13x11 - Captain Pipsqueak/Plane to Sea

Episode transcripts for the TV show "SpongeBob SquarePants". Aired: May 1, 1999 - present.
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A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.
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13x11 - Captain Pipsqueak/Plane to Sea

Post by bunniefuu »

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob



♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ La-da-dee, la-da-da,
la-da-da ♪

- [distant screaming]
- Uh-oh.


- Ahh!


- [laughs]

Plankton, you're a hot mess.

Serves ya right
fer tryin' to steal me formular

for the gazillionth time.

- I'll have my revenge!

Mark my words!

- [laughs]
- Aw, come on.

This isn't over!

- Oh, hard day at work?

I know what you need.

- Ahh!





Oh, Karen, I'm never gonna
get that Krabby Patty formula!

[sniffles, grunts]


Mmm, not bad.


- Enjoy your molten face peels!

- Holy clambake!

Are Mermaid Man
and Barnacle Boy

about to become hero flambé
cooked by Man Ray

and his criminal posse
of E.V.I.L.?

- I hope so!

I love it when the villains
gain the upper hand.


- As our heroes
face certain doom,

the villains escape

to their secret
underground lair!

- [laughs]

- Of course!

All I need to do is

join the criminals
of E.V.I.L.!

They'll help me defeat Krabs.

- Smart thinking.

You can go as "Towel Man."

- Don't be a wisenheimer.

I can't accessorize
this old rag.

I need a real costume.

♪ ♪


- [buzzes]




- [buzzes]

- [growls]

- [snarls]
- Ahh!

♪ ♪


- [dings]

- [groans]

Maybe a shorter cape.

♪ ♪

This must be the entrance
to their secret lair.

A little dumpster dive,
and I'm in.




Where's the door?


♪ ♪

Wrong dumpster.

Of course.

♪ ♪


I'm here
to join the forces of E.V.I.L.!

♪ ♪

- Dude.
- Huh, wha--

- Sign in and wait your turn.

- Red leather, yellow leather.

Get out of the car, fellas!

- Take all your money
and put it in the bag!

- No, Mr. Bob.

I expect you to fry.

- When the full moon rises...
- I am the Strangler!

- [vocalizing]
- [clears throat]

I'm the Strangler.
- [growling]

- What is this yellow thing?
- [babbling]

- Some kind of mold?

- To be or--line!

- [growls, grunts]

- [roars]

- We've got quite an impressive
rogues gallery up there, eh?

Thank you for taking time out
of your scandalous schedules

to try out for E.V.I.L.

As you all know,

we can only pick one
new villain

to join Team E.V.I.L.,

so let the judging begin!

♪ ♪

Eeny, meeny, miney--


- [hissing]

- No way, Man Ray!

I was first!

- First to go bye-bye.

- Huh?

[all gasp]
- Be gone!


Nosferatu, proceed.

[eerie music]

- [grunts]

[dramatic piano music]

♪ ♪

- Mime?

Mime is his evil power?

- Ahh!

- Robot Mantis!

- [mumbles]

[upbeat music]


[somber cello music]


[country violin music]


[mellow banjo music]


[upbeat kazoo music]



- How dare you!

We just had that piano tuned!

- Ahh!

- Eeny, meeny, miney--

Sheldon J. Plankton?

[dramatic kazoo music]

- Thanks, ma'am, but, uh,
music won't be necessary.

- Right.

So what's your supervillain
power, little guy?

- Well, I'd venture to say

it would be my massive,
evil intellect.

- Impressive.

So where do you see yourself
in the next five years?

- Well, once I finally have
the secret formula...

[crowd screaming]

The post-apocalyptic
global empire

of destruction
that results will be mine,

and I'll be sitting pretty
on a pile of your bones!


- That sounds
pretty villainous.

Okay, you'll move on
to the test phase.

But first, you'll need
a proper supervillain name.

How about "Mr. Green Bean"?

- Ooh,
the "Itsy Bitsy Green Guy."

- No, too long.
[bell dings]

How about "Captain Pipsqueak"?

- Yeah!
- I love it!

- That settles it.

Captain Pipsqueak!

all: Captain Pipsqueak!

- We can tweak that later,


- Okay, team, let's test
Captain Pipsqueak's villainy

in the real world.

[dramatic music]

Your first test is
to get us lunch:

a -pound bucket
from Weenie Hut Jr.

- With Evil sauce.

- Extra Evil sauce.

- Odd caper, but no problemo.


[bell dinging]

I need a -pound
Weenie bucket, please,

and make it snappy!

Oh, and extra Evil sauce.

- Hey, I know that order.

You're one
of those E.V.I.L. guys.

You're all banned!

- Just give me my order,

or you'll know the meaning
of fear!

- [whistles]

We got a small problem here.

[light music]

- Oh?



[all grumbling]
- So boring.

- Short legs.
We should've known better.

- I'm starving here!

What are the chances
he gets our food?

- Slim to none, I'm guessing.

- Hello?


Could somebody help me
with this?

[all munching]

Oh, and extra Evil sauce.

- Wicked.
- Awesome.

- A Weenie toast
to Captain Pipsqueak.

all: Pip pip hooray!

- [groaning]

- Okay, Cap,

take this bag
of snail droppings

and leave it
on that doorstep over there.

It's the house of the Foot.

He's a superhero do-gooder
who deserves our worst.


- [giggling]

♪ ♪





I added a little

of my own special Chum Mix
to the bag.

- Captain Pipsqueak,
welcome to E.V.I.L.,

which stands for...

"Every Villain Is Lemons."

- Yeah!
- Whoo!

- So Captain Pipsqueak,
what's next?


- Follow me
to world domination!


♪ ♪

- Huh?
- [laughs]

- [gasps]
Mr. Krabs!

- What now, boy?
- [groans]

- Shiver me's lumbers!

[upbeat jazzy music]

- [cackling]

- Yah!

- [cackling]

- Heh, heh.


[customers gasping]

- [laughs]

- You might as well give us
the secret formula now, Krabs.

I'm the new mastermind
of E.V.I.L.

- [laughs]

What, you nerds going
to a comic convention?

- Ooh, that is a nice costume,


- The name is Captain Pipsqueak
to you.

Get 'em!
- [laughs]

- Whoa, whoa!
- [gasps]

- Dirty Bubble?

But I just did my laundry.

- Thieves!

Keep yer filthy, rotten mitts

offa me formular.

- [laughs]


- [laughs]


- [cackles]


This isn't the formula
for world domination.

It's a recipe for a sandwich!

How does that work?

- Uh, well, with that,
I can put this guy...

- [growls]
- Outta business.

- Mmm, why would we
ever wanna do that?

These Krabby Patties
taste great!

- Yeah, mmm.

- [spits]
- Mmm.

- [chewing]
- Mmm.

- Mmm.
- Mmm.

- Here you go, boss.
Sorry about that.

Keep up the good work.

I can't believe
this lousy pipsqueak...

- Huh?
- Wasted our time!

- Some criminal genius he is.
- Right?

"Massive evil intellect,"
my eye.

- Nyah!
- Holy habanero!

- Is Plankton forever doomed

to be bound by a bottle?

- Ahh!
- Grounded in glass?

- Ahh, ahh!

- Enveloped
by extra Evil sauce!


- No outside condiments!

- [groans]

[upbeat music]

Well, this stinks.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Ah, what a beautiful morning.

Time to check the mail

and see who loves you,


I wonder if I can return
to sender.

[both grunt]

♪ ♪

both: Good morning, Squidward.

- Well,
I'm going back to bed now.



[both giggling]

- Aren't you gonna
open your mail?

- Gimme that!

It looks like you already did.

[celebratory fanfare]

I won something?

But I didn't enter any contest.

- It's
an all-expenses-paid trip

to see beautiful
Bora Bora Bottom.

We entered it for you,
and only , times too.

- Wow.

Me, a winner,

at a tropical resort.

Let's see,
"The winning family will board

at Bikini Bottom Airport
and the"--

Wait a minute.

"Winning family"?

- Oh, did we forget
to mention...


- Oh, no.

I cannot believe

I let you bottom-feeders
talk me into this.

- Oh, it's the least we could
do for a friend like you.

I mean, for a dad like you.


both: Daddy!

- Will you morons--I mean,
children, please!

- Next.

- Ha.

- [gasps]
Attention, passengers.

Meet Underwater Air's
big contest winner,

Squidward Tentacles
and his adorable family.

- Huh, huh.
[cheers and applause]

- Come on, Dad.

Let's get a picture
of you and the kids

for our in-flight magazine.

- [groans]

- [sobs]

- Okay, everybody, say,
"I love my family."

- I'd rather not.
- [wailing]

- Say it!

both: I love my family.

[shutter clicks]
- [squeals]

- [sighs] Hmm.

♪ ♪

- [grunts]

- [growls]
- [straining]

I think you're in my seat, Pop.

- [straining, sighs]

- And I'll take the aisle.

both: ♪ Daddy's in the middle ♪

- Oh, no.

I am not suffering
a whole flight

between you two
barnacle brains.

At least give me the aisle.

- Excuse me, sir.

Are you in your assigned seat?

[knuckles cracking]

- [gulps] Um...


- [growls]

- Okay, everybody,
please fasten your seat belts

by adjusting
this easy-to-pull strap.

- Make sure
it's nice and tight.

- Wahh!

- And keep your seat

in the upright position.

Or else.

- Okay.

- Mm-hmm.


These look good.

- [grunting]


♪ ♪

- Hey, Patrick, wanna switch
so I can look out the window?

- Okay.
Oh, but hurry.

- [straining]


- [grumbling]

♪ ♪


- Uh--attention
all passengers,

this is, uh,
your captain speaking.

Please keep your, uh,
seat belts fastened

as we, uh, gain altitude.

[both babbling]

- Whoa.
- [laughs]

- Whoa!

[engine roaring]


- Enjoy your flight.

You may now roam
about the, uh, cabin.

- Hear that, Squidward?

You can take your seat belt
off now.

- Wait!
Untie me!

[both babbling]

- Ow!
- [grunts] Oh!

- Oh, boy, a feed bag!


♪ ♪

[air hissing]
- Ow!

- Hey!
[passengers groaning]

- [grumbling]
- [snoring]

- [sobbing]

- Keep it down, will ya?

I'm tryin' to sleep!

- Ahh!


- Ugh,
I dreamed I was in the ocean,

and now I gotta pee!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.


Uh, huh?

- Can I help you

with something?

- Yeah, I gotta use a bathroom!

- Ahh!

- Rude.
I was here first.

- Wah!



- Hey, buddy, what happened
to the other flight attendant?

- She's in the bathroom.

- Ahh!
- See?

- Whoa!

- Ooh.

- Ahh!



- [straining]

[growls] Huh?

The flight attendants
will save me.


Just need
to hit that call button.

[button chimes]


- Good evening, Mr. Sir!

Fresh coffee?

- What?

Patrick, where are the real
flight attendants?

- They've been in the bathroom
for a while.

I think they had
too much coffee.

Now how about that coffee?

- No, I don't want--


- Wow, Squidward,
you really like coffee!


[intercom chimes]
- Uh, folks.

Sorry about that turbulence.

- [gasps]

Wow, Patrick.

They made you
a flight attendant?

- Yeah-huh.
Hey, you wanna be one too?

- [gasps] Yeah.

♪ ♪


[both laugh]

- [grumbling]

- [gasps]
Our apologies, sir.

Let's get you dried off.

[air whooshing]

- [groaning]





I'm free.

I'm free!

- Snack time!


- [screams]

- Whee!

- Oh, no.

- Whoa!

- [groans]

That's it!

I am filing a complaint
with the captain.

Roll me to the front
of the plane.

♪ ♪



- Huh?

- [grumbling]

- Are you enjoying your flight?

- No, I am not.

These two have been nothing
but trouble since we took off.

And now they've replaced
the flight attendants.

- Uh,
what did they do with them?

- I just opened
the bathroom door, Captain.

Like this.

- Oh!
[both groaning]

both: Ahh.




- Huh?

There's no one flying
the plane!

[alarm bells blare]



What are we gonna do?

- Oh, we're gonna crash.

- Uh, uh,
I guess I can figure this out.

Yeah, how hard could it be?

[panel beeping rapidly]

- Squidward,
trust your instincts.

- I suppose, uh...


[all screaming]

[dramatic music]

- Look, Squidward,
we're almost there!

Now all you gotta do
is land this thing!

- And not k*ll everyone.

both: Squidward,
Squidward, Squidward!

- [screaming]
[alarm beeping]

[all screaming]
- Squidward!


♪ ♪

both: Squidward, Squidward!
- [groaning]

♪ ♪


♪ ♪

- Ahh!

- [giggles]

- Hmm?

[both cheer]

- Yay, Squidward!

- Huh?
Bora Bora Bottom!


[clears throat]

Uh, attention, passengers,

this is your new captain

We have arrived
at beautiful Bora Bora Bottom.

[engine whirring]

♪ ♪

Wait a minute!

I thought I stopped this thing!

- [laughs]
Squidward, look!

It was on auto-pilot
the whole time.

- Yay, Squidward!

You did nothing!

[both laugh]
- No, no!

I need to get off this plane
and enjoy the resort!

- Now why would you wanna
do that?


You won a trip
to see Bora Bora Bottom,

not stay there, silly.

- And there it goes.

- Huh?

- [sighs]
Life is funny, isn't it?

♪ ♪


- Ahh!



- This is your
flight attendant speaking.

Looks like we're experiencing
some headwinds,

and the present estimate
for our return flight

to Bikini Bottom is hours!

[both laugh]

- No!

[light music]

♪ ♪
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