15x05 - The Family Feud

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Keeping Up With the Kardashians". Aired: October 14, 2007 - 2021.*
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Reality series of the Kardashian family featuring Kim, Kourtney, Khloe and the rest of the Kardashian/Jenner clan personal and professional lives.
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15x05 - The Family Feud

Post by bunniefuu »

Keeping Up
with the Kardashians...

What's wrong? KOURTNEY: Nothing.

I can't talk.
KIM: Are you fighting with.

Scott? KRIS: When Kourtney gets

upset, it isn't pretty.
SCOTT: She just fires these

missiles at me.
KRIS: She is trying to cope.

SCOTT: You're out of your
mind if you think I'm wrong.

Family Feud.

KIM: I got to jump ship.
KRIS: Oh, no, no, no, no.

MAN: This way, you guys.
KHLOE: It's such a cluster

(bleep).
KANYE: I'm not finna kick

one of my family members off of
TV they first time on TV.

KHLOE: Mom... KRIS: She said no.

Kim created this mess, and I
have to clean it up.

STEVE: Let me solve this
problem.

KIM: I feel really confident
about my team.

KHLOE: They think they have
this in the bag, let's just...

balls to the wall. ♪ ♪

KOURTNEY: It's slightly
chilly in here.

KHLOE: Oh, no.
But if I was pounds, I'm

sure I'd be freezing, too.
KOURTNEY: How was your New.

Year's?
I saw your post with Simon and.

Savas. KHLOE: It was just really

nice, chill.
You know, my first sober.

New Year's.
KOURTNEY: Was it your first

sober New Year's ever?
KHLOE: That I can remember.

So nice to be drunk.
KOURTNEY: Did you have fun on.

Christmas Eve?
I felt like it wasn't as wild as

it... ]] KHLOE: Because of me.

KOURTNEY: As it usually is.

KHLOE: Because I'm normally
the one that riles everyone up.

KOURTNEY: I mean, it was
a little weird.

KHLOE: I think your boyfriend
was uncomfortable, which is

understandable.
KOURTNEY: Yeah, I just felt

like I couldn't, like, leave his
side... I was like, "What's"

gonna happen?"
For my mom's Christmas Eve

party, there was a lot of back-
and-forth about Scott coming,

because Younes was coming, and
so, you know, in the end, they

were both invited.
But it was the first time that.

Scott and Younes were in the
same room together.

KHLOE: It was awkward, no
matter what, the whole thing.

KOURTNEY: Yeah.
Who got you the mommy necklace?

KHLOE: That's what you're
thinking about?

KOURTNEY: No, I got that for
Mom, that's why I was asking.

KHLOE: Mom gave it to me.
Is it a regift?

KOURTNEY: I don't know.
Unless she bought it for you.

But I bought one for her.
KHLOE: You need to check.

That's just amazing.
KOURTNEY: Oh, my God.

Should I be like, "Where's your
mommy necklace?"

KHLOE: (laughs) That's amazing.

♪ ♪

KHLOE: Mom, am I gonna break
this?

KRIS: No. You shouldn't.
KHLOE: Okay, I'm not doing

this.
My fat ass can't go on that

right now. ]] KOURTNEY: I'll go.

(swings creaking)
KIM: That sound really irks

me. (Kris laughs)

KOURTNEY: What if I made
that sound when I had sex?

Family Feud.

KIM: All right, so who's
going to be the team captain?

Is that me? ]] KHLOE: Kimberly.

KIM: Okay, I got this, guys.
KHLOE: You've literally been

"doll-hauling" to do this.
We're basically doing this

because of you. KOURTNEY: Yeah.

KIM: Okay. ]] KOURTNEY: Whoo!

KHLOE: Oh, my God. Literally

the best game ever...
We're obsessed.

Maybe seven years ago... I don't
even know how long ago it was,

we played against Deion Sanders
and family.

KIM: Sanders family, the only
thing you're gonna hear today...

(imitates buzzer)
We were so embarrassing.

We hardly got any questions
right... we were awful.

(buzzer sounds) ]] MAN: Uh-oh.

KIM: I saw that they're doing
Celebrity Family Feud

again, I thought we have to be
on.

Like, it's not even an option.
Like, we have to win.

We have to do this.
KOURTNEY: Who are you even

against? KIM: Yeah, who are we

against?
KRIS: They haven't told us

yet; We asked again yesterday.
Amber Rose and Blac Chyna.

(laughs)
KOURTNEY: I don't think any

of you guys should be on, to be
honest.

KRIS: Thanks, Kourtney, for
the vote of confidence.

KOURTNEY: This is your one
life to walk this planet.

Do you really want to spend your
Family Feud?

KHLOE: Guess what we would
be doing on a Saturday,

all separated.
But now we're gonna be on a.

Saturday, all together
building a memory.

And just how we talk about the
that we failed.

We'll be able to talk about...
KOURTNEY: I don't remember it

except my ugly yellow dress and
my ugly hat.

KHLOE: So, you go back inside.

We are gonna spend the day
together.

KOURTNEY: I thought Kanye is
the one who, actually, really

wanted to do it the most.
KIM: He does, that's why he's

coming, and he's gonna, like,
yell out answers... in the

dressing room, to himself. ♪ ♪

KIM: Is this it? KOURTNEY: Ew.

KIM: Howdy.
KOURTNEY: So romantic.

Okay, I'm so good at this.
Give us the biggest push

of your life. ]] MAN: I will.

KOURTNEY: I can't turn.
KIM: Don't we have an oar?

KOURTNEY: This isn't a canoe.
KIM: (bleep)

Pedal, please.
My pedal's breaking. (Bleep)

KOURTNEY: Oh, we're about to
hit a... Ooh.

Okay, let's turn to the right.
KIM: Wanna take a pic?

KOURTNEY: Mm-hmm.
KIM: Oh, my wrist kills.

Even the way that I hold my
phone hurts my hand.

KOURTNEY: I go like this.
KIM: I have been feeling a

lot of pain in my wrist when I'm
texting, when I'm not.

They just feel super crampy.
And I've been putting off going

to the doctor for a while.
Will you take a pic for me?

'Cause my hand is k*lling me.
Like, I want it to be like I'm

taking a selfie.
KOURTNEY: How will I...

(bleep)
You want me to put my arm around

you, like this?
KIM: No, 'cause then your arm

will get too short.
Just, like, do it like that,

and I'll, like, lean in.
And we'll pretend like it's my

hand. (Camera clicks)

Ew. Your hand is just too short.
Pax.

PAX: Yeah?
KIM: Will you come to take a.

Snapchat?
KOURTNEY: Paxy is, like, a

professional photographer.
A social media...

KIM: If you (bleep) drop my
phone...

PAX: What? KIM: I'll k*ll you.

No, no, no, you can just...
Oh, perfect, like that.

Wait, just right there. Aah!
PAX: I won't drop your phone,

I promise.
KIM: Okay. Just like that.

We flop over. (Screams)

Okay, never mind.
KOURTNEY: You're sitting on

the mic. ]] PAX: That's a GoPro.

KOURTNEY: Wait, I mean that...
KIM: Is the GoPro okay?

PAX: Yeah.
KIM: I'll pretend like it's

my arm... I'll go like this.
PAX: How's that?

KIM: Okay, yeah.
PAX: Did I take it?

KIM: Yeah. So cute.
We'll save it.

PAX: Oh, yeah, that really
does look like your arm.

KIM (filtered): Hey, guys,
we're on a boat today.

Cute. Oh, my God.
I'm gonna need a professional

selfie-taker.
Or is that called a selfie

stick? PAX: I'll be your selfie

stick. ]] KOURTNEY: Thanks, Pax.

KIM: How the (bleep) do we
turn around?

♪ ♪

KIM: You look so pretty.
MJ: Thank you.

Just like Diane Keaton, huh?
You don't like this color?

KIM: It's a bit yellowy.
MJ: I like that.

More trampy. KIM: More trippy.

Mine's more like silvery-icy.
MJ: I know.

KIM: And then Mom's doing,
like, whitish.

MJ: I'm doing it the way
Hollywood used to do it.

KIM: Yeah. ]] MJ: Mm-hmm.

KIM: I am doing a campaign
for my new concealers, and I

thought it would just be
really amazing to have my mom

and my grandma in the campaign,
and have us all be blonde.

Who should I FaceTime?
Let's see if Kourtney picks up.

MJ: Let's see if she
recognizes me.

She won't pick up.
KOURTNEY: Oh, my God, you

look so pretty.
KIM: Doesn't she?

MJ: Oh, thank you.
KIM: What's wrong?

MJ: What's wrong?
KOURTNEY: Nothing.

KIM: What's wrong?
MJ: What's wrong?

KOURTNEY: Nothing. I can't
talk, 'cause P's here.

I'll text you.

HARRISON: Any pain with this?
KIM: Yes.

HARRISON: Do you feel any
numbness or tingling in your

thumb, your index finger or
middle finger?

KIM: Yeah, I mean, if I hold
it up long enough, yeah.

HARRISON: You do feel it.
You are definitely showing some

of the cardinal signs for carpal
tunnel.

SCOTT: I will bet you $
billion there's not a human

being that you know that won't
go with what exactly I just

said.
But you're out of your mind if

you think I'm wrong.

KIM: What's wrong?
MJ: What's wrong?

KOURTNEY: Nothing.
I can't talk 'cause P's here.

I'll text you.
KIM: Okay. You okay?

Need me to come there?
KOURTNEY: No, no, no, it's

not that big of a deal.
I'm fine.

KIM: Are you fighting with
your boyfriend?

KOURTNEY: No, not at all.
KIM: Oh, good. Scott?

KOURTNEY: Yeah, I'll just
text you.

KIM: Yeah, of course. Okay, bye.

KOURTNEY: Okay, bye.
MJ: She okay?

KIM: She is crying.
She said "Scott just texted me"

that he introduced Mason to his
girlfriend.

But he didn't even tell me
first.

And we've been going to therapy
to discuss it, and he said he

"was gonna wait. Just annoying."

MJ: Gosh.
Why can't they get it together?

One way or the other?
KIM: You know, I think it's

just more of, like, a principle
thing, that they made this rule

and they've been going to this,
you know, co-parenting therapy

together.
I definitely want to be there to

support Kourtney and Scott, but
it's just kind of, like, their

thing, and I don't really get
involved.

All right, you ready?
You want to go take a pic?

MJ: Sure.
KIM: Do you want your cane?

MJ: Yeah, I got it. KIM: Okay.

MJ: Yeah. ♪ ♪

KRIS: Oh, my God, that's so
good.

PHOTOGRAPHER: That's great.
Great, great, great, beautiful.

I think she likes being a
blonde.

She looks good. (Laughter)

MJ: How cute.
You're looking nice.

KRIS: I'm just on a photo
sh**t, and I noticed I missed

your call. You okay?

SCOTT: Yeah, no, I'm fine,
but, you know, I've been going

to therapy with Kourtney,
regarding what we're doing about

the kids and meeting everyone,
and these things, right?

KRIS: Yeah.
SCOTT: We all agreed to wait

till after the New Year, so last
night, when we got home, the

kids were there, so of course,
they met my girlfriend.

Told Kourtney, and she just told
me, she goes, "You're a (bleep)"

joke, you're disgusting, you do
whatever the (bleep) you want,

you don't care," and I'm like,
"What?"

She goes, "We discussed with the
therapist that you were gonna"

wait, " and I said, " We discussed
with the therapist that we were

gonna wait till after the New
Year, and after the holiday."

KRIS: Yeah.
SCOTT: I put it in the

friendliest... and then, she just
att*cks me.

KRIS: I don't understand why
she can introduce her boyfriend

to the kids, but you can't
introduce your girlfriend.

You know, 'cause she's my
daughter, and I don't want to go

against her, but I see your
point, too, so I would just ask

her, like, why isn't it mutual?
SCOTT: You know her, she

never has any reason.
It's just whatever the (bleep)

she wants, or she this, she
that, and...

KRIS: Yeah.
All right, well, listen, I'm

gonna go finish up, and I love
you and I'll be home in a little

while.
SCOTT: Okay, I'll talk to you

later. ]] KRIS: Okay, ciao.

SCOTT: Okay, bye. KRIS: (bleep)

KIM: Kind of agree with Scott
on this one.

'Cause she's Kourtney, she's got
to be difficult.

KRIS: She is kind of
difficult these days.

KIM: Yeah.
KRIS: Like, it's just like

she's this little rebel.
KIM: Yep.

KRIS: You know?
KIM: My wrist kills.

We are snatched. KRIS: Oh, yeah.

♪ ♪

KIM: My wrists have just been
really hurting.

When I'm looking at my phone,
like, if I'm on it for a long

time, my thumbs start to get
numb.

HARRISON: So, any pain with
this?

KIM: Yes. HARRISON: Mm-hmm.

What about with this? KIM: Ish.

HARRISON: Yeah? What about that?

KIM: Yeah.
HARRISON: But here is a

problem.
You are definitely showing some

of the cardinal signs for carpal
tunnel.

I know, I'm just telling you the
truth.

How does it feel when you're
doing a selfie?

Do you feel any numbness or
tingling in your thumb, your

index finger or middle finger?
KIM: Yeah, I mean, if I hold

it up long enough, yeah.
HARRISON: You do feel it.

Okay, well, there's a term I
have for this, it's called

"selfie wrist."
I should call it "Kim Kardashian

"wrist," that's what I should
call it, because it's all of

this, that's it: It's too much.
KIM: So...

HARRISON: So your job are the
following: Minimizing the wrist

flexing like this, make sure you
wear the wrist splints at night,

then I want you to do these
exercises at home, these are

real simple.
KIM: Especially since I'm

this week, I
definitely need my hand to be

in, like, the best shape.
HARRISON: Light exercising.

Around the world.
Exactly, that's it.

times, each direction, twice
a day.

KIM: I'm not gonna lose
because of a wrist injury.

I have to hit that button.
HARRISON: Any other

questions? ]] KRIS: Nope.

HARRISON: Do you want some
water?

You're looking dehydrated to me.
Yeah.

KRIS: I look dehydrated?
HARRISON: You look

dehydrated. You want some water?

KRIS: I'm just... no, I
actually have some in the car,

I'm just really hungover.
I can barely hold my head up.

HARRISON (laughing): Okay.
KRIS: So...

HARRISON: You are so funny.
(laughter)

♪ ♪

(indistinct chatter)
KIM: Hey, guys.

CICI: Hey, Kim.
KIM: How are you?

KRIS: Wow, Khloe, this is so
beautiful.

Hi, Cici. ]] CICI: What's wrong?

Your tooth just came out?
KIM: No.

KHLOE: Need some dentures?
KIM: Okay, guys, so we are.

Family Feud game.

KRIS: Okay.
KIM: And we're gonna see who

can play, okay?
We are auditioning.

KRIS: I have to audition?
KHLOE: Uh-huh.

KRIS: In front of who?
CICI: Kim. She makes the

decision if you're on or off.
KIM: Are you guys ready?

Taping is coming
up, and we don't have our lineup

yet, so I'm auditioning the
family members.

We gotta see who we're playing
against to see.

The Hilton family would be
really funny.

KRIS: Oh, my God.
KIM: We should recommend

that. Okay, round one.

"Name a place where little kids
hide their money."

KHLOE: Pillow! KIM: Pillow.

KHLOE: Ah, I got number two.
CICI: Under the mattress.

KIM: Mattress. Yep.
CICI: Underwear drawer.

KIM: Oh, yep.
Okay, Cici is gonna be good at

this. Cici, you are good at it.

Guys, we need to name something
we'd need an appointment for.

Kourtney, what do you need an
appointment for?

(buzzer sounds) Kourtney?

KOURTNEY: A therapist.
KIM: She's so slow.

Your mom is so slow.
KOURTNEY: Kim just takes

everything so seriously, and I
truly don't want to be on the

team. KIM: Name something that

people fantasize about.
KRIS: Sex.

MASON: Oh, my God. CICI: Money!

KIM: Money, number one.
Becoming wealthy.

CICI: Hello?! KIM: Vacations?

KOURTNEY: Chonch is an MVP.
KRIS: Yeah, you really are.

KIM: Name an activity you can
do at any age.

KHLOE: That's a hard one.
KRIS: Shop?

(buzzer sounds)
KIM: Definitely, Mom, you've

got to get better at this.
They don't have shopping as an

activity. ]] KRIS: Oh, my God.

KIM: Ah, they b*at us on this
one.

MASON: They did? ]] KIM: Yep.

MASON: No!
KIM: All right, Cici is my

number one choice, so she might
actually stand right next to me.

I'm not sure how they run the
order.

KRIS: Oh, wow.
KIM: And then, I'm sure MJ

would love to do it.
So, my final team is gonna be

me, Khloe, Cici, and MJ.
And I guess, like, my mom.

KHLOE: Fillers.
KIM: Yeah, this is a filler

over here. CICI: She's a filler?

KIM: Yeah. ]] CICI: An extra?

KIM: Yeah.
All right, I gotta go.

CICI: What do you mean you
have to go?

KIM: I have to go inside and
play.

KRIS: She's gonna go
practice. (Laughs)

♪ ♪

KOURTNEY: The thought of my
kids being introduced to another

woman and having somebody else
in their lives, I think it's

hard for me and hard for them.
There's a lot going on for them,

and I know that it can be
confusing, and it just, you

know, makes me upset, especially
because we sat in front of a

therapist, we said what we
thought was best for the kids,

we felt like a lot of changes
have been made lately, and that

this wasn't the best time.
Do you want to go in the living

room?
Scott and I went to therapy

today for the first time since
he introduced the kids to his

girlfriend, but it's just hard
to go when I'm the only one

who's actually, you know, doing
what we speak about, and

following.
SCOTT: How do you feel like

today went?
KOURTNEY: It's, like, hard to

communicate in that way.
SCOTT: What, normal?

You were pretty annoying for a
little bit, but...

KOURTNEY: Why?
SCOTT: It was really sweet

when you told me that you allow
me to be friends with your

family. KOURTNEY: I'm saying be

appreciative of what you have.
SCOTT: Hey, you don't think

I'm extremely appreciative?
KOURTNEY: Not when you just

do whatever you want.
SCOTT: What's whatever I

want?
Live my life the exact same way

you're living it?
KOURTNEY: It's not... it's

called giving someone a
heads-up, and having a

respectful conversation, giving
someone the respect.

SCOTT: Sometimes, you want to
do certain things, or you map

out certain things, but they
don't always go as planned.

KOURTNEY: Yeah, but that
could also just be an excuse.

I make sacrifices all the time,
and you're not following through

with the things that you say
you're gonna do.

You just go and do whatever you
want and I'm not okay with it.

SCOTT: Do you think you're
difficult, or no?

KOURTNEY: No. ]] SCOTT: No?

KOURTNEY: No.
SCOTT: Do you think you're

overly controlling?
KOURTNEY: No.

SCOTT: Okay.
KOURTNEY: I did have to be,

with you, in our relationship.
SCOTT: Okay.

KOURTNEY: But...
SCOTT: Do you think there's

any chance that you could ever
be in denial about anything?

KOURTNEY: No.
SCOTT: Okay, I rest my case.

KOURTNEY: I expect a lot for
my kids, I want the best for

them.
SCOTT: I think you expect a

lot from a lot of people, but...
KOURTNEY: I do.

SCOTT: Not always, can your
expectations always be met...

KOURTNEY: I understand that.
SCOTT: Even though people

are trying their hardest to
please you.

KOURTNEY: And I understand
that I'm a perfectionist, and

whenever... SCOTT: Well, you're

something.
KOURTNEY: I'm actually... try

to not be controlling.
SCOTT: I will bet you $

billion there's not a human
being that you know that won't

go with what exactly I just
said.

Family Feud?

KRIS: We're supposed to play
in, like, hours, and the.

Hiltons pulled out.
KIM: Kanye's coming.

I don't know why he wouldn't,
like, just do it.

I got to jump ship, though.
(laughing): Yeah.

KRIS: When Kourtney gets
upset, she often responds the

same way I do, which isn't
pretty.

SCOTT: She just fires these
missiles at me.

KRIS: She's trying to cope.

SCOTT: I will bet you $
billion there's not a human

being that you know that won't
go with what exactly I just

said. Your own family, anybody.

There's not one person.
So you're in denial.

You want to go tell your
therapist this, be my guest.

KOURTNEY: Don't turn this
around on me.

You're not gonna paint me out to
be some way that I'm not.

We have rules.
Kids need rules, it's not hard.

It's not complicated.
SCOTT: It's not, you're

right. KOURTNEY: I'm not being

overly crazy.
SCOTT: But you're out of your

mind if you think I'm wrong.
KOURTNEY: When we agree to

something, you have to follow
it.

Scott knows that it gets to me
when he calls me controlling,

because he knows, like, that's
how I had to be, in the

relationship, but me being
controlling or not being

controlling has nothing to do
with what's going on here.

He just tries to get everyone on
his side and be... play the

victim.
And it's really not fair.

I've been doing pretty much
everything since day one, and if

you're not able to follow the
guidelines...

SCOTT: It ain't easy.
You're sick, girl.

Not controlling.

♪ ♪

KENDALL: You have the best
snacks.

KHLOE: Kendall, that Oreo
cake is probably amazing.

KENDALL: I don't really like
Oreos.

KHLOE: Kendall?
Okay, just have one bite.

KENDALL: I'm eating fruit
snacks.

KHLOE: MJ can't commit to
until Saturday, and

we're doing it on Saturday,
'cause she just doesn't know how

she feels. Family Feud

with us?
KIM: You should totally do

it.
It is... it's all I watch, every

night. KENDALL: Never seen it.

KIM: Kendall.
Like, oh, my God, I'm so

excited, if you were to do it.
KENDALL: Saturday?

KIM: Mm-hmm.
This would be so good for us, as

a family... that feuds.
KENDALL: I guess, yeah, I'll

do it, sure.
I just jump in when I know

something, right?
KIM: I mean, when it's your

turn, but you think about it.
KENDALL: It's a turn?

It's a turn?
Oh, my God, guys, I can't do

this.
KHLOE: Kendall, I'll give you

the answer.
KIM: Nothing to be scared of.

KENDALL: I'm standing next to
Khloe, so she can whisper things

to me. Like,

that's my dream of life.
KENDALL: Oh, my God.

I'm offended...
KIM: This is, like, the best

day of my life.
KENDALL: That I was added

last minute.
KIM: 'Cause we never thought

you'd want to do it.
We thought, never in a million

years would you want to do it.
KENDALL: No, I'm a little

nervous.
KHLOE: "Name an occupation"

that would be bad for someone
with claustrophobia."

KENDALL: Ooh.
KHLOE: Hurry up, she's gonna

b*at us. ]] KENDALL: Oh, name an

occupation... okay, um, uh,
tunnel digging, like, uh, what

is it called?
KHLOE: "Tunnel digging..."

KENDALL: No, no, no. So, uh...

KHLOE: Seven seconds!
KENDALL: Cave... cave...

KHLOE: Cave diver!
KENDALL: No, not...

Coal mining, that's what I'm
thinking.

(buzzer sounds)
KHLOE: Well, you said "cave"

"digging." ♪ ♪

KOURTNEY: Kim, when you sit
down, your butt looks so huge.

KRIS: That's not very nice.
KOURTNEY: She likes having a

big butt. ]] KIM: No, I don't.

I cry about it on the daily.
KRIS: No, she doesn't.

KHLOE: Oh, mine used to be.
I used to have the best ass.

The best ass.
KRIS: You still have the best

little booty.
KHLOE: Oh, it's not little.

(laughter)
KRIS: Should we talk about.

Family Feud? Family.

Feud?
KRIS: We're supposed to play

in, like, hours and the
Hiltons pulled out.

KOURTNEY: Why did they pull out?

KHLOE: 'Cause they were
probably scared 'cause we're so.

Family Feud.
KRIS: How great would it be

if Kanye played and had a team?
KIM: Kanye's coming.

I don't know why he wouldn't,
like, just do it.

I bet if I said, "Look, like,
you know, the other family"

pulled out..."
I got to jump ship, though, and

go on his team.
KRIS: Oh, no, no, no, no.

You're already on our team.
KIM: I know, but he

doesn't... he doesn't have a lot
of family here.

Who else, if we need another
team?

KHLOE: The whole purpose of was

for you.
KRIS: Yeah, me, too, and now

you're gonna jump to another
team?

KHLOE: And you were the best
one.

KIM: You know who would be
amazing is Jonathan.

KHLOE: Love Jonathan and all
but he's not a Kardashian, so

why on earth...
KIM: Well, I'm just, I'm

trying to help.
This is really hard.

No one's really interested.
Kylie won't do it.

Kourtney won't do it.
And Rob won't do it.

We're kind of out of family
members.

(line ringing) JONATHAN: Hello?

KRIS: Hey, Jonathan.
JONATHAN: Hey, Kris.

KRIS: So, we're sitting here
in a bit of a panic.

JONATHAN: What happened now?
When you say that, things

come to my head.
KRIS: I know, well, we were

suppos... we're-we're doing
like, tomorrow.

Like...
JONATHAN: Get out of here.

KRIS: Yes.
And the other family dropped

out at the last minute and now
Kim's gonna jump ship and...

KIM: So it could be, like,
the Kardashians versus the.

Wests, but now I have to be on
his team and now we're short a

player.
JONATHAN: Are you inviting me

to play?
KIM: Yes, but where are you?

KRIS: Yeah, where are you and
what are you doing tomorrow?

JONATHAN: Well, I'm actually
in Miami and I'm-I'm hosting

this... I'm, like, a judge in-in
this Burger Bash thing that Guy.

Fieri's hosting.
We're tasting, like, burgers.

KIM: Ew.
JONATHAN: That's what we do.

We're foodies.
KRIS: So, what time are you

done with eating your burgers?
JONATHAN: Uh, midnight.

That means I'd have to get on a
plane in the middle of the night

and come straight there.
KIM: That's possible.

JONATHAN: Well, if somebody
can find me a flight, I'll just

come with burgers inside of
me and get there.

KIM: Oh, my God, we so can
make it happen.

JONATHAN: Let me know.
KIM: Okay.

This is so perfect.
Kanye is, like, so good.

I definitely should go to the
West side.

Family just to lose again.

KHLOE: You were our team
captain.

KIM: Well, you guys, we need
to play.

We need to get it together.
It's just for fun.

KRIS: So, you guys who watch
every single day

and practice are gonna win.
KIM (laughing): Yeah.

KRIS: Jonathan!
Welcome to Los Angeles.

JONATHAN: Hi, guys.
KIM: Are you doing it or just

watching? ]] MJ: I don't know.

Is Jonathan coming?
KIM: Jonathan is here.

I love my grandma and in a
perfect world she should be on

the team.
Someone has to talk to Jonathan.

KHLOE: It's your friend.
KIM: I'm not doing that.

KANYE: No, Jonathan's a big boy.

KHLOE: It's such a
cluster (bleep).

Everyone's fighting.
There's real family feuds going.

Family Feud.

♪ ♪
KIM: Hey.

(Khloe scoffs)
KIM: "Ugh"? What's the "ugh"?

KHLOE: Oh, no... ]] KIM: Ugh.

KHLOE: Just 'cause your
sunglasses are on still.

I love when you do that.
KRIS: (clears throat)

How many weeks are you now?
KHLOE: I have weeks and

four days.
Dr. Peter said when I have

colostrum... what is that?
KRIS: Yeah.

KHLOE: That I'm allowed to
have a drink.

KRIS: Oh, %.
And a painkiller.

KHLOE: Yeah.
'Cause I mean, you just popped a

baby out of your puss.
They've got to give you

something to numb the pain.
(Kris laughs)

KIM: Ugh, my hand hurts.
I forgot my brace.

Paxy?
Will you come over here and

help me?
KHLOE: What are you having

her do?
KIM: The doctor said I can

only hold my phone like this.
Okay. Will you do a video?

KRIS: Kim.
What, you bring your own...

KIM: Yeah.
So I'm having Paxy take my pic

so I can rest my hands.
KRIS: Oh, my God.

KIM: Hey, guys, so tomorrow,
I am launching my Valentine's.

Day candy Kimoji Hearts perfume.
Check it out.

KRIS: What are you gonna do,
take Paxy with you wherever you

go? ]] KIM: Mm-hmm.

KRIS: That is crazy. KIM: Cute.

KHLOE: That one's good.
KRIS: Actually, I think Kim

might be on to something.
KIM: Doesn't that look like a

selfie? ]] KHLOE: Yeah.

KRIS: It'll protect Kim's
hand without missing a b*at on

social media.
Paxy should be on your payroll.

I'm definitely gonna poach Paxy
to be my selfie assistant.

KHLOE: You got a long-ass
arm, girl.

KRIS: Well, I hope you feel
better.

No one wants you out of
commission, missy.

KIM: 'Cause you don't want to
be out of commission yourself.

KRIS: That's right. Literally.

(Khloe laughs) ♪ ♪

KRIS: Do you think it's
possible to be addicted to

throat lozenges? SCOTT: (sighs)

So you're saying you're addicted
to sucking on something?

(Kris laughs)
Yeah, it could happen.

Remember I called you the other
day and I was just talking to

you about, like, Kourt and the
kids and everything and, like...

KRIS: Mm-hmm.
SCOTT: Yeah, whatever it was,

months ago, when her boyfriend
met the kids, she never told me

upfront. It was unexpected.

It was an accident.
And instead of getting angry, I

mean, I knew that was part of
life.

Then kids ended up meeting
without her knowing and this and

that and then she fires these
missiles at me and I was like,

"Listen, I'm trying to do the
best I can."

KRIS: Yeah.
I think she is trying to cope.

When Kourtney gets upset, she
often responds the same way I

do, which isn't pretty and I
think that when it comes to

one's kids, and you're the mom
and they live primarily with

her, you have a great deal of
control, everything's the way

you want it.
When... I remember when my kids

used to go to their dad's, it's
the hardest thing in the world

to surrender.
And being a mom is the biggest

job of your life.
SCOTT: Yeah. I get that now.

KRIS: It's the hardest thing
you'll ever do and it's the most

important thing you'll ever do.
And so, her response and her

reaction, although it was not
what you would've loved, you

just have to remember that it's
hard on everybody.

SCOTT: After talking to Kris,
I realize that she's been there

and she gets it more than
anybody.

My biggest mistake was not being
as clear as possible.

Should've told Kourtney exactly
what was happening.

And I do realize this is
something that can be hard for

somebody, but by no means was I
looking to make this any harder.

I truly don't want Kourtney to
hurt about anything.

KRIS: You know, it takes a
minute.

It took me five years after I
got divorced to really find a

happy place where everybody was
really settled and cool.

SCOTT: I think like you said,
it's just a transition and it

takes some time. ]] KRIS: Yeah.

SCOTT: And I feel like
there's gonna be little bumps in

the road, but we're getting
there.

KRIS: I'm really proud of you.

♪ ♪

KOURTNEY: I haven't been on a
horse in years.

KENDALL: Thank you.
INSTRUCTOR: One, two, three.

Jump. ]] KOURTNEY: Aah!

(laughter)
INSTRUCTOR: He'll go where

you want to go.
Just kind of think of your hands

and your legs as being the
railroad track.

She's doing well. Okay, ready?

MAN: Awesome.
KOURTNEY (laughing): Oh, my.

God, I feel like I'm gonna,
like, fall forward.

MAN: There you go.
INSTRUCTOR: Whoa!

MAN: Look at you. Good job.
KOURTNEY: Yay, Ken.

(laughter)
KENDALL: She's leaning so far

forward.
Kourtney, why are you leaning

forward?
KOURTNEY (laughing): I don't

know. Oh, my God.
KENDALL: That's hilarious.

(laughs)
INSTRUCTOR: Gently holding

onto the rein. Awesome.

You did it.
KOURTNEY: Bye, horse.

KENDALL: Thank you, guys.
INSTRUCTOR: You're so

welcome.
KENDALL: Do you want that

gray hair or do you want me to
get it for you?

KOURTNEY: Where?
KENDALL: Right here.

Literally right in front.
It's so gray.

KOURTNEY: Let me see.
Oh, it's this long?

KENDALL (laughing): Yeah.
KOURTNEY: Do you think it

just grew really fast or do you
think it's been there?

KENDALL (laughing): I think
it's been there.

Right? I don't think they grow
that fast.

KOURTNEY: I think it, maybe
it just grew overnight.

So, I just had therapy with
Scott.

KENDALL: Ooh, how was it?
KOURTNEY: It was good.

KENDALL: I like that you guys
still go.

KOURTNEY: It's, like, we have
to talk, like, really proper,

like, with this girl and be
like, "I feel..."

Or, like, instead of saying,
"Well, you did it because

"da-da-da," like, you can't do,
like, mind reading.

So I have to say, "I'm guessing
that you did this because blah",

blah, blah, blah."
Like, instead of just saying you

did it because whatever.
KENDALL: Has he brought her

around more?
KOURTNEY: I don't know.

I mean, he just apologized.
KENDALL: That's good.

KOURTNEY: I did see his side
a little bit 'cause I was like,

"I feel like you're doing things
selfishly."

And he's like, "I'm doing things
for myself, but also because it"

makes me happy and I'm putting
that onto the kids.

Like, they can know, and I don't
want to lie to them and I don't

want them to think that I'm
not being truthful about certain

"things." So...
KENDALL: Yeah. That makes

sense. ]] KOURTNEY: Yeah.

After our last fight, Scott and
I had another therapy session

and he apologized.
I'm not trying to control the

situation, you know.
That's just me being an involved

mother.
Ultimately, we're going to have

disagreements, but I think we do
a really amazing job of getting

along and working together and,
you know, trying to do our best

to really just put the kids
first.

♪ ♪

KHLOE: Kanye's family, with
his cousins, they think they

have this in the bag.
We're like, "(bleep) it."

Whatever."
SCOTT: Something wrong with

her hand?
KOURTNEY: She has carpal

tunnel. ]] SCOTT: Wow.

(Kim grunts)

♪ ♪
KRIS: Jonathan!

Welcome to Los Angeles.
JONATHAN: Hi, guys.

What's up? ]] KRIS: Mwah.

So happy you're here.
JONATHAN: I'm so happy to be

here.
Straight from Miami at : in

the morning. Wow.

KRIS: Kanye h*jacked my team.
JONATHAN: How did this

happen? So I am your...

KRIS: Yeah, you're my family.
JONATHAN: That's it.

KRIS: That's all I got left.
JONATHAN: Well, it's good

enough, trust me. KRIS: I know.

KIM: Are you doing it or just
watching?

MJ: I don't know.
Is Jonathan coming?

KIM: Jonathan is here.
KRIS: There's Pollyanna.

KHLOE: Mom, stop calling me
(bleep) Pollyanna.

I'm not (bleep) Pollyanna.
KRIS: Oh, my God.

The hormones have kicked in.
Full speed ahead.

CICI: Hi. ]] KANYE: Hi.

CICI: I'm so glad you're
here, but you took Kim off our

team. KANYE: You guys are still

gonna do good.
MJ: Hi. How are you?

I've missed you so much.
KANYE: You look great.

KIM: So, Jonathan came and
now my grandma's here.

I mean, the fact that he flew
all the way over here and that

my grandma showed up.
WOMAN: And she's, by the way,

glammed and looks amazing.
KIM: And the fact that she

spent all that time.
KANYE: I like it when the.

Family Feud.
That'd be, like, fresh.

KHLOE: Oh, there you are.
No, no, no. Excuse me.

I am so over both you two.
(whispering): Jonathan should

not be on our team.
KIM: I know, but we flew him

out, we flew him out.
KHLOE: But you were

"doll-hauling" to fly him out.
No one else was.

KIM: Because Mom couldn't get
ahold of Grandma.

KHLOE: That's just so lame.
KIM: I mean, I love my

grandma, obviously, and in a
perfect world, she should be on

the team, for sure, but how do I
break the news to Jonathan that

he's not gonna play when he just
got on a plane at the drop of a

dime?
I wouldn't waste someone's time

like that. Wait, you guys.

What do we do about Jonathan?
'Cause grandma's here.

TRACY: He's in hair and
makeup right now by the way.

KHLOE: I want... put grandma
in it; Tell Jonathan sorry.

TRACY: You can't add, like, a
sixth player?

CICI: It really hurt her
feelings.

She does want to play, but she's
saying she doesn't.

KIM: Okay, so someone has to
talk to Jonathan.

KHLOE: It's your friend.
KIM: And I'm not doing that.

KHLOE: It's such a
cluster (bleep).

Everyone's fighting.
There's real family feuds going.

Family Feud.
KIM: Let's go talk to Mom.

KENDALL: So it's gonna be Mom
first.

KHLOE: Wait, hold on.
We all think MJ should be on.

Family Feud.
This is the Kardashians, and she

wants to play.
She's saying she doesn't 'cause

she feels bad.
And Kim doesn't want to tell.

Jonathan, but, like, Jonathan's
not part of our family.

It's (bleep) weird.
KRIS: Jonathan just flew here

from Miami.
KHLOE: We don't care.

He's still here and we're fine.
KENDALL: So why isn't.

Jonathan on Kim's team?
KHLOE: Yeah, so if Kim wants

him, Kim should have him.
COREY: They're still missing

two players, by the way.
KRIS: Yeah, Jonathan should

be on your team.
KIM: Okay, but how do we tell

his cousins?
KRIS: Well, you just tell

them.
He flew here all the way from.

Miami.
You're the one who flew him

here. ]] COREY: I'll tell him.

KIM: No, no, no.
You tell... Wait.

I got to call Kanye in here.
Babe, babe, will you come

in here? KANYE: Yeah, hold up.

KRIS: Why doesn't someone...
KIM: So excited, she, like,

woke up early, got her hair and
makeup done.

KANYE: No, Jonathan's a big boy.

KRIS: Can't Jonathan be on
your team?

KANYE: No, we got enough people.

KRIS: I thought you were
missing two people.

KHLOE: Why can't you guys
just tell Jonathan he can't

play? Like, what's the big deal?

KIM: 'Cause he flew all the
way from Miami, got up at :

in the morning to come, and he
had an event.

No, he had an event today.
KRIS: She said she didn't

know if she would feel good
today or not, and it was a hit

or miss, and I said, "Well, we
can't have a hit or miss."

KANYE: Y'all look so fresh
with her.

She's so, like, regal and, like,
smart and, like, so fresh.

KIM: So we got to kick
someone off of your team.

KANYE: Why? For Jonathan?
KIM: Yeah. We flew him out.

KANYE: I love Jonathan.
I'm not finna kick one of my

family members off of TV they
first time on TV for Jonathan.

Jonathan get on TV all the time
and stuff.

KRIS: Why don't you go talk
to MJ, Kim?

KIM: 'Cause, Mom, I...
KHLOE: This is your thing.

KIM: No. This is your mother.
♪ ♪

CICI: Oh, hi.
KRIS: Where's my mom?

CICI: She's in the ladies room.

KRIS: Did you tell everybody
that her feelings were hurt

because she wasn't gonna do the
show?

CICI: No, I said...
KRIS: 'Cause we flew Jonathan

here from Miami in the middle of
the night, so why start this

this morning?
CICI: Well, 'cause they asked

me. ]] KRIS: Who asked you?

CICI: Kim.
She said, "I didn't know my"

grandma was here.
Why isn't she on the show?"

KRIS: Yeah, because nobody
knew she was coming, and then

she said she wanted to come
watch.

CICI: Listen, I just told the
truth.

KRIS: I know, but...
be a politician.

So are her feelings hurt?
CICI: Ask her.

KRIS: Mom! CICI: She says no.

KRIS: Well, then why would
you say they are?

CICI: 'Cause she's also said
they were.

KRIS: Okay, you said that you
didn't know if you were gonna

feel well or not today, so we
had to fly Jonathan in from.

Miami. No, I'm just saying.

I know, but I'm...
Now, Cici was saying that your

feelings were hurt.
MJ: No, I didn't.

KRIS: Because you weren't on
the show, and I just want to

make sure that we have this
right.

MJ: No, no.
That wasn't about Jonathan.

KRIS: We can't just tell...
a TV show with hundreds of

people.
MJ: I already have a lady

taking me to the audience.
KRIS: Kim created this mess,

and I have to clean it up.
Just another fire to put out.

(laughs) Oh, my God.
They're trying to figure it out.

They can tell Jonathan he can't
be on the show if you want to be

on it. MJ: No, Jonathan's fine.

Like I said, he's young and
he'll know all the answers.

KRIS: Can somebody go talk
to her?

WOMAN: Tracy?
KRIS: It has to be somebody

with a softer approach.
I'm being too direct.

TRACY: Do you want me to go
talk to her?

KRIS: Yeah.
TRACY: I'll get the final

answer. Hi, MJ.

Did you want to do it?
Are you doing it?

MJ: No, Jonathan's doing it.
TRACY: But the thing is, if

you want to do it...
MJ: No, no, I don't want to

take his place 'cause he had to
come a long ways.

TRACY: I think he'll be
totally fine and understand.

MJ: No, I would've loved to
have done it, but if Jonathan

came all that way, that's fine.
STEVE: Ideally, what do you

want to work out?
COREY: MJ just stand next to

you and... ]] STEVE: Who's MJ?

COREY: That's her mother.
STEVE: That's the grandma?

COREY: That's the boss.
KRIS: We flew somebody in

last night because we didn't
have a player, and now my mom is

like, "Well, what about me?"
And I'm like, "Oh, my God."

COREY: She really wants to
play, like, she thinks she was

playing.
TRACY: She doesn't want to be

in the way, but she does want...
I know she wants to play.

STEVE: Let me solve this
problem.

Let me get Gaby.
She's executive producer.

She's the only one who can solve
this problem.

KRIS: I mean, there's just
not even any words for how

ridiculous it is that Steve
Harvey then has to step in and

try to figure this mess out for
us, so that everybody's happy.

KIM: Jonathan, have you heard
the drama?

JONATHAN: Nothing.
What happened?

I was in hair and makeup.
I haven't even changed yet.

COREY: So we got this fixed.
So it's all done.

STEVE: We gonna put the
grandmother next to Kris.

They're gonna share a mic.
They can argue and discuss they

answers.
First time they've ever done

six, but y'all special, they
gonna make it happen for you.

KIM: They were about to kick
you off.

I really fought hard for you.
JONATHAN: I would've

literally, it would've been a
brawl in here after this hell.

KIM: Honestly, Steve Harvey
really came through and figured

this out for us.
The Kardashian side could have

six players.
Everyone can play, and I think

it still evens out.
Still a fair trade.

KENDALL: How much longer do
you think?

KHLOE: They're ready for us
as soon as we're ready, so

everyone use the restroom and do
what they got to do.

KRIS: Okay.
MAN: So nice to meet you.

WOMAN: Wait with me.
MAN: Right this way.

This way, you guys.
KIM: I think I can take on

the fact that that team has more
players, and I feel really

confident about my team.
I mean, it's me and Kanye for

sure.
We definitely are gonna win

this. ♪ ♪

MAN: Right this way.
Right this way, you guys.

(indistinct chatter)
KHLOE: The audience doesn't

know it's us. Family Feud!

Family Feud.
KENDALL: I'm so nervous

'cause I just say stupid things,
so I feel like I would blurt out

something stupid, and I don't, I
don't really watch the show, to

be honest, so I... yeah.
I just don't know how this whole

thing works.
ANNOUNCER: Are you ready,

Kardashians? (Audience cheering)

KHLOE: There's supposed to be
five people on each team.

We're the morons who have six
people now.

I don't even know what's going
on, just smile for the camera.

STEVE: I don't know if you
will ever see all of them

together again like this on the
show, but we got them right now.

KHLOE: Kanye, he's an expert
at Family Feud.

Him and Kim watch this every
night together.

KIM: Go! ]] KRIS: Uh-oh.

KHLOE: They study it, they
play this game.

STEVE: Name a reason you
think Steve Harvey's a good

kisser. ]] KANYE: Lips.

(bell rings)
KHLOE: And, of course, the

first round, we lost.
I don't want to look like a

moron. I came here for (bleep)

Kimberly, and now she's not even
on my team.

STEVE: If you had a wild
party, and everyone is naked,

name someone you'd hate to see
show up.

KENDALL: I hit the buzzer a
little bit slower, but...

KIM WALLACE: My dad.
KENDALL: Her answer just

wasn't as good as mine.
Donald Tr*mp.

(laughter)
KHLOE: Kendall is actually

really good.
Then the Kardashians pick up the

pace. STEVE: Name an animal with

spots. ]] CICI: A Dalmatian.

JONATHAN: What about a leopard?

KRIS: A cheetah?
At the end of the day, truth

prevails.
STEVE: This is for the win, a

cheetah. (Bell rings)

(audience cheers) KRIS: We won.

Yep, that'll show you, Kim.
(buzzer sounds)

KENDALL: You could've been on
the winning side, but you

left us.
KIM: Kanye's cousins sunk it

for us, not gonna lie.
KHLOE: Kim, that's what you

(bleep) get for leaving our
team.

Family Loser.

♪ ♪

REIGN: Watch, Mommy, watch.
KOURTNEY: Is this not the

cutest kid in the universe?
Where'd she come from?

SCOTT: Is something wrong
with her hand?

KOURTNEY: She has carpal tunnel.

SCOTT: From taking selfies?
KIM: Yeah. I have to do,

like, tons of exercises.
KOURTNEY: She had such a

problem that she was making
Paxy take the selfies.

SCOTT: Can't you put your
finger on the back?

KIM: No, the doctor just
says, like, this motion isn't

good, like, it should be more
pointed down.

Like a straight wrist.
SCOTT: That's not good for

business.
KIM: I know, so I got to do

what I got to do, so I'm just
doubling up on exercises, and

it's all good. I did it.

I limited taking selfies and
Snapchats, and my wrist really

was better.
KRIS: I still think you have

a bit of an obsession.
KIM: It's, like, legit how I

make my money, so you should be,
like, begging me to stay on.

KRIS: Get that money, honey.
Get it.

KIM: I'm, like, fully healed.
KOURTNEY: I'm gonna challenge

you, make you open a jar.
KIM: With my wrist?

I can open a jar.
KOURTNEY: Yeah. No.

KIM: I'll go get a jar of
pickles.

SCOTT: Can you get me a
kosher pickle?

REIGN: Fire.

(Kim grunts)
KOURTNEY: Does that hurt?

KIM: Mm-mm.
KOURTNEY: I think it does.

Maybe... % sure.

KIM: (grunting)
I (bleep) really can't do this.

KOURTNEY: You work out, like,
four days a week.

KIM: This is a problem.
(grunting)

I literally can't open it.
Oh, my God.

KOURTNEY: Let me see if...
I just want to see if I can open

it. ]] KIM: That is...

SCOTT: Sounds like you're
giving birth in here.

KIM: You couldn't either.
KOURTNEY: Hold on.

I'm very strong. (Grunting)
(laughs)

KIM: We cannot open this jar.
No, see if Scott can.

KOURTNEY: (grunting)
I'm stronger than Scott.

SCOTT: Let me see.

KIM: On the next episode...
What the (bleep) is going on?

KOURTNEY: We're doing a flash
mob.

We're gonna embarrass Kim.
KHLOE: Oh, my God.

CHOREOGRAPHER: Ah, da, ah,
boom, ah.

KOURTNEY: Wait, what?
Who's your guardian if something

happens to you? It's me, right?

KHLOE: I'm going back and
forth between Kourtney or Kim.

KRIS: You just have to think
where would I want my child

being raised?
KOURTNEY: Did you decide what

you're doing?
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