06x22 - Time to Retire

[bunniefuu]

(midtempo orchestral music)

- [Announcer] Robert Young

and Jane Wyatt

with Eleanor Donahue, Billy Gray, and Lauren Chapin

in Father Knows Best.

- Hi, honey.

What do they make lipstick out of nowadays,

lead and linseed oil?

- No honey, Bud's painting his car.

(audience laughs) - Hi, Dad.

Got a little deal I'd like to talk over with you.

- [Margaret] Oh, not that chair, Bud!

- But, why don't you use a spray g*n to paint your car

instead of daubing it out with your shirt and jeans?

(audience laughs) - Who can afford a spray g*n

with my pitiful, measlylittle allowance?

I can't even afford a--

- Bud!

Ah, too late.

(audience laughs)

- I'm sorry, Mom, gosh.

- Just leave it.

- But it's not my fault, it's Dad's.

- My fault?

- Yeah, if I had a bigger allowance,

I could put my car in a paint shop,

and then I wouldn't get paint on my hands,

and then I wouldn't dirty mom's refrigerator.

- Bud, I have a wonderful suggestion

for getting extra money.

- Yeah?

- Get extra job. (audience laughs)

- Well, that's not so easy.

Say, how about giving me a part time job in your office?

I'll be comin' in with you anyway when I get out of college,

and I'd be a terrific insurance salesman.

- Bud, if that's what you want,

there's nothing I'd like better

than to put James Anderson and Son on the door.

- Hey, I'm a partner.

- But I think you startwith somebody else.

- Well, you got hired and fired in a hurry.

(audience laughs) (phone rings)

- Hello.

Oh yes, Arthur.

- Jim, well, I finally worked out some new figures

on the renewals you were so anxious about.

Ah, thought you'd like to know they're quite a bit lower.

Oughta cinch the business.

- Oh, nice going, Arthur, but don't stay around all night

getting out the paperwork, go on home, relax.

Good bye.

- How is Mr. Higgins?

- Fine.

He doesn't know it yet,

but I'm afraid I have some sad news for him.

I had a memo from the home office

reminding me that he reaches retirement age tomorrow.

- You're going to retire Mr. Higgins?

- Well, you can't do that, Dad.

Uncle Arthur's too important to the business,

all those statistics comin' out of his ears

at the drop of a hat.

Well, the joint'd fall apart.

- You don't have to sell me, I know how valuable he is.

- Well, you're certainly not going to pay any attention

to the home office.

- Yeah, tell 'em to go jump in a lake.

(audience laughs)

- I'm afraid I don't have much choice.

It's company policy.

- When do you have to tell him?

- I've been putting it off, but he'll be tomorrow.

- , is Uncle Arthur that old?

- Look, let's invite him out here for a birthday dinner.

He's always been fond of our family,

and it'll help take the sting out of it

if I tell him here at home.

The office is such acold, impersonal place.

- That's a wonderful idea.

And I'll bake him a big birthday cake as a surprise.

- Yeah, that's some surprise.

Happy birthday and good bye.

(audience laughs)

(door clicks)

- Miss Thomas, I just can't call him in the office

and say, you're retired.

So we thought a birthday dinner

would be a good way to ease into the subject.

Is he in his office?

- Isn't he always in his office?

I think it's just terrible.

Retire Mr. Higgins, indeed.

Why, he hasn't missed a day in the office in years.

- I know, he's a bear for work.

Alert as a radar screen,always on the ball.

But there comes a time in every man's life.

(uptempo orchestral music)

Arthur.

Arthur?

- Hm.

Oh, it's you, Jim.

Oh, you caught me napping, didn't you?

Bless my soul, asleep at the switch.

- Well, maybe you're not as young as you used to be.

Years crawl up you know, Arthur.

- Yeah, what years?

I just worked a little too late on these rate changes,

that's all. (yawns)

- You better stop burning the midnight oil.

You can't take it the next day.

- Nonsense, I'm as frisky as a pup.

(audience laughs)

I feel as young as that television fellow

who claims he's just .

(audience laughs)

Thank you, thank you.

Sit down, please.

- Thank you.

- Well.

Well, now what can I do for you?

- Well, if you're free this evening,

my family and I would like to have you come to dinner.

- Oh, say, I'd be delighted.

Good of you to ask me.

It's been months since I'veseen Margaret and the children.

Let me see, the last occasion

was Bud's graduation from high school,

June th to be exact.

- Say, that's right.

He's certainly proud of that electric shaver you gave him.

- Ah, fine boy, Bud.

Got the makings of a fine insurance man.

Warm, sincere, outgoing.

You'd do well to get himin this office someday.

- That's what he thinks.

Well, see you tonight about eight.

- I can't wait that long, Jim.

: ? (audience laughs)

- Sure.

(Jim and Arthur laugh)

So long, Arthur.- Thanks, Jim.

- You bet.

Now all Arthur knows is that he's coming out to dinner.

- Well, doesn't he evenknow it's his birthday?

- That probably hasn't occurred to him.

- Maybe to anybody else but Arthur,

would be hard to forget.

Now remember, don't anybody mention retirement.

I'll take care of that part of it.

Look what we're giving him.

- [Kathy] What is it?

- Oh, it's a wonderful color, oh dear!

- Oh, fishing rods!

- Oh, it's everythinga fisherman could want!

- Magnificent.

- This, too.

- [Kathy] What is that, a lunch pail?

- No, stupid, it's a creel.

- Oh, I'm extra stupid.

What's a creel?

- It's something to carry a fish in.

- [Kathy] Oh.

- Well, I can't think ofanything else he needs

except time to use this stuff.

- And it'd be wonderful ifUncle Arthur were ready for it,

but he isn't.

Well, it's like pushinghim out in a nice way

and saying, you aren't needed anymore.

- Betty, this isn't my idea.

I don't know how I'm going to get along

without Arthur Higgins.

But it's a company directive.

Even the president has to step down at the age of .

- Well, it's perfectly ridiculous.

What right has anyone to tell a vigorous, healthy man

that suddenly on a certain day he becomes useless,

and his productivity must cease.

- Well, now wait a minute.

I agree with youwhole-heartedly.

Maybe he'll enjoy a chance to relax.

- Oh no, Jim. (family chatters)

- Now wait, I haven't told you this,

but when I went intohis office this morning

I found Arthur sound asleep at : in the morning.

Now what does that suggest to you?

- Maybe he was out the night before kicking up his heels.

(audience laughs)

- Yes.

- Truth of the matter is,

maybe the years are beginning to push him around a bit.

- [Margaret] Oh, now dear.

- Now whether we like it or not,

I've got to tell him the bad news tonight.

- I just can't get over it.

To me, he doesn't seemany older than you, Dad.

(gentle orchestral music)

(audience laughs)

(doorbell rings)

- Hi, am I late?

- Oh no, you're right on the nose, Arthur.

- Hello, Jim.

Margaret.

- Well, Mr. Higgins.

- Well, I declare you look lovelier every time I see you.

- Oh. (giggles)

- And here's some roses for you.

- Oh, that's sweet of you.

- But, of course, you put them to shame.

- Well it's wonderful having you with us.

- Thank you, my dear.

You couldn't have a more grateful guest.

- Come on in.

- Hey kids, Uncle Arthur's here!

Come on.

- Oh, oh, thank you, thank you.

Oh, well, well, well.(kids chatter excitedly)

Hello Betty, hello Bud, good to see you.

- [Kathy] Hi, how are you?

- Oh, my, my, myfavorite family.

How good to see you all again, eh?

- [Betty] We've been looking forward to seeing you too,

Uncle Arthur.

- Oh, have you really?

Oh, by the way kids, I brought you a little something,

I hope you might enjoy.

Now, where did it, ohhere it is, here it is.

Here we are.

- A record album, oh neat!

(family chatters)

- [Arthur] Oh, and I can tell you,

it's got a solid b*at, g*ng.

- Mommy, Uncle Arthur brought us an album.

- Uncle Arthur's alwaysdoing nice things.

- Oh, nothing of the kind.

Wait till you hear this.

(uptempo jazz music)

Now Kathy, my I have the pleasure?

- You may.

- Go, man.

(audience laughs)

- Oh-ho!

Oh, I like this one.

- [Kathy] Oh yeah, wee!

- You've had him long enough, little sister.

Oh!

(audience laughs)

- Oh, I can't let you girlsoverwork Uncle Arthur like that.

Let's have something a little more his speed, hm?

(slow classical music)

(audience laughs)

- All right, Uncle Arthur, do you remember how to Waltz?

- I'll only do it to please your father.

I don't dig this kind of stuff.

It's for squares.

(audience laughs)

- My turn again.

- Ah, isn't it wonderful to be so popular? (chuckles)

I tell you, by Henry,this is my finest hour.

(audience laughs)

Jim, you haven't seemed

your light and gay self this evening,

something on your mind?

- As a matter of fact, the home office sent me a memo.

* Happy birthday to you

- Oh, here we are.

* Happy birthday to you

* Happy birthday dear Arthur

* Happy birthday to you

- Come on, give us a speech.

- Yes, speech!

- Oh, speech!

- Yes, speech!

- I don't know what to say.

I came over here justexpecting a free dinner

and this comes as a complete surprise.

(family chuckles)

I've sort of ignored birthdays.

- Come on, Uncle Arthur,blow out the candles.

- Make a wish! - Yeah, yeah, blow 'em out.

- Make a wish?

Of course, a wish.

Well, I wish I could always be as happy

and feel as young as I do tonight.

(Arthur sputters)

(family applauds)

- Took a bit of puffing,Arthur, but you made it.

- Well, I guess I'm not in training

for this sort ofthing, you know.

Oh, Margaret, it's such a lovely cake,

I hate to hack it up.

Why don't you do the honors?

- Oh, well anything you say.

- Ah, I don't know when I've had a more wonderful evening.

- Daddy, when can we give Uncle Arthur his presents?

- Oh, now don't tell me you got birthday presents

on top of all this?

- Well, they're not exactly birthday presents,

they're more things you can use after--

(audience laughs) - Uh, what Kathy means is

the things you'll get a kick out of using every day.

- Oh.

- Come on, I'll show you.

Bud, give me a hand, will you?

- Okay.

- Oh, will you help me open it up?

Now let me see.

Oh, look at that.

This is beautiful.

But there's no reason for you to do all of this for me.

- Well, we feel you've earned some rest and relaxation.

And this'll help you enjoy it.

- Well, I'm not readyfor a real vacation yet,

but I will take a day off soon,

and Bud and I can go upto my cabin on the lake

where the fish are just waiting, eh?

How about it, Bud, eh?

- Sounds great, you got deal.

- Well, you don't have to wait for a day off, Arthur.

You see, I, all of us, feel

that you deserve.

(somber orchestral music)

- Well, I hope you'll forgive me,

but this is overwhelming.

I have no family of my own,

and yet I have the bestof all families, you.

- We want you to feel that you'll always be a part of us.

- Thank you, Jim.

For a man of my age,

there's nothing more reassuring and comforting

as knowing that he is loved and needed and wanted.

I sure am carrying on like a sentimental old fool.

I'm sorry, Jim, that I interrupted with my maudlin outburst.

You were saying something abouta memo from the home office.

- Oh, uh. (chuckles)

Do we have to talk shop, Arthur?

Let's get back to our cake?

(family cheers)

- Jim, aren't you gonna take time to eat your breakfast?

- Oh, I'm not hungry, honey.

I wanna get down to the office early

and talk to Arthur.

We got involved last night in emotions

but now it's business.

- Well, isn't there some other way out?

- Yeah, can't you letthe home office tell him

he's begin let out?

- Do you have to be the villain?

- It's my responsibility.

Maybe last night wasn'tsuch a good idea.

But if Arthur has to hear it,

it'll be easier if he hears it from me.

- Bye, dear.

- I don't see how you can be that mean to Uncle Arthur.

- Don't look at me.

I've got orders toplace him on retirement,

and I have to tell him this morning.

What do you want me to do,

resign from the company in protest?

- Hey, would that do it?

(audience laughs)

- , , .

- Good morning, Mr. Higgins.

- Good morning, Miss Thomas.

Mr. Anderson in yet?

- No, not yet, Mr. Higgins.

- That was quite a surprise party last night,

and you should see the wonderful fishing gear I got.

And what a dinner,

with the most tremendous,luscious, yummy candlelit cake.

I tell ya, Miss Thomas, it hit me here as well as here.

(audience laughs)

- Sounds wonderful.

Well, how does it feel to look forward

to plenty of leisure with no time clock to punch?

Nothing to do but fish.

- What did you say?

- Of course, I don't know the first thing about fishing,

but they say that theselures are guaranteed

to get the catch limit,whatever that means.

- What are you trying to do, Miss Thomas?

Get rid of me?

- Probably should've letMr. Anderson present it

at your retirement dinner last night.

- My retirement wasn'tmentioned, Miss Thomas.

- It wasn't?

- It was a wonderful evening.

- Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Higgins.

I thought you knew.

You see, Mr. Anderson

was supposed to bring it up last night.

It as a directive from the home office.

(somber orchestral music) - I see.

Well, of course I knew it had to happen sometime,

but I rather hoped they'd forget about it for a while.

Thank you, Miss Thomas.

- Checked again with hislandlady, he hasn't been there.

- He hasn't been to the executives club.

When he doesn't turn up there,

something's terribly wrong.

- He left without a word.

He seemed almostnumb from shock.

Oh, it was terrible, Mr. Anderson,

but I had no idea he hadn't been told.

- Well, that was my fault.

Where do you suppose he could be?

(phone rings)

- Hello, Bud.

- Hi, Mom.

- Hello?

Oh yes, dear.

Miss Thomas told him?

Well, at least that'll relieve you of the painful duty.

Oh, I'm sure he understands how you feel,

and you'll just have to explain to him--

- But I can't find him.

He's checked outat Mrs. Tyson's,

and I've called every place in town I know.

- You mean Mr. Higgins has just completely disappeared?

- What?

Uncle Arthur's missing?

- He's given up his room.

Well, all right, Jim.

Let me know if you hear anything.

Good bye, dear.

Where are you going, Bud?

- [Bud] I gotta find Uncle Arthur.

- Well Bud, now wait a minute!

(somber orchestral music)

(knocking)

- Bud.

- Hi, Uncle Arthur.

- Wait a minute, boy,what are you doing here?

- Well, I just had an idea you'd be here.

Only I got lost trying to find the place.

You said the first chance you got

you'd bring me up here fishing, remember?

- Oh.

Well to tell you the truth, I'm beginning to hate fishing.

And when that's all a man has to look forward to,

it sort of takes the joy out of it.

Sit down, Bud, can I get you a glass of water or something?

- Uh, thank you.

Uncle Arthur, I'm real sorry about what happened,

and so is Dad.

- Well, I know Jim is only doing what he had to do.

But when you're suddenly regarded as useless old man,

it hurts.

- Oh come on, Uncle Arthur.

You'll be goin' strong when you hit .

- I thought so, too.

But what good is it

if you can't sell the idea to anybody else?

You know, Bud, a man is like a piece of machinery.

When he's not used, he gets rusty,

and by Henry, I resent getting rusty.

- Do you have to?

Is Dad's office the only place in the world to work?

- No, no, you don't understand.

If Jim can't use me, I don't think anyone else would.

- Well, you were doing a full day's work yesterday,

weren't you?

- I thought I was.

- Well, all right, then youtell me that just one day later,

you're useless, all washed up?

- I'm nothing of the sort,

but it's been decided that I'm too told,

so nobody will give me a job

excepting through a feeling of charity, perhaps.

- Maybe, but.

Gosh, I can't see comin' way out here

and then holin' up like a hermit.

I hate to say this,

but I think you're,

I think you came out here just to hide.

You're just running away.

(somber orchestral music)

But you don't have to.

You're only hours older than you were yesterday.

Gosh, a man with your experience and knowledge,

there must be a hundredthings you could do

if you just try.

I never figured on you bein' a quitter.

- That'll do, Bud.

I think you betterstart for home now, Bud.

Margaret and Jim will be worried about you.

- Gosh, I never thoughtthe guy I looked up to

would let me down like this.

- Bud!

- All right, good bye.

- Jim, I'm just as worried about Bud.

Try some of his friends again.

- Well, Margaret, we know they must be together,

wherever they are.

- Well, wouldn't it bewise to phone the police

or the missing persons bureau?

- Hi.

- Where in the world have you two been?

- Now Bud, you had us terribly worried.

- Now, it wasn't his fault,

he was just out looking for an old man who got lost.

- Well, you're herenow, that's what counts.

Arthur, I, um,

I've got a new proposition to offer you.

I want you to come back and work as a consultant.

- (chuckles) As usual, you're wonderful.

I owe you an apology forrunning away as I did.

But I had a prettyclose call this morning,

suddenly realizing that my life was over.

I tell you, the future looked mighty gloomy.

But Bud changed my thinking for me.

Now, I can't accept your offer

because I have my made up my mind

that nobody can decide my life for me,

and I'll tell myself when to go fishing.

(audience laughs)

You see, Jim, I'm opening my own office.

- Right in your own building, Dad, on the ground floor,

so he can catch theprospects on the way up.

- I think that'swonderful, Mr. Higgins.

- Now wait a minute, Arthur,

you can't do this to me.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, Jim, surely you can stand a little competition.

- I don't know, this sounds pretty formidable.

- Oh, you haven't heard the real thr*at.

Bud says you want him to start in somebody else's office.

Well.

Next Saturday, he's gonna have a desk in mine.

(audience laughs)

- You see, Jim.

You just let a goodjunior partner get away.

- Well, he couldn'tstart with a better man.

- But we can still do business, Dad.

As soon as UncleArthur and I get going,

I'd like to go over your insurance program with you.

(audience laughs)

- Good idea.

Jim, do you think you havesufficient protection against--

- Hold it!

I'm protected against everything.

(audience laughs)

Except a guy who won't retire.

(uptempo orchestral music)

(audience applauds)

(uptempo orchestral music)

(midtempo electronic music)