02x07 - Still Our Little Boy

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Still Standing". Aired: September 30, 2002 - March 8, 2006.*
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
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02x07 - Still Our Little Boy

Post by bunniefuu »

[Music]

anything special for your birthday bill

yeah but you might find it dirty and

degrading I'm not changing the oil in

your car whatever come on it's a big one

you're turning 40 oh don't remind me my

life is like one-third over I found this

list I made 20 years ago all the things

I promised myself I'd do before I hit 40

at this point I'm pretty sure you could

play drums with REO Speedwagon go down

to the county fair and ask dad look

white water rafting under a triathlon I

keep postponing all my dreams you know I

originally made this list for when I

turned 30 see how I just changed the 32

a 40 change the 405 I don't think just

changing a number again is gonna yeah I

do feel better although whitewater

rafting trip would be fun honey pace

yourself we got 10 years

[Music]

me

[Applause]

[Music]

okay our reservation set for Friday

night bill's birthday dinner the whole

family yeah Freddie's not so good for me

perfect Friday it is so where are you

taking him Phil's favorite restaurant

bc's porterhouse be sport has b*at these

porterhouse that restaurant with a sign

that has a smiling cow begging you to

eat him that's easy i'll be having the

turf and turf for the sirloin soup one

of those steaks salads and some kind of

wine that has beef in it Miami had a

pony on a birthday I'll stick with a

steak he dad just fight for your

birthday this year Akeem and I are gonna

bake you a cake from scratch Thank You

girls oh that is so sweet I actually

think I may cry don't cry bill there

will be a backup cake oh my god they're

nice girls but you don't screw around

with cake all right I'm going to miss

out and you and BTW i guess i bear did

you my present now and believe me it

wasn't easy shopping for the man who

needs everything our certificate for a

day of beauty linda this is great when

are you going you're welcome and you

know you can get a facial manicure

pedicure at whatever it's really more of

a present for Judy I mean she's the one

with a day in day out front row seat for

that hey hey now cut it out I'm

completely happy with the way bill looks

what is that smell okay Brian wearing a

whole lot really really bad Cologne what

the Old Spice ship came in with a full

cash I gave him a bottle of some stuff

with a horse on it yeah you sure didn't

have the horse idiot Oh get there yeah

oh sweet time has come to sit the boy

down and teach him how to properly apply

cologne should go like this not this try

not to hurt its feelings ever make it

clear that less is more and that more

could show up wish me luck I'm going it

hey there's no dad all right Brian stop

moving around you creating a breeze what

son sit down there's something important

we need to talk about when he when a

young boy grows up the world opens up

for him like this window yeah it's

freezing yeah yeah about that you stink

why oh no not you that the Cologne oh my

god this is so embarrassing is really

that noticeable come on you can talk to

me what's going on well the thing is I

started wearing Cologne after gym class

because i perspire so much dry and brian

you just like me you got the miller

engine the miller engine miller men or

sweaters this powerful engine throws a

lot of heat I wear antiperspirant eat

perspirant good luck when I try

sprinkling pixie dust on your pizza

no no after exercise you got to take

that shower seriously get into all the

creases double back if you have to it's

just I'm not really all that crazy about

showering with the other guys Brian

you're not showering at all are you not

at school it's just lately in the locker

room I look around and I noticed I'm

different from the other guys hey you're

the one looking around it's my body not

not the same as most of them you know

when places places Oh places yeah that's

rough you're self-conscious and dressing

in front of the other guys because some

of you have places and some of you have

places well yeah I just don't know what

to do now what had happen if you just

took your shower after all the other

guys you know a stall around the gym

somehow you can help the coach put away

equipment and then just take my shower

after they've all got dressed and after

all the balls have been put away good

Becca actually worked it might make me a

little late for calculus car okay so you

find another upsell this is great I'm

really glad I can come to you with this

you know guy stuff no problem Sam you

can come to me anytime thanks dad hey

how'd it go right turns out the cologne

was merely a smokescreen for a much more

delicate problem which if I do say so

myself I handled competently confidently

Wow proud words from a Miller what was

the problem it seems our sons been

skipping as showers in the locker room

yeah why would he do that well Bryan's

at that tender age where some boys are

changing and some boys aren't and the

boys who aren't changing don't like

changing right there in front of the

changing one's oh so you're saying

brined a little behind the other boys

how much fun i would guess he's like

that roll of film you've been carrying

around in your persons last Christmas

on 35 millimeters oh my poor little

bride exactly so bad for him standing in

the shower all scrawny and pale I better

go up there and talk them through this I

I said I handled it but bill it's a

serious locker room can be a very

traumatic place Yeah Yeah right which

one of us have spent more time in a high

school boys locker room ok that's a

toss-up I pointed I already talked to

him ok ok you've been doing the dad

thing long enough to fly solo once in a

while thank you I mean I'm sure you told

Brian that he's bound to catch up with

the other boys in time well not in so

many words well I'm sure you told them

that he shouldn't feel weird that being

a little different it's perfectly normal

ok you weren't in that room you were

breathing that smell I better go talk to

know well you left out a few things that

he needs to hear you can't treat this

like a mother-daughter talk where you

sip tea and discuss every little feeling

men communicate differently usually

through a series of grunts gestures and

the occasional limerick about everything

well not anymore face it Judy one of the

little girls you raised is finally

turning into a man your arm I'm in I'll

see you at the wedding

[Music]

some more birthday candles she's got 21

and dad is turning 40 that means we

still need 18 more candles thankee very

sorry I was just testing you Lori that's

Becca smell maganda Jeff stay up to date

sweetie better not forget your mask but

there she is there's my little dry dry I

mean my big bribry I mean my handsome

masculine son who's perfect exactly as

he is good morning I made you a very

healthy lunch I also put an article in

there from one of my magazine something

you might be interested in okay gotta

love the bod you're in sick sexy

strategies to feel better in the buff oh

wait let me check mmm just like a meadow

in Ireland it won't put an article in my

lunch today apparently she thinks I'm

having some kind of problem lip gloss

tips for pouty kissable lips she's nuts

your lips are plenty kisses oh you told

mom about our talk didn't you son you

have to know by now I don't keep any

secrets from your mother well any of

your secrets I thought I said this was

guy stuff and that's what I told your

mother that we could handle this on our

own by the way you're perfectly normal

everyone's different and something else

so humiliating how could you tell her

you gotta relax about the shower it's

not like it's some kind of competition

there's always gonna be that one guy in

there who's swinging the bigger bat

now why does it have to be me life isn't

fair don't you think for one second that

the way the second excuse me what did

you just say why am I always the one who

stands out from the group I stand out in

math class I stand out in science and

now I stand out in the showers yeah but

this is something you'll actually use

after high school oh this is terrific I

mean it's terrific you felt you could

tell me yeah and you blabbed it all

tomorrow how can I ever face her again

your mom doesn't know this part I just

told her you were shy in the locker room

and you don't think she'll be able to

figure out why I don't see your guess in

this one is basically me and you think

dad to get I feel like some kind of

fruit of course but trust me as bad as

you're feeling in the showers the guy

standing next to you if you learn a lot

worse but you think it's not a

competition unless you're the winner of

my body

[Music]

you look at these guys move this team is

on fire you know the key to their

success is the way all five guys work

together hairdressing guys not making a

move without consulting the fashion guy

if you get one of those q*eer guys for

an afternoon all I want are some slacks

at flattered yeah you think of our

practice cake ah that's nice except this

piece tastes a little love rings oh gosh

actually I think that's an earring oh

that must be my found it I'll get back

to you sure I mean it could be as early

as tonight gel that was Brian's calculus

teacher he's been five minutes late for

class every day this week apparently

he's staying late at gym well five

minutes isn't so bad everybody knows

calculus doesn't get interesting until

ever don't you tell him to take a shower

after all the other boys have gone with

that your big fix it's one of the

options i suggested well I guess now I

gotta talk to him no no no no Brian and

I'll work this out he's a little

sensitive about other people know it a

secret no I know the secret wait what's

secret the thing is Judy you don't

really what's Matheson you told me about

it is kind of it there's a little more

to it a lot more to it than what you

told him no of course not he told Glenn

Glenn told me you talked last okay the

guy thing so I told a couple of guys

have worked but only guys ran Sheila and

housewares but she has sons and they all

know dude all right so tell me what this

big secret of Brian's is and everyone

else in the world knows but his mom all

right all right how can I put this think

back to when we first started dating a

bunch of us hop the fence and went

skinny-dipping up at the reservoir yeah

well you saw something for the first

time that night that I think left a very

large impression on you

at night something impressive and large

something large my friend doug coleman

oh my god dog Coleman picked up Coleman

that's Brian's secret wait brian is like

Doug apparently he's a dog and a half

you told him I can't believe it you told

everyone I hate you Brian any idea what

ever happened to Doug so did you talking

to you know I don't blame them he asked

me not to tell anybody why could not

just respect that aah Bell we don't

respect our kids well I think we have to

start oh great with their people now

with their own thoughts and feelings I

guess I just got used to when they were

little and it was okay to laugh at every

little thing they didn't set the whole

reason I had children ohmori bill bryan

i'll get over this before your birthday

god I don't feel like doing anything

special tomorrow night oh come on it's

all planned no I'll just celebrate my

birthday the traditional way going to

three or four Denny's and getting my

free birthday meals well nice doesn't do

that anymore okay this is the worst day

of my life

[Music]

hey I Know You're angry at your dad but

it's not really fair the truth is I

forced him to tell me why guess I felt a

little hurt that you didn't feel you

could come and talk to me about this new

development it's too weird at one time

it doesn't have to be weird you could

talk to me about anything you have

nothing to be embarrassed about I mean

it's all part of nature's beauty boys

and their equipment aah oh I am a woman

i have seen one or two I know it's a lot

of press but trust me as a woman it's

more about being gentle and sensitive to

the needs of your okay all right you

know what you're right this is weird we

can't talk about this and I guess and

I'm gonna have to be okay with that but

all the more reason you need to make up

with your father so theyíve someone to

share this stuff with no way dad is a

big mouth jerk you look at me right now

young man that man is still your father

and he loves you wanted nothing more in

this world than to help you through this

problem well the shirt he kept it to

himself I'm never talking to him again

well you're going to have to because

tomorrow is his birthday and we are

celebrating as a family whether you want

to or not okay okay now can you just

leave me alone sure you know I do know a

little bit about what you're going

through I remember the day that I

started to develop mom

and I told you I'm fine I forgive you

okay now can we just stop talking about

it I know you're saying that but I feel

like there's still a problem between us

and your mother must feel that way too

she asked me to pick you up after

practice so we can talk this through go

watch TV Brian Brian you my only son it

had k*lled me to think that you could

never trust me again whatever dad I

wants a dog food what I was a kid it

looked good I ate the whole cam and I

drank all the water in the bowl why are

you telling me this look I can't take

back what I did to you but maybe I can

make it better by telling you some

secret of mine something no one else

knows and it would k*ll me if it got out

dead really let's not do this right now

no no I want you to know that you're not

the only one who had some embarrassing

teenage years dad please once when I was

your age I I felt nervous about a date

so I practiced kissing on my German

Shepherd Tessie so first you ate all her

food and then you tried to make out with

them I never told anyone that with you

here's another good one sometimes when

it's hot I like to sleep in your mom's

old maternity underwear a roomy where I

need the room and they feel soft and

silky against my skin

wow I really forgives you I know I said

it before but now I really mean it

Thanks come here buddy and you feel okay

talking to me about guy stuff yeah sure

after what you just told me I'll never

feel like a freak again I'm gonna go

find your mom and your sisters I

suddenly feel like a birthday dinner

after all why didn't you stop him I

tried not hard to know why didn't you

just jump out and yell surprise I wanted

to but a little voice kept saying let's

hear some more that voice with me

you know I don't think I could face Mike

I got pictures in my head I ended maybe

we all yeah thanks for coming so what

are we gonna say to the future smoocher

nothing for the happy birthday we don't

know anything okay absolutely although

I'll never look at testy the same way

again hey Dad anyone's in the bathroom

clear out I had a big lunch and I've

been stuck in traffic for 45 minutes

could be a photo finish

anytime next Saturday

[Music]
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