lawson may be cracked,
but his group is most effective.

They averted a w*r.

Well, I think it's great there's
another group of friends now

committed to helping out around here.

Yeah, they might even be able to give us

a tougher game at kickball
than Lawson's old crew could.

Man, Chewie and Jocko need to practice.

Forget kickball.

With Lawson helping
to keep the playground cool,

we can concentrate on business
we've been neglecting.

Namely, the pulling of pranks.

What you got in mind, Teej?

Anybody notice what Finster's
got sitting on her windowsill lately?

A brand-new cactus.

Good eyes, Vince, It isn't just

the principal who's prickly
these days.

How do you suppose that cactus
will look on...

I don't know, the top of the school?

Might code names be required
for this caper?

Yep. And walkie-talkies. Now, huddle up.

Operation roof garden
might just be my masterpiece.

Lookouts, cyclops
and Dr. Oculus check in, please.

Clear weather, soaring shark.
Repeat, clear weather.

No sign of Crocodilicus.
Repeat, no sign of Crocodilicus.

Tender like steak.

Praying Mantis, initiate
distraction sequence.

Ah!

Distraction sequence initiated,
Soaring Shark.

Excellent. Lady fusion, report
on launching device, please.

Launching device poised
and operational, Soaring Shark.

Repeat, launching device
poised and operational.

Perfect. Jet Ray Mongoose,
begin snatching sequence.

Check.

Hey, you guys, it's gone.

-Huh?
-What the--

Gadzooks.

[children laughing]

I can't believe they b*at us to it.

[laughter]

Inconceivable.

It's like they're one step
ahead of us on everything.

What a regrettable waste of code names.

[Muriel] What's all this, then? Who? Who?

Don't look at us, Crocodilicus.

What did you call me, Griswald?

[gulp]

-This whomps.
-It does seem bitterly unjust.

I still can't believe they roofed
finster's cactus first.

Those laughs and cheers
should have been ours.

It's particularly ironic
that Gus is the one who got detention.

Gus needs to remember code names
are only for walkie-talkies.

But guys don't you see?

If we can't stop wars
and we can't pull pranks,

I don't know where we fit
in this new school order.

Nothing. I can't think of any new pranks.

And I'm supposed to be
the prankster prince.

Might as well hand my goofy crown

and the prestige that
comes with it to Lawson.

I know it's mean Teej, Lawson
and his crew are good.

Heck! I don't even want to play them
at kickball anymore.

What are we going to do?

I know we can fashion instruments
out of common garbage

and form a rock combo.

-Are you nuts?
-Hi, Cornchip.

Hi Gus. But, um, the administration
has banned chocolate milk.

[both] No!

Wait a sec. This could be our chance.
If there's anything only we can do,

it's to rally the kids
and reverse an evil policy.

We learned all about peaceful
protesting and junk from Miss Grotke.

We owe it to our mentor and community

to go to the art room
and start making signs.

We've never committed to a greater cause.

Let's go, let's go! let's go!
We've got a sugary sweet treat to save.

Check this out.

"Give me chocolate milk or give me death"?

Spin, you sure you want another meeting
with the district counselor?

Good point, Vince. Better tone it down.

Now let me see.

"Give me chocolate milk
or give me... chocolate milk!"

That's it. I'll leave them no choice.

Nice save, Spin. Now let's get out
and picket.

[children mooing]

-Now what's that?
-I hear cows.

This is not good.
The appearance of actual cows

could confuse our protest
by developing sympathy

for the very creatures
we advocate exploiting for milk.

Grab the signs.

We'd better start picketing
before this thing is too far gone.

[kids moaning]

Stop that infernal mooing!
Stop it right now, you miscreants!

What an amazingly clever protest.
I wonder who came up with it.

-Who do you think?
-Look!

All right, fine.
You can have your chocolate milk back.

Yay!

Moo, moo moo, moo moo, moo moo.

Fine, fine, fine.
And double chocolate milk on Fridays.

[all] Lawson rules! Lawson rules!

Lawson rules! Lawson rules!

Moo, moo.

-What's that supposed to mean?
-Nice try.

-Why, you--
-Spinelli. No!

[laughing]

[children cheering]

T.J. I'm confused. What's going on?

They just don't seem to need us anymore.

[King Bob] And last but not least,
a royal thanks to you, Lawson.

Our chocolate milk has been saved.

Now please give these selfless
new hero kids your thanks.

[cheering]

I can't believe they pulled it off.

[clapping]

Hey, knock it off or I'll--
Oh. Hi, Miss Grotke.

Bravo! Bravo!

That was the most inspired piece
of civil disobedience

I've ever witnessed.

You can learn from those kids.

Recess will never be the same.
It seems we've been replaced.

[cheering]

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

Ah!

[Lawson] Hang on just one minute!
I just got an idea.

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

Ah!

[Lawson] Now that's more like it.

Children of the playground,
as you all know,

cootie season has arrived.

As a service to you all, we, The Ashleys,

are offering cooties sh*ts
at the small price

of $ per sh*t every day at recess
until this terrible epidemic passes.

-I don't want no cooties.
-Me neither.

Remember, having cooties
isn't just bad, it's...

[all] scandalous!

[all gasp]

[Ashley Q.]
Don't be caught without your sh*t!

Ah!

Wonder what Lawson and them are up to now.

Probably curing hay fever.

Hi ya, guys.

Um, The Ashleys are charging people money
for cootie sh*ts.

-So?
-Aren't you guys going to make them stop?

What's the point?

Come on, you guys,
cootie sh*ts should be free.

And each of us knows that. We must act.

Mikey's right.

I don't feel like it.

But we have to. Now, come on.

[T.J.] I can't believe it.
Kids are actually paying.

Well, T.J., though cooties aren't real,

the power of the mind
can often cause children

who think they have cooties
to experience flu-like symptoms

and even feel disliked.

Those sh*ts should be free to every child
on this playground.

Mikey's right. What we have to do--

-[hammering]
-You gonna have to speak up, Teej.

I was saying we have to build
our own medical stand and--

-Uh, T.J.
-More volume, Gus?

-No, but, T.J.
-Let me finish, Gus.

-That's better.
-[hammering stops]

What we need to build
our own medical stand

-and give away--
-[Lawson] Cootie sh**t. You heard right.

Get your free cootie sh*ts right here!

[kids cheering]

-Cool scrubs.
-Oh, what's the use?

Lawson and his crew really do
take care of everything first.

[cheers and applause]

Over here!

[siren wails]

Have no fear.
We know how to handle the library kid. Oh.

-Ow.
-[T.J.] Looks like Lawson and his crew

took care of another one.

Thanks for telling us, anyway. Corney.

-It was you.
-No way. It was you.

Who cares? All I know is that we rule.

[all] We rule! We rule!

We rule! We rule! We rule!

Great sh*t, Gus.

Take good care of my steelie, please.

I will, as long as you take care
of my cat's eye, Mikey.

I'm glad you guys are having fun.

I haven't had any fun
Since Lawson and his crew showed up.

And that seems like years ago.

-You can play marbles with us.
-[all] Nah!

I know! We could all
go play in fort tender.

Say, that's something we can all enjoy.

What could possibly be more fun
than frolicking in a structure

that's the product
of our own sweat and toil?

Nothing, Mikey. Now who's with us?

Hate to break it to you, but Lawson
and those guys

turned it back into Fort Ford.

And Skeens and Kurst are defending it
with paint balls.

Not only are Lawson and his crew
ruthlessly efficient,

they don't mess around
when it comes to forts either.

-What are we going to do?
-That's weird.

What is, Teej?

I'm starting to think the things
I like most

about recess were solving
problems, pulling pranks,

and keeping the administration in line.

Now we don't get to do any of that stuff
anymore.

I know, I'd give my last
"Barnaby boys" book

just to defend our fort or foil
an Ashley plan one more time.

[all speaking]

I think I kinda liked the glory.

Getting medals in front of every one
did make me feel pretty good.

I'm with you, Teej.
To me helping out or pulling a prank

always felt like winning.

Now watching Lawson and his crew
do those things

feels like losing, and losing whomps.

I'm as disturbed about
being replaced as anyone,

but is it possible that we really did
all of those things

because we wanted glory?

Is it possible that
we really did good things

because they felt like winning?

I mean, when you put it that way, Gretch,
what kind of kids are we?

I'll tell you what kind of kids you are--
Suffering kids.

Extra-moist news like this
must be reported immediately.

-I think we're friends.
-No kidding, Mikey.

No, Vince, that's my answer
to T.J.'s question.

He asked what kind of kids we are,

and I think the kind of kids
we are is friends.

I think we can all agree
that the six of us are friends.

The question remains, though,
why are we such glory hounds?

But we aren't glory hounds,
or even glory seekers, Gretchen.

What on earth are you talking about now,
Mikey?

I mean, just heard me
and Spinelli and T.J. go on

about how we miss the stuff.

So our actions were recognized,
but we never took those actions for glory.

We pulled pranks
because we're goofy monkey children,

and we did good deeds
because we like to help.

So? Nothing wrong with helping.

Of course not, guys.
And we as a group just can't help helping.

I mean, look at us--

What with T.J.'s sense of justice...

Fair is fair. Big whoop.

And Gretchen's ability
to figure things out...

It's really just a matter of looking
at all possible angles.

Throw in Vince's determination...

If you start something,
you might as well finish.

-And Spinelli's unbelievable spirit...
-A girl's allowed to have spirit. Duh.

-And Gus' sympathy for life's underdogs...
-Well, I have been an underdog six times.

And I'm sort of a softie.

What else are we supposed to do
but share these qualities

around the playground?

The glory was never what made us
so special.

What makes us special, Mikey?

The fact that each of us
has five best friends.

Five best friends?

Each one of us does have
five best friends.

Ah, I haven't gotten any glory in hours.
It's almost like there aren't

-any more problems around here.
-Nah, there's always problems.

Maybe not. With Skeens,
Kurst, Randall, and Lawson

now solving problems
instead of causing them,

where do you suppose new problems
are going to come from, the sky?

Excellent news. I was just watching T.J.
and his bunch, and guess what.

-[all] What?
-They're miserable.

-How miserable
-Real miserable.

-I think some of them might even drop out.
-That makes me glad I didn't drop out.

This may not get us any glory,

but it will give me
an excellent chance to gloat,

and I am an excellent gloater.

-Come on, guys, let's check this out.
-Over there

[laughing]

OK, forget giant robots for a minute.
What if giant monsters att*cked town?

What do you guys do then?

-I would try to befriend them.
-I would try to train me one.

Are we talking flying giant monsters

or non-flying giant monsters, Teej?

Ones that walk around like this. Grr!

OK, Teej. Now you're sort of scaring me.

[laughter]

Nice try, Teej,
but that's not how they walk.

Check this out. Goo... ga... goo... ga.

They're right over... here.

[laughter]

Question, how come none
of our giant monsters have knees?

[laughter]

Randall, you liar!
They're having more fun than we are.

[all] Yes!

I haven't had any fun
since we roofed that old lady's cactus.

Her name is Muriel P. Finster,
and I still feel horribly about that.

Listen to this guy--

-I'm hungry.
-Figures.

Don't you people ever swing?

Hey, organization kid,
what's happening to my organization?

My name is not organization kid.

It is Menlo, and you're fogging up
my glasses.

-[Mikey] Hey you guys!
-Want to play kickball?

Monster style.

Hey T.J. Detweiler, we took away
your glory.

Why aren't you guys miserable?

-Turns out we don't care about glory.
-We're happy being friends.

Friends?

-[all talking]
-What's up with that?

Don't tell me you people aren't friends.

Uh, that boy who doesn't sleep enough

is resting in front
of the kindergartners' gate,

and, uh, now they're trapped.

This is bad,
the longer he keeps them pinned up,

the more hyped up those kindergartners
are going to get.

When they're finally loose
they'll swarm over

this playground like locusts.

But with hands and feet.

Ah! Teej!

Well, Lawson, that sounds like a job
for you guys.

Nice try, Dimweiler,
but we're going to handle it.

All youse just shut up,
and let's free those runts

before they mess stuff up.

So, do you guys believe
in the loch ness monster?

-I sure do.
-I don't know T.J.

I'm still waiting for him to wreck a boat
or something.

Poor Nessie trapped in a loch
he never made.

[children shouting]

Let us out, sleepy man.

Me getting very angry.

Quiet down, rascals. I'm resting.

[children] Let us be!

Let us be! Let us be!

All right, you sleepy-faced
dope, now move it!

Watch how you talk to my bud, hat boy.

Watch how you talk to your leader,
longhair.

Leader, schmeader.
I'm camping out with my bud.

Them other kids were right
about that friend's stuff.

Yo, Skeens, when did you get here?

-That's it! I'm hitting the cafeteria.
-But the cafeteria is closed.

Yeah? So?

Oh, I'm telling.
Miss Finster, Miss Finster!

Let us be! Let us be!

This is just too much. I got to swing.

And so it ends,
not with a bang, but with a whimper.

Why don't you get lost.

Gladly. I prefer doing my paperwork
indoors.

Let us be! Let us be!

Ah... ah... help!

Greetings, Tykes.

Look, it's big boy.

And zeky man.

When we saw how things
were going with your crew,

we thought we'd better check on you.

Thanks. I can't handle this.

Mikey, handle this.

Don't worry, fellas.

I'll sit you down
in the shade of a comfy tree.

Sounds most acceptable.

Pick out a nice carvin' tree.

[laughing]

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

-Hey, you guys.
-Howdy, Lawson. Sorry about your crew.

You guys did some really cool things.

We did everything but make friends.

And I think a kid needs friends more
than glory.

Maybe a kid needs his old friends.

That's not a bad idea, Vince.

-Hey, guys.
- You hear something Jacko?

If it isn't the kid who thinks
he's too good

for kickball practice.

I'll practice... if you'll let me.

I'd like to think it over at Kelso's.
As long as someone else's by.

All right, all right. Kelso's on me.

I'll see you dopes later.

I'm going to kelso's with my buds.

Tender. He's a pain in the neck,

but every kid should be
as lucky as we are.

No kidding, do you think Mr. Kelso
has stools for six more?

Righteous thought, Spinelli.
Let's investigate.

-So, do you guys believe in Bigfoot?
-Of course.

No kidding Teej,
I'm waiting for him to wreck something.

Or at least maul a camper.

I need to see some fossils.

Must sasquatch be forever hunted?

I'm glad we'll always have those six.

Hey, Corny, we're going to Kelso's.
You coming with?

Um, OK.

[bell ringing]