06x06 - An Ugly Car, an Affair and Some Kickass Football

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Young Sheldon...

Sounds like I'm done here.

- It's probably that coach from Carthage.
- Actually,

- I got offered the job.
- Wayne.

Morning, George.

- I quit.
- Come on.

Is there a chance I keep my job?

No.

Then at least let me
leave on my own terms.

All right.

All right, almost there.

I don't know about this.

The last surprise you got
me is pressing on my bladder.

Surprise.

You got me an ugly car?

No, I bought me a family car.

What about your Mustang?

I traded it in.

For this?

That's what the guy at the lot said.

(scoffs) But you love that Mustang.

Yeah, but there was no way

I was gonna get a baby seat in the back.

Well, that's very thoughtful.

And these things are real
safe, too. My mom has one.

When I was little, she hit
an ice cream truck with it.

I didn't even wake up.

Is this a bad time to tell you

I only liked you for your cool car?

You say that now, but wait till

you see how many groceries we can get

in the back of this thing.

I can't believe you did this.

It's a no-brainer.

I want to keep our kid safe.

Thank you.

Hm. That was interesting.

Oh, grow up.

Grow up?

I bought a car that seats .

(laughing)

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

It's so nice that you're
joining us for dinner.

Please don't make a big deal out of it.

I just said it was nice.

You said so nice.

I'm sorry.

(chuckles softly) It's fine.

Niblingo, I have a question.

Niblingo?

He made it up.

I coined it because there was no word

to denote the unmarried
mother of our niece or nephew.

Sheldon, that sounds rude.

Do you have a better word for

the unmarried mother
of a niece or nephew?

(exhales) I'm not sure we need one.

I think it's sweet.

Kind of.

Uh, what's your question?

Thanks, Niblingo.

I've heard that pregnant women

eat for two. Does that mean

that you need two full-size portions?

I guess Dad's pregnant then.

One portion should be fine,

considering the baby's
the size of a golf ball.

Actually, according to my calculations,

the baby's the size of a bell pepper.

Although I could be off.

When was your last menstruation?

You do not need to answer that.

I was not going to.

I'm real sorry about them.

Wh... I didn't say anything wrong.

Neither did I.

You were being overly nice.

It made everybody uncomfortable.

(phone rings)

Who's calling during dinner?

You know, twins run in our family.

It's not twins.

That's too bad.

It would double your chances
of having a remarkable child.

Like me.

Or a child that people like.

Just eat your dinner.

Are you gonna find out the sex?

- Yes.
- No.

No?

I want to be surprised.

I don't like surprises.

What about the baby shower?
People are gonna want to know.

Oh, yeah. We got to have a baby shower.

Remind me what a baby shower is.

(whispers): I got to go.

Everything okay?

That was Petersen.

Something's going on with Wayne.

- What's that mean?
- I don't know.

Doesn't sound good.

Did you know the modern baby shower

has history that goes
back to ancient Egyptian

and Greek civilizations?

Remarkable.

What's going on?

I don't know. He
didn't show up for work.

I heard he was here.

- What's that about?
- I don't know.

WILKINS: Go away.

Wayne, it's George. Open up.

WILKINS: I said go away.

If you don't let us in...

Tom here says he's gonna
knock the door down.

Why you got to...

Want a drink?

I got vodka and root beer.

Ugh.

Wayne, what's going on?

My life is a lie.

- (whispers): Gay?
- I don't know.

We're gonna need more than that.

My marriage.

My beautiful marriage... it's-it's over.

You and Darlene? No.

You two are the happiest couple I know.

I mean, wh... whatever's going on,

it'll blow over.

She's cheating on me.

You sure?

Oh, man. I'm sorry, that's terrible.

With my best friend.

That's even more terrible.

She was my world.

Well there's no reason
to throw in the towel.

I mean, you can still get her back.

She's having his baby.

Well... Say something.

What do you say to that?

You really never suspected anything?

- That's what you say?
- You had nothing.

Wayne, buddy, uh...

Uh...

No, I-I know it seems bad now,

which it is.

Which is why it seems that way.

Oh, my God.

Just... Just leave me alone.

Y'all can't fix this.

What do you want to do?

Oh, I don't know. We
can't leave him here.

Let's take him to your place.

- I can't do that.
- Why not?

If I took in every teacher
with marital problems,

my apartment would
look like a firehouse.

Fine.

Wayne, grab your pants.
You're coming with me.

I don't want to be around
you and your happy family.

Happy? Uh, couple days with us

and you'll be glad that kid

ain't yours.

Let's go. Pants.

Well, thanks again. That was fun.

Really? Dinner with my family?

My family won't talk to me at all.

So, I'll take "niblingo" and
a home-cooked meal any day.

Well, you're always welcome.

I think there's ice
cream in the freezer,

if you want to come in.

I mean, I'm gonna eat
it, but you can watch.

Thanks, but I got to get to work.

It's a laundromat.

Doesn't it kind of run on its own?

(chiming)

You'd think that,

but there's a lot of technical issues...

Lint and such.

Okay. Good night.

Good night.

Look at me.

Just chipping away at the ice.

(snoring)

Well, this is a wrinkle.

Missy. Missy.

MISSY: What?

An issue of social protocol has arisen,

and I need your input.

(snoring)

(whispers): What's he doing here?

I don't know.

But more importantly, would it
be rude if I watch television?

MISSY (whispers): Mom.

- Mom.
- What?

Why is Coach Wilkins
asleep on the couch?

No, the question is can I watch TV

with Coach Wilkins asleep on the couch?

It's a subtle but important difference.

Get out.

Oh, hey, Tom.

How's he doing?

- Still sleeping it off.
- Mm-hmm.

- Morning, Tom.
- Mary.

I just can't believe
Darlene would do that to him.

Yeah, just...

Right before the big game Friday night.

Think he can pull
himself together by then?

How would I know?

Really? A man's life is coming apart

and you're worried
about a football game?

Well, yeah.

Can we take this outside?

Do you mind?

I don't mind.

- Do you mind?
- I don't mind.

We don't mind.

Oh, listen, George, I
really need your help here.

What do you expect me to do?

I don't know. Get him coaching again.

You gave him my job.
This is your problem.

- Well, you quit.
- You were gonna fire me.

But you quit first.

Can we please just focus on Wayne?

I'm begging you, George.

You know what a big deal this game is.

Don't know what the
hell I'm supposed to do.

Okay.

Thank you. I owe you one.

I'm not doing this for you,

I'm doing it for the kids on that team.

- What about Wayne?
- What about him?

And Wayne.

I had Georgie go get
your car from the motel.

Thanks.

Trust me, going back to
work is just what you need.

One thing you got to remember,

this story ain't over.

We don't know how it's gonna end.

The only person that
can decide that is you.

You are the hero of your story.

You take the action. You call the sh*ts.

You decide your destiny.

That's the same speech
you gave at halftime

when we were getting our
nuts crushed by Nacogdoches.

And you remember what happened?
We came back and won that game.

After their quarterback
dislocated his shoulder.

You're not even trying, Wayne.

I am, you're not.

Ms. McAllister,

we don't have any insurance
information on file for you.

Oh, that's all right.
We'll be paying in cash.

Cash?

In God we trust.

You always carry that much cash around?

Do you think there's
just boobs in this bra?

(chuckling)

No, I mean, why?

(chiming)

Well, the laundromat's a cash business.

That's mostly just
quarters, though, isn't it?

Uh, yeah, but, well, now
we've got the video store,

and I'm not real big on banks.

Because you lived
through the Depression?

Yeah. (laughs)

All right, everyone.
Pencils out, books away.

Let's get ready to take this test.

Mrs. Wilkins?

Are you sure you want us
to take this test today?

Why wouldn't I?

Well, you know,

with everything you're going through?

Okay, we got your playbook,

we got your practice plan, and

you, sir, are ready to
coach some kick-ass football.

Thanks, George.

I really appreciate

everything you've done for me.

Coming back to work
was just what I needed.

- (phone ringing)
- Happy to help.

Coach Wilkins.

DARLENE: What the hell
did you tell Missy Cooper?!

I'll give you some privacy.

Over in this aisle we've
got your new releases.

Here are your action and adventures...

Your Stallones, your Schwarzeneggers,

your Van Dammes,

and of course we have a
whole row of chick flicks,

known in the movie biz as rom-coms.

Do not enter?

- What's back there?
- Oh, that? That's just

some storage and a bunch of machines

that rewind the tapes
when people are not kind

and don't rewind.

Very cool.

Hey, if you ever need any
help behind the cash register,

I'd sure rather be
working here than being

- on my feet all day at the diner.
- Mm, no.

No, you don't want to do that.

You're such a good waitress.

It'd be a waste of your talent.

Hey, Georgie.

Officer Rutledge.

Congratulations on your
expanding business empire.

Thank you. Very kind.

Hey there, Jake.

Hey, Connie.

I was just telling your grandson here

how much I love the new place.

Mandy, let me show you the kids section.

Got all the Looney Tunes,
Flintstones, Fraggle Rock.

(Meemaw and Jake speaking indistinctly)

What's going on?

Nothing. Just figured
we're having a kid,

we should be familiar with the genre.

Well, thanks for dropping by.

We need to renegotiate our arrangement.

Uh, and we will talk about that soon.

Meanwhile...

Grab some Red Vines. Show of good faith.

You wouldn't think it about Jake, but...

(chuckles) he just loves a foreign film.

Just stop it, okay?

- I know what's going on here.
- You do?

That creepy cop, that trip to Mexico,

all that cash in your bra.

(whispers): Y'all are selling dr*gs.

We're not selling dr*gs.

So you're telling me
there's nothing weird

going on back there?

Oh, I didn't say that.

Let's take a walk.

Try and keep an open mind.

(slot machines chiming)

Oh, my God.

See? Not dr*gs.

And that is the sound

of a % house advantage.

Is it legal?

- Yes.
- No.

- Kind of.
- K... Kind of.

So, the police are in on it.

A little bit, yeah.

Silent partner, as they say.

I know it's a lot.

It's amazing. (chuckles)

It is?

My kid's going to private school.

You're going to private school!

(exclaims)

All right, everybody. Great practice.

Let's gather round, take a knee.

All right, Coach. They're all yours.

Thank you, George.

Look at you guys.

Young, strong,

all your hopes and
dreams in front of you.

None of you have any idea

of what's out there waiting for you.

Wayne, where you going with it?

A team requires trust.

Sure, you can

count on your teammates
when the ball is snapped.

But can you count on them

when they're away at
a teachers conference

with the woman you were
gonna spend your life with?

Hmm?

Okay.

"Team" on three.

(TV playing indistinctly)

I will not submit to the procedures.

That's Commander Data.

He's an android, but
he aspires to be human.

Which, if you ask me,

is a step in the wrong direction.

PICARD: I understand your objection.

I don't know how he's gonna
coach the game on Friday night.

Poor man.

Can you believe his marriage

- falling apart like that?
- I know.

If it was gonna happen to
anybody, you'd think it'd be us.

Ain't that the truth.

(chuckles)

Saw your wife today.

I heard.

You're smart to stay
here. She seems pretty mad.

- (crowd clamoring)
- (players grunting)

(whistle blows)

Okay, Wayne, we got the ball back,

what do you want to do?

k*ll myself.

Come on, buddy, help me out here.

I can't, George.

I just can't.

Okay.

All right. Stevens!

Come on. All right, listen up.

All right, we're gonna run
the ball the rest of the game.

Okay? Two hands.

- Nothing fancy. All right?
- Yes, Coach.

Let them pass, let them turn it over.

- (whistle blows)
- All right? Go.

Hey, I brought some pizza home, come on.

Can't.

Sheldon, there ain't no leaks.

There might be. I can't risk it.

You want me to bring
you a slice in here?

What about crumbs?

Crumbs attract bugs. Bugs bring disease.

(sighs) Give me the bucket.

I'll watch for leaks while you go eat.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Okay.

But keep an eye above the computer,

that's the heart of my whole operation.

Got it.

- And the train set.
- Go eat.

Sheldon, where's your brother?

He's in my room. Don't distract him.

- Hey.
- Hey.

What are you doing?

I'm on leak patrol.

What?

I'm babysitting and it's the only way

I can get my brother to eat.

What's up?

(sighs) I just wanted to thank you

for how wonderful you've been.

- Oh, good, you noticed.
- (chuckles)

(exhales)

I noticed.

Status report?

Dry as a bone.

So, I have time for a second slice?

Go nuts.

Copy.

If our kid's weird, I'm ready.

ANNOUNCER: Final score,
Medford , Tyler .

(cheering)

George!

(whooping)

Congratulations.

Thanks, Tom.

Feel like doing this again next week?

What are you saying?

I'm saying you got your job back.

If you want it.

What about Wayne?

What about him?

He's got to be part of the deal.

Don't you have enough to worry about?

He's my friend.

And if I want him out of
my house, he needs a job.

Your call.

Thanks, Tom.

You bet.

Hey! What...

That's for f*ring me.

You quit!

(birds chirping)

MEEMAW: Morning.

Oh.

You're up early.

You were out late.

Uh, yeah. I was just, uh...

I know where you were.

Okay.

Do we need to talk about this?

I'm happy to just enjoy the awkwardness.

(exhales) Great. Well...

I'm gonna go.

And I'm gonna watch you.