05x06 - What's Love Got To Do With It?

[bunniefuu]

BOY:
F[ rock music plays]!

♪ Every birthday,
my mom and dad would say ♪

♪ You're another year older,
another year wiser ♪

♪ But I still go to school
to get an education ♪

♪ I treat each
and every day ♪

♪ Like a mini vacation

♪ All grown up♪

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up♪

♪ I want the world to know

♪ All grown up♪

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up♪

♪ With you

♪ All grown up with...

♪ You!

Brianna...

Paris...

Daryl...

Oh, man, a C-minus?

A "B"?!

C-plus?!

A B-minus?!

There goes pudding for a week.

Angelica, aren't you
the least bit bothered

that you got
a big ol' "D"?

No sweat-- I got plenty of time
to raise my grade.

[ bell rings]

Mrs. Smith?Sorry, Angelica.

I'm not changing your grade,
not this time.

But I worked really hard on it,

and it shows
great improvement

over my last social
studies report,

which was unfortunately lost
in a freak blender accident.

You've talked me
into changing your
grades before,

Angelica, but I'm
putting my foot down!

[ gasps]:
Oh! Oh, my Gosh!

I think I'm gonna have the baby.

[ yells]

So getting back to this grade,
there's wiggle room, right?

[ grunting in pain]

[ yelling]

Ooh...!
[ panting]

[ panting]Look, you really
don't want

to give me a "D" on the eve
of motherhood, do you?

I'll give you a "C"
if you'll just go away!

Gee, you don't look so good.

Maybe I should go with you
to the hospital.

Okay, a "B"!

Thank you.

Ooh...!

[ screaming]

Set, match. I win!

[ Tommy whooping wildly]

[ glass shatters]

[ laughs]:
Man!

I never knew Tennis Team
would be this much fun.

Yeah, but I wonder if
we'll ever actually
learn to play.

[ muttering]

What up with him?

Eh, he's been
that way ever since

the middle school's losing
streak to Kirkwood Heights.

I just don't get it.

Baseball, flag football,
even our hopscotch team

chokes at the sight
of those mighty
Kirkwood Cadets.

I'm sorry.Don't touch me, Pickles.

Okay, everybody,
hit the showers!

Shower? As in taking
your clothes off

and standing
under running water...

naked?!

Do you know any other kind?

[ laughing]

[ whimpers]

[ yells]

[ grunting, gasping]

[ all sobbing]

Guess we lost to
Kirkwood Heights again.

Did you hear the latest?

Hear what?

Word on the yard is,
Mrs. Smith's had,

like, this hundred-
pound baby.

We're getting a sub for
the rest of the year.

If you think I can snake
the regularteachers,

imagine what I can do to a sub!

Poor sap.
[ cackling]

Whoa!
Cute!

Yum!

Must be somebody's brother

from high school
dropping off a lunch.

[ all sigh admiringly]

[ sighs]:
Oh...

[ all gasp]

I'm Mr. Fisk, and, uh,
this is my Oprah moment.

This is my first real
teaching job.

I just got out of college,

which means I'm full
of fresh, innovative ways

to bore the crud out of you.

Now, can anyone tell me the date

the Fourth Amendment to
the Constitution was ratified?

July , .

Don't care.
Can anyone tell me what it says?

Uh, I know! I know!

"The right of the people to be
secured against unreasonable..."

Don't care. Now, can anyone
tell me what it means?

I can tell you little puppies
have a lot to learn.

So ditch those boring textbooks

and let's get down with your
basic Constitutional freedoms.

[ bell rings]

[ kids chatter excitedly]

All I can say is, oh, my...

Back off!
He's mine!

Please.

He won't even notice you.

He isn't gonna notice
either of you.

He is a teacher.

And he's like ten years older
than both of you.

He'll wait.

Why wait, when the one
who really cares about you

is right here?

Good.
Hold this.

You'll see. He'll notice
me when I knock him dead

with my presentation on
the Second Amendment tomorrow.

I'll stay up all night
if I have to.

You're gonna pull
an all-nighter studying?

No, accessorizing!

SUSIE:
And years after
Susan B. Anthony first started

the movement
for a woman's right to vote,

the th Amendment was ratified.

And ever since,
you boys better look out!

Thank you, Susie.

I'll consider myself served.

[ girls giggle]

I don't get what
these girls see in him.

Angelica, these last
few days have been

so, so meaningful to me.

Will you take this rose?

[ gasps]

Angelica?

Angelica, you're up.

What?
[ gasps]

Oh... right.

Angelica will be presenting
her pro and con arguments

for the Second Amendment
of the Constitution.

[ gulps]
The Second Amendment?!

That's what you were
supposed to study last night.

The Right to Bear Arms.

Oh, that.
[ clears throat]

Well, on the pro side,
a t*nk top can lengthen the neck

and is nice and cool
under jackets.

Not to mention you can show off
those totally ripped delts!

[ giggles]

Isn't the right to
bear arms about g*ns?

Yep.ANGELICA:
On the other hand,

if you've got any of my
Aunt Goldie's upper arm waddle,

bearing arms is
a definite fashion don't.

In which case...

Mr. Fisk?

About this "F".

You didn't really mean
to give me an "F", did you?

Actually I did, Miss Pickles.

You didn't even study
that amendment.

Which is exactly why
I should get a passing grade!

And please, call me Angelica.

With absolutely no understanding
of the material, I was able

to talk for ten minutes on a
subject not exactly irrelevant[ grunts]

to the young women of America...
their upper arms.

In fact, I think I even saw
a few girls taking notes!

Really cool argument.

Thank you.

But it's still an "F".

Huh?

Maybe if you put that passion

into studying for
your next assignment,

you'll do better.

Wow.

I've never seen a teacher
stand up to you like that.

Yeah.

Now I know I'm
in love for sure.

ANGELICA:
Oh, Susie, I just have
to impress Mr. Fisk with this.

Angelica,

I know you really dig Mr. Fisk,

and he's cool and all, but...

What?

I... just think

you're setting yourself up
for a world of hurt.

Are you gonna help me or not?!

So what's the topic
of this debate?

[ gasps]
Oh! Ooh!

It's my favorite teen soap,
The C.C., Citrus County!

I know I made a mistake.

But kids need to
be free to learn

from their mistakes.

How am I supposed
to grow to be a man

if you always treat me
as if I'm a child?!

But, Jordon, you b*rned down
our $ million beach house.

But kids need to be free
to learn from their mistakes!

How am I supposed to grow
to be a man...

uh, woman...

if you always treat me
as if I'm a child?!

Another "F"?!

But I worked hard
on that debate.

That speech came right out
of Jordon Casbrook's mouth.

I watch The C.C.,too, you know.

You do?

I never realized
we had so much in common.

F.

But this isn't fair!

You don't treat anyone
else in class like this.

You're picking on me!

Yes, and you want to know why?

Because you're lazy, sloppy,

and you expect everyone
to bend to your will

because you have a big mouth.

Tell me something I don'tknow!

You could be one of the most
brilliant junior debaters ever,

if you'd just do the work.

He likes me.

Good sh*t, Tommy.

Nice return, buddy.

Ow.

Ooh, slick.

[ grunts]
Right back at you.

Ow.

Chuckie, what's
the deal here?

No running, no sweat.

No sweat, no shower.

What's with the water phobia?

[ groans]

I'm scared, Tommy.

I'm so scrawny-looking,
if I take my clothes off,

I'm afraid everyone
will laugh at me.

But being naked is
such a freeing experience.

Most of the time
when I'm hanging at home,

I'm totally in the buff.

Note to self: call before
going over to Phil's.

Pickles, DeVille, shower up!

Finster.

You can skip it.

[ sighs]But if you pull that
not moving trick again,

you'll be playing human target
for the eighth grade team!

[ grunts]

[ gulps]

...turn it like this, it sounds
just like running water.

That's why Native Americans
thought it would make rain.

I mean, doesn't it sound

like running water?[ trickles]

Uh-oh.

Hold this!

Hey!

Angelica?

Is that you?

I signed up for the Debate Team.

We're debating "Should schools
have dress codes?"

I think you know
where I fall on that one.

The Debate Team?!

Are you whack?!

They're so smart they scare me.

And you don't
wear glasses.

Angelica?

You look hot.

She joined the Debate Team.

You're just doing this just
to impress Mr. Fisk, aren't you?

Fisk!

Of all the demons
sent to torment me!

This isn't about Fisk!

Okay, maybe a little.

But I've finally found something
I'm a natural at: arguing!

[ gasps]
Oh, hi, Mr. Fisk.

Check you out, Angelica.

Hello, Mr. Fisk.[ grunts]

Oh, golly, I'm sorry.Ah!

Geez, I don't know
what is wrong with me.

[ winded]:
See you at Debate.

You certainly can't be arguing

that the Civil w*r
definitively ended

the doctrine of states'
rights. If you read...

FISK:
Nervous?

[ screams]

I-I don't think I can
do this, Mr. Fisk.

I mean, look at
that girl out there.

She's so smart,
she doesn't even care

that no one has worn
denim jumpers since !

Angelica, I wouldn't have
put you on the team

if I thought you
couldn't handle it.

With this kind of preparation

and your big mouth, you could
skunk half of Congress.

Thanks.

Just remember:
question everything.

Question everything.
Question everything!

ANGELICA:
...and if we were to institute
dress codes, what's next?

Do we not live in a country
where our right

to free expression
is guaranteed?

Well, I...

Does that not include the right
to dress the way we want?

And if we regulate that,

shouldn't we regulate
other freedoms?

What about a music code?

A walking code?

Please, make her stop!

I say, take away our right
to personal self-expression

and lay waste to the very
essence of the American spirit!

[ gagging]

[ wild applause]

Woo! Go, Angelica!

[ cheering]

Way to go, Angelica.

Nice work.

Heard you smoked 'em.

BRIANNA:
Angelica.

Heard about your
smart att*ck, mm-hmm.

Is it true you're taking on
Kirkwood Heights next week?Yep.

As much as I hate to
say it, I hope you win.

If it can't be me,
I'm glad it's you.

Well, not really,
but I really hope you win.

I wonder if she means

win the debate or Mr. Fisk.

Would you stop it!

It ain't happening.

Yes, it is!

In fact, I've decided now
is the time to tell him

exactlyhow I feel.

What?!

Hey, Angelica.

k*ller work today.

Thank you, Mr. Fisk.

Um, I was wondering
if you had some time

for us to talk...

in private.

Uh, can't now, and I've got
parent conferences after school.

Tomorrow before school?

I have breakfast at that
diner across the street.

If it's really important,
why don't you stop by.

Great!

It's a date!

Mm-mm-mm.

A world of hurt.

[ squeaking]

Angelica, you're here early.

[ yawning]:
What can I say?
I'm a morning person.

Hey, Jim. How's it going?

Oh, you know, Daphne.

Same old.

Your name is Jim?

Here's a kid's
menu for you.

And can I get you

a booster seat, sweetie?

I'll take the usual, Daphne,
and, uh, burn the toast.

[ giggles]

I'll just take
the pancakes.

You psyched
to take on

the mighty Kirkwood Cadets?

Well, you know. Same old.

So what did you
want to talk about?

Oh, no need to jump
right to the headline.

Tell me about yourself.

What do you want
to know?

Hmm...

Do you have a girlfriend?!

No, been too busy looking
for a good teaching gig.

But if you did like a girl,

what kind of girl
would that be?

Hmm, someone smart, tough.

A real challenge.

Kinda like you.

Maybe when I get

to St. Louis, I'll meet
a woman just like that.

St. Louis?

[ echoing]:
I've been offered
a full-time job there.

Friday's my last day.

Last day?

I know.
I feel awful about it.

But if I don't take
this job now, I'll lose it.

Can't be
a sub forever.

WAITRESS:
Here you go.

[ blows horn]

[ sobbing]

Angelica?

I heard about Mr. Fisk leaving.

I can't believe
he'd do this to me.

[ sobbing]:
After all we've been through.

We had breakfast and everything!

You took the menu?

That's all I have left.

And this...

and this.

Maybe you should
do something

to take your mind
off of this.

How about we study
for the big debate?

Who cares about that
stupid debate?!

I was only doing it
for him anyway.

[ sobbing]

You never really believed

he'd go for you,
did you?

No.

And that's the worst part.

Liking someone so much

and knowing they'll never
feel the same way about you.

Now you know
how Harold feels.

[ sobbing]:
I know.

How pathetic is that?

[ sobbing]

Susie, would you stay
with me for a while?

I don't want
to be alone.

Sure.

[ sobbing]

[ continues sobbing]

[ car alarms blaring,
dogs barking]

Ah, good game, guys.

All right, Finster.

No more shenanigans.

Hit the shower!

This time,
I expect to see you

come out squeaky-clean
and odor-free.

[ showers running]

[ laughing]

[ alarm blaring]

[ birds cawing]

[ shrieks]

[ grunting]

[ school bell ringing]

[ whimpering]

[ panting]

[ whimpering]

[ whimpering]

Oh, hi there.

Ew!
Did you see that?

[ shrieks]

[ grunting]

How come you never
told me you played?

I can't believe you would just

bail on our debate team

the night they take on
Kirkwood Heights.

Everything I had
left with Mr. Fisk.

Besides, it's a nerd-a-thon.

Who's gonna notice anyway?

[ gasps]

Way to go, Angelica.

Right on.

You rule!

[ cheering]:
Go Angelica!

Angelica!

We'll finally clobber
Kirkwood Heights.

Sure, I was hoping it would
be through physical brutality,

but if it has to be through

logic and reason,

well, by golly, that's okay.

I know you won't
let us down.

See you tonight.

BOY:
And I submit to you

that the Monroe Doctrine
clearly stated

that the New World should be
free of European colonization.

However, the doctrine
was only effective...

Mr. Fisk?

[ applause]

And for our second debate,

we have Bryce Terman
of Kirkwood Heights,

giving
the affirmative.

And rebutting, our very own
Angelica Pickles!

[ cheering]

Angelica, you're on.

I can't do it. I can't!

Of course you can.

But I'm not smart enough
to take on these kids.

I was only smart
when Mr. Fisk was here.

I am here.

[ gasps]:
Mr. Fisk!

But I can't stay.

I have a pickup truck

full of my stuff
blocking traffic outside.

I just felt bad

not being here to wish you luck.

Fine. Don't even bother.

I'm not doing it.

Angelica, if you're
only doing this

to prove something to me,

then I don't
want you to go out there.

But if you have something to
prove to yourself, then do it.

Or else you'll always wonder
if you really had it or not.

Look, I gotta book.
I'll see you, Angelica.

[ horns honking]

[ clapping in rhythm]

CROWD [ chanting]:
Angelica! Angelica! Angelica!

You know, Susie,
this gift of gab of mine

could be the key to my future.

I'm thinking Attorney General
or infomercial host.

Either way, I guess you'll
never forget Mr. Fisk.

Fisk? I'm so over him.

I don't know
what I was thinking.

Living on a teacher's salary?
Please.

HAROLD:
Hey, Angelica.

You wanna walk home
together after school?

I'll keep five paces back.

You?!

W-Why-Why would...

Sure, Harold.

We can walk home.

And you can even
stay up with me.

If you carry
my backpack.

Oh!

[ laughing]

Oh... I'm a big brave dog.

I'm a big brave dog.
I'm a big brave dog.

[ laughing]

Hey, Chuckie,
did you hear this one?

What'd the tie
say to the hat?

Uh, you go on a head
and I'll hang around?

[ laughing]

Aw, man.

[ laughs]

Oh, that is so old, Phil.

Now, if you wanna
hear a good joke...

But being naked is such
a freeing experience.