04x05 - The Departed

[bunniefuu]

THEME MUSIC HEART MONITOR BEEPS Martin.

That was all pretty straightforward.

How does it feel? Good.

Must bring back some memories.

Yes.

I think I detect a note of excitement there.

It must have been hellish when your haemophobia came on.

Oh, it was.

It could happen to the best of us.

And I guess it did.

People still talk about you.

They'd probably talk about you more if you'd written something in the last five years.

I thought you always said that those that publish the most always have the least to say.

That does sound like one of mine.

I hear Edith Montgomery is prowling around Cornwall these days.

Is that right? Mmm.

First class mind.

Mmm.

My work with the Lords select committee is taking me down that way in a couple of weeks.

Be an opportunity for you and I to have some lunch.

There are one or two restaurants that pass basic hygiene standards.

(CHUCKLES) You'll need to satisfy the chief executive, and the appointments people and me, for what it's worth.

But we'd be lucky to have you.

EXCITED CHATTERING Now remember, Mrs Norton has kindly allowed us to look around her farm And we are her KIDS: Guests! Robots! That's right.

And this is not break time.

So I expect everyone to be on their best Behaviour! Now find your partners and take their hands.

Theo Wenn, do you want to stay behind in the classroom? No, miss.

Sorry, miss.

Right, then.

Come along.

Aah! Hey! Jim! Jim Selkirk! You treated me for impetigo a few months back.

Remember? Well It's all cleared up, look.

Just like you said it would.

(CHUCKLES) Didn't get a chance to thank you.

Mmm.

You're welcome.

Are you down for the sheep trials as well, then? No.

No.

Probably not your thing.

Same as the wife.

She just doesn't see it at all.

Aye.

I tell her, "Come down onto the field.

See how Sheila" Oh, that's my prize ewe.

Beautiful sheep, so she is! "See how Sheila reacts to them dogs.

" It's amazing.

Actually, I think that seat's reserved.

Huh? No, no.

I think I'm all right.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, it's because you were reading.

I'm sorry.

Me and my big mouth, eh? Yap yap yapping away! (LAUGHS AND HUMS) Mmm.

This um This impetigo I had, is it likely to come back? It's possible.

Hey, I'm glad that I bumped into you cos can you hear that? No.

It clicks sometimes when I do that.

Don't do that, then! What? If you have a medical issue, make an appointment and come to the surgery.

Sure, but seeing as you're here I'm not at work.

It's only my wrist.

Appointment! (HUMS) Sonny, Ruby, Charlie, Molly, Martha, Madison and Greg.

Theo Wenn, you get out here right now.

Thank you.

(SNORES) I'd no idea there was going to be so many! Just a bit over-excited.

I appreciate you letting us do this.

Oh, I enjoy it.

Maybe we could make it a regular thing, school trips.

I'm sure we could come to some sort of arrangement.

What, money, you mean? Not a lot.

But, well, every little helps.

We just don't have any.

I would if I could, but there's nothing in the budget.

OK, so Can anyone tell me why it's so important that we support our local farmers? (SNORES) BRAKES SQUEAL CONFUSED MURMURINGS Oh! I've never seen a dead body before.

I'm not really sure what to do.

I missed that day at training.

It's best we get a move on.

But he'syou know - dead! It's not a condition that's going to change the longer we stop here.

Maybe we should say something.

He won't hear.

Probably gone to a better place.

At least one of us has.

Come on.

When I was your age, I was fascinated by the way a farm works.

Life isn't all Space Invaders and Super Mario, you know.

Miss.

Yeah? I need the toilet.

Oh.

Can I just take Millie to the toilet? Up the stairs.

Right, any questions? Oh, come on! Somebody must have a question! Theo Wenn, you get back there right now! These are runner beans.

Has anybody ever had a runner bean? No? Remember those long, green, thin things in my kitchen? Right.

Well, now Does anybody know No, they won't.

Now, what about I know, what about beans? You've all had beans.

FRANTIC CLUCKING Can anybody see any of them in the garden? No.

Oh, god! You! Boy! What the hell do you think you're doing? You come right out of there now! You leave those chickens alone, do you hear me? What do you think you're doing with my chickens? You little so-and-so! No! Get in there! Go on! Help! Help me! (CRIES) No! Let me out! Help me! Help! Open the door! Let me out! Theo? Open the door! It's OK! It's OK, you're all right.

That little bugger tried to kick my chickens.

So you locked him in the coop? (WHIMPERS) You're all right, now, Theo.

You're going to be fine.

He's got to learn that you can't behave like that! Theo? Can you hear me? For heaven's sake, Louisa, the boy's just play-acting.

No, I think it's more than that! (WHIMPERS) Right, I'm calling Martin.

Is that necessary? Yes! I suppose it reminds you how precious life is.

You know, live each moment to the last.

Carpe diem.

Hakuna matata.

This man celebrated his precious life by eating junk food and giving himself a heart att*ck.

PHONE RINGS Louisa.

Yeah, something's happened! To the baby? No.

He can't breathe! He's gone all- Calm down.

Speak normally.

It's Theo Wenn.

He's a child in my class.

We're up at Joan's farm and he's having some sort of an att*ck.

Hold the phone where I can hear his breathing.

(BREATHES RAPIDLY) Sounds like he's hyperventilating.

Possibly a panic att*ck.

That's when the lack of oxygen compared to the carbon dioxide- Don't explain why, just tell me what to do! Have him breathe into a paper bag for a minute or two.

That should raise his carbon dioxide level.

Paper bag! It's common.

Nothing to worry about.

If his breathing doesn't improve, call me back.

Martin, there's a child in my care, lying on the ground, barely able to breathe! How quickly are you going to be here? Louisa Please, don't say anything.

I know you're angry.

No, I'm not angry, Joan.

That is not even close.

What you did today, what you did to that poor boy, anger is toosmall to cover it.

Has his condition improved? A little, yes.

As I said on the telephone, probably just a panic att*ck.

Should never have got into that state in the first place! He could have seriously hurt my birds! That doesn't justify locking him in a chicken coop! Somebody's got to teach him that that sort of behaviour is totally unacceptable.

By doing something even more unacceptable? Well, clearly, there was a discipline issue, but perhaps a coop isn't the best place for a child.

Either way, having a pregnant woman and a pensioner arguing in front of him isn't going to make him feel better.

Children need discipline.

I just wanted to teach I didn't mean this to happen.

Well, I was locked in a cupboard under the stairs all the time as a child.

It didn't affect me.

Umyou can take him home, make sure he gets plenty of rest.

Auntie Joan, if you need me, give me a call.

Out of the way.

Get out! Get out! We're going to go back to school now.

Come on, this way.

KNOCKING ON DOOR Were you expecting me? No, no.

I was preparing my evening meal.

Come in.

Thank you.

So London went well, then.

Why do you say that? You always prepared something exotic when you're in a good mood.

Which was rare.

Probably why I remember.

London was fine, yes.

And the thorny issue of your haemophobia? I told Robert it wasn't an issue.

That's not exactly true, is it? You couldn't even hold a bag of blood without passing out.

If anything, your problem's increasing the closer you get to leaving.

You're saying my subconscious doesn't want me to leave? Wouldn't that be disturbing? Highly improbable.

Do you still have that card I gave you? Yes.

You know, Dr Milligan is brilliant.

His paper on therapeutic approaches to social retardation is the best I've seen.

In fact, I spoke to him about you.

Did you? Yes.

Why don't we call and make an appointment? Cut to the chase.

There's no need.

I made an appointment.

I'm seeing him tomorrow.

I'm impressed! Well done, Ellingham.

You're finally finding your feet.

Enjoy your sushi.

Bloodless, of course.

Would you like to join me? There's plenty of fish.

Thank you.

But I've eaten.

Maybe some other time.

Of course I knew it was going to happen.

You knew she'd lock someone in a chicken coop? I knew that something would happen with her in the house by herself, all isolated.

I mean, that's how folks go bog wind! Ha! It's the wind on the moors! It drives them crazy! You better hope those doors are locked in case she comes at you with a carving Kn*fe! Ree! Ree! Carry on, please.

Don't mind me.

We didn't mean no offence, Joan.

Yes, you did.

You just didn't mean me to hear.

Yes, and that too.

(BOTH CHUCKLE) Mrs Selkirk.

I heard about Jim.

I'm so sorry.

How are you doing? I'm doing my best.

I could pop by later when I've finished my deliveries.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

Well, I You were with our Jim when he d*ed.

Yes.

Was it peaceful? Yes.

I think you'd say it was relatively peaceful.

At the end.

We started going out together when I were 13.

He looked like Donovan.

I see.

Except he had eczema.

What do youwant? Oh! Well, I I thought you, you could Anything medical? I got a touch of arthritis.

Are you taking anything for it? Got a spray from the chemist.

Good.

In 1492, Christopher Columbus set sail.

Now, does anyone know where he ended up? The answer isn't on the desk, Theo.

Theo You might not find history interesting, Theo Wenn, but when you're in my class you'll take an active .

.

part in discussions.

Bleh! Doctor Ellingham.

Yeah, yeah, I know who you are.

Listen, doc, can I ask you a question? My tan, right.

I went to Costa Rica on a hen weekend with the girls and it's starting to fade.

I was called to see Theo Wenn.

I was going to top it up at that sun bed place but my friend says it's dangerous or something.

Yes.

Excessive exposure to ultraviolet rays increases the risk of melanoma or even basal cell carcinoma.

I don't understand a word of that.

It's bad! Theo Wenn! Dr Ellingham, you took your time.

I was only called 15 minutes ago.

I suppose you and I have different definitions of emergency, then.

Until we decide where to reposition our business, we're short of storage space.

So watch your step.

He was sick once at school, twice in the car.

You're right.

I wouldn't have classed that as an emergency.

I'm sorry, doctor.

Perhaps we should have ignored our son's pain.

Oh, Theo behave! This is very inconvenient.

Especially as we have a Port Wenn sailing club function this week.

A very important fundraiser for us actually.

You'll have noticed I've stopped sending you invites.

I haven't noticed you started.

Four sent.

No RSVP, nothing.

Doctor Sim, now there was a man who was happy to mix with his peers.

Wait 24 hours and see if the virus passes through his system.

Have him drink plenty of fluids and pick up some electrolytes from the chemist.

That's it? or picked up at school.

Or the school trip at your aunt's farm.

It could've come from any number of causes.

Being imprisoned in a chicken coop is a likely one! If his condition hasn't improved by the morning, then give me a call.

Oh, god.

OVEN BEEPS (SIGHS) His Highness's lunch.

No.

No solids.

If he must eat, just burnt toast.

No butter and no preservatives.

Burnt toast? He's going to love that one.

Just a second.

We're going to need your medical opinion in writing.

That won't be necessary.

Our solicitor thinks otherwise.

What do you need a solicitor for? Your aunt locked our son in a chicken coop.

Now he's missing school.

We're going to have to hire a tutor.

All manner of expenses.

Your aunt's going to have to pay.

There's no need to make it elaborate.

I won't.

I'm sure it won't come to anything.

Julia Wenn has instructed a solicitor.

You can't ignore the seriousness of the situation! The Wenns have been scrabbling for every penny since Richard lost the boat business.

That's what this is about.

We both know I did not cause that boy's illness.

No, we don't.

There's every chance that you did! Oh, damn! You're supposed to be supporting me.

I am.

I'm not an idiot, Marty.

I know how serious this could get but I cannot change what happened! Oh, god.

You all right? If this keeps up, I shall end up like poor old Jim Selkirk.

You have a much better diet than he did.

You're neighbours for years and then suddenly Oh, I said I'd look in on her.

Auntie Joan, you need to rest.

No rest for the wicked, Marty.

I'm here to see Doctor Milligan.

You're Doctor Milligan? That's right.

So Doctor Montgomery Edithhas spoken to me a little about the trouble you're having but I thought it would be a good idea if you told me about it.

Right.

Just any general thoughts.

I have an aversion to the sight of blood and the smell of burning flesh.

And how does that make you feel? I'm a surgeon.

It's extremely inconvenient.

And how does that affect you? Personally.

It's inconvenient.

I see AndMartin, what is it that you hope to get out of these sessions with me? I'd like the inconvenience to stop.

Isn't being a surgeon all about being in control? The precision? Wouldn't the worst thing for a surgeon be to lose that control? I wonder if it's not the fear of losing control that's bringing about this crisis.

Is that your theory or Doctor Montgomery's? Does it matter? No.

Psychoanalytical claptrap, by the way.

Well, then it's her theory.

It would help me to understand if I knew more about what you're faced with.

Could you imagine for me that you are in the operating theatre performing some procedure.

Talk me through it step by step.

Now? Yes, now.

It might help you if you close your eyes.

What do you see? Nothing.

My eyes are closed.

I mean what would you see in an operating theatre? I would see the operating theatre.

And? (GRUMBLES) You're uncomfortable doing this.

You have a nasal whistle when you breathe.

It's distracting.

Probably caused by a perforated septum.

I think you're derailing our session to avoid dealing with the issue.

You won't get better if you won't engage with the problem.

At the end of the day, that's all that counts.

It doesn't make a difference to me.

I can sit here all day.

I can't.

Would it help you if I told you that you weren't running from me but from yourself? No, it wouldn't.

All right.

We'll end the session there.

I'll be in touch.

Really? Has he lost any weight? No.

He looks exactly the same.

Don't you, dear? First patient.

Mrs Selkirk needs to see you.

Oh.

Umyou've got an actual medical complaint this time? ErMaybe you'd better see her now.

Oh.

Come through.

Take a seat.

Right, Mrs Selkirk.

What's the problem? I don't know why I'm here.

I saw our Jim last night.

You dreamt about your late husband? No! No.

I saw him.

In the kitchen.

Right.

And he told me to come and see you.

"You go see that tosser Doc Martin.

" (CHUCKLES) So Here we are.

We? Me and Jim.

He's sitting over there.

It has been documented that grief can generate visual and auditory hallucinations.

I think our Jim knows there's something wrong with me.

Right.

That's not really a sufficient reason to suspect you have a medical complaint, though, is it? Doctorthey can see things that we can't.

I can't base my diagnosis on the opinion ofan hallucination.

Now, I doubt if you've had much sleep since your husband d*ed.

Well Right, well, get some rest, then.

Claire! Claire! Sorry, sorry.

Claire usually answers the door.

Yes, it can't be easy.

It's all right, Richard.

I'll deal with it.

I'm perfectly capable- I said I'll handle it.

I was called to tend your son.

Is he still vomiting? He's getting worse.

He can't keep anything down.

Louisa.

We've asked Louisa to come by because we need her statement regarding the incident.

You asked me to drop these off.

You never mentioned anything about that.

You're still intending to engage a solicitor.

We made a formal complaint to the police about false imprisonment.

He was only in there for five minutes or so.

Five? Four minutes, then.

Three.

I don't really know.

I wasn't there.

So it could have been longer? Any way we can speed this up? We have guests arrived later.

Any abdominal pain? What's that? Doesn't hurt there? I need a stool sample.

What is wrong with him? Impossible to say until the test results come back.

I'll pre-emptively treat him for campylobacter.

I knew it.

It's the bird faeces.

Bird faeces, yes.

But not necessarily from a chicken house.

No, it was probably that other time he was exposed to bird faeces! You're just protecting your aunt.

And where were you when all this was happening? Standing there, cheering Mrs Norton on? Toilet.

I have no intention of protecting anyone.

My relation to Mrs Norton has no bearing on my concern for your child's health.

Antibiotics.

Two in the morning, two in the evening.

Stool.

Uh, stool Oh, give it to me.

You'll only mess it up.

You know, Martin is a very, very good doctor.

You're carrying his child, aren't you? I don't see what that's got to do with anything.

God help me! I was three seconds away from nearly throttling her! It would've been better if you didn't speak at all.

Engaging them on the topic only made it worse.

Maybe you should defend your aunt, then, instead of leaving it to me.

I have to remain impartial.

Impartial is fine.

Unemotional? Not so good.

It seems like you've got enough emotions buzzing around for the pair of us right now.

You're saying I'm being, what, then? Well, emotional.

Obviously.

It's a product of hormonal imbalance.

Of course.

Much better to spend your time with people who don't show any feelings at all.

What do you mean? Why don't you complain about it with your friend Edith.

I'm sure she's the type who wouldn't let annoying things like emotions get in the way.

What's Edith got to do with it? I'm saying that I'm glad that I'm hormonal because it's better than being cold and prickly and intimidating.

But if that's what makes you happy, then that's fine.

Great.

Good for you.

You're wearing odd shoes.

Huh? Oh.

I- Shut up, Martin.

Get down.

Get down.

That was supposed to last two days! (SIGHS) Our Jim told me to come back here.

I don't suppose he bothered to explain why.

No.

No, I thought not.

You don't believe me, do you, doctor? Well, I believe that you believe you're seeing him and I think that's connected to your grief, lack of sleep, interrupted eating patterns.

No, I've already had my five a day of fruit and veg.

Nevertheless, I don't think you're in a fit state to take care of yourself.

Mrs Selkirk.

I'm sorry, doctor.

But our Jim thinks I really ought to see you.

What's today's date? Thursday the 15th.

Car, pencil, ambulance.

Repeat those three items.

Car, pencil, ambulance.

WellI'd still like the district nurse to keep an eye on you.

There's no need.

Joan's doing that.

No, Joan's not qualified.

(GROANS) Oh, never mind, then! Come on, Jim! Things to do.

Sorry about this, but the Wenns have requested the long arm of the law.

It was an accident.

Right.

How do you accidentally lock someone in a chicken coop? No.

I mean I didn't expect the boy to have a panic att*ck, to get ill.

You see, if it was down to me, you'd get a medal.

You see them, hooligans, running around the town causing havoc.

No respect for their elders.

Even less for the law.

I can't believe this is happening to me.

I know I made a mistake.

But I'm not aa bad person.

It's just that sometimes things build up, get on top of you.

Mmm, I'm not going to write that down because, frankly, Mrs Norton, it makes you sound a little crazy.

They've already sent me a lawyer's letter demanding money! Please, tell me what I can do to make things better.

Well, not locking children up in chicken coops would be an excellent start.

Off the record, Mrs Norton, I feel for you.

The Wenns' money problems are common knowledge.

Now I'm not saying they're exploiting this situation for financial gain.

(They are.

) But these "no win, no fee" lawyers, they're like att*ck dogs.

Don't give up until they've tasted blood.

And then they just keep chewing until there's nothing left but bones.

If I was you, I'd get a good lawyer.

You're going to need it.

Oh! Get off! Your blood pressure's raised.

The Wenns are demanding money, Martin.

Ignore them.

If she does, they'll sue.

She could end up with nothing.

If it comes to it, I'll help you with a solicitor.

I always find negotiation to be one of the most potent tools in my armoury.

That and pepper spray.

Anyway, it's good to talk.

Shut up! Perhaps if I explain from my side.

No, I wouldn't do that.

TYRES SQUEAL Oh This has all got out of hand.

I apologise for my part in what happened.

Couldn't we put it all behind us? The fact is, our son is getting worse and you're responsible for that.

Barging in with a half-hearted apology isn't going to change it! I am sorry.

I shouldn't have put your son in the hut.

That can't have made him ill.

We're not going to let you wriggle out of this.

Probably best you go now, Mrs Norton.

And from now on, we'd prefer to communicate through our solicitor.

Don't come round again.

We're not interested in your excuses.

It's justthe test came back.

It wasn't the chickens.

It was nothing to do with me.

Are you sure about that? Yes, of course.

Well, I'd like to see those results.

DOOR CLANGS We rang you half an hour ago! What's going on? I hear the test results are back.

Why wasn't I informed? I know it's your job to tell them.

But I couldn't stand the accusations.

I need to see the boy.

Wait for me outside.

It says, "No Pancake Day, no paragliding, and absolutely no pets.

" Switch the television off.

It's the last two minutes.

I said turn it off! Feeling worse? Yeah, you're here.

Shouldn't you be preparing the hors d'oeuvres? (GROANS) So what is wrong with him, then? Doesn't seem to be responding to the antibiotics.

I didn't think it is campylobacter.

Yes, well, your aunt's already told us that.

Oh, yes.

Do you know what it is or don't you? No, not yet.

Going to switch him to a course of anti-amoebic dr*gs.

You're going to give my child more dr*gs and you don't know? I don't have to treat him if you don't like it.

BELL RINGS Oh, Mrs Selkirk! Oh, how are you doing? Bearing up.

I need some more of that spray for the knee.

Arthritis flaring up? And do you have any of those whatsit drops? I've got a terrible sore eye.

Could you please let me get a word in edgeways? I am.

Oh, no, dear.

Not you.

I'm sorry.

Jim! I've already told you! I got the dog food.

It's in the bag! Right.

I'll just get what you need.

And you You just wait here and finish off your little conversation.

I didn't mean to say that.

It just came out.

No, you lied to me.

I had to.

I'm sorry, Martin! You have put me in an intolerable situation! I had to! Seemed hell-bent on suing me for something I haven't done! You don't know that.

What if the results say it is your fault? I don't know.

No, you lie and drag me into it! I can't lose the farm! I am a doctor! I have to prioritise that boy's health.

Are you sure you've got your priorities right? We're family, Martin.

That must mean something, even to you.

You jeopardise my integrity, place me in an impossible situation just to save face.

That's not my definition of family! Your definition of family isn't even in the dictionary, Martin! Good afternoon, doctor.

I need to get some Tinidazol, 400mg.

Tout de suite.

Of course you know this isn't to be used when breast-feeding or pregnant and certainly not with alcohol.

The patient's a seven-year-old boy.

I have a case to discuss with you, doctor.

Mrs Selkirk.

She came in for topical arthritis preparation on her knee and her behaviour wasodd.

She was- I can't discuss a patient.

It upset me.

I don't like to see folks arguing.

Especially not with people who aren't there.

It's wrong.

She asked for eye drops.

But only for one eye.

Don't you think that's interesting, doctor? No.

If I can be so bold, I think we have a diagnosis.

Time of life.

Goodbye.

Come back soon.

I'm always here for you.

So someone sent you a CD in the post.

Doctor Milligan.

Give it to me.

"Sorry you felt uncomfortable seeing me.

I hope this helps.

" What's she like, then? Who? Doctor Milligan.

He's a he.

Oh.

There's about a thousand questions I'd like to ask you at this point.

PHONE RINGS Al used to make me mix tapes when we started going out.

Of course, he's got awful taste in music.

Sweaty men screaming down a microphone.

a*mo-ebiassis, Theo Wenn.

Amoebiasis? That's endemic in regions where they have inadequate modern sanitation systems.

Well, that's not us, not unless we've given up plumbing.

Bet the Wenns will be pleased you cracked it.

Probably invite you for lunch, the weirdos.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS Right.

Rearrange my next appointment.

Joan.

Calm down.

What? Where are you? Fine.

I'll be there immediately.

The ambulance is on its way.

I haven't moved her.

What happened? I don't know.

I found her lying in the sheep pen.

You didn't shut her in there? No, I did not, Martin! Right, just round the corner.

BAAHING Well, go on, Martin! All right, shoo.

Get out of my way.

Come on.

Get! Get! Get! Mrs Selkirk? God.

Mrs Selkirk? Sheila went for me.

Who is Sheila? Jim's favourite.

She's over there.

She knocked me right over and then stood on my elbow.

Joan, could you hold that in place, please? Right, let me see this.

Well, you got that from a tick bite.

I get them all the time.

You don't usually react like that.

Mrs Tishell said you were having problems with your eye.

Martin Have you had flu symptoms? I had a cold a while back.

I think you might be suffering from lyme disease.

If left untreated, it can lead to neurological impairment.

And in your case, hallucinations.

I'm not having hallucinations.

Yes, you are.

Hang on.

Jim? Yeah, I'm just about to ask.

Who's going to look after Sheila? Don't worry.

I'll make sure the sheep are taken care of.

This is why he couldn't cross over the other side.

He knew I was ill and when you wouldn't help, he got Sheila to butt me so that you'd have to come.

Absolute nonsense.

Oh, Sheila! Right Auntie Joan, you stay with Mrs Selkirk till the ambulance gets here.

I have to see the Wenn family.

They'd be pleased to know results came in.

You aren't responsible for that boy's illness.

They came through? It doesn't make what you did right.

Even if the nasty little boy did deserve it.

Thank you, Marty.

Jim says you did him proud, doc.

Yes, I'm sure he does.

Oh! They're busy! Have you had diarrhoea since you came back from holiday? Everyone gets a bit of it on holiday, don't they? Claire! We need the starters! Yeah! Yeah! How long have you had it? Oh, does it matter? Look at me, dressed up like a penguin! (BLOWS) Oh! Don't! ON TV: A sleepover? Well, who are you going to- Hey! What do you want? You're obviously feeling better.

Your body reacted well with the dr*gs.

Uh-uh.

I'm still ill.

I don't feel better.

I can't go back to school for about a month.

So there! You're a nasty, ill-mannered little boy, aren't you? No doubt you'll grow into a nasty, ill-mannered adult.

(BLOWS) POP! (GAGS) (COUGHS) I just saved your life.

Imagine if that had happened with nobody here to help you.

You'd have d*ed.

Doctor Ellingham, welcome.

Do you know everyone? No.

Doctor, did you finally manage to discern our son's mystery illness? Be careful with that unless you want to leave here with an amoebic infection.

(LAUGHS) You wouldn't know from his reputation, but the doctor here has a wonderful sense of humour! No, I haven't.

The boy's suffering from amoebiasis.

A disease which is common in areas of poor sanitation and bad hygiene and where the au pair doesn't wash her hands.

I do have a name, you know! I suggest you pay more attention to your son's wellbeing and a little less time organising dinner parties to impress the village idiots and hiring solicitors.

Enjoy your meal! Excuse me.

They got me bringing homework over.

Oh, right.

At least they care enough about that.

No, I just think they like ordering people around.

Nice if they applied that discipline- BOTH: Their own boy.

Exactly.

Well, sooner or later, they'll have to own up.

They'll have to take responsibility for their own child.

Yes.

Would you like me to take the homework in? No, I can manage.

Got the right shoes on.

Yes.

DOCTOR MILLIGAN ON CD: So please, sit down.

Take a few deep breaths.

Close your eyes.

Imagine you are in theatre.

The patient is prepped.

The field is sterile.

Try and remember how it felt to be there.

Try and recall every sense.

You walk towards the patient.

You pick up a scalpel.

Statistically, it's safer to have your baby at home.

Away from men who think pregnancy is a disease.

Morning! You've got something on your shoulder.

Driving in, it just rushed out in front of the truck.