04x01 - A Rugrats Chanukah

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Rugrats". Aired: August 11, 1991 - August 1, 2004.*
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`Rugrats' reveals the world from a baby's point of view where it's bigger, more mysterious and uncontrollable.
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04x01 - A Rugrats Chanukah

Post by bunniefuu »

[ Snoring]

[ Gasps]

[ Kids laughing]

Minka:
long ago, in the land of israel

The jewish people lived happily

With their neighbors,
the ancient greeks.

But one day...

[ Trumpets playing fanfare]

There came a new
king of the greeks...

Who wanted everyone
to be just like him.

From now on,
king antiochus says

You have to wear
what he wears

And read what he reads.

Look, tommy,
a whole book about plato, duh.

You also have to
worship his gods.

Hey, this ain't so bad.

Some people thought

This new way of life was fine.

Hail, lillian.

Hail, philistine.

...but others didn't.

I don't like this, tommy.

If that king catches us
with our old books

We'll get in
a lot of trouble.

I don't care,
chuckie.

These are the books
our forefathers read

And our five fathers

And our six fathers

And I'm not stopping now.

Hey! Just what

Are you babies up to?

Nothing.

We were just playing

With our dreidels.

We made them
out of clay.

Oh, yeah?

What's this?

[ Laughing]

[ Growling]

So a hero stepped forward

To challenge the king.

And his name was judah
the maccabee...

Tommy, what are you doing?

A maccababy's gotta do
what a maccababy's gotta do.

Oh, no.

He was a brave leader

And he led his people

In daring raids against

The more powerful armies
of the evil king.

March!

[ People shouting]

[ Swords clashing]

[ Kids laughing]

Didi:
mom, can you

Help me
in the kitchen?

Well... I suppose I should

Help didi with the latkes.

Latkes!

Oy, I love this holiday.

Oh, finally.

Now I can watch

My christmas special in peace.

Where's that tv clicker?

[ Bubbling]

[ Sizzling]

Potatoes, water
and salt?

Well, somehow they just
don't seem like pancakes.

They're potato pancakes.

And we fry these,
and sometimes donuts

To remind us of the oil
in the miracle of chanukah.

The miracle is these have
clogged our people's arteries

For , years...

Yet, we survive.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Oh, boris, your play

Made the front page!

"Synagogue seniors stage

Meaning of chanukah."

Wonderful!

They took my picture
for this.

Oy gevalt!

They used shlomo's picture

Instead of mine.

What's a shlomo?

He's an old friend

From boris's school days
in russia.

What friend?!

Since we were young

He tried to outdo me.

I caught a smelt,
he caught a sturgeon.

I caught a cold,
he caught the pneumonia.

I start a family,
he starts

His fancy-shmancy business.

Gonif!

Now, dad.

Save your breath, dideleah.

If shlomo and boris make it
through tonight

Without k*lling each other

Thatwill be the miracle
of chanukah.

Hey, tommy,
these cradles

Don't taste
like clay.

And these monies
don't taste as good

As the ones under the couch.

I know, phil,
and that's not

The onliest thing
funny around here.

Smell that smell?

[ Sniffing]

Lillian!

What?

Not that smell.

Tommy:
mom's making pancapes.

Hey, wait, you don't supposed to
make pancapes in the nighttime.

I know, but that's
not all-- look!

Phil:
wow!

What is it?

I don't know

But every night

I have to wear
a funny hat

While grandpa boris says
stuff I don't understand

And mom lights
another candle.

Sounds scary.

Yeah, but then
I get a present.

Clown!

Maybe it's
your birthday.

Every night?

Maybe they're having

All your birthdays
at the same time.

Maybe you're growed up
and got to get a job.

I don't feel growed up.

Well, make a wish and
let's blow them out.

Okay, you guys help me up.

[ All grunting and groaning]

[ Blowing]

Angelica:
out of my way,
stupid babies.

Hey, be nice,
angelica.

It's tommy's birfday.

Yeah, we was blowing out
his candles.

Dumb babies.

Those candles aren't
for tommy's birthday.

Those are for chanukah.

Harmonica?

Chanukah.

You have to "ch"
when you say it.

[ Trying to make "ch" sound]

Angelica,
what's chanukah?

Chanukah is that
special time of year

Between christmas and misgiving

When all the bestest
holiday shows are on tv.

Now, get out of my way.

It's almost time for...

Dah-dah-dah-dat-ta-da!

The cynthia christmas

Extragranza special.

I thought the rabbi just
wanted the thing fixed

For the end of the
chanukah play, stu.

Not reinvented.

I know, pop,
but I want tommy

To be proud
of his heritage.

Besides, I want to show didi
I'm supportive of chanukah.

If you ask me,
you're overdoing it.

Hah! When this baby
fires up

They won't say
I overdid it.

They'll say
I'm a genius.

Huh?

[ Crackling]

What was that?

That's stu, working
on the menorah for the play.

I just hope he isn't
doing anything...

Inappropriate.

[ Calliope playing
"hava nagila"]

Men:
hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

[ Music and shouting
get faster]

[ Exploding]

Pop! Stu!
It's time for the fair.

You go on ahead.

It needs a few
minor adjustments.

I'll meet you at church.

It's a synagogue,
chanukah-boy.

Right, right,
I knew that.

Tv announcer:
tonight, after
santa versus the alien...

[ Exploding]

[ Growling]

It's cynthia in
a very cynthia christmas.

Oh, yes!

Boris:
the chutzpah!

"I enjoyed the role of king
for its subtle complexity."

Subtle complexity, my tuchus.

Shlomo wanted to be king

To poke me with his sword.

All week in rehearsal

Poking and poking.

What am i,
a pin cushion?

Angelica,
time to go to synagogue.

But, but...

Boris is going
to be in a play

All about the meaning
of chanukah.

I don't care about
the meaning of chanukah.

I want my special.

Minka:
come on, boris, we're late.

Boris:
this play will be the end of me.

[ Gasping]

Meaning of chanukah. Phooey!

All:
the meany of chanukah!

No wonder
your grandpa

Doesn't want to
play with him.

I had to play with a meany
at daycare once.

Oh, what happened?

First, he made me
lick the slide

He hung me
from the monkey bars

And then he put a worm
on my head.

You don't think he'll
do that to my grandpa?

If it's a
growed up meany

It'll be much worser
than that, tommy.

What happened to
the meany at daycare?

The teacher came over
and dug me out of the sand.

And then she made us both
take a nap.

That's it, then.

We've got to put the meany
of chanukah down for a nap.

Oh, me and my big mouth!

Angelica:
thank you for
inviting me, aunt didi.

Do you think
they have a tv?

Well, guys, this is it:
the synamabob.

Are we ready?

Ready.

Pillow?

Chex!

Blankey?

Chex!

Night light?

Chex!

That meany is going down.

[ Klezmer music playing]

[ Girl laughing]

[ Gasps]

Ah... Ooh...

[ Slurping]

Oh, well, cynthia,
the night's not a total loss.

Mommy never lets us have
pancakes for dinner.

Um... Mmm... Um...

Blech!

Yuck! Topatoes?!

What kind of bobohead
makes pancakes out ot topatoes?

Whoa... Oh!

I win!

Come on, cynthia.

They've got to have
a tv somewhere.

People, people, people!

Fred king is sick tonight

So lowell arnstein
will play the part

Of the village kvetch.

Village kvetch? You said
I'd be playing the king.

I said you'd be replacing
mr. King.

But I prepared a monologue...
With music.

Eh... Now, remember, everyone

When mr. Pickles
lights the menorah

We... Oh, dear,
where's mr. Pickles?

I can't believe how slow
this traffic is moving.

[ Disgusted sigh]

♪ Deck the halls
with boughs... ♪

So...
Where's your son-in-law

The brilliant inventor?

Hello, shlomo.

How's business?

Hello, boris.

How's the family?

How can they not have a tv?

Hey, look,
an entertaining center!

Huh?

Ah... So you want
to know more

About the torah?

Huh?

It's a very special book,
you know.

I'm sure it is.
Speaking of specials...

Do you have a... [ Gasps]

[ Gasps again]

Rabbi:
don't be shy.

You know the torah
is almost , years old and...

[ Toilet flushing]

You!

I broke a shin
because of you.

Oh, i, i,
I'm really very sorry, but

If you'll excuse me, i...

Oh, no.

Oh!

It's to the nursery with you.

♪ ...of days long ago

♪ One for each night...

Uh... I don't get it.

We've looked everywhere.

It's hard to find
the meany of chanukah.

Well, look on
the bright side.

Never mind.

[ Applause]

[ Piano playing]

At last, a quiet moment
to study torah.

Grandpa boris!

[ Scattered applause]

You there, what
are you doing?

I'm learning torah

Just as my
forefathers did.

As will my children

And my children's
children, and...

Enough already!

As king of the greeks,
I command you to stop.

Watch it
with that thing!

Children:
the meany of chanukah!

March!

[ Children yelling]

[ Gasps]

[ Ringing]

[ Grunting]

What kind of sick mind
comes up with these things?

[ Kids sniffling]

I just don't know
what got into them, ester.

This so unlike them.

Don't worry about
a thing, didi.

Go! Enjoy.

What are youbabies
doing here?

We were trying to save
grandpa boris

From the meany of chanukah.

But the grown-ups
wouldn't let us.

We was going
to put him down for a nap.

Meany of chanukah?

You dumb babies!

...have a really good idea!

Really?

Yeah. But you don't need
blankies and stuff

To put a growd-up down
for a nap.

You know what you need?

Hoppity-hop?

No.

A kangaroo?

No.

A raisin?

No!

The onliest thing
a growd-up needs is a tv.

All:
huh?

Don't you know

Every time grandpa lou

Puts on a tv,
he goes right asleep?

Hey, yeah!

And I know right
where you can find one.

So, the tide has turned,
you paskudnyak!

My people will not follow
your evil ways!

[ Audience laughs]

That's it!

You and me, old man,
right now!

Oy!

[ Grunting]

Okay, I'm lost.

I had no idea chanukah
was so interesting.

Oy-oy-oy.

Shmegegi!

[ Grunting]

And so the maccabees

Launched their final as*ault
against king antiochus

And as they do

We will hear again

From the women of zion
senior choir.

[ Punching continues backstage]

[ Grunts, cries of pain]

[ Singing "oh, chanukah"]

[ Crying]

All my life
you're upstaging me!

Me? You're the one
with always bragging!

"My children this,
my grandchildren that."

On and on!

You'd be proud of
your children, too

If you had any.

But you were too busy

With fancy-pants
business deals!

[ Gasps]

Is that what you think?

That's what you said.

So sue me! I lied.

Sadie and i--

May she rest in peace--

Were never blessed
with children.

All I had
was my fancy-pants business

Mr. Know-so-much!

[ Women singing in background]

So now you know.

Here.

I got no one to share

Our tradition with, anyway.

Here. You be king.

[ Finishing song]

[ Applause]

To be or...

Maccabee!

Thatis the question.

[ Snoring]

What'd I tell you?

[ All oohing]

[ Continues snoring]

[ Music playing on tv]

[ Kids grunting]

Careful, that's my soft spot!

Your whole head
is a soft spot.

[ Yelling]

Kids:
ow!

Huh?

[ Mumbling]

[ Resumes snoring]

Angelica, are
you all right?

Tv announcer:
and now back to
a very cynthia christmas.

Yes!

Come on, you guys,
grandpa needs us.

Not so fast, babies.

Me and cynthia
got some ketchup to do.

[ Laughs]

Well, who could've
seen that coming?

But angelica

What about
the meany of chanukah?

Stupid babies,
there is no meany of...

[ Grunts]

All:
it's the meany!

[ Slams]

[ Starts crying]

Oy! Oy, sha, sha!

What is it?
What do you want?

I want my cynthia!

You want to watch the tube?

[ Clanks]

[ Crying harder]

What? I'm not
a people person.

What's happening?

I think the meany's trying
to squeeze her guts out!

What do we do?

We can use
tommy's pillowcase

And pretend we're a ghost!

Boo-ooo-ooo...

[ Grunts]

That wasn't very scary.

Hey, guys, amember

Grandpa always
takes a nap

When he hears
a good story?

Well, maybe
the meany will, too!

Oh, fine!

Good-bye, cool world.

[ Sobbing]

[ Whimpers]

[ Others whining]

Oy vey! More babies.

Quiet! Wh-what do
you want from me?

Boris:
tommyle? Shlomo?

What's going on?

One minute I'm trying to go home

And the next thing

I'm up to my dentures
in kinderlach!

[ Angelica continues crying]

Oy...

Ah, there, there, there,
tatelah.

Here, they want you to
read a story. Come, come.

You're the grandfather,
you read it.

No, no, no, he wants you.

Go on, read.

Read.

"Long ago, in the land...

No, no, no

They already heard that. Here.

[ Sharply]:
fine.

"And so against all odds

"Judah the maccabee
won the right for his people

To live and learn in the way
of their forefathers..."

Go on.

"But after the w*r

"The people of israel
had a difficult task.

"Though antiochus had been
driven from their land

"He had left their cities

And their holy temple
in a terrible mess!"

Wow! This is worser

Than our room,
huh, lillian?

I don't know, phillip.

I can still see
the floor.

Chuckie:
hey, look, tommy

It's that thingie
from the top of your tv.

Yeah, but it's
all broked up.

I didn't do it.

"And their beautiful menorah

"Which was supposed
to burn forever, was broken

And its flame put out."

Shlomo, they don't know
from menorahs.

A menorah is, uh, like
the night-light of our people.

In times of darkness
it shines on the world

Reminding us
not to be afraid

To be different

But be proud
who we are!

Hey, that's not bad, cookie.

You just make that up?

I'm winging it here.

Give me a break.

Your uncle shlomo
is right.

It's like the night-light
of our people.

And it was filled
with oil.

That makes it burn.

Some people use candles.

"So, the people
repaired their temple

"But the greeks had left
only enough oil

"To burn in the menorah

"For one night.

But they lit
the menorah, anyway.

What are we going to do?

It'll take eight days
to make more oil.

Shlomo:
what they needed was a miracle.

Yeah, a mirable

Whatever that is.

That's when
something good happens

You thought could never happen.

Well, that'll never happen.

Boris:
"but one day went by...

"And then another...

"And another, until finally...

"The eight days had passed

"And the flame
was still burning.

"And to this day

"We light the menorah
every year

To remember
the miracle of chanukah."

[ Snoring]

[ Giggling]

[ Motor racing]

[ Tires squealing]

[ Crashing]

♪ Some say
the lights of chanukah ♪

♪ Are always there...

There you are, pickles.

Go, go! You're on.

But what about him?

Just go already.

♪ But I say

♪ Think antiochus.

[ One person applauding]

Oh! Tell me when it's over.

[ expl*si*n]

[ Gasping]

Ah! Didi. Look!

Audience:
oh!

[ Snoring]

Shlomo, we're on.

Oh. Oh, my.

And so ends our little play.

And may it be our
sincerest chanukah wish

That our kinderlach
will continue

To carry the light of our people
for generations to come.

Audience:
aw!

Say the blessing.

Oh, right.

Baruch atah adonai

Eloheinu melech ha-olam

Asher kidshanu b'mitzvosav

V'tzivanu l'chadlik
ner shel chanukah.

♪ Yi-da-da-da-di
dum-ay-diddi-bum ♪

♪ Ya-da-da-da-di

♪ Dum-ay-chiri-bam...

Look, tommy.

The meany
and your grandpa boris

Are playing nice.

I know, chuckie.

It's a mirable!

[ Both laughing]

♪ Hi-di-di-di boom-boom,
hi-di-di-di boom-boom ♪

♪ Hi-yi-yi-yi-yabba-yabba
bi-bi-boom, chiri-bam. ♪

[Captioned by
the caption center
wgbh educational foundation]

♪ One for each night

♪ They shed a sweet light

♪ To remind us
of days long ago ♪

♪ One for each night

♪ They shed a sweet light

♪ To remind us
of days long ago. ♪

[ Humming melody]

Angelica:
dumb babies!

Those are for chanukah!
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