01x03 - Chuckie's in Love

[bunniefuu]

You can't
duck me, Pepe,

or stop me
from finding out

why your weird food
tastes so... weird.

Look.

Sniff.

Taste.

Food no weird!

Right.

Who doesn't love the traditional
peanut butter and corned beef?

It's weird!

Stupid, Pepe!

I forget the olive.

There.

Now, no weird.

GIRL:
Four, three, two, one!

[ rock music playing]

♪ Every birthday,
my mom and dad would say ♪

♪ "You're another year older,
another year wiser" ♪

♪ But I still go to school

♪ To get an education

♪ I treat each and every day

♪ Like a mini vacation

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up!

♪ I want the world to know

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up

♪ With you

♪ All grown up with...

♪ you.

[ school bell ringing]

Hmm.

Why you care,
little angry girl?

No one else do.

Actually, I don't,

but as the school paper's
newest ace reporter,

my first story's
got to be spectacular,

and I smell an exposé cooking
and it's in your kitchen.

Poor guy.

I remember a day
when that was us.

You mean like yesterday?

ANGELICA:
Tuna and prunes?

Why not just make noodles
out of fruit jerky?

PEPE:
I don't...

Oh...

she's the prettiest,
smartest, funniest girl

in school.

Angelica?

Step back.

I think his hormones
just kicked in.

No.

Nicole Boskorelli.

She's the perfect combo
of smart and cool.

Why don't you say "Hi"
or something?

Are you kidding?!

She probably doesn't
even know I exist.

Come on, Chuckie.

Don't be so hard
on yourself.

You're... cool.

Right, Phil?

Boy, one thing in life
I thought I could count on

was that grilled cheese
had... cheese.

Y-You say something?

[ school bell ringing]

You wrong.

Observe and watch.

Who would like to experience
my relish and anchovy aspic?

Even I'm afraid
of that.

Sounds good to me.

Yum.

Knew it.

I'm invisible
to her.

I'm just a jellyfish
with legs--

invisible jellyfish Finster.

Just talk to her.

Let your true personality
shine through.

How could she
not like you?

What am I supposed
to say?

How about,
"Hi, I'm Chuck

and you just
grabbed my aspic."

Better think fast.

Oh, no.

It's your chance
to prove you exist.

You're right, Tommy.

I'm going to be visible,
easy-to-see, big-print Finster.

Is this chair taken?

"So, 'surprise' equals prunes,

"and the only mystery to the
meat is which derby it ran.

"My advice to you
is to just say 'whoa'

to Pepe and his pukey portions."

Angelica, I see
you're hard at work
on your article.

I'm typing here.

Don't want to squelch
the creative process.

And remember,
so many great
writers started by...

writing.

Fragile souls, mining the
torment of their darkest days

so that we might
joyfully read their
depressingly tragic tales.

You ought to write
Christmas jingles.

Really?

Perhaps I shall dip my quill

into the inkwell
of my Christmases past.

[ chuckling]

[ growls]

Oh, Lil, I promised Dad
I'd do Java Lava duty this week.

[ Lil talking on other end]

I know it's a record signing.

[ Lil talking]

I know it's the Sulky Boys.

I just totally spaced.

Knock, knock.

Kimi, pretend
you're a girl.

Does my image
scream "dork"?

LIL:
Yes.

No!

Hang on, Lil.

Chuck, you are
definitely non-dork.

So, I'm cool, then?

Let's not get delirious.

You're about
a quarter till cool.

I knew it.

I need your help, Kimi.

There's this
girl I like...

Say no more.

You just need
a little tweaking here,

a little sprucing there.

It's Nicole Boskorelli.

Lil, get over here.

We got us a project.

[ Lil talking]

Thanks, Kimi.

I owe you one.

And a way for us
to see the Sulky Boys.

Okay, bye.

First thing we do
is change your look.

Then we work
on that noise you make.

[ sniffs noisily]

What noise?

Your voice.

[ with French accent]:
I am a quarter past cool, no?

[ shouts]

[ grunts]

No.

But you're
getting there.

It's no use, guys.

No matter how much
you dress me up,

I'm still going
to pull a Chuckie.

Then forget Chuckie
for now.

Here's your chance
to be someone new.

I don't know, guys--
it'll never...

[ in deeper voice]:
Hello, I am Chongo

and I am happy to visit
your country.

[ speaking slowly]:
So you're an exchange
student?

Where are you from?

He's from Latvia.

Where's that?

Next to Flatvia.

Duh.

Yes, it is summer there now.

[ school bell ringing]

Got to go.

Nice to meet you, Chongo.

The pleasure
is all mine.

Whoops.

Latvia?

Chongo?

Rolls off the tongue,
doesn't it?

Hey, Angelica.

Thanks for warning us

about the funky
cafeteria food.

I'm bringing my own lunch
from now on.

I'm only here to help.

Help to what?

Ruin Pepe?

Great article,
Angelica.

Thanks.

[ crying]

I do have the power
to change the world.

[ stammering]

What do I do?

What do I say?

Where's Chongo
when I need him?

In a paper bag
in your locker.

I am afraid I did not
catch your name

during our last... encounter.

Oh.

It's uh, uh, Nicole.

[ groans]

[ grunting]

[ giggling]

Is this some
Latvian folk dance?

[ feigning laughter]

No, no.

No, no, I cannot
be seen, because then

I, uh, would no
longer be unseen

by, uh, the people
who would, um, see me.

Oh, wow.

You're so mysterious.

[ girls giggling]

Could you hold this
for a sec?

I'll be right back.

[ whistle blows]

Whoa!

When Lil said new look...

So, you're
Moscow-meets-Miami-
in-Tahiti man?

[ laughing]:
Pretty cool, huh?

Uh, yeah, but...

aren't the circus people
going to miss their clothes?

Say what you want,
but Nicole really likes Chongo.

BOTH:
Chongo?

Give me a break.

You don't need to do
all this phony stuff

to get Nicole's attention.

Yes, I do, Tommy.

Let's face it.

Chuckie's boring and Chongo's
exciting and... mysterious.

He's got it going on.

You think Chuck could pull off
holding this girlie daisy bag?

When he's right,
he's right.

This is the smartest thing
I ever did.

Nicole likes me now.

No, she doesn't.

She likes Cheeso.

It's Chongo and it's working.

And I'm tired of being
boring Chuckie.

Boring?

You're an accident magnet.

That's fun to watch.

Guys, Chongo's the man.

Earth to Chuck.

There is no Chongo.

There is to Nicole.

I really like him.

I think he likes me.

For what, a day?

Then what?

And how long you think
you can pull this off

before Chuckie bubbles
back to the surface?

Besides, since when
is Chuckie Finster a liar?

Since it's working for me!

And anyway, who says
she has to find out?

No one, that's who.

Right?

Sorry I took so long.

So, are these
your friends?

Them?

No, no, not at all.

I do not even
know them.

After school,
Chongo's taking Nicole

on an international adventure.

Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.

We're going
to eat our way

through the food court
at the mall.

News flash,
Chuckie Chongo.

We made a deal.

You're taking my shifts

at the Java Lava,
remember?

But Teriyaki Terrace
is calling our names.

The Sulky Boys are calling
mine and Lil's.

Sorry, Chuckie,
but a deal's a deal.

This means after school,

I'll have only,
like, five minutes
to become Chongo.

Then... then
to hang with Nicole

and another five
to become Chuck,
the smoothie sl*ve!

Yeah.

Well, good luck.

[ whimpering]

[ keys clacking]

WOMAN:
Angelica.

You've inspired
the Yule log within me.

[ sounds single note]

♪ I wanted a puppy
with cute little paws ♪

♪ I wrote a long letter
to dear Santa Claus... ♪

[ sighs disgustedly]

♪ I awoke with such joy
and ran to the tree ♪

♪ And stepped
on my puppy ♪

♪ Now he's history.

Okay, Miss Little Angry.

You win!

Lucky for you,
I need this job!

I'll serve your boring
blah-blah food.

I produce your
cheese and macaroni.

I conquer
your Sloppy Joe.

Great.

Now put your oven mitt
where your mouth is.

[ hydraulic brakes hiss]

[ tires squeal]

Just you
and the shark?

Wow.

Whoa, if it isn't
Congo the gag-nificent.

It's Chongo.

I can't believe Chuckie's
still doing this.

No way it
can end pretty.

Like when she finds out
and he gets dumped?

[ dreamily]:
Your life is so fascinating.

Yes.

I could spend hours
telling you about it,

sitting in this very spot.

No, but not
here or now!

Boy, I hope I never get
that crazy over a girl.

If that's what
being 's all about,

I'm clinging to ten
till I'm .

And that was when I was
able to bring the ship

through the almost perfect
storm and save the crew.

Boy, my life hasn't been
nearly as glamorous.

I'm originally from...

[ watch beeping]

Uh, yes, you can
tell me about it
the next time we meet.

Now I have places to see
and peoples to go.

[ kissing]

Achoo.

I mean ciao.

PEPE:
She say Pepe no can cook

blah-blah food.

I show her!

I can cook the blah-blah
blindfolded.

As a fact of matter, I do this!

[ chicken squawks]

[ blender whirring]

[ groaning]

[ grunts]

Oh, Betty...

Lay off, Chas.

I'm in no mood.

Holy Hannah, is it hot in here
or is it...

It's you... again.

Look, every time
I get a little warm,
it doesn't mean...

[ gasps]:
Whoa.

Incoming.

[ grunts]

[ sighs]

[ gasping]

Hi, Dad.

Reporting for duty.

Oh, hi, Betty.

Hiya, Chuck.

Cool shades, uh,
dude... meister.

Glad you're here, Chuck.

I got to run
to the store
for more straws.

We're almost out
of bendies.

I'm not sure how long Betty
will be under this time,

so I need you
to hold down the fort.

I heard that.

If you need me,
I'll be out back

unloading beans.

[ gasping]

Hello?

Anyone here?

Uh...

Um, welcome to
the Lava Java.

Can I help you?

I passed this place
a hundred times.

Finally decided to come in.

What do you recommend?

Well, my specialty

is a pineapple-
coconut-orange-
banana smoothie.

Yum-- that sounds great.

Coming right up.

[ muttering]

[ giggles]

Don't I know you from somewhere?

Uh, kind of.

We shared a relish-
and-anchovy aspic
the other day.

We did?

Well, actually,
you swiped it

out of my hand.

Really?

Sorry.

Sometimes I start thinking about
stuff and I just space out.

Anyway, I just love
fish and relish.

Hah. Me, too.

We're probably the only two
at school who do.

Yeah.

Mmm.

This is awesome.

Hey, I'm surprised

we haven't met before.

Uh, me, too.

Hey, do you know Chongo?

[ grunts]

[ moans]

Uh, Chongo?

No, n-never
heard of him.

[ grunts]

He's the new kid
at school.

We're kind of hanging out.

He's so cool.

Uh-huh.

Even though he's so young,

he's already done so much.

Like, he once wrestled
an alligator.

Uh, sounds dangerous.

[ groaning]

You know, you're
really a great listener.

With Chongo,
I do all the listening,

uh, because, you know,
he's got so much to say.

Yeah, he sounds
like a great guy.

Hmm, yeah.

Hey, maybe we should
talk again sometime.

Really?

I mean, that'd be cool.

Sorry I hogged up
your time.

Oh, it's okay.

My time is hoggable.

[ sighs]

[ exclaims]

[ groaning]

It looks normal.

How's it taste?

What are my options?

A blanket for the pig,

sticks of fish,

loaf of meat.

Oh, brother, just
put a spork in it

and start eating.

Wow.

It's, like... normal.

Hmm!

Four bites

and he's still standing.

I hereby declare this food
weird-free and edible!

[ kids shouting excitedly]

Tommy, you are not
going to believe this.

I'm sorry, have we met?

Very funny.

But you know what?

You were right.

I hung out with Nicole
as Chuck yesterday.

We talked for a real long time
and it felt great!

Ah, you mean Mr. Boring
wasn't boring?

So it's adios
to Chongo?

Uh, well, uh...

No.

Because Chongo's kind of
like my security blanket.

He gives me confidence
with Nicole.

I think I'm a better me
because of him.

Yeah, well, guess what.

You're not.

You're lying through
your braces,

hiding from
your friends,

and worst of all,

you're dissing
my best bud-- you.

There's nothing wrong
with Chuck,

so lose the Smongo Chongo
and tell Nicole the truth.

Okay, okay!

I know you're right.

It's just...

Oh, you areright.

Living a lie is wrong,

not to mention
a lot of work.

I'm going to tell her.

This is the last

you'll ever see
of Chongo.

Right on.

From now on,
it's pure Chuck.

[ grunts]

Uh, I am sorry I'm late,
but I have got...

Chongo, sometimes people
can be such fakes!

I found out Megan
has been lying to me,

pretending to like me,

when actually it was
just some sick joke

with her and
her friends.

Oh, this is a most
terrible country.

I must leave at once.

Chongo...

I want you to meet
a friend of mine.

He could be
your friend, too.

You'll really like him.

He's sweet and kind
and totally real.

I am not sure if I should
meet someone new.

And he makes
a great smoothie.

Come on, let's go
meet my new friend,
Chuck.

So, Miss Angry
Little Know-It-Some.

[ laughs]

I suppose I must thank you.

Everyone seems
to like my blah-blah.

It took the power
of my hard-hitting article

to set things right.

It's not every reporter who's
willing to take on "The Man"

in the kitchen.

Remember...

I am responsible
for making this food normal.

[ retches]

[ screaming]

Maybe boy eat too much.

[ many children retching]

So did she...

and he...

and she...

and him.

At least the weird food
didn't make us puke...

[ retches]

Usually.

Your dumb article
did this.

You should get canned.

[ chuckling]:
No, no.

It just took the blah-blah

to show little Miss Angry here
she was wrong.

Huh?

So now she write new story

to say, "Pepe's food no weird."

Right?

KIDS [ chanting]:
Pepe's food no weird.

Pepe's food no weird.

Pepe's food no weird.
[ Chas crying]

Is something wrong,
Chasie?

Yes, Betty.

Instead of onions,
pineapples make me cry.

[ nose honks]

Well, you're right.

That's wrong.

[ nose honking]

[ crying]

Oh, my son has sunglasses
just like those.

Whoa.

I'm sure he's here
somewhere.

Maybe he's back
in the bathroom.

I'll go check.

Hey, does this look
like a locker room
to you?

[ grunts]:
Betty, it's me.

I've been pretending
to be somebody

so a girl would like me.

But she wants the fake me
to meet me

and I can't tell her
that I'm the fake me.

Ah, boy.

Kind of like when Howie
wore fake muscles
on our first date.

[ grunting]

Howie's got stuck
on his head, too.

[ electronic music playing]

[ whining]

[ panting]

[ grunts]

Hi, Nicole.

How's it going?

Great.

I want you to meet Chongo.

He just went in the bathroom

looking for you.

Oh.

[ chuckles artificially]

I didn't know you
wore an earring.

Hey, it's just
like the one...

Uh, so, where's
this Chongo?

I can't wait to meet him.

In fact, I'll go back
in there and get him now.

[ honks]

Call me wacko,

but this may not work out
for you long-term.

I'd settle for
the next five minutes.

[ panting loudly]

What happened to Chuck?

And what happened
to you?

Uh, Chuck's back there.

We... we really hit it off.

In fact, we had
a friendly wrestling match.

That's why
I look like this...

[ with French accent]:
uh, this.

What are you doing here?

I thought you said

you didn't know
these guys, Chongo.

Oh, theseguys.

I thought you meant
those other guys.

We're here for Chuck.

Seen him?
Yeah.

PHIL:
He's missing
the barf-a-thon
of the century.

Then let me go get him.

No, you stay here.

I'll go get him.

[ forcefully]:
No, I go!

Huh?

Wha...

Huh?

Let's go, go, go.

I got caught up in the intrigue.

Chuckie, you've got
to come clean.

She's totally
suspicious.

If she finds out
before you tell her,
you're doomed.

And gossip roadkill
for, like, a decade.

But I'm trapped!

She hates phonies,

which is what both of me are!

[ boys gasp]

I can't believe it.

Come on, you two.

These threeneed
to be alone.

You're Chongo?

How could you?

I can explain.

Don't have to--
I get it.

You do?

Yeah, you're just another phony.

No, I'm not!

Okay, maybe this once,
but I'm... I'm not usually.

It's just, you didn't
notice me before,

so I figured maybe you would

if I was someone more exciting
than boring old Chuckie.

And you did.

I... I just wanted you
to see me.

But I told you.

Sometimes when
I'm thinking,

I don't notice
lots of things.

You were just
one of them.

And FYI,
you're not boring.

Klutzy maybe, but
not boring, and sweet!

But you lied to me!

So I guess you probably don't
want to hang out anymore, huh?

Well, let's just say

it's going to take
a long time...

[ sighs deeply]

And a lot of smoothies

to win my trust
back, Chuck--

if that is
your real name?

Really?

Wow!

Okay, okay,
let's start right now.

One pineapple-coconut-
orange-banana smoothie
coming up.

[ sobbing]

Oh, hi, Chuckie.

Uh, Dad, this is
my good friend Nicole.

[ sobbing loudly]

The pleasure's all mine.

[ nose honks]

Hello.

I am Fungo.

Where I come from,
toilets flush
the other way.

No, where you're from,

they sometimes don't
get flushed at all.

[ laughing]

You guys are funny.

Ha, especially
Chuck.

[ laughs]

He's a riot when
you get to know him.

One time, he, uh...

Let me tell it!

[ giggles]

You see, one time,

Tommy, Fungo and I had
to spend an entire night

locked in the post office.

And, uh... we were so hungry,

we licked the glue off
all of the stamps.

And it's like my stomach
was really just like...

[ Betty gasps]

Whoa!

Incoming.