01x21 - Still Mom

[bunniefuu]

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Hey yep here's my paycheck i canti was

it that's what I do well tell me hope

you feel better yeah we'll do it another

time okay you two fight hey honey guess

what should I just want to enjoy the one

minute between the terrible week I just

had in the exhausting weekend I'm sure

ahead of me and once you got for me well

one thing we don't have a dinner with

the karlsen's dam broke his collarbone

yes I mean I can't fake it yes mommy

what colors flour so we really have to

plant something in New York City you I

felt like Fred honey so what else we got

this weekend ah nothing no soccer

matches no mass tournaments oh my god we

have a free weekend we have to be

careful because the last time this

happened we had too much time on our

hands we wound up under the chocolate

how do you spell welcome wel c om e i

was resting nice omni anna n/a n/a wait

a minute welcome Nana what are you doing

he can welcome me on outside oh honey we

only make those banana comes to visit I

know she called and asked me if she

could come visit okay my mom moves slow

maybe we still have time to tell him not

to come it's bring it pick up the cop to

cop pyramid here maybe she's just here

for the day and he's got a big suitcase

oh sorry bill huh I just need one more

second to feel good about myself I'm a

good man of a good man I'm good MA

an appearance we hello Julie my okay

Judy oh I see you still like you're here

like that good for you pink so we didn't

know you were coming you don't want me

here maybe I should just call my mom

don't leave look look I made you sign

[Applause]

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look at my mother in there being all

loving and sweet with her grandkids pull

off the mask mom let him see who you

really are oh she's a divorced woman

with no kids and a half maybe she's just

lonely why couldn't my dad I got in

custody of me when they got divorced

because you were 36 I already had

custody of you how is it not that bad

because it's your family and not mine

I'm glad you find my pain so amusing oh

please you laughed at me why I was in

labor and my defense I was drunk here

she comes with her demands well I'll

tell you this time I'm not gonna let her

guilt me into doing everything she wants

Billy a minor take my pill in the next

minute I could collapse but I can wait

coming and then your dad wet himself at

the circus and why we used to call her

mr. tinkle babe i love it without a

visit all right kids everybody upstairs

oh they are so sweet so mom big surprise

you showing up what's not a surprise I

told Tina yeah well maybe next time you

could tell us then we could plan for it

better well I thought she'd wash your

children to get to know their

grandmother but if not I can just take

those three buses back to Joliet maybe I

can get a seat next to that nice y know

a little unruly the more he drinks

didn't mean it that way please don't go

I don't know I think you like I'm not

wanted please stay please everybody

wants you to stay the kids I mean Judy

mom please please put down your bag all

right thank you mom oh really stood your

ground in there especially during the

mommy please please stay park

how she doesn't oh I do I've been

watching this game for 16 years now yo

the one where your mom picks on you and

and you get upset and then she acts hurt

and then she guilts you into begging her

to stay like this again they keep saying

it until you listen it takes two to play

this game all i have to do is stop

taking the bait the next time she makes

you miserable just didn't know what no

Judy all I have to do is sit her down

and talk to her like an adult in her

mind I'm still Billy she doesn't realize

I'm a grown man okay but before you have

this conversation give me the heads-up

because I'm going to want to pull up a

chair and pop some popcorn you know mom

you don't have to sleep on the couch

stay in one of the kids rooms they could

sleep that mean oh no I wouldn't work

for anyone out but I do like to watch TV

late so if you need to charge me for the

extra electricity that's fine I'm not

gonna charge you for Ellington listen

listen mom you need to talk you know I

think want to make this visit more

pleasant for everyone is if we treat

each other like his dolls I mean I'm a

grown man really something's the matter

with your TV all the channels are wrong

we have a different cable system than

your mom that's all now what I'm saying

is I'm about amaral is on 42 it's my

house and look what's up 42 years a

little Chinese movie it's the cable

system mom now if you'll just hear me

out I'm amazing your remote is but no 53

emerald there you go you should really

call that cable cuffing get those

channels experience it's the cable

system mom there's nothing wrong with

our TV maybe I should just go oh

alright what was your way again what

happened to the adult conversation got a

little off track by the way the cable

guy is coming tomorrow so you're gonna

help me or what okay the first step is

to ignore home when she's trying to bait

you come on bill why don't you worry

about what those pants I bought you a

belt for your birthday what are you

doing I'm Dan your mom well quibus Oh

Billy if you don't like about you can

give it back can i'll return I'm serious

cut it out bill i am not going to stop

until you give me the right answer

because God knows she's not gonna stop

Billy give me the belt I'll return it

Judy no mom don't return it I really

like it that's exactly wrong that's what

you always do your appeasing huh so what

am I supposed to say say nothing that

way she has no place to go you see I

guess it's worth a try that's my boy

give me kiss cover Yeah right like

that's gonna happen tonight maybe I

should just go

thank you for taking me to the bank

Billy I pleasure I don't like these

minivans there are too many buttons and

this street too far back and move the

seat if you want to but there is a

button involved I know thanks I can just

be uncomfortable God knows it's not as

bad as your couch did you hear me Billy

I heard you I just didn't have anything

dad kind of a smart remark was that

wasn't a smart remark it's just that

you're trying to make me angry and I'm

not gonna take the bait don't do that

what kind of a mother would try to make

her son angry I'm not saying that you're

doing this on purpose I'm just in it

maybe since you don't have a lot going

on in your life right now this is the

only way you know to get attention I'm

sorry you feel that way maybe I should

try to work on that behavior all right

what are you doing

I walk I don't want to make you stuff

for another minute that's how much I

love you this is exactly what I'm

talking about you're just doing this to

get a rise out of me but it's not gonna

work the lights green I'm gonna drive

away I can't believe it I did it I

didn't give it I drove away yes indeedy

Bill Miller just drove away from his mom

so far away I can't even see her anymore

I can't even see her anymore I thought I

just drove away from my mom Millie you

went to the bank hours ago where you

been you know how you said if I didn't

take the bait my mother wouldn't know

what to do well she thought of something

did yep she hopped out of the car

refused to get back here wow she's good

what you do I drove away you drove away

hey what's going on I lost Nana what oh

he just left her at the side of the road

and drove away you drove away Jeff lost

me enough you lost Nana I crawled away

don't worry I'm sure she'll be fine oh

good a recent picture case we need to

make flyers hello oh yes I made it your

father threw me out of the car and drove

away I'm okay I didn't throw you out of

the car plus I went right back to look

for you but you were already gone

where'd you go Louise oh well I walked

around looking for bus stop and then I

noticed this little shop had a sign in a

window help wanted well one thing led to

another and i have a job got a job here

in chicago it was your idea Billy you

told me to do something else with my

life instead of bothering you and I did

it where'd you find a job

family business they rent videos and

sell some adult knickknacks okay careful

don't knickknacks yes it's on Lincoln

Avenue it's called play 10 video you got

a job in playpen video yes you've heard

yes I mean no I mean well you're working

in an adult video store well actually we

rent videos of all ratings which can be

confusing for instance there are two

versions of a Howard stand okay and

they're also two versions of the firm

all right all right mom I get it oh well

I have got to go take a bath it has been

one long exciting day and I've got to be

at work early in the morning apparently

a lot of tapes are dropped off between

8-9 it's two hours away how do you file

have a nice bath Louise okay okay my

mother is moving to Chicago to sell

adult knickknacks I gotta go talk about

no she's gotta get in the tub maybe in a

while oh poor don't you see she made up

this whole story to get eight you she's

part never even been in that store Billy

could use it that silver bag for me ed

my manager wants me to try some of the

oils were thinking of selling there you

go MA thank you you know some of these

oils are edible my salad

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hey guys your turn ger tar are five

points added up wait a minute that isn't

even an hour this is a pee that you

turned into an are all right give you

the marker p spill what tap oh I'm

looking forward to seeing her yeah yeah

so where is she cheat out where I don't

know listen do I ask about your mother

no and her surgery went well thank you

got nothing milf mom got a job and he's

not too happy about so what's she doing

she works in a cafeteria no I think it's

good for old people to work my mom

didn't I'd have to mama I thought you

were working late tonight oh I must have

read the schedule wrong Carl Gerald I

heard your mother surgery went well yes

and thank you oh and Linda aren't you

still just the cutest thing you could be

Judy's younger sister hey I'm sure

younger sister oh it's you why don't you

go relax on the couch or upstairs and

your mom just got home for her come to

Miller sit down how was your day well it

was very busy I never knew so many

people like I think I got a word here

ribat boo anybody want a challenge come

on bill your mom's talking here so where

is this place you work I might have

eaten there oh well we don't really sell

food I mean we do have some things that

are edible but people usually vote at

home

oh so it's like a Wendy's or something

yeah yeah it's just like a Wendy's well

no it's not a Wendy's it's called

playpen video okay cravat boo I'm gonna

challenge my own word could you hand me

the dictionary you work at place video

on Lincoln Avenue I'll just sit there me

neither they put a cafeteria in a

playpen video I guess they do read the

suggestion box yes there's anything you

need you just let me know for instance

we're having a big sale on leather thong

all right all right I know what's going

on here you're just trying to bait me

into yelling at you so you get to feel

bad well I'm not gonna give you the

satisfaction I'm not gonna yell at you I

[Laughter]

think we both know what's going on here

you're punishing me by working at that

store you don't know what you're talking

about I just got a job oh really cuz I

thought your job is to make me feel bad

about myself cuz you made a career out

of that I see where you go I will be

standing at your aunt Doris's until I

find my own apartment knock it off we

both know you're not moving to Chicago

you just do it all this for attention

well if that's how you feel you never

have to give me attention again okay

fine mom leave that way you get to blame

me for being a horrible sound it doesn't

want you around going on I'm leaving

goodbye duty by Judy she really left

what am I supposed to do now oh don't

worry bill it's all part of her game

she's not really leaving she's walking

down the steps she's not going anywhere

she put down the bag see I told you

she's hailing a cab ha she is not gonna

get a cab she got a cab

and she's gone you guys get back in here

Linda's trying to cheat by using the

word wasps you mean was oh

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ok so this is the p*rn shop my mom

works in and I probably shouldn't have

said that out how are you looking at I'm

a real womans if freakier

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she do what are you gonna do no look at

some p*rn what do you think hey can I

help you sir mom I'm not here to buy

anything well then are you sure you want

to talk to me because it is my job to

make you feel bad about yourself okay is

there someplace we can talk we can top

right here this is just like any other

store girl-on-girl far wall thanks no

what is it I feel bad about what

happened the other day and as mad as i

get you my mom and I love you I don't

want to fight with you anymore well

thank you you're welcome now grab your

things let's head back to the house not

going anywhere but you want i apologize

i give up game over this isn't a game

come on you know he only took this job

because of what happened in the car you

mean when you threw me out isn't throw

you out of the car you know what forget

it Billy wait all right I admit it I

took this job to make you feel guilty

that's not why I'm keeping it I like it

here you like working in a p*rn store I

like working all my life I took care of

your father and the family when that was

gone I had no purpose but now I have

some place to go and I have my own money

and I feel good about myself do we have

shaving Ryan's privates aisle three what

about the house of joliet well maybe

I'll sell it it's too big for me anyway

hey I'll found myself at a bachelorette

pad here in the city you know I ever met

divorce a really gonna keep working here

yes I'm glad all this has happened the

best thing you ever did for me was

kicking me out of that car I did leave

you're welcome

so you gonna come by tonight for dinner

oh don't get all clingy Billy I have a

life she's gonna keep working here and I

think she's gonna be all right well do

you feel better yeah I think my mother

and I might finally be on our way to a

more adult relationship rusty I'd like

to introduce you to my son bill nice to

meet you hey of course I used to call

him mr. tinkle pants but not anymore cuz

he's your big boy you have a copy of two

cheeks notice winda burger what are you

doing here getting directions tell you

what i can see you here you didn't see

me here hey there's no cafeteria in this

place

[Laughter]

[Applause]

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I would imagine

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