06x20 - The Big Test (Flashback)

[bunniefuu]

- But if you buy me a portable typewriter it'll help

me in my schoolwork.

- That's a good argument, but it doesn't make the typewriter

any less expensive.

- But I just want a secondhand one.

They don't cost much.

- Well, we'll see.

- Oh, I know what that means.

I won't get it.

- Not necessarily, but your big concern right now

is studying for that math test.

One more low test gradeand you're in trouble.

- If I get an A on this next test will you buy me

the typewriter?

- Hold it kid, don't saddle yourself to a deal like that,

I'm warning you.

- Why, what do you know about it?

- Plenty, I went throughthe same thing once,

and I wouldn't wish that on anybody.

Not even my sister.

- Were you trying to geta portable typewriter?

- No, I was hot for an outboard motor.

You remember that, don't you Mom?

- I'll never forget it.

You were needling your father day and night about buying

that motor from, uh, who was it now?

- Andy Fessler, bucks.

Boy, sure doesn't seem like it was five years ago.

- No, it doesn't.

Seems like only yesterday you were put-put-putting

around the house pretending everything you took hold of

was an outboard motor.

(harp glissando)

- Put put put put put.

(audience laughing)

Put put put put put put.

- Honestly, what's he doing, studying to be a nitwit?

(audience laughing)

Oh, got this today.

Two A's, nothing below a B, and I made the honor roll.

Hey dopey, shut off your motor before I come in there

and strip your gears.

I got elected to the student council.

If you want myautograph, enclose aself-addressed envelope.

(audience laughing)

- Put put put put put put

put put put put.

- Pretty good report card Betty got.

- Yeah, and an outboard'd keep a fellow on the outside

where it's healthy, and health is very important.

- Where did you say your report card was?

- Oh, it's around, I guess.

Put put put put put.

And I'd save on clothes, too, because I'd be wearing

nothing but old clothesmost of the time.

- Around here, you mean?

(audience laughing)

- Yeah, I guess that's it.

- C, B minus, C.

- Well, some of those teachers have a crazy way of grading.

- What's this, a D in science?

- A D, let me see that.

Oh, how'd that get on there?

- I thought science was one of your best subjects.

- Well it is, the teacher just hasn't found that out yet.

- Well he'd better find out pretty soon, before you

wind up with grades so low that you won't be able

to get into college.

Do you realize whatyou're doing to yourself

with grades like these?

- Oh, but Dad...

- You're throwing away your whole future.

Nowadays if a man wants to get ahead he has to be prepared.

This is serious, son.

- Well Glover just marked me way down cause I didn't

hand in some homework.

- Why didn't you hand it in?

- Well, uh, I didn't do it.

I was too busy earningmoney for the outboard.

(audience laughing)

- I see.

Well at this point in your life, your education's

a great deal more important than an outboard motor.

- Yeah, I guess so, but gosh...

- I'll make you a proposition: that motor sounds like

a pretty good deal.

We could make good use of it next summer.

So you get this D up to an A on your next report card

and I'll help you buy the motor.

- Gee will you really, Dad? - Yeah.

- An A.

That's awful rough, Dad, sh**ting from a D way up to an A.

Couldn't we lower that a little?

- To what?

- D plus? - No.

- C minus? - No!

I'll make it a B, but that's the absolute minimum.

It's that or no deal.

What do you say, son?

- Well, okay, but do you realize the unfair burden

you're putting on me?

I'm going to have to start studying.

(audience laughing)

So a deal was made.

I don't think you were exactly for it though, were you Mom?

- Indeed I wasn't.

- No, as a matter of fact, Betty had a beef

against the deal, too.

(harp glissando)

- Why should he be rewarded for getting a little, crummy B

when I do better than that all the time?

- Well, you--

- Seems to me that's putting a premium on stupidity

and that's not fair.

That's Bud's strong point.

(audience laughing)

- Well, you see--

- If he gets a motor, how come I don't get a new dress?

- Because your father can't go fishing in a dress.

(audience laughing)

- That's not it at all, smarty.

I just want to see Bud start to get some decent marks.

- Well so do I.

But I'm just afraid he'd be working to get that motor,

not to get an education.

It's a false incentive that gives him a false idea

of the value of learning.

He learns something merely to get the reward,

and once he gets it he'll promptly forget everything

he's learned and drift back into his old habits.

Well we were at a PTA meeting yesterday--

- Look I can't argue with a PTA member,

but at least give myignorant plan a chance.

I'll guarantee you one thing, you're going to see

a lot of scientific action around here.

A lot of it!

- To determine if air is matter,

take an empty drinking glass and invert it.

After the rubber balloon has been in a cold place for

minutes, remove it and notice its size.

After you have connectedthe positive pole of one

to the negative pole of the next,

connect the other two wires to the terminals of the bell.

(bell ringing)

- I'm coming, I'm coming.

(audience laughing)

Hello.

Hello?

(audience laughing)

Hello?

(bell ringing)

(audience laughing)

Hello?

Operator, to whom do I report a phone out of order?

(bell ringing)

(audience laughing)

- Hey Dad, look how good it works.

(bell ringing)

(audience laughing)

- Eh, never mind operator.

(audience laughing)

(bell ringing)

- Jim, why don't you answer the phone?

(audience laughing)

- It's not the phone, dear, young Tom Edison

just invented electricity.

(audience laughing)

(bell ringing)

When do the report cards come out again?

- I think next week.

- Would you like tobet an outboard motor--

- No! - But, but...

- The other night at a PTA meeting a speaker told about

a little boy whose indulgent parents promised him $

for every A he'd get.

And do you know what happened?

- Certainly, the boy graduated from grammar school

independently wealthy, and now visits his parents

faithfully every week at the poor house.

(audience laughing)

- Oh my gosh.

I forgot to write out those experiments old Glover

gave us for homework.

I'd better find someoneto copy from or I'll be

a boiled buzzard.

- Look no further, Dad.

- Oh no, I don't want to start getting D's like you.

I've got a reputation to protect.

- Read this, will you?

It's perfect, read it.

- Hey, this is alright.

Who'd you copy it from?

- I didn't copy, I've been studying, boy.

- Yeah, I noticed that.

You know, you're gettingto be an awful square.

(audience laughing)

- Not for long, though, Junior.

Wait till you see me next summer,

steaming out across the lake.

Put put put put put.

(audience laughing)

(pencil tapping)

You said you wanted to see me after class, Mr. Glover?

- Oh yes, yes I did, Bud.

I wanted to ask you about this paper

you handed in yesterday.

The experiments you wrote up for homework.

It's very good.

- Well thank you, sir.

- But how do you accountfor the fact that it is

identical, word-for-word, with Joe Phillips' paper?

Do feel there is much benefit

in copying someone else's work?

- But I didn't copy it, sir.

- I haven't said you did.

But now, Bud, put yourself in my place.

Let's say you have a student who's been getting D's,

and another one who makes B's and A's.

Now, if the D student suddenly turns in a perfect paper,

exactly like the A student's paper, what would you think?

- Um, I'd say they look kind of fishy.

But I didn't copy, sir, honest I didn't.

- Are you telling me that Joe copied your paper?

- No, sir.

- Alright, Bud, we'll call this a closed incident,

inasmuch as you have been doing better work lately.

I'm giving you aC on this paper.

- A C?

But this is perfect,and I need to be getting

some A's because, well, you don't know how important

this is to me.

- Under the circumstance, I think C is a fair grade.

We have our quarterly exam in a day or two,

that will give you ample opportunity to prove yourself.

Alright, Bud?

- Yes, sir.

(sad music)

Sir, if I do real good in my exam, say like a or ,

do you think I'd get a B on my report card?

- It's possible, but that's pretty rough, Bud.

Very few make , very few.

- Old Glover made that outboard motor seem about

a million miles away.

So I put in a call toAndy Fessler to tell him

the deal was off, and finally he called me back.

(harp glissando)

Hello, yeah I called, Mr. Fessler.

I guess I shouldn't have had you hold that outboard

all this time.

No, it doesn't look likeI'm going to get it now.

You better go ahead and try and sell it.

- Wait, Bud!

- Okay, so long.

(hangs up phone)

- What'd you tell him that for?

- I haven't got a chance, Dad.

I could no more pull a B in that class than I could

drop kick Mr. Glover with his pockets full of lead

and his shoes bolted to the floor.

(audience laughing)

- I thought you were doing real well.

- So did I, but, well, I'm a victim of fate, Dad.

- Oh now.

- Life is dealing to meright off the bottom.

With a stacked deck.

(audience laughing)

- Oh, come now.

- I'm a pawn in an iron claw machine,

and I've been clawed good.

(audience laughing)

- Alright, alright, Hamlet, let's cut out the dramatics--

- How would you like it if you'd handed in a real good

paper and then had Mr. Glover accuse you of copying

somebody else's?

- Did you copy it?

- No, Dad, honest I didn't, honest!

- Alright, I believe you.

Maybe I'd better go down and have a talk with Mr. Glover--

- No, don't do that.

I don't want him to think I'm a sissy.

(audience laughing)

Besides, I'm whipped anyway.

- Now wait a minute!

- You know what I'd have to get on the quarterly exam

to bring my report card up to a B?

I'd have to get a .

- Well get it!

- Oh sure, what's the use?

I've lost the outboard anyway.

- Whoa, now wait a minute, don't tell me you were working

solely to get that motor.

Don't ever let your motherhear you say a thing like that.

(audience laughing)

Oh, we were just...

Discussing, uh, something.

- Yes, I heard.

- I don't want to hear what the speaker

at the PTA meeting said.

- I'm not saying anything.

All I want to do is introduce the latest development.

Go ahead, Kathy, tell Daddy what you wanted to tell him.

- Daddy, I've been getting some awful low marks lately.

- What? Not you, not my part-time quiz kid.

But I'm working harder and if I get back up to A's and B's

will you buy me some shoe skates?

(audience laughing)

- You mean she deliberately--

- Which are now on sale at Gorman's

for only $ . plus tax.

(audience laughing)

- Any questions, sir?

Come on, girl.

- Wait, he hasn't answered!

- The answer's no.

- But if Bud's getting a motor--

- From what I'veheard, that's out, too.

- Look son, man-to-man now, you and I are both in a spot.

But we're going to win.

Now when's that exam?

- Day after tomorrow.

- Okay, I'll call Andy and ask him if he'll give us

a couple more days on that motor.

In the meantime, you have tonight and tomorrow to study

like you've never studied before.

In fact, I'll help you.

- No Dad, don't help me.

- Why not?

- I can't take a chance on getting any of it wrong.

(audience laughing)

- And we use uranium ,

the most powerful fissionable material.

Now, if we wish to causean atomic expl*si*n--

(belling ringing)

(audience laughing)

(suspenseful music)

- Well, what's the matter with you, Bud?

Is your foot caught?

(audience laughing)

- No sir, I just wanted to ask you if it was okay

if I stayed after class and studied for the exam tomorrow.

- Well, certainly.

That's fine.

- I've pretty well covered everything in our textbooks

and I want to know if it's alright if I study out of

some of your other books.

- Well you're welcome.

This is a rare moment, indeed.

Help yourself.

(suspenseful music)

- Oh, you scared me.

I just knocked some things on the floor

and I was picking them up.

- I see.

- I sure am learning a lot.

I'm gonna do real good on the test tomorrow.

- Yes, I'm sure you are, Bud.

I'm sure you are.

- Well now, we've got to come to a decision on this.

It's too important to evade it!

Are we going to wear formal or informal dresses

to the dance?

(audience laughing)

- Formal!

- Roy?

- I think I'll just wear my little green gingham frock

with a matching bloomer.

(audience laughing)

- Oh, Roy, every time we try to decide

something important you...

Hello, Mr. Glover.

- Sorry I'm late, but something rather important

has come up.

Pretty serious problem.

- Oh, good!

(audience laughing)

- I suspect a student in one of my classes,

I won't say whether it's a girl or a boy,

of contriving to get hold of my exam questions

ahead of time.

- That's unforgivable!

As chairman of this council, I suggest we take immediate

action to have this student punished.

Maybe even expelled!

- Now Betty, let's not be too hasty to judge,

or to condemn.

At least not until we know all of the facts.

- Yes, sir.

- This student asked to stay after class and study

for the exam out of some of my books,

which I admit surprised me.

I guess I should havesuspected something right then.

However, I left the room to take the exam questions

to be mimeographed, and then remembered

I'd left them on my desk.

When I returned, they were in the student's hands,

and he or she quickly put them back on the desk,

looking quite startled.

He or she, let's say it's a she, she said they had fallen

on the floor, and she was merely picking them up.

- And doing a little fast reading, too.

- Well, I don't know.

But there you are.

- Well I still say-- - Remember now,

this is purelycircumstantial evidence.

I don't know that she was reading the questions.

- Yes, but, say I have an idea.

What kind of grades does she get?

Very low, but showing marked improvement lately.

However, I have reason to suspect this is due, in part,

to copying another student's work.

- Oh, this kid's a crook!

Let's face it.

- Wait, Roy.

Mr. Glover, if you left the questions as they are

could you tell by the way this girl answered them

whether she'd seen them before?

- Yes, I think I could.

To get a real high gradein this particular exam

one would have to bean exceptional student,

which this one is not.

Or, have advance information.

(inquisitive music)

- I said let her take the test as-is.

This'll give her a chance to acquit or convict herself.

And then we voted.

- I don't know, it sounds a little sneaky to me.

- That's what Mr. Glover thought, but we outvoted him.

After all, Father, thisis a serious matter.

- Oh, I agree, but...

- Kathy, get some more biscuitsout of the oven, will you?

- Okay.

(door slamming)

- Hi, I'm sorry I'm late, I stopped by Andy Fessler's

to take a look at the motor.

She's sitting there waiting, Dad!

- [Margaret] Hurry upstairs and wash your hands, Bud.

- Okay, I think I've finally got it made.

I know this stuff forwards and backwards, inside out,

right side up--

- Fine, fine, son.

Now go upstairs and wash.

- Okay.

And I finally made a good impression

on old man, or, Mr. Glover.

I stayed after classand studied for the exam

out of some of his books.

(ominous music)

- It was Bud!

He was the girl!

- Oh, no, it can't be.

- Bud wouldn't do a thing like that.

Of course, he wants thatmotor awfully badly.

- I know, I know.

- And why else would hebe so confident today,

when he was so discouraged a few days ago?

- Well, he's been studying.

At least I thought he was.

- And to think this little trap was my bright idea.

I'm not gonna let him fall--

- No, no, no, Betty, we mustn't warn him.

He has to go through with this.

I have to know.

I have to know.

(suspicious music)

(lamp clicking on)

- What's the matter, dear?

Can't you sleep either?

- No, I can't get Bud off my mind.

What a miserable spot for a kid to be in.

I feel like an executioner sending his own son to the...

I keep telling myself he didn't do it.

- Well wouldn't it bebetter if talked to him?

- No, if we warn him now, we'll never know for sure.

(scoffing) Here's a switch for you:

I've been lying here hoping

and praying he'd flunk his examination.

- Bud wait, I've got to talk to you.

- Huh? Why, what's up?

- I wasn't supposed to tell you this, but you're

walking into a trap!

- Huh?

- Your exam, it's a trap set for you.

I don't know if you canget a high grade or not,

but don't.

- Well I've got to.

- Listen, dopey, you're suspected of reading the questions

when you were in there studying yesterday.

Now, I don't knowwhether you did or not,

but if you get a highgrade then they'll know

for sure that you--

- Bud, aren't you coming in?

- Oh, see you later, Bud.

- Bud, aren't you coming in?

- Yes, sir.

- You'll notice that oneor two of the questions

have more than one part.

Be sure to answer all parts.

When you've finished, you may leave.

(emotional music)

- And naturally, I went over

his examination paper immediately.

You may look it over if you care to.

- Oh, excuse me for barging in this way,

but you're Mr. Glover, aren't you?

- Yes.

- Well, I'm Bud Anderson's father, and when you have

a moment I would like to talk to you

about the matter of the...

Margaret, what are you doing here?

- Same thing you're doing.

- Well, what happened?

Did he...?

- Look at this.

He not only did well,he got the highest mark

in the class: .

- Oh, no.

- I want you to know, I was not in sympathy

with this method, butin view of the results,

I thought--

- Wait a minute, there's something you have to know.

I did something I know I shouldn't have, but I just couldn't

stand to see Bud walking into this trap, so I told him

the whole plan.

I know I wasn't supposed--

- You told him?

- And he still answered the questions the way he did?

Surely he didn't think he could get away with it.

- Oh, it's all mixed up now.

There's something wrong, somewhere.

Doesn't make sense.

Where is Bud, does anyone know?

- I have him waiting in the next room.

I told him we might wantto talk to him later.

- Well, you'd better bring him in.

Let's hear what he has to say.

- Roy?

- Father, I'm sorry, I--

- It's alright, Betty.

What do you suppose he was thinking?

He must have known a would practically convict him.

- I don't know, I...

- Hi.

- Tuck your shirttail in, son.

- Bud, I'm sure youknow what this is about.

Your exam paper, needless to say, was almost perfect.

Knowing what this indicates,

do you have any explanation to make?

- Well, sir, my gosh, I knew all the junk,

the material perfectly.

Then my sis tips me off to the trap.

Well, what's a fellow gonna do?

I didn't want to flunk when I could answer everything.

So I finally decided to put it all down

and fight it out later.

I knew what everybody was going to think,

but I never looked at those exam papers yesterday, honest.

I picked them up off the floor and had them in my hand,

yes, but I never looked at them.

I didn't even know what they were.

If I hadda known, I probably would have looked.

- Mr. Glover, may we talk for a moment?

- I'm in on this, too.

- Mr. Glover, I know you can look at this more objectively

than I can, but I believe Bud.

All I'm asking is achance for him to prove

to everyone's satisfaction that he's telling the truth.

Now look, if he'd seen those exam questions,

all he would have bothered to study

were the answers to those.

But he says he knows all the material.

I say, give him a test on different material.

Let's see if he knows it.

- Well, I hardly have time to make out a whole new exam

for just one student.

- Well, make it an oral test.

Ask him everything, cover the field.

Make it tough.

Isn't that fair?

- Okay, have himcome to my room.

- Jim, aren't you putting Bud on an awful spot?

- Yep.

But it has to be done, Honey.

It has to be done.

- Alright, Bud, first I want you to tell me

what is electrostatic inertia?

- Think, Bud, think!

- I don't think I know, sir.

Electrostatic, did you say?

- Oh, I'm sorry, I meantelectromagnetic inertia.

- Oh, well that's where you have an electric current

and the seat of the electromodial force is cut,

and the current continues for a short time.

Now that's one way, the other way is--

- That's fine, that's fine.

Now Bud, tell me, what is air?

- Air is the invisible, odorless, tasteless mixtures

of gas which surrounds the earth.

It consists chiefly of nitrogen and oxygen,

at about four to one,together with % argon,

and % carbon dioxide, andvarying amounts of water vapor,

helium, krypton,neon, and xenon.

- We'd better get over the Andy Fessler's.

- Andy Fessler's?

- Yeah, we have to bakeup an outboard motor.

(harp glissando)

- So I sweated her out, and made it.

But boy, did I suffer.

So let that be alesson to you, see kid?

- But you got the outboard, didn't you?

- Yes, but look at all the misery I went through.

- Hi, honey!

- Hello, dear.

- Hi, Daddy!

I have a wonderful plan.

If I get an A on my next math test,

would you buy me a typewriter?

(audience laughing)

- After all that great advice, what happens?

Oh, this younger generation.

Where are they headed, Mom?

- I don't know, Grandpa.

But if you ever find out, I wish you'd let me know.

(audience laughing)

(audience applauding)