03x10 - Would You Like a Drumstick or a Kidney?

[bunniefuu]

GEORGE: Okay, listen up, everybody.

Gather around.

I wanna thank you all for a great first day back at work after the shutdown.

WOMAN: Yay! While we were closed, a few things went missing.

And I want them back, no questions asked.

Three reams of paper.

Two toner cartridges.

The copier.

The coffee cups, the coffee filters the coffeemaker.

The break room chairs.

The break room table.

But on a positive note to show that they appreciate everyone sticking with the company the Powers brothers are giving every employee a Thanksgiving turkey.

ERNIE: Yeah.

Got them right here, George.

There you go.

Whoa, what the hell? The oven's gonna be like: "Hey, is it in yet?" Hey, all right.

Take over for me, Ernie.

Hey, George.

Long time no see.

Well, if it isn't my lying, scamming half-brother, George.

Can I talk to you in your office? Oh, hey, dude.

How was your trip over here? Did you skitch on the bumper of a bus? Did you catch some mad air? Did you get all sad when you saw people your age driving by in cars? No.

Do you get all sad when you see people your age being driven by in hearses? Hey, that's my mom, okay? She's not gonna be in a hearse.

I'm gonna have her head frozen, and I'm gonna put it in the refrigerator.

So that way, when I get ice cream, it'll be a double treat.

I got something to tell you.

I know you're here for money.

But you're not getting more than 10 bucks.

I don't need any money.

I came here to tell you that our dad's really sick.

All right, 20.

Now, hop on your board and go cr*ck your huevos on a handrail.

I'm serious, dude.

He's got kidney disease.

That's crazy.

Just talked to him.

If he was sick, why didn't he say anything? He's put you through enough.

He doesn't wanna worry you.

He needs a new kidney.

I'm gonna give him one of mine.

Man, that's hard-core.

All those times we fought, asked if he wanted a piece of me.

Now it looks like he's gonna get one.

I came because I thought I could get Mom and Dad in from Phoenix and the whole family could be together for Thanksgiving.

Yeah.

We'll have to deal with my mom but, yeah, maybe we could do it at my house.

Oh.

Dude, that'd be great.

That'd really cheer Dad up.

I'll call him.

See you at Thanksgiving.

Hey, here.

Stuff this with a crouton and stay home.

George.

What the hell was he talking about, "See you at Thanksgiving"? Look, Mom.

I decided to invite Manny and his family over.

No.

Hell, no.

It's bad enough you let that idiot back into your life.

Why do you have to shove him into mine? Manny's sick, Mom.

He's got kidney disease.

Well, why didn't you say so? Of course Manny can come.

This year when we go around the table and say what we're thankful for let me go first.

That turkey looks like a pterodactyl.

And how do you spell pterodactyl? That turkey looks like a duck.

Hey, Mom.

Look at this antique charm bracelet Grandma Lydia gave me.

She got it in Italy.

Lydia.

You shouldn't spoil the kids.

Why not? She spoiled my marriage.

She spoiled her son.

Oh, look, the guacamole's turning brown just because she's sitting next to it.

Angie, I just can't help spoiling these children.

They are so adorable.

And besides, having a female grandmother will be good for them.

Huh? Lucky for you drag queens count.

Kids, go set the table.

We already did.

Then go to the phone, dial 9-1, and wait for my signal.

GEORGE: Great game.

- Yeah.

- It's pretty close.

- Very close.

You know, if I'd known you were sick, man, I would have called.

I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to feel sorry for me.

You know, I'm worried about my dad.

He got that sleep apnea snoring thing where your heart stops.

He likes to sleep on the couch, and sometimes I have a lady over.

Tough to get a kiss from your date after she's just seen you give your dad mouth-to-mouth.

You know, I thought about calling.

Forget about it.

It's okay.

Yeah.

[CROWD CHEERING OVER TV]

- Oh, great.

Touchdown.

- All right.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I thought you were for UCLA.

GEORGE: Angie, we're ready to eat.

ANGIE: We're just waiting for your brother.

Wow, something sure smells great.

Oh, why, thank you, George.

I had it blended in a perfumery in Paris.

Wow, they really captured the smell of baked turkey.

- Ay.

- Carmen, get off the phone! All right, everybody.

Grab a dish.

Angie, this is so great.

Two families coming together for Thanksgiving.

What is the name of George's strange friend, again? - Ernie.

- Ah.

Yes, Ernie.

I will not sit next to him.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

ANGIE: Oh, George.

George, so glad you could make it.

This is for you.

Sorry, I kind of drank half of it.

Oh.

Well, why don't we just call this your bottle, huh? Jorgito, you're not supposed to drink.

You're giving your father a kidney.

I can't give him my kidney.

The final test came in, and we're not compatible.

[LYDIA SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

All right, everybody.

Let's eat.

GEORGE: What's happening, little brother? Hey, Max, we finally made it to the big table, huh? Heh-heh.

But I still got the same chair.

This is a very special Thanksgiving.

Who would have thought a guy who grew up an only child would be standing in front of a father and a brother and a mother who lied about all of you.

ANGIE: George, please.

To the first of many holidays we're gonna spend together.

And to my brother who has shown me what real courage is by giving Manny a kidney.

It's because of this hero I'm sorry.

- That I'm gonna have the time to get to know my father.

No, you're not.

Jorgito's kidney didn't match.

But the doctor said I know.

I'm AB negative, but our blood's not a complete match.

I'm sorry, Dad.

It's not your fault, mijo.

I'm feeling a little responsible here, Manny.

I prayed for your death for a long time.

Benny, your prayers didn't cause this.

Okay.

But I specifically asked for kidney disease.

Mom.

LYDIA: There's still one last hope.

You do have another son.

And George is AB negative.

Remember? You remember.

During During the blood drive.

Remember? During the blood drive, the blond nurse wanted you to give more blood because you were so rare.

Aah! [CHUCKLING]

Well, I don't know about a kidney.

- But who wants a drumstick? - I do.

[CHUCKLES]

[CROWD CHEERING OVER TV]

- Want some dessert? - I'm gonna die.

This is my last Thanksgiving.

My last football game.

My last everything.

Pie's pretty good.

George, I'm scared.

- Manny, I know what you must be thinking.

- What's that? That we're still strangers to each other and it's not right for you to ask me for my kidney.

No, that's not what I'm thinking.

Come on, man, don't do this.

I mean, I've only seen you three times in my life and one of those times, I punched you.

It kills me to ask you but it'll k*ll me if I don't.

I need a kidney.

You can give me the gift of life.

You know, Angie's kind of in charge of the gift-giving.

I know I'm asking a huge sacrifice and I probably don't deserve it.

- I'm with you so far.

It's your decision.

I'll respect whatever you do.

George.

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

Can I talk to you? - Look.

- Sure, Lydia.

Your father needs your help.

He's at the bottom of the transplant list.

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Oh, come on, Lydia, please.

[SIGHS]

I shouldn't beg.

If you don't give your kidney to the man who gave you life I will come while you're sleeping, and I will rip it out myself, okay? I kind of miss the begging.

BENNY: Can you believe the nerve of that guy? Asking you to save his life, after he walked out of yours.

Look, if I were in his place, Mom, I'd do the same thing.

I mean, he has no other options.

Well, there's one I like.

It sounds like this: Beep, beep, beep.

[IMITATES EKG FLATLINING]

Mom! So, what are you gonna do, honey? I don't know, Angie.

I mean, he is my dad.

BENNY: No, he's not.

I was your dad.

I brought home the bacon.

I gave you your first beer.

I taught you how to shave.

Yeah, all in the same day.

George, if you hadn't been drunk, those cuts would have hurt.

- Angie, what do you think I should do? - This is your decision, honey.

I can't make it for you.

You know all the risks.

But no matter what you decide, I'll stand by you.

I can't believe you are even thinking about this.

You're his son.

What if you end up with bad kidneys like him? Are you gonna take the chance ofjust having one? Hey, I got four spare kidneys sleeping up in their room right now.

- George.

- What's the use of having kids if you can't use them for parts? Okay.

Exactly.

Now, what if I need a kidney but you've already given your spare to Manny.

What am I supposed to do? - You wanna know? - Yes, I do.

Please tell me.

[IMITATES EKG FLATLINING]

Don't do that.

I'm telling you.

What are you two doing up? He couldn't sleep and he woke me up.

You know what I do when I can't sleep? I just read some of Carmen's poetry.

If my tears could water the world, l [SNORING]

After the operation, I'm gonna hide your pain medication.

Honey, why can't you sleep? I don't want Dad to die.

I don't want you to have the kidney operation.

Max, you shouldn't even be thinking about this.

But what if the operation goes bad? Look, Max, I'm gonna be around a long time, okay? Long enough to be a strain on your marriage.

I'll live in your garage.

Maybe I'll lose it and start calling your wife "Mommy.

" But I'm gonna still be here, okay? Dad, I don't want you to do this.

Please.

Don't do this.

ANGIE: Okay, I think he heard you, honey.

Come on, let's go upstairs and go to bed.

[IMITATES EKG FLATLINING]

- Where's George? - He's out on a walk, thinking.

That's good.

I'm glad you're both here.

I have something I have to tell you.

I had a dream last night.

God came to me.

He said he doesn't want you to take my son's kidney.

He wants you to die.

- Okay, I think I made my decision.

BENNY: Okay.

You heard it: It's a no.

That's it.

Let's go.

Right out this way.

- You - Mom, Mom.

Let me do this.

I'm gonna give you my kidney.

LYDIA: Thank God.

What? Yeah.

I don't know where my kidney is, but I think you're damaging it.

Just tell me what I need to do with the tests.

I'll make all the arrangements.

And God bless you, George.

God bless you.

Maybe we should go.

George.

Thank you.

ANGIE: Are you out of your mind? If something happens to you, what are we supposed to do? What happened to, "I'll stand by you, no matter what"? I never thought you'd agree to have your kidney cut out.

I mean, you can't even handle a cold, you big baby.

Well, I think I'm doing the right thing.

I'm being noble, Angie.

I didn't marry a noble man.

I married you.

For once, she's right.

What the hell are you thinking? Look, I'm thinking this is my chance to give something back.

Growing up, it was always about what we could take from people.

We kept neighbors' packages.

We did our clothes shopping at the Laundromat.

Mom, we're the reason luggage isn't allowed at the all-you-can-eat restaurants.

Look, our whole lives, we never gave anything.

We're takers, Mom.

George, of course we're takers.

We don't have anything to give.

Now I do.

- That's my beer.

- I can't help it.

I'm a taker.

What's everybody yelling about? You explain this.

What's going on? Max.

- I'm gonna give your grandpa a kidney.

- No.

Listen to me, Max.

I'm saving a man's life.

Dad, he's a stranger.

He's super old.

Did you see the hockey stick he got me for my birthday? It's plastic.

All good reasons to let him die.

But look at it this way, son.

What if I was sick, and there was a way you could help me? Wouldn't you do it? Yeah.

Well, that's what I'm doing for my dad.

Come on, man.

They do these surgeries all the time.

I'm gonna be fine, Max.

- Are you sure? - Absolutely.

You can tell everyone that your dad's a hero.

I'll come down to your school and show off my scar.

There's gonna be a scar? But you're a big baby.

You can't even handle a cold.

[IN HOARSE VOICE]

"Max, can you put some honey in my tea?" "It hurts every time I swallow.

" It was a very bad cold.

The kind people used to die from.

I can never do nothing in this house.

[CROWD CHEERING OVER TV]

[BENNY SNORES THEN SNORTS]

George.

She stopped breathing.

Maybe it's the sleep apnea, and her heart stopped.

It's God's will.

I think she needs mouth-to-mouth.

She lived a good life.

George, in a few minutes, her brain will be dead.

All right, I'll resuscitate her.

[CAN TAB CLICKS]