05x19 - Big sh*t Bud

[bunniefuu]

(Music overture)

- [Narrator] robert young

And jane wyatt

With elinor donahue, billy gray and lauren chapin

In father knows best

- One, two, three, four five

- Six, seven, eight - six, seven, eight

Eight. Eight.

- Nine.

(Audience laughs)

- You little spook, you mixed me up.

Yip, it's all here.

Ten simoleons.

- That's a lot of green stuff.

- It's for the needy children.

- Oh boy! I'll take mine now.

- Ya bonehead. This belongs to the sunday school.

I gotta turn it in tomorrow.

- [Margaret] breakfast,it's on the table.

- [Bud] hey, what are you looking for?

- My sneakers.

Have you seen them?

- Ya, I wore them to a dance last night

And won a prize as best-dressed man.

- Honest?

- Ya.

- Oh, you mean best-dressed grouch.

- You.

(Audience laughs)

- Remember sweater. Remember sweater?

When did I write this?

Remember what sweater?

- Having a little chat with yourself?

What's new?

- Look, I wrote this note and stuck it up here

On the mirror to remind myself to remember something.

Now I can't rememberwhy I wanted a reminder.

- That sounds brilliant.

Next time I'd just have a second note

Explaining the first one.

- Very funny, ha ha.

- Maybe we better send out a posse.

- I've got a better idea.

Let's start without them.

Good morning princess?

Where's the rest of this royal family?

- Cathy's wondering around looking for her sneakers.

And bud, the poor drip,he wrote himself a note,

And now he can't remember

What it was suppose to remind him of.

(Laughs)

- Bud. Bud?

- Ya, dad?

- You seem to be having a problem.

- Maybe we could help you.

- Sure, let us in on it.

- I'd be glad to, as soon as I can remember what it is.

(Audience laughs)

I wonder why I wrote that note to myself.

- Oh, now don't be such a worry-wort.

(Doorbell rings)

- [Kathy] I'll get it.

- Hi kathy.

- Hi.

- Is bud home?

- Sure, just a minute.

Hey bud, joyce is here.

- Joyce!

Oh gosh, that's it.

The sweater belongs to her.

Oh, I'm cooked, I'm dead.

- What is this?

- I was driving joyce home from school last week

And some grease from mycar got on her sweater.

I promised her I'd have it cleaned

And have it ready by this morning.

I don't even know where her sweater is.

- I found it in your room and sent it to the cleaners.

- Mom, you're the end.

You saved my life.

Hey, how did you know it belonged to joyce?

- Her mother called.

Apparently, she was afraid you'd forget.

And apparently she was right.

(Audience laughs)

- [Kathy] it sure took you long enough.

- Mmm-hmm.

Sorry you had to come after this joyce.

I should have brought it over to your house.

- Oh, that's alright.

Oh gee, it's beautiful.

(Chuckles)

- What's so funny?

- Oh boy, am I ever going to give it to my mother.

- Why?

- Well, she was so sure you'd forget.

- Well, I might forgetsomebody else's sweater,

But not yours.

- You're the sweetest, thoughtfullest boy I know.

Well goodbye now.

Thanks.

- Pretty nice thing you did for bud,

Getting him out of that jam.

- That's what mothers are for.

I seen my duty and I done it.

- Mom!

You're the greatest.

- You're making too much of it.

- Ya, you made me just about the biggest man

In joyce's life.

- Well, I'm glad to see your mother getting credit

For some of the things she does for us.

- No kidding, mom, isn'tthere something I can do

To pay you back?

- Better take him up on it mother. He's delirious.

He may never feel this way again.

- Well, I'll think about it.

- I know what I'll do mom.

I'll build you a palaceout of solid ivory,

White, gleaming, sparkling.

- That reminds me bud, we're all out of toothpaste.

Would you pick some upat the drugstore please?

- Toothpaste?

Mom, I want to do something for you,

Something big.

- Alright, get the large economy size.

(Audience laughs)

- No kidding claude, I would have felt like two cents

If joyce knew I forgot all about her sweater.

Good ole mom.

I'm gonna have to pay her back some day.

- Ah, mothers don't expect anything.

They're always doing things for you.

They can't help it, it's their nature.

- Well, hang on a minute buster.

Not every tom, d*ck andharry can be a mother.

How to be a cook, a laundress,

A nurse - mr. Clark,

The guy you mow lawns for, his housekeeper does all that.

- Well ya, but she gets paid.

And gets a day off besides.

- Alright, you sold me.

A boy's best friend is his mother.

Got your car?

- Mmm-hmm.

- How about a ride home?

- Sure, wait til I get some toothpaste.

- Lovely, isn't it?

Toujours l'amour

Love always

- Mmm boy, sure like to get some of that for my mom.

I bet that stuff's pretty expensive, huh?

- $ .

Excuse me.

- Man, you're loaded.

- Ya, but it's not mine.

It's money I collected for the sunday school.

I gotta turn it in tomorrow.

- Hold it.

You've been mowing lawnsfor mr. Clark, right?

- Ya, I get paid this afternoon.

What good will that do?

He only owes me $ bucks.

- I bet mom would love that.

- Mr. Clark's a good friend of yours.

You could hit him for a $ . Advance.

- Ya, I guess so.

- Okay, you buy the perfume with the sunday school money,

Collect from mr. Clark and pay it back.

It's a cinch.

- I don't know.

Golly, I bet mom's never had a bottle of perfume that big

In her whole life.

- You said you wanted to do something to pay her back.

Well here's your chance.

Are you a man or a mouse?

- Perfume does so much for any woman.

Makes her feel appreciated,

Feminine, loved.

- I'll take it.

- Wrap it up for the man.

- Your mother is a very lucky woman.

- Hello bud.

- Mom?

- Yes dear.

- I was uh, I've beendoing a lot of thinking

Since you bailed me out this morning

- Oh that.

- No, not just that.

It's the million thingsyou do for me everyday.

- Well, it's nice to know that I'm appreciated.

But it's all in a day's work.

After all, I'm your mother.

- Well, sure, but after what you did for me this morning,

I felt I had to do something for you, or bust.

So, here's a littlepresent from me to you.

- Why bud!

- Put it away.

- What's that?

- It's nothing.

- Nothing indeed.

I think this is the nicest thing that ever happened.

- What's going on?

- Jim, bud just boughtme a beautiful present.

- What?

- What for?

It isn't christmas or your birthday.

- Well that's what makes it so wonderful.

He gave this to me just because,

Because I'm his mother.

- Nice going son.

- It's exquisite.

- Ooh, fancy - mmmm.

- Interesting.

- It's the biggest bottle of perfume I ever saw.

Boy, I bet bud had to mow a lot of lawns to buy that.

- Kathy, knowing howour bud worked for this

Makes it all the more precious to me.

Thank you bud.

I'm going right upstairs

And put this in a very special place at my dressing table.

- You know you two could tear a leaf out of bud's book

And show a little appreciation for your mother on your own.

- You know daddy, if you'd lend me $ dollars,

I could buy mommy a present too.

- Well that's just it, bud earned the money.

All by himself.

You'll find it's thosethings that you work for

That give you the most satisfaction.

Am I right bug?

- Yes sir.

Just the look on mom's face was worth

Mowing a thousand lawns.

Oh, mowing lawns!

I've got to get over to mr. Clark's.

It's payday.

(Knocking)

- Hello bud.

- Hi mrs. Finn.

- My, the lawn sure looks grand.

Mr. Clark was saying to me yesterday,

Ethyl, he said, that bud anderson's

The best lawn mower we've ever had.

Well, you're one boy who doesn't let any grass grow

Under his feet. (Laughs)

- Would you tell mr. Clark I'm here?

- I'd like to, only he's in chicago on a business trip.

He'll be back monday.

- But he can't.

I was counting on him to ...

I need ...

Mrs. Clark. Is she home?

- No, she went traipsing along too.

- But he can't do this to me.

It isn't fair.

- What in the worldare you mumbling about?

What's the matter, is something wrong?

(Phone rings)

Oh, there's that phone again.

Well, excuse me bud.

- Monday's too late

I have to have that money for sunday school tomorrow.

What am I going to do?

- [Bud voiceover] you just couldn't wait.

You had to make that grand-stand play, didn't you?

And don't give me that excuse you just borrowed the money.

What are you going to tell them when they ask you for it?

Big sh*t anderson.

- Claude.

Claude?

C'mon claude, I've gotta talk to you.

I'm in a jam.

- You don't look so hot.

What's the matter.

- I just came from mr. Clark's house.

- Don't tell me he wouldn't give you the $ . Advance.

- He's out of town.

He won't be back til monday.

Now, I can't even get the $ dollars

He owes me for mowing his lawn.

- Gee, that's tough.

How you gonna put back the $ . You took out

Of the sunday school fund?

- Ya, that's just it.

I've gotta have it by tomorrow morning.

(Whistles)

- Boy, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes.

- Alright, claude, do you got any money.

I'll give it back to you monday

When mr. Clark gets back in town.

- Sorry bud, I'm all tapped out.

- I guess you shouldn'thave bought that perfume

For your mother.

- You suggested it.

Go ahead, you told me.

Use the sunday school money.

Are you a man or a mouse.

Well, I'll tell you what I am.

A first-class goof.

I only took the % . Because I was counting on mr. Clark,

I was sure I could pay it back.

Now he's gone.

- Well I wish I could help you bud,

But I haven't any money either.

- What am I going to tell 'em tomorrow at sunday school

When they say where's the money for the needy children.

- Well, it's not the end of the world.

You just made a mistake.

Now let's see, how can you get that $ . ?

Mother?

- I can't ask her topay for her own perfume.

She was so happy.

Now I can't pull therug out from under her.

- Well I guess you'll have to go to the one

Who always gets you out of your jams.

- No, not this time.

You saw dad.

He practically gave me a medal of honor

For doing all my own.

Nope, can't go to him.

- What are you going to do?

- What do you think I'm going to do.

I have til tomorrow to raise that $ . .

I'll get it if I have to dig ditches.

Hey listen, don't go blabbing this around.

I got a lot of friendsin this town mr. Grover.

I'll bring in all kinds of business.

- I'd like to help you out bud, but I ...

- I'm a good salesman too.

Here, I'll give you a sample.

Good afternoon madam.

May I suggest our gourmet's delight.

Three scoops of ice creamdrenched with real fruit flavors

And sprinkled with chopped pecans.

- Just some aspirin anda glass of water please.

(Audience laughs)

(Audience laughs)

- That must be an awfully interesting book.

- Oh, yes it is. Very.

- Betty, is something troubling you?

- Margaret, you're going to have the prettiest lilacs

On maple street.

Oh-ho, you're a luckywoman to have a husband

With two green thumbs.

- Two black thumbs you mean.

You better get those cleaned up for dinner.

We're having steak.

- Steak huh?

How do you like that?

Bud's favorite food.

He sure knew which side his plate was buttered on

When he bought you that perfume.

By the way, where is bud.

- I haven't seen hidenor hair all afternoon.

- I think he said something about going out

To look for a job.

- He's already got one job mowing lawns for mr. Clark.

I guess when a boy goes around buying expensive gifts

He needs extra money.

- Oh, I hope he didn't spend too much on that perfume.

- Oh, probably just a few dollars.

- Well, it was $ . And mr. Clark didn't even pay him.

- My goodness. Sevendollars and fifty cents!

- Wait a minute.

If bud didn't get the money from mr. Clark,

How did he buy the perfume.

- I didn't mean that mr. Clark isn't really going to pay him

It's just that he can't, I mean,

He's going to be out of town until monday

And that puts bud in kinda an awful ...

I mean uh ...

- Just what do you mean princess?

- Oh, I feel terrible.

Bud asked me not to tell.

- Well, we wouldn't want you to violate his confidence,

But your brother seems to be in trouble.

- And we certainly want to help.

- Well, I guess I better start from the beginning.

- Oh, what a break mr. Brady.

This job's the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

- Look, look, kid, why don't you take a little breather.

You've got a few more hours to go, you know.

- Ya, okay.

Let's see, it's six o'clock. I oughta call home.

- Go ahead. It's on the house.

There a phone in the front office.

- Of all the fool things.

Taking money from the sunday school fund.

- Well, I know it sounds awful.

But he was counting on getting his own money from mr. Clark.

Well, how was he to know the man was going out of town.

- He was only trying to do something nice for mother.

He saw the perfume in the storeand he just couldn't resist.

- Oh, I know his heartwas in the right place,

But his head wasn't.

- Well couldn't we help him out jim?

- Sure, but what would that teach him?

He can't sail through life giving in to every impulse.

He's got to learn that every act has its consequences.

And before he starts something,he better think it through.

(Phone rings)

- I'll get it.

- I'm sure bud realizeswhat he did was wrong.

- Well he does now.

Let's hope the lesson sinks in.

- Hello.

- Besides, if I helped him now, it would cancel out

His good gesture to you.

Remember, bud has his pride too.

That's why he's trying to make it on his own.

So, let's give him a chance.

- It's bud, he's got a job.

Oh bud, that sounds gruesome.

Well, be careful and don't work too hard.

Bye.

- Well what's bud doing?

- He's working for a construction company

Unloading sacks of cement.

He won't be home until ten o'clock.

- Oh jim, we can't let him sl*ve like that.

Well, just to pay for my perfume.

- Well, we may as well let him go through with it now.

Cement, huh?

Poor bud.

He's learning the hard way.

(Audience laughs)

- Okay, take it away.

Well let's see.

Five hours at a buck and a half an hour,

I figure the company's on the hook for $ . .

- Great. Kid, you earned it.

There you are.

- Where's my money?

- The cashier only works til five.

Look, it's alright. Just bring the voucher in on monday.

- Monday?

What's the use. I'm jinxed. Ole joe anderson, that's me.

- What is all this?

- It's just a little snack.

- Ya, bud's going to be hungry when he gets home.

- You've got enough for a whole regiment.

He'll be a proud and happy boy when he charges in here

With the money jinglingin his pockets.

- Well we can't let on we know why he was working.

- And for pete's sake, don't let him know

That I spilled the beans.

- Roll out the carpet.

The conquering hero comes.

- Hi bud. - Hello.

- We were having a little midnight snack.

Care to join us?

- No thanks mom, I'm not hungry.

- I'm going to find outwhat this is all about.

- Not hungry?

Well, he must be sick.

- I don't think so.

Still, when bud won't eat, I'll admit,

It's something to think about.

- Can I have his dessert?

- Kathy!

Did you see his face?

I've never seen him look so unhappy.

- He worked like a dog for five hours

And now they can't pay him.

I'm so mad I could chew nails.

- I wish I had never seen that perfume.

Oh jim, you've got to do something.

- Alright, I'll go upstairs and try.

Anybody home?

- Ya, I guess so.

- You know bud, mothersare strange creatures.

They worry when their kids don't eat.

- Ya, I'm sorry dad, I just couldn't make it.

- Well, tomorrow's another day.

What was it that robert burns said?

The best laid plans of mice and men oft' go kaput.

I'm wondering is maybe something was wrong.

- No, no, everything's great.

I'm just tired.

- Oh bud, I'm sorry.

Mr. Clark stopped by my office this morning

Just before he went out of town.

He left this envelope.

It's for you.

- It's the lawn mowing money, man oh man!

Ya, well thanks dad.

A guy can always use a couple of bucks.

- Ya, I guess he can.

Do you suppose you could eat now?

Just to please your mother.

- Well, as long as mom's got something on the table,

I suppose I could go down and force myself.

Yaaaa!

- Well, who's this grinning idiot.

You sure don't act like the same character who dragged

Into the kitchen a few minutes ago.

- Here I was b*ating my brains out

And dad had the money all the time.

Hey, there' something fishy going on.

- What's the matter now?

- Mr. Clark only owed me $ dollars

And this is $ . ,

Just the amount I neededfor the sunday school.

Now, why do you suppose dad put this money in an envelope

And then made up that big story about mr. Clark?

- What difference does that make?

- The way I figure it,

Somebody must have doneto dad and squealed.

- Bud, I just couldn't stand to see you torturing yourself.

- The town crier.

Why didn't you take out a full-page ad while you were at it?

Or rent some billboard?

- Now just a minute, father's on your side.

He understands.

He just wanted to help you.

- Well ya,

- That's why he put themoney in the envelope.

He didn't want to hurt your pride.

- Alright, I guess so.

Ya, he probably thinks he's putting one over on me.

Ya, but the thinks he's pretty clever.

- So why don't we lethim keep on thinking so?

- A sterling idea.

We'll never let him know we know.

- You should have seen the look on bud's face

When I gave him the envelope.

- I thought you'd come up with something clever.

- I do say so margaret.

Sometimes the old man is pretty sharp.

- I hope he doesn't suspect anything.

- Why should he?

I'll catch clark beforehe gets hold of bud

And tell him what I done.

Bud will never know I bailed him out.

- Well, I wish you'd done this sooner.

It's been a hectic day.

- I wouldn't have done it at all

If I wasn't sure he'd learned his lesson.

I'd see the patient seems to be improving,

Wouldn't you nurse?

- Yes, he's ready to sit up and take a little nourishment.

(Audience laughs)

Say, how about that mr. Clark.

What a guy.

- Oh, why do you say that?

- Oh, well, here he was rushing off on a business trip

Probably got a million things on his mind,

But still he had time to think about bud anderson,

Just the kid who mows his lawn.

- Oh, I'd say that speaks well for him.

- Ya, and putting all that money in the envelope for me.

You know something dad?

I think mr. Clark's a lot like you.

He'd sure make a wonderful father.

(Audience applauds)