this is the second statement in the road
that doesn't list our kids as dependents
yes ma'am I'm sure I have three kids
makes me to the question does a
vasectomy always have to be voluntary
don't put me on hold last first
appointment at home I'm on whole
continent remodeled our insurance
company the nice people who sent me home
from the hospital three hours after you
were born awesome is no life video oh
honey I told you I've been to a bunch of
stores I can't find it but I remember
before seen footage to delight children
of all ages I'll keep looking people the
fairytale channel should all rot in hell
t Monty pick me up from dance practice
what was my biggest mom well Becca's
mom's boyfriend got into a fight with
Becca's dad now Becca's mom is too
depressed to get out of her pajamas
Becca's mom is not so technically she's
quite cool okay fine fine I'll shake you
well you got the wrong kind of peanut
butter oh did I get the kind that causes
ungrateful whining this is creamy I like
crunchy wrong it's not that bad Judy get
it yourself fine where is it sorry but
I've been on the phone with this idiot
from the health insurance no sir no sir
I didn't mean you know Matthew automated
system oh now I'm talking to a machine
yes nope dependent where's the Sierra in
the fridge Miller Miller our last name
is Miller oh great now I told the
automated system that our last name is
in the fridge
that were the case I would have named
Brian six-pack
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
get upstairs and get your suitcases your
grandparents are gonna be here any
minute why do we even have to go I hate
that stupid train museum because it's
the third week of your three-week
holiday break week one we loved you week
two we like two weeks three get out your
suitcases should be by the door we don't
want grandma and grandpa hanging around
once these old people sit down it takes
the star-spangled banner to get them to
stand up again mance is gonna fight hey
hey hey you guys say this every year and
every year we have a great time you and
mom staying home every year and we have
a great time oh god no I can't wait
three whole days without anyone yelling
i need help i need food i need clean
underwear you do know i'm still gonna be
here right oh I get it underwear
optional huh yep right on time I'll get
it bill barge in don't do all the boys
to bring museum Express we've been to
two to me all the way from Indiana I had
to cr*ck a window how was the cruise oh
oh you should have seen the food Helen
show him the pictures oh look at this
that's just the lunch buffet and then
your father dragged me to this naked
beach here's your book hi I got a treat
for you for the trip down I bought a CD
of authentic train sounds oh some seem
to mullet de musica the real and that's
just volume 1 volume 2 is in the car
okay everybody ready to go well what's
the rush we'll sit and visit for a few
minutes yeah what's the rush no rush we
just hate to see you guys hit traffic
traffic oh yeah leaving town this time
of day I mean I'm sure you heard the
Kennedys down to two lanes because of
construction I was not aware of that
Helen we're leaving come on kids lots of
trains
on my mom today Oh what was that nothing
I ceased this does not sound good really
mom it's a sturdy I know how you get
sick the sneeze turns into across the
next day you're running a fever gene
maybe we better stick around and keep an
eye on her tonight no no no I'm fine
it's just allergies there's a lot of
dust around the house my allergies
haven't been that bad they can be brian
is just worrying about mom and so am i
besides if she think we might all have
the virus in it huh nobody sick me is
not a sneeze into profit a fever just a
thing go go go have a good time yeah and
hurry that traffic windows closing a lot
of maniacs on the road it fees and
they're hot rods go go go we're saying
a hundred and two just like I said
amazing you could be a carnival fever
guess ur mom take the kids go to train
museum oh not when my little jujube
needs me you just relax I'll get you
some more soup I'm can you hand me those
insurance papers I have to fill out the
forms for the kids I'll do it you're
sick mom it's really complicated HMO
stuff Judy when you get to be my age
health insurance is your world I made a
profit on my gallbladder operation now
don't you worry I'll take care of all
this paperwork get you some magazines
bring the little TV in here and clean
the house from top to bottom you relax
and let mommy take care of everything
okay mommy you know drunk are we doing
have other channels besides the weather
channel look at those precipitation
numbers well I'm glad we're not in
Seattle huh oh I don't know nice and
green good coffee a couple of thousand
miles away from here look kids between
this storm and that low pressure system
over the Dakotas I think we're in for a
very interesting afternoon in the
morning Laura and I need you to do the
dishes Brian I want you to wipe down
every surface in this house with Lysol
we've got to disinfect before the whole
family gets sick but we're enjoying the
weather channel with Grandpa you heard
your grandma I'll get cracking thank you
Bill you're in charge of ironing I don't
really I earn my body heat and moisture
tend to steam out the wrinkles white
heat and moisture where do you see
Florida humidity of eighty percent and
it's rising where's the iron
hi mommy new term I heard you guys were
in town and I came over right away hey
mom you know that psychology class I'm
taking it on and the finals oh that's
wonderful sweetie as soon as I get you
two some more soup I want to hear all
about it don't you want to hear about it
now Linda your sisters running a fever
Judy's running a fever maybe I should
prep myself for surgery in case she
needs my marrow daddy you hear about
migraine I sure did did you hear about
this heat wave in Arkansas you know
what's interesting about a heat wave I
learned in my psychology class with the
crime rate rises with the heat well in
fact there was a famous out to sea with
you tropical depression Edgar dr.
Indiana with you cause of our depression
G oh hello slaves dad when is mom gonna
get better it's been days yeah all this
work is making me look forward to school
that's just not right I think you've got
it bad new kids were supposed to be
trapped with them at a train museum I
had a sh*t at three straight days of
pants free living instead I'm ironing
class
she any better throat so sore she can
barely talk but she finally fell asleep
did you finish ironing a sheep yes I did
and where do they go linen closet here's
the extra blanket room Oh Eddie for yard
field goal attempt one second left on
the clock the kick is up grandpa did you
bring the berries you're faking sick no
I'm not faking I don't believe this
you're up here having fun while I'm
wasting my vacation days watching The
Weather Channel and ironing I've been
fakin but only since this morning before
that I was really six he smacked
laughing you're a liar liar pants on
fire by the way I'd b*rned your pants no
you don't understand for two days my
mom's been doing everything the cooking
the cleaning the health insurance papers
it's like being a wife and mom without
having the husband and kids Helen you're
going down no no don't worry about I
love it up here click being a kid again
my mom brings me soup and cold washcloth
and I get to watch TV and I get to eat
snack foods all day long bill object to
[Music]
gin and Jim next top out a little poker
get enough Jenna me we'll see how the
evening goes oh it's nine o'clock time
for the hawks game normal
don't be careful you're gonna break the
TV how this thing's indestructible we've
had it forever now what are we going to
do come on with two intelligent people
we should be able to find something to
do that doesn't involve TV let's go
downstairs and watch the game oh oh what
do you think you're doing you two should
not be out of bed well we were feeling a
little better so we wanted to watch tv
downstairs take 72 hours for the virus
to leave your system but our TV broke
you shouldn't be watching it anyway you
need your rest look TV is off for the
night I'll get back in that bed go at
March March March March Helen March bill
hypnotism a kit work I'm not trying to
fix it anymore this is just hate she's
not gonna let us out of bed for another
day then they're gonna leave and we'll
go back to work without any vacation at
all this is the worst fake illness ever
oh my god is it instructions on how to
fix the TV yeah in the paper no it's a
midnight show the song remains the same
at the esquire and we hadn't seen
Zeppelin on the big screen since high
school even then I spent half the movie
going come on pass it dude we took a hop
we could totally make a midnight show
but your parents will never let us leave
bill they couldn't stop our wedding and
they're not gonna stop this I wanted to
stop a wedding no they like you
and the same cold air filtering it over
the waters the great legs or convenience
why are we stopping here I was going to
pick up six friends of a cold and need a
ride oddly enough they're all men but
what didn't bring my wallet oh man well
there goes the movie there's got to be
some toll money or something around here
bingo in the glove box subtle change
organizers there's got to be at least
twenty bucks here that's my Brian huh
he's also got a Yoda mask and an asthma
inhaler oh we know our sons not sexually
active I'm on this planet hey here's our
six little friends how we gonna sneak
them into the movie theater I could hide
them in my shirt and pretend I got a
beer belly yeah pretend
oh my god I can't believe it's a snow
white video that teen has been begging
me for look at that let's go there's
only one copy left and I looked forward
to every where she wants it so bad we
only have so much change if we buy this
we can't have our big night out we'll
come back tomorrow and get it yeah I'll
hide it behind something nobody will
ever buy like these soy chips she's not
be allowed to call these chips alicious
my ass bed everything yep Heidi excuse
me you're buying beer I need ID ID I'm
40 years old sorry I have to cart
everyone we've had some trouble with
undercover cops come on do I look like a
Chicago cop yeah I got ID Matt's a
refrigerator magnet don't see him big
Judy she's right it is the law what kind
of society would it be if we didn't
abide by the law is your beer dude yes
at least six bucks keep the change let's
just keep the change ya lookin at sea
we're sneaking out of the house driving
a party band and getting the stranger to
buy beer for us it's 1982 again miss me
well I hope Tina didn't sneak into our
room Horace and blow our cover better
days sometimes she gets up we watch
Letterman then we each have a bowl of
cereal and it's off to bed for me I
don't know what she does
you should go back to the storm buyer
that video Julie the videos 20 bucks we
have to return the beer and skip the
movie it'll be there tomorrow it's
behind soy chips you know I'm thinking
of buying a bag for the house so we can
hide your jewelry I also think about
buying me some jewelry if it isn't there
tomorrow I'm gonna feel like a horrible
mother you're not a horrible mother so
you faked sick to get out of being with
your kids and got your mom to do some
important health insurance stuff so we
could sneak beer into a movie that does
not mean so now you want to return the
beer and by the video even though you
don't have a receipt and you illegally
had another customer by the beer for you
I just feel like we're getting bogged
down and b*at listen Emma do you kiss
your own boy and a girl then you can
understand how some of these children's
videos are hard to come by my kids are
in their 20s twenties when did you have
an eighth grade actually I did could you
please just do this for us mother to
mother fine thank you so much hello
kitty the beer was 549 so we owe you but
you just got it together to have kids
well now we don't have any money for
movie tickets so much for our big wild
night out yeah but we did the right
thing I can't wait to see Tina's face
tomorrow when we give her this video you
know it's fun to school around pretend
to be a couple of teenagers but when it
comes down to it being a parent comes
first we're out of gas where's Emma gone
she's just here two minutes ago yeah and
what doesn't like to hang out after her
shift ends seeing a desk when the pay
stop okay look Paco we just bought this
video but now we want to return it and
get our money back we need to buy gas
sure thing you got to receive people in
their obsession receipts believe he
wouldn't give us our money back calm
down Paco was just doing his job oh it's
just like you decide with taco Linda's
not home and everybody else we know is
at home actually taking care of their
children must be somebody we can find
with a driver's license
I hope you two are happy Brian and I
were sect I mean you two could have been
dead in a ditch for all we need wait
till we tell your mother you're not
going to tell my mother seriously you're
not going to tell my mother right
okay everybody be quiet cuz we don't
want to wake up grandma and grandpa too
late father and I have been up all night
worried sick right gene hey they're
right here Alan I just not here I guess
you caught us fair and square might as
well come clean Brian and Lawrence nukka
what that's right we have to go and
track him down well you kids should be
ashamed of yourself making your parents
go out when they've been sick especially
with those gusts coming in off the lake
that will be with us through the weekend
come on grandpa mom and dad sick of this
and you will be punished as a matter of
fact Grandma and Grandpa rescheduled the
train museum for President's Day weekend
but we are not going to let you go
really oh you can bag but it's not going
to happen I guess we deserve me we learn
our lesson the hard way good night right
oh thank god we don't have to go to that
dreadful train museum Oh loves are
watching snow white oh and love children
stories you know when when your aunt
linda was younger she thought she was
going to be a writer in fact bars when I
was in college
just be very narrative voice in an
active in that way
[Music]
02x12 - Still Responsible
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.