09x12 - Playing Dirty

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Keeping Up With the Kardashians". Aired: October 14, 2007 - 2021.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise


Reality series of the Kardashian family featuring Kim, Kourtney, Khloe and the rest of the Kardashian/Jenner clan personal and professional lives.
Post Reply

09x12 - Playing Dirty

Post by bunniefuu »

[upbeat music]

-[Mason] Grandma! Grandma.
-[man] Hey.

[Khloe] I hear my son down there.

-[Kris] Your son?
-Mm-hm.

Are you talking about Robert?

-[Khloe] My son.
-Mason.

-[Khloe] My son is here.
-Come here.

Come over here.

Oh, Ma…

-Oh, thanks.
-[Kendall] Not so cool, Grandma.

-Lay like this, like a baby.
-[Kris] Guys…

I don't actually be like a baby.

Dad always calls me like a baby.

-You're not a baby.
-You're not a baby. You're a big boy.

Don't let anyone tell you you're a baby.

You're my baby. Remember?
You're my son, I told you that.

You know what KoKo tell me one time?

-"I'm your other mom."
-She did?

She told us that
when we were growing up, too.

KoKo, one day I'll come tell you
how to play sword fight.

If you come and sword fight with me,
I'm going to b*at you so good!

I'm gonna kick your butt.

-Okay, let's go. Let's try it.
-[Kendall] What?

-[Mason] Okay.
-What?

-[Mason giggles]
-[Khloe growls]

[giggling continues]

[laughs]

[Mason] Yeah. Hi-yah!

-Okay, time.
-[Mason] Hi-yah!

Wait, I'm naked under there.

Do you want the whole world
to see my goods?

-[Mason] Yeah.
-[Khloe] Guess what.

-What?
-You're going in the fireplace.

[Mason giggles]
I can't.

Hey, KoKo, can I just stop?

"Can I just stop?"

[Kris laughs]

[upbeat music]

-What's up, Bruiser?
-Oh, you've got snakes?

-I got them at the dentist.
-Oh, my god, they're scary.

-You got them at the dentist.
-[Mason] Dad, look.

That's silly. Why? Was it thirsty?

[Scott] How was the weekend?

[Bruce]
Uh, the weekend was actually very good.

Yeah. Little paddleboarding, little golf.

-Life's good.
-You're really utilizing Malibu.

-I'm trying to.
-[Scott] I like it.

[Bruce] All I want to do
is get a little helicopter time in.

I want to go over there one day and watch.

Why? Fly it.

You can't be a spectator in life.

You have to be a participant.

But I also enjoy watching.

-You can watch and participate.
-'Cause I feel like I learn from watching.

You can also learn more from doing.

-So let's do it.
-That's what I like to hear.

-Want a carrot stick, Mase?
-[Mason] Okay.

Celery stick?

Oh, celery bite.

So how have you been doing,
considering the loss of your parents?

[dramatic music]

You know, it's baffling
that this is the life that we live

-and it happens to everybody, you know?
-I know.

[Scott] And I don't think anything
would get anybody prepared.

It's devastating
'cause that part of your life is over.

Oh, it's the worst. Yeah.

It's just hard when you pick up the phone

and you go to make a phone call. and…

-you just can't, you know?
-Yeah.

Family-wise,
you're kind of stuck with us, huh?

Yeah. It's terrible.

[Bruce]
Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Oh, big time.

-[Scott] It's a lot to handle sometimes.
-Absolutely.

When you lose a parent, it's really tough.

And I can't even imagine
losing both parents

within a such a short amount of time.

But it's been good
to have the support, too.

-[Bruce] Yeah.
-So…

Thank god for everybody.

But my… you know,
the kids are the most important.

Hey, Bruce.

We got our eye on you.
Yeah, we're watching.

Want me to cut you a piece, Mase?

Yes. Cut all of it.

[Scott] Bite.

Seeing Scott cut Mason's food for him
does my heart good.

-[Scott] He's my boy.
-You've come a long way.

-[Scott] I love this guy.
-[babbles]

He's my best friend.

Yeah.

[upbeat music]

North was hysterically laughing today.

Like, all… for so long, like an hour.

[Kim]
We were just laying down on this mat.

And I'm, like, she has got to learn
how to…

-To crawl?
-…to crawl.

She just likes it
when there's, like, a hard surface

and then a mat.

The rug, she, like, gets too sidetracked,

'cause it's, like, fluffy,

-so she still gets it in her mouth…
-Right.

…and she'll just go like this…

-like different time, you know?
-[laughs]

Like, trying to get it out.
[chuckles]

Kim and I have decided

to do a mud run obstacle course.

[Khloe] It's supposed to be, like, a fun
and, like, healthy workout weekend thing.

[Khloe] Yeah. We're here.

So Kim set up this hike today
to prep ourselves.

[Rob] It's a beautiful day. Let's do this.

-[Kim] Rob, blaze a trail.
-Just go through here.

All right. Come on, guys.

-This girl thinks she is on fuego.
-[Kim] Guys, pick up the pace.

We're on a leisurely stroll.

Guys, come on.
Can you not keep up with me?

Oh, I could keep up with you.

[Rob] You guys, this is the dumbest
workout circuit I've ever seen.

-What are you doing?
-You're going to run into our asses.

[Rob laughs]

-[Kim] What are you doing?
-He was thrusting us from behind.

[Kim]
Everyone do a squat in between the stairs.

[Khloe]
You think you're hot[bleep], don't you?

It seems like Kim set up this hike
to kind of showcase her energy,

'cause she is moving and grooving.

All Kim does is talk about fitness
and what she's eating.

I just feel like everything
kind of is a competition.

-[Khloe] So, Kim.
-[Kim] Yeah?

[Khloe]
I'm dying to hear about your psychic.

The psychic told me…

-[Rob] Oh, yeah.
-…"you cry yourself to sleep at night."

Which is what she probably says already.

-She could Google that.
-[Kim] No, it was really good.

She said, work-wise,
what's happening for me,

and I'm going to get pregnant really soon.

Am I going to have any kids?

She said you should get a sperm donor
and the guy will come later.

-That's what she said?
-[Kim] I was like, absolutely not.

She said you like North the best.

-Of course.
-[Kim] She said you should get a puppy.

And you're not bipolar. I asked her.

[laughs]

[Khloe] At least you're not bipolar.

Do you find this as annoying…

-She ruined it.
-…or comic?

-[gadget shushing]
-[Kim] This is called the Baby Shusher.

-I want to get that for Kourt.
-You can't say "shh" yourself?

[Scott] Well, not that long.

-[Kourtney] I do it every night.
-[Scott] Oh, I'm sure.

-No, you have to be calming.
-Well, it's more like…

[shushing angrilly]

[Kim laughs]

[phone ringing]

Has anybody seen the movie
Wolf of Wall Street?

-Yes.
-[Khloe] Not I, said the cat.

First of all, I have a white Lambo,
so that was exciting for me.

But now I need to get a chopper
in the backyard,

just like they had.

[Kourtney] It's so dangerous.

-He almost crashes it…
-[Scott] Hey! Hey! Hey!

-…into the pool.
-But they land. He was drunk.

You probably would like

that I want to get a helicopter
in the backyard, don't you?

-Absolutely.
-[Scott] How sick would it be?

-And we could put a copter pad…
-[Kim] I'll put one in the back of mine.

…and we could fly over.

I'm into anything luxurious, obviously,

and I'm realizing,
I think I got enough room for a helipad.

I mean, who needs all the traffic?
I don't need it.

I'd rather just fly away
like a little bird.

That's what I need.

Are you going to fly it,

-or are you going to hire somebody?
-[Scott] I have you.

Bruce, did you not remember
that you're a pilot?

-You want me to fly for you?
-[Scott] Yeah.

'Cause for you, it's a hobby,
for me, it's a luxury.

[Scott] So it works out perfect.

-You got yourself a pilot.
-That's what I'm talking about, Bruce.

I'm going to take my chopper
everywhere I want to go.

-[Kourtney] Don't get carried away.
-Right.

Rob, do you want to come over?

Great.

[Khloe] That is, like, really [bleep] up.

[Scott]
When you know he's going home with Khloé.

Yeah, he's going home with me,
he's not going home with you.

[Kourtney]
Khloé wants to hang out with you.

-You've been a bad girl.
-Stop.

-Yeah.
-Ouch! Khloé, that hurts.

Oh, yeah. Khloé…

You're such a… oh, wait.

Oh, that's my penis.

Oh, Grandma.
[laughing]

[Scott] Oh, Chicago.

-[Khloe] Ouch!
-Oh, god.

[Scott] This is like jail cell [bleep].

-[groans]
-Not cool.

[Rob] She's just… Khloé, it's over.

[Scott]
It's not over until the fat lady sings.

Khloé, start singing.

-[laughing]
-Oh! Burn!

[Kourtney squeals]

Do you like my jumpsuit?

Yeah, it's cute.

[Kourtney] Where are we going?

[Kris]
I think I want to go look at some luggage.

[Kourtney] Okay.

Um, so Scott will not stop talking to me

about wanting to put
a helicopter pad in the backyard.

And I just feel like it's so dangerous.

-[Kris] Kourtney, I thought it was a joke.
-[Kourtney] Why?

You have to go by aviation rules.
You have to get permits.

My neighbor told me that her husband
wanted to get one.

But it's your house.

-It's not an airport.
-I don't want him to get it.

-I'm saying…
-You're not going to have,

in the middle of the night…
[imitates helicopter whirring]

[Kris] It would wake up all the neighbors
and your children and half of Calabasas.

-I just think he's got…
-But I also don't want to tell him no

to everything, like you did with Bruce.

You took away his plane,

you took away his house in Tahoe…

The airplane was because
we couldn't afford an airplane anymore.

[Kris] When Bruce and I started dating,
Bruce had a lot of toys.

He had jet skis and motorboats
and snowmobiles

and a house on Lake Tahoe.

But the truth is we owed hundreds
of thousands of dollars in taxes.

We didn't have any money.

We had four kids to take care of
and another one on the way.

The fact that I was the one
who went and cleaned up the mess,

I should've gotten a medal for that.

I had to be the practical one

and get rid of some
of these crazy expenses.

[Kris] You're talking about a helicopter.

It costs so much money in maintenance
and hangar fees,

and what about your future?

You just bought a crazy
13,000-square-foot home.

I think in any relationship, one person

is sort of the voice of reason.

And I think that means
spending money on things

that are beneficial to the whole family.

So Kourtney really needs to take care
of this helicopter pad situation.

You have two kids to send to college.

I think it's irresponsible
and financially, not smart.

[Bruce] Showtime, baby.

[Scott] Bruiser.

What have you got?

-Oh, the simulator?
-Simulator.

Yeah, you can't do this
without a simulator.

You wind up crashing all the time,
this and that.

But you start to get an idea
of what it's supposed to do.

I'd like to get one of these
all diamonded out.

[whirring]

[Bruce] Get the tail facing.
No, the other way.

Perfect.

What are you guys doing on that?

[Scott] We're getting our heli on here.

[Bruce] That's it, that's it. Good, good.

As fun as these radio controlled
helicopters are with Bruce,

I'm not trying to get sucked
into his weird fetish.

Whoa. Got a little excited there.

I'm trying to get a real deal,
big boy chopper that you can get in.

And I want it in my backyard.

-Good start?
-No. I think we're getting there.

[Kourtney] Bye, Bruce.

[Bruce] Bye. See you later.

[Kourtney] Should we go outside?

-[Scott] Why not?
-[Kourtney] Okay.

So, we're going to take this hedge out.

Yeah, please. It's disgusting.

Just look at these decrepit little edges.

-Stop.
-No, be careful.

-No, seriously, I…
-But I want you to live on the edge.

-No. Scott, I just told you.
-Just show… Oh, my god.

[screams]
Ouch!

What the [bleep]?

[Scott] This is… this hurts.

-[Kourtney] It should.
-I'm going to need two Band-Aids.

-Good.
-You should take care of me now.

-No.
-All right.

So, I was thinking
that I would let you decide

if you want to put your helicopter pad
out here or not.

[quirky music]

Are you sure this isn't reverse psychology
you're trying to pull on me?

'Cause you've done it before.

Whatever.

I'm just saying you could do it
if you want to.

I feel like you're trying to reverse,
so now I'm not going to do it.

It's in your hands.

-Is it?
-If you think it's a good idea

to put a chopper pad
in your backyard, go for it.

[Kourtney] Obviously, I would care
if we had a helipad in our backyard,

but Scott has been really depressed.

I don't want to, like, k*ll his joy,

and I don't want to be the boss
telling him exactly what to do.

[exhales]
I appreciate you coming to your senses.

Okay.

Well, if you're saying yes to that,

I mean, there's some other things
I'd like to get going, too.

-Mm-mm.
-I'll take the chopper pad.

[upbeat music]

[Khloe]
Have you ever done this type of workout?

I have no idea what it is.

There's like these…

-Wraps?
-…wraps

that are hanging from the ceiling,
and you're doing, like, aerial trips.

I did it for this photo sh**t
I did for Lam.

I just thought it was so fun.

I don't know. Do something new.

[Khloe] Kourt and I are about to take
this aerial yoga lesson,

and I heard it is amazing
for strength training.

When I work out,
I'm, like, hard-core and full throttle.

And I need anything that will give me
an extra edge over Kim in this mud run.

You know Kim and I are doing that mud run?

What is a mud run?

It's like obstacle courses

and you have to run
certain amounts of time

and, like, it's in the mud.
It's like you get down and dirty,

but Kim is getting so competitive
about it.

Shocker.

[Khloe] Kim is being incredibly
competitive, which is annoying me.

She's just like, "Did you work out today?
What did you do?"

Like, she's egging me on,
and she's just, like,

taking this to a whole other level.

I mean, I think Kim should know better
than to mess with me.

Now I totally have to kick her ass.

I would love to see
how you get down and dirty.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

Yeah, man.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

[both laughing]

-Aerial classroom.
-Whoo!

[Khloe laughs]

[Kourtney] Ready to rock and roll.

-[Khloe] Hi.
-[Jessica] Hi.

-I'm Khloé.
-I'm Jessica.

-Nice to meet you.
-Hi.

Hi. Kourtney.

We're going to start learning
how to climb.

First, pick a leg,
wrap it around the fabric.

[Jessica] My other foot is going to
step up, pinching that fabric.

From here, I'm going to reach up.

I'm going to try and lift my knees up,

knees, step on my feet,

and stand up. Okay?

What if we have no upper body strength?

[Jessica] I'm going to spot you.
I'm going to help you the first time.

Then we're going to try
and add some tricks to it.

[Kourtney] You want to do it first?

I can't do a somersault.
I think I'm going to break my neck.

And try to find your balance
if you're comfortable.

You don't have to take your hands off,
though.

[laughing]

[Jessica] Okay?

[clapping]

-[Khloe] Okay, so…
-Wrap your leg around,

lift that knee up.

Step and stand. Good.
Keep this foot flexed.

You could do it.
You got to get ready to b*at Kim.

Push. Yeah, push a little more
so it's not on your knee.

-Roll through. Can you find your balance?
-No.

You could do it.

[Jessica] Good. Can you take one hand off?

-Can you take…
-My [bleep].

[Jessica] Yeah. You want to get it,
like, right between your boobs.

-There you go.
-Lady, I can't do two.

[Jessica] That's okay. See, you did it.

You didn't think you could

-and you got it all the way through.
-[Khloe] And I did it.

-Sticky hand five.
-[chuckles]

[Khloe] Reach over your head
and split the two pieces.

[Khloe] Kourtney…

Yeah!
[clapping]

Watch again, guys.

[Khloe and Jessica giggles]

-Okay.
-So we're just going to do a little spin.

[Jessica] That's it. Good.

-[squeals]
-[Jessica] Plant your feet down.

Make sure you're not too dizzy
before you walk away.

[Khloe and Kourtney giggle]

[Jessica] I'm going to do a trick
that's called "Man in the Moon."

-[Khloe] Oh, my god.
-[Jessica] Okay.

There's no way we're doing that.

Climb. Yes, yes.

-Hook your legs.
-Good job, Kourt.

[Jessica] You need to hook those knees.
That's it.

[Khloe] Your butt looks so good.

[Jessica] That's it.

-Kourtney…
-Oh, my god.

…you are [bleep] with me.

[Khloe] You are so good at this.

-It's so scary.
-[Jessica] Good.

-This is my calling.
-[Jessica] Seriously.

I'm going to have you
actually give me one leg,

and you can push off me
to get your other one up.

-[Khloe] Oh, god.
-[Jessica] Keep going. Good.

[bleep] a duck.

-A duck.
-There you go.

-You got it.
-[laughs]

You did it.

You've got something on Kim.

[Kourtney] She doesn't have
any of this talent for the mud run.

-This isn't going to help for the mud run.
-[Kourtney] Why?

I thought you said
it's an obstacle course.

[Khloe] Oh, Jesus.

[Scott] Hi.

-Hi.
-Hi. Scott.

I'm Ricarda Bennett.

-Hey. Nice to meet you.
-Heliport Consultants.

Perfect. Come on down.

-Let's get consulting.
-Okay.

Did you find it okay?

-I… Perfect, not…
-You didn't get lost

-between all the mansions?
-No.

[Scott] We just moved up here,
so we don't have any furniture.

[Ricarda] That's… I understand.

And I just figure, you know,

living out here in the valley
opposed to the city,

it may be better for me to have a chopper

to get to, you know, Vegas, Santa Barbara,
Orange County, the airport.

Nowhere far, obviously.
I'm not trying to get…

-Are you a pilot?
-[Scott] No, no, no, no.

I can barely drive a car.

I would have a pilot.

-[Scott] Yeah.
-Okay. That's a good idea, then.

-Yeah. We can look at the back.
-Okay.

You know, it's not every day

that Kourtney takes the backseat

into some of the crazier ideas
that I have.

-I have some good stuff to show you.
-Great.

I know I have a small window here,

so I got to get this chopper pad
moving along.

Have you done a lot of home helipads?

-Actually some, but not a lot.
-Okay.

-Mostly hospitals, corporations.
-Right.

So, first of all, I want to explain
a little bit about the flight path.

They fly very much like planes.

So, in other words,
when you're looking at the property,

-it's how to get out.
-Right.

Okay, this is the helipad
and over here is the transitional slope.

I don't think
you're going to make it out then

-in the middle of here.
-Exactly.

I think we're going to have to go
more along the lines of here

to get a straight path out.

-Possibly. We…
-I'm fine with that.

I would look out my kitchen window
to a chopper.

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

-Well, let's discuss this.
-Yeah.

-A good client is an educated client.
-Educate me.

Okay. So we have to have… This means…
this is all obstruction-free.

-'Cause that means…
-I'll knock some trees out if I have to.

-…no trees, yeah.
-[Scott] I don't give a [bleep].

-[Ricarda] Okay, so this gives…
-That tree may have to go out, right?

I think so.

-Yeah, and the… also…
-Bruiser.

-I was summoned over here for what reason?
-Here's the man.

He is going to be my pilot.

-Hi. Ricarda.
-Hi. Bruce. How are you doing?

-Thank you, fine.
-So she does helipads.

Oh, yeah, helipads and stuff?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

[Bruce] I just can't believe Kourtney's
gonna let you do this.

[laughing]

This is amazing.

I mean, I could never get Kris on board
with something like this,

especially putting this big helicopter
in the backyard.

It would… never would've worked.

I'm kind of shocked.

-I think this is the best site.
-[Bruce] Yeah.

Well, what's most important
to find out first?

FAA? Or should I call my homeowners'

before I start plowing my lawn?

I think the most important is dealing

-with the homeowners' association.
-[Scott] Okay.

Hey. If you get approvals there,
then you can go to the FAA

and say, we got this approval,
we got that approval,

the house is on a point.

And you want to be prepared to tell them
why we want to do it,

-and that's…
-I think if they ask me why,

I'd say, "'Cause I can."
[laughs]

-[Scott] Is that going to work?
-That doesn't work.

That doesn't work.

Oh, you got to really grease
these people up.

Well, not exactly.

I'll walk in there with a bottle of KY,
start squirting it everywhere.

No, no.

-We have to have a different approach.
-All right.

[Scott]
I want to get this pad more than anybody.

If I need to… What is this?
My chopper's landing.

-[plane whirring]
-Nope. Calm down.

[Scott] I got to get one of these.

[Kim] Say "KoKo."

[Penelope] KoKo.

-[Khloe] Yay!
-[clapping]

P, say "got to go."

-[Kim] Got to go.
-Mase, those are good.

-[Khloe] Those are good.
-[Kim] Look at P.

Look at P in her boots.

-[Kim] Yay.
-[Khloe] Those are good boots.

You like it?

-Now put on this.
-You know Kanye got me those?

[Mason] KoKo, putting on the shoes.

-Mase…
-[Kim] Say KoKo.

[giggles]

[Khloe] Can you walk in those?

Mase, you're going to fall.

[Mason] Look, KiKi.

[Khloe giggles]

[Khloe] Good job, Mase.
You can walk in high heels, honey.

-Show your mom.
-[Kourtney] Mase…

[Khloe] Kourt, look.

Do you think this is what I should wear
to the mud run?

[Khloe] Are you kidding?

-[Kim] Why would I be kidding?
-[Khloe] You can't wear that.

Your boobs are out.

Maybe that's your plan,
is to, like, distract everyone?

[Khloe] I have a question.
Have you been training for this thing?

[Kim] I work out regularly.

I, you know, go on runs.

Kim just thinks
she's such a hottie McFottie.

I've been mixing up my workouts,

really trying to get prepared
for this mud run.

But I just want to prove
that I can do this.

I can b*at her.

There's no competition.

Hey, I'm good at an obstacle course.
Are you?

I am very confident
in my intense workout skills,

so I'm definitely going to b*at her

and I'm going to shove her face
in the mud.

[John] Good morning, sir. How are you?

-I'm good, how are you doing? Bruce.
-John. We've met before.

-Where?
-At Van Nuys Airport.

-Yeah, probably.
-Yes, sir.

[John]
I was fortunate enough to teach Brandon.

Oh, did you work up with Brandon? Yes.

-Yeah.
-Oh, okay, yeah.

[Bruce] You're the British guy with the…

yeah, you've been doing this forever,
he told me.

This is like the same size
as your radio-controlled.

-How are you, sir?
-How you doing?

-This is Scott.
-Good to meet you.

I'm trying to buy a helicopter
for my backyard.

-Ah, lovely.
-[Scott] This thing is awesome.

-That must be a little nerve-wracking.
-Why?

-[Scott] It's like it's…
-It's got a seat belt.

-You're not going to fall out.
-[John] Yeah, it's a motorbike.

Holy[bleep].

[imitates quacking]

Forget about Lord of the Rings.
This is like Lord of the Air.

[Scott]
Makes me think I want to hire more staff.

I want a whole fleet
of LD-uniformed humans.

This just makes sense.

[Scott] That's a… that's a cutie.

But I need something a little bigger,
I think.

Hey, Scott. This is the 44.

They sell more than any other helicopter
in the world.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Is this good for a backyard?

Well, I've got several people
that land in Malibu.

-At their house?
-[John] Yeah.

Oh, that's awesome.
What are we looking at for this?

This one, if you get a new one,
it's 650, 700, yeah.

The real question
is how long it would take

from my backyard to Vegas?

Where is your backyard?

-[Scott] Calabasas.
-Okay.

-Oh, hour and a half.
-Hour and a half.

-That's not terrible.
-Yeah.

Could you fly this, Bruce?

Well, yeah, I'd have to get…

get my checkride done in it, yeah.

-[Scott] I mean, chopper.
-[Bruce] No, I agree.

It's a lot of money to fork out
but in the long run, it pays off.

-I mean, it's a good balance.
-Yeah.

Well, I totally agree, especially for me.

[Scott laughs]

No, honestly, Scott, I'm proud of you
for kind of pursuing this.

[Bruce] I love that Kourtney
is going along with this.

You're doing a good job.

You know, Scott
and his whole family situation,

he's been pretty down lately.

And it's good to see him
get excited about something.

Going over and looking at helicopters?

Man, a guy who loves toys? Me and him?

There's nothing better.

How about we have a demo fly
and see if you like it?

-Okay.
-Yeah?

-Yeah, let's go.
-I'm the one that'll do it.

And by the way, you know, in London,
they call me Lord Disick.

Lord of the manor.

LD Air is what we're going to go or here.

[laughs]

[Khloe sighs]
Today is the day of the mud run.

It's so nervous, 'cause I've never done
something like this before,

but I'm excited Kim and I
get to do this together

and I'm even more excited

that I get to prove to Kim,
once and for all,

that she's not the only fit one
in the family anymore.

We're here.

[Khloe] I am so competitive with you
that you have me doing this [bleep].

-It is freezing…
-[grunts]

-Chest bump.
-Khloé, don't.

-[grunts]
-Don't.

-Your chest is made of steel.
-You've got bigger [bleep] than me.

Here.
[grunts]

[chuckling]

Oh, my back really hurts.

[Kim] I am so prepared for this.

I'm so excited.

You guys, I'm dizzy.
That was a lot for me.

I really do think that I have a chance
to b*at Khloé on this.

-I'm going to write KiKi, you write KoKo.
-Oh, my god, I'm going to write KoKo.

I mean, once you become a mom,

you're just stronger at everything.

My weight today, 125. 125.

Pre-baby, I was 130.

[Kim] My strategy was just going to be
to get on your back.

[laughs]

[Khloe] What am I, a mule?

I'm not, like, a horse.

[burps]

[Khloe] Oh, my god, you burped
in your own face 'cause of that thing.

[woman] Okay, girls, you ready?

-[Khloe] Born ready.
-Stand in line this way.

-[Khloe] Born ready.
-Khloé, stop. We're not doing that.

[Kim] I mean, the race hasn't even
started yet and Kim is already crying.

[mocking]

[man] All right, I need you all
to count down with me. You ready?

We'll just go by five, all right?
We're going to start by five.

Here we go, as loud as you can, all right?

-Five, four, three, two, one!
-[people] Five, four, three, two, one!

-Oh, yeah, go, let's go…
-[cheering]

[upbeat music]

Jump.
[grunts]

Let's see who can stay the cleanest.

[Kim] [bleep] anyone else want to walk?

[Khloe] I mean, I've seen Kim work out.
I've worked out with Kim.

Kim works out in a mild form,
compared to me.

Catch my breath a little.

[Khloe] I work out with a vengeance,
I have a purpose in there,

and I love to sweat.

So going into this mud run,

I knew that Kim is going to be,
like, very lax about it.

Yeah.

Khloe.

[Khloe cheers]

[Kim] Need a break.

Holy [bleep] balls.

I'll crawl down.

[Khloe] And a mile in, I was right.

She's already whining
and wanting to cut through the course.

[Khloe] Oh, my god, you are…

Kind of tired.

[Khloe shrieks]
My shoe came off!

Khloé lost her shoe in the mud
and I hope this works to my advantage,

because I need all the help I can get.

[Khloe shrieks]
My shoe came off!

[Kim] Khloé lost her shoe in the mud
and I hope this works to my advantage

because I need all the help I can get.

[Khloe] But what do I do…

[grunts]

[both giggling]

I've actually been waiting for her
just to touch me in an inappropriate way,

so I could go ham on this girl.

[giggling continues]

[indistinct muttering]

[both giggling]

[shrieks]

-Khloé.
-Man up a little bit, okay?

[grunts]

[squeals]

That's pretty funny.

[both giggling]

Say "truce."

Who's the best competitor in the world?

-Yeah!
-Get off me…

-Is it okay?
-…you beast.

Let's see this body builder.

[Khloe] She called me a beast.

[Kim]
I have realized I just cannot b*at Khloé.

Like, there's just nothing that I can do.

[Khloe] Oh, my god.

[Kim] I'm going to get a serious
yeast infection sitting in this wetness.

[Khloe] Your ass looks good in mud though.

[both laughing]

At this point,
I just want to get through this race

without Khloé body-slamming me

one more time.

-Yeah, keep going!
-[Kim] Yeah.

[Khloe] We're doing our mud run there.
Yeah.

-I don't trust you.
-[Khloe] I'm not going to push you.

I mean, we've already started the race,
now we're both filthy and cold.

There's nothing else we could do
but, you know, laugh at ourselves

and enjoy the race and have fun doing it.

Oh, my god.

[Khloe shrieks]
Yes, yeah.

Let's go, Kim.

-Good job, KiKi.
-[Kim] Thank you.

The amount of dirt that's in my vag*na,
I'm so disgusted.

[Khloe] What?
We have to go in that pool thing?

I really can't believe
we got ourselves into this.

-This is, like, ridiculous.
-[Kim] Where the [bleep] are we?

Our competitive streak,
like, went too far. Seriously.

You know, Kim and I
are so competitive with one another,

but we don't do a lot
of down and dirty stuff together.

[Khloe] We're in it together, kid.

-[Kim] Keeks and Kokes.
-[giggles]

So, I'm loving
just spending the day with Keeks

and having some sister-sister time.

Whoo!

[squeals]

[both giggling]

[Khloe] How did we stop?

I don't understand.

[Kim] I don't know.

-We did it.
-We did it.

[Khloe] That scraped my butt.

[upbeat music]

[Kris] I won't. I won't.

Me, too. Thank you.

Okay, bye.

Anesthesiologist.

[Bruce] For what?

For my, um… I'm getting my teeth fixed.

Your seat?

[Kris] No, "my teeth."
I should get my seat fixed.

[Scott] Bruiser!

Just the man I was looking for.

Excuse me, don't talk to my pilot
like that.

LD Air.

-What?
-Got you the new pilot outfit, Bruiser,

for when we get the chopper up and running
in the backyard, helipad.

-Lord Disick Air?
-[Scott] That's right.

[Kris] Wait. Did you get a helicopter?

We're working on the chopper,

but I figure if my pilot has his uniform,
the chopper's got to come next.

I can't believe that Kourtney
hasn't confronted Scott

and talked some sense into him yet.

You can't just fly him around
in a helicopter

that you guys are going to crash.

[Kris] I think when it comes to boys
and their toys,

the boys aren't always the most practical.

And sometimes, guys don't realize
how everything adds up.

Just a few things can be more
than a mortgage every month.

I've gotten, like, 6,000 hours

-of flying time over my life.
-In an airplane,

-not in a helicopter.
-Not a lot in helicopters,

but I'll go back and get…
All I got to do is the type rating.

It's, like, 15 hours of flying
and then you can get your rating.

-You're going to get free rides, too.
-[Bruce] Yeah.

I feel… I don't want a free ride.

Hold it, when we first got married
and I had the airplane,

you were, like, all over it.

You loved it. You were flying everywhere.

We were even doing stuff in the back.

He had sex with me in the back of a plane
and nobody was flying it.

-Autopilot?
-Yeah.

-Nice, Bruiser.
-[Bruce] Oh, yeah.

-That's not good judgment.
-[Bruce] That's the real mile high club.

This is getting
a little too intense, guys.

[Bruce] You trusted me then.
Why wouldn't you trust me?

Are you saying I'm getting old
and I can't handle it?

Well, instincts aren't the same.

-Your reflexes might not…
-Everything's…

-Watch me. See that?
-[Bruce] Quick as hell.

See? I just go boom! He looks over.

The guy has that look.
Boom! He looked again.

[Kris] This is a dangerous job.

-It's a dangerous job.
-[Scott] By the way,

there was a more dangerous job
that he took on a long time ago,

-and that was marrying…
-[Bruce] That was marrying her.

Exactly. Hit me again, Bruiser.

-So, trust me…
-Hand hug?

-Hand hug.
-Hand hug.

All right, well, have fun
with your little costume on.

-"Costume"?
-Maybe you can wear that on Halloween.

-She's calling it a costume.
-You're jealous.

-[Scott] It's crazy, right?
-[Bruce] Yeah.

-It really is.
-Yeah. Okay.

-[Kris] Can I show you something outside?
-[Kourtney] Yeah.

Let me show you
what the pool guy made for me.

[Bruce] Okay, that's it?

-Let them enjoy their…
-I know. Honestly.

-[Scott] She's so jealous.
-Yeah.

[Kourtney] I actually saw this last night.

The little fence?

Yeah, and were these stepping stones
always here?

[Kris] For, like, the last year.

[Kourtney] It looks good.

Why in the world would you let Scott
do a helicopter pad on your property?

-Mom, we had this conversation.
-[Penelope] Mama.

-Yes?
-I know, but I think it's so bizarre.

-I thought you were going to tell him no.
-Hi.

We had this conversation.
I said I don't want to…

I'm, like, I'm not making his decision.

I'm not, like, being bossy like you.

Well, I mean…

it's not about being bossy,
it's about making intelligent decisions,

-and it's a piece of property…
-He's an adult…

-…and an investment.
-…and I'm not…

Like, he's free to do whatever he wants.

Like, he can make his decision on his own.

It's going to take up a huge amount
of property in your backyard,

and you're going to look out there
and see a big, you know, circle.

I just think
that it needs to be his decision.

I don't want to forever scar him
and he resents me.

[Kourtney] My mom has been telling Bruce
what to do for years and years,

and it makes Bruce resentful.

So I definitely don't want
to be in that situation, either.

[Kourtney] I'm not going to put
limitations on things.

[Kris] This is ridiculous.

[Scott] Bruiser, I want to show you where
the chopper pad's been marked off to.

So, it's taking up a little bit more
of the yard than I thought.

Truthfully, I thought
we were going to knock this tree out,

dig the property out a little,
and put it over there.

You can't dig the property
'cause it's so steep on the other side.

You got to keep it on this side.

You think things are going
to start getting thrown into the pool?

Oh, yeah. I would have a cover
for the pool.

-You know?
-I don't know. I mean,

this would look mighty pretty
with a chopper right here

just living the dream.

Yeah. Nothing better
than a good helicopter, yeah.

But it could be a bit of an eyesore
for the backyard.

-Yeah.
-This is tough.

I just don't want it
to affect the whole house,

and then I'm thinking,

"Is it going to start spraying everything
into the yard?"

Well, it will… it…
it will throw some things around.

[blows teeth]

You know, seeing the plans
for the helipad in the backyard

is definitely giving me second thoughts.

It's going to take up, like, half my yard

and it's probably hazardous
towards my kids.

It's got to be your decision
on what you do,

but could it be done? Absolutely.

Here's the thing about the little kids
running around.

I don't know if I can risk it.
Should I put the kids up for adoption?

Mm-hm. Yeah. I'll take them.

-I'm good at raising kids.
-Chopper, kids…

-[Kris] Kendall?
-[Kendall] Yeah?

[Kris] Whoa. What's going on in here?

I've never seen your room
quite this crazy.

I know. I'm sorry. I'm packing.

-You're, like, the neat freak.
-I know. This isn't normal.

Hm.

You're going to clean it up
before you leave, right?

Well, yeah.

Let me ask you a question
'cause it's been bothering me all night,

like, I was up in the middle of the night
thinking about it.

Do you think I'm controlling…

when it comes to daddy?

I can see where he's coming from
when he says that.

'Cause you have
a really strong personality,

and you like to pe…
you like people to do things your way,

and you like to tell them what to do.

I mean, that's fine.

I'm very definite for sure.

I just think I figured it out,

and I want everybody else
to be on my bandwagon.

-Yeah.
-[Kris] And…

I think he takes me
the wrong way sometimes.

You know, I'm strong.

But I can be very overwhelming.

[Kris] I know I can.

And I need to work on that.

[Kendall]
Is that why you think you two separated?

No, I think, I mean,
he definitely knows the way I am

and has lived with me for…

as he'll tell you,
over a quarter of a century.

-[Kendall] Yeah.
-But I think that people

just sometimes grow apart.

We still love each other.
And we still are family.

It's just that sometimes people…

need a break from each other.

-You know what I mean?
-Yeah.

Kourtney said
she doesn't want to be like me.

And she doesn't want to have
that same relationship with Scott

that I have with Bruce.

You know, I feel bad about the way
that maybe I came on too strong,

and tried to swoop in and fix things.

[Kris] At the end of the day,
I hope Bruce doesn't resent me for that.

[Mason]
I'll come and show you how I slide down.

[Bruce] Oh, okay,
are you going to show me? No…

Oh, my god!

That is the coolest slide I've ever seen.

I'm going in.

Are you coming out this way?

-[Mason] Yes.
-Where are you?

[Bruce] So cool. Let me see…

Are you in there, Mason?

[Mason squeals]

[Bruce] Yay!

Why don't you take the cardboard with you
all the way up to the top,

and then you put your butt on that
and slide down on it?

[Bruce] It's a great place for a slide.

Yeah, instead of the chopper,
we went with a slide.

A little bit more kid-friendly.

[laughs]

And a lot less expensive.

-[Mason] Daddy.
-[Scott] Oh, you're not kidding.

-Yeah.
-You know, at the end of the day,

it would've been nice
to have the chopper pad

and the heli that landed on it,

but, you know, having children,
sometimes, you got to compromise.

I'm actually happy that Kourtney
let me make the decision on my own,

and she didn't push me
into getting rid of the chopper idea

and getting some slides.

[Bruce] Kourtney!

[Kourtney] This is the coolest thing ever.

-[Mason] Mom!
-I hear somebody.

[Mason mutters]

[Kourtney] Is somebody in there?

Is this the most awesome thing
you've ever seen?

[Kris] This is incredible.

-This is great.
-[Kourtney] Did you go down it?

No, but I went up and looked,
it's steep up at the top.

[Bruce] Yeah.

[Kim] Mase, do you think
it's too dangerous to bring North in?

[Mason] Yes, it is.

Yeah, it's too scary for her.

[Mason] It's a little dark.

Let's get an extra tube
and put it in the pool.

KoKo, you want to go back up?

-[Khloe] Can't we go this way?
-Yeah.

[Scott] I feel like this worked out

to be a little bit more practical
than the helipad.

No.

[Scott] Give or take.

You think?

-Go.
-[Bruce] Go. Go.

This was a really good decision,

and it's not quite as loud
as a helicopter pad.

[Kris] This is so exciting, Mason.

Mase, would you rather a helipad
or the slide?

[Mason] I don't know what a helipad is.

-[Scott] It's where a helicopter lands.
-[Bruce] He's honest.

-[giggles]
-[Mason mutters]

[Bruce] Whoa!

So cool.

Look at those, like, Greek pillars.

Well, this house here
is a destroyed house.

-What happened to it?
-Nobody has ever taken care of it.

-What? It looks like…
-It's been sitting there for 20 years.

Maybe we could get it and fix it.

That would be a project.

-That'd be a fun beach house.
-Right?

Ready?

-Jump!
-[Kris chuckling]

[grunts]

-Nice day, huh?
-I know.

So, speaking of fixing things,
I had this conversation with Kourtney.

You know how Scott wanted a helicopter

-and a helicopter pad in the backyard?
-Oh, yeah, well, boy, do I?

And I was like, "Shut that [bleep] down.

You know, don't let him have
a helicopter pad in the house."

And she went completely the opposite
of what I told her to do.

Like, Kourtney said, "I don't do things
and handle Scott a certain way

because of the way you were with Bruce."

[both laughing]

Do you think I'm that crazy controlling?

-Is that…
-Of course.

I feel horrible that you guys think
that I'm that bad.

I don't want to be a crazy bitch.

Do you think I'm that crazy controlling?

-Is that…
-Of course.

I feel horrible that you guys think
that I'm that bad.

I don't want to be a crazy bitch.

It's not that you're a bad person
or anything.

It's just you have a kind of,
a dominant personality,

-you know?
-I think I recognize it more

when my kids pointed out to me
that they don't want to be like me.

No, it's not that nobody loves you,
they all love you,

but it's just the way you handle things,
you know?

Take the Porsche.

I went to the Porsche place,
I saw the car,

I drove it out, showed it to you,
you go, "Absolutely no."

-And I go, "I agree." I wasn't into it.
-I wanted to surprise you.

That's you controlling things.

You know? And I think that's what the kids
are, you know, complaining about.

I guess I just looked at it
as a really fun, huge surprise…

-Yeah.
-…and I didn't think about it that way.

I feel bad that I was a little strong
and controlling.

I still feel like I made the right choices

but I feel bad about my approach,

and I am mature enough
and big enough to admit it.

I just want to apologize

if you feel like I shut you down on things
that you wanted to do because I said no.

-You don't have to apologize.
-It's crazy.

It would be good
if you let go a little bit more

and let people make mistakes,

let them do it their way,
all that kind of stuff.

-That's all good.
-Yeah.

I think in time it'll come
as you get older.

[laughs]

-Oh, good. So when I'm 150…
-As you age…

-…I'm going to be perfect.
-Yeah, no, when you hit about 60.

Yeah. You're going to be mellowed out
and all that kind of stuff.

-Yeah.
-[Bruce] But you're not a bad person.

You have good intentions.

You have good intentions.

I feel really guilty
for things that happened in the past

but I got to apologize,

and it's really a relief to feel

like Bruce doesn't hold certain things
against me.

I think that other things
have caused Bruce and I to grow apart,

but the good news
is we'll always be really good friends.

Well, I'm sorry
if you guys take me that way

-'cause I don't mean to be that way.
-Yeah.

-Okay.
-Just, you know…

We'll forgive you. Live with you?

[Bruce] Mm…

-I don't know. Forgive you? Yes.
-[Kris laughs]

Well, that's good.
One out of two ain't bad.

[Bruce scoffs]

[Kim] Next on
Keeping Up with the Kardashians…

There's a father-son golf tournament
coming up.

-Let's do it.
-Well, the thing that's been tough

is getting Brody to commit to something.

You put the energy out there
like I'm lazy.

I've been reaching out
for the last few years,

and it's easier with Brandon.

[Kris]
We need to call the police immediately.

In the middle of my move,

I just discover that someone
took the majority of Lamar's jewelry.

-They were here? These two?
-Mm-hm.

I now have to question
and look at the people

that I let into my home.

So vulnerable already.
Who took my [bleep] [bleep].
Post Reply