wasn't a very good movie huh you're
telling me one of these Hollywood big
shops gonna get it right its lair a
popcorn layer of butter lera popcorn
layer of ice exactly what they're gonna
find if they ever cut you open yeah how
about the two of us staff just a little
longer let me drink in your beauty in
the moonlight oh so now it's layer of
popcorn layer crap you don't want to go
inside because your mother's in there
that's cuz the second I walk in she'll
trap me into taking a shopping tomorrow
like I have to every Saturday now oh
it's only one day a week and it's your
mom it's taking time away from another
important relationship oh you mean the
couch the couch is only three years old
these are perform at every year oh
there's my little silly Billy Oh your
face is so cold you're my silly chilly
chilly billy thanks for babysitting we
Tina's all tucked in so I'll just go on
home with our big day tomorrow Oh what
time do you want me to take your
shopping oh I don't need you tomorrow
I've got friends you'd plant Judy she
has plans without me don't pick have it
and I father phoenix Saturday oh I don't
need you then either I'm doing something
with a friend you have a friend jus be
picky g'nite ma can I kids how the hell
did she make a friend oh no don't care
neither does my pal kouchi
not you doin out of bed I can dance
Justin kiddos I mean a hug I wonder why
I love more than anything else in the
world with Nana tonight she talked on
the phone to some man all night I'm
going to bed wait christmas is such a
good name he called me cupcake cupcake
ever last name I don't remember good
night wait wait I'm really tired Judy
let it go to bed she's tired fine time
go to bed but I was under the impression
you a big girl so your mom was talking
on the phone all night some guy I think
louise has a boyfriend Wow I need a
drink well I know it's going to be weird
seeing your mom with another man but I
think eventually here it is champagne
the cupcake whoever you are god bless
you you poor bastard
[Music]
come at me
[Applause]
[Music]
right she got on there it's part 6 of a
ten-part series on dinosaurs I can save
you a lot of time they d*ed all right
dad isn't saturday your day to take nana
shopping yeah why don't you met cupcake
who is cupcake I don't know I think I
love it more than actual cupcakes Oh
what's what you want here what a bed oh
yeah I was doping it with your dad it's
manna hey MA hi Billy I can only stay a
minute soon as I find my knitting I'm
gone you heard her we're looking for
knitting you take the upstairs go go go
I'm Judy she said she promised I'd Oh
Jenna call the ways it was having the
giant baby now their golf club covers
for a friend Oh cupcake no thanks I've
gotta save my appetite so I was taking
me to a fancy restaurant I know cupcake
fine I'll take one of you and sent No so
where are you guys going Judy you know
the funny thing about knitting when you
pull one thread it all comes apart
lastly Chinese restaurant called the
monkey palace mr. golf and friend well
if you must know his name is Johnny so
where'd you meet hello you be at the
bank we were in line and he helped me
fill out my deposit slip and then he
asked me to lunch and we've been dating
ever since the end but what does Johnny
do oh we have senior citizens with their
savings something about offshore
investments offshore investments did you
hear that film offshore investment saw
the guy sells boats on by I so that's it
you're not the least bit interested in
who your Ma's dating she's not a child
she's a grown woman she can take care of
herself but doing she thinks this guy
sounds a little bit shady shady like a
picnic under an oak tree on a lovely
spring day you didn't hear one word she
said about him I did too his name's
Jimmy he lives in a palace he has a
giant baby and
Johnny this is such a nice place and
look at this fancy menu with a tasco
only the best for you Louise now why do
some of these things are little stars
next to them ah that means that dish is
hot and spicy you should have a little
star next to you well if you'll excuse
me I have to use the restroom why don't
I order some appetizers while you're
gone you're the boss Louise would you be
spying on my mother know if this
businessman scams your mom and she winds
up broke where do you think she's gonna
live you're right no swingler is gonna
make me put my mom in some trailer park
next to the graveyard bill why don't we
go sit at our regular table since you
know we eat here all the time oh wait
what are you two doing here are you
kidding me the silver chimps one of our
favorite restaurant golden monkey monkey
Palace you to come here to check out my
gentleman friend please we want to meet
him because if he did anything to hurt
you we'd never be able to live with
ourselves in what is already a very
crowded house well he'll be back in a
second you might as well join us Thanks
we probably all right I'm starving I'll
order some appetizers while we're
waiting oh hi yeah you are yeah could
you start us with an order of egg rolls
I'm afraid you're making a little
mistake here yes before of us better
make that tour Billy Crystal or drink
don't worry if your boyfriend's too
cheap I'll pay for it mom buddy was
starving well he's not a waiter you're
telling me let's go Johnny you know if I
wasn't so used to moments like this I'd
be uncomfortable this is my son bill and
his wife Judy hi nice to meet you Johnny
you'll have to excuse my husband ISA
we'll see it's an easy mistake I mean
we're here in a Chinese restaurant this
guy walks up looking all Japanese he's
just a matter of letting him talk we
would you like some coffee oh no I'm not
drinking coffee anymore Johnny turned me
on to tea actually he's introduced me to
a lot of exotic thing thanks for
inviting us over for dessert I've
enjoyed meeting bills lovely sister in
law no Johnny the least tell us you're
an investment counselor i do pretty well
for my clients yeah oh really cuz uh
bill and I are always looking for a
shrewd place to put our money have any
suggestions oh I'm sorry Louise asked me
the same thing but i have a strict
policy against handling my friends money
and i guess i'll just stick with my
current investment strategy what's that
that's pretty diversified some quick
pics some scratchers in the long term
living off my children
[Laughter]
palla we just so great that you've been
a nice guy and without even trying you
have to use the internet or a dating
service or pretend you like fishing or
rock climbing or this house boy who's
clearly his life partner well we should
get going you're the boss Luiz yeah
let's see them on Friday when they come
over for Mom's birthday uh Billy you
know how tomorrow you were taking me to
the outlet stores to check for tight oh
if you don't mind I'd like to take her
welcome to the family let me walk you to
the car Johnny it's so great to meet you
and I look forward to meeting your
brother sons nephews doctors what have
you I'll make a few calls thank you to
meet you son right ladies drive safe wow
that johnny is a great guy don't you
think he's kind he's polite you just
grab my ass
your ass grabbed by your mother last
boyfriend are you sure I think so I mean
it wasn't exactly a grab but at the very
least it was like a gentle cupping Oh
Judy I guess you all worried for nothing
Johnny's the best thing to happen to my
mom hands down and touch don't say
anything I don't want to accuse Johnny
if I don't know for sure okay all right
why don't you just show me how it felt
maybe we can figure it out all right
yeah well um so I went to hug him like
is CIA and he put his arms around me
like that seems okay yeah and then you
know his hands kind of slip we're really
high TV before canal I have been
spinning thanks for noticing so perv not
a purse I don't know I'm k words are
there any of this no now look a little
lower this is good but could we switch
Linda out for Shania Twain
[Music]
oh brother Brian sister Tina so happy to
see you and that wouldn't be because you
forgot to buy Nana a birthday gift and
you want to hone in on ours no you know
and just want to see what you wrote on
the card and she has a tent with fat man
is for thick you yeah for me and Tina
and nobody else would you hire Lauren uh
I will hand a poem oh really let's hear
it well it's not an actual word form yet
it's totally hurt oh honey that is so
not fooling anyone scared to start
writing and that one of those cheap
poems don't rhyme great missing ranks
with Nana come on big nana or Montana or
fancy Anna I did it table for Macky
fault are you wearing your good a spam
whole idea was to keep Johnny away from
you well I figure if he does it again
I'll know for sure so I brought out the
heavy a*tillery oh I was traffic exactly
if you can keep his hands off of this
then he is a good guy and I don't have
to say anything this oh okay here we go
now keep your eyes on my butt all night
long I'll get it I'll get it there you
are
oh happy birthday mom some sweet of you
kids I don't know how I can ever repay
you you already have it is our pleasure
Louise we're the ones who should be
thanking you thank you well Judy I just
like merlot you brought us wine come
here take it easy I saw him first Oh
Louise I'm sorry I'm just so happy for
the both of you I can't help but to come
with me to some kind of weird in the
kitchen
we're new kitchen you why are you moving
in on my mother's boyfriend all right I
didn't want to tell you this cuz I
didn't want you to get upset but
something happened with Jonny what he
grabbed my ass Haley my Johnny the other
night while we went to say goodbye you
know he had to be and I think he might
have gotten a little handsy okay okay
now I'm hearing Mike and sink which to
me means might not and I don't think so
k*ll your mother might be dating a
groper and I need to know for sure oh I
get it this is what all the hugging's
about you're trying to trap them with
that ass of yours yeah just like you
didn't matter if he takes the bait you
gotta tell your mom this is terrible
terrible i just got my Saturday's back
now I'm gonna have to go tight shopping
with believe all you care about your
Saturday's you know there was a time
that you would clock a guy if I thought
I even looked at me funny tights Judy he
models and for me and you know why they
call tights becomes a tight
[Music]
Brian Tina oh thank you so much it's top
of the line trust me say goodbye to
nosebleeds forever I want to thank you
oh that's so fast anna i think the lawns
have something for you it's nice to see
a family that loves each other so much
yeah yeah i lost got a poem oh it's
nothing special you know i'll just send
it to you tomorrow no I would love for
the poet asst to recite it for me yeah
this should be good little miss Nina so
down the banana in her chief Owen wine
then Along Came her birthday which was
surf and turf day at Denise for 899 like
that was my favorite present I'm deathly
allergic to shellfish what a sweet poke
all right I should go fix my face
favorite president would have ripped
mine came from sharper image mine has a
fully enclosed missing chamber fully
enclosed there's a finish your homework
will call you when it's cake time Oh
Johnny let me refill your wine oh why
thank you and I think you could use a
little more too can I give you a hand
now are never County okay kick ready
well why don't you let me help I haven't
listened to finger all night no kiddin
last one was practically a lap dance Oh
No grab not a cop not even a brush pic
makes you feel any better I look down
your shirt
thank you honey well I guess the other
night was just an accident it's just
nice that my mom found a guy who makes
her really happy thanks for the help
with the king oh you're welcome Oh bill
I was waiting for a chance to speak to
you alone I'd like to talk you about
something in port oh sure big piece ice
cream on the side no on the tongue no
I'm actually I was thinking about asking
your mother to move in with me Wow few
girls are getting pretty serious well
I'm not getting any younger so I was
wondering if you'd give me your blessing
not take your time and think it yes oh
wow thanks Billy I appreciate that oh
sorry about the sugar oh don't worry
coming oh oh good another hug he really
does seem like a nice guy yeah I agree
see how helpful he was with the cage
you thought he was some sort of grow fur
I admit I feel very cool now we can all
just relax and enjoy the party ah crap I
didn't feel a thing wow he's good Johnny
just asked me to move in with him why
don't you two take the cake after the
living room gladly leave the night lead
the night MA I think we need to talk
about you and Johnny living together
well the downside is you wouldn't be
seeing as much of me he's got a condo in
Scottsdale so I'd be 2,000 miles away
from October on ma Johnny's a great guy
in almost every way but there's this one
thing about him you might want to know
oh I know all about his new hips and
trust me they work great ah there's no
good way to say this but we caught
Johnny grabbing Judy and Linda's butts
I'm sorry mama could you tell him but
not that off you know about this oh how
do you think we met he got me in the
bank line why would you want to live
with somebody who's gonna do this oh
it's not a cheater she's just a little
crabby man his hands may wander but they
did their best work at home can't call
around grabbing people it's not right
well maybe I should have a talk with him
hey Johnny yeah stop grabbing the ladies
they don't like it you're the boss Luiz
now go apologize to the girl gotcha do
it
here you're not rushing into things
moving in with him already Oh relax I
haven't decided anything yet but you
know it's really cute what you at first
I thought you were happy I found Johnny
so that you wouldn't have to do errands
with me no I know now I see how
protective you are made oh you are my
mother and I'm always gonna look out for
you so sweet of you and you do not have
to worry no man is ever gonna steal me
away from you I'd love to see one try
will your the mixed truck let's go blow
out your candles what a happy birthday I
can't believe I'm so lucky to have two
caring sensitive men in my life good I
like the skies of mom Jenna
I'm glad you liked it then I spent all
weekend working on it no I'm sorry the
music of Lawrence poem
[Laughter]
[Music]
I wouldn't have it any
the way cause me mags me
[Applause]
02x16 - Still Groping
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.