10x01 - The New Normal

[bunniefuu]

[Kim] Previously on…

Looking at the baddest [bleep] couple in the game.

I've been dating French for a few months now.

-[Khloé] Where are your shoes? -[French laughs]

I have so much fun with French, but he's definitely a tad bit crazy.

[laughs]

[Kim] Kanye and I got married in Italy, and now we want to add to the family.

We are actively trying to get pregnant.

[doctor] I wouldn't add any more chemicals or dr*gs to the system at this point.

Let them wear their way out.

I drank way too much, and I took way too many pills to be okay.

Thirty days away from the kids freaks me out.

I'm going to seek help and go to some kind of rehabilitation center.

[man] I'm glad you made it.

This is gonna be, like, a long road of figuring everything out.

[lively music]

-[Kourtney] Hi, Khlo! -You look so ghetto today.

Your hair doesn't go with your outfit. You're kind of Halloweeny.

What the [bleep] is up your ass today, you little rager?

I put a worm up there, just to make me lose a few pounds.

I would do anything to get… What is it, ringworm?

-[Kendall] Why? -Tapeworm.

-[Khloé] Tapeworm. -Can't you buy one?

Buy a tapeworm?

-And put it up your butt? -Wait. Khloé, why do you want tapeworm?

Do you know how skinny you get?

[Khloé] You don't need it, but have you seen what they look like?

I googled it to see if I could really have one. It's so sickening.

-Oh, my god. -Wait, why are you lying in bed?

-I'm really curious. -[Kim] I, um…

The doctor said, when I have sex, I have to lie down for like 10 to 20 minutes,

so I just had sex before you guys got here.

-[Khloé] Ew. -[Kendall] Nuh-uh!

-I swear. -Thanks for the info.

He said it takes ten minutes for a sperm to swim up there.

[Kim] Can we wait, like, five more minutes just for this to marinate inside of me?

[groans in disgust]

-Barf. -I would put your legs up to the bed.

-[Kourtney] That's what I did. -[whooping]

[chuckles]

[theme music]

[lively music]

-[wheels rattle] -[boings]

[Brian] Try stuff from the side.

Go like this, and then just look over your shoulder. Yeah, yeah.

[upbeat music]

[Brian] Shake your hair in your face a little too.

-Yeah. Good, right there. Gorgeous. -[camera shutter clicking]

If I get pregnant again soon, my body is gonna totally transform again,

so I'm doing this photo sh**t today, naked.

They look so good.

I just want to capture my body and have these photos to last forever.

Love you. Bye.

[Kim] I'm trying to stall for a few.

I'll tell them we're just putting body makeup on.

Was Kanye just here? I thought I saw him.

Yeah. I was like, "I'm ovulating today," so I made him come to my photo sh**t.

You didn't bone in a bathroom.

That's gross. You guys are disgusting.

You know what? I don't feel bad about that for one second.

There's only a 20% chance of getting pregnant every month.

I know that I'm ovulating right now,

so you got to get it in where you can get it in.

She goes, "I got to go to the bathroom." He follows her into the bathroom,

and like, ten minutes later, she comes out, he's gone.

She has the most beautiful glow on her face,

and like little bits of sweat dripping.

[Mario] And she goes, "I got to lay down for ten minutes."

And to think, if it doesn't work this month…

-It just happens. -I know. Maybe I'm just trying too hard.

I'm gonna use the restroom. Where is it that you had sex in there?

I had sex in the one outside, not this one.

Okay. Well, I'm gonna just pee in this one, not have sex.

[Brian] Can you hold up that light?

You want to lay down like this, flat, so you're sitting like this.

Yeah, just like that. Good. Right there.

[upbeat music]

Right there, right there. It's beautiful, beautiful. Gorgeous.

And then head up too. That's beautiful.

Good. Great.

[upbeat music continues]

[chill music]

-[Kourtney] Hey, Bruiser! -God, you pregnant little thing.

-[Kourtney] I know. -Oh, my god. What am I gonna do with you?

-Very, very pregnant. -[Bruce] Thanks for coming out.

Yeah. I love it out here. I know right where the pretzels are.

Mm-hmm.

Right where the helicopters are.

[Bruce] It has that homey kind of feeling. Let's go out on the back porch.

[Kourtney] Let's go.

Since my mom and Bruce have separated, and he's not around as much,

it's definitely more difficult to always keep in touch,

and figuring out how to all stay in each other's lives

is definitely going to be an ongoing thing.

-Brandon's here a lot. Leah's here a lot. -[Kourtney] Yeah.

Brody, not that much. We got to get the rest of the crew out here.

Sometimes, I feel so separated, you know?

The Kardashians over here, the Jenners over here.

Little me in the middle.

[Bruce] We got to keep the family going.

Living by myself out in Malibu has been, um, really good.

I kind of have my freedom. I've got a whole house to myself.

The tough part comes when sometimes, you know, it can get pretty lonely.

And not seeing the kids every day,

I certainly wish they would be spending more time out at my house.

-How about Mom? -She's good.

You know, I haven't really talked to her at all.

It's kind of surprising to me.

Even though the divorce papers have been signed and this and that,

and we're kind of both going our separate ways…

[inhales, exhales] …uh, doesn't mean I dislike her.

I know I love the peace and quiet out here.

-[Kourtney] Yeah. -But sometimes I miss a little bit of the…

drama.

Kris, at times, can be opinionated,

and I kind of enjoy being able to make my own decisions,

but Kris and I spent 24 years together every day all the time.

So, sometimes, it's a little tough.

[Bruce] Well, thanks for filling me in on everybody.

-I feel like I'm not an outsider. -You are not an outsider.

[sighs]

-And you are pregnant. -[Kourtney] Yep.

[upbeat music]

-[Faye] Hi, sweetheart. -How's it going?

-Good. I miss you. -[smooches]

Did you get any cuter? Mwah!

-I guess we can't have margaritas. -It's a little early for me.

-But it just seems so normal… -I know.

…when you're at a Mexican restaurant, to have tacos and tequila.

I feel like I live with my parents, Kim and Kanye…

-[Faye] You do. You do. -…who watch every move I make.

-Ooh, that looks so good. Thank you. -[server] There you go.

Do you know how hard it is, getting a divorce after 24 years of marriage?

That's crazy.

And to, like, let go of that, and to think my life is starting over…

It is.

And I'm feeling really guilty about wanting to do that.

You can't feel guilty. This is a new chapter for you.

-There's nothing to be guilty about. -Yeah.

So, let go of that. And Bruce is going to be fine.

-I remember the day we first met him. -Oh, my god.

-In the garage on Tower Lane. -[Kris] Yes.

Uh-huh.

-And you guys had a great life… -I know.

-…and had a great life. -Yeah, we did.

Now, it's time to have another one.

-And you need to not be guilty. -[Kris sighs]

Yeah.

You're at a really fun time in your life, honey.

-[Faye] I wish you would enjoy it… -Lighten up?

…lighten up, and just go with it.

Dating scares the [bleep] out of me.

It scares the [bleep] out of everybody.

[music sh*ts down]

[upbeat music]

-[Huang] You all set? -[Kim] Yup!

All righty! So, let's confirm that, uh, you've ovulated, okay?

-Okay. -[Huang] Okay. All right.

[Kim] And then, how soon would I see if I'm pregnant?

Uh, as soon as I see you've ovulated, it'll be about two weeks.

In two weeks, I want to hear some good news, okay?

I am so on a mission to get pregnant.

I just remember growing up being so close with my sisters,

so I want siblings for North.

Because it's been so tough, I'm seeing a fertility doctor

to see, like, exactly when I'm ovulating

and really increase my odds of getting pregnant naturally.

[Huang] First thing we're looking at is gonna be your uterus.

And this is where we wanna see another pregnancy sometime soon, okay?

It's measuring at 19 today.

Usually, when you ovulate, it's between that 17 to 20.

-So you're very close, okay? -[Kim] Okay.

-Get busy in the next couple days, okay? -[Kim] Okay.

'Cause the egg hasn't released yet, so it's on its way.

-If we have, like a lot of sex… -[Huang] Uh-huh.

-…and one of the sperm gets to that… -[Huang] Right.

…don't they say it could be a girl

unless you do it right when you're ovulating?

That's more kind of a myth than, uh, than reality.

[Kim] I had a psychic and a hairdresser that is psychic

tell me that it's gonna be a boy.

-I'll say it's 50/50. -[Kim] Yeah?

Okay?

[rock music]

[waves lapping]

-[Bruce] How's your house coming? -It's coming, slowly but surely.

[Bruce] Oh.

I gotta find a house. I get out of this place in June.

When are you gonna start looking?

I'd like to have about, you know, three months of buying the house,

and then living here and fixing that one up, you know?

-You got a phone call. -I got a phone call.

-"Eight-one-eight." -Eight-one-eight.

[Bruce] Well, hello!

[woman] Hi, how was your day?

My day's fine. I'm right here, talking to Kourtney.

Bruce gets a phone call,

and I notice that it's the phone number to one of my mom's really good friends.

I can't help but be, you know, really suspicious

about what's going on here.

It just all seems a little bit shady.

And where are you? At the…

[woman] Right now, I just got to my hotel.

[Bruce] All right, I'll call you in a little bit.

-[woman] Okay, love you, bye. -[Bruce] Bye.

[shady music]

[electronic dance music]

[Kim] I cannot wait to get my nails off.

I feel like I just can't function in the real world with long nails.

-I love long nails. They give me energy. -I feel like they must be dirty.

Like, how do you wipe yourself?

-If you have a baby-- -You learn how to do it.

[Kim] I can't type, 'cause they ruin everything.

You know you just type with the sides of your fingers.

If I have, like, a blemish or a pimple, I can't even, like, att*ck it.

You shouldn't have to pick your face, anyway.

I don't believe in that.

Oh, well, I look at you in a whole new light.

-[Khloé] You good over there, Chuck? -Mm-hmm. I went to see Bruce yesterday.

[Khloé] How was it?

[Kourtney] Good. We got caught up on life.

-[Kim] Really? -He said he's lonely out there.

-[Kourtney] He'd love for us to see him. -Yeah.

-But when I was there, um, [bleep] called. -[both] Stop.

Bruce answered and he goes, "Hey!"

And then, I could hear through the phone and she just said, "How was your day?"

I think it's just weird that Bruce hasn't mentioned anything to anyone

about talking to one of my mom's close friends.

It's hard enough already to keep a family together after divorce.

Throwing this into the mix, it could be hurtful.

This is just shady. Something's happening.

[bright music]

I walked into the sauna and this girl was laying there with her,

like, back flat, knees up, and you see full crotch.

You have to be naked. They make you take off your clothes.

It's, like, steaming hot vag*na in the room.

[Kourtney] Kim loves it.

-The vag*na steam? -The whole experience.

I like, uh, Korean spa. I've never been to a vag*na steam.

-[Kris] Hey, guys. -[Kourtney and Khloé] Hey, Mom!

-[Kris] Look what I just got. -[Khloé] It matches your red dress.

-[Kris] I have a cookbook, guys. -[Khloé] Are you so happy?

-Yeah, look how pretty the pictures are. -It's so cute.

[Kris] Look at Kourtney and Kimberly, standing in Tower Lane kitchen.

[Kim] Oh, my god, that is so cute.

That's my chicken soup. CiCi's Cheese Borags.

[Khloé] What? Auntie Dorothy's Armenian String Beans.

I tried to give a shout-out to everybody I love.

I thought it was cute that I did Bruce's meatloaf.

-[Khloé] Yeah, so cute. -Right?

-Don't know if he'll ever read it, but… -[Kourtney sucks teeth]

He told me you never come over, and that he still

-likes your company… -I never come over?

…and that you're a lot of fun, and he'd like to hang out with you.

Did he say that before or after [bleep] called?

[Kourtney] Before.

-[Kris] [bleep] called? -Yeah.

[tense music]

He just said, "Hey!" And then, she said, "Hey, how was your day?"

This is her friend. This is her ex-husband.

It would be weird for my mom not to know, but I feel so bad for her.

[Khloé] I know it has to be hard for you, but I think you're gonna be happier.

I know. But it doesn't make it any easier when you actually realize that it's over.

[dramatic music]

You can't just throw away 25 years and pretend like it didn't happen.

Like, he started a new life.

Yeah, it stings a little bit

if Bruce is gonna go hang out with my friends,

and not even mention it to me.

I said to him, "Do you want to come over and just walk through the house?"

And it really hurt my feelings,

because he didn't even want a picture of any of us.

At some point, you just want somebody to be a little sentimental.

Embrace this new chapter in your life. Embrace this new book in your life.

I know I have to move on, and I know it's the best thing, but it's still hard.

[upbeat music]

[caws]

[sighs] [Brandon] Back in Malibu. I love it.

Your birthday's the 28th, 28th of October.

Tuesday.

How are you feeling, by the way, about the single life? What's it like?

Pretty damn boring, to be honest with you. I'm at my house every night.

You're not, like, jumping with joy right now?

No. To run out and chase a little tail? Are you kidding me? I'm 65 years old!

-[Brody] So? -Why would I do that?

I know plenty of 65-year-olds that are crazy.

-This is my dream scenario, right now. -[Bruce] What's your dream scenario?

Bruce on the loose. Bruce on the loose, right now. Like, let's have a party.

Can we have a party at your house, then?

Seriously? Now that you're single, can we do a little Bruce on the loose party?

[cheers]

[Bruce] I think I'm in trouble with this one.

Uh, Brandon and Brody want to plan a party for me?

That scares me.

But I certainly know that they're doing it out of, you know, love for me,

and they want me to have a good time.

And I certainly so appreciate that, that, uh, whatever they do,

hey, I'll get through it, and it'll be a fun night.

Let's get the slugars. We get the slugars.

-What? -Slugar.

-You never heard of slugar? -[Bruce] No.

A slut and a cougar. That's perfect for the party.

Let's get this party going. Bruce on the loose.

-[Brandon] What would be fun for you? -Bruce on the loose! Bruce on the loose!

-Bruce on the loose! -Bruce on the loose!

Bruce on the loose! Bruce on the loose! Bruce on the loose!

-Okay, guys. Yeah. -[cackles]

[bright music]

[door opens]

-[Kim] Maliki-Deaky. -[Khloé] Are you kidding?

-[Malika] Hey, boo-boo-boo. -[Khloé] I've been waiting for you.

-I'm sorry. -[Khloé] You're really not that sorry.

You're kind of selfish.

-[Malika] Wude. Hi, angel. -How can you be mad at that person?

[smooches]

-I mean, just look at that face. -Can I show you something, Kim?

[Kim] I was so happy when you sent me that email about your closet.

-[Khloé] Stop judging me. -[Kim] Now we've got to go see it.

Where are you going?

[playful music]

[Kim] What are you doing?

[laughter]

You're like an animal. Oh, my god.

-[Khloé] You can't go. -Why?

-You're not cleaning out my closet. -I'm not…

-Yeah, it's ridiculous. -[coughing]

[laughter]

[Khloé] Out!

Out.

[Kim sighs] I just want to see.

[sighs] Love, this has gotta go.

Kim, out.

[Kim] You have some great memories, though.

Your backhanded compliments are great.

No, I mean, it's good to keep some things, you know, as memories.

-Okay, let's go to my room. -Oh, this room gives me hives anyway.

[lively music]

I love that you get to live your life by yourself at this time in your life

to have everything your taste.

-Wait, did you see this? -[Kim] What?

"Ready to move on."

"Bruce Jenner gets spruced up to take mystery brunette to Elton John concert."

-[Khloé] Oh, my god. -Who?

[bleep]

So I am online being nosey,

and, of course, I stumble upon pictures of Bruce

basically on a date with my mom's friend.

And it's frustrating because it doesn't look like

this is the first time they've hung out together,

and the fact that they have kept their relationship a secret,

there's something shady about it.

I just think it's so weird. Like, that was, like, Mom's best friend.

-They were just in Mexico together. -It's so weird. Here.

[Kim] This is bizarre.

Hearing about Bruce befriending one of my mom's friends is one thing,

but seeing him out on a date is just weird.

My mom deserves a little bit more respect than that.

I would go ballistic if there were photos of Bruce out with my best friend.

-Yeah. -And none of them told me.

-[Khloé] Yeah. -That's just weird.

It's a betrayal.

It's not okay.

Not okay.

[problematic music]

I would go ballistic if there were photos of Bruce out with my best friend.

-Yeah. -And none of them told me.

It's a betrayal.

Not okay.

I'm just irritated with how they're acting right now.

We heard that the boys are throwing Bruce a party.

[Kim] I mean, on top of everything else,

it's just kind of insensitive and kind of throwing it in my mom's face.

I mean, I think if everyone's throwing him a shindig,

we should throw K.J. a shindig,

to, like, let her know that we care, and that we're thinking about her.

-Totally. -Kris doesn't have good rhyming names.

Bruce on the loose.

Kris…

Kris takes a piss.

That's what I was thinking.

-Kris J. needs a lay. -Ew!

Yeah, Hawaiian theme. And let's get everyone gets a lei when they walk in.

We'll make it smell like Hawaii. It'll be gorgeous.

[chuckles]

It'll be so good.

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] How's that cookie?

[Kourtney] Not worth it.

-Would you like some pee pee on a platter? -[Kourtney] What is that?

These are ovulation sticks.

Ew! You need to put the thing on it after. It's so unsanitary, your way.

Relax. I… It was really hard to get…

You're not touching my face like that. Did you wash your hands?

-Smell. You can smell the soap. -[Khloé] No!

-[Kim] It's like a strong scent. -Deviated septum.

Okay.

[Kim] I'm about to ovulate,

so I buy every kind of ovulation stick imaginable

just to see exactly when I'm gonna be ovulating

and hope to really increase my odds.

-What's shaking in here? -Oh, Kim's giving us some…

Who's pregnant now? You can't be.

-[Kim] No, these are ovulation sticks. -[relieved sigh]

These are just to see when, so I could get…

She's the only person that could get pregnant while she's pregnant.

It says no. But it makes no sense.

The doctor says I'm ovulating right now.

But then, my period tracker says

I'm supposed to be ovulating in, like, a week.

-[Kim] It's one-- -What the [bleep] is a period tracker?

This is why it's not happening, 'cause you're too concerned.

It's so frustrating.

Kourtney just sneezes and gets pregnant.

Like, not everyone is like that.

It's gonna take work, and I have to work hard at it.

[Kim] What's going on with you and French?

-I kicked him out of the house. -No!

He goes, "You're so lucky people think that we broke up months ago."

What?

-When was that? -That was last night.

[Khloé] I dropped everything off today.

-[Kourtney] Where? -[Khloé] To his house.

French and I have decided to take a break.

[Khloé] I really just want to be responsible for me and my life,

and, you know, I don't know what tomorrow brings.

He is so dumb. I can't spend time with dumb people like that anymore.

-So please don't bring another dummy. -[Khloé] All right.

Will do.

[active music]

If I was on an all-soup diet, would I lose weight?

-Probably. -I think so.

-What would you have for breakfast? -I would have ice cream soup for dessert.

[chuckles]

-You okay, Kourt? -[Kourtney] Yeah.

I feel like Mom is more upset about…

I think she really is, like, really upset about [bleep].

I would be upset if Malika started talking to my ex-husband.

[Kourtney] Mm-hmm.

Does Mom talk to you about it? You live with her.

-I mean, not really. -CiCi went crazy about it.

I mean, sometimes she, you know, will just, like, cry and…

-[Kourtney] So sad. -I feel bad for her.

[Kim] Someone needs to stick up to him.

[Khloé] Kim, I think you should say something.

Bruce's relationship with his new friend

is incredibly disrespectful, but also, like, a little bit of, like, a betrayal.

I think at this point, one of us has to intervene and just be honest with him.

Do you see how she looks at him in those paparazzi pictures? How she stares at him?

-[Kourtney] No. -It's wild how she's looking at him.

I just don't get it.

[serious upbeat music]

[Bruce] Where's Kanye?

He has a fashion office in downtown LA now,

-so he goes there every morning. -[Bruce] Oh!

-Mom's in New York? -She is in New York on a book tour.

I'm gonna ask him about a pasta. I haven't had a good pasta in a while.

-[Bruce] I lead such a simple life. -You are so delusional.

My life is so simple, I go to the golf course.

-And an occasional concert? -[Bruce] I go back to the house…

-An occasional Elton John concert? -An occasional concert?

Were you bringing up the concert?

-Yeah, so you couldn't find anyone else? -Do you actually think I'm dating anybody?

I truly don't care what you're doing, but I do think that,

because she is my mom's friend, my mom is owed a conversation.

No matter what the circumstances are,

my mom sits, no joke, and cries about it at night.

-Oh, come on. -I swear to God.

-Oh, come on. Jeez. -Over how her friend can do this to her.

-So you don't believe my mom is sensitive? -[Bruce] Oh, please.

You just are so… you guys are so desensitized from each other,

you don't even believe that she could have some emotion over it.

I don't need to explain my relationship to anybody. Nothing's going on.

If I was talking to any other person, I would be going ballistic.

Certainly, my intentions are not to hurt Kris.

[Bruce] I don't want anybody upset,

but Kris is not gonna tell me who I can and cannot hang out with.

I can have any friend I want to have.

You have the right to do whatever you want to do,

but there are other people involved that's feelings are hurt.

My mom deserves the respect of a phone call.

[bright music]

KoKo!

-[Kim groans] -How are you?

Literally, I'm so exhausted.

-What have you been doing? -I've been having sex 500 times a day.

-[laughs] -[Khloé] How was lunch?

Oh, my god. Good old Bruiser.

[Kim] He was talking to me about whatever, and I was like,

hello, are we gonna discuss [bleep]?

He was just like, "You know nothing's going on. You know, you know."

It's not even… What did you say? It's not even about sexual anything.

-It's [bleep] shady. -[Malika] He may not be thinking about it.

There is a wound,

and when people are hurt, they don't always make the best decisions.

He could destroy his relationship with your mother over this.

[Kim] The fact that my mom was out of the loop is hurtful,

and I really, truly don't think he cares.

It's just annoying. Sacrebleu.

[screeches]

[upbeat music]

[Kourtney] Scott has an appearance here in Las Vegas.

He asked me to come and make a little trip out of it before I can't travel anymore,

and I'm excited.

-Hey, gosh! Hi! -Hi.

[screams]

-Are you half black? -What do you mean, am I half black?

Did you get a serious spray tan?

It's because you don't sit in the sun anymore.

-Have you been sunning? -[CiCi] It's Vegas, baby.

-[Scott] Is that real sun? -Yeah.

-[CiCi] No, I mean seriously. -[Kourtney] My stomach itches.

When the girl gave me a rubdown at the airport, I was like,

"Ah, that feels good, I'm itchy."

-[Scott] The security? -[Kourtney] Yeah.

-The Jenner side is here as well tonight. -Yes, I heard. Yeah.

Brody, Bruce, Brandon, Leah, and Brody's girlfriend, Kaitlynn.

-And Burt. -Really? He's here?

Bruce told me that he was also gonna be in Las Vegas with some of his boys,

so we invite them to dinner, just so we can see them and hang out.

We're all in the same city, so we might as well.

My concern was the new…

…chickadee.

-Oh, is she here? -He's got, he's got… with them.

-[Kourtney] What? -She's here with them.

[bleep] here with Bruce for sure.

You're such a liar.

[Scott cackles]

[nervous chuckle]

[upbeat music]

[indistinct chatter]

[Scott] The Bruiser! Bruiser!

-What's happening? -[Scott] How you doing?

[Leah] Nice to see you.

[Todd] Bro. Amazing.

[Scott] Brody! Don't you think your pops should come out with me tonight?

Try to score some tail? He's a single man!

Where's the tequila?

Hey! [claps]

[Scott] You know, since Bruce and Kris have broken up,

we don't really see Bruce nearly as much, or his kids,

so, you know, it's kind of nice for everybody to be able to catch up.

It's been a long time.

[Brody] Kim and Kanye.

I'm very happy for them, but do you think that they were really like,

"We have to have Brody and Kaitlynn there"?

"If they're not there, then this wedding is not gonna happen."

-Brod… Brody. -[Brody] Scott.

Nobody really gave a [bleep] if Kaitlynn or I… No, come on.

Oh, no, I mean I hate that you would take it that personal.

-Oh, yes. -[Scott] But I don't think…

Then he shows up at Reggie Bush's wedding.

Of course. Why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't I? I love Reggie.

Put Kanye and Reggie together

in a burning building, guess who I'm saving.

Reggie. Reggie all the way.

[Kourtney] Sometimes, when Brody has been drinking,

he can get a little sloppy, and the dinner starts getting a little bit awkward.

[Bruce] Well, we're leaving right now.

I'm going to bed, and I don't know what they're going to do.

[Burt] I don't mean to be totally weird,

but I don't think that I'm going to get to say bye to Rob and Khloé.

-What do you mean? -[Burt] Please just tell them I love them?

-[Kourtney] Yeah, of course. -I just… Anyway.

-It is what it is. Thank you. Be good. -[Kourtney] I will tell them that.

I honestly don't know what he's talking about.

"Say goodbye"?

I've known you for 25 years. Why would we say goodbye?

'Cause of the separa… divorce?

-Because of the divorce? -[Kourtney] Well, I don't know.

I talk to Bruce all the time. He's my kids' grandfather.

Yeah.

[serious music]

[Kris] Dinner, anyone?

-You don't spray Lysol by the pasta! -[spray hisses]

Well, she already sneezed and threw up in it.

-What? That's what you do now? -Yeah, Mom, that was insane.

-It was not insane. It's not near there. -[Khloé] Yes, it is!

[Kris] This is why I don't cook for you, Khloé.

Oh, my god.

Wait. What happened in Vegas?

I mean… it was overall a good trip.

Bruce was there and Brandon and Brody and Leah and Burt and everybody.

In the middle or the end of the dinner,

it just got, like, really, like, deep and heavy.

-"Deep and heavy"? -Deep and heavy.

Yeah, like Brody got a little…

frustrated about your wedding.

-Still? I didn't let Khloé bring a date. -[Khloé] Kim was right.

Kim didn't know if it was a girlfriend for five minutes

-or a girlfriend for five years. -[Kim] He just started dating her.

He had just started dating her when we sent the invitations out.

I don't know why Brody is still talking about this.

[Kim] We were very strict at our wedding.

Like, there was less than 200 people there.

Everyone else respected that.

It's not that big of a deal.

I… I don't know. And, then it just got like, like, there was teams, and all this…

You guys were actual siblings for a ton of years and share siblings.

-Twenty-three years. -[Scott] Right.

And Burt came up to Kourtney and was like,

"I really want to know if I'm gonna have time to say goodbye."

[perplexing music]

"Say goodbye"?

We love our stepbrothers.

It just seems like they are always talking about this divide.

No one ever said, just 'cause Bruce and your mom got separated,

that means everybody else can't talk.

Yeah. Why are they making it sides?

[ringing music]

[Kendall] Do you want to come to my birthday party?

Kendall, why wouldn't I want to come to your birthday party?

I don't know. 'Cause it's nothing special.

-Oh, my god, I'm there. -[Kendall] All right.

What else do I have to do with my life?

[Kendall] Are you going to Bruce on the Loose?

-[Khloé] I don't know. -I'm going.

-You are? -[Kendall] On the beach.

[Khloé] That's cool.

[Kendall] Yeah, doesn't that sound kind of fun?

Even though, right now, I don't think it's appropriate

that Kourt, Kim, or I go to the Bruce on the Loose party,

I'm not gonna express that to Kendall or Kylie.

That's their father. I don't ever want them to pick a side.

Are your eyes lighter? Your eyes look lighter today.

-[Kendall] Are they? I hope so. -[Kylie] They look so [bleep] brown.

-[chuckles] -[gasps]

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] Where should I put the leis?

I kind of figured, when you walk into the party, you get lei'd.

We also need to put this soil in that pot.

We should've got dressed after we set up.

Yeah, we should've worn something else to do this.

Kim and I are really scrambling and running around just trying

to get this "Kris J. needs a lei" party thrown together.

It's not good that there's torch fuel everywhere that you're spilling.

I don't know how to do this.

We should've invited people, like Lisa Miles. Should I text her?

It was supposed to have, you know, all my mom's girlfriends,

and one of us dropped the ball. So it's just a family dinner.

-K.J.! -We're here!

[Kris] What is going on out here?

[Kim] This is the "Kris J. needs a lei" party.

[Hawaiian music]

You guys… Are you guys serious? [chuckles]

This is really very funny.

Everyone needs a lei, especially Kris J.

Is this, like, my single ladies party?

I've definitely been going through a very sad period of my life.

Are we smiling or no smiles?

You could smile.

And I love that the girls got together to cheer me up.

-[Kris] This is so funny. -[Kourtney] Go, Mom, go!

Yeah. This is actually a pretty good exercise.

-Come on, Khloé. -Your legs look good, Mom.

[Khloé] Wait, what? Look, Mase! Come dance with us.

-Oh, yeah, guys. -We look like idiots.

-[dancers] No, no. -[laughs]

-[Kris] Well, that was wild. -[Khloé] Kendall, you little whore!

[Kendall grunts]

[Kendall laughs]

Stop! Ow! Ow! My legs.

[Khloé] Listen, you Daddy long leg. You're going in there. We're so close.

-[water splashes] -[laughter]

Stop! You're, like, going…

[squeals]

All right, bye, Kendall.

Thank you, guys, for the amazing party and the leis.

[Kim] We were gonna invite your friends. I don't know what happened.

[Khloé] Those were our only guests, were the dancers.

-Those are our only guests? -Yeah, the dancers.

As sweet as this is, I look around, and it's a reality check

when you realize that the guys aren't here,

and I miss that.

-[Kourtney] That looks so good. -[Bruce] To family!

[Scott] To family.

It makes me miss what we used to have.

Okay. I'm gonna go.

I have a book signing in an hour and a half. Thanks for my party.

[Khloé] Love you. You're welcome.

[merry music]

-Hello! -Hey!

-Bruce on the loose. -Hey! On the loose.

Hey, we made it!

Bruce, your stripper is here. Take it off!

Where's the fire dancers and all the whipped cream?

I bet you for enough money, we could probably get you to strip, huh?

-Definitely. -That's what I thought.

Just give me a few more beers.

I got old friends here, I got new friends, and I appreciate you coming out.

It's been a nice night on the beach.

[cheering, clapping]

-Take it off! -On the beach in Malibu!

[Bruce] I don't know about you, but I'm getting hungry.

Yeah, I am too. Let's get some food.

Guys night. We can start with the brownies.

This is a pretty tame party for Bruce on the loose.

So, yeah, at first, well, we like it that way.

-Whoa! -[grunts]

-Not very graceful, but… -[laughter]

I was telling Bruce that he kind of got off easy,

because I thought this party was gonna be, like, strippers everywhere.

We should.

That's just embarrassing, because I always feel sorry for the girls.

-Is anyone else coming? -Oh, with the family? I don't know.

Kylie was supposed to come, but she probably won't show up.

[dramatic music]

I just want, honestly, I just wanted everybody to get together.

I certainly would've hoped that more of the kids came.

I mean, the only one that really showed up is Kendall. I guess things have changed.

[upbeat music]

-[Bruce] Hey, Kim. -Yeah?

-Is Mom around? -[Kim] Uh, yeah, why?

But first of all, why are you wearing two different shoes?

-[Kim] That is ridiculous. -Well, they are, but they're so close.

-Actually, I think they're kind of cool. -Were you out in public like that?

Yeah.

Bruce, you cannot wear these. Like, you just can't.

-[Kim] You need your glasses. -[Bruce] It's cool, yeah?

-[Kim] No, it's not. Mom, all right. -Um…

I want to talk to Mom about this stupid dating stuff.

It's just ridiculous. Some stupid tabloids.

[Kim] It's not the tabloids. It's what you're doing.

Bruce is here. He wanted to talk to you.

-Where is he? -He's in the TV room or in the kitchen.

Not in the mood for another confrontation.

[Bruce] Hola.

[tongue clicks] What brings you here?

I'm just so sick and tired of all these tabloid people

saying that I'm dating people…

-Take out the word dating. -I can have friends,

and nobody can tell me who my friends can be.

You can pick your friends, you can have that friend,

but there isn't anybody that would think that this is okay.

It's shady, Bruce.

What's shady? I have not tried to hide anybody. I've not done anything.

All you care about is brushing it under the rug

and continually saying, "Oh, it's okay, it's okay."

Because it's okay with you, and your needs are being met.

You don't care about the hurt feelings you leave along the way.

-And a lot of us have hurt feelings. -Nobody's leaving any hurt feelings.

This is your problem, not mine.

Exactly. That's exactly how you look at this whole thing.

[Kris] It's my problem, not yours. As long as you're okay.

You didn't take into consideration any of our feelings

and how this would affect us, and you're kind of an ass [bleep].

You didn't take into consideration any of our feelings

and how this would affect us, and you're kind of an ass [bleep].

I'm sorry. That's the way I feel.

Okay. All right.

Well, I… [exhales]

I'm sorry if I made you feel bad. That was not my intention.

I…

There was nothing mean, you know, in my heart.

Sorry.

Bruce was my best friend for a very long time,

and I guess I expected a little more communication and respect,

but we're both living our separate lives now.

And the growing pains of moving on are tricky,

but we'll get through it.

[Kim] You are so stubborn and annoying.

I would die if I was married to you.

-Like, die. -"Die"?

-Like, seriously. I could not handle it. -Yeah.

I would die if I was married to me.

[merry music]

-[Kylie] Father! -Kylie. Don't you look cute?

Kendall's the only one that ended up going to Bruce's party,

and my sisters and I, we do feel bad about it,

so we're taking him to a really nice, beautiful lunch in Malibu.

[Bruce] And there's Kimmy. Everybody's showing up.

I just got my period today, so I'm not pregnant this month,

and I'm really upset, 'cause I really tried really hard.

[Kourtney] Aww, I'm sorry.

It's, like, so frustrating.

[Kim] I'm exhausted,

and I think I'm just making this all about the wrong things.

Like, I'm forcing it.

So we just need to relax, we just need to not stress it,

not plan so much and just go with the flow.

-[Bruce] You're almost done with school. -Which is so exciting.

[laughter]

It's so good to have all my girls here.

I just want all of you to know how much I've loved having all you guys in my life.

I've learned a lot from you. Hopefully, I've taught you a lot.

But, uh, it has been my honor.

-[Khloé] Thank you, Brucey. Thank you. -Aww, Daddy.

-We love having you in our lives. -[Kim] It's so nice.

And, uh, it just means an awful lot to me.

Even though my mom and Bruce are divorced now,

he's still our dad, and we love him.

Jump into my arms. [yells]

Give it to him. [bleep] you guys. Hey.

[Bruce] About two weeks before your dad passed away,

I told him I would always be there for you kids.

I think we just have to, you know, get used to our new normal

and figure out what our new family dynamic is,

and we'll all figure it out, and it'll all be fine.

But it's gonna take a minute just to adjust.

[Kylie] Well, to the next 25 years.

[happy music]

[cackles]

[Kim] This season on Keeping Up with the Kardashians…

Spread them wide, spread them long, like you're at the gynecologist.

-I'll go in there like a lawn mower. What? -Ow!

-Pretty big night. -Yeah, I'm excited.

-These are really nice. -Kendall's whole world is gonna change.

I just want to welcome you guys all to Kourtney's baby shower.

Are we gonna narrow down who's in the delivery room?

I almost just don't want to tell anybody.

-Welcome to the Dash retreat. -[screaming]

-Go, go, go, go, go! -Come on, Kim, let's go.

There's been a lot of theft at the store. We have to figure out what's going on.

-[man 1] We got nine cameras set up. -[man 2] We've got a big problem.

Your mother's going through a lot.

-I do feel like she's lonely. -She just needs a mature, normal guy.

[Khloé] His name is Corey. He's really cool and nice.

-I swear, I thought I heard moaning. -He's younger than Kim and Kourtney.

I wanted to see if you guys are gonna be in my video game.

-[hums] -This is a "cease and desist."

-[Kim] Who is that from? -Kourtney Kardashian.

-Four cars for you. -[Scott] They're not mine.

He was wiring money from one account to another.

-So shady. -Now I'm gonna look like an ass [bleep].

Kylie keeps running from all of us. Kendall's acting the same way.

Do you think we need therapy?

I really don't think you know me anymore.

I'm not buying her a [bleep] pair of shoes. I bought her a [bleep] career.

I'm really, really worried about Rob.

A friend of mine told me about a private interventionist.

Do you really think he would listen to anyone?

Just accept the [bleep] help.

Kanye and I might have to look into, like, having a surrogate.

-Can I still get pregnant? -[Huang] I can't guarantee that.

-I'm gonna do everything I can. -[Kim] My last resort.

I just want to carry my own children.