02x12 - Still Responsible

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Still Standing". Aired: September 30, 2002 - March 8, 2006.*
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
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02x12 - Still Responsible

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this is the second statement in the road

that doesn't list our kids as dependents

yes ma'am I'm sure I have three kids

makes me to the question does a

vasectomy always have to be voluntary

don't put me on hold last first

appointment at home I'm on whole

continent remodeled our insurance

company the nice people who sent me home

from the hospital three hours after you

were born awesome is no life video oh

honey I told you I've been to a bunch of

stores I can't find it but I remember

before seen footage to delight children

of all ages I'll keep looking people the

fairytale channel should all rot in hell

t Monty pick me up from dance practice

what was my biggest mom well Becca's

mom's boyfriend got into a fight with

Becca's dad now Becca's mom is too

depressed to get out of her pajamas

Becca's mom is not so technically she's

quite cool okay fine fine I'll shake you

well you got the wrong kind of peanut

butter oh did I get the kind that causes

ungrateful whining this is creamy I like

crunchy wrong it's not that bad Judy get

it yourself fine where is it sorry but

I've been on the phone with this idiot

from the health insurance no sir no sir

I didn't mean you know Matthew automated

system oh now I'm talking to a machine

yes nope dependent where's the Sierra in

the fridge Miller Miller our last name

is Miller oh great now I told the

automated system that our last name is

in the fridge

that were the case I would have named

Brian six-pack

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

get upstairs and get your suitcases your

grandparents are gonna be here any

minute why do we even have to go I hate

that stupid train museum because it's

the third week of your three-week

holiday break week one we loved you week

two we like two weeks three get out your

suitcases should be by the door we don't

want grandma and grandpa hanging around

once these old people sit down it takes

the star-spangled banner to get them to

stand up again mance is gonna fight hey

hey hey you guys say this every year and

every year we have a great time you and

mom staying home every year and we have

a great time oh god no I can't wait

three whole days without anyone yelling

i need help i need food i need clean

underwear you do know i'm still gonna be

here right oh I get it underwear

optional huh yep right on time I'll get

it bill barge in don't do all the boys

to bring museum Express we've been to

two to me all the way from Indiana I had

to cr*ck a window how was the cruise oh

oh you should have seen the food Helen

show him the pictures oh look at this

that's just the lunch buffet and then

your father dragged me to this naked

beach here's your book hi I got a treat

for you for the trip down I bought a CD

of authentic train sounds oh some seem

to mullet de musica the real and that's

just volume 1 volume 2 is in the car

okay everybody ready to go well what's

the rush we'll sit and visit for a few

minutes yeah what's the rush no rush we

just hate to see you guys hit traffic

traffic oh yeah leaving town this time

of day I mean I'm sure you heard the

Kennedys down to two lanes because of

construction I was not aware of that

Helen we're leaving come on kids lots of

trains

on my mom today Oh what was that nothing

I ceased this does not sound good really

mom it's a sturdy I know how you get

sick the sneeze turns into across the

next day you're running a fever gene

maybe we better stick around and keep an

eye on her tonight no no no I'm fine

it's just allergies there's a lot of

dust around the house my allergies

haven't been that bad they can be brian

is just worrying about mom and so am i

besides if she think we might all have

the virus in it huh nobody sick me is

not a sneeze into profit a fever just a

thing go go go have a good time yeah and

hurry that traffic windows closing a lot

of maniacs on the road it fees and

they're hot rods go go go we're saying

a hundred and two just like I said

amazing you could be a carnival fever

guess ur mom take the kids go to train

museum oh not when my little jujube

needs me you just relax I'll get you

some more soup I'm can you hand me those

insurance papers I have to fill out the

forms for the kids I'll do it you're

sick mom it's really complicated HMO

stuff Judy when you get to be my age

health insurance is your world I made a

profit on my gallbladder operation now

don't you worry I'll take care of all

this paperwork get you some magazines

bring the little TV in here and clean

the house from top to bottom you relax

and let mommy take care of everything

okay mommy you know drunk are we doing

have other channels besides the weather

channel look at those precipitation

numbers well I'm glad we're not in

Seattle huh oh I don't know nice and

green good coffee a couple of thousand

miles away from here look kids between

this storm and that low pressure system

over the Dakotas I think we're in for a

very interesting afternoon in the

morning Laura and I need you to do the

dishes Brian I want you to wipe down

every surface in this house with Lysol

we've got to disinfect before the whole

family gets sick but we're enjoying the

weather channel with Grandpa you heard

your grandma I'll get cracking thank you

Bill you're in charge of ironing I don't

really I earn my body heat and moisture

tend to steam out the wrinkles white

heat and moisture where do you see

Florida humidity of eighty percent and

it's rising where's the iron

hi mommy new term I heard you guys were

in town and I came over right away hey

mom you know that psychology class I'm

taking it on and the finals oh that's

wonderful sweetie as soon as I get you

two some more soup I want to hear all

about it don't you want to hear about it

now Linda your sisters running a fever

Judy's running a fever maybe I should

prep myself for surgery in case she

needs my marrow daddy you hear about

migraine I sure did did you hear about

this heat wave in Arkansas you know

what's interesting about a heat wave I

learned in my psychology class with the

crime rate rises with the heat well in

fact there was a famous out to sea with

you tropical depression Edgar dr.

Indiana with you cause of our depression

G oh hello slaves dad when is mom gonna

get better it's been days yeah all this

work is making me look forward to school

that's just not right I think you've got

it bad new kids were supposed to be

trapped with them at a train museum I

had a sh*t at three straight days of

pants free living instead I'm ironing

class

she any better throat so sore she can

barely talk but she finally fell asleep

did you finish ironing a sheep yes I did

and where do they go linen closet here's

the extra blanket room Oh Eddie for yard

field goal attempt one second left on

the clock the kick is up grandpa did you

bring the berries you're faking sick no

I'm not faking I don't believe this

you're up here having fun while I'm

wasting my vacation days watching The

Weather Channel and ironing I've been

fakin but only since this morning before

that I was really six he smacked

laughing you're a liar liar pants on

fire by the way I'd b*rned your pants no

you don't understand for two days my

mom's been doing everything the cooking

the cleaning the health insurance papers

it's like being a wife and mom without

having the husband and kids Helen you're

going down no no don't worry about I

love it up here click being a kid again

my mom brings me soup and cold washcloth

and I get to watch TV and I get to eat

snack foods all day long bill object to

[Music]

gin and Jim next top out a little poker

get enough Jenna me we'll see how the

evening goes oh it's nine o'clock time

for the hawks game normal

don't be careful you're gonna break the

TV how this thing's indestructible we've

had it forever now what are we going to

do come on with two intelligent people

we should be able to find something to

do that doesn't involve TV let's go

downstairs and watch the game oh oh what

do you think you're doing you two should

not be out of bed well we were feeling a

little better so we wanted to watch tv

downstairs take 72 hours for the virus

to leave your system but our TV broke

you shouldn't be watching it anyway you

need your rest look TV is off for the

night I'll get back in that bed go at

March March March March Helen March bill

hypnotism a kit work I'm not trying to

fix it anymore this is just hate she's

not gonna let us out of bed for another

day then they're gonna leave and we'll

go back to work without any vacation at

all this is the worst fake illness ever

oh my god is it instructions on how to

fix the TV yeah in the paper no it's a

midnight show the song remains the same

at the esquire and we hadn't seen

Zeppelin on the big screen since high

school even then I spent half the movie

going come on pass it dude we took a hop

we could totally make a midnight show

but your parents will never let us leave

bill they couldn't stop our wedding and

they're not gonna stop this I wanted to

stop a wedding no they like you

and the same cold air filtering it over

the waters the great legs or convenience

why are we stopping here I was going to

pick up six friends of a cold and need a

ride oddly enough they're all men but

what didn't bring my wallet oh man well

there goes the movie there's got to be

some toll money or something around here

bingo in the glove box subtle change

organizers there's got to be at least

twenty bucks here that's my Brian huh

he's also got a Yoda mask and an asthma

inhaler oh we know our sons not sexually

active I'm on this planet hey here's our

six little friends how we gonna sneak

them into the movie theater I could hide

them in my shirt and pretend I got a

beer belly yeah pretend

oh my god I can't believe it's a snow

white video that teen has been begging

me for look at that let's go there's

only one copy left and I looked forward

to every where she wants it so bad we

only have so much change if we buy this

we can't have our big night out we'll

come back tomorrow and get it yeah I'll

hide it behind something nobody will

ever buy like these soy chips she's not

be allowed to call these chips alicious

my ass bed everything yep Heidi excuse

me you're buying beer I need ID ID I'm

40 years old sorry I have to cart

everyone we've had some trouble with

undercover cops come on do I look like a

Chicago cop yeah I got ID Matt's a

refrigerator magnet don't see him big

Judy she's right it is the law what kind

of society would it be if we didn't

abide by the law is your beer dude yes

at least six bucks keep the change let's

just keep the change ya lookin at sea

we're sneaking out of the house driving

a party band and getting the stranger to

buy beer for us it's 1982 again miss me

well I hope Tina didn't sneak into our

room Horace and blow our cover better

days sometimes she gets up we watch

Letterman then we each have a bowl of

cereal and it's off to bed for me I

don't know what she does

you should go back to the storm buyer

that video Julie the videos 20 bucks we

have to return the beer and skip the

movie it'll be there tomorrow it's

behind soy chips you know I'm thinking

of buying a bag for the house so we can

hide your jewelry I also think about

buying me some jewelry if it isn't there

tomorrow I'm gonna feel like a horrible

mother you're not a horrible mother so

you faked sick to get out of being with

your kids and got your mom to do some

important health insurance stuff so we

could sneak beer into a movie that does

not mean so now you want to return the

beer and by the video even though you

don't have a receipt and you illegally

had another customer by the beer for you

I just feel like we're getting bogged

down and b*at listen Emma do you kiss

your own boy and a girl then you can

understand how some of these children's

videos are hard to come by my kids are

in their 20s twenties when did you have

an eighth grade actually I did could you

please just do this for us mother to

mother fine thank you so much hello

kitty the beer was 549 so we owe you but

you just got it together to have kids

well now we don't have any money for

movie tickets so much for our big wild

night out yeah but we did the right

thing I can't wait to see Tina's face

tomorrow when we give her this video you

know it's fun to school around pretend

to be a couple of teenagers but when it

comes down to it being a parent comes

first we're out of gas where's Emma gone

she's just here two minutes ago yeah and

what doesn't like to hang out after her

shift ends seeing a desk when the pay

stop okay look Paco we just bought this

video but now we want to return it and

get our money back we need to buy gas

sure thing you got to receive people in

their obsession receipts believe he

wouldn't give us our money back calm

down Paco was just doing his job oh it's

just like you decide with taco Linda's

not home and everybody else we know is

at home actually taking care of their

children must be somebody we can find

with a driver's license

I hope you two are happy Brian and I

were sect I mean you two could have been

dead in a ditch for all we need wait

till we tell your mother you're not

going to tell my mother seriously you're

not going to tell my mother right

okay everybody be quiet cuz we don't

want to wake up grandma and grandpa too

late father and I have been up all night

worried sick right gene hey they're

right here Alan I just not here I guess

you caught us fair and square might as

well come clean Brian and Lawrence nukka

what that's right we have to go and

track him down well you kids should be

ashamed of yourself making your parents

go out when they've been sick especially

with those gusts coming in off the lake

that will be with us through the weekend

come on grandpa mom and dad sick of this

and you will be punished as a matter of

fact Grandma and Grandpa rescheduled the

train museum for President's Day weekend

but we are not going to let you go

really oh you can bag but it's not going

to happen I guess we deserve me we learn

our lesson the hard way good night right

oh thank god we don't have to go to that

dreadful train museum Oh loves are

watching snow white oh and love children

stories you know when when your aunt

linda was younger she thought she was

going to be a writer in fact bars when I

was in college

just be very narrative voice in an

active in that way

[Music]
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