05x15 - The Basketball Coach

[bunniefuu]

[dramatic music]

- [Announcer] Robert Young.

And Jane Wyatt.

With Elinor Donahue, Billy Gray, and Lauren Chapin

in Father Knows Best.

- Hey!

[audience laughs]

- Oh Bud, these are clean sheets!

- Sorry Mom, say did you hear the big news?

We're gonna enter in the independent basketball league.

We finally got a sponsor--

- Yeah the CrystalPaint and Glass Company.

- And guess who we got to be our coach?

Giff Barnes!

- Who's he?

- Who's he?

Mom, he's only the big g*n

on the university team for the last three years!

Where ya been?

- Out here in back, hanging sheets.

[audience laughs]

- Oh brother, women.

- She's nice looking, though, for her age.

[audience laughs]

- Come on let's go. - Yeah.

- Hey hold it Dad, no driving in the gym.

[audience laughs]

Here you go Dad, try a sh*t.

[audience laughs]

- Here?

I couldn't even kick it that far.

[audience laughs]

- Well our team's all set to enter the league, Dad.

- Yeah, the paint and glass company come through?

- Yeah we get our uniforms next week!

- But the great news is Giff Barnes is gonna coach us.

- No kidding, how'd youever manage to get him?

- Just lucky, he's settling down here in Springfield

now that he's through school.

- Well, it sounds like you boys have got it made!

- No Dad, you don'tshoot like that anymore.

That went out with the buggy.

Use a one-handed push up, now here I'll show ya.

- No, no, no, I won a lot of games with this sh*t

when I captained the team

and I'm gonna stick with it.

[audience laughs]

- Boy how lucky can you be?

- Luck nothing, sheer skill!

- Oh sure, let's see you do it again.

- Yeah, yeah here try again.

- No, I know enough to quit when I'm ahead.

[audience laughs]

- [Boy] Hey Bud.

- Oh hiya guys, what's up?

- Nothing's up, it's all way down.

- Know what happened?

We just lost our coach.

- What? - No kidding.

- The outfit Giff is working for

is transferring him to Wichita.

- Oh no. - They can't do that!

- They done doed it.

- [Bud] How do you like that?

You know we finally get a sponsor, and now no coach.

- Yep, and not minutes ago

Bud and I were standingright out there

talking about how lucky we were to get Giff Barnes.

Haha, contemplate on that for the irony of life.

- You contemplate on it.

I'm contemplating on who else we can get.

- How about Red Corbin?

- Nah, that shoe store team has him.

- Actually, we could coach ourselves.

- Yeah, but you can't get into the league

without an official coach.

- Hey, maybe I got an idea.

Now you understand thisis a last ditch move,

but we gotta get somebody.

Maybe I could talk mydad into taking the job.

- Your dad?

- Well yeah, he's a good guy

and was a fair player.

Captained his team one year.

- Yeah, but that was a long time ago.

I mean the game's changed since then.

- Well he can learn, he's not stupid.

- No I didn't mean he was stupid, but--

- Look, we gotta be realistic about this.

We have to have a coach to get in the league, right?

- That's true.

- Actually like Kip said,

we could do most ofthe coaching ourselves.

- Yeah!

Bud's right.

It won't be like havingGiff Barnes of course,

but at least we'll be in the league,

and that's the main thing.

Well, what do you guys think?

- It's better than nothing. - All right by me.

- That's about all we can do.

So get 'em, Bud.

- Well, it's not that easy.

He might not want to do it.

- Well, urge, give him a hard sell!

We gotta get in the league.

- Well I'll do my best.

- Your coach, me?

[chuckles]

You can't be that hard up for a coach.

- Oh but we are!

[audience laughs]

I mean, we want ya Dad, all the guys do.

- Well I doubt that.

I'm afraid I'd be a pretty poorsubstitute for Giff Barnes.

Now if you'd just come to me a little sooner,

say years sooner.

[audience laughs]

- But we need you, Dad.

See, we can't get in theleague without a coach.

- Oh I see.

- [Bud] So, how about it huh?

- Well gee, I don't know Bud.

- Oh Bud, stop badgering Father.

He doesn't know anythingabout your silly game.

- Oh it isn't that, I know a little bit about the game.

- I know, but really Father, at your age.

[audience laughs]

- Not exactly decrepit, yet.

- Well he's not gonnaplay, just gonna coach.

And actually Dad, you won't even have to do much of that.

- Well, how much time will this take?

- Practically none at all.

Let's see, two nights a week at the Y gym for practicing

and the game on Saturday night.

- Three nights every week?

- That's all.

- Wow.

Are these out of town games?

- Heck no.

Only half of 'em are.

[audience laughs]

So, what do you say Dad?

- Well I don't know, Bud.

Don't push me, give me time to think it over.

- Really Father I think--

- Sure Dad, you take your time.

I won't put any pressure on ya.

If you don't wanna do it, all it'll do is knock us guys

outta having a team.

- Father don't--

- It'll q*eer us forever

with the paint and glasscompany, that's all.

- That's all, huh?

Well thanks for not putting any pressure on me.

[audience laughs]

- You mean Father's actually down there at the gym tonight?

I thought he had more sense

than to let Bud talk himinto that coaching deal.

- I did too, I just hope your father doesn't overdo.

- They'll probably bringhim home on a stretcher.

Ah here come the all Americans now.

Well how did the new coach work out?

That's what I'd like to know.

- Oh, he was great.

Well this was our first practice

and we were all a little rusty.

I better do my homework.

- I'm afraid Bud is being generous.

To tell the truth, I suspect the fellas

don't think very much of me as a coach.

- Well, maybe this'd bea good time to drop out.

- Oh I couldn't let 'em down now.

They need a lot of work,they're pretty ragged.

- Jim, are you sure youshould be doing this?

You're not used to romping around

with a bunch of boys anymore.

- I'm not romping around, I'm just the coach.

- Yes, but pretty soon you'll be right out there

showing them how to do it.

- Right now they couldshow me a whole lot more

than I could show them.

- Well, I just hope you don't wear yourself out too much.

Well you'll be too tired to do your work.

- Oh don't worry, I'm not gonna let this

interfere with my life in any way.

Certainly not my work, that you can bank on.

[chuckles]

No, tell him to call me back next week Ms. Thomas.

I'm too busy to talk to him now.

[audience laughs]

[buzzer rings]

Yes!

No I'll go over those policies tomorrow.

Right now I'm trying to catch on to the new rules.

That is, I mean the insurance regulations.

[audience laughs]

Home office always keepssending new regulations.

So hold all calls.

[audience laughs]

[pleasant music]

Now, I'm gonna fake to the left,

dribble to the rightusing Kathy as a screen.

- Using me as what?

[audience laughs]

- Kathy, you actas if you expect

to receive the ball from me, oh.

Thanks.

[audience laughs]

I was just trying to work out a couple of plays here.

[audience laughs]

Bud, here's an idea.

Now you watch the fake to get my opponent off balance.

[audience laughs]

- Did I do something wrong?

- Well yes, you...

You did too well.

[audience laughs]

I guess I'm better atdiagramming these plays

than I am at demonstrating them.

[audience laughs]

Which reminds me, I'd like to

have the boys come over tonight

and we'll diagram some plays on Kathy's blackboard.

- Oh well Dad, we don't want to

get too scientific about this.

- No, but if we're gonna have a team

let's don't do it halfway.

- Yeah.

- What time are the boyscoming over tonight?

- Well they should be here pretty soon now.

- I thought you were only gonnapractice two nights a week.

- Oh well this isn't practice,

it's just a little chalk talk

to get across a few fundamentals.

There's more to teach them than just sh**ting baskets.

- Evidently.

Do you have to teach them how to draw too?

[audience laughs]

- No no no, this is a play.

The little circles represent the players.

There's a center, the forwards, the guards.

The solid lines show where they go,

and the broken line's a pass.

- Well what's happened to this fellow?

Is he stumbling?

[audience laughs]

- No, he's dribbling.

- He is?

[audience laughs]

- Father, can I draw with you?

- Not now, Kathy.

- Not much of a picture.

I better help you.

- No no no, it's fine.

[doorbell rings]

That must be the boys now.

Bud the team's here!

[pleasant music]

Now, before we take up the plays

I want to talk to you about conditioning.

Where's Bud?

Hurry up, Bud!

Now to play basketball, you've got to be in good shape.

Now get to bed early, and watch your diet.

No fried foods, no pies,pastries, things like...

Oh fine.

- Thought we oughta have

something to munch on while we talk.

[audience laughs]

[boys chattering]

- Hold it!

Is that the kind of stuff you fellas train on?

Don't eat that junk!

- Junk, but Mom made this.

[audience laughs]

- Okay but she's notgoing out for the team.

You stick to good, solid foods.

Roast vegetables.

Now put that away.

You've got to train to play this game.

- Well we can start training tomorrow?

[audience laughs] - We start now.

Tomorrow's too late.

[audience laughs]

Okay so much for that.

Now, we'll talk about a few set plays.

Now I figure that we'll run into the man-to-man defense

more often than the zone.

So I've devised a few basic patterns

to att*ck that defense.

And here's the first one.

Here, on the blackboard!

[boys snickering]

Now, it's fairly simple.

[boys laughing]

The center fakesa pass to the...

All right boys, the first thing

we must have is a little discipline.

Oh no!

[audience laughs]

[all laughing]

Oh great.

Well there's only one person

around here with such artistic talent.

[all laughing]

And those new plays really started working

at practice tonight.

- How did you say you got this bruise?

- Oh I slipped demonstrating a pivot.

I better get some tennis shoes.

- I knew this sort of thing would start happening.

Really now, don't you think you ought to give this up?

- Give it up, we're just getting started.

And we're working together now.

Frankly, up until about last night I think the boys

were only tolerating me,

but that silly drawing of Kathy's really broke the ice.

- But Jim, you're not used to this.

You're gonna hurt yourself.

- No I'm not.

You know something?

I feel better than I have for years.

I think I needed something like this, a new interest.

And to be real honest, I'm getting a big boot out of it.

- Yes, but dear--

- I feel more alive.

You're prettier to me, and Ilove you more than ever before.

- Well of course those arepretty unfair arguments, coach.

Better use them more often.

[audience laughs]

- Boy I can hardly wait

'til our first league game Saturday night.

You know I think we'regonna razzle dazzle 'em

with those plays your dad's been giving us.

- Yeah, Dad's been sitting up at night studying this stuff.

He's learning pretty good too.

- [Ray] Hey Bud, Bud!

- Oh what do ya say fellas?

- Hey man, have we got news! - Guess who's back in town?

- Giff Barnes!

- He is? - You mean to stay?

- Yep, something happened with the Wichita deal

so they had to send him back here.

- [Freddie] We've just been talking to him.

- [Kip] You mean we can get him back for our coach?

- [Ray] Yeah he's ready!

- He's gonna be down at practice tonight.

- Oh man what a break! - Let's go!

- Hey wait, you guys.

What about my dad? - Your dad?

- Yeah, didn't you tell Giff we already got a coach?

- Well, uh, no we didn't.

But gosh, we figured if we can get Giff--

- Look Bud, your dad'sbeen doing a great job,

coming along real great.

- Oh darn right he has.

- And after all, when you can

have a choice, who would you take?

Your dad or Giff?

- Well there's no question there.

It just doesn't seem fair.

My dad's been knocking himself out,

spending a lot of time he could've put to better use.

If it hadn't have been for Dad,

we wouldn't have even gotten in the league.

- Yeah, yeah Bud's got a point there.

- Yeah he's right, we've gotta be fair about this.

- Tell you what, why don't we take a vote?

That seem fair to you guys?

- Yeah. - Yeah that's fair.

- Sure.

- Those who want Giff for a coach, raise your hand.

All right.

Those who want Mr. Anderson?

[emotional music]

Well I guess that's it.

So you tell your dad, will ya Bud?

- And tell him how much we appreciate all he did for us,

'cause we really appreciate it.

- Darn right we do. - Yeah a whole lot!

- Yeah.

- Well, come on guys.

We'd better go home and eat.

- Yeah, see ya at practice tonight.

- See ya Bud.

- Oh man, Giff is back! [boys chattering excitedly]

- You tell him Bud, sure.

[pleasant music]

- Come to dinner, Bud.

- Okay.

Say, what about Dad?

Isn't he coming home tonight?

- Not for dinner.

He's eating in townbecause he has to work,

but he said he'd be home intime to go to practice with you,

so don't look so worried.

- Oh.

- You know at first,

I was against this basketball rigamarole,

but it seems to be doingyour father so much good

that I've changed my mind completely.

He's really enjoying it, and I think that he's very proud

to be able to help you and your friends.

I'd hate now to have him give it up.

Betty, Kathy, come to dinner!

[suspenseful music]

- I'm home!

- Hi Daddy. - Hi.

- What's in the packages?

Anything for me?

- No no, just junk.

Be a good fella and hang these up for me, will ya?

I'm in a big hurry.

Where's Bud?

- In the kitchen,helping with the dishes.

- Ah, be with you in a second Bud!

Gotta change my clothes, we'll whip on down to the gym!

- Oh I gotta talk to Dad.

- Oh no you don't.

You're not through!

Mother, don't let him sneak out.

- Oh I'll finish them.

I think he has some bigproblem on his mind.

- Something must be wrong.

I've never seen him look so glum.

He hardly said six words during dinner.

- And he ate practically nothing.

I hope he's not illfrom too much practice.

[humming happily]

- Well hi Bud, be with you in a jiff.

Oh, how you like my new sweatshirt?

Latest style, chemise.

[audience laughs]

- Yeah, it's okay Dad.

Dad--

- You know I think we oughta work on defense tonight.

We haven't stressed that very much so far.

Oh, I figured I'd better get these.

They don't like me walking around

the gym floor inmy street shoes.

- Dad.- Yeah?

- I was talking to the guys this afternoon,

and they voted...

Well that is, we voted--

- Voted on what?

- Well on...

You know, they allappreciate an awful lot

what you've done for the team.

- Well good!

I was afraid at first they didn't think I was so hot.

They figured I was about years behind the times.

- Oh no, no.

They think you're fine!

But you see...

- Yeah, feels fine.

I remember when I was a kid, I always did like the feel

of a pair of new tennis shoes.

- Yeah it's a good feeling.

[Jim chuckles]

But anyway, Ray came by today and he said--

- Oh speaking of Ray, what would you think

of moving him back to running guard?

He's a better ball handler than Claude,

and we could use Claude's height under the basket.

- Well yeah, that's a good idea.

Dad. - Hm?

- I gotta tell you something.

- Okay sh**t.

- Well you know, you're a very good insurance man.

[audience laughs]

- What's that got to do with anything?

- Well I mean you've got lots of other interests in life.

A successful business man with lots of friends.

Good family, a wife,

not bad looks, great personality.

- You sound like a boss

who's gonna cut an employee's salary.

[audience laughs]

Or give him the a*.

[audience laughs]

- Yeah! [audience laughs]

- Come on, we better go.

Is Kippy coming by?

We're gonna take our car.

- Well Kippy's coming by. [whistle blows]

Oh no, wait Dad, don't go!

- What do you mean don't go?

We have to go, we're gonna scrimmage

with that Y team tonight.

I want to see if you guys have learned anything.

- Yeah but I wanna tell you something.

- Well out with it, we can't wait here all night.

- Well, what I wanted to tell ya was...

Is that...

You look nice inyour sweatshirt.

[audience laughs]

- Stop pulling my leg.

Come on, let's go.

- No wait, Dad!

I've got a sore knee.

We better not go tonight.

- Sore knee, when did that come over ya?

- Well just, just tonight.

Oh it's sore.

[audience laughs]

- Let me see it.

- Oh no, it's too sore to touch.

[audience laughs]

I think the kneecap's capitated.

[audience laughs]

Oh there's Kip, I better go down to the gym with him,

tell the guys we can't practice tonight.

[audience laughs]

- [Betty] Your friends are outside honking.

- Yeah I know.

[audience laughs]

- You'd better hurry, Father.

You'll never catch the flying express.

[audience laughs]

- Well evidently I'm not going.

- Not going, why not?

- Oh I thought Iheard you leave.

- No, I was ready to leave

but Bud suddenly decidedhe had a sore knee.

Rushed off to the gym with Kip to call off the practice.

I don't know what's going on.

- Bud has a sore knee, you said?

- Oh he just made that up. [phone rings]

But why, I don't know.

- Hello, Bud?

No--- Well you know,

all through dinner he acted very strangely.

Hardly ate anything at all!

- Goodbye.- Who was that?

- Oh it was just Bud's coach wondering where Bud was,

fella by the name of Giff Barnes.

- Giff Barnes?

- Yes, he...

[emotional music]

Wait, what am I saying, coach?

You're the coach!

- Well...

So that was it.

I'm beginning to understand now.

- Well understand what?

- I,

I've just been given the a*.

- Well I still think it's adirty trick getting a new coach.

- Oh no, you can't blame them for wanting to get someone

who knows what he's doing.

Evidently, Barnes has moved back here.

- But I thought you were doing fine.

- So did I.

- Well I mean it's a dirty trick getting a new coach

without even telling you!

- Oh I'm sure I was supposed to be told.

Obviously they saddled Bud with the job.

Poor kid.

He tried to tell me,

but just couldn'tbring himself to do it.

I realize now I wasn't helping him any.

Raving on about our plans for the future.

Dolling up in mycoaching outfit.

[whistle blows weakly]

Oh brother, how much of a jackass you can make of yourself.

- You did no such thing.

- Well it wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't begged ya

to take this job in the first place.

- Oh I don't care about the job.

I like it, I'll admit that,

but what bothers me is what I've done to Bud.

- What you've done to him?

- Well sure, evidently I was making a fool of myself

in front of his friends,embarrassing him.

- Well that's ridiculous!

- What a spot I put him on.

This'll put a gap between us miles wide!

- A welcome arrangement, I'd say.

[audience laughs]

- If I could only think of some face-saving device

so Bud wouldn't feel so guilty and miserable about this.

- Oh what about your feelings?

- I could use a little face-saving myself.

Probably the whole team could.

Maybe Bud...

[pleasant music]

Look at 'em.

They feel so guilty theydon't dare look at me.

- How could they ever do a crummy thing like that to us?

- Those double-crossers.

- Yeah they oughta let us know

instead of pulling out at the last minute.

- Who pulled out of what?

- Oh the darn Crystal Paint and Glass.

Now we have no sponsor.- And no team!

- Canceled the order on our uniforms.

- Why?

- Oh they put some new clown in as manager,

and he's making a big deal out of cutting down expenses.

Says we can't afford to waste money on such foolishness.

- Well now maybe you know how it feels

to have the rug pulled out from under ya.

- Why we would've been the bestadvertising they could get!

- Maybe this is just thebreak I was looking for.

- Break?

- You can't trust anybody.

- I might have a suggestion, fellas.

The uniforms that were canceled,

what would you think of re-ordering them

but changing Crystal Paint and Glass Company to

Cavalier Casualty Insurance Company?

- Oh what good would that do?

Cavalier, you mean you'd sponsor us Dad?

- Well not me, my company.

I'd have to get an appropriation,

but I think I could swing it.

[boys chattering excitedly]

But there's one hitch.

My company is not going to be satisfied

with a team that's coached

by some second rate amateur, like me.

Somewhere you're gonna have to find yourselves a real pro.

- Well what a coincidence!

Guess who's back in town?

Giff Barnes, and I thinkwe can get him too.

- Great, perfect, get him.

- As a matter of fact,

he was watching us scrimmage tonight at the gym.

Uh, my knee suddenly got better.

[audience laughs]

- [Jim] Good.

- And guess what he said?

He said that whoever hadbeen coaching us before

was doing a darn good job.

- Yeah?

- That's right!

And he said we shouldn't lose you.

So what would you say as to being Giff's assistant?

- Well.

- I think it's a wonderful idea!

- I do too, Dad.

No kiddin'.

[emotional music]

- Well I think this calls for a little celebration.

What do you have in the icebox, honey?

- Hey I saw some nice,thick, fluffy cream pie.

- Pie?

Oh no, you're on my team now and I want you in good shape.

[audience laughs] Come on honey,

we'll go slice up some good, rugged dog biscuits for them.

[audience laughs]

[howls] [audience laughs]

[pleasant music]