02x21 - Still in Cahoots

[bunniefuu]

the drama department would like to

announce that auditions for the Wiz will

be held after school today anyone

interested should ease on down to the

auditorium next week is teacher

appreciation week any gifts for teachers

must be first brought by the office to

be x-rayed please no live animals or

dead ones also the student awards

banquet will be held saturday evening

those who require a special meal please

like the organizing committee know in

advance inside the mine doesn't have

your permission slips and by Tuesday for

Friday's out of this world trip through

the planetarium I think you're making a

full on yourself apparently miss Miller

feels she can do a better job with this

morning's announcements no I it was my

peer

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

you haven't fooled at any of the laundry

oh yeah yeah it's not that I don't want

to fold the laundry it's that I can't

I'm laundry lexing that must be really

tough since you're also a full of crap

aholic go ahead and laugh but am i mixed

up world shirts or pants pants or shirts

but I walking a mile in my gloves see

that's wrong and I don't know why

receive justice I've never been to Uncle

Salty's nudie palace now it's from the

urban lair it sounds like one of those

stores Lauren goes to 0 and all previous

comments should be disregarded so I told

him the minimum Saturday night I can't

wait till Saturday hmm what's going on

Saturday night nothing well didn't you

just say it was going to be great yeah I

have a math final and Brian's going to

help me study isn't that great setting

huh just like you were doing at the

library yesterday when you really were

at the urban layer it's three-thirty no

I swear I was at the library Rebecca all

afternoon I believe you Brian where was

she actually mom she really was there oh

come on you don't have to cover for her

to say the word and Lauren's doing all

your chores for a month no it's the

truth you studying Rebecca okay huh what

I just saw the weirdest thing you look

and I had a squirrel on water skis this

is even weirder Ryan and Lauren are

getting along so so we got two teenagers

suddenly willing to lie for each other

it's like the Joker the Riddler who

joined forces another clean they get

Tina to be the penguin they could rule

Gotham you got to get you a Catwoman

remember when I was in high school when

linda and i started covering for one

another after that it was just booze and

parties and one lowlife guy after

another there's no way our kids are is

desperately skanky as you and your

sister and then I met you all Brian and

mourn are in there talking about

Saturday night all right all right we'll

keep an eye on him you know who could

really prowl around and figure this out

I'm not wearing a Catwoman

[Music]

[Laughter]

let me guess we ran out of vacuum bags

and you're just using your head now turn

their wet story you were right I think

someone's going down tonight their eyes

are going to sip sodas with Spacek

or assassinate Sammy Sosa doing

celebrating our love second I'm gonna be

celebrating my puke that's it we're just

gonna let him go shouldn't we at least

warn Sammy Sosa let him go we have no

reason to keep on your right we don't

want to be the kind of parents who judge

our kids when we don't even have proof

exactly which is why we need to r*fle to

Brian's room so what are we looking for

well know when we find it ah jeez here's

something you hate to find in your son's

bedroom dirty magazine worse the songs

of Stephen Sondheim doors locked this

can't be good well lookie here Ryan's

driver's license apparently he's 21

years old and lives in West Palm Beach

Florida fake ID oh there's a whole state

of um our son is making fake IDs just

like we did I want seeing one of our

kids names with a different address kind

of nice know if it's right out here can

you imagine what he has locked in the

closet okay stand back don't hurt

yourself don't break the door I'm not

gonna break the door

ah when we got here keep out yeah like

that's gonna stop me god there's a bunch

of money and here he's making a fortune

out of selling fake IDs wow he really

does have a place in west palm beach

[Music]

nothing in Laurens room it's going to

let them get the best of us as soon as

they come home we're going to confront

them with the evidence and find out what

they're up to tonight I'll take Brian

you take Lauren gotcha I'll cr*ck our

like an egg on Sunday morning put some

bacon maybe some of those little

cinnamon bun no no biscuits no farmers

bill stay focused okay we got to be

together on this we have to show them

what happens when we stay united will be

like Superman and Wonder Woman I'm not

dressing like Wonder Woman fine I'll

return it hey guys we need to talk to

the two of you yeah Lauren in the

kitchen with me Brian upstairs with your

mother she's gonna work you over like

she's Lara Croft Tomb Raider I'm not

gonna happen

[Music]

so anything you want to tell me about

what's going on tonight no that's all

right we got nothing but time for the

pretty hot in here huh actually it's not

too bad oh then I guess you won't be

needing this no I have my own what

happened to my wall we're not here to

talk about your wall we should be

there's a gaping hole in it Oh your

closet door was locked it wasn't locked

the door knob stakes i vas dad's it fix

it like a hundred times oh yeah so you

expect me to believe that you asked your

father to fix it a hundred times and he

never oh well that makes sense so why

not be huh tell me about these their

fake IDs I made then so you admit it yes

aha wait why would you admit I made him

for a report I did in my journalism

class about how easy it is to get fake

IDs it made the front page of the school

paper oh please I think if you had an

article on the front page of the school

paper I would have known about it I gave

it to you to read you said you loved it

oh yeah that was a great article

mr. favorite part the part about I'm not

the one on trial here you better start

giving some answers because your sister

is down there right now spilling her

guts now I'm gonna ask you one more time

I'm gonna tell you one more time you

could not have any of my cream soda Cara

be a baby so hot in here why don't you

turn off the oven why why because the

Heat's getting to you hon you're about

to cr*ck haha yeah just looks with me

now about these fake IDs I told you

Bryan made them for an article he wrote

in a school paper mom didn't tell you

about it no she didn't and your mother

tells me everything maybe she was

distracted that was a day of record date

date well yeah she was trying to b*at a

speeding ticket she told you about

speeding ticket right yes okay smart guy

you're so innocent how do you explain

this big giant black box full of money

it's my money where'd you get it I have

a job why do you keep it hidden in your

closet because you and dad are always

borrowing my money I'm still waiting for

the 60 bucks dad took last Friday when

he went to the bar with Fitz last Friday

he was watching Tina yeah he took her

with him 15 it to a bar yeah she ate six

pickled eggs you want to bet six pickled

eggs on Friday night that explains

Saturday morning feelin any better yeah

yeah thanks for the cream soda I got a

little overheated can I talk to you

you took our daughter to a bar what last

Friday you took kina to a bar r & Grill

but I guess you couldn't read the whole

sign as you were speeding by this court

date please you taking Tina to a bar is

much worse than me getting a couple of

speeding ticket a couple of speeding

tickets oh my god what Oh bill don't you

see what they're doing Brian and Lauren

are turning us against each other

they're good real good well that's about

this stuff we're going in there as a

team and we're gonna find out what's

going on tonight wait Lauren go O'Brien

Laura Brian Lauren just drove away in

advance what why didn't you stop them um

i was gonna throw myself under the rear

wheels but this is new outfit I can't

believe they left what didn't you tell

them they need to stay have you told

them they had to stay I mean Judy oh oh

they're good they're really that's it

we've really got to stick together now

Zack cream soda nope

[Music]

Tina you hear things and while it's good

to keep some secrets other secrets need

to be told Danny just Miguel bar I think

we're trying to find out if you know

where Brian and Lauren are they said

they're getting presents for being the

best people in school Taman they got to

her ok you're all done here daddy took

me to a racetrack till I said you're

done and it was a petting zoo you want

to test done have you checked at brians

computer maybe you left a trail that's a

good idea checking on my son's computers

how I found out he was gay a lot of gay

websites know when I went into his room

to check his computer he was necking

with some guy let's go up to Brian's

room check out his computer reesie thank

God I found that receipt from the urban

layer we wouldn't have known any of this

was going on wait the urban layer the

tattoo parlor tattoo parlor I hate kids

password password we need Brian's

password try Sondheim well you really

know your kid yes I do let's see where

he's been US Senate Hubble telescope

lucky jackpot casino I'll go to that it

is an online casino say it seems as

though Brian set up an account here oh

my god that's what this is about the

whispering the fake IDs check it out

blackjack roulette bill we got a problem

the urban layers att*ck to parlor you

think Lauren got a tattoo well I don't

know the receipt was for only thirty

dollars yeah it's probably a deposit

sometimes they recommend people pick out

a design and then sleep on it so a

stupid teenager can come to her senses

all right now a slightly drunk woman who

wanted to commemorate the passing of her

count

bill learn to be down there getting a

tattoo using one of Brian's fake ID

which he's also using to gamble online

you will in to get down there we've got

to figure out a way to close down his

account gambling tattoos who do our kids

think they are limp biscuit times like

this I'm happy to just have a normal gay

son

[Music]

excuse me within a minute maybe this is

a misunderstanding i mean but Laura

really get a tattoo are you kidding this

is totally the kind of stupid thing I

would have done when I was her age

permanently scarring my body with some

tacky hey Sheree is really nice all

right this little earring with a chain

on it huh that's where there's only one

maybe it's not an earring maybe it's a

belly button ring lower also available

as a clip-on oh I was wondering have you

seen either one of these kids in here no

not him she looks familiar she does you

gave my underage daughter a tattoo now

I'm thinking about it I've never seen

her before in my life I know you yeah

I've been in here before I almost got a

kitty cat tattoo no we did it at a party

once get it the dealer is showing a

three feeling a vibe here hit it believe

you listen to me if you want to buy no

what's that well I said I am an instant

message from one of Brian's friends i am

still meeting talking a lot behind

school syt syt it's going to be code for

something that's you there so they're

meeting behind the school where you

remember all the trouble we used to get

into buying the school and if those

walls could talk sometimes they did man

unfortunately no no remember told me to

put down the bong and go to college

behind the school okay I'm kind of in

the middle of something right now be

there as soon as I can't are we almost

done here sure if your favorite band is

Aerosmith ok I found Brian's van but he

wasn't in it cars here yeah there's a

light on inside you think it could be in

there I bet they are number one we used

to get the munchies and break into the

cafeteria pair off go down to the gym

get out the mats you think it's just

jammed congratulations Brian on your

journalism award now Brian isn't the

only Miller being honored tonight the

performing arts award goes to Lauren

Miller Miller family has a lot to be

proud of and alessia changes

please make your way to the nearest x

daddy please don't leave Nick you wait

where did you to tell us you were

getting awards tonight believe it or not

we thought you might embarrass us why

would you think that look around well

you're not completely innocent I know

all about your online gambling mr. what

you mean the account set up to research

my article on fake IDs the one I just

want to award for okay that settles it

someone in this family's got to read

this article and tell me all about it

what about your little trip to the urban

layer for a tattoo want to explain that

I can't get a tattoo i bought this

necklace to wear here tonight why didn't

you tell me that if I knew you'd want to

borrow it and I'd never see it again

that would look cute on me how do you

think I would get a tattoo that's so

tattoos can be tasteful

yes your trailer trash trailer trash you

got a tattoo I didn't get a big one cool

you thought we were going to break into

the school but you did you thought I was

getting a tattoo but you got one and

just on a hunch dad how much did you

lose gambling on my account 300 bucks I

am sorry that we put our stuff on you

you are not up so you're much better

kids than we were and we are thankful

for that we're sorry for embarrassing

you and we're really proud of you for

winning these awards fine fine there's

reception for all the winners that Miss

Crawford's house if you want to barge in

and ruin that too i can give you the

address no no no we're done for the

night we'll see you know and to show you

how much we trust you we're extending

your curfew till 12 have you

believe him I can't believe they bought

that sorry about the reception jorma

dropping you oh the party by the lake

bring it Brian Miller of West Palm Beach

Florida will be trying to get into uncle

salty snooty palace okay that should do

it now you cannot tell anybody where you

got this ID him 25 m yeah can you shave

another five pounds off yeah it could

take a while thank you

[Music]

I wouldn't have it any

wait cuz you make me

[Applause]