03x18 - Still Admiring

[bunniefuu]

okay Tina you're all ready for your

baton lessons I can't use a toilet

plunger is it baton Jerry can happy

twirling hey Lauren hey Sarah hey Brian

so Sarah how do you like tutoring Lauren

it's okay you can speak freely in front

of her just use big words like

hopelessly desperate weenie boy but you

two kids you know before I went off to

college I used to fight with my brother

all the time

now I miss him that's not gonna happen

yeah Laurens right she's never getting

into college not everyone can be as

smart as you

oh did you know that the bullfrog is the

only amphibian that never sleeps

I better get upstairs

here Tina I have one you can use be my

pleasure to pass the baton it's a joke

of the trade

that's your baton yep this is a

perfectly calibrated titanium instrument

only the most elite in our twirling

squad get to spend this kind of Steel I

call mine Wonder Boy because when you

twirl it we wonder if you're a boy

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

what's wrong well I just have some Airy

sh*t of the dance and she turned me down

very sh*t isn't she the girl with the an

head she has a below average sized head

yes she said she was gonna be busy that

night she has to wash your hair well

that shouldn't take long

Brian's having a hard time finding a

date for the spring formal

Oh sweetie maybe this'll cheer you up

Evan Turner asked me to the spring

formal today how's that supposed to

cheer me up oh well cheers me up so you

got a date to the spring formal good for

you yeah it's just you know Evans a

senior and my dad has this weird rule

about you know me dating guys yeah

that's why we have to remind bill that

he already agreed to let her go oh did

he

oh hell no but if we time it right

between the beer the pot roast and my

tight sweater it creates the perfect

storm of distraction yeah mom's really

good at this this is how she told Dad

that she crashed the minivan I'm proud

of that one I actually convinced him

that he did it this is crazy family

members shouldn't have to trick each

other into doing stuff he should just be

able to tell bill that Lauren's going to

the formal with the senior and that's

that no no we have beer and pot roast

yes yes oh yes no you're not going out

with a senior thanks a lot Aunt Linda

I'm sorry but I don't allow you kids to

date older people it's my one big rule

bill but I met him and he's a nice kid

and they're just going to a dinner

yeah I'm he's gonna drive her to the

dance and then drive her straight home

so he has a car then definitely No

[Music]

that's enough Teuton practice for today

but Lincoln who said to practice an hour

every day

what she meant was practice until it

feels like an hour so you're done okay

Lauren your father was saving that pot

roast he'll yep maybe no no but feels

like you've been denied something my god

that is so mean and petty you're gonna

make a wonderful wife someday honey I'm

home hungry for heal I've had pot roast

on my brain since ah sorry did you want

that because I always eat delicious

leftover pot roast

it's my one big rule why didn't we just

stop after the first kid

oh yeah that's right I wanted a boy

anyway guess what guys things are

finally looking up for me you got a date

for the dance no but I do have a secret

admirer a secret admirer yeah she's been

emailing me since last night she's so

smart

listen what you sent me let not my love

be called idolatry nor my beloved as an

idol show since all alike my songs and

praises be to one of one still such and

ever so I think your computer might be

broke sounds like every other words

missing dad it's a Shakespearean sonnet

Bryan this girl sounds great you should

find out who she had absolutely a girl

like this is probably a moose what I

mean there's a reason she's keeping her

identity under wraps she's either

writing to you from jail or she's a he

or a he she she she

they're out there trust me

trust me hey Sarah

hi Brian I brought you that northwestern

catalog wanted ah Northwestern they

recruited me wait

northwestern recruited you wait that's

not the word escorted me off campus

great party

so what do you know about the physics

department well I know you probably be

the cutest guy in it by far yeah the

best of my process converts iron ore

into steel you uh you better get

upstairs yeah Lauren and I are working

on Shakespearean sonnets she

Shakespearean sonnets did she know a few

yeah actually I I know a few uh you know

my favorite one is but not my love be

called idolatry nor my beloved as an

idol show that's my favorite too oh my

god you like me me up me favorite so

nummy Lassie

you cr*ck me up Brian

yeah dad guess what Sarah is my secret

admirer

really yeah she just said that her

favorite sonnet was the one from the

email I can't be a coincidence

Wow she's not a moose at all but we

can't rule out that she's a he/she it's

always a possibility

always

I bet she just wants to keep it a secret

because she's Lauren's tutor God you've

stumbled into a classic 80s movie

fantasy an older experienced seductress

is looking to tutor you in the ways of

love oh you gotta ask her out I've sat

through cheerleading twirling and

something called bell choir you owe me

this I can't ask out a college girl

where am I supposed to take her how

about that dance you show up with a

college girl you'll be a legend in your

high school the guys in twirling squad

would lose it I don't think the guys in

twirling squad are African what am I

thinking she she's 19 she sleeps in a

dorm with other hot women I sleep in

jammies for the humidifier calm down all

you need is some confidence I can help

you with that

really yeah asking a girl out is just

salesmanship and I'm a Salesman there's

no difference between you and a toilet

as honored as I am by that comparison I

think I'll handle this on my own

dictionary down here Brian

problem I mean now but roblem

help me oh my god dad dad I need your

help I just got an instant message from

Booker book girl Bryan secret admirer I

had a secret admirer once he gets out of

prison in five years

what's up doing anything fun this

weekend okay tell us something cool you

like to do oh I I build remote-control

robot now no good for you your old man

knows how to spin a web of seduction

I'll tell you what I'm doing this

weekend I'll be going to the gym working

on my pecs wonderful Brian thinks book

girl is who cares I mean as long as

Brian thinks that she's an older woman

and my dad lets him go out it's a long

way to go to prove your dad has a double

standard look if it gets me to the dance

with Evan that's all that matters

incoming I was gonna go dancing but my

friends bailed on me too bad I was so in

the mood to dance realer in bills ask

her if she wants to go to the dance no

dad you're moving too fast you're gonna

scare off

what do we stand what are we sin for my

boo boo do something I got it I got it

that's Russian which I learned at spy

school that did not send that hi mom

whose book girl Brian's secret admirer

it turns out is Laurence Tudor and

Bill's helping them really really I mean

Sarah she's nineteen nineteen that was

the year I lost my virginity to my mom's

desperate friend I should have probably

remained a thought so you hit the

ceiling when a senior asked Lauren to

the dance but it's okay for Brian to

date a college freshman don't you think

there's a little double standard there

not at all I have one standard for Brian

and another different standard for Lord

hey they each get their own I was gonna

say that's the stupidest thing I've ever

heard but I want to wait to hear what

you have to say now all I'm saying is

girls are easily tricked it's not their

fault they're born that way you want

Brian to date this girl that's fine

but I'm gonna tell Lauren that she can

go to the dance with Evan look Judy we

can't always treat Brian and Lauren as

equals Brian's just gonna take this girl

to the dance and try to get lucky but

this Evan guy is gonna take Lauren to

the dance and try to get lucky

so sexist sexist or sexy sexy Lauren

let's go to the mall or getting you a

dress for the dance test each is mine

well if your father is willing to let

your brother date your tutor then you

can go to the dance with someone older

too why would Brian be going out with my

tutor turns out she's been emailing him

all week he thinks he's Sarah oh wait a

minute book girl your book girl bye good

no witnesses

I believe you would do something like

this look I just wanted to prove that

dad was being unfair about this I could

go to the dance so you screwed with your

brother's head to make your stupid point

we didn't raise you like that oh and

then please explain to me how dad

wrecked the minivan without even being

in it at the time that was brilliant

your brother really thinks that girl

likes him I never claimed to be Sarah I

mean he came to that all on his own

well you can forget about even going to

that dance and you're gonna go

downstairs to tell Brian everything yeah

sooner or later you're gonna have to

face the music it's been 20 minutes

looks like she isn't riding back anymore

no I really should get back to the store

I told a customer I'd check for

something in the stockroom this will do

well we haven't heard a word from her

since you told her I was a spy really

move not to mention a violation of

federal law who needs a spy when you can

date general dork

Supreme Commander the remote control

robots there you are we were wondering

where you'd got to Oh Sarah Sarah hi Wow

you're here remember confidence you're a

toilet sell yourself so is Lauren here

yeah she'll be down in a minute

so uh there's there's been something

I've been meaning to ask you what is it

well uh I was wondering if you'd be

interested in going with me this

Saturday night - uh - what - to see my

rock collection

Saturday where is this rock collection

um it's it's it's upstairs well I have a

few minutes now if you want oh but

that's that's uh that's cool too they're

from my bedroom while we're up there we

can check out my remote control room bro

yes but I am I think I learn it's one of

my friends and twirling straws is your

father sick yeah he has allergies just

like me where's Brian you're never gonna

believe what Lauren did to him

I wouldn't worry about him thanks to me

Brian's having some alone time with

Lauren's tutor what yep

Sarah's upstairs right now oh and if she

asks Brian has a remote control robe

he'll his secret admirer isn't Sarah

it's Lauren she's the one who's been

emailing it look it was just a joke so

Brian's not gonna have a tutor to school

him in the ways of love I can barely

afford what we're paying her to teach

Lawrence this note comes from South

Dakota

this is so embarrassing so horribly

embarrassing yeah Laurens waiting for

you downstairs

thank you mrs. Miller haven't you two

ever heard of knocking confidence to

make my move and you ruined everything

it's great that you have confidence but

you might want to start this

relationship fresh from here on out as

if those Iams weren't even from Sarah

what are you talking about they weren't

from Sarah what they were from Lauren

what she wanted to prove that your dad

had a double standard but you know Sarah

really does like you so if there's a big

winner in all this I would

say it was you I can't talk to Sara now

that I know she's never even liked me my

confidence was based on a lie but she

kissed you that means something it was

probably just a pity kiss a pity kiss is

still a kiss and you know what a pity

kiss can lead to pity marriage oh just

forget it it's over I told you I could

never get a girl like that all right I

want you to take a knee and listen up

you have a tutor in your grasp and

you're just gonna let her go sure you're

not the coolest kid on the block sure

she's an older experienced woman but if

nerds from eighties movies have told us

anything is that you do what you have to

to get the girl you invent love potions

your date a manic you become a Teen Wolf

what's her he's on a roll now I don't

know what she said to that girl but she

kissed you for who you are so you get

down there and you claim Sara for every

man who's ever dreamed the dream of

having his own private tutor

[Music]

hey I'm practicing practice is over

it's game time uh Sarah I need to talk

to you for a second okay I probably

should get going anyway do you mind if

we do this tomorrow

you're dead for what you did to me

Oh and that's scary cuz you go to spy

school

Sariah parents mad do you want to go to

the spring formal with me oh um I don't

know Brian high school dance

I mean I'm alone maybe that spring

formal would be fun

oh my god that's awesome I mean uh so

good

great so well see a Saturday I'll pick

you up at 8:00 sharp eight is the time

sharp here's my look wait well uh take

it easy kid no no take it light she said

yes she said yes the guys in twirling

squad will freak out with a girl she has

breasts in a car and hey baby

I just forgot my um

listen Brian about the dance I

understand so how did it die your twirl

didn't