06x15 - Bud Hides Behind a Skirt

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Father Knows Best". Aired: October 3, 1954 - May 23, 1960.*
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The series, which began on radio in 1949, follows the lives of the Andersons, a middle-class family living in the town of Springfield.
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06x15 - Bud Hides Behind a Skirt

Post by bunniefuu »

(dramatic music)

- [Announcer] Robert Young,

and Jane Wyatt,

with Elinor Donohue, Billy Gray and Lauren Chapin,

in Father Knows Best.

(perky music)

- I feel like a real square with all this

corny junk on my car.

- If the Student Councilsponsors a Safe Driving Campaign

the least you can do is support it.

- Big deal!

(car horn honking)

(audience laughing)

How 'bout that, huh?

- Bud, you just ran through a boulevard stop!

- Yeah well what, what boulevard stop?

- The one that's been there for years.

- Well I, I didn't mean to do it, I just didn't see it.

- Well how could you,you're driving too fast!

This is a -mile zone!

- Well, as long as there's no gendarme around,

I'm in the clear. (audience laughing)

Let me show you how she digs out

since I jazzed up the carburetor!

(tires squealing)

Now, now watch!- What are you gonna do?

- Come on! - Oh Bud!

(tires squealing)

(siren wailing)

(brakes squealing)

You got a ticket or I miss my guess.

Hear that?

- No, no he's not after me.

I uh, I checked and no one was tailing me.

- That's what you thought the last time.

- Yeah.

One more ticket and they'll suspend my driver's license.

(siren wailing)

You know Betty, uh, if he shows up,

you talk to him, uh,

maybe you can think up a good excuse.

I'd better disappear. - Hey, hey wait a minute!

You come back here!

What do you want me to do?

Tell him my brother hasa bad case of jitters

and may I take care of the ticket for you?

- Would you do that for me?

(audience laughing) - What?

- I wouldn't want to lose my license!

If Dad finds out he, he'd ground me

and he'd take the car away!

- That's your ownfault, I can't save you!

- Yes you can, uh, why don't

you let him think you were driving?

- Me, oh no!

- Well, well, y-you just offered to help,

you practically promised! - I did no such thing!

- Yes you did, you said "What do you want me to do?"

Okay, you can save my life!

(siren wail fading)

- Bud Anderson, I've never had a traffic ticket!

- Well, so you'll get off real easy!

- No! - Just throw me a life line!

- Oh, I,- You might even be able

- Bud! - to talk your way out of it!

- For heaven's sakes! - Betty I wouldn't ask you

to do it if I thought you'd get in trouble,

because you won't!

- Well all the ridiculous things to ask!

Come back here--

- You can't let me down Betty!

(suspenseful music)

(audience laughing)

- My, aren't we in a hurry?

- Oh, hello Officer.

- I almost lost you, until I saw that

rubber you peeled offcoming in the driveway.

May I see your driver's license?

- Uh...

(audience laughing)(comically tense music)

I'm afraid I don't have it with me.

(audience laughing) Must be in another purse.

- What a shame.

Would you mind getting it please?

- Well of course ifyou don't mind waiting.

- Oh I'm always waiting for somebody.

- Oh. (audience laughing)

(comically plucky music)

- Betty! (audience laughing)

I'm sorry.

- Gosh you better get out there and help me out!

- I, I'll make it up to you some way Betty,

I-I'll do anything you ask!

- Well you better thinkif something quick

and get me off the hook!

- Well I'll, I'll see if I can'ttalk him out of the ticket!

I-I'll fix it in some way!

- All I can say is start fixing!

(audience laughing)

- Greetings Officer!

- How are you. - Have a nice cold

glass of milk? (audience laughing)

Some fresh fruit?

(audience laughing)

- No thanks.

This is your car, huh?

- Yes sir, both my sister and I use it.

Couldn't you let her off this time officer?

She's uh, she never had a ticket before.

She's a real careful driver.

- I can see that.

Even advertises it.

- Yeah.

You know uh, my Dad buys a lot of tickets

to the policeman's benefit.

- Well we sureappreciate his interest.

(audience laughing)

- I was uh, I was thinking onceabout becoming a policeman.

I think it's a real great profession.

- We can always use good men in the force.

(audience laughing)

- Trouble is, I uh, I wouldn't have the heart to,

give anyone a ticket.

- Chicken huh? (audience laughing)

Funny thing though, you see the way

some people drive you get to where

you feel like you're doing them a favor.

- Yeah I see what you mean.

Well, look Officer,

couldn't you just forget it this time?

I-I know my sister wouldn't deliberately break

any traffic rules, honest.

She's the greatest.

- I'm sorry I kept you waiting.

- That's okay.

I had a nice chat with your brother.

(audience laughing)- What are you going to

charge her with sir?

- Well Miss Anderson, you ran through a boulevard stop,

and I don't suppose you would have been

speeding to keep me fromcatching you, would you?

- Oh no, oh no that would be breaking the law!

(audience laughing) And you know, about those, uh,

those boulevard stops, well, you know

you can slip by those without even seeing them.

- You see 'em if you slow down.

(audience laughing)

It's too bad youdidn't have your

driver's license with you Miss.

I had to put that on your citation too.

Now if you'll sign right there please.

- No no, don't sign Betty, hold it!

- What are you trying to do young fellow?

Interfere with an officer's doing his duty?

- Oh but does she have to sign a confession?

Can't we just talk it over, or-

- It's just routine, it's not an admission of guilt,

it says so right there.

All you have to do issign it and take it down

to the Traffic Bureau for disposition.

- Well what will they do to her?

- Bud will you please stay out of this

or you'll make things worse.

- Thank you.

You have a lot of nice sentiments there.

Living up to them savesa heap of trouble.

Bye now.

(comically tense music)

- Gee I, I hate a guy like that, all, all oily and nice

and all the time he's giving you the chop.

Gee I, I really am sorry,

I-I couldn't talk him out of the ticket.

- Well you better talk somebody out of it!

This is the silliest nitwittiestthing I've ever done!

- Sh!

- What was the policemandoing in our driveway?

- Uh, a policeman

(audience laughing) in our driveway?

- Oh I heard his motorcycle and I saw him leave

from the upstairs window.

- Oh uh, a motorcycle policeman.

Well that was, uh, just a,

policeman on a motorcycle. (audience laughing)

- You may as well know mother, he,

was giving me a traffic ticket.

- (sighs) You, a traffic ticket?

But Betty, what did you do?

- Uh, practically nothing.

Uh, we just, uh,didn't see a stop sign.

- And I didn't have my driver's license (laughs).

Because I didn't know I'd be chauffeuring today.

(audience laughing) - I'm surprised

that Bud would let you take the wheel of his precious car.

- Oh there, there are times when he doesn't mind.

(audience laughing) - Uh, Dad's coming,

let's change the subject.

- But, but why all the secrecy?

Well there's no use telling Father.

You know how he feelsabout traffic violators.

- Yeah he'd uh, he'd just ask a lot of questions

and-and there's no reason to make a big thing out of this.

- But you know I don't like to keep things from your father!

- I'll tell him myself later Mother but,

right now will youplease go along with me?

(stammering) - Yeah Mom, woman to woman,

now we can take care of this.

(audience laughing) Hi Dad!

- Hello everybody!

- How are you dear?

- Couldn't be better!

I uh, like those safe driving slogans

you have on your car, son.

I hope you practice what they preach

when you're behind the wheel!

- Oh I will, I will!

- Lately you've been collecting traffic tickets

like green stamps. (audience laughing)

- I'll get it for you dear. - Thank you.

Oh thanks.- Well let's not

exaggerate Dad, I uh,I've only got a couple.

(tapping)

But from now on I'm gonna take the straight and narrow!

- Good!

- Well uh, better wash up for dinner!

Come on Betty!

(furtive music)

(audience laughing)

(telephone ringing)

- Hello?

Yes she's here.

For you Princess.

Betty?

- Oh.

Thank you.

Hello?

Oh, yes Irene.

Student Council meeting tonight?

- Bill Carter wants us to elect a chairman

for the Safe Driving Campaign,

and you've been permanently mentioned.

You know, student leader type,

someone above reproach with

a clean traffic record and all that?

- Well um...

(audience laughing)

I'm afraid I don't qualify for the job of Chairman.

Besides I couldn't possibly be there tonight.

- Why not?

If you come you're a cinch to get elected!

And it's quite a plumb!

- Well, (audience laughing)

it's been a rough day.

And I've (sighs), got a splitting headache.

I, I'm sorry I can't make it Irene.

Bye.

(audience laughing) - You have a headache?

- Well, (sighs), I-I just don't feel up to,

council meeting tonight, mother.

I feel terrible.

- [Student] Good Irene, they have a lot

of good points here. - Very good, I'll--

- [Student] Look howfar it takes you to stop

uh, going at certain speeds.

- Well, before we talk about a chairman for

our Safe Driving Campaign, I'd like

you all to know that I've arranged

with the Traffic Bureau to pass along

the names of student violators.

I figure it will make them think twice

if they know they're gonna be

hauled up before the student council.

- Good.- Right.

- Maybe we can make the show-offs

with the hot rods take it easy.

- That's the idea.

The meeting is now open for nominations for Chairman.

- I nominate Betty Anderson.

She has a lot of drive and enthusiasm

for any job she tackles.

- I second the nomination.

- I think Betty's a natural.

I move we elect her unanimously.

- Fine, fine. - I second!

- May I have a showing of hands?

- Well I'm for that, I think she'd

- Fine, so moved. - be a good choice!

(plucky music)

(telephone ringing)

- Hello?

Oh yes Irene.

Well just as a precaution she went to bed.

Any message?

She was elected Chairman of the Safe Driving Campaign?

Oh oh that's wonderful!

I'm sure she'll feel betterwhen she hears that (chuckles)!

(audience laughing)

Well thanks for calling Irene!

Good bye!

Margaret!

(poignant music)

- Gee I'm, I'm sorry you had

to pass up that council meeting.

- Well it's, it's what I get for

going out on a limb for you.

Oh I'd love to be chairman of that campaign.

But I'd feel pretty silly getting elected

after taking a traffic ticket.

- I uh, I wish I hadn't asked 'ya.

I'm, I'm sorry Betty.

Uh, j-just give me a little time

to figure an angle, and I

- Oh no, no!- I promise you,

you'll be in the clear.

(mumbles), you see, once we get the fine taken care of

the whole thing will blow over.

- Well obviously--

(knocking) - Betty?

I have a message for you.

Are you awake Betty?

(comically furtive music) (audience laughing)

- Get off!

Is that you Father?

Come in!

- I hope we didn't wake you Princess,

but, we've got great news!

Now hold on!

At the Student Council meeting tonight,

you were unanimously elected

Chairman of the Safe Driving Campaign!

- No! (audience laughing)

- [Margaret] Yes!

- Why so surprised?

I think they made the perfect choice!

An outstanding student,

with an unblemished driving record.

- What's all the racket about?

- Yeah hey what's going on?

- Hey kids Bettywas just elected

Chairman of the Safe Driving Campaign!

- [Kathy] Yeah?

- Uh, no kidding? (audience laughing)

Hey that's great!

- Instead of being a chairman, would she be a chair-girl?

(audience laughing) - Ah, but it's a

man-size job, kitten!

- Why didn't they elect a man?

- You should be very proud!

Your mother and I are.

What, don't you want to be Chairman?

- Of course I do Father.

But, this, just comes at a bad time.

I-I'm awfully busy.

- Now look Betty, I knowthis is supposed to be

woman-to-woman but, well this thing

seems to be getting out of hand.

Don't you think you ought to tell your father

what happened today?

- What happened?

- All right.

I, got a traffic ticket.

(poignant music)

- Well, all I can say is, you have a genius for bad timing.

Is that the reason you ducked out

on the council meeting tonight?

- Yes.

- Well why didn't you tell me?

Since when have my childrennot been able to confide in me?

- Well I-I know how you feel about obeying traffic rules.

And this was such a stupid thing.

I, I didn't wantanybody to know.

- Hmm.

- Well, it won't help the Safe Driving Campaign

if it gets around that the new chairman

got a citation on the very first day she was elected.

- Well gee it was only her first one!

- Look, maybe if Betty doesn't have to appear

at the Traffic Bureau, no one will know about it!

- Bud a city ordinance requires all young drivers

to appear in person to pay their fines,

and take a refresher course in driver regulations.

That way uh, they're more likely not to come back again.

Well, come on everybody, let's let Betty get some sleep.

- [Margaret] Come on angel, here we go,

off to bed. - I'm telling you Dad,

- Goodnight Betty. - if she has to go down there,

she's bound to be recognized.

And-and-and it'll get around the campus, and

and-and people'll start chewing her up,

and the whole campaign will take a nose dive!

- Well I'm afraid that's a risk she'll have to take.

Unless that fertile brain of hers can figure out

a way she can go down there and still not be seen.

(laughs) Of course of she were twins...

(comical music)

(audience laughing)

(comically tense music)

(audience laughing)

- Name.

(audience laughing) - Betty Anderson.

- That'll be $ .

(audience laughing)

- $ ?

- That's what it saysMiss, three violations.

(audience laughing)

, , five...

(audience laughing)

.

Yeah, pretty expensive afternoon joyride.

- Boy I'll say.

(audience laughing)

- What's that?

- It was!

- Thank you.

Wait a minute.

Here's your receipt.

And you better take one of these booklets.

Have to study up on traffic regulations you know.

It's required reading.

(comical music)

(audience laughing)

- Oh excuse me. - Excuse me Miss.

(audience laughing)

Hey!

(audience laughing)

- Everything's fine, Dad!

Betty's citation iscleverly and discreetly

taken care of, no fuss, no muss!

- Uh just one little flaw, Bud.

- Flaw?

- The Student Council found out Betty got a ticket

and asked for her resignation.

- What do, you mean she's out?

Well, how could, how could they know,

when Betty wasn't even at the Traffic Bureau?

- But I thought she hadto appear in person?

- Well I uh, I handled that so she didn't have to.

What a sneaky,double-crossing council!

They can't do this to me, I,

it took all my savings!

- Wait a minute Bud!

Why should you pay Betty's fine?

- Well, she was in a jam, wasn't she?

- Yes, but you don't usually knock yourself out for Betty.

(audience laughing)

One would think you'd gotten the ticket.

- Me?

Well, Betty told you she got it didn't she?

- You both have been behaving so strangely.

- Bud what's going on around here?

- I-I promised Betty I'd help.

Because, well Dad, I-I know you're gonna

hit the ceiling, but,

Betty's been taking the rap for me.

(poignant music)

- What are you saying?

- I was driving the car and,

I talked Betty into signing a ticket.

- Bud Anderson, how could you let

your sister in for a thing like that?

- Well I, I knew I'd have my driver's license suspended,

and-and-and Dad would take the car away from me!

What-whatever you do Dad I, I know I've got it coming.

- Look Bud I uh, I don't want to sit

in judgment on you when I'm as angry as I am at this moment.

- Well, I'll do anythingto make it up to Betty.

- You're a little late!

But um,

it's a start in theright direction anyway.

(tense music)

- Because I was driving at the time.

- You were driving, but the officer gave her the ticket?

My my, it wasn't very nice of him, was it?

(audience laughing) How do you explain it?

- Well I, I ran the boulevard stop.

And my sister, let him think that she was at the wheel,

so that I wouldn't have my driver's license suspended.

- Well how did you work that son, change seats in mid-air?

(audience laughing)- No sir, I wasn't even

in the car when he caught us.

- I see.

Well it's very noble of you to come here

and try to assume all the responsibility.

When does this unusual case come before the court?

- Well the uh, the finehas already been paid.

I took care of that myself.

- You did?

You seem to forgetthere's a city ordinance

requiring young drivers to answer a citation in person.

Now how do you get around that?

- Well uh, I uh, I-I borrowed a wig,

and-and, and dressed up like a girl.

(audience laughing)

- Well I imagine you were very attractive (laughs).

(audience laughing)

- No, really!

- Son, I don't mean to be rude,

but this is a very weird series of events

you've been telling me.

You know uh, you havea charming imagination.

- You mean you don't believe me?

- Well I uh, believe you're a very nice young man,

who is willing to takethe blame for something

his sister did to get her out of a jam.

But laudable as that is,

the court cannot become a party to it.

- Well you don't think I'd tell a lie to a judge?

(dramatic music)

- What'd you say your sister's name is?

Betty the court is convinced that

your attempt to shield your brother

stemmed from loyalty and devotion

rather than any desire to thwart justice.

- Thank you your honor.

- But, because you were in grave error

when you aided and abetted a traffic violator,

you are fined $ .

The fact that your student council regards you

highly enough to keep you as

Chairman of their Safe Driving Campaign

prompts the court to beas lenient as possible.

Bud Anderson, it is thejudgment of the court

that your driver's license be suspended

for the balance of the college semester.

In addition, you are fined $ .

I want to commend your father

for already taking away your car.

There would be fewer traffic violations

among young drivers if their parents

took a sterner view of such matters.

Now Bud, there's just one thing more.

Since you caused considerable confusion

and embarrassment, both to your sister

and the Student Council,it seems fitting

that you should be remanded to them

for suitable disciplinary action.

If they can use you in some way

to help put over their Safe Driving Campaign,

they have the court's blessing.

(poignant music)

(students chattering)

(audience laughing)

(audience applauding)

(pleasant music)

(plucky music)
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