Sx02 - Tales from the Crib: Three Jacks and a Beanstalk

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Rugrats". Aired: August 11, 1991 - August 1, 2004.
`Rugrats' reveals the world from a baby's point of view where it's bigger, more mysterious and uncontrollable.
Post Reply

Sx02 - Tales from the Crib: Three Jacks and a Beanstalk

Post by bunniefuu »

[ heroic music playing]


[ grunts]

[ Chuckie shouting,
Kimi laughing]

[ rattling]

[ shouting]

[ grunts]

[ horn toots]


[ cow mooing]

[ cow mooing]

[ cow mooing]

[ moos]

Drink it all up, honey.

Milk's good for you.


Did Tommy's daddy invent
that talking cow?

Yep, pretty spiffy, huh?

I guess you could call Mr. P
an "udder" genius.

[ giggles]

[ moos]:Don't forget to wash the cupwhen you're done.

I don't like this cow.

It's bossy.

So are you lollipops
ready for a story?

Uh-huh. We can't wait.

[ all agree excitedly]


This is a story

of a superbly magnifico
beanstalk and a boy.

We better make that

three boys.

We'll call it
"Three Jacks
and the Beanstalk."

Angelica! Harold!

Do you want to hear
the story, too?

O' course.

[ grunts]Ow!

Watch it, you dumb babies.

Harold was just getting
me and Cynthia...

[ squeals]

a chair.

So what are you
waiting for?

Start the story.

All righty.

This is the story
of "Three Jacks
and the Beanstalk."

Once upon a time,

there was a boy named Jack, who lived in a teensy little shack

with his adorable baby bro and a marvo cow named Aunt Moo.

Aunt Moo.

Coming right up,

[ milk flowing]

They lived off the milk
Aunt Moo gave every morning.

[ cooing]

Some they drank,

and the rest they took
to the market to sell.

Milk for sale!

Drink milk for
good strong tooths.

[ burps]

Hey, that looks pretty good.

You haven't tasteded milk
till you've had Aunt Moo's.

Mmm-- just like Ma used to make.

So how much you asking?

That'll be three bucks,

I'll give you two.

Three bucks, handsome.

[ grunting]

[ yawns]

[ giggles]

Milk! Milk!

Way to go, Aunt Moo!


Three, it is.

Thanks, dearie.

And have a good day.

After selling all their milk
at the market,

Aunt Moo, Jack and his brother
headed home.

[ clucking]

The sky is falling!

The sky is fall...

[ thud]

[ clucking]

The sky is falling!

The sky is falling!

Please, there's nothing
falling, doll.

Are you sure?

Oh, don't worry.

You're perfectly safe.

Now take off

that helmet.

You're messing up
your pretty feathers.

[ Chuckie screaming]

[ Kimi squealing]

I stand corrected.

[ clucking]

The sky is falling!

That was fun.

Let's do it again.

I can't see.

Where are my glasses?

Don't worry.

I'll get them for you.

Here you go.

So who are you guyses?

I'm Jack.

And I'm Jill.

And we went up that hill
to fetch a pail of water.


I think I broken something.

[ moos]

Well, you banged your crown up
pretty good,

but I think I can fix that.

[ kisses]

Cow lips tickle.

What about me?

I came
tumbling after.

[ moos]

Looks serious,

but I think I've got something
that'll do the trick.

[ kisses]

[ giggles]

Jeesh! Come on, Jill.

We better go back
up the hill and
try it again.

Oh, gee, that pail
sure is big.

Why don't you get your mommy
and daddy to help you?

We don't gots
a mommy and daddy.

We only gots us.

No one's looking
after you two?

Well, that won't do, will it?

[ moos]


[ grunts]

[ giggles]

Looks like you're
coming home with us.

We are?

Well, sure.

Everybody needs
a family.

This is going
to be great.

I never had a family afore.

[ all exclaiming]

That night, Aunt Moo
and her four minis

went to bed feeling
like one big happy family.

[ babies grunting]

Ow! Hey! Quit poking me!

Get your feet out of my face!


Now, settle down there.

Whoa! Watch the udder.

[ rooster crows]

They were all
supremely happy together...

Would you please
pass the milk, Jack?



Even if it was
a little confusing

having two Jacks
in the same house.

That's all right, darlings.

There's a lot more
where that came from.

Every night, the five of them
shared the teeny, tiny bed.

And every morning,
Aunt Moo and her bambinos

went to the market
to sell the milk.


three dollars seems
a little pricey.

[ both grunting]

Hey, what do you know?

I'm winning.

[ babies cheering for Aunt Moo]

Whew! That was
a close one.

Look, that garbage can
gots feets.

I like the nice lean bugs.

And I like me

the fatty wormsies.


Hey, what's the big idea?

Those was our lunchies.

You children need something
more nutritious.

Climb aboard.

You're coming home with us.



We don't have much, but what
we have, we're happy to share.

Yeah, 'cause everyone needs
a family.

[ babies agree]

Wow! We gots a family now.

And a nice, prettiful cow mom.

Do you guys gots names?

I'm Jack Sprat,

and this is
my twin sister,
Little Sprat.

You can call me Lil.

Glad to meet you, Lil.

So you're
Jack, too?


Oh, boy, this is sure
going to be interesting.

[ clangs]


Jack, it's for you.

[ boys grunt]

He'll have to call you back.

It was getting
harder and harder

for the growing family
to share the teeny, tiny bed.

A pooping.

Oh, no!

Do you smell that?


[ giggling]

Pooping, pooping, pooping.

Quick, Jack,
hand me a fresh diaper.

[ cooing]

Unable to catch up on her Zs,

Aunt Moo was totally...
well, pooped.

[ grunting]

And not
a penny more!

[ grunting]

You're going down, Moo!

That's what

Do I smell fear?

Are you turning cow-ard on me?

Oh, just take it.

That's good enough.

[ babies gasp]

Thumb's number one!

Thumb's number one!

I didn't like
that little man.

How come you didn't
wrestle him, Aunt Moo?

Sorry, sugar,
I just didn't have it in me.

TAFFY: After a long day at the market,

that night,
the unthinkable happened.

All right, who put the empty
back in the fridge?

Jack did.
Jack did.
Jack did.

Guess I'll just have
to fill 'er up.

Poor Aunt Moo.

[ groaning]

With all those minis to feed,

her milk had
just plain fizzled out.


Drats! I'm out.

Did she say what
I think she said?

Yep, she's out of milk.

[ screams]

[ babies crying]

Oh, come on, now.

Don't have a cow.

I'll think
of something.

I always do.

You just leave it to Aunt Moo.

[ babies continue crying]

[ guitar playing]

♪ As I was out walkin'
one morning for pleasure ♪

♪ I spied some cowpunchers
a-ridin' along ♪

♪ Their hats was throwed back,
and their spurs was a-jinglin' ♪

♪ And as they rode by,
they was singin' this song ♪

♪ Whoopee ti-yi-yo

♪ Git along, little dogies

♪ It's your misfortune
and none of my own ♪

♪ Whoopee ti-yi-yo

♪ Git along, little dogies

♪ You know that Wyoming
will be your new home. ♪

[ whistling]

Give me a hand, kids.

[ babies whistling]

♪ Whoopee ti-yi-yo

♪ Git along, little dogies

♪ It's your misfortune
and none of my own ♪

♪ Whoopee ti-yi-yo

♪ Git along, little dogies

♪ You know that Wyoming
will be your new home. ♪

[ song ends]

[ snoring]

[ snoring]

That was a real good show.

Thanks, guys.

You want us to come
back tomorrow?

I don't think you'll need to.

[ all sigh]

Here you go.


And thanks again.

The nerve of that girl!

We sing our diapies off...

And she gives us...


It's utterly

Yeah, ridickery.


What you said.

[ blows raspberry]

I don't think those beanses are
going to fill us up, do you?

Of course not.

All they're going to do
is give us gas.

Hey, I kind of like gas.

Me, too.

Sounds like firecrackers.

[ blows raspberry]

[ all spit]

I don't gots any gas yet,
do you, Jack?

[ grunting]



[ both spit]

We're hungry and we don't gots
anything to eat.

What are we going
to do, Aunt Moo?

I don't know, child.

I don't know.

That night, as the six bummed-out minis went to bed...
[ stomach grumbling]

♪ My tummy's rumbly

♪ My throat's dried up

♪ I'm feeling grumbly

♪ I'm one sad pup

♪ One teeny beany...

♪ Can't fill us up!

This pillow's lumpy!

Hey, that's my head!

Your elbow's bumpy.

Watch out for Fred!

[ croaks]

♪ We can't get comfy...

♪ In this small bed.

♪ ♪

♪ I'm counting on a miracle

♪ A gift, a lucky break

♪ A windfall,
some good fortune ♪

♪ Or winning a sweepstake

♪ Something bigger than a hope

♪ Stronger than a wish

♪ I'm looking for a miracle

♪ My loves deserve so much more
than this. ♪

TOMMY [ grunting]:
Move over!

Stop it!

Quit breathing on me.

Your tummy's too loud.


Do you know
what we're doing, guys?

We're forgetting about
all the good stuff we gots.

Yeah, like what?


♪ Our crowded bed
is never cold... ♪

♪ Food goes fast,
it's never old... ♪
[ croaks]

♪ Our house is little
but it's safe... ♪

♪ My diapie's changed,
and I'm not chafed... ♪

[ farts]

I think you mean
chappeded, Jack.


I'm not chappeded, either.

♪ I never feel alone
and scared... ♪

♪ Or ever feel
like I'm uncared... ♪

♪ Our family really
likes to share... ♪


♪ So let me wear
your underwear... ♪



[ grunting and giggling]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I'm counting on a miracle

♪ A gift, a lucky break

♪ A windfall,
some good fortune ♪

♪ Or winning a sweepstake

♪ Something bigger than a hope

♪ Stronger than a wish

♪ I'm looking for a miracle

♪ My loves deserve
so much more than this. ♪

♪ Our boo-boos
always get a kiss... ♪

♪ From tickly lips
that never miss... ♪

CHUCKIE:♪ I'm glad you let
your family grew... ♪

♪ There's no better mom
than Aunt Moo... ♪

♪ Something bigger than a hope

♪ Stronger than a wish

♪ I'm looking for a miracle

♪ My loves deserve
so much more than this. ♪

[ music ends]

Jack was the first to wake up.

[ rooster crows]

[ yawns]

[ yelps]

[ shouts]

Oh, my gosh!

Aunt Moo.

Yeah, who is it?

Me, Jack.

Oh. Which one?

The one with the shiny head.

Oh, my first baby.

Go back to sleep, child.

It's not morning yet.

But it ismorning,
Aunt Moo.

You gots to get up.


It's so big!

And leafy!

I never seed anything
like it afore.

Me, neiber.

[ babbling]

Now, that's what I call
a beanstalk.

I wonder where it goes.

Let's climb up it and see.

Great idea!

[ babies exclaiming]

I always did love an adventure.

Let's go.


[ Dil giggling]

[ children laughing]

[ grunting]

Hold on!

Don't you children get
too far ahead.

[ sputtering feebly]


I never did have the knack
for whistling.

[ moos loudly]

Ooh, lucky I got
some good pipes.


Look at that!

Holy cow!

The house is ginormous!

It's so prettiful.

Aw, gee, I wonder
who lives there.

It's a very interesting story.


Who said that?

Did you hear that?

Would you like me
to tell it to you?

[ all exclaim]

Jeez Louise!

You almost gave me
a heart att*ck!

[ giggles]


Hey, I know you.

You're the one that
paid us in beanses.

[ chuckling]:
Not just beans--

magic beans.


I guess magic beans
don'ts gots no gas.

Are you a fairy?


Ooh, I like your pretty wingses.


I'm still getting used to them.

[ laughing]



Mayday! Mayday!

[ kids scream]


[ grunts]

So, sugar, what
were you saying

about that castle
over there?

Well, once upon a time,

the castle belonged
to a brave knight

who was loved by everybody
in the kingdom.

[ people cheering]

One day, he was sent off
to battle...

[ armor squeaking]

[ horse whinnies]

and never returned,

leaving all his worldly
possessions to the town.

[ townsfolk crying]

While the kingdom grieved,
a greedy giant barged into town

and took the castle and
all its treasures for herself.

[ stomping]

[ people screaming]

[ cat screeches]

Out of my way, shrimp!

Watch it, shorty!


How do you like our new house,

It's ours, all ours.

[ laughing nastily]

[ doorbell buzzes]

What do you want?

I'm sorry to bother you,
Miss... uh, Giant,

but I believe the knight
left the castle to everyone.

"I'm sorry to bother you,
Miss Giant,

but I believe the knight lefted
the castle to everyone."

So what are you going
to do about it?!

[ stammering]

I thought so!

Now b*at it, tiny!

I got stuffs to do.

[ wailing]

Girlfriend... I mean, the giant
was never very good at sharing.

Gosh, that wasn't nice.

She's a meanie beanface.

Bad giant!
Bad giant!

The castle wasn't even hers.

That's right!

So the town decided

whoever could triumph
over the greedy giant

could have the castle
and all the riches inside.

Many have tried.

[ screams]

[ all scream]

[ cat screeches]

[ screams]

But all have failed.

Boy, a new house sounds
pretty good.

With our family growing bigger
by the day,

we could sure use
the extra bedrooms.

And we'd have lots of money,

so we could buy all kinds
of neat stuffs.


Like a red wagon...

And prettiful dressies...

And a jungly gym...

A yummy bug collection.

Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy.

Yeah, a bouncy chair.

I'd kind of like a new comb.

Well, I would.

Um... fairy lady,if we want to live
in the castle,

what would we have
to do?

You'd have to get
something very important
from the giant.

But I must warn you--
it's a task filled with danger.

You want danger?

Try sleeping seven in a bed.

Sure would be nice
living in a castle...

And eating fried
baloney sandwiches...

And taking bubbly baths.

Mmm, my very own bathroom.

[ slurping]

[ farting]

Oh, I didn't know
this was a hot tub.

[ chuckles]

And I thought
I was alone.

[ farting]

So who did that?

Jack did.

What?[ farts]

[ all laughing]

Okay, dollface,

sign us up!

What important thingy do we gots
to get from the giant?

Her piggy bank

filled with gold.


Well, we can't just waltz
in the front door.

Let's take a look
around back.

Wheat grass!

Oh, I done died
and gone to heaven.

Now, why didn't I bring
my juicer along with me?

[ slurps]

Guess I'll just have to get down
with my bad self

and eat the old-fashioned way.

[ munching]

Aunt Moo, how about
if us guys sneak inside

and look for
the piggy bank?

Good idea, precious.

You babies can probably
hide inside a castle

a lot easier
than a cow.

[ stomach rumbling]

My stomach's all rumbly.

Grab a little something to eat
while you're in there, too.

Sounds like a plan.

And when you're done, meet me
back here in the pasture.

Look, guys, we can get in
up there.

Let's go.

Be careful!

It's okay, guys.

The toast is clear.

Come on!

Follow me.

Look out below!

[ gasps]

I'll saveded you, Jack!

Well, save him.

I can't swim.

It's okay!

[ laughs]

Come on in.

The water's great!


You want to go for a swim?




[ giggling]

[ all laughing]

Ready or not,
here I come!

Wait for me!

[ squeals]

[ babbling]

Come on, Jack, jump in!

Yeah, the water's fine.

Oh, I don't know.

I-I... it's kind of
a long way down

and my hairs get all tangly
when they're all wet.

[ screeches]

[ exclaims]

What'd you do that for?!

Hey, this feels
kind of nice.

Catch a wave,

little bro.

[ laughing]


[ all screaming]

That's no shark.

I knew that.

Yeah, I wasn't
really scareded.

Me neither.

All right, who peed in the pool?

Jack did.Uh... Jack did.Uh... Jack did.


[ babies screaming]

I'm getting dizzy!

Help us!

Ooh, boy, that really
hit the spot!

I was one hungry heifer.

[ yawns]

I think I'll just rest here
a while and wait for the kids.

[ snoring]

Hold on to the rope
and don't let go!

[ sighs]

Boy, that was
a close one!

[ sighs]

It gave me goose bumpers.

I hate soggy diapies.

[ humming]

Uh-oh! What's that
funny noise?

It might be the giant.

Come on, we gots to hide!

[ humming continues]


Whoa! That's the biggest
cake I ever seed.

I can't take it
no more.

I gots to eat!

[ all yelling excitedly]

[ sloppy munching]

[ screams]

[ babies scream]

You got any milk?

You messed up
the giant's birthday cake!

She's going to be awful mad!

You better get out of here
while you can.

But aren't you the giant?

Who, me?

No, I just work for her.

The giant's yucky and awful.

[ quivers]

Everyone's scared of her,

even me.

Well, we're not ascared,
are we, guys?

Yes, we are.

Of course we are.

Want to bet?

I'm real scareded.

And you ought to be, 'cause...

♪ The giant is nasty

♪ The giant's not nice

♪ The giant will eat you
without thinking twice ♪

♪ She's not warm and fuzzy

♪ The giant is mean

♪ She's got the worst temper
that you've ever seen ♪

♪ So... whoa, whoa, whoa...

♪ Begone, b*at it, buzz off

♪ Get out while you can

♪ Git along, little dogie

♪ Skedaddle, split, scram!

♪ ♪

Aw, come on, she can't be
that bad, right, guys?

Sure, she can!

She sounds horrible!

I'll take his word
for it.

That's good 'cause...

♪ The giant can snap you in half
like a twig ♪

♪ She's super colossal

♪ Her mouth is real big

♪ She'll crunch you
and munch you ♪

♪ Don't mean to be rude

♪ But you should skidoo
'fore she turns you to food ♪

♪ So... whoa, whoo, whoa...

♪ Depart, get go, get lost
and hit the road, Jack ♪

♪ Make tracks, exit stage right
and never come back. ♪

♪ ♪

♪ We ought to make like a tree
and leave ♪

♪ Make like a banana
and split... ♪

[ pants ripping]

♪ You better make like a drum
and b*at it... ♪

♪ Or the giant's going to chop
us into teeny-weeny bits... ♪

♪ The giant is scary

♪ Her teeth are like knives

♪ If I were you guys,
I would run for your lives ♪

♪ The giant's not vegan

♪ She's one greedy gut

♪ She'll eat you for breakfast
if you don't all budge... ♪

♪ So... whoa, whoa, whoa...

♪ Good-bye, adios,
sayonara, adieu♪

♪ Get lost afore she makes
some hash out of you! ♪

♪ ♪

♪ We ought to make like a tree
and leave ♪

♪ Make like a banana and split

♪ We better make like a drum
and b*at it ♪

♪ Or the giant's going to throw
a giant-size fit... ♪

♪ So... whoa, whoa, whoa!

♪ Good-bye, adios,
sayonara, adieu♪

♪ Get lost afore she makes
some hash out of you! ♪

♪ Oh!

[ loud stomping]

Oh, my God, she's coming!

[ babies screaming]



I spell some babies
who are really dumb.

With runny noses and diaper rash

I'll grind them up
to make dumb baby hash!

That big guy was right.

That giant really
is a meanie.

Where are they?

What? What, Giant Angelica?

I bet they're under... here.



How about


[ whispers]:
Get down!

What did you say?

I said [ chuckles],
get down!

Get funky!

[ grunting to dance rhythm]

I'm just practicizing a dance
for the party tonight.

Oh, brother!

[ sniffs]:
All right, where are
those dumb babies?

I know they're
in here somewheres.

There aren't any babies
around, Giant Angelica.

You must be imaginating things.

For your information, doofus,
it's not "imaginating,"

it's "imagination... ning."

[ farts]And I'm not doing that either.

[ sniffing]

I smell babies!


I bet this is what
you're smelling.

Oh, cookies!

Give me those!

[ munching]

There you go.

Big, hungry giant

just needs a nice snack.

Get a life, curly!

And here's some cold milk
to wash it all down.


Psst. Hey, babies!

[ Dil groans]

Is it safe
to come out now?

The coast is clear,
but it won't be for long.

You guys got to get out of here!

If Giant Angelica finds you,
she'll grind up your bones.

And turn us into dumb baby hash!

I don't know what hash is, but
I don't think I want to be it.

We're not leaving
without the giant's piggy bank!

That's right!

A fairy with prettiful wings
sended us

to snitch it
from the giant.

Yeah?! Well, good luck.

Today's the giant's birthday,

and she's throwing herself
a big party.

What's that got to do
with a piggy bank?

She's been polishing it all day

so she can show it off
for her company.

You'll never get it away
from her.

ANGELICA [ screaming]:
Harold! Streamers!

I need more streamers down here!

Bring me some more streamers!

She's bossy.

You're telling me.

I'm waiting!

I got to go.

If I were you,
I'd get out while you can.


Look at all the neat stuffs!

If we give the fairy
the giant's piggy bank,

all this will be ours.

[ babies exclaiming]

Bouncy, bouncy!

Good idea.

You are getting awful heavy.

[ slurping and gulping]

What was that?

[ gulping]

[ sighs]

[ rattling]

Boy, what a sound!

How I love to hear
that old money clink,

that beautiful sound
of cold, hard cash,

that beautiful, beautiful sound.

Nickels, nickels, nickels!

That beautiful sound
of clinking nickels.

So, what do you think, Cynthia?

Should I put my piggy bank
on the piano or on this table?

Or maybe my guests
can see my money better

if I put piggy right here
in the middle of the floor.


All that milk makes me
have to go tinkle.

I'll be right back, Cynthia.

[ all talking at once]

We better go get Aunt Moo.

We don't gots
time, Jack.

We gots to get
the piggy bank
out of here

afore the giant
gets back.

[ spits]

Allow me.

[ grunting]

[ gasps]
[ gasps]

Oh, man!

Cover up!

Do you mind?

Jeez, I just ate.

[ babbling]

Baby butt cheeks.

[ laughs nervously]


It's too heavy.

What are we going to do?

Yeah, how are we
going to move a pig?

[ all grunting]

[ Dil giggling]

That ought to do it.

Come on, guys,
let's get out of here.

[ engine starts]

[ babies exclaiming]

Uh-oh! Cat ahead
at o'clock.

That's an awful big kitty cat.

[ wheels squealing]

Oh, no, we're stuck!


What are we going to do?


[ squealing]

[ meows]

[ all gasp]

[ purring]

Aw, look, she's just
a soft, cuddly...

[ hisses]

[ growls]

k*ller kitty!

Jump, guys!

[ all grunting]

Run for your lives!

[ all exclaiming]

[ growls]

Come on, guys!

[ yowls]


[ all shouting]

[ yowls]

[ yowls]

[ yowls]

I'm not even going to ask.

N-Nice kitty.

[ yowls]

[ "Pop Goes the Weasel"

[ song out of tune]

[ gasps]

What happened to his head?!

Here it is.

[ screams]

Hey, Jack, wait up!

[ hisses]

[ yowls]

[ hisses]

Don't sh**t till you see
the whites of their flies.

[ babbling]

[ yowls]

Don't worry, guys,
we're coming!

[ grunts]


Um... a little help.

I got you.

[ both screaming]

I have a feeling
this is going to end badly.

[ yowls]

[ growling]



[ both grunt]

Well, guys, it's been
nice knowing you.

[ growling]

I never thought we'd end up
being kitty food.

[ gasps]:
Hey, where'd piggy go?

[ growling]

Somebody stole my monies!

Somebody stole my monies!
Well, we're waiting.

Are we in heaven yet?

No. Look.

[ muffled growling]

Hurry! Let's get
out of here!

[ cat yowling]

ANGELICA [ shouting]:
I want my monies!

I want my monies!

Huh? What?


Wait for Aunt Moo...!

Oh, boy.

[ brakes squeal]

Need a lift, pretty moo-moo?

Sure do.

Put the pedal to the metal,

[ engine revving]

[ whimpering nervously]

Aunt Moo was fully jazzed

that the minis had nabbed
the giant's piggy bank.

The fairy was pretty impressed, too.


You guys are good!

Gee, thanks.

We doned our best.

Aw, it was nothing.

You're safe now, Jack.

You can take off
your disguise.

What disguise?

Oh, right-- my disguise.

Well, sugar, since my little
angels did what you asked,

when do we get the keys
to the castle?


We can't wait!

Our very own castle!

I know you're all very excited,

but don't pack your bags
just yet.

What you talking about,
fairy lady?!

I'm afraid there's something
else you need to do

in order to overcome the giant.

Something else?!

Why didn't you tell us this

I'm sorry.

I guess it must have slipped
my mind.

That stinks!

Boy, does it!

What else we gots to do?

Bring me Geesey.

Who's Geesey?

The giant's goose.

Every night, she tells
the giant jokes,

and if any of them b*mb,
she lays an egg--

a golden egg, to be exact.

[ all talking at once]

[ clucking]

What do you think, kids?

Should we go back?

I don't know.
That giant was awful scary.

So was that
k*ller kitty cat.

I know it's dangerous, guys,
but we gots to go.

Our family needs
a bigger house.

Jack's right.


let's go.

I'm in.
Well, all right.

I guess we've come too far
to give up now.

But this time,
I'm going in with you.

I'm stuck!

Give me a hand, kids.

[ all straining]

You're a funny little clown.

I shall call you Woofy.

[ all shouting]


What flavor is it?



My favorite.

[ gasps]

Where did you guys
come from?

I saw you leave.

We did, but nowthe fairy lady wants us
to bring her Geesey.

You can't take Geesey!

She's going to be
the entertainment

at the party tonight.

Not anymore.

You guys just don't
get it, do you?

You're not going to be happy
till the giant crushes you

and grinds up your bones
and smashes and mashes

and bashes you
into teeny, tiny little...

Okay, that's enough, big fella.

You don't gots
to worry about us.

We can take care of ourselves.


Just tell us where
we can find Geesey.

All right, but I'm warning you--

your goose is going to be cooked

when the giant finds out.

[ gulps]

You'll find Geesey
in her dressing room

at the end of the hall.

Thanks, honey.


Ask her to tell you the joke
about the three-legged canary.

I laughed so hard,
I wet my pants.

[ Harold laughing]



I smell some babies
who are really dumb.

With runny noses
and diaper rash,

I'll grind them up
and make dumb baby hash.

Quick! Everybody hide!
Hey, what's that?!

Oh, that's, uh... one
of your birthday presents.

This stupid cow
is a present?!

Yeah-- for your farm set.

I already got one.

But this one's got, uh...
moveable limbs, see?

[ all gasp]

She can whistle, too.

[ blowing air]

Dumb thing's
already broken.

No, she probably just needs
new batteries.

Yeah? Well, where
do they go?


You got to watch out

for those moveable limbs.

[ babies laughing]

I don't gots time for this.

Cynthia and me need our nails
done for the party.

Gee, I never knew
Aunt Moo could fly.

What are you staring at?

Haven't you ever seen
a cow before?

Okay, Giant Angelica,
why don't you sit over here?

[ screams]

The light's better
over here.

All right, start painting,

Phew! Stinky!

What did you say?

I was saying
it's stinky, yeah,

that you only get
to celebrate your
birthday once a year.

Hmm. You got a point.

When we get done
with tonight's party,

start planning me
another one.


Aunt Moo!

Right here, darling.

Oh, the nerve of that giant,
calling me a stupid cow!

Bad giant.

[ laughter]

Oh, my stomach hurts.

"Did you hear the one about the
cow that jumped over the moon?

The farmer's hands were cold."

No. No.

Oh! "The farmer had cold h..."

[ laughing and honking]

That's better.

Excuse me.
[ squawks]

You ever heard
of knocking?


[ knocking]

Now go away.

I'm working
on my routine.

I got a big show

Hey, I've just written
some new material.

You want to hear it?

"There's this farmer milking
a cow.

"All of a sudden,
a bug flies into the cow's ear.

"Couple seconds later,
it squirts out into the bucket.

Seems like it went in one ear
and out the udder."

[ laughing hysterically]

You get it?

"In one ear and out the udder,"
because a cow has an udder.

[ laughing]

[ egg plops]

Jeez, tough crowd, huh?

Okay, nix the cow joke.

All righty, how about this one,

How do you fit more pigs
on a farm?

Um, I don't know--
stick them up your nose?

[ babies laughing]

What are you laughing about?

That's not funny.

It doesn't even make sense.

The punch line is supposed
to be, "Build a sty-scraper."

You get it--
"a sty-scraper"?

Oh, I love that one.

[ laughing hysterically]

[ egg plops]

Oh, come on, people!

What? This is funny stuff

That's enough!

You've painted all my nails
a bazillion times already.

Now go get Geesey.

I want to hear some jokes.

Hey, I got a joke.

How do you stop a rooster
from crowing on Sunday?

Eat him on Saturday.

Now go get me Geesey.

I want to hear the jokes
she's going to tell

at my party tonight.

But Geesey doesn't like to be
disturbed before a performance.

[ sarcastically]:
I don't care what Geesey likes.

I said, "Go get her!"

Oh, all right,
but she's not going to like it.

You got to love
this one.

Okay, you with me?

"Why is Russia
a fast country?"

'Cause their feets are stinky.

[ babies laughing]

No, it's because people
are always "Russian."

Huh? "Russian," you get it,

as in moving around real fast,

From Russia.

[ laughing and honking]

That's not funny.

[ egg plops]

Do you think it's funny?


[ babies laughing]

[ giggling]:

What's with this guy?

How come he gets
all the laughs?

It's because of the fairy,
that's it.

She put a magic spell
on him.

Now he's the life
of the party.


Gee, I wonder if she'd be
willing to help me out a little.

I mean, I used to be a riot!

Well, we're going to see her
right now.

Why don't you come along?

We'll put in a good word
for you.

The giant wants to see
Geesey's show now.

Hey, buddy,
is your name "laryngitis"?

No. Why?

Because you're a pain
in the neck.

[ laughing and honking]

[ egg plops]

Big toilet.

[ babies laughing]

Okay, that does it!

Lead the way, kiddos.

I'm going with you
to see that fairy.

Oh, I'm going to be
in big trouble.

The giant's waiting.

What am I going to do?!

Don't have a cow, doll.

I've got an idea.

You just leave it to Aunt Moo.

It's about time!

All right, Geesey, let's hear
all the funny jokes

you're going to tell
my guests tonight,

and they better be good!

What's wrong,
cat got your tongue?

[ stammering]

[ over microphone]:
"Hey, folks, it's great
to be here.

"Hey, does anybody know
what goes 'ooh, ooh, ooh'?

A cow with a lisp."

[ quietly]:
I'm getting tired
of these cow jokes.


[ laughing hysterically]

"A cow with a lips."

I get it.


Hey, you know why a flamingo
lifts up one leg?

Because if he lifted up
both legs, he'd fall over.

[ laughing]

I'd like to see that.

You're a hit.


Well, what did the tie say
to the hat?

"You go on ahead.

I'll hang around."

[ laughing]

You're k*lling me,
you're k*lling me.

This one's my favorite,
this one's my favorite.

MOO [ over microphone]:
What's hairy and coughs?

A coconut with a cold!

[ laughing]

I-I said, "A coconut
with a cold."

[ laughing]

Hey, that joke stinks!

So, where's
my golden egg?

Um... um, well, okay, see, um...

When you tell a bad joke,
you're supposed to lay an egg.

Everyone at the party
will love it.

Now, where's the egg?

Wait a minute!

You're not Geesey!

Well, that's our show.

Thank you.

Good night.

And the cow's not plastic!

[ grunting]

Hey, get back here!

Giant armpits.

[ babies laughing]

Well, good riddance, Geesey!

Your jokes stink!

And I don't need you to have
a great birthday party!

[ babies laughing]

Just give me whatever
you gave him.

Wait right here, okay, Geesey?

Gosh, that was quick!

You guys are amazing!

So, does this mean we've earned
the keys to the castle?

Um... well, not exactly.

[ laughs nervously]

Did I mention there were
three things you need to get

if you want to overcome
the giant?


No way!

This can't
be happening.

Are you kidding me?

This fairy's really
starting to bug me.

What do you want now?

The third thing you need to get
is the giant's golden accordion.

Honey, this better be
the last thing on your list,

because we're all
getting ticked!

It's the last thing.

I promise.

Cross your heart?

Hope to cry?

Stick a noodle in my eye.

[ horn toots]

Where is everybody?

They should have all been here
by now.

Maybe they got lost.

Yeah, right--

to the only castle
in town.

[ scatting]

Hey, Goldy, cut the Chinese
and play some good dance music.

[ sighs]

[ playing a polka]

Cynthia wants to dance.

No, thank you.

That wasn't a question!

[ exclaims]

But I got
two left feet!

And that's all that's
going to be left of you

if you don't dance with Cynthia.

[ breathing anxiously]

[ polka continues]

Can I stop now?!

[ munching]

No! It's a party-- keep dancing.

[ music continues]


Hey, watch where you're going!

Sorry, but it's dark in here,
and I can't see nothing.

A little to the left, g*ng.

Your other left!

Ooh, listen!

He's playing a polka dot.

Polka dots are
my favoritest musics.

I hate them.

They make my butt
all jiggly.

[ grunting to polka b*at]

Hey! Stop getting
jiggly with it!

I spy something gold.

Just a little further, kids.

[ groans]

Hey, that present's moving!


Where were you on the night
of my birthday party?

Is this
a trick question?

You were stealing my piggy bank,

so's my guests couldn't see
how much monies I got.



And you were stealing

my dumb goose,
so's I couldn't have

the bestest entertainment, too.



And as if that wasn't enough,

you tried to steal my accordion

so's I couldn't have
the bestest music at my party.


Oops, sorry.



And now you're going to pay.

Boy, are you little pip-squeaks
going to pay.

I'm going to turn you babies
into my birthday dinner--

dumb baby hash!

You can turn us into
baby hash if you want,
Giant Angelica,

but we weren't trying
to wreck your birthday.

It's just that

you taked the castle away
from all the peoples.

And lots of stuffs
that didn't belong to you.

And we was just trying
to get them back.

Because you don't know
how to share.

We just wanted the castle
for our family.

[ sarcastically]:
Oh, that's so sweet.

Now come here, you dumb babies,
so I can eat you!

[ blows raspberry]

If you think you're going to be
eating baby hash for dinner,

you'd better think again,

I'll eat whatever I want,

and no cow is going
to tell me I can't.

Udder, don't fail me now.

[ straining]

Be the milk.

Be the milk.
[ laughing cruelly]

Stupid cow doesn't even

have any...

[ gasping, gagging]

[ shouts]

Honey, we don't like
the word "stupid."

Just be glad
this is milk.

We did it!

We got the accordion!

We beated the giant!

[ all exclaim]

Now all we gots to do

is get it to the fairy and we'll
get the keys to the castle!

I can't wait to sleep
in my own bed.

And take a nice, long
bubbly bath.

[ crying in the distance]

What's that?

That sounds like
someone's crying.

[ crying echoing]

Gee, I hate to hear anyone cry.

[ blubbering]

Maybe we should go see
what's wrong.

[ gasps]

What if the giant's
trying to trick us?

Yeah, and she's waiting for us
to come back

so she can eat us?![ crying continues]

But what if it's real?

That means somebody's sad
and they might need our help.

Jack's right.

We should go back
and find out who's so unhappy.

I guess you're right.

Don't cry, sad person!

[ crying and sniffling]

The minis were fully surprised
to see

that it was the giant
who was crying.

This is the worst birthday ever.

[ wailing]

Look on the bright side,
Giant Angelica.

What bright side?

As soon as
this party's over,

I'm going to start
planning your next one.

I don't want another party.

You don't?

Those dumb babies were right--

they didn't wreck my birthday,
and they didn't wreck my party.

Nobody even showed up.

[ crying]

I got no friends...

[ sniffles]

no family...

no nothing!

I came to your party,
Giant Angelica.

Oh, that's just because I
thr*at you with bodily harm.

Oh, yeah.

[ bawling]

Poor Giant Angelica.

[ sadly]:

Nobody likes her.

And she had
a stinky birthday.

Maybe it's not too late

to fix things.

What do you mean,


we could go to her party.

As guests or as... hash?

As guests.

Oh, sure.

Yeah-- nobody
should be alone
on their birthday.

Come on, guys, let's go
wish Giant Angelica

a happy birthday.

Wait a minute.

What about the accordion?

Now, if you don't take it
to the fairy,

you won't get the castle
and all the nifty things
you wanted.

We know.



Some things are more important

than living in a big house...

And having toys.

And fancy dressies.

I don't know about that.


I guess you're right.

Some things are even more
important than a new comb.

[ all agreeing]

You're all
my precious angels.

[ scats briefly]

[ laughing]

You, too, sugar.

[ playing notes, scatting]

[ blowing nose loudly]

[ accordion playing]

Where's that coming from?

[ music continues]

I don't know.

ALL [ over accordion]:
♪ Happy birthday,
Giant Angelica! ♪

♪ We came to wish
you well-ica ♪

♪ We hope your day
is swell-ica ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you.

[ all eating noisily]

This is the yummiest cake

I ever eated.

[ babies agreeing]

You'll have to give me
the recipe, doll.

Open your birthday gift,

Giant Angelica.

You guys got me a present?

It's your birthday, isn't it?

The bestest milk in town!

You don't got to tell me.

I got a mouthful, remember?

Oh, yeah.

[ laughs nervously]

Thanks a lot
for my present, you guys,

and thanks for coming
to my party.

[ all saying "You're welcome"]


[ plays dramatic music]

I know how we can settle this.

Go ahead-- you have it.

Look! The fairy lady!

What are you doing here?

I came to congratulate
all of you.

For what?

Well, for the first time ever,

a giant shared!

[ all exclaim]

TOMMY:You're right,
she did!

Yeah, yeah-- you don't
gotta blab it to the world.

Of course I do.

[ up-tempo organ music playing,
chorus clapping in time]

♪ Let's shout it
from the mountaintop... ♪

♪ The giant shared,
the giant shared!♪

♪ What made
her stingy habits stop? ♪

♪ The babies cared,
the babies cared!♪

♪ Others tried,
but couldn't do it... ♪

♪ They pushed and shoved,
they pushed and shoved!♪

♪ The minis put their hearts
into it... ♪

♪ They showed their love,
they showed their love.♪

♪ And it was kindness
that conquered the giant. ♪

♪ Kindness,
kindness, kindness! ♪

♪ Kindness, it melts icebergs,
it makes diamonds out of coal ♪

♪ Kindness reaches down deep,
deep in your soul ♪

♪ Kindness, it tears walls down,
it makes raging waters part ♪

♪ Kindness can soften
the hardest of hearts. ♪

♪ It started
with a little bean... ♪

♪ But then it grew!

♪ It grew and grew!♪

♪ A beanstalker
like you've never seen... ♪

♪ It turned into...

♪ It turned into...♪

♪ They met a giant
who was creepy! ♪

♪ But the girl was bad!

♪ Oh, she was bad!♪

♪ They cheered me up
when I got weepy. ♪

♪ She seemed so sad!

♪ That girl was sad.♪

♪ It was their kindness
that conquered the giant. ♪

♪ Kindness,
kindness, kindness! ♪

♪ Kindness, it moves mountains

♪ Like the truth,
it sets you free! ♪

♪ Kindness made this mean
old giant weak at the knees ♪

♪ Kindness, it works wonders,
it turns gray skies into blue ♪

♪ It's simply amazing
what kindness can do ♪

♪ It's simply amazing
what kindness can do. ♪

♪ Kindness,
kindness, kindness! ♪

♪ Kindness, it moves mountains

♪ Like the truth,
it sets you free! ♪

♪ Kindness made that mean
old giant weak at the knees ♪

♪ Kindness, it works wonders,
it turns gray skies into blue ♪

♪ It's simply amazing
what kindness can do. ♪

♪ It's simply amazing
what kindness can do. ♪

♪ Oh, yeah,
I said it's so amazing! ♪

♪ Ooh... it's amazing!

It's so amazing,
so amazing, so amazing...!

[ cackling]

♪ Oh, it's just so amazing!

[ squawks, stops abruptly]

[ music slows]

♪ What kindness can... do!

♪ Oh... yeah...

[ Geesey holding high note,

Honk![ song ends]

You knew all along
what was going to happen

between us and the giant,
didn't you?


That's why you had to
keep sending us back
to the castle

till we got it right.

You're one smart cow.

Now, I think this belongs
to all of you.

That's the key
to the castle!

[ shouts]

I can't believe it!

We're moving,
we're moving!

Yeah... yay!

I guess it's time
for me to go.

Oh, you don't have to go
anywheres, Giant Angelica.

You can stay here with us
in the castle.

You'd let me stay with you?


'Cause everyone
needs a family.

Right, guys?

You bet.

You got that right, Jack!

Hooray! Yippee!

You guys are the best!

[ all straining, shouting]

Ooh! Pooping!

You can stay with us,
too, baby!

I only have one thing to say
about that.


[ all laughing]

Hey, Goldy,
let's hear some music.

This is a party.

[ Goldy playing]

[ all laughing and whooping,
Goldy playing lively polka]

I... hate polka dots!

Stop that!

[ sighs angrily]

Oh, well, if you can't b*at 'em,
join 'em.

[ all laughing]

And they all lived
happily ever after.

The end.

Wasn't that
a fantabulous story?

[ all exclaim]

[ phone ringing]

I loved it--
it was so exciting!

And it had a great ending.

Oh, it was okay.

I liked the part
where they became a family.

Yeah, I sure am glad
that giant stopped being so mean

and bossy.

Hey, Shmarold,go get me some milk!
Get it yourself, Angelica.

[ all gasp]


[ milk sloshes]


This stupid cow's not working!

Hey![ spitting]

[ all laughing]

[ cow moos]


Watch the udder!
Post Reply