01x20 - All About Cat/Trespassing

Episode transcripts for the TV show "CatDog". Aired: April 4, 1998 - June 15, 2005.
Conjoined siblings -- one a dog, the other a cat -- deal with the unique challenges of their existence.
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01x20 - All About Cat/Trespassing

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ One fine day
with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ a baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ no blue bug
and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ just a feline, canine,
little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ all kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪

( Cat laughs )

Feast your eyes, dog.

My fly-cycle is sure
to win first prize

at this year's
invention convention.

Hmm, sure is
a beauty, cat.

Yeah. Now, when i say "go"

gently turn that
large knob to the left.

Okay, and... go.

Ooh... hmm... mm-hmm.

Hmm... eeny, meeny, miney...


( Whirring )


( Screaming, thud, groan )

Hey, Einstein.

You making a flying machine

or, uh, just a racket?

Dog here doesn't know
his left from his right

do you, dog?

( Laughs )

I guess not.

Sheesh, must be rough
on a genius like you, cat.

You know, being attached to such
an inferior intellect and all.

Oh, you'll never know, winslow.

You'll never know.

If only there was some way...

Look, dog, i got you a present.

Oh, boy!


Not movies,
educational videos

to stimulate your brain and,
and improve your mind.

Why would i want
to improve my mind, cat?

So that i don't lose mine.

We'll start slow.

Your brain isn't used
to doing any heavy lifting.

How to learn everything.

Thinking is fun.

It makes the brain happy.

Hi, happy brain.

Now, let's sharpen up
those math skills.

If a Billy goat
takes a bus heading west

at four miles an hour...

Mt. Everest is the world's
tallest mountain...

( Snoring... )

Now, let's talk about art...

don't play with your food, dog.

I'm not playing, cat.

I'm constructing
a replica of the great pyramid.

I learned all about it
from those tapes.

Dog, i am impressed!

And a little turn
to the right.

Excellent, dog.

Now, would you mind
handing me a...

I'd suggest a Phillips head

invented by John Jacob
jingleheimer Phillips in .

( Chuckles )


( Beeping )

I must say, dog.

This has been
a glorious day.

You know, i like you smarter.

Me too, cat.

Maybe someday,
I'll be as smart as you.

( Laughs )

No, you won't.

If cat's happy now

just wait until i get
even smarter in the brain.

( Snoring )

Let's tackle
some geometry problems.

A rectangle is made up
of four -degree angles.


Too easy! Get to the hard stuff.

A body at rest
tends to stay at rest.

A body in motion
tends to stay in motion.

A dog in motion
tends to crash...

The great wall of China
is a great wall...

( Narration speeds up ):
The great gatsby is
a heck of a nice gatsby...

In the Autumn...
Spring... flowers...

( Narration going very fast )

( Yawns )

( Shrieks )


You, you, you startled me.

Sorry, cat.

Cat: A domesticated feline

from the Latin
felinius caticus.


Oh, yeah.

Um... did you
get a haircut
or something?

My mind has been expanded, cat.

I watched all tapes
seven times.

Oh, what a morning.

I've discovered a new comet,
I've sculpted

conducted an experiment

on contained nuclear fission.

Come, felinius.

Let me show you how I've
improved upon your fly-cycle.

You've completely
covered up

the pedals
and the wings!

don't you see?

With my newly implemented
design changes

they're really
not necessary.

( Laughs )

Looks to me like
you're the one

who's not
necessary, cat.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

I, I'm still the brains
behind this operation.

Oh, felinius.

Would you mind
handing me

a metric socket
wrench please?

( Confused ):
Doh, um, socket wrench...

Mete... metter...

Oh, what am i looking
for again?

Hey, i get it.

Dog's got a brain vacuum going.

He's sucking knowledge from
everywhere, including youse.

Oh, don't be ridicul...
( Gasps )

( Thumping )

You're right.

The smarter he gets,
the dumber I'm get!

Must get smart again,
must get smart again.

Must get...

( Grunting )

( Crying ):
It doesn't fit...

Congratulations, cat.

Tell us how your marvelous
invention works.

It works good, huh?

It flies with fastness
of being in the air.

Part when it goes "whoo..."

( Imitating airplane )

Allow me, felinius.


Quite so.

The bicyclus stratuspherus

is an aeronautically sound
upper-altitude vehicle

which uses atomic fuel
in a hydraulical system

to attain
maximum velocity.

And i love it!

you'd like to add?

Um... i have chocolate!

( Crowd laughing )

( Laughter echoing... )

What funny was laughing?

You think i smart not?

I'm smart.

I'm sm... ooh...

Big, red, shiny button.

( Beeping... )

No, no, feline.

Do not engage that button.

( Whir, bang )

I love it!

( Dog screaming,
cat gibbering... )

( Brakes squeal )

( Cat groaning )

They all go ha-ha
with laughing at me.

Making fun.

They make me spill
my ice cream all gone.

Well, be that
as it may

your actions were
rash and injudicious.

One really shouldn't play
with technology

beyond one's comprehension.

Wha...? Huh?

Never mind.

( Sighs )
You wouldn't understand.

You, you did...

Did this to me,
bow-wow person.

You make the smart
go bye-bye.

I want some more
smart back.

Give me back smarts.

( Grunting )

Circumference equals
pi, radius squared.

( Laughs )

Who's the smart one now?

Hey, i using
that brainy.

Oh, no, you... ooh!

The cartesian principle states,
"i think, therefore i am."

Knowledge is mine, feline!

Ah! E equals...

Mc squared.

( Thumping, groaning
and yelling... )

Dog, i...
I think we're back to normal.

Yeah, i guess we are,
felinius-- i mean, cat.

( Laughing ):
Oh, come here, you.

From now on, I'll handle
the brain work, pal.

I'm glad, cat,
'cause somebody's
got to fly this thing.



( Shrieking... )

Wha... oh, you see that,
dog, look.

My original invention

You're a genius, cat.

Oh, ain't it the truth.
( Laughs )

( Laughs )
So, how does it land?

( Laughs )
Well, that's... land?

Keep pedaling, dog.

Just keep pedaling.

( Whimpering )

Oh, my calves.

( Gasping and wheezing )

Just keep...
Just keep pedaling!

( Greasers shouting... )

( Panting )

( Scream echoing... )

Well, look what
the dog dragged in.

Hi, winslow.

Having a little fun
with the greasers?

They had fun.

We had pain.

Well, fish got to swim,
birds got to fly

and catdogs got to get pounded
by greasers.

( Panting, groaning )

I'm at the end of my rope.

Here, take a load
off your paws.

Thank you, winslow.

( Loud crash )

don't mention it.

Even in our own house
we have to suffer.

That's it!

I can't take it anymore.

I am down
with that, El gato.

Rise and shine, catdog.

Another beautiful day
of misery and torment.

( Evil laugh )







Catdog! Catdog!

Looks like somebody
flew the Coop.

This is krat,
music for the refined rodent.

( Doorbell rings )

I told you before,
i don't want to buy any cookies.

Oh, it's the greasy ones.

Hey, can catbutt come out
and run away from us please?

Sheesh, they ain't been here
for two weeks.

They're history,
gonesville, vamoose.

Catdog has left the building.

And you know what that means,
don't you?


( All laughing )



( All laughing )


Did somebody say party?

I can party.

I live to party.

Why are we partying, huh?

No more catbutt.

Here's to our
dearly departed

( laughs )... friend.

( Laughter )


Well, youse could thank me

for finally getting rid
of the freak-meister.

Excuse me?

Uh, who nailed cat
with the water balloons, huh?

Hey, they was spit balloons

and it was my spit...

Which i found in my mouth.

( Greasers arguing )

( Loud whistle )


( Growls )

And lady.

We all know i was the one
who got rid of that pest.

I mean, uh... uh... after you
did the preliminary work.

So let's quit arguing
and start celebrating.

Hey, the rat's right.

Catbutt's gone,
and that's good.

Hey, remember
the time we tried

to see how far catdog
would stretch?


I do.
I was there.

Okay, i got him.

I'm ready.

Okay, let him go on three.

One, two, three.

( Screaming )

Your buddy's on his way.

That was great, cliff.

Let's do it again.

Farther, faster, harder.

I got a good one.

Hey, once i... once i fixed
catdog's alarm clock.

( Both snoring )

( Clock rings )

( Rings again )

( Ringing... )

( Clang, crashing )

( Rumbling )

( Evil laugh )

( Both scream )

( All laugh )

They didn't come down
for a week!

( All laugh )

Hey, hey, i got a story.

Uh, remember, uh,
the time...

And, uh, we thought we were
going to... i mean... no.

Okay, um, had... uh, oh yeah.

They did something
funny to the...

Who was we talking about?

Great story, Shakespeare.

Uh, thanks.

Remember that time with the
thing and the other thing?

Those were
great times.

( All laughing )

Now, thems are gone.

Hey, we won't have catdog
to kick around anymore.

( All cheer )

( Cheering stops )

( All sigh )

Those days are gone.

Good-bye, sweet pup.

( Crying )

It's your fault!

Why'd you chase
'em away, huh?

What do you mean?

You threw the balloon!

Uh, but my spit
was in them.

Uh... oops.

( All arguing )



It was everybody's fault.

We didn't know
what we had in catdog.

Ah, nothing like a good
artichoke festival

to make you feel good.

( Talking, crying... )

Sounds like a party, cat.

One that's not
going too well.

( Crying )

( Strumming guitar slowly )

( Crying ):
♪ one fine day
with a whimper and a tear ♪

♪ a beloved catdog
ran away from here ♪

♪ our eyes are moist,
they're downright soggy ♪

♪ without our precious
little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ life ain't worth living
without catdog. ♪

( sobbing )

They was
the greatest.

If i could just sniff dog
one more time.

( Wailing )

I'd give anything to see
their bright, shiny faces.

They love us.

They, they
really love us.

Hi-ho diggity!

I knew it all the time.

( Crying... )

Wait no more,
my friends.

We're back!


In the flesh.

And the fur.

Are we glad to see you!

( All talking )

Thank you.

You're too much.

So, what do you want
to do now, pals?

Uh, pound you!

That sounds gr--
what did you say?

Pound you.

( Crashing, yelling )

Happy days
are here again.

Wait a minute.

What about the crying
and, and the missing?

Will you stop that?

♪ One fine day
with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ a baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ no blue bug
and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ just a feline, canine ♪

♪ little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ all kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog... ♪

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪
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