02x06 - Testimonials

[bunniefuu]

Shannon Ross, membership

number 58673297.

Yep, I can hold.

Bummer.

Whatever. I'm calling roadside.

Just change it.

Uh, that's why I pay for roadside.

Okay, great. And how long will that be?

Mm-hm. That's perfect.

Thank you.

My business is very important to them

and they'll have a driver to

me as soon as one is available.

Seriously, Shannon, just

It'll take 10 minutes.

Pop the trunk.

Really? Well, that's very nice of you.

Look at that. You even got a blanket.

All right.

Take off the hubcap.

- Oh, you want me to

- Take off the hubcap.

Okay.

Like

There you go!

Woo!

All right, now find the two notches

underneath the frame

and put this under there.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah.

Teach a man to fish, or in this case,

teach a capable woman

to, you know, be capable.

I'm capable of many things.

Can you play the ukulele?

Oh, you might wanna loosen off the nuts

before you jack up the car.

It'll make your life a little easier.

And I play the guitar.

Not the same. 'Kay, pass me that wrench.

There you go.

I can also drive a snowmobile.

Does that surprise you?

And I ate a cricket once.

It tasted very cashew-y.

Plus, I bet you haven't won

branch manager of the year

three years in a row at Canada's

8th largest car rental agency.

And, uh, you still can't change a tire?

I also know a little

bit of stage combat so

Try stepping on it.

Yes, in your face!

Okay, well, that's good. One down.

Maybe you could do the rest

just so I can see how it's,

you know, really done.

Not a chance.

I didn't think it'd take so long.

Sorry about your ice

cream and your shirt.

That's okay.

They've seen worse.

Hey, Ringo.

Oh!

Your boss was just telling

me how helpful I am.

Come on, Ringo. We're

goin' on a road trip!

We're off to Briarbridge

Seniors' Centre.

Hoping orbit doesn't eat

another hearing aid this time.

And, we're walking! Come on.

Ringo's such a sweet dog.

Yeah, he was really

great with my mom too.

Yeah, they're super fond of each other.

I ever tell you about

the time I met Ringo?

Was this before or after you accused me

of stealing your mom's money?

After.

Do you mind

No, no, not at all.

Passing me one of those shirts?

Oh, yeah, yeah. For sure.

Shirt up, ya slut.

Sorry! Car fumes.

You were telling me about Ringo?

I went to go visit

my mom in the hospital

right after she started rehab.

And I was waiting at

the nurses' station,

when I feel some jerk kick

me in the back of the leg.

Rude.

And I turn around, and

it's not a guy at all.

It's a dog.

And then I hear my mom screaming

from up the hall, "Ringo!

Get away from that guy!"

I turn to see her marching down

the hallway, gown half-open,

but she doesn't recognize me, right?

I'm normally wearing work clothes

and dirty and sweaty.

Yeah, I can imagine.

I mean, I'm not, like,

imagining, but, yeah.

But what was crazy is

she marched like 30 feet.

No railing, no crutches, nothing.

All for that damn dog.

Aw, I can't believe I never heard that.

Doris likes her stories.

Yeah.

Well, see ya. Thanks for the shirt.

Oh, your ice cream!

In the fridge.

Why don't you just ask me?

You look busy.

What's with the trees?

Nothing. Just real estate.

In the middle of nowhere?

Ah, it's this fantasy I have.

Sex party in the woods?

Nah, nah, just own some land.

You know, a little a

place to paint and fish,

scream into the void.

Look. See that?

It's right near where we used

to camp when I was growing up.

- Mm.

- See that rock?

We used to jump off

that rock into the water.

You know, land on a log,

or an old railway spike.

- Fun.

- Yeah.

So, when ya lockin' it down?

Well, like I said, it's a fantasy.

You know, like flipping

through the spendy wine list

at a restaurant, or

test driving a RAV 4.

Not to be blunt, but you

don't have a lotta time left.

- Like, 20 years max.

- Give or take.

And you spent what, 30 in prison?

Two and a half!

But I don't know. It's

It's a lot of money.

You know, Marko had a dream once

to be the best DJ in Hamilton,

which is not easy, and look at him now.

Is he any good? I can't really tell.

And all it took were a

few loans from his uncle

and a sweet tax loophole,

so live your dream.

I guess it can't hurt

to check that land out.

Hell yeah!

I'll even come with you if I

can burn some boxes up there.

What boxes?

Who are you, the government?

Fine. You're on.

I thought that story would be

great, for the Gran-paws' website.

The positive impact of the program,

a heart-warming mother-son story

An empowered woman changes a car tire

- Not that part.

- No, of course.

We put these "tales" on the website

and we call it "Gran-paws'

Tales."

Oh my gosh, so fun.

And Travis agreed to do the first one.

I thought we'd record him

later this week at his place.

Oh, I get it.

Good looking guy, cute

story, lovable dog.

Oh, no, no. I'm not

into him, like at all.

I didn't think you were.

I thought it was a

great hook for the video.

Right.

Besides, it would be

a conflict of interest.

You know, you working here,

and he's doing the video.

As they say, "Don't

poop where you sh**t."

- I don't think they say that.

- Okay. But they do.

He's taking over my entire bed

and he barks at me if I try to join him.

Re-adjusting can take time.

Oh, I know.

I just got back from the arctic

and my sleep schedule's trash.

I put my groceries in the

washing machine yesterday.

It could be diet.

We could order pretzel

some gently cooked food.

Minimal processing, high in nutrients,

and it tastes amazing.

I had a tupperware mix-up.

Hey, would you like that, buddy?

I'll call you when it comes in.

Thanks. That's really good of you.

Been there.

Yeah, tupperware mix-up of 2016.

Crazy times.

Ah.

Can we order a week of

energy patties for Devon?

- Yeah.

- Who?

Devon.

The soldier you reunited

with his dog last week?

Everyone ugly-cried?

- Plus, he's quite attractive.

- I don't know.

Well, if he's a soldier,

he's probably some kind of

demented w*r monger, so

He's actually very sweet.

Well, then maybe you should break

up with Ravi and date Dillon.

Devon. Not that you should.

Make sure that's the right tupperware.

It is.

- Hey!

- Tonya, hi.

I just ran into Joy. I was

thinking of mentoring her.

Though, she may end up mentoring me.

Yeah, she's pretty amazing.

- But has a lot to learn.

- Definitely.

She told me about your website

idea "Gran-paws' tales?"

- Genius.

- Thank you.

It's actually kind of a funny

story how I came up with it.

Keep it a mystery. We

should do branded content.

Oh, I never thought of

branding it, but, uh

I reached out to our friend Bry,

at intrepid bladder leak pads,

and he practically wet himself.

His joke, not mine.

I think they'll throw money at this.

- Hard.

- Okay, sure, yeah.

I'll get Joy to, you

know, reach out and liaise.

Great work, Shannon.

Like, really great work.

You almost sound surprised or somethin'.

I almost am.

Yeah, that tire swing

was dope. And the pond?

I mean, I know it's muddy and

full of leeches, but my own pond!

Yeah, you gotta make an offer.

Ruby Tuesday, two o'clock?

There's my girl.

I'm thinking shaggy but sleek,

did-up but not trying too hard.

No.

Not a bad deal, if you can afford it.

Can you?

Well, I can offer what I got.

I mean, who knows?

Maybe they just wanna

get it off their hands.

Maybe. Who knows? Other

than real estate people.

Yeah, yeah, I wanna make an offer

on that Pine River property.

Uh-huh. He's just

calling them like that?

He's a man of action.

Really? Okay.

Pretty soon he's gonna be grilling

dogs up there every weekend.

Hotdogs. Not

Yeah, yeah, okay, right, you too.

Thanks.

Ah, they already got another offer in,

15 grand more than I can pay.

- That sucks.

- I know.

We never should've gone up there.

Well, if this land means something,

a personal connection can go a long way.

Like marry the guy's

daughter or somethin'?

That could take years.

Or, you could write the owner a letter.

Play to the emotions.

Convince them you're the

best guy for the land.

Does that really work?

How do you think I got

my real estate licence?

Okay

You're still thinking about

marrying into it, aren't you?

Yeah, but we should try

the letter thing first.

Yeah.

Yeah

Oh, and, uh, my mom

wasn't wearing her glasses,

which is why she didn't know who I was.

We need another take.

He missed the whole middle part again.

Okay, that was good.

Um, let's try it again.

- Joy was breathing too loud.

- What?

Listen, I realize I'm not great at this.

Maybe one of you can just say it.

No, you got this.

Just forget the camera's even there.

But, feel free to

acknowledge the bladder pads.

Just look at me when you're talking.

Forget about everything else.

Except for the story, 'cause

you seem to have trouble

remembering that part.

Okay, you know what?

Here's a trick from my dance days.

You just gotta let it

go and shake it out.

- Okay.

- Okay, look at me.

Wow. You are really solid.

Uh, take a deep breath.

Hold, and release.

How do you feel?

- Amazing.

- I meant Travis.

A little dizzy to be honest.

Okay.

Do you have any whiskey?

It helps my grandmother relax.

I think there's rye in the kitchen.

I guess it couldn't hurt.

I'll admit. This is better.

Yeah, well, that's why I

don't come to your office,

and, do whatever you do.

Mm. This goes to the shelter, right?

Somethin' like that.

So, can I get a receipt?

How about 50 percent off?

I respect the hustle.

Oh, hey, Liam.

Uh, I wrote that letter, like you said,

and I was thinkin', I don't know,

maybe you could look it over?

- Uh, yeah.

- Or, don't.

- Ah, it's stupid.

- I'd be happy to.

Yeah? Here you go.

Uh, I talk a lot about, like,

camping with my family, and

Right. And, if I had a note

Please.

Maybe more about how

the land makes you feel

and less about puking in the tent.

- Which time?

- Oh, it's mentioned again.

Yeah, it's kind of a theme.

Why don't we start from the

top and work our way through it?

Jeez! I always screw everything up.

- No, no, it's it's okay.

- No?

I remember years ago, there

was this abandoned parking lot

next to a paint store off James Street,

and the whole block

smelt like burning hair,

but, I saw something in it.

And now, there's a

ten-story condo there.

'Cause you bought it.

Dayna Schikowski did. Paint store too.

So, don't give up on

something you believe in.

Last time Dayna

Schikowski beats you, huh?

Oh, no, she owns every

condo in the West End,

but, she drinks a lot,

and she just broke up with

her husband, an absolute troll.

Hm. But still,

she's a divorcée and I am not.

Yeah, I guess.

Just getting some B-roll.

I think we got it.

And, that's a wrap, everyone!

Great job today.

See? Not so hard.

Yeah, only 23 tries.

But, listen, the, uh,

shoulder thing that was

I mean, that worked really well.

Sometimes we carry a lot

of tension, and it can

- build up.

- Yeah.

Okay, well, I should head 'er.

Yeah, and, uh, thanks. Good work.

- Mm

- I should really

It's okay. You have my consent.

Okay. Mm.

Right, well, thanks so much.

No, thank you. Uh, and

you have everything?

- Right?

- Yep.

Oh, wait. Did I leave this running?

What?

Oh, no. It's the standby light.

- Should we go?

- Uh-huh.

She walked all the way down

the hallway for the first time

since the accident, all

thanks to Ringo and Intrepid.

Wow. That is a great story.

And the product integration? Gorgeous.

- That was your idea.

- No, well, you pulled it off.

It was all Joy.

What was?

So modest.

We'll wanna share this

with our major donors.

A few tears should

loosen the purse-strings.

Joy, can you make sure

that Doris gets a copy?

Mm-hm.

That guy, what a face for the camera.

- Just me?

- Definitely just you.

Well, fab job.

Looks like I owe you dinner.

Why would you owe him dinner?

I paid last time.

Hey. So?

Oh, they loved the letter.

Especially all the

schmaltzy stuff we threw in.

You mean the part where your father

said he loved you in the canoe?

Yeah, basically, the place is mine.

- Congratulations.

- For another 25 grand.

What?!

But, if I cash in my RRSP,

sell my van, and call in a few favours,

I get pretty close.

Don't overextend yourself.

They might be playing you.

I don't care. This is it.

This is my parking lot.

This is my DJ thing.

It's my Diane Stickburger moment.

- Dayna Schikowski.

- Yeah, all of them.

Look. I am jumping off this rock.

Okay? Don't be the railroad spike.

Fine.

- Yes!

- Ah!

I'll cover your closing

costs with a no-interest loan

and re-draft the offer.

- Let's do this.

- Great, okay.

Joy, so, I was talking to Devon.

Don't know her.

And, apparently he's dating someone.

Oh. So, I guess you asked him out?

Joy, he said he's dating you.

Psycho.

No, I don't

Okay, yes, we're dating.

I can't believe he told you.

- It's no big deal.

- Are you kidding me?

It's a major conflict of interest.

How?

Devon got pretzel here,

and, hello, I work here.

And what if it goes wrong?

He knows you, and I know you,

and what if you didn't like him?

I'd have to break up with him

or worse, I have to break up with you!

Is this your first relationship?

You mean where the other person is aware

they're in the relationship?

A little advice?

Maybe don't encourage people

to ask your boyfriend out.

Oh I'll consider it.

And good to know you're

open to workplace romance.

Why?

Oh, no reason.

Seriously though, no reason.

- Oh.

- Yeah.

Okay.

Night, Kristian.

Night, thanks!

Oh, my gosh! Doris, you're back.

And movin' like a 16-year-old.

A 16-year-old with screws in her foot.

But that same old salty

spirit. Did you just get home?

Yeah, last night.

Oh, hospital police

finally sprang me loose.

Well, you're looking great.

And it looks like Travis did a nice job

getting the house ready for you.

Yeah. Hardly recognize the place.

He's trying to make it nice for his mom.

He's trying to fix it

up so he can sell it,

and put me in a home.

Well, maybe you'll feel differently

when you see the video he

did about you and Ringo.

Oh, I've seen it. It's total horse crap.

What? All that bladder stuff?

It makes me look like I'm some old fart

who can't keep her pants dry.

Well, leak pads aren't just for

And I never walked to go get the dog.

Why would he lie?

Back when Travis was in pee wee,

he told the coach that I was in the mob,

and if the coach didn't

want a horse head in his bed

he'd let Travis play right wing.

Oh, my God.

Let's just say, he's

not one to let facts

get in the way of what he wants.

But that story is 100 percent bull.

Okay thanks.

She loved it, huh?

She had some notes.

Oh.

Should we call again?

No, no, it's part of the game.

Ah, man, my heart is pounding.

Mine too, but however this

works out, don't forget

Shut up. It's them.

Ah, here. I can't.

Hello?

No, this is Liam

Turner, Paul's agent.

Let's not b*at around the what?

We're in the five-day

period. We countersigned!

- W what is he saying?

- Shh!

- Okay, another 10 grand and not a penny more.

- What?!

No, Liam, let me talk.

Let me talk to them!

Fifteen!

Well, I guess so.

What, what, what happened?

We didn't get it.

Ah, they went for the money, yeah?

No, they're keeping it.

Apparently, your letter reminded them

why they bought it in the first place.

Now, the kids don't want them to sell.

Sorry.

Ah, it's probably for the best.

You know, I was gonna have to

sell all my furniture to get it,

definitely eat instant

noodles for the next few years,

probably go back to a life of crime.

How did you get a bank sign off on this?

Oh, I didn't go to a bank.

Who's Eddie the Nose?

That's not a name you

should say out loud.

What?

Liam, here you go.

What's this?

A receipt.

I incorporated my grooming

business and went legit.

You owe me 20 bucks.

What about my discount?

It's right there.

Then HST adds 13 percent,

plus the service fee,

and incorporation fees,

and a one-time brush fee.

Sorry. I'm a faceless corporation now.

So, it was all right?

I didn't screw it up too much?

The video not the other thing.

No, no, the board loved it,

and the other thing

wasn't terrible either.

Just curious since

this video has gone out

on the world wide web,

um, we just wanna make sure

that everything in it is

exactly how it happened?

What are you getting at?

It's just I was talking to Doris.

Here we go.

And she said I might wanna

check some of the facts with you?

Of course she did. Look, Shannon.

I know that you think

my mother's a saint,

but she has a way of

exaggerating the truth.

She said the same thing about you.

Yes, well, that's called deflection.

Unless maybe this is deflection?

Your boots are blockin' the doorway.

Doris! Let me help you.

What did you say to

Shannon about the video?

Why did you lie about me being naked?

Your gown was open in the back.

Last year I put a dress

on inside out, so

Made me sound like a nut job

who didn't even know her own son.

That wasn't my takeaway.

Are you jealous because

Shannon asked me to do the video

- instead of you?

- It's my story!

You coulda warned me

before I watched it.

I thought it would be a nice gesture.

- For who?

- For you.

See? Only thinking of yourself.

Honestly, it's a wonder

anyone ever married you.

What?

Oh yeah, comin' on 10

years with his wife.

Ten years. Wow, a decade.

It's complicated.

It sounds it.

Okay, I should go,

and let you two fight,

or make up, or or fight.

I I gotta go.

Hey. It's a peace offering.

They're cookies.

I don't know what that

is. This is the wrong tin.

Look, I appreciate the

gesture, but it's not necessary.

We're we're good.

I I-I tried to tell you.

When? As we were kissing?

Yes.

Okay, well, a touch sooner

would have been great.

I told Steph it's over, okay?

I don't really wanna talk

about it, but it is over.

And once she moves out of the house

She's still in your house?

Well, yeah, in Barrie, but

it's only been a couple months.

And wow.

But we haven't slept in

the same bed together in

You know what? It's none of my business.

I just hope it works out,

however you would like it to work out.

Yeah. Okay.

Well, I'm sorry about

the whole video thing.

It was fun.

Eh, you know,

not fun, but nice.

Well, if there's nothing else

I'm dating Devon.

You're my boss so, you

know, full disclosure.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Who's Devon?

No idea.