02x15 - Still Flirting

[bunniefuu]

mom tell Cena to leave me alone Tina do

you tell Lauren to leave me alone well

I'm on the phone and it's important

you're probably just gossiping with your

stupid little friends about how much you

hate Katie Daniels you guys need to grow

up mom make her stop Lauren get off the

phone Brian play with your toys upstairs

yes I will build my limited-edition

medieval fortress upstairs okay later

so who's Katie Daniels she's just some

stuck-up cheerleader that all the

teachers love and all the boys slobber

over that's no reason to hate someone

yeah it is because eventually Katie

Daniels gets a job at your office and

the slobbering boys turn into slobbering

lawyers who make her your boss because

when you get our coffee you can spit in

it let's go train or sleep stick Linda

stay leave the mailman alone I know you

wound up but I'll take you to the park

later wake and run it off yeah I'm the

doc I'm the one who scratches himself

and eats off the floor look I'm trying

to talk but all I hear is people

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

okay thanks the power company has a new

last notice color I'm scared oh no he

did it again not that idiot give us the

neighbors mail building Melones new and

anyone can mix up Miller with Muller hmm

or Miller with Pomerance who's deceased

but whose car wash coupons live on hey

Judy look at sh*t yeah I lost some

weight oh you work it out

no even better I caught a stomach virus

oh good for you

I couldn't keep anything down we're up I

was coming out every week okay so you

all set for dinner where you guys going

the church woman oh that's that new

cigar club on wells

yeah it's Bill's new hangout he gets

dressed up and goes out with this

boyfriend we're not boyfriends we're

just regular guys who enjoy each other's

company by the way I like your tie here

occurred in I got it at Ross plus the

church showroom also happens to be a

fantastic restaurant you ever been Judy

no I just figured was a guy thing you

can come if you want you sure yeah but I

gotta warn you about the language you

know some of the guys are a little

sensitive so if you clean it up a little

bit tonight sure you're alright sure why

not you're my wife I want to share

everything with you except the souffle

for two one spoon all mine okay no no I

mean it none of that just one bite crap

I'm onto you

isn't it nice to be in a place where a

guy can have a cigar without everyone

griping let me have them lit that thing

fits make me throw up so what do you

think Judy not bad

it's pretty nice between the smoke and

this dark lighting and this martini one

of you might get lucky tonight I feel

like I already got lucky I can't believe

they knew how to make a peppermint

pattie I'm hungry though where our

appetizers I'll get the waitress Lexie

honey yeah yeah I got a question for you

I was wondering where you put my heart

probably heaven where she came from let

me guess you're a Taurus I asked if she

was a Taurus like the bull let me know

we called you over because we were

wondering about our appetizers oh I'll

bring you some menus we already ordered

you did yeah I remember you were

standing right then and well that's all

I remember

[Laughter]

oh she's wonderful she's the best

waitress here I wonder if she's busy on

Wednesday hey come on guys these women

are not just objects we should treat

them with holy crap fresh meat if she

knew all right what happened to the

appetizers oh those won't be ready for a

while ravioli

what the heck I'll give it a try and

what did you order Romeo well I had the

porterhouse that's fine

salmon it is and yours I know is right

wait a second I ordered the ribs with

the sauce on the side

you just brought me the sauce on the

side oh you're right

this is not your fault really sauce on

the side you know if it makes you feel

any better I sleep on my side why would

that make her feel better how about you

Lexie do you sleep on your side I don't

know

[Laughter]

was that a great meal or what can't

believe you're eating this sandwich

starving it's your own fault I don't

know why I only ordered a side of

barbecue sauce

I ordered the ribs and I waited for them

till mine were showing oh you should

have had some of my ravioli I did it

tasted like cardboard it's cardboard

tastes like little pillows of heaven

well I love you but the Churchill room

sucks what where's this coming from

the food is bad everything is overpriced

and the service is all horrible that's

crazy if it's so bad how come it's my

favorite restaurant on earth I think we

both know wait it's your favorite

restaurant on earth get a little older

and you like the attention you get from

the cute little waitresses

that's ridiculous not angry Bell it's

fine

just admit it I'm not gonna admit it

it's not true Oh what maybe you're

getting a little older and it makes you

insecure to see young women who are

intrigued by men of the world men of the

world when was the last time you were

even out of the state last month other

than buy a lottery ticket

okay last July are fireworks

I really don't honestly just admit that

you go there to flirt with the waitress

isn't this conversation will be over no

it's not true however you might want to

admit you're jealous of young women who

are intrigued by me some guys have it

some guys don't

I'm one of the guys who has it well you

have it all right

FET you're full of it hey Lauren Warren

I thought I asked you to play with your

sister I am we're playing library

Laurens librarian I got a great idea

let's play girl who gets grounded you

could be the girl wash well I'm digging

this librarian Jane if you need this one

but I need a doll that looks like Katie

Daniels sure such a shame because Katie

has such long pretty hair this game you

have a good day at work

oh it's not work when you do something

you love and I sell toilets so it's work

I felt really badly about what happened

the other night so I made a special

dinner just for the two of us I hope

you're hungry I hope you're hungry

good one Judy what's wrong nothing are

you sure cause if something's wrong you

could tell me no no it's fine well I

tried a new recipe and I want to know

what you honestly think you won't be mad

that bad huh interesting cause you liked

it the other night when you had it at

Churchill Room

so you tricked me damn right I did and

this proves it you'll go there for the

little pillows I haven't you go there

for the big pillows ahem

this doesn't prove anything other than

that you're a little nuts oh come on you

said yourself you brought this food home

in the cold in a styrofoam box which we

all know absorbs flavor waves flavor

waves

what are flavor waves flavor waves those

curvy lines that come off of food in

comic books

oh my interrupting dinner face it bill

this meal is identical to the one you

had the other night I don't know why

this is so important to you I mean you

say you're not jealous but look at all

the trouble you went to I'm not jealous

but if I were gonna flirt with somebody

to feel good about myself at least I'd

admit it yeah I totally grapes like you

and the mailman what

mailman when you flirt with him you're

not trying to hide that from anybody the

mailman I do not work with the mailman

oh come on sure you do it's perfectly

harmless I am a friendly person what's

the big deal if i chat with Jeremy every

now and then Jeremy the guy doesn't know

our name but you know his I know it

because it's polite okay what was our

last male man's name ah George no it

wasn't it was John you have no idea

neither do you

actually it was Joyce nice gal lesbian

let me see if I got this straight what

we have here is Judy and Jeremy who are

apparently sitting in a tree okay then a

high SS IMG I don't comes low this is

help then comes marriage then comes the

wrong mail in the mail carriage you know

this isn't that bad after all fact that

tastes like victory

[Music]

ah she was great I can't wait for my

facial you still sore from your waxing

work wasn't so bad the undercarriage

sustained most of the damage I'm just

glad that we're using up mom's gift

certificates yeah it's a nice present of

course I didn't need the lecture about

how if I cleaned up the park I'd get

more tourists I hope you're not still

mad at me about mentioning the whole

flirting thing in front of bill I do not

flirt with the mailman come on Judy

everyone does especially if you've been

married for a long time you want to feel

like you can still turn a few heads I

don't care about that then why are you

here getting the Fountain of Youth

facial because it's included and turned

back the clock package oh my god that's

the waitress bill was fawning all over

the other night Oh chick fight you're

not gonna fight her I don't want to get

her mad I'm still waiting for my

appetizer should have seen her the other

night she had all the guys at the table

wrapped around her little 22 year old

finger yeah I hate that super beautiful

are you ready for your full-body hotel

rub

it's just not my day what happened to

mess up your order no I missed my

appointment now I have to wait have you

ever had an exfoliating foot scrub here

no oh it's great I like to keep my feet

rough keeps my husband on his side of

the bed I've got to pamper myself once

in a while otherwise I'll end up

stabbing one of my customers with the

knives they're always accidentally

dropping so they can watch me pick them

up I have seen you with your customers

and if you stabbed one of them they'd

laugh the guy next to him would say oh

I'm him what he's yeah I was there last

Saturday night husband bill he goes all

the time

cute middle-aged guy tells a lot of bad

jokes oh yeah yeah oh he's a sweet guy

you have no idea who he is do you

sorry wow they all turn into one

middle-aged guy who likes to tell bad

jokes so you're not intrigued by them

because they're men of the world no I

put up with them because they're minim I

rent hi I'm Keith Martin football

captain and I think they're gross in a

minute but I think Lauren Miller is

totally awesome and dumber too

[Music]

good they're playing look what I had

done to spa oh they made your fingers

more wiggly no I had a manicure and it

felt great I wanted to apologize for

making you feel bad about flirting with

that waitress I told you I wasn't

flirting with her either way it doesn't

matter it has nothing to do with our

relationship you can go to the Churchill

room anytime you want to really yeah

thank you

fact you may want to go tonight Lexi's

working she's pulling a double shift

she'll be there till about 10:00 how do

you know all this well I saw her at the

spa and we talked turns out she's just a

single mom working her butt off and she

relies on nice guys like you to earn a

living she asked kids yeah

just one but what a delivery 18 hours of

labor and then a c-section c-section is

that worth a year now she has to work

three jobs she's on her feet all day

they're a mess Lexi from the restaurant

but she wears those cute little shoes

yeah and they make her feet up raw

gnarled well there anytime you want

flirt away and tip her good oh but don't

get too close because her kid has

pinkeye and I think she's getting it too

good to know she can go there tonight

next week we'll see never never never

gonna go there again why why would I the

food sucks okay I admit it the only

reason I went there was to flirt with

the waitresses and I told you it's all

right well it's not all right for me

anymore she has twisty toes and a baby

popping out like the alien how can I

ever look her in the pinkeye again

what do you think that she was some doll

who slept 23 hours a day and woke only

to bring you meat maybe oh oh hi get it

you did this on purpose

yes you did you took Lexie and you

ruined her for me what are you gonna

ruin for me next sunsets banana splits

Dorf Dora

you know the little short guy who plays

golf on those video Tim Conway I did not

ruin Lexi for you you just have that

superficial guy thing where you can't

flirt with a woman unless she's

absolutely perfect that's why they

airbrushed the centerfolds in Playboy

juice stop excuse me Jeremy could you

come in here for a second I need to talk

to you what are you doing

we'll see who's superficial I'm about to

poke a hole in your mailman hi I'm bill

nice to meet you hey Judy hey Jeremy wow

you're a really good-looking Thanks

no I mean you're you're really

attractive it's like there's nothing

wrong with you at all

or is there kind of in the middle of my

route oh this will just take a second

you know it's a it's good to get to know

the people who work in your neighborhood

so do you have any scars or deformities

you know chafing from carrying the bag

forms from all the walking I do have an

ingrown toenail

oh that sounds yucky oh yes he also has

eczema a bad back and sinus infections

too Jews that steam like I told you -

yeah did it get rid of all the gunk

yeah but then my eyes got gooey when I

woke up my eyelashes were so stuck

together I'd have picked the crud off

your eyelashes you have to use a wet

washcloth Bob stop this this is how you

flirt yes because to me Jeremy's flaws

make him all the more human and when I

flirt I know I'm flirting with a real

person and not some fantasy figure you

flirt with me we're out with each other

I don't flirt with you I'm married don't

matter yeah it kind of does look I'm not

interested in why wife-swapping

what are your sick freaks are into

freaks we've just been married a long

time and so we need a little attention

from strangers which is what do you

provide for my wife I don't provide

anything for your wife not even

attracted to her

excuse me oh I get it

middle-aged lady with three kids has a

few miles on her now you want to dump

her by the side of the road well leave

them alone it's not that I don't like

her it's just I think of her more like a

mom yeah you people need help Oh

the good news is he thinks for the

Pomerance

[Music]

you have beautiful feet Thanks take

those piggies to the market which

reminds me we're out of roast beef

Judy don't be mad at me because of the

whole Lexie I wasn't mad at you bill I

know I guess I just didn't want to admit

I was one of those guys who has to flirt

with a waitress to feel like he's still

in the game because I didn't want to

admit those all jealous of her

sorry I ruined your party for you well

that's okay things were getting a little

stale between me and Lexie anyway but

there's a new teller at the bank who

looks promising sorry I scared off your

mailman don't worry about it guy who

plows our street waved at me this

morning

I suppose I could build on their good

luck well maybe tonight we could be each

other's flirt buddy

so you'll pretend to be the snow pop as

long as you pretend to be the girl from

the bank bank tellers yeah

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]