01x15 - Still Romancing

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

morning Brian mom can I ask you

something now don't make a big deal

on this but there's this girl at school

and oh baby boy has his first crush and

he's coming to tell me about it I think

I'm gonna cry okay first of all thank

you for not overreacting I'm sorry honey

go ahead I really like this girl and I

was wondering if I should do something

special for her today Brian you should

do something special for her every day

because women love it when you make the

effort we're very sensitive it's just

that since today's Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day Off son of a crap now I

gotta waste my whole lunch hour finding

something for your father okay what am I

gonna get what am I going to come Oh

morning honey happy valentine's day and

a happy Valentine's Day to you too my

little balance I'm going to call your

aunt linda you and your sisters go over

there after school I'll figure out the

rest later what pentland has plans on

Valentine's Day I don't make fun of your

aunt Lin junk so on what you gonna do

about Bonnie you know the girl that I

like it's cool Oh her name is Bonnie

isn't it sweet Brian in fact mom oh oh

maybe those little candy hearts that

have the funny things on them she thinks

I'm a dork yeah what if Brian pudding Oh

Lord leave your brother alone yeah shut

up I'll just give her the card you were

gonna give to Derrick Montgomery here

Jax Montgomery hot it's a fake card that

I knew you'd steal darn you got me if

only I'd stolen the real card know the

one where he's too good to be forgotten

that's a lot of math for you horn all

right you two stop it right now bright

and give me both those cards now which

one of these should I give to your

father

[Applause]

[Music]

wow really cool Eddie's ladies we're

back inside hey you don't have to shave

your legs happy Valentine's Day

sweetheart happy Valentine's Day you

look amazing ooh fancy underwear candles

no kids looks like I'm getting some gay

let's get crackin

hold on how about a little romance a

little sweet talk I'm sorry let's get

cracking baby valentine's Day you're

right besides it'd be rude to open your

present before you read your car oh

[Applause]

happy valentine's day my love every day

you take my breath away now hold your do

it again do it again no he's the one day

in the year you're supposed to show you

love and you get me a card like this I'm

sorry I thought it would make you laugh

it was the last one I had to fight some

guy to get it well guess what bill he

won he's having sex right now why are

you wearing boots look forgot to shave

your legs I should not these boots are

sexy maybe the strip joint in Fairbanks

fine i forgot Valentine's Day got home

three seconds before you did not wipe my

stinky pits with a kitchen sponge and

you got me a fart card and call me crazy

bill but i think the romance is dead

baby we've been together 20 years of

course the romance is dead

come on honey what's wrong don't you

miss the time before we had kids when we

would play little games and read each

other dirty notes it's like we don't

even try anymore I don't see what the

problem is we have sex all the time yeah

and to tell you the truth after 20 years

sometimes it seems a little routine oh

you're bored are you daddy's not shaking

it enough for you well yeah you know

it's not like you've been trying much

either I mean your favorite come on is

come on let's do it I gotta take a

shower anyway know why you are right and

we both need to take responsibility here

we both need to make an effort to spice

things up effort now there's a word that

turns me on I think I can make you like

that word I'll say responsibility on my

neck I know let's pick a day and you do

something special for me and I'll do

something special for you like what and

please don't say rose petals on the bed

because I sweat and they'll stick it

won't be pretty all right piece of cake

I'll do it tonight prepare to be

surprised yes own bill you can't just

get naked jump out of the closet and

yell surprise and I'm gonna need more

time

hey brought brownies so why are we

watching said he's gonna rescue the

princess then they live happily ever

after well isn't that sweet yeah Linda

thought she was dating a handsome prince

too right up until the time she realized

he didn't even have a job and that's why

she's been paying for every meal for the

past six months and one time rent on

time can i watch this in their room

where it's quiet maybe oh let me guess

he's our breakup brownies well they

started off if anniversary brownies then

they were who's that who answered

the phone brownies and they were sorry I

called your mother who here we are

that's horn I hear your sister but I

smell brownies you walk into this house

with baked goods it's like throwing Chum

in the water don't worry about our

surprise tomorrow I got it all planned

so do i oh what's that about Oh

Valentine's Day t*nk so we both promised

to do something romantic for each other

when you got planned oh it's a surprise

you got I got nothing I got caught up in

the moment now I'm screwed he's probably

in there telling Karl about his big

planet I got nothing he thinks it's

looking for something sexy to spice

things up apparently she's bored sounds

to me like she wants you to bring home a

lady friend no no hey hey Brian all are

you really grown you you just saw me

yesterday at the end of the week you'll

be huge

dad can I ask you something sure well

there's this girl I like Bonnie and mom

told me to buy her flowers and candy for

Valentine's Day but I chickened out

smart move that's too risky she turns

you down you're standing in the middle

of the hall with flowers and candy you

might as well walk over to the toilet

put your head in them wait for the

football team what do I do casual stare

at her cr*ck your knuckles that goes

over hey try slipping a note in her

locker you know and I liked a girl I

used to get her to trade lunches with me

then I'd pretend that her lunch gave me

food poisoning then she'd go out with me

oh sure I knew was out of pity let me

tell you something about a pity date

still a date yeah trust me if I cover

myself in chocolate it's gonna be more

about the chocolate okay what about this

a friend of mine did this thing that was

so crazy and so nasty and she felt uh

pretty cheap about it afterwards but I

was still worth it it was you wasn't it

oh yeah just when she thought I couldn't

throw up anymore she said good god Carl

that's enough I'll go out with I think

I'll try putting a note in her locker

good choice that's how I first got your

mom's attention what'd you say in the

note I asked her if she wanted to go out

by the dumpsters and get high school

over more quickly by

I studying harder after we finished

studying we went over to arbys and last

wow I can't do that not Craig not your

rights too daring for a married woman

who's a mother free Oh screw you I'm

doing it I'm than you are

[Music]

excuse me you got something under your

coat day ma'am me no I'm just here to

have lunch with my husband Bill Miller

he worked it out in bass where's ever

heard of him bill bath where's he's got

this tall cute great smile kind of wears

his beer you know what I mean why don't

you let just open your coat and I did my

job and I can take my little paycheck

and go home I'm not wearing anything

underneath this for lunch with my

husband Oh guy is just that some people

come in here with nothing on under their

coat because they want to steal my stuff

yeah it's a crazy world either you open

your coat are you gonna have to come

along with me

[Music]

where have you been d be patient for 20

minutes Judy you'll forgive me but here

in the words Bill Miller to security has

never been good news in the past are you

doing here you thought I was shoplifting

what why are you wearing a trench coat

in high heels I was making an effort

how's that making an effort oh that's

that two-way mirror into the Security

office I'm sorry but you know what those

guys have the entire Girls Gone Wild

video collections cheer from them means

a lot come on they care like that for

any naked woman yeah you're right no I'm

sorry this is my fault what do you mean

well he only did this because she got

the sexy note I wrote you what note

about your hot body and meeting me for a

hot time what else did I say a little

privacy be mine oh I didn't get any note

how could you not get the note i put it

in your lunch well I didn't pack a lunch

today who took a lunch today hey Brian

hey Bonnie listen there's something I

wanted to give you

my lunch I was wondering if you wanted

to trade punches okay the mine thanks

that's fine I i wove egg salad didn't

give me mayonnaise mayonnaise doesn't

close up my throat at all Oh what's a

note bill it wasn't embarrassing it was

romantic I talked about how I loved your

we should probably get it back Brian

lunch period starts in 15 minutes we'll

just be in time let's go I need

something to wear huh uh let's see what

we got here in the lost and found ah

snack okay what can you do with an

umbrella and three pairs of sunglasses

[Music]

down Brian Miller I'm Brian don't get

lost

Brian oh no I was praying it with it you

what are you talking about you kid said

I saw hooker and her parole officer

walking around enough I don't want to be

my parents it is you when we need your

lunch there's been a little mix-up no

big deal I trade it with Barney why

would you do think why would you trade

your lunch I didn't think it was that

big of a deal what it is a big deal why

because there's something that shouldn't

be what cholesterol silent I tell your

new girlfriend are you son are you are

you all right Brian where can we find

harmony she just left my office seeing

she found a note in her lunch three

chairs no waiting let's go I don't have

to do what she says excuse me Brian no

more lift she's the principal forgot

I didn't think you'd written a note

Brian an Honors English student wouldn't

have used the word hat twice in one

sentence and misspelled bodacious I was

in a hurry you're free to go so I'm not

gonna get suspended no not even for a

few days just until everyone forgets

they were here Brian I've known your

parents since they were students they'll

be back every day sweetheart it's

loading we're all adults here sure what

the hell I'll make that leap ill made a

mistake he bought it with my lunch we're

just trying to have a little fun you

remember fun chasing after the Model T

taking the trolley down to the picture

show painting dinosaur eggs for Easter

if you want to use history to insult me

you might try passing it first you

should both be ashamed of yourselves

writing these kinds of notes we've been

together for a long time and we were

just trying to spice things up and you

thought this grammatically incorrect

juvenile nonsense would spice things up

miss Bowden I'm sorry this ended up in

Brian's lunch but I'm a little too old

to be sitting here getting a grammar

lesson what I was trying to do was show

my wife how much I love her feel this is

so sweet and so nasty I know see bill

that's all I need to or something every

now and then I'll give you a little

something at me now are you two ever

gonna grow up are you gonna go through

life like a couple of horny teenagers

the old it to hear that call this horny

teenagers yes I did and this time she's

gone too far no bill it's a good thing

or maybe not far enough horny teenagers

we're not boring we still got your right

Judy we still do got it still do got it

please get out of my office before I

take back your diploma

[Music]

okay Brian listen funny I'm so sorry no

I'm the one who's sorry stupid friends

sort of passed around the note and mrs.

Bowden got it and now I'll never get it

back you want to bet well yeah it was

great are you most boys are aged right

such lame notes do you like me to check

yes or no oh yeah yes who would write

that not me that's who I bet that's

where we should go apologize I like you

Brian you're different give him a hundy

judy judy trust me doesn't want to

associate his first kiss with a hug from

his hooker mother yeah band practice

thank you we did you see those moves I

think our little boy is gonna be quite

the ladies man

[Music]

Julie I felt bad about everything that's

happened and I just wanted to make it up

to you bill that is so sweet think they

do it with boxes too

[Music]