06x05 - A Resident Advisor and the Word 'Sketchy'

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Young Sheldon...

Arrested?

Well, they're probably
gonna have to pay some fine,

and-and they're gonna need cash.

What the hell?

What are you doing here?

I'm saving you.

Well, damn.

Look, you're just a kid, okay?

You don't understand
what's going on here.

I know my mom lost her job and
got kicked out of the church

because you won't marry my brother.

- Where you going?
- To dance.

I didn't think you Baptists did that.

We don't drink, neither. Ooh.

- The kids asleep?
- Yup.

You want to... fool around?

Are you messing with me?

I'm hoping to.

Well, hot diggity dog.

Hey.

Oh, thanks for coming.

Sounded important. What's going on?

- Walk with me.
- Okay.

You know that money I owe you?

Oh, you got it?

Yes and no.

Uh, well, which is it?

Yes, I got it,

no, I'm not giving it to you.

I want to give you

a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

- Well, I'd prefer my money.
- [video game music and chiming]

Do you see any unoccupied machines here?

- No.
- Exactly.

We are at capacity. It's time to expand.

Where?

The video store right behind that wall

just lost its lease.

Aw, heck. I was gonna
pick up the new John Candy.

Well, as my partner in this enterprise,

you can get that new
John Candy for free.

So you're gonna buy a video store?

Video store in the front,

video pokerin the back.

Where are you getting the poker machine?

- Biloxi, Mississippi.
- Oh. You didn't learn a lesson

- when you got arrested at the border?
- Yes.

I learned not to smuggle contraband

with my idiot grandson.

But there's nothing illegal
about buying poker machines.

Till you plug 'em in.

- Well, sure.
- [scoffs]

Come on. What do you say?

You and me, a panel
truck, Biloxi or bust?

So I'm gonna be your partner
in an illegal gambling room?

Hidden by a legal video store.

- Connie. Gee...
- Come on. You said you want to drive around

in an RV, see the country.

This is that, but exciting.

We could go to jail.

That's the exciting part.

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

SHELDON: Hello, Mom.

It's your son, Sheldon.

Hello, my son, Sheldon.

I have an : a.m.

class tomorrow, and I was wondering

- if I could spend the night in my dorm.
- That's fine.

Now before you answer, hear me out.

I have a list of reasons
why this is a good idea.

- Number one...
- Sheldon,

I know that you're
safe there. It's fine.

That's reason number four.
Please don't skip ahead.

Honey,

I trust you. Just go to
bed at a reasonable hour

and call if you need anything.

Otherwise, I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay. Number one: I'm not...

Goodbye, Sheldon.

Who hangs up on a list?

What's his problem now?

Nothing. He wants to
spend the night at the dorm

so he can get to an early class.

Really? And you said okay?

He is old enough

to have an overnighter, and...

it might be nice for us to
have a little alone time.

Ooh. What about Missy?

She's having dinner with a friend.

So, the house to ourselves.

I like it.

- [phone ringing]
- Hold on.

- Hello?
- SHELDON: Number two...

I have my own bathroom. Number...

Boy, that's a lot of plates.

- What do you want, Georgie?
- I just talked to Meemaw.

She says she's gonna be out
of town for a couple days.

Yup, she told me.

Patty melt. Good choice.

Okay. Enjoy.

I'm just worried about
you being all by yourself

- in that big house.
- I'll be fine.

What if there's a tornado?

Did Meemaw ever show you
where her hidey hole is?

- Georgie, I'm really busy right now.
- Sorry.

I'll swing by Meemaw's later,
maybe bring some takeout.

Don't bother. They send me
home with plenty of food.

Great. Score me a patty melt, would you?

- I won't.
- I'm gonna go now.

- What are you doing?
- Kissing our baby.

You want one, too?

No.

Bye-bye.

I'm home.

Anybody here?

- MARY: Missy?
- Yeah.

MARY: You're home early.

It's :.

Is it?

Are you sleeping?

Yeah.

Where's Dad?

GEORGE SR.: I'm here.

Ugh.

GEORGE SR.: We were
both just real tired.

Please stop talking.

[indistinct chatter]

[loud chatter and
shrieking outside room]

[rock music playing outside room]

What on earth is going on?

♪ ♪

Aah! No skateboarding in the hallway.

Aah!

This childishness cannot
be allowed to continue.

Hello. I need to tattle.

What?

Is your room on fire?

No.

But I see smoke.

Okay.

You need to know there's
people skateboarding

and playing loud music in the hallways.

What do you want me to do about it?

You're the resident advisor.

It's your job to enforce the rules.

I'll get right on it.

Thank you.

The system works.

[rock music playing]

Ugh.

Oh, I'm gonna be so cranky tomorrow.

So, how'd you hear about
these poker machines?

I know a guy.

What kind of guy?

A guy who knows a guy.

Well, what do you know about that guy?

He owned a riverboat casino.

He owned?

He might be dead.

Dead?

He might not be.

They never found the body.

Oh, my God.

- Exciting, huh?
- No.

- It's upsetting.
- Oh, now, come on.

You've been in the sporting
goods business long enough.

Haven't you ever sold
a bunch of shoulder pads

that fell off the back of a truck?

Absolutely not.

I buy 'em from a reputable
company named Tuffy.

Boring.

I smell your shampoo.

Aw, damn it.

How long have you
been sitting out there?

- All night.
- And why?

[sighs heavily]

Are you familiar with Arkham
Asylum from the Batman comics?

- No.
- Well, it's a madhouse,

as is my dormitory
after the sun goes down.

Sheldon, I am the president
of this university.

I don't handle noise complaints.

That's why there's a resident advisor.

- Oh, I went to him.
- And?

You saw me sleeping on
the bench like a hobo.

- What do you think?
- Can't you just...

I don't know... chalk this up as

part of the college experience?

Yeah, the clown college experience.

I'm sorry. I'm cranky.
[sniffles, clears throat]

I've compiled a list of reasons

why I should be appointed
the dormitory R.A.

- Number one...
- Fine. You're the R.A.

Okay. "Number one: I love rules...

creating them, following them,

and most fun of all, enforcing them."

You're the R.A., Sheldon.

Excellent. "Number two... punishment

for rule infractions must
be both fair and merciless."

- Hmm.
- Ooh. Eggs andpancakes.

That's what a lumberjack gets
for chopping all that wood.

[laughs] I'll be Paul Bunyan,

- you can be my babe, the blue fox.
- [laughs]

[laughing]: George.

Ugh. Still?

Morning, honey.

What is happening with you two?

What do you mean?

Is one of you dying?

No one's dying.

Sometimes, married people kiss.

On TV maybe, not here.

Well, young lady, how do you
think you came into this world?

Okay, you're freaking me out.

Here you go, as advertised.

All right. Those look good.

Wait. Hold on. How do we know they work?

What kind of operation
you think I'm running here?

Well, I don't know. The
word "sketchy" comes to mind.

Be cool.

Uh, you mind if we plug a couple in?

Mind if you show me the money?

Sure. Turn around.

Why?

You want the money or not?

[whispering]: Okay, go ahead.

Yeah.

Okay.

grand.

- [chuckling softly]
- Light 'em up.

[sighs]

[tunes playing, whooshing, pinging]

That's the sexiest thing
I've ever seen in my life.

Really?

Well, I just took my pants off.

SHELDON [on bullhorn]: Attention,
residents of Bower Hall.

My name is Sheldon Cooper,
and I'm your new R.A.

The age of chaos is over.

I repeat, the age of chaos is over.

Please take a moment

to familiarize yourself
with the dormitory rules

posted on the bulletin board.

Ignorance of these rules is no
excuse, and violators will be...

[bullhorn squeaks]

New rule. Unauthorized use
of my bullhorn is forbidden.

- I repeat. Unauthorized...
- STUDENT [on bullhorn]: Shut up.

[knocking]

Anybody home?

- [sighs]
- Oh, good. You're here.

Hey.

Check it out. I got this
video about childbirth.

I thought we could watch it tonight.

That sounds awful.

Well, it does say
"contains graphic images"

right there on the box.

Maybe some other time, Georgie.

No worries. I also picked
up Look Who's Talking,

which is just about
a baby who says stuff.

If you're trying to make
this, like, a date night

or something, it's not happening.

Oh, who said anything about a date?

It's just us having dinner
and watching a movie.

Last time we did that
I wound up pregnant.

Mm, that was a good date.

Well, that's not happening tonight.

I get it. Nothing romantic.

Just two future parents watching
the miracle of childbirth

or a movie that got two thumbs
up from Siskel and Ebert.

SHELDON: And not only that.

Then someone defaced my rule sheet

with a drawing of testicles.

[muffled laugh]

Well, that is so immature.

I agree. Simply naming
me dorm R.A. isn't enough

to command respect.

I need a physical
symbol of my authority,

like the way a king had a scepter.

So, you want a scepter?

No, that could be used against me.

Ooh, how about a badge?

I'd be like a Texas Ranger

who patrols the halls of a dormitory.

Well, these all just
such terrific ideas but,

um, how about an official
letter from my desk

with a handwritten note
attesting to your position?

All right. "To the
students of Bower Hall."

That's your handwriting?

"This document

bestows on Sheldon Cooper all the powers

and privileges of resident advisor."

"Bestows." I like it.

Sloppy, but I like it.

♪ I can see a new horizon ♪

♪ Realize ♪

♪ That will keep me realizin' ♪

♪ You're the biggest part of me... ♪

Nope.

♪ Need your lovin' here beside... ♪

DALE: Well, I got to tell you,

- that was pretty exciting.
- Mm. I told you.

For a while there, I felt
like Bonnie and Clyde,

without all the m*rder and mayhem.

Well, the night's still young.

So at the risk of sounding
more like Bonnie than Clyde, uh,

where do we stand in our relationship?

You're the one who broke up with me.

Oh, maybe I've rethought the situation.

So you were wrong.

I don't believe there's
any right or wrong here.

Say it. Say you were wrong.

I do regret it.

Because... you were...

wrong.

Yes.

So what do you say... you
want to give it another chance?

Hang on.

Just give me a straight answer.

I'm a big boy. I can take it.

I think we're being followed.

What?

No.

The pickup truck?

The orange Pinto.

I saw it when we gassed up.

It's been two cars back ever since.

I'm gonna speed up and see what happens.

[engine revving]

We're being followed.

Are you still excited?

No, I'm upset.

Good.

Then we're on the same page.

[rock music playing]

Open up. It's the R.A.

Yeah?

It's quiet hours. You
have to turn the music off.

- Says who?
- Me, the R.A.

You probably didn't
hear me over the music.

Maybe this will convince you.

Her cursive is maybe questionable,

but trust me, my authority is not.

♪ I know, yeah... ♪

Joke's on you. I have Scotch tape.

I don't see him anywhere. Do you?

- Nope.
- Oh, man.

Well, now that that's over, I'm starting

- to feel the excitement again.
- [chuckles]

Crazy, right? I think
that's the way danger works.

Oh, it's like a rollercoaster.

- [laughs]
- Well,

ain't this a coincidence.

Oh, come on.

[sighs]

- What's up?
- Mom and Dad are being weird.

Can I hang out here?

Actually, ain't a good time.

Come on in, Missy.

Dang it.

Sucker.

- Good.
- [door closes]

Ooh, Look Who's Talking.

- Classic.
- Hey, did you know

the baby is the guy from Die Hard?

- No.
- Yeah.

He can do everything.

I was sitting there.

Yeah, well, now you're not.

I'm being nothing but nice here.

I don't know why you got
to give me a hard time.

Why? I'll tell you why.

You ruined my life. Is
that enough "why" for you?

Hey, you weren't so innocent.

If I recall, you provided
alcohol to a minor... me.

That's illegal.

- You lied about your age.
- You lied first.

Okay, you know what? Let's not
do this in front of your sister.

It actually feels normal. Keep going.

And let's not forget, I
only lied 'cause you're hot.

Oh, my God. We don't need

to watch a movie about a talking baby.

You're right here.

Ooh, lock the door, lock the door.

- No one's home.
- Just in case.

[both laughing]

- Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
- Mmm. Mmm.

- I have a wild and crazy idea.
- Ooh,

I like where this is headed.

Let's make a baby.

You're kidding, right?

I don't know. It might
be fun to start over.

Fun? What house you been living in?

I'm serious. We've been
getting along so great,

and I have all this
extra time on my hands.

Uh, let's take advantage.

Your son's about to have a baby.
You can take care of that one.

No, my mother called dibs.

Your mother's a million years old.

You think she's gonna
be changing diapers

- in the middle of the night?
- [scoffs]

I'll tell you what your problem is.

You got kicked out of your church,

your-your kids are grown up,

you're feeling sorry for yourself, and,

yeah, you think a
baby'll solve the problem.

Well? Say something.

You make me so mad.

Where you going?

We can still do it mad.

So what do you want, uh...

- Dennis.
- Right.

Dennis. Tough name.

So what do you want... Dennis?

Couldn't help noticing you
got Texas plates on that truck.

Operating poker machines
ain't legal in Texas.

So what are you, a cop?

No, no, I'm just a guy who
might call the cops, you know,

if we don't come to an arrangement.

Can I take your order?

DENNIS: Thank you, honey.

You know, I got a hankering
for chicken fried steak.

Gravy on top, but only
if it's cream gravy.

And the mashed potatoes with
more cream and gravy on top.

And, uh, ice tea when you can.

No gravy on that. [clicks tongue]

And how about for you two?

I'm gonna use your restroom.

He knows what I like.

- You're leaving?
- Uh-huh.

- I got to tinkle.
- Uh.

Uh,

I guess I'll have the waffles,

and the lady will have, um...

[clears throat]

...also waffles.

So, what do you think?

Well, Dennis, I'm not
the guy to talk to.

Uh, why don't we wait for
the boss to finish tinkling?

[country music playing]

But I do got to tell you,
this is my first shakedown.

Don't think of it like that.

It's just a business arrangement.

Well, I've been a
businessman for years,

and I don't think I've ever
been threatened before. [laughs]

What kind of business you in?

- Hello?
- Huh?

What kind of business you in?

- Groomer.
- Hmm.

Dog groomer, yeah.

Cats if you make me, but I
pretty much love the doggies.

DENNIS: You ever do birds?

No. Mm-hmm. Birds got feathers,

and they're... they're
self-grooming, pretty much.

Yeah, I always thought
cats were self-grooming.

Well, people think that,
but, no. No, you got to...

You got to dip a cat once in a while.

Well, okay then.

Where are you going?

Dennis, I am really sorry about this.

[loud knocking]

May I help you?

There's no hot water.

There is for rule followers.

You can't just turn off the hot water.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

If you want the
benefits of civilization,

you have to behave
in a civilized manner.

The decision is yours.

I don't need a pen and
paper to take names.

- [rock music playing loudly]
- You. What's your name?

You know I'll find out and
there will be consequences.

Hey, what are you... [muffled grunting]