09x17 - Design for Disaster

[bunniefuu]

[lively music]

-[Kim] Hello.
-[Kourtney] Oh.

The princess and the pea.

You're autographing?

You guys are so annoying, why?

No. Grab it.

-[Kourtney] You can't.
-[Khloé] Exactly.

-Can I have privacy in my room?
-Let me see if you can grab yours.

[Kourtney] Do I get a signed autograph?

[Khloé] Do I get one?

Absolutely not.

[Kourtney and Khloé] Why?

[Kim] I've asked you guys to come
for weeks to the newsstand

'cause I wanted to go see it
for the first time when it came out.

Kanye and I sh*t the cover of Vogue,
and I'm so excited.

-Oh, my god! This is wonderful.
-Oh, my god!

It's such a dream come true
to be on the cover of Vogue.

Tomorrow, I wanna go to the newsstand,
like, really early and go get it.

Will you guys go with me?
It comes out at 5:00.

I have a workout in the morning.

My mornings are really full,
and I can't come.

[Kim] They could care less,

and it actually kind of hurts my feelings.

I have your Vogue.

I read it on the john.

-Oh, my… Kim.
-Don't.

[laughter]

No.

[chuckles]

Kim, get up.

Try, yeah.

-Don't.
-Yeah, Kourtney, do it.

-If you draw, I'll k*ll you.
-Draw "Vogue" on her forehead.

Draw "Vogue" on her forehead!

-What if I gave you a black mole?
-Yes!

[chuckles]

Aah!

-[Kim] Stop.
-She's a…

-She's loose.
-Get out.

-[Kourtney] She's loose?
-[Khloé] She's loose.

[playful music]

[lively music]

[Martyn] So, we're coming in.
We've got these white walls.

With an amazing light fixture.
You look over there.

We're stunned by the beauty
of that black and white ceiling.

[giggles]
Yes.

-And the mirrored wall.
-And the mirrored wall.

[Khloé] I am so excited that I finally
bought my house and I have a new home.

I just wish I could move in tomorrow
and just be there and bring my toothbrush

and, like, "Yay, I'm here!"

[Khloé] But that's not happening
any time soon,

because there is a lot of work

that I have to do to my home
before I can move in.

[Martyn] Then these really great lamps.

-They were 12,000 dollars.
-Okay.

That's, like, so stupid.
I doubt they're 12,000 dollars.

-'Cause they're proper vintage lamps.
-Who would buy 12,000-dollar lamps?

-You would?
-Yeah, I would.

-You and my mom.
-Yeah. I have to say, Martyn wants them.

-Each.
-[Khloé] Yeah. No.

All right, so we brought you

-a chair to sit upon.
-[Khloé] Yay!

It's a little hard.

Just the way you like it.

What am I supposed to do?

[laughter]

-I'm so bad at this.
-You…

I'm not Kourtney at all. It just sucks.

[Khloé] I feel like I have so much
going on in my life.

I don't know what to do about this.
This freaks me out.

Keep this one.

-I think it's okay, actually.
-Okay, so we'll keep that.

I like keeping something.

[upbeat music]

[M.J.] You look darling.

-[Kourtney] Thank you. Yeah.
-[M.J.] Can I hold onto you?

We have an elevator here.

[gasps]
I'm so excited.

[M.J.] This is so pretty.

Oh. Wow.

Look at the fireplace out here, though.

-That is unusual.
-[Kourtney] Hmm?

-[Kris] It's two-sided, too.
-[M.J.] Yeah.

-My original piano.
-I know.

Kourtney, you need somebody
to come tune it, and they…

They said you need to wait
at least two months or something…

[M.J.] After you move.

-…before you could tune it.
-[Kris] After it settles?

-Yeah.
-[Kris] Because it's also…

You should keep it a little cleaner.

[Kris plays note]

-Like, polish it.
-Oh. I can't deal with you.

[Kourtney] If you know a housekeeper,
send them over.

[Kris] I'm a really good housekeeper.

[Kourtney] This is the office.

[M.J.] I'm not for hire
until my back gets better.

-[Kris] You okay, Mom?
-[M.J.] I think so.

[Kourtney] This is the guest room.

-[M.J.] Is this M.J.'s room?
-[Kourtney] Yes.

[M.J.] Oh, good.

This is perfect for me.

-I don't have to go upstairs or anything.
-Exactly.

And then there's a bar

-right outside your room.
-Oh! Hooray!

You must have been really wild
when you were younger.

-She was married three times.
-No.

Yeah, but I married
my high school sweetheart,

but we were only married
for two months, 60 days, so I b*at Kim.

-[Kris laughs]
-Mm-hmm.

[Kris] That's where she gets it.

Yeah, seriously.

I'm gonna use the restroom.

[Kris] These are all metal windows.

-[M.J.] Yeah.
-[Kris] Watch your step.

[Kris] My mom is actually my hero.

Many years ago, she overcame
breast cancer and colon cancer.

[Kris] And I just admire
how she handled herself.

But more recently, she's been struggling
with some other issues, like her bad back.

I, I won't walk you
all the way back there,

but if you look down there,
it's all mountains.

-It's stunning. Just stunning.
-[M.J.] Isn't that beautiful?

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] Hi. How are you?

-What?
-Very, very interesting.

[Kourtney] Did you cut those yourself?

-You guys know I don't have much…
-You look fine.

All I said was, "Did you cut those…"

First of all, Kim has pants
exactly like that.

Yeah. Let's not talk about that.

-Don't ever say that again.
-All I said was,

"Did you cut those yourself?"

Never say that.

Mm.

[phone chimes]

Oh, they're almost here.

I'll stop.

-Right now?
-Yeah. Let's bring this and sit…

We're gonna hide it, and then att*ck her
and just show her how much we love her.

Kourt and I,
we want to do something nice for Kim,

so we got her Vogue cover blown up.

Because we want her to know
that no matter what,

we will always be
her number one supporters.

Let's hide in the tent.

-Should we?
-And pop out.

Oh.
[Khloé chuckles]

Ow.

[Khloé] Hide your feet.

Freak.

[sighs]
Okay.

-It was a good meeting.
-[Khloé and Kourtney yelling]

[bleep]

-[laughter]
-What the [bleep] is wrong with you guys?

-Are you 12?
-[Khloé yells]

Guys.

-We love you.
-Oh, my god.

[Khloé] We love you, we love you.

-Khloé…
-A sister sandwich.

You guys, stop torturing me.

[Khloé] No. We love you, Keeks.

Kourt and I have a surprise for you.

-What?
-[Khloé] Back it on up.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

We made you a surprise.

-[Khloé] Yay!
-Whoa.

[Kourtney] That's cute.

We framed your Vogue cover
if you can't tell.

-That's really sweet.
-That was really sweet of them.

I just wanted to say sorry that we weren't
as excited as we could have been,

but we are very proud of you.

I am so excited
that my sisters finally came around

to realize, like, that

this is a really big deal.

I mean, my first family photo is in Vogue?

That's major, and I'm proud of it,

and I'm glad that they finally agree.

-I love it. Thank you.
-Try to smile during this.

-Me, too.
-Oh, my god, did you eat tuna?

Your hands reek of fish.

Or did you [bleep] someone?

♪ Oh! ♪

[lively music]

[Khloé] I appreciate you helping me

pick out some furniture and stuff.

No problem, partner.

It's gonna be fun.

This is my specialty.

You're gonna be
my little interior decorator.

-Yee-haw.
-[Khloé] Yeah, you are.

All right, all right, all right.

-Oh.
-What?

Ah!

-What? What is that?
-[Khloé screaming]

-What is it? Khloé?
-I don't know.

-Oh, it's touching me.
-I'm driving.

-It's a bug of some kind. Kourtney.
-What is it?

-What is it?
-I don't know where it is.

Is it a spider?

It's a flying bug.

[both scream]

-What? What?
-It was on me.

Oh, my god. Kourtney.

-[screams]
-It's on my lap.

-[Khloé giggles]
-It's on my lap.

Oh, my god.

-Khloé, what is it? What is it?
-It's walking.

[bleep] you, you [bleep] bug.

This year's been stressful.
I just wannna have fun and laugh.

And Kourtney makes me laugh
every single time I see her.

I think it's a cricket.

No. It flies.

-[sniffs]
-Yeah. I think crickets fly.

[lively music]

-[laughs]
-[Khloé] Thank god, it's Friday.

[smooches]

-How are you?
-Good. What do we think?

-We've seen some…
-[Kourtney] Hi.

-I was looking at some chairs.
-You've found some treasures already?

-[laughs]
-I like… I kind of like these,

-but I just…
-They're cool, those, actually.

[Kourtney] I don't know if they're, like…

[Martyn] Are they too small, though?

-[Khloé] Wait. That's mine.
-Yeah. Like, Scott would probably…

-It's, it's…
-…k*ll me.

-It's unbelievably uncomfortable.
-Yeah.

[Kourtney] I have hired Martyn
to do my house,

but hiring one of the best

decorators in town
could obviously be expensive.

So I am gonna help Khloé with her house,

because she just spent
a lot of money on this new house,

and she hasn't really decided
what she wants to do yet.

Well, my favorite thing to do
when I'm shopping is to take pictures

-of everything that I like.
-[Khloé] Yeah.

And then I go through it later,

-weed it through and then talk to…
-I like this tabletop.

That is cool.

-Should I take a picture for you?
-[Khloé] Yes.

And then we'll make decisions on exactly
what you're still obsessed with.

Okay.

Those are cool. Oh, there's real birds
in here. That is really cool.

Actually, I'm getting it.

You need it.

[Khloé] I love it. So pretty.

All right, well, I think we're on a roll.
We've got you a whole bird garden.

These are actually cool, too.

For what? You just buy a lot of chairs?

You know what, Khlo,
I have a chair problem.

-I think I like tables, you like chairs.
-Chairs, to me, are like shoes.

You don't even have anyone over.

[Khloé] I am really impressed
with how into it Kourt is.

We're all over town. She's trying
to get discounts here or there.

She did a really good job.

Would you like to hold hands?

Why are you so obsessed
with holding hands?

-[woman 1] Hello.
-[Kourtney] Hi.

-Are you looking for a bedroom rug and…
-I don't know yet.

I am her interior designer.

I like this.

That's my vision.

Shut up.

I am having so much fun
helping Khloé with this project.

[Kourtney] I have such an obsession
with interior design.

And this is the perfect project for me
to get my feet wet.

I can help your dreams come to life.

Okay. Thank you.

I like living dreams.

[lively music]

-I talked to Rob today.
-[Kim] You did?

He's been doing better, I think.

Good. He said he's going to the gym…

-Yeah.
-…every day.

He kind of threw that in there.
I didn't ask him.

You need to gain weight,
he needs to lose weight.

That's true.
[laughs]

Interesting.

So, what do you have to do
to not get, like…

-Osteo?
-…osteoporosis?

Well, see, since cancer,
I couldn't take any more estrogen.

-Mm-hmm.
-And I have scoliosis.

Mm-hmm.

And there's a lot of things contributing
to osteoporosis is the main thing.

So, keep doing your workouts.

-Do you lift, like, one-pound weights?
-No, five.

Ooh, that's a lot.

Do 'em like this, you know.

-That's heavy.
-And like that.

No, I've been doing those for years.

-Yeah?
-I actually have a muscle there.

-Ooh, you do.
-[M.J.] I know.

-I have a little…
-Shocked.

…a little pec there.
[laughs]

[upbeat music]

-[Kim] Here.
-That door's so heavy.

-Hi. How are you?
-How are you?

-Hi.
-[smooches]

-Good to see you.
-Thank god…

Kim, did you see what my wallpaper was?

[M.J.] It's been this way for months.

-[Kris] I made her face.
-[Kim] Mm-hmm.

She sat there very patiently

-while I painted her cheeks…
-I remember.

-…and the eyelashes.
-I remember.

-Those are good memories.
-[Kris] I know.

-You look good, Mom.
-Thank you.

I've been working with pain management.

Mm-hmm.

They call me every day.
"Well, what's, what's working?

Is this working? How much better?

What percentage do you think
the epidural helped you,

and do you wanna have
another one before May?"

Right.

I hate it when my mom tells me
that she's in a lot of pain,

and I constantly worry about her.

I feel like you have lost a lot of weight.

-Do you have an appetite?
-I haven't had one lately.

[Kris] It's so unsettling. I feel like
I really need to do something about this

because it just breaks my heart
that she's hurting,

because no daughter
wants to see her mom in pain.

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] Hey, guys. Long time, no see.

-Oh, it's Jenny from the Block.
-[Scott] Oh, there she is.

You don't like my hair like this?

I just like when it flows.

It looks so nice.

[laughter]

I don't know. I like what I like.

-All right, should we look at the boards?
-Mm-hmm.

This little stool
is gonna be covered in this.

-Oh, hi, sister!
-Hi, Pooch.

Oh, you look like a little country girl.

[Kourtney] Then this is the family room,
this cowhide rug.

I love that.

Martyn and his design team
always make the most amazing boards

to show me what each room will be like,

so I've made Khloé one of these boards
so she can get as excited as I am.

-Black and white photograph on one wall…
-I swear, you love this.

-I do.
-Mm-hmm.

And then this little bunch
in front of the ottoman.

Wow.

-[Kourtney] This is…
-Oh, my god, I love this, though.

For the entry, this concrete table
with, like, four of these.

[Khloé] Kourt, you're so good at this.

Kourt, I am floored.

I definitely think Kourtney
could do interior design for a living.

I think she's great at it.

[Khloé] She loves it.

Kourt just gets what I like,
and I really don't have to say much.

She just knows what I'm thinking.

I mean, I think our little collabo
is working out perfectly.

[Kourtney] Don't worry.
I'm gonna take care of you.

We're gonna make your house

the most fabulous house
in the neighborhood besides mine.

Kourtney Kardashian Interior Design
at your services.

-Yes.
-At your service.

-Services.
-Not services.

I like multiple services.

-I could style you.
-No.

Mm-mm.

[upbeat music]

-[Dr. Patel] Hi, there.
-[Kris] Hi.

-How are you?
-Hello. I'm good.

-I'm Kris.
-It's a pleasure meeting you.

-I'm Dr. Patel.
-Nice to meet…

Hi, Dr. Patel.

-How are you?
-This is an amazing facility

-you have here.
-Oh, well…

I know it's not
your everyday doctor's office.

So, you have your doctor's office
right here in this… in this place?

Yes, yeah.

I have heard story after story
about people that I know that have

benefited from medical marijuana.

And this could be something
that's beneficial to my mom.

-Have a sit right over there.
-Okay. Great.

-I'm not a drug person.
-[Dr. Patel] Mm-hmm.

[Kris] I'm more of a "have a glass
of wine or a cocktail" person.

Once it removes your pain,
you're no longer gonna consider it a drug.

You're gonna think of it as a medication.

And, you know, I came from a background
where I was actually opposed to marijuana,

but I started with a few patients
that asked me about it

and then I saw
the most incredible results with them.

-And, uh, I, I didn't wanna stop.
-Wow.

And before I knew it,
I felt like I was doing something horrible

by writing a prescription
for prescription medications.

-Wow.
-I've changed lives,

and I felt like I could never do that
with prescription medication.

So, I'm really here
to ask you about my mom.

Mm-hmm.

She's overcome breast cancer
and colon cancer.

-And she doesn't complain, really,
-Okay.

but I know she's in a lot of pain.

Pain is definitely a really common reason
that people come in.

It can range from pain,
anxiety, insomnia, cancer, HIV.

Oh, wow.

Um, it's a really wide range
of conditions that qualify you.

Like, I wasn't even
gonna talk to you about this,

but just, now that you've said that,
like, I have a really bad neck.

It's chronic. Like, every day
at five o'clock, I wanna die.

-And I've had three epidurals.
-Okay, so you would qualify.

I just have to do a physical exam
for the recommendation

and review your medical records.

Then I… Basically,
I'll give you the recommendation.

[Kris] I'm actually so happy to hear that

M.J.'s qualified for medical marijuana.

And why wouldn't I get
a recommendation for myself?

I've been dealing
with this neck pain of mine for years.

So, now I have this recommendation.
Where do we go?

Like, where would we
possibly find a place that sells?

There's hundreds
of dispensaries in LA alone.

-Hundreds?
-Yes, there are… there are so many.

All right. Well, you've been so helpful.

I'm getting quite the education.

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] Do you think

the back splashes
should be the antique mirror,

or do you think
it should be, like, a white…

I personally don't think
it should be antique mirror.

[Rob] Agreed.

[Kourtney] I think that's
too fancy schmancy.

All right, so I made you this
handy dandy folder with expense report.

Just make sure
that you want all of these things.

What is this? What service fee?

-A service fee for my services.
-[Rob] Surprise.

What?

Twenty-five grand for you to do what?

What do you mean?

Do you think I'm doing this for free?

25K? Who are you?
Who do you think you are?

[Khloé] We all know that's not happening.
No, Kourt is shady.

Cheap, shady, ruthless.

Take a girl to dinner
before you just [bleep] her up the ass.

What [bleep] was that about?

[Kourtney] That is such a family deal.

I mean, [bleep] me up the ass all day

but at least get
a girl drunk or something.

You want some champagne?

Not right now.

Now, I feel like you roofied me.
This is crazy.

I am an expert.

Oh, my god.

[lively music]

-[Kris] Hi.
-[woman 2] Hi.

-How are you?
-Great, how are you today?

Good. It smells so good in here.

It's our, uh, super hit nag champa.

You know, that's like
the original incense scent

that they used in India
like 2,000 years ago.

Oh, wow.

[Kris] Well, um…

I want… I'm looking for…

[chuckles]

My mom isn't feeling well.

-Okay.
-So, I wanna get her

-some medical marijuana.
-[woman 2] Oh, I see.

-You don't sell that here.
-No, no.

So, what is…

What is all of this situation here?

So, these are basically things
that you would use to smoke.

-Then, I would need that.
-Yeah.

Okay, so what would you recommend
for somebody who's just getting started?

Probably just a regular pipe
would be fine.

Don't you just roll it up in a paper
and smoke it?

You can,
but, um, people have decided to use pipes

because of the carcinogens in the paper
that are not as good for you.

[Kris] I have got my prescription
for medical marijuana,

but I need to get prepared for all
the other stuff that might be necessary.

So, basically, the more that you put,
the more effect you're gonna get.

-So, it's like coffee. Okay.
-Yeah, exactly.

[Kris] Do you have a leopard one?

Kind of looks like a little mushroom,
it's so cute.

This is so much fun.

[Kris] Who knew that getting
a medical marijuana recommendation

would mean I get to go shopping?

[Kris gasps softly]
What is this little situation?

-Will our water pipe fit in there?
-Possibly.

[Kris] Oh, let's check it out.

My mom is crazy for leopard.

-It's a little snug, huh?
-It's like the dress I had on last night.

[Kris] So, the fact that they have
a leopard print bag

and all the accessories
makes me really happy.

Thanks for all your advice.

And I'll probably be calling you
'cause I have no idea what I'm doing.

[woman 2] Thank you.

[upbeat music]

[Kourtney] I haven't found anything

-grand enough, yet, for this.
-I haven't either.

[Kourtney] So, I'm gonna keep looking.

All we have left to take care of
is I just need to have my check sent.

-Mmm. The 25,000?
-The check.

-Yes.
-You must be out of your mind.

I cannot believe that Khloé thought

that I was going to help her
design her house for free.

-Get over yourself.
-So, why would you string me along

-and have me keep working…
-I'm not paying this fee.

-For my work?
-What work?

I've done everything with you.

It's called, I spent a lot of time.

Look, I didn't know you were charging
a fee. We didn't discuss that.

Why would I hire you for 25,000 dollars?

I thought this was a fun family activity.

-[Khloé] Kourtney.
-I'm not gonna show you

-the rest of my work.
-Kourt.

[Kourtney] No, and enjoy living here
with your disgusting, cheesy finishes.

[upbeat music]

[Kris] Hey, M.J., could you come
into the kitchen for a second?

[M.J.] You called?

I went to a store
and I got some incense for Kylie.

Mmm, jasmine.

-We used to have the little triangles.
-Yeah.

-Remember?
-[Kris] Oh.

I used to light 'em around in the '60s.
You don't remember that?

Did you ever do dr*gs in the '60s,
like marijuana?

No, I was afraid.

-Really?
-Yeah.

[Kris] I know that medical marijuana

could be something
that's beneficial to my mom.

But I'm actually a little nervous,

thinking M.J.'s gonna think
I'm nuts for even bringing this up.

Would you be afraid to do
any kind of… marijuana now?

[Kim] What is she trying to talk you into?
Don't let…

-Don't let her talk you into any…
-Okay, well, let me just tell you,

because of your back and the way
you've been feeling and the pain,

what if you got some medical marijuana?

Oh.

[Kris] It would make you hungry.

-Yeah.
-And it might help with your back.

[M.J.] I'll be right back.

[Kim] I'm not condoning this.

I wanted to show you something, Kris.
Do you know what those are?

-Gummy bears.
-Gummy bears?

But these are…
[chuckles]

…the magic gummy bears.

What?

My doctor thought it would be a good idea
for my appetite and my back.

-And she's an archaeologist.
-There's marijuana in the gummy bears?

Mm-hmm.

[Kris] My mom is not exactly
the smoking type,

so leave it to her to find a much more
practical way to take medical marijuana.

That's amazing.

So, you already have a prescription?

Yes, ma'am.

[lively music]

We are all in Miami
for our DASH store opening

that we are so excited about.

[indistinct chatter]

[Kourtney] Get out of here. Get out.

-Doll, do you wanna go in another car?
-[Kourtney] Okay.

[Khloé] This whole situation
over interior decorating

is now so awkward.

[Khloé] Like, come on,
why are you being so rude to me?

-I was like, "You're leaving, too?"
-No.

[Khloé] I hope she's gonna be reasonable
and come to her senses.

This is ridiculous.

Her eyes are, like, literally, so cute.

[Khloé] She is so cute.
Those are your eyes, though.

I kind of see his in them sometimes.

I think just the expression

-'cause the expression is like…
-Maybe.

Oh, good. Look, there's DASH.

-It looks awesome.
-Yeah.

It looks so good.

[lively music]

[concierge] Hi, welcome
to The Villa by Barton G. Right this way.

[Kim] We are staying
at the Versace Mansion.

And it is, like, an iconic place in Miami.

[lively music]

[Kim] It used to be Gianni Versace's home.

So many of my friends had always
talked about the Versace Mansion.

It's really, really cool.

[concierge]
This is Gianni Versace's bedroom.

[Kim] How romantical.

Oh, my god, I cannot wait
to do a photo sh**t in here.

[Kourtney] Love it.

-♪ Da, da-na-na ♪
-[Scott] Oh, let the Lord be with you.

Whipped cream

-and K-Y Jelly…
-K-Y Jelly?

-…and massage oil.
-I'm gonna be [bleep] all weekend.

Is this because I said
we have no kids with us?

[Scott] Is this a joke?

These beds are ridiculous.

Look at this! Look at me.

Wait, let's get a huge bed like this
at our house.

Do I make you horny, baby? Yeah!

-Look at the ceiling.
-[Scott] Dude, this is so wild.

I can finally sleep again!

[lively music]

-[Kim] Hi.
-[Jonathan] Hi, what's up?

Wait, you guys are,
like, dressed exactly the same.

Is it just us?
Where's, uh, Kourtney and Scott?

Uh, it's just us.

-I like your hair that way.
-I don't talk to Kourtney right now.

They wanted to do their own thing.

How was your night sleeping
in Gianni Versace's bed, by the way?

[Kim] It was great.

Can I tell you
why me and Kourtney are fighting?

Why are you fighting?

Kourt sent me a bill
for interior designing my house,

-and I'm like…
-But that's a joke.

-Obviously.
-That's what I said.

I go, "I could've hired…"

-She didn't send you a real bill with a…
-She sent me…

-Like, what's her name, like,
-An invoice…

-"Kourtney Does Khloé's House"?
-…to my business manager.

-Like, there's no company.
-Kourtney Does Khloé.

-Back Door Abby.
-Yeah.

I think that, obviously,
she's spending a lot of time

and I respect people that work,

but that should have been
discussed before.

Beforehand, yeah.

-She should've told you,
-And she should have done that,

-"I'm gonna charge you."
-like, for her sister.

Yeah, I'm pissed, actually.

-You guys are heating me up.
-You should be pissed.

-I think it's kind of crazy.
-Just the validation

-that I'm right for my feelings right now.
-You're so right, it's, like, it's scary.

I definitely feel bad that Kourtney and I
are arguing over money.

[Khloé] I do believe everyone
should be paid for their services.

But… to be just blindsided
with a very hefty bill, that's ridiculous.

I think you should really go tell her
to shove that bill up her ass.

[lively music]

-[Scott] This looks nice.
-[woman 3] Welcome to The Victor.

Thank you.

-Oh, cool.
-Oh, we should have hung out here today.

[lively music]

[Chris] Let's get a cocktail.

-Oh, perfect.
-Cheers.

[clinks]

[bleep] excited.

[Scott] Spring breakers.

Hell, yeah.
[whoops]

Party in my pants. Everyone's coming.

Do I look like old Kim circa Super Bowl?

-Yeah, and I love it.
-Me, too.

-[Khloé] It's awesome.
-[Kim] 'Cause it's the ponytail.

Mm-hmm.

It snatches your face up.

-Good snatch.
-[laughter]

Yeah, it hurts a little bit.

I kind of need an Advil.

Did you see how many people are outside?

[Khloé] Duh, my room's right here.

[Kourtney] It's crazy.

Oh, my god,
there's a full tourist van outside.

[stylist] Do you ever wash this hair?

-[Khloé] No.
-[stylist] No?

-Does my hair look cheesy?
-No.

-Yeah, it does.
-[Kourtney] It does look cheesy right now.

[Kourtney] The curls,
you're gonna brush out.

Of course, they're brushing it out,
you [bleep] dickwad.

Even though Khloé and I
are not on the best of terms right now,

I have to put aside the drama
and just put on a happy face

for the sake of our DASH opening.

[Khloé] Do you have
a [bleep] shoved so far

up your wad that
it makes you this miserable?

Yeah. I do.

[upbeat music]

[fans cheering, shouting]

[fans] Khloé! Khloé!

I am so happy with our DASH Miami store.

Oh, my god, I love our jewelry counters.

The store looks so amazing,
so clean, so perfect.

This is our grand opening,
and we're so excited.

-I love it.
-[pops]

Oh, watch the Lord, man!

-The Lord is going crazy back there.
-Watch the Lord, man!

[reporter] I need to ask about DASH Kids.
What's up with that?

Actually, which
I never even told my sisters,

but we started ordering a couple items

-of little kids' things.
-I already knew this.

Oh, yeah, I told you.

Like, some ba… little mini bikinis
that match with matching cover-ups.

We have so many amazing people
that came to this event

and showed up just to see
the store open for the first time.

It's a really good feeling just to know
that Miami came out to support.

This is a lot of excitement.

People will write me, like,

"Why does Scott
always call Fat Joe 'Raul'?

Does he not know
his name is really Fat Joe?"

[laughter]

Do you wanna take the pic
with the DASH girls?

Yeah.

-Where is Khloé?
-Khloé!

What? Oh, my god.

-[Khloé] You are freaking me out.
-[Kourtney] DASH girls!

[camera shutter clicking]

I just want to thank all…
everyone for coming.

We are so excited.

This was our first store that we had
after our LA one.

So this… We're so glad
that we finally got to move

and come to this gorgeous location.

It's like a dream for us. Thank you
for all your hard work, everyone.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

[upbeat music]

[M.J.] I see we're having our cocktail.

[Kris] Well, you never know.

So, are you hungry?

-No. Not really.
-All right.

That's why I guess I need
to take my medication.

[Kris] Why don't you take one?

Then I'll make you a little snack

-in case you get some munchies.
-In case I get very hungry.

I think you should do it with me.

Oh, Mom.

I don't know. I just…

It's not a bad thing.

They've obviously made it
medicinally available

to people with AIDS and cancer,
and it's a good thing.

I'm not against anybody getting a little
pain relief from medical marijuana,

that's the whole point here.

[Kris] So, if it helps my neck pain
and she's asking me to do it with her,

I'm here to support
and I'll do it this one time.

Okay. I don't like to drink alone,
so I'm sure

-you don't like to take this alone.
-That's how I feel.

-Okay, cheers.
-So, cheers.

[upbeat music]

They're just like gummy bears.

I never thought in a million years
that I would be doing this with M.J.

[chuckles]

[Kris] So, how are you feeling?

Um, actually, my back feels better.

Do you feel like
you need to use your cane?

Not going anywhere.
[M.J. chuckles]

Do you want a muffin?

I like the chips and the guac.

-You want some popcorn?
-No, Mom, I'm fine.

Never heard you talk this much
about food in, like, 20 years.

-How could you resist?
-That incense is, like, intense.

This is really good popcorn.

You're a good cook.

I didn't cook the popcorn.

[laughter]

-It's not…
-You already have chips and dip here?

-Hi. Where did you come from?
-Oh, hi.

[Bruce] That way.
Why are you burning incense?

-They smell horrible.
-[M.J. laughs]

So, M.J.'s feeling really good right now.

-And so is she.
-Well, that's good.

Because…
[Kris laughs]

Because we're trying out
a new remedy for her back pain.

-What's her new remedy?
-She…

[Kris] Well…

[laughter]

We think it would be a good idea for M.J.
to, like, try out some M.J.

-You know what I'm saying?
-So, we did, we did.

-You know what marijuana is?
-Prescribed.

I mean…

Yes, I do,
and I won't have it in this house.

[Bruce] I hate dr*gs,

and to have Kris and her mom

treating this like a joke,

that really, really upsets me.

I want that [bleep] out of the house.

[upbeat music]

[Kris] So, M.J.'s feeling
really good right now.

-And so is she.
-Well, that's good.

Because… we think it would be a good idea

for M.J. to, like, try out some M.J.

-You know what I'm saying?
-[M.J.] So, we did, we did.

-You know what marijuana is?
-Prescribed.

Yes, I do,
and I won't have it in this house.

[clicks tongue]
Well, you don't have to. It's in here.

[laughs]

[both laughing]

-I should write that down.
-I don't think you've ever said…

-I don't think you've ever been funnier.
-I think I'll write that down.

[Kris laughs]

Mr. Buzzkill is here.

I don't know how to stop laughing.

As usual, he's not happy with us
because we're having way too much fun.

-Okay, here's the deal.
-[Kris laughs]

[laughs heartily]

-Kris, listen to me.
-[Kris] Hmm.

-Kendall and Kylie aren't here.
-Yeah.

I want that [bleep] out of the house
before they get here.

Technically, it is an illegal drug.

It sets a terrible example for the kids.

I think you should do
a little bit of research

-on how a little bit of medical marijuana
-I don't care… Research.

-can be very beneficial
-Okay, okay, I don't agree.

-for somebody that's M.J.'s age
-I don't agree.

-and in a lot of pain.
-I don't agree.

She can do what she wants. I don't agree.

[Bruce] Maybe with M.J., you know,

it does increase her appetite
and maybe helps her deal with pain,

but we have teenagers in our house.

And this does not set a good example.

[Bruce] You can do it on your own
and do it in the privacy of your own home.

-We are.
-But don't bring it around here.

[Bruce] I'm out of here.

-Do you wanna take guacamole with you?
-No. Thank you.

Ah, he didn't get it.

[Kris] He was such a buzzkill.

He has a valid point, I guess.

What is that?

That we were having more fun than him.

[both chuckle]

[Kris] Bruce has his issues,

and I totally understand that
and respect that.

[Kris] But look at M.J.
She's feeling really good.

And it's been a long time

since I've seen her
just let loose like this.

[Kris] Oh, Mary Jo.

Oh, yeah. Oh, baby.

[whoops]
Oh, yeah.

-Put your arms up. Oh, yeah.
-[Kris] Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

[Kris] And she's back.

[M.J.] For an hour or two.

[M.J. and Kris laugh]

[upbeat music]

Dave, you're gonna take
the whole [bleep] thing?

Wow, Dave, you really are
the nightclub entrepreneur.

That's a nice little trick.

-Let me help you out.
-Uh, think I'm [bleep] starting too early.

[Jonathan] Dinnertime!

I feel like Madonna in here.

[waiter] Welcome to Il Sole.
Can I offer you some wine?

I will have some white wine.

-[Khloé] Thank you.
-[Kim] What are you guys getting?

Everything sounds so good.

-Kim, you want artichoke ravioli?
-[Kim] Yes. Where's Scott?

[waitress] Can I get anyone else a drink?

-Two separate chilled sh*ts of tequila.
-No, a bunch.

-[David] Twelve sh*ts of tequila.
-[fans screaming]

Let's show these fans what time it is.

-This is so good.
-He's living it up.

-[Khloé] So good.
-That's amazing.

-[women screaming]
-What's going on?

-Uh-oh.
-Oh, no. Scott?

[Kourtney] Oh, my god.

Let the Lord be with you!

-[women screaming]
-How are you, people?

What is he doing?

I thought this is America, people.

Versace! Versace! Versace! Versace!

[women screaming]

What's happening out there?

[Khloé] Kourtney, he's…
He can't go far. Don't worry.

Hey, LD, what were you doing out there?

[Scott] I wanna know
about printed Versace shirts.

[Khloé] Oh, okay.

Remember when I wore a Versace shirt?

[Scott] See me in that Versace?

You see what it looks like to be rich?

Versace! Versace! Versace!

Oh, he's on one tonight!

[Kourtney] I'm fighting with Khloé,
and now Scott

is starting to get a little sloppy.

Twist my [bleep]. My [bleep] ain't right.

This is just exactly what I don't need.

[Kourtney] I just want to go to bed,
get on a plane,

and get out of Miami.

[Kim] Maybe don't drink anymore,
so you guys can have a good night.

-Yeah. Exactly.
-Yeah.

She wants to cuddle in bed
and be normal, not like…

Yeah, totally.

[Kim] When Scott acts like this,

he's really unpredictable.

[Kim] Every once in a while is fine,

but just not to this level,
not this hard-core.

I just pissed and dripped
a little pee-pee in my pants.

[tense music]

[Scott] Yeah, send my Versace, son.

You see what it looks like to be rich?

You are on a tight leash tonight.

-I'm gonna get in trouble soon, Khlo.
-Yeah, you're gonna get in trouble soon.

-[Kylie] Yeah.
-You really are.

You should take a break.

'Cause I can't deal
with you guys fighting tonight.

Take a walk, drink some water,
take some bread, whatever you got to do…

-Challah bread.
-…to take it down a notch, do it.

I'm so down a notch.

She wants you to take a walk anyway.

-Take a walk.
-Oh, I have to take a walk.

[Khloé] I know how much
it bothers Kourtney

when Scott gets out of control like this.

[Khloé] I have to step in
and be a good sister

and try to prevent a really big fight.

[Khloé] Scott, come with me.

Oh, we gonna do it like we done did it.

Hell yeah, Versace this…

Okay, don't put your [bleep]
that close to mine.

Yo, my [bleep] is soft.

Kourtney's gonna k*ll me.

I got to sleep.

[Khloé] Lord, are you naked?

-[Chris] He's okay.
-[Scott] Oh, [bleep].

[upbeat music]

[laughter]

I give you a hundred grand
if you can do that flip.

-Let's go!
-All right, let's go.

I'm not gonna do it like…
Don't… Watch your head!

I can do what Scott does.

-[indistinct chatter]
-What the [bleep]?

No, he did a little more of a flip.

That's what I did?

I did not say, "Hello."

I said, "Hello!"

That's exactly what I did.

You got to try it.

-You got to try it.
-Hercules!

I don't even know if that's a flip.
I think it's like a side tuck and curl.

[Khloé] I'm over.

-Ten minutes is my max in this room.
-Where's Kourtney? She's gonna k*ll me.

Oh, my god. Later?

[lively music]

-How's the hat?
-Perfect. Really cute.

-So, how do you get in?
-Okay, so…

[light music]

So, these steps,
it's not gonna be this material.

They're gonna be long stairs like this.

[M.J.] Is it gonna be more Tuscan
or more Mediterranean or what?

[Kim] A little bit more modern.

[M.J.] More modern.

[Kim] I have wanted to show
my grandma my new house,

but she's just had this back pain
for the last six months.

[M.J.] I'm sorry, I'm a little slow.

-[Kim] Do you need help?
-[M.J.] No.

The fact that my house
is like a full construction zone,

and she is here touring it with me
means everything to me.

-This is gonna be North's room.
-That's why it looks so big.

[M.J.] Aw, the baby room.

[Kim] Yeah, it's kind of big.

-There are views everywhere.
-Yeah.

And then across the way,
there's our master bedroom.

Beautiful.

This is the balcony, and then,
this is gonna be the second kid's room.

-You mean guest room?
-No.

-Second kid's room.
-Kid's room. Good.

-You never know.
-Good.

I feel like by the time we move in,
I'll probably be pregnant. So…

And we'll make this the nursery
and always leave that North's room.

So, this is our little baby room
for the next one.

-How cute.
-Yeah.

You did all this and no bar?

[laughs]

-We, we had a bar…
-How could you not have a bar?

Well, I don't drink at all.

-Oh, but I do.
-But I think you need one.

[laughs]

I really wasn't for the medical marijuana,

but if it's fully making her feel better,
I'm all for it.

[Kim] Voilá, that's my house.

[M.J.] Well, it's fabulous.

I love it. It's really beautiful, Kim.

But you do have to get a bar going.

[both laugh]

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] Everything's very ironic with you.

Like, I don't hear from you for months
and I call and call and call,

and then all of a sudden,
this is when I hear from you?

So, go see your father
if he's really dying,

or you're gonna regret it later.

And you're gonna use that
as an excuse, too.

You will.
You use everything for an excuse.

Go see your dad so you have peace.

And I don't know what else to tell you.

[Khloé] Mmm. Another good mind game
on your part.

But if it make…

If that's what's gonna benefit you,
go ahead.

But then when I need you
and you disappear for two months,

that's not… Like, that's a really…

That comment you just made
is such a selfish one-way relationship.

Like, when you call you…

Like, you need to speak to me
so I can fix a problem.

But then if I need you to do anything,
I can't find you for months.

That's not fair.

[Khloé] I'm always there
and I always will be there for Lamar.

But it's so draining.

It's just this emotional roller coaster
that I just don't know how healthy it is.

[breathes deeply]

Well, if he is dying, you have to get
in the mood and you have to…

you know, wrap your head around that.
There's nothing more I can say.

And you can't use that as an excuse
and be destructive.

[Khloé] Okay.

Bye.

Three months ago, his dad was dying,
and then when I called the nurse,

they were like,
"His dad hasn't been here."

And now he says his dad's in the hospital.

I just don't know what to believe.
I don't know.

[Kourtney] Khloé's still dealing
with the situation with Lamar.

I know that she needs to move on,

and I am just making things worse
by fighting with her

about this interior design situation.

And I just feel bad.

Well, I give you props
for always being the bigger person.

[Khloé] About what?

Everything.
With Lamar and then with Scott.

[Khloé] What'd Scott do?

[Kourtney]
In Miami, being a drunk buffoon.

Even though you and I were fighting,
you still had my back.

I mean, duh!

What do you think, 'cause we fight,

-I'm not gonna, like, have your back?
-[Kourtney] No, I know.

I'm just saying
you're always the bigger person.

[Kourtney] No matter how much Khloé and I
are fighting or annoyed with each other,

she always tries to do the right thing.

[Kourtney] She just has a big heart.
And I love that about her.

Anyways, I would love
to still help you with your house.

And it's on me. No charge.

[Khloé] I hired Martyn already.

But I wanted to say sorry, too.

For not thinking you were worth your fee.

You're worth 15 million times
over that, Kourt.

I just can't afford to pay you.

Thanks.

You get my services for free.

I can't really explain
what my services exactly are.

-They are good.
-[Khloé] It's a very extensive list

coming your way.

-Free 99.
-Cute.

[both laugh]

[Kim] Next on Keeping Up
with the Kardashians…

What do you think you know about love?

And if you were to marry again,
would you elope?

Obviously, those two are off the table.

I don't give a [bleep]!
My mom should have my [bleep] back!

You're having a wedding.

I don't know anything that's going on.

I just want to take every responsibility
off your plate. I'm gonna move out.

Jonathan and I are gonna surprise Khloé
and her new friend, French Montana.

[Jonathan] I think this is her car.

[Kim gasps]
Is that Lamar?

Oh, [bleep]. That is Lamar.

[tense music]

-Wait.
-Sorry.

What is happening?

[tense music]