08x15 - Do No Harm

Episode transcripts for the show, "Adventure Time". Aired: April 5, 2010 - September 3, 2018.*
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Twelve- year-old Finn battles evil in the Land of Ooo.
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08x15 - Do No Harm

Post by bunniefuu »

[Mouse squeaks]

[Penguins chirp]

[Screeches]

[All cheering]

[Screeches]

[Quacks]

I "Adventure Time" I

I Come on, grab your friends I

I We're going to
very distant lands I

I With Jake the dog
and Finn the human I

I The fun will never end I

I It's "Adventure Time” I

JAKE:
What's the deal, bro?

I called you for grub
forever ago.

I feel like crud, man.

Why do I feel like such crud?

Um...

Is it 'cause you lost
the Finn Sword?

No.

Is it 'cause
you lost your arm again

and it got replaced
with a metal one?

No.
The arm's cool.

Is it...

'cause you got, like, a grass
clone that lives on our roof?

No. That‘s fine.

[Chewing]
Um, is it...

[Munches]

...'Cause you crushed
every bone in Susan's body

and put her in the hospital?

Susan?!
I totally forgot!

I gotta go make sure
she's all right.

Wait!
What about...

[Groans]

He's not becoming
part of the tree

or something mythological
like that, is he?

He's just thinking.

There's a bird
building a nest in his mouth.

[Chirping]

Hey, Grass Finn.
You all right?

[Groans]

Okay.
I've gotta run an errand.

But Jake will be around.

[Whispers] I'll be back
in a couple hours.

Man, IDK.

This guy kinda
gives me the willies.

Just set him up
with some activities.

Pretend he's me.

He is me.

Yeah, I guess so.

I'll just do...
Finn stuff with him.

Thanks, bro.

thtttt!

Grass Finn!
I made meatloaf!

[Footsteps
quickly approaching]

Oh, boy!

My favorite!

Hey, that's Finn's meatlo—

Yeah, my meatloaf bib.
What about it?

Nothing.

This just has to rest
for a while and ——

I want my meatloaf now!

Ha! Okay, okay.
[Chuckles]

Just how you like it.

[Chomps]

Mm—hmm!

You lost some there.

It's this grass bod.

I guess grass boys
don't get any meatloaf.

It's okay.

We'll just find you
a new favorite food.

[Fan squeaking]

Susan?
Can you hear me?

[Sighs]

I'm sorry I couldn't
stop you earlier.

I lost control.

And I realized
when my arm went all nasty

that being out of control
like that was so scary

and —— and painful.

And that's how you must've felt

after your brain jazz
got fried by that eel

and you went bonkers
on everyone.

I wasn't strong enough
to stop you.

In a way, this is all my fault.

— Finn! You did this?!
— Doctor Princess!

Do you know what it means
that she's hooked up to these?

Do you even know
what that one does?

And the creepy breathing one?

And that yucky dripping bag?
Ugh!

What are you going to do
to fix this?

I'll do anything to help Susan.

— Anything?
— Yes! I

Good, 'cause I'm tired
of doing double shifts.

Put this on.

Okay, you're a doctor now.

Good luck.

Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, wait!

I don't know how to doctor!

Look, no one
really knows anything.

The truth is...

...I'm not technically a doctor.

I don't even have
a medical degree.

Ijust came in here one day
for an X—ray,

and my first name is Doctor,

so, well,
one thing led to another.

Ciao.

Wait! Doctor Princess!

Hey, Doc, can you help me?

— Sorry. I'm not a real ——
—[Sniffles]

Aha! Just what we need.
A real Finn—style tune.

[Air whooshing]

I can't breathe.

I can't make music,
I can't breathe, I can't ——

Hey,hey.
It's okay!

Not breathing is cool.

Hey, I know what you like ——
fighting evil!

Yeah! I hate evil!

Well, let's give trouble
to some trouble!

You take the lead
on this one, brother.

Know any evil dungeons
you want to smash?

Yeah.
I know somewhere evil.

Where does it hurt?

It's the big one for me, Doc.

It's really over.

I get this pain in my paw,
and it just stays in my paw.

Oh, it's horrible.

Ah!

Wow!
You're a healing genius, Doc.

Huh. This place feels
kinda familiar somehow.

[Whirring]

[Roars]

BOTH: Huh?!

— JAKE: Grass Finn! help me!
—[Groaning]

Jake?!

Ouch! Ouch!

Jake! Hold on!

H—Hey!
Great job, man!

Hmm!

Okay.

Where's the next patient?

In here, Doctor.

Hey,baby!

What?!
Where's Doctor Princess?!

I just wanted some TLC
from a cute gal.

[Click]

So, uh...how's your, uh...
general condition?

My back is in agony,
like always.

My toes taste like candy corn.
Is that bad?

And everything smells
like licorice,

except for licorice,
which smells like ——

—[Crunch]
— Wha?!

How do you feel, Ice King?

I...feel...great!

Oh, mama!

I feel 500 years old again!

[Laughs]

Hey, we should hit the town,
go dancing...

[Thinking]
"Dr. Finn."

This fee/s pretty right.

GRASS BEAST; All right.

So you've fought your way
to the center of the maze.

But to pass this gate, you must
answer my deadly riddle.

"What squats on stony feet

Time.

The answer was
probably "time," right?

Good job, man.

Real good job.

GRASS BEAST:
Aw, come on.

[Gate creaks]

[Sniffs]

This is where the evil is.

And I'm—a gonna k*ll it!

Hey...why don't we take five?

[Warbling]

GRASSY WIZARD:
Who's out there?!

Busting into the Grassy Wizard's
grassy fortress?!

Use your head!

Hey. Do I know you?

Uh, duh!
I'm Jake the dog.

Everybody knows me.

No.
I think he means me.

He...

[Laughing evilly]

[Tink!]

He...made me.

Idid?
I did!

The, uh —— the —— the —— the...

the Grass Sword!

Geez, my memory is bad.

Okay, guy, I got a lot
of big questions for you.

Why did you make me?
Am I bad?

Am I part of a conspiracy

hatched by
one of Finn's enemies?

Or am I an eternal curse
sent by the globs?

[Chuckles]
No, nothing like that.

I just thought it would be cool.

"Grass blade" ——
it's a sort of pun.

Actually, this is great
for me, personally.

Since you're my creation,
you have to do what I say!

Chop up this trespassing dog!

I am your master ——

Ooh!

Obey m—— Oof!

Okay, maybe just leave —— Ugh!

[Grunting]

Hey,buddy,
that's —— that's plenty.

Fight the evil, right?

Yeah...but not like that.

It ain't right.

Not ri—— right?

Right here in my hand...

I hold the latest miracle cure.

Once I release
this surgical sword,

Susan's warrior instincts
will kick in

and she'll snap back
to consciousness.

Any questions?

No, let's see where this goes.

I want to see brains.

All right.

[AII gasp]

Hey, y'all.
I'm back. What?!

A sword?!

That's not
how you practice medicine!

Don't listen to her, Doc.
You're great!

You fixed me up tip—top.

Jibbs! Did your hand
always look like that?!

Well...I guess maybe not.

But I trust you.

Yo, yo, yo, Mr. Fox!
What's going on ——

[Crunch]

Aagh! My back!

I'm no doctor.

That felt kind of right
for a while.

But nah.

They would've been better off
if I had just stayed out of it.

Uh, yeah, speaking of that...

Banana guards,
prep the garden shed.

We need 50cc
of fertilizer, stat!

See, Grass Finn?

In the end,
you did the right thing,

just like Finn would have.

Uh...good job, grass me.

But I'm not you.

It's clear
that I'm someone else.

So from now on, call me...

Fern the human.

[Engine roars]

[Tires screech]

Oof!

Hello.

Excuse me.
Fern needs this bike.

[Tires squeal]

No!

Starchy's midlife crisis!

Hey, Fern, wait!

Let him go, man.
Trust me.

[Engine revs]

[Monitor beeping]

Awesome!

I Come along with me I

I And the butterflies and bees I

This party is so crazy!
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