02x03 - Bull Elephants

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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES)

("NINNA NANNA" BY PINK MARTINI PLAYING)

(IN ITALIAN)

Grazie.

- SALVO: Ciao.
- (SIGHS)

(IN ITALIAN)

(IN ITALIAN)

BOTH: (IN ITALIAN)

- Grazie.
- Prego.

- Grazie, Walter. Buona giornata.
- Ciao.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(IN ITALIAN)

- Prego.
- Permesso.

Scusi.

(INHALES, EXHALES)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

(EXHALES)

(TWEEZER CLATTERS)

(EXHALES)

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

(SONG CONCLUDES)

- Hey.
- Hey. How was it?

Yeah, good. I got like...
(EXHALES) ... , steps.

Yeah? Nice.

I'm surprised you're awake.

(CLICKS TONGUE, INHALES) Well,
I know you always get horny

after your run so I... Uh...

(EXHALES, CLEARS THROAT)

(ETHAN SPILLER EXHALES)

I'm gonna be so good
today. And friendly...

Why?

Because you've been
accusing me of being a bitch.

- I never once said bitch.
- HARPER SPILLER: Okay.

Well, whatever, I'm not gonna be that.

He's your bestie from college,

and you want his approval
for some reason...

- I do not want his approval.
- ... which is totally normal

and fine and human,

but I'm gonna be so fun.

I'm gonna be the life
of the party from now on.

Well, don't overdo it.
They'll know it's fake.

I love them. What?
They're our good friends.

- Oh, my God.
- (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING)

What? You don't think I can be lovely?

- Just watch.
- (WATER RUNNING)

(GREG HUNT GROANS)

(SIGHS)

Okay, that's for you
guys. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm sorry to be so pushy.

I just really need you guys to leave.

- Oh. Yeah.
- MIA: Uh. See you.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- See you later.
- Yeah.

(SIGHS)

BOTH: (IN ITALIAN)

Mm-hmm.

Good morning.

Morning. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

- (MIA CHUCKLES)
- (LUCIA CHUCKLES)

Mm-mm.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER
- HARPER: Oh! There they are.

CAMERON SULLIVAN: Probably. Yeah.

- (DAPHNE SULLIVAN LAUGHING)
- Morning.

DAPHNE: Hi.

- Good morning.
- How'd you sleep?

- Good. Yeah.
- Great.

Did you guys see the sky this morning?

It was so gorgeous.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. It was.

(SLURPS, CLICKS TONGUE)
I love that top. So cute.

Oh, thanks. You know,
I've never seen you

in a headband. It's so pretty.

Oh. Thanks. It's... it's
my new Italian style.

I really like it.

(CHUCKLES) Let's get some
food. I woke up starving.

- DAPHNE: Hmm.
- God. Do you guys want anything?

- No, I'm... I'm good.
- DAPHNE: Yeah.

- I'm good. Thank you. Yeah.
- HARPER: Okay. (EXHALES)

Babe, want to come to the buffet?

Sure. Yeah.

(CHUCKLES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Do you mind if I...

No. Please.

That was fun last night.

Yeah.

Um, I did want to come
in and keep hanging out.

Just so you know.

Then you should've come in.

I just don't want to
ever make anyone feel,

you know, uncomfortable.

I don't think that
you're the type of guy

that could ever make
someone feel uncomfortable

in that way, you know?

You could probably go a little bit

in the other direction, actually.

Like... more aggressive?

I can't keep stuffing my
face at these breakfasts.

But they're free, you know?

It's such a conundrum.

(CHOMPS, SIGHS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Morning. How you doing?

Who were the girls?

What girls?

The two girls I saw
coming out of your room.

Maybe the maids?

They didn't look like
maids. They looked like...

(MOUTHING) ... prostitutes.

Oh, well, I don't know
what you're talking about.

(MUNCHES)

Listen, whatever you do,

please don't say anything
about any of this to Albie.

Okay? Dad, please?

(MUNCHES) Look at those cannolis.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

I've gotta find another job.

I'm just at a weird place, you know?

I've been... (SIGHS)

I've been feeling so depressed at home,

and I just thought I'd come here

and feel something... (SIGHS)

Is everything boring?

Boring?

No.

I just feel like there
must have been a time

when the world had more.

You know? Like... mystery
or... or something,

and now you come somewhere
like this and it's beautiful

and you take a picture,
and then you realize

that everybody's taken
that exact same picture

from that exact same spot.

You just made some redundant
content, for stupid Instagram.

- Yeah.
- And you can't even

get lost anymore 'cause
you can just find yourself

on Google Maps.

Throw away your phone.

Yeah...

Throw it in the ocean.

God, it is so nice out today.
What do you guys wanna do?

Well, I've been bugging
Cam to go to Noto.

It's this beautiful baroque
town like two hours from here.

There's these amazing
palazzos and artisanal shops.

Mm! That sounds cool.

See!

Harper thinks it sounds cool.

Honey, come on.

I already said I booked
jet skis for me and E.

Yeah, do it tomorrow.

Babe, I wanna jet ski.

And I don't know if we're
gonna get this weather again.

We can go to Noto any other day.

Cam, it's the one thing I said
I really wanted to do here.

I wanna get Christmas presents!

CAM: Jesus Christ! It's July, Daph.

Christmas shopping.

(SNIFFLES, CLEARS THROAT)

You know what, that's actually fine.

You guys should do your jet skiing.

I'm just gonna go to Noto by myself.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come on.

Babe, it's fine. Honestly.

- (CAMERON EXHALES)
- Unless you want to come?

Mm? (SLURPS)

Oh.

I mean, you don't have to.

ETHAN: You guys will have fun.

Yeah, right? Harper, you should go.

Oh, yeah. Sure.

- DAPHNE: Okay.
- Yeah, I'd love to go.

I mean, everybody says,
"You gotta go to Noto."

CAMERON: Oh, God,
yeah. Gotta go to Noto.

Great.

Take pictures.

I made a plan for us today.
(SNIFFLES) I planned a tour.

You planned a tour?

Well, I couldn't sleep last night.

For some reason, there
was a lot of noise

- coming through the walls.
- (EXHALES)

(INHALES) Anyway, they
have a bunch of movies

you can rent on the TV.

One of them was The Godfather.
You've seen it, right?

- Some of it, I think. Yeah.
- BERT DI GRASSO: "Some of it?"

Francis Ford Coppola made three of them.

First two are classics,

and they were sh*t right around here.

So, I got us a car and
driver and we're gonna do

a tour of all the
locations. You should come.

Come on now, educate yourself.

That's okay. I don't...

Yeah, you gotta come.

It's okay, I... I don't...

No. You're coming. She's coming.

I'm being more aggressive.

Oh.

But I feel like that if
you really loved me...

(SOBS) ... you wouldn't leave.

- I have to.
- (TANYA MCQUOID-HUNT SNIFFLES)

Is it the prenup? Is
that why you wanna...

Is it 'cause I had the prenu...
I could get rid of the prenup.

We can talk about that when
I get back. In two days.

See? You always look annoyed with me.

You look like that.

Tanya... you've done a lot for me, okay?

You found those doctors.

I... I'm gonna live because of you.

TANYA: But ever since you
found out that you're gonna

have a lot more years, I
feel like you just realized

that you were gonna be
stuck living them with me.

(SIGHS) Couples don't always get along.

You knew I wasn't great at this.
I've been married four times.

Four?

(SOBS)

- Tanya?
- (TANYA SOBBING)

I thought it was only three. (SOBS)

Tanya. Four, including you.

(SNIFFLES, SOBS) I just love you.

("CU TI LU DISSI" BY
ROSA BALISTRERI PLAYING)

Tanya. Tanya, please.
You're gonna wet your dress.

(SOBS, SNIFFLES)

(IN ITALIAN)

(IN ITALIAN)

- Grazie.
- (IN ITALIAN)

(IN ITALIAN)

- MIA: Grazie.
- Grazie.

Grazie, mila grazie. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

LUCIA: Chi prendi in giro?

I'm gonna miss you. (SMOOCHES)

- God. Be mature.
- All right.

You guys will have fun.
All right. (SMOOCHES)

I'm Daphne. Grazie for driving.

CAMERON: Here you go, sweetheart.

Thanks, babe.

(SIGHS)

Thank you so much for coming with me.

Yeah, of course. I'm excited.

Me too.

Bye, guys. Have fun!

- Bye, babe.
- Bye. (SMOOCHES)

CAMERON: Have the most fun ever.

Ciao.

So exciting.

- Yay!
- (CHUCKLES)

Dude, how awesome is this?

(ETHAN CHUCKLES)

- Ciao, ladies.
- LUCIA: Hey.

(SONG CONCLUDES)

(CHUCKLES)

(INSTRUMENTAL ITALIAN SONG PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

This is where Michael
Corleone was hiding out.

Another mafia family
was trying to k*ll him.

And his wife blew up over there.

The car was rigged with
a b*mb meant for Michael.

But his wife is gonna
drive for some reason.

WOMAN ON TV: (SPEAKS ITALIAN)
Michele? Michele, andiamo!

Pacino realizes, he screams...

No!

- "Apollonia!"
- (CHUCKLES)

It's too late. Car
explodes, she blows up.

It's a great scene.

- She blows up?
- Uh-huh.

- Like, blows up?
- Mm-hmm.

- It's a little tasteless maybe.
- (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Well, look, they're
trying to make a buck.

They own a house where they sh*t

the best American movie ever made.

(CHUCKLES) No, it's not.

No? Why not? I think so.

Well, yeah, I mean, you would.

All right, what's that supposed to mean?

It's because you're
nostalgic for the solid days

of the patriarchy.

They're undeniably great movies.

Men love The Godfather
because they feel emasculated

by modern society.

It's a fantasy about a
time when they could go out

and solve all their
problems with v*olence...

(SINGING IN ITALIAN)
♪ Un focu d'amuri... ♪

... and sleep with every woman...

♪ ... Hey, hey, hey, hey! ♪

... and then come home to their wife

who doesn't ask them any questions

- and makes them pasta.
- BERT: Hey, hey, hey.

It's a normal male fantasy.

No, movies like that socialize
men into having that fantasy.

(SIGHS) Movies like that
exist because men already

do have that fantasy. We're hard-wired.

Mm. Comes with the testosterone.

No. Gender is a construct. It's created.

You spent all that money on Stanford,

he comes back brainwashed.

(MUNCHES)

(VOCALIZING)

(SONG CONCLUDES)

(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)

Two days.

All right. (GRUNTS, EXHALES)

Airport, go. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

(GRUNTS, EXHALES)

(MUSIC FADES)

No, no. (SPEAKS ITALIAN)

- (SIGHS)
- VALENTINA: (SPEAKS ITALIAN)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(SIGHS)

Buongiorno. How can I help you?

I... Uh...

are there any psychics in this town?

Uh...

Psychics? Sorry, I
don't... I don't understand.

Like, you know,
old-school, you know, Gypsy,

like, psychic fortune
teller type of person?

Oh. Oh, you mean...

Oh. (CLICKS TONGUE) We have a tarocchi.

Oh, yes. Um, a tarot card
reader here in Taormina. Yes.

Do you think they
could make a house call?

Because, like, I... You
know, it really is...

It's kind of an emergency.

Mm. Is everything all right?

I'm gonna be in my room. (SIGHS)

Rocco.

(IN ITALIAN)

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)

Uh. Uh, this is my boss,
so, I have to... get it.

- Go on.
- I'll be back.

(ITALIAN SONG PLAYING)

Hi?

TANYA: Hi. Where are you?

Um... (CLICKS TONGUE) ... I'm at lunch.

Well, you need to come back to
the room 'cause Greg is gone.

Gone? What do you mean, he's gone?

I need you.

Okay. Um... Well, I'm... I'm
not at the hotel currently,

- so...
- TANYA: I told you to stay close by.

- Come back here!
- (SIGHS)

Uh, my boss needs me to go back,

so, I have to go back
to the hotel. Sorry.

- Okay.
- Oh.

No. We'll take you back.

No, it's, uh, fine. I'll just get a taxi

- or figure it out...
- Well, the driver can take her,

- and come back and get us.
- Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Take the car. And, um,

let's... let's meet up later.

Okay. That's very
kind of you. Thank you.

And thanks again for
an entertaining day.

- (SCOFFS)
- PORTIA: Uh... (EXHALES)

Yeah. Okay, have fun.
Um... I can Venmo you

- for just the...
- DOMINIC DI GRASSO: No!

- BERT: Come on.
- Sorry, again. Bye.

Bye.

(CHOMPS) Great. Thanks, Dad.

What? Her boss needed her.

You think she just wanted
to get away from us?

Maybe.

You do have a knack for
repelling women. (MUNCHES)

Do we embarrass you, Albie?

No, it's just...

I don't think...

you realize how you sound sometimes.

They used to respect the old.

Now, we're just reminders
of an offensive past

everybody wants to forget.

- (MUNCHES)
- (SONG FADES)

(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(DAPHNE CHUCKLING)

Hi! Thank you so much.

PEPPE: Yeah, you have
an amazing terrace,

where you can have a glass of wine

from our familiar vineyards.

And here is our dining room,

where you'll have your breakfast,

and obviously please feel at home.

- DAPHNE: Oh.
- And, uh, feel comfortable.

And anything you need,
we are here for you.

- Thank you so much, Peppe.
- Okay.

- Ciao, Daphne.
- Ciao.

- (MUSIC CONCLUDES)
- Oh, my God.

Are you gonna tell me what's going on?

So, I was reading about Noto

- in Architectural Digest, right?
- HARPER: Mm-hmm.

And there were pictures of this palazzo.

So, I was like, "Maybe
we can get a tour."

So, I called them, and they told me...

"You can rent the whole place

out for the night." So, I did. (INHALES)

We're staying the night?

Don't you think we should?

I mean, I was gonna wait
and see if it was worth it,

but now that we're here

it's like we kinda have to, right?

- I don't have any stuff.
- Oh, don't worry about it.

I packed extra everything.
Toothpaste... Whatever you need.

Oh, God, this is just beyond.

I can't believe it. Come out here!

(QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING)

(HARPER SIGHS)

I think that's a pool.

And guess who brought
an extra bathing suit?

Don't you feel a little weird being here

without the guys?

No. They didn't want to
come. And don't you think

it's better to just do what you want,

even if it's by yourself?

I mean, Cameron does what
he wants all the time.

Why let them have all the fun?

Hmm.

Let's check out the bedrooms!

(EXHALES)

(MUSIC FADES)

- ETHAN: Cheers!
- Cheers, buddy.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

I gotta say it, man.
I'm so proud of you.

- (POP MUSIC PLAYING)
- I mean, you...

you f*cking knocked it
out of the park, man.

- You did it.
- Thank you. (CHUCKLES)

I'm not surprised.

I always knew you were
gonna do something great.

Took a little while, but...

Come on. You're . Give me a break.

Well, you've been raking
it in for years now.

(CAMERON CHUCKLES)

Just wish you'd given
me a heads-up, you know?

- What?
- I have to hear from Gary Pizzinat

that you sold your company for a
shitload? And by then, you know,

it was too late for me
to do anything with it.

Oh, you mean, like... Dude,
I couldn't say anything.

You could have hinted.

It's also illegal.

A little birdie in the ear.
That's it. Information, dude.

I mean, come on, guys like me,
that's... that's all we got.

- I'm sorry. I wasn't...
- It's okay.

- You know, I just...
- CAMERON: Don't worry about it.

Next time.

But you need to invest
some of that with us. Okay?

(CHUCKLES) I don't know if you've heard,

but I make people money, bro.

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

I know you do.

Well, then let me do what I do for you.

I... I would... I would love that, E.

I would love to help you and Harper.

Please, let me.

Look, just come in to
the office. All right?

When we get back, you meet the guys,

and then you just hang
out. That's it. No pressure.

All right. Sounds good.

- Sounds good?
- Yeah.

(EXHALES) I am so stoked for you, E.

- I'm so happy.
- (CHUCKLES)

Thanks, Cam. Thank you. I appreciate it.

- Cheers, baby. (SLURPS) Mm.
- (MUSIC FADES)

Hey, buddy, two more.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

Wow.

Oh, she's the real deal.

Hmm.

(WHISPERS) A real,
authentic, old-world gypsy.

That's what I asked for.

I don't think you're
supposed to use that word.

What? All right. (INHALES)
She's, uh... (EXHALES)

She's a real old-school...
(MOUTHS) Gypsy.

Ma'am?

Yes, would you like
some water or some soda?

I could make you and I a highball.

All right.

(DAPHNE EXHALES)

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)

Guys in Italy wear their pants so tight.

Yeah, 'cause they want to show off

- their dicks.
- (CHUCKLES)

(MEN TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

- (CHUCKLES)
- (HARPER CHUCKLES)

(INHALES) Why didn't you just tell me

we were really gonna spend the night?

I really want Cam to think
that we just had so much fun

that we just wanted to stay.

He has really intense FOMO
and also abandonment issues.

So, it's just gonna be
really funny to tell him

we're living it up at some sick palazzo.

So, you're like playing games with him?

We both do it. (CHUCKLES)
It's like hide and seek.

Keeps things interesting.

(INHALES) Yeah, well Ethan and I,

we... we don't really do that.

So, I'm... I'm probably
gonna have to call him

and tell him we're gonna stay here.

Can I call Cam first, please?

- Okay. Sure.
- Okay.

(CELL PHONE BUZZING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(MUNCHES, EXHALES)
Hey, babe! How's Noto?

DAPHNE: (OVER THE PHONE) Amazing.

I think that we're probably
gonna spend the night.

- What?
- DAPHNE: Yeah.

This incredible palazzo
I found, so, I booked it.

- Wha...
- But we'll be back tomorrow.

CAMERON: W... (CHUCKLES)
You're coming back tomorrow?

- Yeah, but have fun, okay?
- CAMERON: What?

Listen, I think I have
to go 'cause Harper's

waiting for me in the pool.

No, uh, honey, w... what
pool? What are you talk...

DAPHNE: The pool in our palazzo.

Oh, you would die.
(INHALES) I'll send you pics.

- Love you, honey. Bye!
- Uh...

Oh. (EXHALES)

They're staying the night in
Noto. She booked a palazzo.

- She did?
- Yeah.

- That's kind of weird.
- (SIGHS)

She always pulls this
sh*t, man. (CHUCKLES)

f*cking punishing me. (SLURPS)

(SMACKS LIPS) But you
know what that means?

You and me, we're gonna f*cking party!

Let's go jet skiing.

All right. Okay. I'm coming.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC FADES)

Okay. Well... now what?

You ask a question and
then the cards will answer.

Oh. Okay. Um... I wanna know,

uh, my husband, you know, Greg...

Something is just...

(SIGHS) Uh, do... C...
could you just leave the room

for a second?

You know, hang out in the bathroom

for a little while.

No problem. Yeah.

Um...

(SIGHS)

(INHALES) Oh. Yeah. I
want, um... Is... (EXHALES)

I want to know if we're gonna make it.

I mean, I just want to know
if our marriage is gonna last.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC FADES)

The cards say your husband
is in love with someone else.

This card means deceit.
He is being deceitful.

And this card is beauty.

There's someone beautiful in his life.

Uh, couldn't that be me?

Not you.

(INHALES SHARPLY) Not me?

For sure, not you.

(TANYA BREATHES HEAVILY)

(GROANS)

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

TANYA: Uh, yeah.

This is very negative.

(CONTINUES SPEAKING ITALIAN)

I can't believe I paid for this.
'Cause this is just really...

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

You are so negative!

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

It's not supposed to be like this.

You're supposed to... This
is supposed to build me up.

Take your crappy things
and your horrible cards...

(AGATA SPEAKING ITALIAN)

... and your shitty little ashtray.

TANYA: No, I didn't want
this. This is creepy.

- (AGATA SPEAKING ITALIAN)
- No, it's...

No. You gotta go. Get out!

(AGATA SPEAKING ITALIAN)

TANYA: Yeah, well, whatever...

You're a con artist is what you are.

(AGATA SPEAKING ITALIAN)

That wasn't good.

Negative.

(DOMINIC INHALES, SIGHS)

Okay, guys, we'll meet
up around : downstairs?

Yeah, that sounds good.

But somebody give me a wakeup call.

- I'm gonna take a nap.
- Okay. I'll come grab you, Nono.

Hey, Albie.

Yeah?

Hey, um...

I feel like you have this wrong,
distorted impression of me.

I have always supported women.
I have always promoted women.

I'm a feminist.

I mean, I didn't marry
some subservient wife.

Your mother is a
brilliant, amazing woman.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

- Did you talk to her?
- We didn't talk about you, Dad.

(INHALES) No, I don't want to
get you in the middle. Um...

You don't have to say anything to her.

But if you did say something...

(INHALES) ... I'm hoping you'd tell her

that I'm really, really,
really missing her

and Cara, and... and that I feel...

I feel really awful.

She listens to you.

Nothing is gonna fix this.

No?

You have to change, Dad.

You have to stop doing

what you're doing and actually change.

I know that. And I have
changed. And I am changing.

I can change.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yes.

I can be the man she
wants me to be, again.

(EXHALES) I'll see you at dinner.

See you. (GROANS)

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

Did she leave?

Tanya? What happened? I thought I was...

I thought I was gonna get a reading.

No. You don't want her.

She was very negative.

Oh.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I think I'm gonna take a nap.

Okay.

Bye.

No, you can't go. You
can't go. You just...

Please just sit on the couch. I just...

I did get the new Vanity Fair.

(EXHALES)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

You can read it.

Hey, hey. Psp. Psp. (CHUCKLES)

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- Vey! Marry me!
- Oh! No, grazie!

Um... oh, there's a machine.
I'm gonna get cash out,

I'll be right back.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Come on, there's a couple
more stores I wanna hit.

(CHUCKLES) Lots of horny dudes in Noto.

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)

- (CHURCH BELL CHIMES)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

DAPHNE: What are these?

The man, this table,
bought these for you.

DAPHNE: (CLICKS TONGUE) Oh!

That's sweet.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm gonna have an edible.
Do you want an edible?

Try having two kids under four.
They help me relax. Have one.

(CHUCKLES) Okay, I just have be careful.

The last time I did
edibles, I took way too many

and I ended up on the
floor in the fetal position.

I kept saying,

- "I am a woman."
- What? (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Why?

I don't know. I think I was just...

(CLICKS TONGUE) ... tripping
out on being a woman.

Don't you like being a woman?

(MUNCHES) I'm fine with it, usually.

DAPHNE: Mm. I do.

I'd hate to be a man, honestly.

It'd just be so lonely. I
mean, they're so competitive.

It's like, can they even
be friends with each other?

(INHALES) Cameron and I went on a safari

and, um, on safari, you see

all these pods of elephants
and they're all, like,

bathing in the river and playing

with each other and it's so sweet.

But it's just the moms and the babies.

Because when the boy
elephants get too big,

they kick them out of the pod.

And then the bull elephant has to, like,

wander through the jungle by himself

for the rest of his life.

I feel sorry for men, you know.

It's like... they
think they're out there

doing something really important.

but really they're just wandering alone.

("IL NOSTRO CONCERTO"
BY UMBERTO BINDI PLAYING)

(YELLS)

Whoo!

(SONG CONCLUDES)

("YOU'RE NOBODY 'TIL SOMEBODY
LOVES YOU" PLAYING ON PIANO)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Grazie.

(INHALES)

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Buonasera! (CHUCKLES)
- (INHALES) Buonasera.

Um, listen, uh, I
just wanted to tell you

that I don't think I
can meet up tonight.

- Why?
- Um,

I'm afraid my son's gonna catch on,

but, really, I... I need to change.

(INHALES) I really have to change, so,

I don't think I'm going
to be able to meet up

at all this week. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry too because I thought

we were spending the week together.

I know. But I... I can't.

And I'm really sorry. (BREATHES SHARPLY)

My son's on his way
down, so, I gotta go.

But listen, I really,
really loved meeting you.

- You're a wonderful...
- Me, too.

... beautiful woman,
and it was really fun.

And this is for the ladies, please.

- Thank you.
- Thank you too. Thank you.

(SIGHS) My two favorite
people in the world!

- (BERT CHUCKLES)
- (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Thought we'd lost you.

I had to handle something
with the concierge.

- Uh-huh.
- You hungry?

I'm starving.

BOTH: (IN ITALIAN)

(SIGHS)

(IN ITALIAN)

Gentleman.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

BOTH: (IN ITALIAN)

Okay.

(IN ITALIAN)

Grazie.

(IN ITALIAN)

Vabbè... Grazie, Isabella.

(IN ITALIAN)

- (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
- Um...

(IN ITALIAN)

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Grazie.

Prego.

BOTH: (IN ITALIAN)

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

GIUSEPPE: ♪ You're nobody til... ♪

♪ Somebody loves you ♪

♪ So find yourself ♪
♪ Somebody to love... ♪

- LUCIA: Mia!
- (CHUCKLES)

BOTH: (IN ITALIAN)

(SIGHS)

(IN ITALIAN)

LUCIA: Buonasera.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Now, that you're a big
sh*t, people must be

slipping into your DMs left and right.

No.

What good would it do me if they were?

I mean, I'm married.

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

Dude, everyone cheats, E.

No, they don't.

Come on!

- They do?
- Yeah!

Of course, they f*cking do.

It's a crime of opportunity.
Jesus! If they can.

So, how's your sex life?

Um...

Sounds great.

I don't know. Uh...
(CHUCKLES) It's hard, I guess,

when you know everything
about each other

and you've seen each other
on the toilet and, you know...

There you go, man. See?
We've only got one life.

But Harper and I are...

- Codependent?
- ETHAN: No.

- I don't lie to my wife.
- (SCOFFS)

Really?

Oh, man. f*ck, I didn't know that.

- (MUSIC CONCLUDES)
- That is so sweet! (CHUCKLES)

♪ ... Oh, the world ♪
♪ Will be the same ♪

♪ You'll never change it... ♪

(MOUTHING) After this,
I am going swimming.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

♪ You're nobody 'til ♪

♪ Somebody loves you... ♪

You already met a guy here?

Kinda. Yeah, I did, he's really smart

and everything, he went to Stanford.

You know, one of those guys.

He's really nice.
Like... (BREATHES DEEPLY)

... maybe a little too nice, you know?

I wish he just, like,
got my heart rate up

a little bit more or something. (SIGHS)

Portia.

Don't spend your life chasing
emotionally unavailable men.

Or you'll spend your whole life

just banging your head against a wall.

Is there something wrong
with the front of me?

These guys are staring.

I think they're just smiling at you.

GIUSEPPE: ♪ That gold
won't bring you happiness ♪

But you've been brainwashed
into thinking that, man.

It's very bourgeois.

- Dude, monogamy was an idea...
- (SCOFFS)

... created by the elite

to control the middle class.

Meanwhile, all the priests
were f*cking the altar boys

and the aristocrats were
f*cking everything that moves.

Same now as it ever was.

And the most ambitious guys?

They're always the horniest.

- (LAUGHS)
- Like you and me, baby.

And of course, women
are attracted to that.

But then, if you don't make

their dreams come true,
they make you suffer.

That's why it's safer
to stick with whores.

- (SONG CONCLUDES)
- (CROWD APPLAUDING)

MAN: Excuse me.

(IN ITALIAN)

(INHALES, SIGHS)

(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)

(IN ITALIAN)

No.

GIUSEPPE: (IN ITALIAN)

BOTH: (IN ITALIAN)

GIUSEPPE: Hmm?

(EXHALES, SIGHS)

(IN ITALIAN)

(IN ITALIAN)

Mia, Mia!

(IN ITALIAN)

- What are you doing?
- It's okay.

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

(SIGHS)

Buonasera!

Those were the two girls...

- Ciao! Ragazze!
- LUCIA: Hi! Buonasera.

- CAMERON: Lovely to meet you.
- Ciao. How are you?

You know, the girls.

CAMERON: How are you
guys. How you guys doing?

LUCIA: Um, fine.

- CAMERON: Yeah?
- LUCIA: Yeah.

I'm Cameron, this is my buddy Ethan.

- Hi, hi, hello. (EXHALES)
- LUCIA: Hi, Cameron.

- I am Lucia.
- CAMERON: Lucia.

- Yes, and...
- Lucia.

- Yes, and she is Mia.
- Mia.

- Mia.
- Hi, Mia.

Are you guys from here?
Are you on vacation, what?

- LUCIA: Um, we're from Sicily.
- From Sicily?

- LUCIA: Mm-hmm.
- Just two gals hanging out in a hotel bar, huh?

- (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
- You guys having fun?

You guys, uh, you guys party?

Yes, yes!

You got any, uh... party favors?

(GASPS) I have pills.

You...

(EXHALES) I have Viagra.

We don't need Viagra.

No? Also, maybe Molly.

CAMERON: (LAUGHS) Oh, my God.

- (LAUGHS)
- CAMERON: Are you kidding me?

Are you an angel sent from heaven?

No, but these are expensive, guys.

You will have to pay for it.

I got money, baby.
That's one thing I do got.

- Let's fun! (LAUGHS)
- Let's fun!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

DAPHNE: This is the
only snack I could find.

(CRUNCHING) Want some?

You still high or what?

(MUNCHES, CHUCKLES) Hi.

So...

has Ethan changed at all?

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)

No. (EXHALES)

No, not at all. He's exactly the same.

DAPHNE: That's good!

'Cause I've seen a lot
of guys who are, like...

Well, not nerds. I mean,
Ethan's not a nerd, but...

- Yes, he is. He is! (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS)

I just mean, like,

they were never players.

And then they make all this money

and they just start
acting different and, like,

cheating.

No. No, Ethan would never do that.

He's not like that. He's...

he's honest to a fault. He's...

God, I'm so glad that Cameron
has a friend like Ethan.

Honestly, the guys that
Cameron works with...

- (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
- ... a very dark triad.

Like, for real.

- Psychopaths. I'm not kidding.
- HARPER: Hmm.

But not Cameron.

No. Cameron's, like, naughty,
like a little boy is naughty.

These other guys?

I mean, they're like
Bernie Madoff monsters.

They will f*ck you up.

And they're the most
successful guys in finance.

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)

(GROANS) Oh, Jesus!

Oh, sh*t, this is cold. (INHALES)

(GROANS) I got sensitive
nips. (BREATHES SHARPLY)

- Hey.
- Hey.

- ALBIE DI GRASSO: Beer?
- Oh, thank you.

How was your day? (EXHALES)

Uh, pretty grim... (SIGHS) ... actually.

- Hmm.
- I feel like if I m*rder*d my boss,

I could argue it was euthanasia.

(ALBIE CHUCKLES)

(SNIFFLES, EXHALES)

(CLICKS TONGUE) Yeah.
Uh, what about you?

How's your night? (BREATHES DEEPLY)

Better now.

- Oh. (CHUCKLES, SMOOCHES)
- (SMOOCHES, CHUCKLES)

- (CHUCKLES)
- Sorry. Um,

was... was I...

No, uh... No, no, that was... it's fine.

I... I just wasn't
expecting it, you know?

- Well, expect it.
- Okay. (CHUCKLES)

(BOTH SMOOCHING)

- (CHUCKLES, SMOOCHES)
- (SMOOCHES)

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Is everything okay? (EXHALES)

Yeah! Yeah, everything's... I'm just...

It's been a long day.

And I'm just kinda fried, I think.

- Mm. Yeah.
- (INHALES) Yeah.

Do you wanna go back to my room or...

Yeah, no. I think I just need to crash.

- If that's okay?
- Yeah, yeah. I think me too.

- Sorry. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
- N... no, it's fine. You...

I mean, we could hang out tomorrow.

- Are you around tomorrow?
- Yes, absolutely.

(INHALES) I would love that. Um...

Do you want me to walk
you back to your room?

(CLICKS TONGUE)

- Um, sure.
- Great, okay.

- Oh, don't forget your beer.
- Oh, thanks. Sorry.

- ALBIE: You got your stuff?
- PORTIA: Yeah.

Um, thanks for the beer. (SNIFFLES)

Yeah. No problem.

PORTIA: I hope I didn't
make you feel weird.

- ALBIE: No. No, no.
- PORTIA: Yeah, yeah.

ALBIE: Don't... don't
apologize. Honestly.

(PORTIA CHUCKLING)

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)

- HARPER: Daphne?
- Hmm?

Do you think Cameron ever cheats on you?

Maybe just once.

That I know about.

Don't feel bad for me.

I figured out how to handle it.

Like today.

I do what I want.

So, I'm not resentful.

Yeah. How do you handle it?

(INHALES) I...

I'm not a victim.

That's all I meant.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

("PIENA" BY M¥SS KETA PLAYING)

(CHEERING, LAUGHING)

(CAMERON CHEERING)

(CHEERING)

(SONG FADES)

(LOUD THUMPING)

(CAMERON CHEERING)

LUCIA: (MUFFLED) Hey! Open the door!

CAMERON: (MUFFLED) Come on!

What are you doing in there, man? Hello?

Open up, come on!

Sweet little baby boy.

- (SONG CONTINUES)
- (CHEERING CONTINUES)

(SMOOCHES)

(ALL CHEERING)

(MUFFLED CHEERING, LAUGHING)

(MUFFLED LAUGHS)

- (MUSIC CONCLUDES)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

("GIFTED" BY CRISTOBAL
TAPIA DE VEER PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Come on, go see him.

He's a little shy. Go see shy boy.

- (CAMERON CHUCKLES)
- (CHUCKLES) Take care of him.

LUCIA: Take care of her! Grazie!

CAMERON: What are you
doing, little shy boy?

- Come on! Bring him over.
- (SMOOCHES)

- (LUCIA CHEERS, CHUCKLES)
- (CAMERON CHEERS)

CAMERON: Hey, big boy.

No?

Okay.

(PHONE VIBRATES)

(SONG CONCLUDES)

- (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)
- (DIAL TONE)

(LINE RINGING)

(LINE CONTINUES RINGING)

(EXHALES)

ETHAN OVER VOICEMAIL:
Hey, this is Ethan.

Sorry I can't take your
call. Leave a message.

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)