02x03 - Saving Cynthia

[bunniefuu]

GIRL:
Four, three, two, one!

[ rock music playing]

♪ Every birthday,
my mom and dad would say ♪

♪ "You're another year older,
another year wiser" ♪

♪ But I still go to school

♪ To get an education

♪ I treat each and every day

♪ Like a mini vacation

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up!

♪ I want the world to know

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up

♪ With you

♪ All grown up with...

♪ you.

[ sniffs]

Oh, it's even got
that new-room smell.

I kind of miss
your old room.

Get over it, Susie,
I already have.

Well, it looks
like you've got

the "embracing " thing in you.

If she embraces it any more,

there'll be no left
for the rest of us.

I made my mother
get rid of
everything pre-.

It's out with the old

and in with everything
you'll never have, Savannah.

For instance... Robobut.

You rang, miss?

Envious?

Uh, I mean, thirsty, Savannah?

[ Robobut whirs]

Sorry, but I only drink water
from the Pyrenees,

bottled at the source

by Dominican monks
who've sworn a vow of silence.

[ whirring]

With or without ice, miss?

Oh, uh...
surprise me.

I guess you have made
the transformation

into maturity, Angelica.

So I suppose
I should invite you

to hang out with me
and my older cousin
at the mall tonight.

That is, if your parents
will let you.

Duh!

I'm , I can do
whatever I want.

Besides,
my mother knows

I only hang out

with sophisticated
people.

[ clanging]

Sorry.

TOMMY:
No, you've got it all wrong.

We were solving
a science question.

Uh... we found out
that pudding travels
three times farther

when sh*t out of
a straw in your nose

than a straw in your mouth.

[ chiming]

Look, Pickles, study periods
are for studying,

not for seeing who's got
the strongest nostril.

You leave me
no choice but to...

[ digital organizer beeps]

Now, where was I?

[ imitating Pangborn]:
Pickles, I'll let it
slide this time.

Nice try-- I...

[ digital organizer beeps]

Sir, is that one of those
overhyped, overpriced,

cutting-edge
digital organizers?

No, it's an overhyped,
overpriced,

cutting-edge
digital organizer
that saved my life.

True, I was a little worried

about compressing
my entire existence

into something
the size of a waffle.

But my efficiency variable
has increased by %.

I guess that's important, huh?

Not only is all my personal
information at my fingertips,

but it tells me what kind of
coffee to order, what to wear,

when to go to the dentist.

Hmm, sounds like
you just need my mom.

And it'll tell me
what kind of punishment
you deserve.

I input "misuse
of pudding,"

then "Pickles"
and "Finster,"

hit this little button here
and voilà.

[ beeping]

You must water my plants
for a week?

Pay dirt!

Don't get too high
on your horse there, bucko.

Her name's Elmira
and I've had her since college.

At the Delta Tau
all-night sock hop,

her leafy tendrils did brush
my t*nk top.

So don't screw up!

[ organizer beeping]

[ growls]

How to Talk to Your Kids
So They'll Talk Back.

Well, face it, Didi,

Chuckie and Tommy have
reached a certain age

and it's up to us to keep
the lines of communication open.

Oh, yes.

I remember reading
about that
in Beyond Lipshitz.

Parents should hold
family hours

to encourage a sincere
and sharing dialogue

with their children.

That's great, Didi.

I think I'll start our very own
family hour tonight,

really get Chuckie to talk back.

If I want to know
what my pups are up to,

I eavesdrop on
their conversations.

Oh, but, Betty,
that's so, uh, invasive.

Only if they catch you
at it, Chasy.

Well, it's obvious
Betty needs to read
chapter seven:

"Outing the Inner Sanctum
Without Spying."

Which one should I wear
to the mall tonight,

"Hungry to Shop!"
or "Wish You Were Me?"

Neither, because
you're not going.

[ laughs]

For a minute there,
I thought you said
I'm not...

Going, that's right.

What?

But I'm !

Well, or not,

you're still
too young

to hang out at night
unsupervised.

But... but...

Y-you can't
do this to me!

Does the fact my room
has recessed lighting
mean nothing to you?

I'm a teenager now!

Things have changed!

Ha, not quite.

[ spluttering]

This bites!

I'm finally ,
but I might as well be six.

I mean, what's the point
of being

if you're still treated
like a kid?

Can you believe this, Cynthia?

Wha...?

I can't believe
I just talked to Cynthia.

I haven't done that in years.

Scary.

[ laughing]

Cynthia?

Cynthia!

Who?

You don't know her--
old friend.

Who you keep
stuffed
in a chest?

Gee, I'm luckier
than I thought.

You sure you put in
enough fertilizer?

It said one tablespoon.

I mean, that thing
gets any bigger,

we're going to
be watering it
with a fire hose.

Yeah, but I don't think... whoa.

Don't look down.

Huh?

[ yells]

Tommy!

[ yelling]

Whoa!

[ breathing heavily]

Whew, that was close.

[ organizer beeping]

[ stops beeping]

Pangborn's whole life
was in there.

And I have a feeling
so was ours.

Well, you said get rid of
everything pre-, remember?

And your Cynthia doll was
pre-five.

Yeah, well, when
I said "everything,"

I didn't mean, you
know, everything!

Well, I'm afraid
the thrift shop

picked up your entire
old bedroom last week.

Then Cynthia's probably sold
by now.

Oh, I'm sorry,
sweetheart.

I didn't know.

And you did say
you were all grown up.

I... am.

Okay, the most important thing
to do right now is not panic.

[ beeps feebly]

We're going to die!

[ moans]

Chetwyn.

You want to name it
now that we've k*lled it?

No, Chetwyn--
class nerd.

That kid can resuscitate
even the deadest hard drive.

All we have to do is
get it to him.

[ Pangborn's voice echoing
in hallway]

Well, all watered.

And moved her
to the desk

to get
more sun.

Uh, see you.

Hold it!

Something's not right.

[ organizer beeping feebly]

Sorry, new underwear.

Kind of rides up on me.

I want her to get sun,

but let's not roast
her tender leaves.

[ organizer beeping feebly]

Should have gone
for boxers.

[ Angelica grunting]

HAROLD:
I know what you're going
through, Angelica.

When I was, like, two,

I had a sea horse night-light
I talked to.

But I woke up
one too many nights

to find it staring at me,
so my parents gave it away.

Uh, Harold, why are you boring
me with your life pre-me?

Keep looking!

[ inhales deeply, holds breath]

There is a software
I can download
that might help,

but what with school,
chess club, math club,

science club,
ham radio society...

Right, we got it--
you're busy.

You got to have
somespare time.

Spare time?

Oh, you must mean the minutes
right after dinner.

You know, before I get
to do my homework.

You look forward
to doing homework?

It's my parents who made me
schedule in a time-out.

minutes
after dinner.

We'll come by
tonight, Chet.

It's Chetwyn.

Trust me,
I looked everywhere.

Cynthia's not here.

Sounds like you miss her.

Not!

Do you have any idea

what Cynthia's worth
these days?

We're talking
serious wheels at .

You made me
come all the way
over here

to sit in your
old bedroom--

which is totally
weird, by the way--

to tell me Cynthia is
a hot commodity?

No, I had you
come over here

because you're better
at this detective
stuff than I am.

More like
you're afraid

someone will
see you

looking
for a doll.

Do you want
to keep it down?

It's okay to miss her, Angelica.

Last winter,
my dad pilfered

my old toy
stethoscope

thinking I wouldn't mind,
but I did.

There it was, my past
holding Dad's new parabolic skis

to the car roof rack.

There's a metaphor
in there somewhere.

What kind of comparison
is that?

I mean, you can't talk
to a stethoscope.

Blows out
your pediatrician's ears.

All I'm saying is,
sometimes it's hard

letting go of
something old

when you don't
have anything new
to hang on to yet.

Except for, like,
a mini salon, a robot butler,

a makeup counter...

[ sniffs]

Maybe I do miss Cynthia
a little.

But if you tell anyone
about this...

I know, I know:
I'm dead meat.

You know, family hour,

where we can have
an open dialogue,

talk about things that might be
bothering us or bringing us joy.

Oh, oh!

I think we
got ourselves
a taker.

Shouldn't Tommy
go first?

He is older.

Oh, man, Tommy always gets
to go first.

Dil's right,
he can go first.

Meanwhile I've got to...

DIDI:
Just a minute.

Where are you going?

Well, see...
there's this... thing.

That's more important
than family hour?

Good.

You can go
after Dil.

[ inhales deeply]

[ exhales]

The thing of it is...

Well, chapter two said

you might
be reluctant

to initiate parent-
child interfacing.

No, it's just that I got to...

So, I'll go first.

Pretty convenient Mom having to
drive Kimi to hip-hop lessons.

Oh, I've been
a little worried

that my pesky sciatica
may be affecting my
job performance.

And then Betty said,
"What's all the fuss?"

And that's when I thought,
I can wear a truss.

[ groans]

I'm sorry about
hogging more than
an hour, Chuckie.

Tomorrow night,
you can take all
the time you want.

[ groans]

If I'm still alive.

Impressive how you
figured out where
Cynthia is, Susie.

Yeah, it took a brainiac like me

to ask the clerk at
the thrift shop who bought it.

Well, entrez-vous.

French for
"Get your butt in there."

What's wrong, Angelica?

What if he won't
give her up?

The man sells dolls.

How tough could he be?

And I'm sure he'll understand--
just be honest.

Nothing wins people over
like a warm smile, sincerity

and, uh...

Maybe I'd better do it.

Are you out of your mind?!

This doll's sentimental value
pales in comparison

to what it's worth
on the open market.

I can't believe a man
who sells toys is so... so...

Mean?

Welcome to
the ruthless world

of vintage doll
collecting.

But...
Exactly!

Don't let the door hit it
on the way out!

Like I always say,
honesty is the lamest policy.

It's time to use
my fail-safe method--

lying blindly through your teeth
without any remorse.

Here's what we're going to do.

Have you guys seen my organizer?

No!

[ Tommy laughs]

W-What Chuckie means is
"Were we supposed to?"

I don't know, Betty.

I sense Chuckie
was avoiding interfacing,

and Didi said the same thing
about Tommy.

[ squeals]

Been a little lost
without it?

Lost?!

This morning my mechanic said

it'd be $ for an oil change.

[ groaning]:
And I said okay!

[ shop bell jingles]

Well, I think...

Pangborn's going
to roast us alive

when he puts
two and two together.

CHUCKIE:
Then we're safe,

because he won't
be able to put two
and two together

without his
you-know-what.

[ slurping]

At least we didn't
k*ll Elmira.

[ muffled]

Aah, no,
thanks, Chas.

Gives me gas.

I said,

"I've got
to call Didi.

The kids need
an intervention
family hour."

[ Harold sniffling]

So, the real truth is

I just wanted my old doll
at my side

to comfort me during
my... operation.

[ breaking down]

Well...

[ wails]

I can go on without
a gall bladder

but not without my...

uh... Karina.

[ whispering]:
It's Cynthia.

I knew it!

She, like your gall bladder,

isn't going anywhere.

The original Cynthias
are practically extinct.

This one may not be
in mint condition,

but it'll still fetch
a hefty price.

Oh, well, if you're
talking money...

[ door slams]

[ groans]

For the record, pavement hurts.

I was ready
to throw you out, too,

when you dumped cents
on the counter.

[ crying]:
I'll never see Cynthia again.

[ Angelica sobbing]

[ sniffling]

It's about time!

Thanks, Robobut.

You are most welcome, miss.

Hmph!

[ sobbing]

[ blows nose]

Okay.

So, it's not like
I haven't noticed

how maybe sometimes,
every now and then,

I may get on people's nerves,
but never Cynthia's.

But Cynthia's a doll,

so technically
she doesn't have nerves.

The point is
I could tell her everything,

and whatever mood I was in...

I've lost something
more than a doll.

CHARLOTTE:
Angelica.

I felt just terrible
about giving away Cynthia, so...

Isn't it wonderful?

I had Jonathan search
all over for her,
which wasn't easy

after his hip replacement.

But it's not...

We could...

He'd have to give you...

Because this one's...

So there's no way

he could say no.

It's like you're sisters
speaking some secret language.

[ all panting]

[ Susie reading]

[ screaming]:
Cynthia!

"Good news.

"Accepted into week-long
microbiology retreat.

"Will repair item upon return.

Best. Chetwyn."

Whatever we do,
we mustn't take
an accusatory tone.

Right.

Besides, we don't
know if anything's
wrong yet.

TOMMY:
Well, that squares it.

We've got no choice,
Chuckie.

We've got to tell
Pangborn the truth.

CHUCKIE:
What?

Tell him that
we k*lled the thing

that made his life
make sense?

[ gasps]:
Help, Ira.

This isn't what
it looks like.

Oh, we're just here for a little
more 'tween-parent bonding.

Is there anything--
anything at all--

you boys would like
to share with us

about... oh, I don't know,
uh, school?

Oh, yeah, uh,
s-school.

It's, uh...
where we got to go...

now.

[ grunts]

Hello, I'm Cutesy Wootsy.

Yeah,
right, lady.

No, she really is

Cutesy Wootsy.

Where's the
Karl's Kollectables booth?

We've got
a mint-condition
Cynthia

he might be
interested in.

Oh, there's a hair rerooting
demonstration at :.

ANGELICA:
Come on, Harold.

[ whip cracking]

Angelica, I don't think you
should ever feel stupid

about wanting your doll back.

Look at these people!

[ roars]

Look!

My favorite
superhero doll,

Rodeo Man.

[ whip cracks]

Spurs and bullwhip
sold separately.

[ whip cracks, balloon pops]

Uh, guys, is it me
or are they following us?

[ all conversing]

You think they
want something?

There's one way to find out.

Oh, they want
something, all right--
the doll.

Let's go!

[ collectors clamoring]

Susie, heads up!

[ grunts]

[ breathing hard]

Harold!

[ panting]

[ grunts; whip cracks]

[ groaning]

Let go, varmint!

That there's
a mint-condition Cynthia,

and I aims to lassoes my way

into a fortune.

[ grunting]

Not going to... happen!

[ groaning]

Oh!

A magic bullwhip-- ha!

[ collectors clamoring]

Susie, I'm clear!

Go wide, girlfriend!

[ straining]

[ grunts]

SUSIE:
Out of the way.

Not again.

I told you...

ANGELICA:
Yeah, yeah.

It's an original
Cynthia.

Mint condition.

And this is your lucky day--

I'll trade it to you
for my old doll.

We'll see about that.

Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh...

[ collectors gasp]

[ slurping]

Mmm...

Just as I suspected--

a fake!

COLLECTOR:
We tried.

That's right!

Back to the crypt,
zombies.

I didn't know it was a fake
and I don't care.

I want my doll back.

Well, the money
that doll will bring in

is too important
to me to give up.

I'll be able to hire someone
to do the cleaning,

[ voice cracking]:
so I can finally have a life.

[ Karl crying]

And that's when
Chuckie's butt squashed...

If our children have
done something wrong,

we have a right
to know.

Not that we're using
an accusatory tone.

Your sons...

Here it comes.

Are my liberators!

By accidentally erasing

my digital organizer,

they've given me
back my life.

Pangborn's
been reborn!

[ giggling]

I even picked out my socks
this morning.

Hey, I have the exact same pair.

What are you guys
doing here?

Oh, we, uh...

Right,
we, uh...

We're terribly ashamed
of ourselves.

Whatever trouble you
got yourselves into,

you got yourselves out of.

By accepting
responsibility.

We're real proud,
guys.

I just have one question.

Who's Elmira?

Elmira.

Her leafy tendrils

did brush my t*nk top.

Smart move trading
Robobut for Cynthia.

Now you have
your old friend
to talk to again.

I think I always did.

Um, remember what you said

about how it's hard
to let go of something old

till you have something new
to hang on to?

You mean after
you made fun of
my toy stethoscope?

Uh, yeah.

It's strange,
but I'm thinking the new thing

is maybe a friendship
that's always been there.

Ours?

Thanks for helping me
get Cynthia back.

I am going to miss
Robobut, though.

He was born to clean
Karl's Kollectables.

Besides, I kind of
already have a Robobut.

HAROLD:
Whoops!

[ girls gasp]

[ crash]

[ giggling]

CHAS:
What's all the fuss?

I could wear a truss.