03x05 - Still Auctioning

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

oh good you're home teen will be here

and a half hour we only have time for a

quick quickie my speciality I say we

stop in the kitchen for a can of whipped

cream then head on up to the bedroom oh

are you gonna cover me in whipped cream

if there's any left by the time we get

there sure Tina what are you doing home

I ball drop me off you're supposed to be

your after-school enrichment singie they

don't have that anymore up to the school

cutter program and not tell the parents

they can't hold my bunch of fires well

where'd you put them I gave them to you

where did I put you said mommy's napping

go color on me oh this is terrible do

the best they can no honey I mean that

they cut your program this is where you

get your music in your art and if she

doesn't get her afternoon enrichment we

don't get our afternoon goody two-shoes

Kathy Halverson hasn't done anything

about its president of the PTA you know

she really slept lower save after school

enrichment join Ted and Kathy Halverson

for brownies and brainstorming oh my god

tonight we gotta go ah do we have to i

hate the Halverson's they're so full of

themselves that we shouldn't say bad

things about people and we don't unless

they're jerks stuck-up jerks big fat

stuck-up you understand honey

you to say

[Applause]

I hope we're not the first ones here

that'll make me listen to another one of

his Christian rap CDs by that group

hallelujah oh don't bother knockin let's

get this meeting rockin that's so q*eer

I'll need a lot of beer so it's up to

parents to rally together if we want to

save oh look who's here the Millers we

weren't expecting you well we never miss

anything when it comes to our kids

education oh that's funny I don't

remember seeing you at the book fair we

were sick or the bake sale yeah we are

still sick or Teacher Appreciation Day

lingering illness the important thing is

you're here now uh we're gonna need one

more chair oh I'll get my office chair

it's ergonomic Emily big words ergonomic

i can t just say you got a cheap there

we go I think I gave birth on something

like that well it's pretty simple these

here Fanny here

I'm not responsible for anything that

may happen in this position now if we

put our heads together I'm sure we can

come up with some good fundraising ideas

to save the after-school arts program oh

I have an idea I say we send the kids

out with coffee cans to collect money or

maybe we can raise this money without

turning our children into hobos any

other ideas anybody Judy I've got an

idea happy what if we host a silent

auction now there's a mother who cares

about her children really oh I gotta be

the voice of reason here it's a silent

auction how we gonna hear the bids

called a silent auction because you

write down your bids instead of calling

them out is this just because we have

that one death parent okay so silent

auction it it will break into committees

but first let's all go to the kitchen

and grab some of my homemade

butterscotch brownies judy judy take me

a quarter p

[Applause]

I'm thinking about donating a week at

our timeshare in Florida to the auction

they got terrific golf course but that's

perfect i'm donating lessons with the

pro at my club ah what are you thinking

about kicking in bill I can't tell you

it's a silent auction remember once

again it's the bid that is silent I mean

if you don't have even donate it's all

right oh we got something and it's gonna

be big like the lawyer telling figure

probably have lying around the house is

big you on Saturday I told Ted we were

gonna donate something big to the

auction why would you do that because he

was all in my face with his timeshare

trying to make me look bad like he

always does with his community service I

can t just not care like the rest build

it's not about your eco this is about

helping out Tina's school I'll go

straighten it out with careful oh I know

I could raise a lot of money with that

video I sh*t a you and our vacation Judy

gone wild did you erase my heart I did

say that Kathy um no and I was thinking

about what we're going to donate to the

auction Oh Judy don't worry about it no

one's expecting you to come up with

anything we've got stuff to donate oh

sure you do but there are so many other

ways you can give for example you two

are just the kind of worker bees we need

for the cleanup committee but oh there's

gonna be buzzed all right about the big

thing we're donating it's gonna be huge

did you talk to her yeah yeah you made

it worse way worse like there's those

Halverson yeah they act like there's so

much better than we are what are they

always manage to bring out the worst

because they are stupid stupid ass

people

who look like ass just because their

faces are like asses no I'm guessing

that once again you two got out there

made me proud to be a Miller well show

them we're gonna come up with something

great for this auction let's go

brainstorm Judy that'll be a light

drizzle you're 80 times up it's my turn

I'm watching the house appropriations

committee on c-span they're negotiating

a budget for the next fiscal year they

should set aside a couple of billion

dollars to build you a girlfriend the

sense of humor will get you through many

long nights at the toll booth Lawrence

being a pain you're just flipping around

here this looks good a Korean soap opera

you're gonna want something that you

don't understand just to keep me from

seeing the show I wait for all week you

don't get how that's fun for me okay

you've gone we can change it a few what

no no whoa Bobo who's the shirt with

Hani I don't know but I sure wish I knew

what he was talking about yeah he's

speaking the international language of a

walk

[Music]

look about to get the first bidder on

our item see I know if we put our heads

together and fill them with beer we've

come up with something good time to

close the deal say what's this all about

a night of beef and teeth whatever that

is oh oh wow says here it's a delicious

homemade rib dinner for two followed by

a teeth cleaning and a gum massage by if

I do say so myself one of the city's top

dental assistants you're the dental

assistant wow that's a meal and dessert

if you know what I'm talking about come

on now that's a little bit over the line

I'm sorry Oh relax I'm her husband ok

now it's creepy the creepy or is it

creepy heyo Miller's house the bidding

going on United hoof-and-mouth

[Laughter]

beef and teeth and we're getting a few

nibbles oh really oh I guess I everyone

sign of names with invisible ink well

said not everything's going to be as

popular as our timeshare but tonight is

about the children it's not a contest

although if it were we would be the

winners no one who signed up for this

yet look at that score one for beefing

teeth what I signed the wrong sheet I I

thought this was the month of Tae Bo

classes hey hey no backsies okay I'm not

nine my name coming off you know we

could still use some worker bees on a

clean up to me buzz buzz get it filled

you know right a bid down under a fake

name so we don't look like losers mill

biller too close

attention the bidding will close in five

minutes and I'm so pleased to see that

almost everything is selling tonight and

the wonderful thing is is all for the

children also the children these people

want to save their after-school

activities so they have a place to dump

their kids off when they week yeah

they're all hypocrites I bet if someone

was willing to take their kids off their

heat that gives me thank you hello

everybody were the millers and we have a

very exciting announcement our evening

of beef and teeth has been canceled and

it's been replaced by a children's

cookies and crafts parties whoa hold the

phone up starts you just can't change

the option item willy-nilly the 10 top

dinners get to dump their kids in our

house for a whole day looks like we're

cleaning up okay Ted the important thing

is that the winners in all this are the

children and the losers are you

[Music]

so i can drop my kids off for the whole

day the whole day thank you hi guys Ted

and I want to congratulate you on having

the most popular item and the entire

option right Ted congratulations

cheaters we also want to apologize for

getting carried away in the heat of

competition the important thing is that

the kids benefit it's not about us

feeding you it's not about our saying in

your face how very sweet of you guys to

come over here like this so apology

accepted thank you and if there's

anything we can do to help you out he's

no big deal don't take kids wow you sure

have a lot of this here yeah yeah they

want I get it maybe it said my help out

you could double the number of kids and

raise even more money of course it would

still be your party and your donation

that's a great idea Cassie yeah we could

use a couple of worker bees on the

cleanup crew buzz buzz

enjoy your time in the catbird seat

filler thanks not drying this yet the

worm will turn haha I don't know what

any of that means hot guy just walked

into the gym oh god he's truly cuz he's

pictured not yes hey what'd I miss okay

I'm still trying to figure out what hot

guy story is well I think it's obvious

he's a sensitive kick boxer / doctor who

writes poetry muscat Kenny else would be

a rock star hun reality hello oh hi

Cassie wait a minute look at that no

sorry Kathy I was watching the end takes

a road show hey Kathy yeah so bill and I

are getting things ready for saturday

what time do you think you and Ted will

be what hey I got all the craft stuff

you wanted me to get to the party

although I refuse to waste money on

plane popsicle sticks when they come

free inside every frozen treat so I

bought 10 boxes of frozen Juicy's rosyth

oh jeez well that's too bad i'm so sorry

i hope she's feeling better okay bye

Kathy Halverson she and Ted can't help

us with the party Ted's and sick they

have to go out of town so now we have to

take care of 20 kids all by ourselves oh

don't worry it's all right we can handle

it we're good parents let's beginner

have a box of frozen Son Jesus be

responsible only if you finish all your

phones and juices

[Music]

your mom's dead now be quiet peanut Cena

I told you i do want to point up soon

it's a key I just want to show him

yeezus Rolla sorry what is it these

aren't sticky oh you know what that's

because he's on beads these are candies

for the cookies where the beads do not

to say that that's a very very bad word

I only said it because I b*rned myself

don't keep their fulla pinis to either

fine I being like a dozen he be making a

necklace later doing outside yes no no I

told everyone to stay inside now I have

to take a head count one two three King

7-12 c 0 1 2 3 lemon and it down really

don't care what stop it

oh there you are how long does it take

to buy eggs and flour it depends on what

you coming home to in this case out an

hour so I'm driving home guess what I

see around the corner of the house our

sins cars and a catering truck they're

not out of town visiting a sick aunt

they're having a party and let's stick

it to the Millers before what do my job

yep it was all a scam they talked us

into doubling the number of kids knowing

all along they were going to back out I

hate those stinking a faces faces look

like A's Cathy would pretend to be my

friend when all the while she just set

me up to fail they're probably over

there laughing at us right now with all

that fancy golf-playing timeshare and

friends well as I see it we got two

options we can a be the bigger people

and rise above that bee bee bee bee bee

good those aids deserve be okay just do

everything that mr mrs millard this is a

craft party what could help decorate the

outside of this house for this man just

looking after the copy n roses passing

was a huge sh*t

but rather than warn her dad's issue we

should celebrate her life she meant so

many memories all of which will cherish

sorry I need tissue I can't imagine a

Christmas without aunt Rose's pecan pie

hole we all up there especially the

children she may not be here now but I

can safely say when it came to this

family she made a great impact yourself

what in the name of Saint hometown is

going on here uh hi Ted Kathy how's your

aunt not sick anymore I guess no she's

not I knew it she's dead Yeah right your

aunt ice you decided to throw a big

party it's called a memorial service oh

yeah well if it's a memorial service how

come everyone's wearing suits and crying

and gathered round that picture the old

lady god I am so sorry we are not

decorating anymore okay so here's a wild

question why are you doing this to us we

thought you lie to us so you didn't have

to help us with our party so you decided

to vandalize our house you have to

really look at it from our point of view

no I do we are so sorry if there's

anything that we can do I want you out

of here by the time I count to ten one

two three 13 now head we feel terrible

we thought you backed out of the kids

party so you can invite your friends

over to laugh at us why would we do that

I don't know it just whenever we get

around you guys you feel like we're back

in high school you know and you're the

over achievers and more the idiot

slackers

do you have a diploma or not high school

was over some time ago so sorry and

we're gonna do the adult thing and clean

this all up we insist I really think the

Halverson's are gonna appreciate this

peace offering yeah there's nothing

better than your brownies oh maybe

they're not home no what we've been out

on the back Oh God you know I can't see

here you go sir oh my god put a quick

poop

[Laughter]

[Applause]

[Music]

I wouldn't have it any

away cuz you max me

[Applause]