09x02 - How to Deal

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] Your whole vag*na is out.

[Kourtney chuckles]
No, it's not.

[Khloé] I see London, I see France.
I saw it all.

You need to groom.

Yeah, '80s style.

What the [bleep] is an '80s [bleep].

It's, like, so hot right now.

I think '80s isn't too crazy
'cause they learned what a scissors was.

Seventies, forget about it.

It's hairy from the leg, the inner thigh,

-straight to the [bleep].
-[Khloé] Just so you know,

our family, hair doesn't even grow
on your inner thigh.

[Scott] But, trust me, if you guys let off
on the laser,

you guys would have a one-piece
that started from your knee

to your other knee.

[Khloé and Scott laugh]

[upbeat music]

-[Kris] This looks good.
-[Kim] Do you want an iced tea?

-So what am I gonna do with Jonathan?
-What, what about Jonathan?

I just feel bad.
He's in town, and I just, like…

I'm not in the mood to go out.

Well, why don't you explain to him
that you're a new mom,

and you don't feel like hitting the town,

and you guys can sit around
and watch old movies.

[Kim] Jonathan is my best friend,

and I know he's in town
and wants to go see everything

and go to all the restaurants
he hasn't been to in a while.

But I want to spend as much time
with my baby as possible,

so I just really wanna stay home.

[Kris] Why don't you watch Doctor Zhivago?

I love Doctor Zhivago.

-Me, too.
-[Kris] Have you ever seen it?

-Yes.
-I could use a good love story right now.

Especially with the whole Lamar situation.

How is she doing?

Um, you know, not great.

[Kim] I feel bad for Khloé.

Six months ago, you know,
she had a husband and a family

and a bond
that I thought would be unbreakable.

I just need to be
her support system right now,

-good or bad, one way or the other.
-[Kim] Yeah, all of us do.

Every day, I wake up and I don't know
what we're gonna be dealt.

I don't know what's gonna happen,
and it scares the [bleep] out of me.

[Kim] Yeah. Me too.

[Kim] My heart breaks for Khloé.

I feel like she's in such a place
where she just is kind of stuck,

and I understand now why she's made
so many of the choices that she's made.

But now that she has endured so much,

I want her to just figure out
what she's gonna do next.

It's just really sad to sit back
and watch somebody's life implode

right before your very eyes.

[electronic music]

[Brian] You guys have been instrumental

on making the Kardashian Collection
so successful.

Kourtney and I are doing a surprise
appearance-slash-speaking event

for a lot of the heads of all the Sears
throughout the United States.

Kourtney, what are we gonna say?

And right now,
since there's so much drama at home,

and Lamar and I aren't living together,

it's kind of fun
to just get away for the day

and be consumed in our work.

[Khloé] Should I just go into, like,

"This is a really devastating time
for me right now, and it's really hard.

I'm gonna be all alone, but I'm here!"

-No, don't say anything like that. No.
-She's kidding, Brian.

Khloé is really so strong.

No matter what is going on,

she always steps up to the plate
when it comes to work stuff.

I thought that would guilt them
into selling more stuff for us.

I totally offered
to come do this event myself,

but she insisted on coming.

Maybe it's just good for her to be busy.

"We're so excited to be part
of this year's family."

'Cause it's my only family that I have.

I don't have one anymore.

Don't trip because there's crazy tape
and whatever there.

It's not on camera, so don't worry.

[upbeat music]

-[Jonathan] Hello?
-[Kim] Hey!

What's up?

[Kim] I'm so excited you're here.

What's going on? You're so blonde.

Every time I come back, you're blonder.

-I know. I really like it.
-[Jonathan] Yeah, it looks good.

It's just my style now is gonna be just,
like, more about laid-back.

-[Jonathan] Yeah.
-Lighter colors, no more black.

Right. So what do you want to do?
I'm here for, like, four days.

I have, like,
so many places I want to eat.

And there's, like,
all these new clubs to go to.

I love you, but I'm not going to a club.

So, I hope you have other friends in LA.

I mean, I do,
but I hate everyone, you know?

You know the last time I went to a club?

For Halloween at LIV.

-When we were the Batman group.
-A year ago, yeah.

I ordered North's Halloween
costume this year.

-And?
-If you saw it, you would die.

Amazing?

-Cutest thing in the entire world?
-Well, I got her two. I couldn't decide.

Either a lion or a little mermaid
with a tail and just a bikini top.

And he's gonna flip.

-He's not into… like, her in a bikini.
-Yeah, of course…

[Kris] Hey.

-Hi!
-Hi.

-What's up?
-Look at your outfit.

[Jonathan] Why are you wearing…

That's really uncomfortable.
You're dressed like Kanye.

-[Kris] We're like twins.
-I'm not wearing the work boot, yeah…

-[Kris] Hi.
-[Jonathan] What's up?

-I missed you so much.
-[Jonathan] How are you? You look good.

Have you lost weight? You look very thin.

-Thank you. A little. I'm just trying.
-What's going… Yeah?

-[Jonathan] Working out?
-Trying to keep up with her.

-[Kris] What were you guys talking about?
-Well, I'm just trying to, like, go eat,

and Kim, of course,
is being uncomfortable.

[Kim] He wants to go to, like…
talking about the clubs.

You have been the least social person
in life for the last three months.

I really am on a mission in my mind,

and if I start going to restaurants
here and there with Jonathan…

he's, like,
the biggest foodie of all time,

he's gonna be like,
"You just have to try this dessert."

I decided I will never eat
Taco Bell again.

That does not make me horny.

[Jonathan laughs]

I don't care about any other fast food.

-But…?
-[Kim] I don't even eat pizza.

-[Kris] But?
-Hot Dog on a Stick.

[Jonathan] I've never had a hot dog…

-I don't even know what that is.
-What?

-I just saw it…
-You've never had

-a Hot Dog on a Stick?
-[Jonathan] No, I swear.

-[Kim] Jonathan!
-We should go out,

-and we'll get a Hot Dog on a Stick.
-[Kim] No, Mom.

-You and I.
-Do you know where to go?

-Yes, I do.
-[Kim] Mom.

-[Kris] We have to go to dinner, too.
-I love you.

-No, I love you, but Jonathan…
-Let's go to dinner, we'll go to Boa.

-…probably has, like, other friends.
-What?

[Kris] He wants to go out.

You're in there, like,
playing dress-up with North,

so what's wrong with me
hanging out with him for a minute?

-[Kris] He wants to hang out with me.
-[Kim] Fine.

-Don't you want to hang out with me?
-Yeah. We'll go get a…

No, I wanna take you.

-No, Kim, you're way too busy.
-[Kim] But he has to run out…

-[Jonathan] I mean, we're gonna go eat.
-In our matching outfits.

[Kris] Kim is getting pretty comfortable
with this mommy thing

and loves staying at home,
but she cannot stay in this house forever.

[Kris] Bye, Kim!

-[Jonathan] See you later.
-[Kim] No… wait. I swear I'm coming.

-[Jonathan] Yeah, okay.
-[Kris] Yeah, sure.

-[Kim] No, I just wanna hang out…
-[Kris] You're coming out of the house?

[Jonathan] Stop playing.

[electronic music]

Are you laying down so the paparazzi
wouldn't see you?

-Why? Are they coming?
-I don't know.

I can't tell. I think so.

[Kris] Oh, they're coming.

What we do when we get to the mall
is we'll have Kim lay down,

and then we'll get out of the car
so they'll follow us, maybe, and not her.

[Kim] If they get a sh*t of me
laying down, then I'll be mortified.

[Kris chuckles]

Okay, here we are.

[paparazzi] Hey, Kris!

[Jonathan] This is it?
Hot Dog on a Stick?

-[Kris] Okay. Hot Dog on a Stick.
-Oh, my God.

Wow.

-Okay, so, a regular lemonade…
-All right, regular lemonade…

-A cheese stick and a…
-[Kris] Regular hot dog.

That's to go.

[line ringing]

-Hi, babe.
-[Kanye muttering]

Plotting and [bleep].

Hold on, babe. Hold on.

Hey. I'm just in the car
with my mom and Jonathan,

and we went to the mall
'cause he's never had…

Jonathan has never had [bleep].

Hold on. [bleep].

[crew] One… two hot dogs out, right?

-[Jonathan] Yeah, thank you.
-Thank you.

-I mean, I always heard…
-Should we ride the merry-go-round?

-Come on.
-[Jonathan] I can't believe you.

This is really… I'm pleasantly surprised.

[Kris gasps]
Oh, my god, I want this one.

Jonathan.

How much fun is this?

This is like pole dancing
without the dancing.

-This is so crazy!
-I know.

-I can show you the dancing.
-I think we should just, like…

Let me see you work it!

[Kim] I'm, like, literally surrounded
by the car

and they don't know that I'm in here
and it's like, "Ugh, hurry."

[Jonathan] Let's go
get a drink after this.

You know what we should do?

We should go to this little place
right over the hill in Malibu

where they have wine tasting.

-Let's do it.
-[Kris] Why not?

[Jonathan] Is that, like,
where they have real wine tasting?

Because, like, I always hear
about, like, wine country.

No, it's not wine country, but…

-Oh, my god. We could go to Sonoma.
-[Jonathan] You know?

-Is that wine country?
-Uh, yes,

-it's wine country.
-I'm from the East Coast,

-so we know is The Hamptons.
-Oh, my god.

Are you in if this weekend
we go to Sonoma and do wine tasting?

And I have a friend up there
who has a vineyard.

-You will die.
-[Jonathan] You're kidding.

You're gonna die.

-I'm in!
-[Kris screams]

-Let's do it!
-We're going to Sonoma!

[Kim] And they're, like, literally,
like, staring.

Like, they just can't see me.

How was your meeting?

[Jonathan] I didn't know how fun you are.
You're, like, ready to do anything.

[Kris] YOLO!

[paparazzi 1] Kris!

Hey, Jonathan, Kris, how's it going?

[paparazzi 2] Back up! Whoa! Whoa!

[Kim] Do not hand me one thing, Mom.
Are you a [bleep] idiot?

Nobody can see in. Okay.

[camera shutter clicking]

[Kim] [bleep] I think one of them just
saw me.

[all laugh]

[upbeat music]

-[Kourtney] Hi.
-[Erica] Hi.

Have a seat.

Nice to see you guys. What's happening?

Um, so, before,
I know we've talked about date night…

-[Erica] Right.
-…and having a, like, once-a-week time.

I was waiting in bed for you
to come to sleep,

-and then, Penelope made a little noise.
-But then, Penelope was up.

She brought her in her bed,
and it's nice being a priority at night.

Well, it sounds more like you're having
a feeling, like, you were neglected.

I feel like I just need to either move out
until she's, like, wants to hang out,

or call it what it is,
more of a friendship than anything else.

[Erica] Well, let's be a little more
realistic…

because to me, when you start saying,
"I want to move out,"

that means, "I'm so neglected,
and my feelings are so hurt,

there's no room in this family for me."

I don't need everything else
that comes of a relationship

if I don't get anything
of the good parts of it.

-I don't need the guilt…
-[Kourtney] What are the good parts?

Well, like romance, intimacy.

Comes to a point where it's,
you know, a little obsessive,

and then, it's kind of like,
I don't know what else you can do.

What I don't want
to have happen is for you to feel

like you need to live a separate life.

So, you need to have some things
of your own, whether that's hobbies,

or things that help you with your anxiety.

We need to find ways
to raise your serotonin levels,

and the ways to do that the best
are through physical activity.

But if I start doing
a "positive" activity,

you can't be calling me
because I'm out of the house,

and expecting that I'm gonna pick up
or be able to answer.

I would have no need to call you
if you're out doing something positive.

So we need to create positive attention,

and, to me, it means, for you,
Scott, you have to be really serious

about choosing an activity
and following through.

Maybe I should, like,
take up 1,400 hobbies, and then…

-I thought you were gonna do a marathon.
-They canceled.

[Erica] Let's try this.

Let's try the activity part,
and see what happens.

[Scott] Yeah, we'll see where it goes.

This is not my idea.

-Oh, I don't think it is.
-So…

But I think you'll enjoy me being better,
in a better place.

-I think I will.
-All right, so, we'll get there.

But, the thing is that you have to commit
to this, and it has to be for you.

[upbeat music]

-[Bruce] You're making me cupcakes?
-[Kendall] Yup.

[Bruce] A true professional.

[line ringing]

[Kendall] Who are you calling?

-I'm trying to get in touch with Lamar.
-[Kendall] Why?

-[Bruce] I'm out of here.
-[Kendall] Bye.

He tweeted a, like, a long thing.

Joe did an entire interview. Joe Odom.

"She's been talking trash about my son.
I don't think she cares about Lamar.

She cares about their image and money."

Um, I don't take a dime from Lamar.

Um, "I wish he never got married to Khloé.
She's controlling.

All those Kardashian women are."

Wow.

[Kourtney] People want to point
the finger,

but we have nothing to do
with anything that's going on.

[Kourtney] If anything,
we've been a support system.

Like, take me through the mud,

but please don't drag
my family through it.

[upbeat music]

-I feel bad that Khloé's having a bad day.
-[Kim] Yeah, she was crying all day.

-And yesterday, she watched old movies.
-Of what? With Lamar in it?

Yeah, and she just said he was so, like,
happy and loving life,

and he was just saying
how much he loved Khloé.

-[Khloé] Say hello.
-[Lamar] Hello.

[Khloé groans]
He's so cute!

Let's go see what Khloé's doing.

-[Kim] Hi.
-[Khloé] Hello.

[Kendall] When was the last time
you talked to Lamar?

[Khloé] Today.

Lamar called and was, like, crying.

[Kendall] Saying what?

He said it's like open season.

He doesn't want everyone to feel
like they could att*ck us now.

He was really sad,
and he kept apologizing about today.

[Khloé] He was, like,
sobbing on the phone.

-He was making me cry.
-[Kim] Mm-hmm.

[Khloé] And he was, like,
"I will k*ll someone for them!

They never wanted anything from me."

Like, he says, like, you know,
he loves us, and he does,

but there's nothing we can do.

[pensive music]

Well, you look gorgeous.
Do you wanna go somewhere?

-[Khloé] Go where?
-I don't know.

I just want to go to the gym,
put some headphones on,

and zone the [bleep] out.

Yeah.

[upbeat music]

[Kris] There's the Golden Gate Bridge!

What's up?
We're on the Golden Gate Bridge.

Kris, say hello…

-Hi. Road trip.
-Here we are. Road trip…

Oh, wait. Don't crash into the wall.

Oh! Road trip. Where are we going?

We're going to Sonoma.

[Kris] Jonathan and I are on our way
to Sonoma. I'm pretty excited.

We're gonna be here for a day
or two and relax and have some fun.

-It's beautiful.
-How gorgeous is this?

I'm so happy we came out here.

And it took 45 minutes
to get here by plane.

The best part about this day is,
Kim thinks we're shopping.

[Jonathan laughs]

-We really pulled a fast one on her.
-We kinda did.

-I'm the fun in that friendship anyway.
-Thank you.

Like, I tell us where to go,
I find the hottest restaurants.

I keep her hot.

You keep her hot.
Maybe you'll keep me hot, too.

I need some help.

[phone rings]

[Kris] Speaking of…

Hi, Kim.

[Kim] Where are you?

Um, I'm just here with Jonathan,

and we're, um, just driving down
Beverly Drive in Beverly Hills.

-To go eat.
-To go eat.

[Kim] Fun! Oh, my God.

You guys should go to Mr. C's.
I'm dying to go there.

Jonathan, when I'm back,
will you come with me?

-Of course.
-Okay, well, have a really good day, Kim.

We love you.

We miss you. I'll see you, probably later,

and if I don't come back tonight,
like, to your house,

I'll see you then tomorrow or something.

[Kim] Okay, don't forget to come by.
I wanna hang out.

Of course.

-Make a right on Rodeo.
-[Kris] Okay.

Hey, Kim, we got to go. Bye.

[Kris laughs]

[upbeat music]

-[Jonathan] So exciting.
-[Kris] Hello, Sonoma!

-Cheers.
-To our new friendship.

-Here's to Sonoma and to us.
-Here's to Kim never talking to me again.

Thank you. I'm really happy we did this.

Me, too. Oh, God, there's another story.

-Which one now?
-This is the eighth one today.

"Khloé, marriage is a workout." What?

I think we should give them
something to talk about.

[both laugh]

[Kris] We're in Sonoma.

It's kind of like a drama-free zone,
which I like.

[electronic music]

[Scott] Oh, sick!

Oh, yeah…

You're gonna have to go
quarter speed for him.

-This is pretty serious stuff.
-[man] Okay. Watch your timing too.

I told Kourtney that I was going
to start doing more activities,

and I was with my therapist,

and we were trying to come up
with what I could do.

And at my age, it's, like,
"What am I really gonna do?"

I'm not gonna start
playing basketball or football.

So, to hold up my end
of the therapy assignment,

I figured I would seek out a dojo
and see if the Lord could do karate.

[Scott] This way, Kourt will be happy
I'm doing some new activities.

So, I feel like it's a win-win situation.

I don't understand.
No one actually hits each other?

They just, like, make pretend?

Well, this is

-probably just the beginning…
-Practice.

…and then they'll get into that.

-[Rob] But, and like I say…
-[Scott] It's a brown belt.

It's too much commitment for me.
I'll do one class, and I'd be done.

[Scott] I'm pretty sure…

I could just make pretend
I knew all this stuff.

It doesn't look that hard.

[Rob] A hundred percent.

I thought karate would be a good activity,

but now that I'm at this dojo,
everybody's taking it

a little bit more serious than I thought,
and it's kind of weirding me out a bit.

So I figure I'll just let Kourtney think
I'm hitting the dojo here or there.

I mean, it's not like she's gonna ask
to fight me to see my moves.

Ew. There's sweat on this chair.

[upbeat music]

-[Roya] You look so cute.
-[Khloé] Oh, my goodness, thank you.

[Joyce] Oh, hello, princess.

So we just wanted
to come and get an update

on everything and how it's going.

I think really well.

I feel like I'm getting
more of the hang of it.

Spending a little bit more time
on the floor too,

-and getting to know everyone here.
-Yeah.

Letting the items sell themselves

-instead of pushing them.
-[Kourtney] Right.

Hello? Are you okay?

Lamar… Lamar…

[Khloé] I'm sorry
you can't be with me right now.

Is everything okay? Why are you calling?

[Lamar] I'm trying to fix what my father
said to the media.

That's what you're trying to do?

[Lamar] Yeah, I'm trying.

If someone says something
about one of my sisters…

Yes, and we appreciate
you standing up for us.

Thank you.

Lamar is so apologetic for,
you know, what his father's done,

and the things that his father's
said about our family.

But we know where our love is
for one another.

We know how much he loves
and respects my family.

[Khloé] I know those weren't his words.

I know that those were his father's words.

-Oh, Kourtney's here.
-Hi, Lamar.

[Lamar] Hi, Kourtney.

Penelope's here, too.

-[Lamar] Yeah?
-Say hi.

[Lamar] Hi.

Hi, P.

Well, we love you and we're here for you.

[Lamar] Yeah.

-Yeah…
-I just want to do

whatever I can, you know?

All right, well I'm gonna go,
'cause Penelope is whining.

[Lamar] Okay, and tell Mason
to give me my money.

-I will.
-[Lamar] I'm out.

-Okay, love you.
-[Lamar] Love you, too.

Okay, well, we'll talk later, okay?

[Lamar] I love Khloé Kardashian-Odom.

I love you, too.

[upbeat music]

Mase, did you see Mom
when she was a little girl?

[Kim] That's Mom
and that's Grandpa Robert.

Do you remember I told you about him?

[Scott] Do you think Bruce is gonna, like,
still be these kids' grandparent?

Why? What happened?

I feel like, he's, like,
lives in Malibu now.

-What do you mean?
-[Scott] I don't know, like,

is he still gonna, like, talk to them?

-Yeah, why would he not?
-[Kim] Talk to who?

It's not like they're getting
a divorce or something.

You're right.

[Kourtney] Did I tell you
Scott is taking karate?

[Kim] Why are you taking karate?

[Scott] I just feel like I need, like,
some activities outside of the house

to relieve some of my stress.

[Kourtney] I'm so excited
that you actually went.

Have you been to one of his classes?

-You should go see.
-No, she doesn't care.

-I would come see one of your classes.
-Yeah, but they're pretty far.

Like, I'm, like, past Van Nuys,
past Burbank, like, it's deep Valley,

but it's good, that's where
the best guys are, you know what I mean?

I mean, if you want me to come,
I would come see it.

[Kim] You should go check it out.

You know, the last thing I wanted
was anybody to get in Kourtney's head

and make her think
she needed to support me

through this karate career
that I'm not really on.

Thanks, Kim, this is gonna be
pretty great for me.

Maybe you'll be his good-luck charm.

[upbeat music]

-Wow, Look at this, Jonathan!
-Hey, Kris.

Wait, we're getting massages
in the same room?

This is really uncomfortable?

This is what you do with somebody
you're kind of intimate with, right?

Well, is she gonna be
in that tub naked or no?

No! Turn around.

[Kris] Jonathan and I
have the best day planned.

We're gonna get massages,
we're gonna go on a biking trip,

we're gonna go wine tasting,
and just really enjoy the town of Sonoma.

[Kris] Now, that feels good.

[Jonathan laughs]

You just…

What the [bleep] are you doing?

You just spit all over my face.

Why are you massaging me?

[Jonathan] I'm sorry.

[both laugh]

-[Kris] Okay.
-Put those lashes down.

Just don't… What are you doing?

-[Jonathan] You're weird.
-If you get a hard-on, I'll k*ll myself.

Jonathan is so crazy…

[Jonathan] I'm sorry,
this is really weird.

…but a little creepy.

[Jonathan] Do not start moaning, please.

[Kris moaning]

-This'll feel really weird.
-[Kris moaning]

[Jonathan] No, God, no.

[upbeat music]

[Jonathan] Here we are.

-[Ben] Hey, guys.
-How are you?

-[Ben] Good. Welcome.
-[Kris] Good to see you.

-[Ben] How are you?
-Thanks for having us.

-This is Jonathan. Jonathan, this is Ben.
-[Jonathan] How are you?

-Nice to meet you.
-Good hair.

Hey, right? I could say the same for you.

I met Ben
on the set of my talk show, Kris,

when he came on
to talk about his winery, Envolve.

It's no secret
that I love a little wine once in a while.

[Kris] This is so cool.

-[Ben] Welcome, by the way.
-Cheers. Thank you.

See, I already feel, like,
the heat going through me.

-You do?
-Yeah, instantly.

-'Cause I don't drink, so…
-I just guzzle wine,

'cause I don't know
how to drink it, apparently.

[Jonathan] We're like the Clampetts here,
in Sonoma.

Gulping wine like beer,
let's go into the square!

Have you started
adding ice cubes to your wine?

-Yes.
-You're not supposed to do that.

That's very trailer park, right?

-It's kind of "out of the box" wine?
-I wouldn't call it trailer park, but…

Well, it's a little low-end.

[Jonathan] Should we take a seat?

-Come on.
-[Kris] Oh, my God. All right, Jonathan.

[Ben] He's the official tasting room
greeter. Here's my favorite trick.

-Rock and roll!
-[dog howls]

[Kris laughs]

-[Jonathan imitates howling]
-[Kris laughing]

[shoes thumping]

-I love you.
-You can take her.

I'm leaving her here in Sonoma.

No, you're not.
You cannot get rid of me that fast.

[electronic music]

[paparazzi] Kim! Give me a photo,
over here!

[Kourtney] Hi, guys.

I have not eaten at a restaurant
in so long.

-It's been a long time coming.
-Are you excited?

[Kim] I'm so excited.

-Hi. How you doing?
-Hey, Scott.

I know I've been ditched by Jonathan
because I'm not social enough, but,

you know, I just want to go
and eat at a restaurant.

I haven't done that in a long time.
So, I'm excited.

[Kim] Oh, my god, that bread.

That bread would do me in
when I was pregnant.

-[Kourtney] What's your diet right now?
-[Scott] By the way, I ordered the wings…

-The wings here are ridiculous.
-I'm into the wings.

[Blac] You are gonna like the wings.

-[Kim] First meal out, excited to eat.
-This is why you can't leave the house.

Yes. Hello?

Hi, Lamar. You okay?

[pensive music]

[Lamar] You will never, ever, ever,
have to worry

about me saying things
that come out of my mouth.

I would never think that you ever
said anything,

and know that no matter what happens…

we, our family,
would never say anything about you.

So just know that.
There's so many stories every day.

We can take it, we're willing to take
some of the blame or the heat for you,

because we're all here to help you.

[Lamar] No, I get it,
I get, I get that part.

So you can always know that,

and be confident knowing
that no matter what happens,

we're always your family
and we're always here to support you.

Okay? I love you.
Call me if you need me. Bye.

When Lamar calls me,
so upset about his dad's interview,

it's heartbreaking, but Khloé and Lamar
need to just get out of,

you know, this funk that they're in,
whether they end up together or not.

[Kim] Lamar just called me.

You know, his dad
made all these statements.

So Lamar wrote this and wants to tweet it.

"I have to get this out.

I have let this man
get away with a lot of [bleep].

He wasn't there to raise me.

He was absent all my life
due to his own demons.

Then came a blessing of a family…"

This is already a cutoff on Twitter.

"Say what you want about me,
but leave the ones who have done nothing

but protect and love me out of this.

That goes to everyone."

[Kourtney] I don't think he needs
to be sending out tweets.

Right. It's nobody's business, man.

Twitter, the public, like,
you know what I mean?

[slow rock music]

[Kim] Lamar just feels so bad.

He's, like,
"The one pride that I have in life

is when I'm with you guys,
when I'm standing next to you guys."

He just feels like we're a sense
of family for him, which it's true.

[Scott] He probably could get it all back.

I think Khloé would be able to forgive him

if he tried to get his life
in order for her.

[upbeat music]

[Rob] Just leave it. We don't need
to put another mirror in there.

-[Scott] You don't lock the door?
-[Rob] No.

It's a rough neighborhood, bro.
It's the Valley.

[Rob] I know, brother.

-I'm locking it. The Lord's here.
-[Rob] All righty. Cool. Thank you.

Space. I haven't seen the whole place yet.

-[Scott] How you doing, man?
-[Rob] Great.

[Scott] Oh, I didn't see the leg tat.
What does it say?

[Rob] "The fear of the Lord
is the beginning of wisdom."

Can I take a picture of just
the "Lord" part with my face?

[Rob] Yeah.

Here, I can do it from…

Oh, you want to just push the button?
Just don't get in my, you know.

I feel, like, just put it down.

Yeah. And I'll just be, like, chilling.

I think we got it. Yeah, I appreciate it.

Yo, so check me out, I got all my Unagi.

[Scott] I got the gloves. This is just for,
like, chopping balsa wood and [bleep].

[Rob] You should do MMA.

[Scott] I'm not trying to k*ll myself.
I have two kids.

Out of all the things
that Kourtney gets her mind wrapped around

is now this karate thing.

I got to cram all this information

and all these moves
into one quick little thing

so she thinks
that I've actually been doing karate.

So, let's Google, like, some moves so I,
like, at least, like, I know what I'm…

-Oh, you want to put on that DVD?
-Yeah. Let's get serious.

[Rob] Let me see.

This gotta [bleep].

I got to get the LD crest on this bad boy.

[Scott] Yeah!

[electronic music]

This is perfect. This is for me.

[Scott screams]

[phone ringing]

[Scott] It's Bufus.

Hey, dawg.

-[Kourtney] Hi.
-Hi.

-[Kourtney] What are you doing?
-Oh, I just got out of karate class.

-You did?
-Yeah, it's great.

-Don't forget we have dinner at seven.
-No problem.

Your ninja will be there at seven sharp!

-Unagi.
-[Kourtney] Okay.

-Love you. Bye.
-[Rob chuckles]

[Kourtney] Love you. Bye.

-[Rob] That was good.
-All right, I got to learn some moves now.

[Scott] [bleep] I got to hold up my end of
the bargain.

[Scott] I think I've probably
disappointed Kourtney

a few too many times in our relationship.

And I'm not looking to disappoint
her again and tell her that…

I've given up already on my new hobby.
I don't know what I'm gonna do now.

I don't think I need to know
every move in the book.

Literally, when you see Kourtney,
just go through all these things with her.

[Scott and Rob yelling]

[upbeat music]

Let's do this!

My life can get so crazy,
I forget to breathe.

[Kris] And this trip has really taught me
that it's good to relax

and it's good to laugh.

We're gonna see the entire town of Sonoma.

It's magical.

-[Kris] Oh, you're amazing.
-[Jonathan] Thank you.

-[Kris] Okay.
-[Jonathan] Come on.

Oh, okay.

Cheers, and welcome to Sonoma.

-Thank you so much.
-Thanks for coming up.

[Ben] You cannot not have fun
in this place.

I mean, look at that valley.

This is why I never like to leave.

[Kris] I don't blame you. I'm in love.

I'd like to take the first helicopter
out of here.

-[Kris] Who brought Jonathan?
-[Ben] Thanks, Kris.

Would you slap me upside the head

the next time
I have one of these bright ideas?

That's messed up.

[Kris] As much as I have fallen in love
with Sonoma

and have had the best time,
I still feel a little guilty,

and I'm afraid it's time
to get back to my family.

[Kris] Bye, Jonathan.

[Jonathan] Don't forget to go fast
down the rolling hill.

[Kris chuckles]

[electronic music]

-Whoa, look at this place, Mase. Hello?
-[Taichiro] Hello?

[Scott] Thanks for seeing me.
How are you?

-I'm good, good.
-Hey. Scott. Nice to meet you.

-I'm Taichiro. Nice to meet you.
-[Scott] This is Mason.

-Hi, Mason.
-[Mason] Hi.

[Taichiro] That's nice. All right.

So basically, I just am trying to move up
in this karate world as quick as possible.

Where are you right now?

Greenish.

Moving to Brown.
I'm not looking to go Black.

And how long have you been training?

I don't know if it's how long
I wanna say, but how hard.

I have to be honest,
I can't really give you anything

that you don't deserve.

All right. So, let me… I should put on a…

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

This sensei at the dojo
doesn't seem too into taking shortcuts.

Obviously, he doesn't know who I am.
I did become royalty overnight.

All right. So, how do we get started here?

Um, do you know how to tie a belt?

[Scott] I'm used to tying Hermes belts.
This one's a little tougher.

Oh, it's a little different.

[Taichiro] This way,
and then go underneath both.

[Scott] Oh, both?

Oh! I'm just getting finished up
with my sensei.

-[Scott] This is my girlfriend Kourtney.
-Hello.

-Are you close to getting the Black belt?
-Not for my Black belt!

Oh, I thought that's what you told me.

How, how… Do you think you just get
a Black belt overnight?

Isn't Brown before Black?

Yes. Right?

-Yes. If you are a Brown belt, yes.
-Oh, is he not a Brown?

-That's what I'm trying to figure out.
-Oh, okay.

Okay, so what do we need to do so
I can show you that I'm at least a Brown?

-[Taichiro] Well, start with kata.
-[Scott] Okay.

I wanna see your moves.

[rock music]

Did you miss something,
did you add something?

Well, I mean, I was just improvising

on what I already knew just to kind of
spice things up a little bit.

Please, no improvisation, no spices.
I give you one more chance.

Okay, so no mixing things, okay.

One, two, three?

-Okay.
-Or was that two?

That was two, yeah. That was actually
worse than the first time.

Do you think you deserve
to wear a brown belt, to be honest?

-I'm not sure I deserve a lot of things…
-[Taichiro] Yes. Uh-huh.

…but they come to me.

And unfortunately,
this is not one of those things.

You have to earn it to wear it.

-What belt is he?
-Well, let's not,

let's not, let's not throw out

-any belt colors right now.
-No, I'd like to know.

Right now you are a white belt, for sure.

-[Kourtney] You had a purple on yesterday.
-[Scott] I moved up quick.

No, you didn't.

Leave it to Scott to not follow through
with his therapy assignment,

and it's just so frustrating.

If he put half as much energy
into doing the karate

as he did into not doing the karate,
he would have at least learned something.

[Kourtney] So, tell…

All right, should we go
take Mason out to dinner,

and we could discuss…

some of my moves that I haven't shown you?

Sure.

[electronic music]

Who are you calling?

I'm trying to get in touch with Lamar.

[Kendall] Why?

'Cause I have to have another face-to-face
with the lawyer tomorrow.

-[Kylie] Does it look blue and, like…
-Oh, my God, Kylie, you're…

you know that your whole scalp is blue,

and your ears are blue
and your neck is blue.

Kylie…
[giggling]

[Kendall] Her ear, her scalp,

-everything's blue.
-Hold on, I'm gonna take a picture.

-Wait. First, help me.
-You want me to wash your hair?

-[Kylie] Yeah.
-[Khloé] She's a Smurf.

-[Kylie gasps]
-What? It's not even hot.

-No, it got in my ear.
-[Khloé] It's okay.

Um, excuse me.
You're, like, licking my nipple.

-[Khloé] What are you doing?
-My neck doesn't bend like that.

[Khloé] Turn your head around.

-Ah! It's hot!
-What?

You did not wash this out.
Look at the blue suds.

[Khloé] Oh, my God. Kylie,
look at the sink.

[Kendall] Make sure
you're getting her scalp, okay?

Okay.

-[Khloé] Here you go. Hello?
-[phone ringing]

[Lamar] Hello.

Kylie and Kendall are here.

-[Lamar] Kylie and Kendall are there?
-[Kylie] Hey, Lamar.

[Kendall] Hi, Lamar.

-[Lamar] Hi, guys.
-[Kylie laughs]

-[Khloé] Are you aware about tomorrow?
-[Lamar] What's tomorrow?

We're having a face-to-face with Bob.

[Lamar] Oh, Bob…

Shapiro, your lawyer?

[Lamar] Let me tell you,
in jail, it was so cold…

You were in jail for 45 minutes,
so, seriously, get over yourself.

Do you know what time
you're meeting Bob tomorrow?

[Lamar] Uh, no.

It's 3:00 p.m. sharp
at my house, our house.

Like, you cannot be late.

I do not want a warrant
out for your arrest.

[Lamar] I'll be there at 12.

[Khloé] No. I don't want you there at 12.

[Lamar] Okay, well, I'll see you
tonight then. I'll bring dinner.

No. I'm, I'm… You can't.

I'm working tonight, Lamar.

[Lamar] I'll bring dinner tonight
with champagne.

All I'm concerned about is tomorrow.

If you don't show up,
he's dropping you as a client.

-[Lamar] This is the story of my life.
-Okay.

[Khloé]
Even though Joe Odom has apologized

for the things that he said
about my family,

Lamar still gets so down on himself.

And I think with all this noise and chaos,

everything is really b*ating him down
and getting to him,

and he really just wants
to run from his problems

instead of facing them head-on.

[Lamar] You guys cheered me up today.
You know I love you guys.

We all love you.

[upbeat music]

[Scott yelling]

You looking at me?

Yeah.

[clears throat]

[Scott] Oh, hi.

[Kourtney] Is this a joke?
With these screams?

You wanna see some moves?

-[Scott shouting]
-[Kourtney chuckles]

Obviously, the karate
didn't work out for me.

[Scott] I figure I got to try
something else that's active.

[Tim] Give me a little cross-over
with the right foot. Bingo.

[Scott] And I do remember doing a lot
of different things as a kid,

and I thought tennis was pretty cool.

And you can, like, throw your racket
when you get mad.

So it seems like something
that's kind of up my alley.

Why didn't you bow to me?

-I would be so good at karate.
-Let me see some [bleep].

[Kourtney] I'll show you.

Call me Sensei Lord.

[Scott shouts]

Unagi.

-You're actually pretty good.
-No, I'm loose. My sensei…

[Scott screams]

-I got you twice.
-[Scott pants]

-Ow!
-[Mason laughs]

That's not gonna break
as easy as I thought.

[upbeat music]

[Kris] Oh, see, now this is what
I'm talking about, Jonathan.

This is how we do it.

-[Kris] These are all clean?
-[Jaclyn] Yeah.

Oh, God, Jaclyn, you're good.
The raisins go there.

And then, if it looks like too many people
put their hands in there,

we have to start all over.

You are really turning
into Mommie Dearest.

I had to, once, put these away
because Kanye was, like…

-[Jaclyn] The peanuts.
-…addicted,

and he didn't want to eat them anymore,

-so I had to hide them from himself.
-These are the…

I think the cashews are the best.

-Okay, well, don't…
-[Kim] When did you guys get back?

-[Jonathan] Hi.
-Last night.

[Kris] You didn't hear us come in
last night?

I just don't understand why you guys
would lie to me about where you were.

[upbeat music]

-[Kim] When did you guys get back?
-[Jonathan] Hi.

Uh, last night.

[Kris] You didn't hear us come in
last night?

I just don't understand why you guys
would lie to me about where you were.

We weren't really lying.
We just kept going.

No, you said, you were, like, at Barney's.
Then you said you were in Malibu.

Then you're Instagramming photos
in Sonoma…

My mom and Jonathan
have been completely MIA.

They're saying they're one place,
posting photos from Sonoma.

I just don't understand why they're all
tryna to hide this from me.

I'll admit I got a little carried away,
'cause I think,

when you said that I wouldn't be fun
to hang out with…

[Kris] I'm actually a lot of fun.

-Malibu.
-Yeah, and then we felt bad.

We didn't want you…

We felt like, maybe,
you would get jealous.

I'm not mad about that.
It's just, don't lie.

Like, I don't have time for it, you know?

-[Jonathan] It was stupid.
-[Kris] And we got a little carried away,

and I'm sorry.

-All forgiven.
-Can we have a big, group hug?

-Group hug!
-No. I got to run.

-[Jonathan] Where are you going?
-[Kris] What?

-Where are you going?
-[Kris] What? Get out of my bar!

-Oh, my God, there's fingerprints!
-[Jonathan grunts]

[Jonathan] What are you gonna do now?

[rock music]

You look really sweet today.

I don't like being sweet.

Got it.

So, what's new with you?
How was Sonoma… Where did you go?

Actually, Sonoma was kind of cool.

I forgot how pretty San Francisco is,
and the Golden Gate Bridge…

[Khloé] Do I really have to hear this
whole story?

You wouldn't go up to Sonoma
and get away from all of this?

-Do you know how stupid that is right now?
-It's not stupid. It's…

-It would be cleansing, good for the soul.
-No.

Lamar came over last night…
at one in the morning.

He goes, "Where are you?"

I was, like, "I'm at home.
Please don't come here."

He's, like, "I just miss you.
I haven't seen you in, like, two months."

"Like, I miss you, too,
but, like, I can't see you."

Of course, he comes to the house.
I let him in.

He's, like, "Can I sleep here tonight?"
I'm, like, "No."

It's just so sad. Like, I'm not laughing.
I'm just, like, "Oh, my god."

-It was just crazy.
-Khloé…

-He looked good.
-Really?

Mm-hm. It's just so confusing.

No one knows what I'm going through,
or what I'm feeling every day.

I mean, I don't even know
what I'm feeling every day.

I wake up, and sometimes
I'm really in a great mood,

and sometimes I'm really angry
and confused and irritated at life.

[Khloé] And I just have to take it
day by day,

and live my life the best that
I know how and do what I feel is best.

-Are you eating these fries?
-No.

I just keep eating them.
It's not normal. I'm not even hungry.

-That's one way to k*ll an appetite.
-But I'm still want to have them.

-Would you get mad if I still ate them?
-[Khloé laughs]

It would be a little creepy
and weird, yeah.

[both laugh]

[upbeat music]

[Kourtney] Next on
Keeping Up With the Kardashians…

I've been rehearsing for this role.

I am a show queen!

Scandal in Las Vegas.

[Scott] Scott Disick in the house!

Wait. I don't understand it.
You're allowed to be topless here?

[Kourtney] What did we get ourselves into?

What the [bleep] are you doing [bleep]?

I'm home!

Rob's house is where it's at,
and it'll be like old times.

-You think cheese really goes right there?
-Why are you getting so mad over cheese?

What the [bleep] did you bring me
back here for?

Are you kicking me out?